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Is Weight-Loss Hurting Your Relationship?

The Real Issues and How to Address Them

57 Comments



  • I wish that Spark People would be more mindful that we're not all straight and use more inclusive language in their articles. - 5/21/2016 2:51:21 AM
  • nice article - 5/16/2016 2:37:06 AM
  • This article is good reading for everyone in a relationship and not just for brides. - 5/15/2016 10:16:22 AM
  • I recently printed out two photos of myself from the past. One was me at 17 and about 145-150 pounds. One was at 29 and at 160-165 pounds. Right now I'm well over that, and boyfriend keeps telling me that if I get too small he won't be attracted to me. I showed him both of these pictures and told him what I weighed in each. I asked him if he was attracted to me in high school, he said yes. Was he attracted to me when we reunited as adults? Yes. Attracted to me now? Duh. I pointed to the 150 and told him that was my goal, and there was no way I was ever going to not be "thick." He's afraid I'm going to end up scary thin which is not possible with my build. Now that I've reassured him I'm not going to twig out he's more supportive and has agreed to join me in my efforts now that he recently discovered that he's outgrown almost all his jeans in the last 3 years. That's our goal, together; to fit our clothes. :) Communication is a wonderful thing, yes? - 4/9/2016 6:51:22 PM
  • BHAYNZ2174
    Why is it that if a man is not fully happy with his partner's weight loss it must be because he is insecure about losing his gf?? When I met my gf she had an hourglass figure; now she states I have made her feel more confident than ever (multiple daily compliments and always finding an excuse to touch her/ hug her etc) but then turned around a few months ago to say she didn't feel confident in herself and was joining Slimming World. She is now smaller than when we met and it is having an affect as I prefer women to look like women, i.e. with curves, and she is losing hers - it has nothing to do with insecurity but purely preference. I love her, which is why it is a struggle for if I did not I would walk, but am having difficulty finding her as sexy because she is smaller.
    Any help would be great - 1/22/2016 5:29:29 AM
  • SUSANK16
    Sorry, but I simply do not buy into all the "reasons" this occurs. I am sure in some cases the "reasons" supplied here are valid. Equally, I think that one has to consider that some times these comments occur because the individual making them is negative and controlling. In that case the individual has to re-evaluate the relationship. - 11/6/2015 2:01:21 AM
  • My partner has been nothing but supportive of me. I feel very lucky after reading this article. - 8/21/2015 1:32:19 PM
  • It is amazing because the individual in my life is not a typical person that others would others may see as my type.
    Our eating habits are completely different, but at the same time we feed off one another.
    We both introduce each other to other types of food. - 7/25/2015 2:01:48 PM
  • GOCHI91
    This seems ridiculous. A couple has the best form of exercise available to them? It's not like tedium ad nauseum of the treadmill or some, is it? - 7/25/2015 6:05:10 AM
  • I think one of the main things that is difficult to do while focusing on losing weight is to remember to keep the other priorities in our lives, including a significant relationship. This involves working on communication and finding ways to show them you care about them regardless their weight or your changing weight. Change is difficult for everyone. Especially for those in significant relationships. It will just take the same or more time to reassure one another and get to know each other now that habits and lifestyles are changing. Cut your partner some slack. You are not perfect. They are not perfect. Love is a choice that needs to be made in ever moment and every situation, no matter how much they "deserve" it. Imagine if you put even a fraction of the effort you are currently putting into losing weight into improving your marriage communication skills at the same time. It is easy to confuse self love with selfishness if you are new to it. Take some time to figure out which is which, and it may be different in every relationship, because every relationship is different. Seek wise counsel. Reflect and practice empathy. And then act intentionally. Don't let losing weight cause you to lose something even more precious. - 6/24/2015 5:47:18 AM
  • MOMOF5PEARS
    My husband is very supportive, but reminds me not to lose all my curves, as he prefers women to look like women. (I'm 5'2, and when I start going under 135 - which is NOT skinny, he always gets a little paranoid!) My Mom on the other hand, is constantly asking me about my weight or bringing over candy, cookies, etc. She will say it's for my kids - but they don't need a 5 pound bag of Twizlers either!

    I am currently pregnant with our 5th baby at almost 26 weeks & it's KILLING my Mom that I won't tell her how much I've gained so far (16 lbs.) Then she will remind me that the most she gained with me or my brothers was 15 pounds. (She also chained smoked, had wine, and drank coffee like it was going out of style, but I guess everyone did back then!)

    She a little chunky, too, so I guess it comes from her own insecurities. But I must confess, I'm getting a little tired of it! - 5/4/2015 3:07:55 PM
  • If you feel that those around you are attempting to sabotage your efforts, ask yourself this: How obnoxious have I become?
    You make changes to your eating habits and lifestyle, and these things generally shouldn't effect others, even if you live with them, unless you're overzealous.

    It's possible that they're the problem, it's true, but...could it also be that you're acting like a pragmatic jerk? - 5/4/2015 11:22:48 AM
  • This seems ridiculous. A couple has the best form of exercise available to them? It's not like tedium ad nauseum of the treadmill or some, is it? Should be enjoyable by both and as to what the world thinks, who cares?!!!!!!!!!! - 2/10/2015 6:03:37 PM
  • It shouldn't be a problem. I mean if is indeed your partner then why for the love of god will he get get upset because i have to lose some weight? From my point of view this should strengthen the relationship not hurting it. If you have someone that really care for you then he should come with, at least, emotional support. - 1/3/2015 11:26:34 AM
  • The line between help and sabotage can be a fine one as well. When my DH decides to lose weight, it's typically by skipping meals, eating an ultra-low-calorie diet or doing something else drastic. If I encourage him to make healthier choices it seems like I'm trying to derail him, when in fact I just know that what he's doing WILL backfire (like it has for the last 20 years). He's not severely overweight like I was but does want to lose some weight, just not like that! We're both healthcare professionals so it always surprises me that he doesn't take his own advice; he would never tell a patient to do what he does... SMH... - 9/21/2014 12:35:10 PM

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