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Is Weight Loss Hurting Your Relationship?

The Real Issues and How to Address Them

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  • Good info but a little general
  • This article is dangerously oversimplified if taken without a grain of salt. The idea that anyone who psychologically sabotages others is only doing it from secret sweet vulnerable reasons is not one to be applied to all situations. The whys of these kind of conflicts are complex to decipher even with a psychological professional present, but the idea of taking this articles' "whys" and just pasted them on to any relationship is not sound. This is the kind of writing you find in fluff women's magazines and one of the reasons I truly appreciate the SPARKPEOPLE site is because it usually goes deeper than that, and pushes for a more intelligent view. If someone is truly attempting to sabotage your efforts at what might be a life saving attempt to get healthier, please - don't "compromise" or explain it away with Hallmark emotional ideas. Deal with it honestly and directly.
  • "I/he/she prefer(s) women to look like women - with curves."

    Wow.

    Why belittle women who are thinner for health reasons or are naturally skinny? Guess what, women have different body types and shapes. That doesn't mean they ALL have to look one way.
  • Nice, open-minded and empathetic suggestions in this article! Great!

    But, a reminder that disordered eating and alcohol use (both of which can be big factors in weight gain) show up frequently in people who are in abusive relationships.
    This 'sabotage' by a partner can also be a form of trying to retain or regain control over their victim.
    Don't be afraid to seek help and outside perspective. There are standard screening questions which can tell a person whether they're potentially in an abusive, controlling relationship.
  • I wish that Spark People would be more mindful that we're not all straight and use more inclusive language in their articles.
  • This article is good reading for everyone in a relationship and not just for brides.
  • I recently printed out two photos of myself from the past. One was me at 17 and about 145-150 pounds. One was at 29 and at 160-165 pounds. Right now I'm well over that, and boyfriend keeps telling me that if I get too small he won't be attracted to me. I showed him both of these pictures and told him what I weighed in each. I asked him if he was attracted to me in high school, he said yes. Was he attracted to me when we reunited as adults? Yes. Attracted to me now? Duh. I pointed to the 150 and told him that was my goal, and there was no way I was ever going to not be "thick." He's afraid I'm going to end up scary thin which is not possible with my build. Now that I've reassured him I'm not going to twig out he's more supportive and has agreed to join me in my efforts now that he recently discovered that he's outgrown almost all his jeans in the last 3 years. That's our goal, together; to fit our clothes. :) Communication is a wonderful thing, yes?
  • BHAYNZ2174
    Why is it that if a man is not fully happy with his partner's weight loss it must be because he is insecure about losing his gf?? When I met my gf she had an hourglass figure; now she states I have made her feel more confident than ever (multiple daily compliments and always finding an excuse to touch her/ hug her etc) but then turned around a few months ago to say she didn't feel confident in herself and was joining Slimming World. She is now smaller than when we met and it is having an affect as I prefer women to look like women, i.e. with curves, and she is losing hers - it has nothing to do with insecurity but purely preference. I love her, which is why it is a struggle for if I did not I would walk, but am having difficulty finding her as sexy because she is smaller.
    Any help would be great
  • SUSANK16
    Sorry, but I simply do not buy into all the "reasons" this occurs. I am sure in some cases the "reasons" supplied here are valid. Equally, I think that one has to consider that some times these comments occur because the individual making them is negative and controlling. In that case the individual has to re-evaluate the relationship.
  • My partner has been nothing but supportive of me. I feel very lucky after reading this article.
  • It is amazing because the individual in my life is not a typical person that others would others may see as my type.
    Our eating habits are completely different, but at the same time we feed off one another.
    We both introduce each other to other types of food.
  • GOCHI91
    This seems ridiculous. A couple has the best form of exercise available to them? It's not like tedium ad nauseum of the treadmill or some, is it?
  • I think one of the main things that is difficult to do while focusing on losing weight is to remember to keep the other priorities in our lives, including a significant relationship. This involves working on communication and finding ways to show them you care about them regardless their weight or your changing weight. Change is difficult for everyone. Especially for those in significant relationships. It will just take the same or more time to reassure one another and get to know each other now that habits and lifestyles are changing. Cut your partner some slack. You are not perfect. They are not perfect. Love is a choice that needs to be made in ever moment and every situation, no matter how much they "deserve" it. Imagine if you put even a fraction of the effort you are currently putting into losing weight into improving your marriage communication skills at the same time. It is easy to confuse self love with selfishness if you are new to it. Take some time to figure out which is which, and it may be different in every relationship, because every relationship is different. Seek wise counsel. Reflect and practice empathy. And then act intentionally. Don't let losing weight cause you to lose something even more precious.
  • MOMOF5PEARS
    My husband is very supportive, but reminds me not to lose all my curves, as he prefers women to look like women. (I'm 5'2, and when I start going under 135 - which is NOT skinny, he always gets a little paranoid!) My Mom on the other hand, is constantly asking me about my weight or bringing over candy, cookies, etc. She will say it's for my kids - but they don't need a 5 pound bag of Twizlers either!

    I am currently pregnant with our 5th baby at almost 26 weeks & it's KILLING my Mom that I won't tell her how much I've gained so far (16 lbs.) Then she will remind me that the most she gained with me or my brothers was 15 pounds. (She also chained smoked, had wine, and drank coffee like it was going out of style, but I guess everyone did back then!)

    She a little chunky, too, so I guess it comes from her own insecurities. But I must confess, I'm getting a little tired of it!

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