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Member Comments for the Article:
Is Weight-Loss Hurting Your Relationship?
The Real Issues and How to Address Them
2/26/2010 1:43:34 PM
This article really hit home with me too. It frequently says that your partner might worry you will leave the relationship, but I think the opposite is true with me! I was extremely determined back in the fall and lost 17 lbs... flash forward 3 months and I've gained it all back. :-( My fiance was always very supportive and tried to keep the junk food out, but of course he has the metabolism where he can eat whatever he wants, so a few things would creep back in. He would always say "wow honey you look great! But, don't lose too much weight I like you just the way you are." I even asked him out right if it would be a problem if i lost more weight and he just kind of shrugged and said "don't lose too much more." It is distressing! Now I am worried that if I lose weight again he will not be as attracted to me...
I'll give this guy's side. As I've lost more than 250 pounds to date; my wife has put on weight. She finally admitted to me that she was jealous of my success and had attempted to sabotage my efforts. It's now become a big deal how much time I spend with Sparkfriends biking, hiking and running. I still love her, but we're on totally different paths and only she can change her path.
The article resonated with me, as did Marinashu's comment ... I had an ex-husband who gained a lot of weight and tried to sabotage weight loss efforts (and succeeded ... I gained almost 90 pounds during that marrige); and I have a newly-ex BF who felt threatened in the most personal way because he thought I was already "perfect" and couldn't understand that I'm trying to improve my health and reach a healthy weight because I love myself. Oddly, both of these men enjoyed biking and walking with me; my ex-husband even used to do those old Richard Simmons videos with me in the 90s!! So both relationships are in the past now. All of us on Spark are making or will make big changes, and just like anyone who's recovering from anything, changing ourselves may uncover some unhealthy aspects of our relationships. So, lessons I've learned: Continue to take care of myself (I owe that to me and my kids), be more selective with the next man in my life (find someone who deserves me!), and involve him in my fitness and health goals as much as possible (because that brings us closer and keeps him healthy, too).
While I appreciate the positivity of this article and the focus on maintaining current relationships, I think we also have to acknowledge that some relationships where partners call us names and sabotage our efforts to be better people are NOT healthy relationships. If someone feels insecure and expresses it both by overeating and by being in an unhealthy relationship, sometimes the "criss cross effect" of being physically healthier can lead to a realization that a relationship is not emotionally healthy either. I don't know that weight loss CAUSES the problem in this kind of relationship, but it can certainly lead to a breakup--but that may not be a bad thing!
2/10/2010 5:17:10 PM
Wow! This article is very informative, yet tragic. After reading it, I realized that I have family who sabotage my good intentions, but now that I know how to combat this negativity, I'll be ready next time.
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