I dumped a boyfriend over a jealous fit related to me going to the gym (well, and a bunch of other things, but the fit was the final nail). Hey, maybe if he doesn't support you and is so afraid of losing you, you deserve something better, like a trusting and supportive partner. The couple of articles I was reading on SparkPeople that talked about non-supportive friends recommended ditching them, and I would recommend the same for any "partner" that is so insecure and jealous he/she cannot stand the idea of you improving yourself.
Thank you for this article. It was a recmmended read from a dear Spark friend. I started to skim it an #1-4 weren't really applicable but boy o boy #5 was a doozy!!!! It hit a little close to home. Just made mental note that we all make take different paths on this journey!
11/9/2012 3:23:39 PM
My husband of 40 years is SO proud of me! Very supportive and a bit frisky even! BUT I have seen this issue come up many, many times here on SP and am so happy to see it addressed here. My personal advise would be lots of extra love and attention. He is insecure and needs reassurance. TALK about it. It's hard when you are trying so hard to focus on yourself for a change but eventually you will inspire those around you to "try what she is having!"
The best way to manage this awkward stage is just to focus on yourself and keep on doing what you are doing despite negative comments or efforts at sabotage. (By the way, it is not just your partner--it comes from friends and family too). If you act like you have every right to do what you are doing (because you do) and you keep doing it, eventually it just becomes accepted as a fact of life. I got a lot of push back early on about the time I spent walking/jogging, the "weird food" I was eating and my decision to stop partaking in the nightly bottle of wine, etc. but now it is just normal life. They adjust, they really do. The trick is not to make a big issue out of it and quietly allow your actions to do the talking.
Well this is one excuse I can't use. My husband supports me 100% and is like a loving coach. I used to let myself be sabotaged by coworkers and relatives, but I no longer work and I also see my relatives less and less. It is all up to me now!
11/9/2012 7:08:48 AM
its sad that people are so obsessed with appearances that they would be bothered if their partner gained weight. sometimes i think its the person losing weights (me most of the time) that sabotages the relationship. because the person losing weight is the one changing, not the other one. they become so immersed in losing weight, and preaching to others that aren't (i.e. the husband) that people start to get sick of it.
i think its great for people to lose weight but i now find it annoying when they try to FORCE their new lifestyle on other people. i should know, i have been that person, and see this same behavior in other people.
#1-What to do................sorry with my other half it is his way or no way.......................so far that is the way it is done but tired of it and gonna make even bigger changes in my life soon!!!!!!!!!!!
my husband i have just had a huge fight. he has strongly accused me of losing weight to either have an affair or because i am having an affair. i have black and white proof of being pre diabetic, hi blood pressure and high cholesterol. he dosent believe that i have these medical conditions. it is almost like he wants me to be diabetic like him so that he can be miserable with someone else. i would never never never be unfaithful but the sad part is i have no way of proving him wrong. so the answer is yes, my lifestyle changes have wreaked havoc on our relationship, but i'm not quitting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This article was vey helpful to me. It helped me to understand my husband's feelings and behavior better. I can also see how some of my behaviors to become healthy may have appeared to him that I am improving myself because I am "out there looking." There is a history of problems from a previous marriage, which I won't go into. Unfortunately the baggage seems to haunt us. I can't change the past. But at least I can be sensitive, considerate, and understanding of why he has negative reactions to my present behavior. At some point though, it does get oppressive. I know I still need to allow myself to proceed with what I consider are healthy choices and what is right for me. I can comprimise in some areas, but shouldn't have to give up what is considered by most rational people to be healthy promoting habits and behavior.
4/23/2012 5:21:49 AM
The way I would approach something like this would include to some extent sharing in your partners efforts, Your together for more than diet in the first place. So when one of you is making a lifestyle change for their own good, you should accept it as being a loving partner you are. You fell in love for a reason, now your love wants to better her health and well being, wouldn't any loving partner want their mate happy and healthy?
DH and I have different goals in being healthy and we actually do our workouts together to still have time with each other, even though we both do different exercises and activities based on our goals. We both want to do more active things like hiking and bicycling so that helps to keep the friction down. It also helps that the unhealthy things that DH likes to enjoy occasionally are things I don't really like as much, like ice cream sandwiches and gummy bears, so I am not tempted to eat them much when he eats them. He will ask if I want some and when I respectfully decline, he is very considerate about it and doesn't ask me again because he knows my goals and that this is important to me. The only struggle we have is cooking because he does almost all the cooking and while we have changed most of our habits, he still likes some things a certain way such as frying chicken before putting it in a dish instead of baking or boiling it because he is very physical at work and home so he can eat a lot more calories than I can. We have compromised by not frying chicken as often, but still doing it with his favorite dishes like chicken enchiladas..that's just one example. It just means I have to watch my calories more and eat a smaller portion of that particular meal. It's all about open communication and letting your partner know what you need in this lifestyle change, and listening to their needs as well to come to a compromise. Relationships are a constant work in progress and adding a healthy lifestyle to your relationship just means you might have to work a little harder until it becomes the norm.
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