I definitely see my weight loss possibly ruining my marriage. I feel bad about it because I feel like I am mostly to blame. I met my wife back in college. At that time I was maybe 15 pounds overweight. I had always had horrible eating habits and ate too much since my parents are both fat and I learned my eating habits from them. Before I met my wife she was fat. We met soon after she had lost a bunch of weight. She was a petite redhead with a good body (despite the fact that she didn't exercise) at that time. We fell in love and together we grew obese. My bad eating habits made it very easy to fall back into her bad eating habits. About the only thing my wife and I have in common is that we like to go out to eat and we like to get drunk. Any other hobbies or interests we pretty much pursued on our own, but drinking and going out to eat are about the only things we did together. My wife is also a pack a day smoker. I am a former cigar smoker. As an aside, I never set out to give up cigars, just that as I became more ito healthy living, the urge to smoke just wasn't there, and time I used to spend lounging around puffing away at a cigar is time I now spend working out.
So fast forward 20 years. We are both obese and suffering from health problems. My wilfe also suffers from depression and fibromyalgia. I decided that I was sick and tired of being sick ansd tired, so I got off my fat, lazy butt, and did something about it. I dropped nearly 50 pounds and started working out regularly. At 200 pounds, I may still be technically fat, but I am in the best shape I have been in since my 20's! My wife on the other hand, has done nothing. This has created problems in our relationship. Since I am counting my calories, getting drunk every weekend and going out to eat often are out of the question. So now we have absolutely no "together" interests. I suggested making healthy living our together hobby, and that met with luke warm reception. So I basically just spend much of my free time alone. All she wants to do is sit at home and watch TV if we are not out drinking/eating. Our sex life is also terrible. Haven't done it in over two years! Because of my weight and high blood pressure, I just could not rise to the occasion and I was too easily winded for sex. She has issues as well. We also haven't slept in the same bed for about the same amount of time. This was due to my sleep apnea, snoring, and insomnia keeping here awake all night. Finally she could no longer stand it and banished me to the couch. Between the seperate lives, no sex, and not even sleeping together, I feel like my wife of 20 years is more like a room mate. Since I have dropped weight my sleep problems are pretty much gone. Yet, I have still not been invited back in the bedroom. But what makes me feel like a real horrible person is that I no longer find my wife to be physically attractive. She is obese and I don't find that attractive. She has also let herslf go in other ways as well-no makeup, shabby clothes, messy hair, etc. When I was at my fattest, I was the same way. I let my personal hygeine go, grew long hair and a long beard, and my clothes-well I am embarrassed that I actually went out in public dressed the way I was. Since I have slimmed down, I ditched the beard and got a buzz cut. I also ditched the worn out fat clothes and bought new clothes that were in good shape and fit properly. For the first time in YEARS, I actually care about how I look. But unfortunately, I also care about how my wife looks. I let it slip out during an argument and she told me that I am very shallow. When I told her that I want to look good for her, she said she didn't care. She said I could weigh 450 pounds and she would love me as much as ever. I feel like such a horrible and worthless human being because I honestly don't feel the same way about her. I love her, but I am not in lust with her. It's the way I feel. I know several middle aged women who are really into fitness. They have hot bodies and look very good for their age. That's the kind of woman I want to be with. I want a partner who is as committed to healthy living as I am. I know I can't change another person, but I fear that if my wife doesn't come around eventually, I may have to look elsewhere-finding a woman who is the kind of woman I want rather than trying to make my wife into that woman.
- 9/4/2014 3:00:23 PM