Hey, I understand where you are coming from here. I'm about 125 right now and 5'7", and I have been as light as 110. When I was 110 it was impossible for me, like you said, to see slim and fit. I have an eating disorder because of my problem with my body image, and it involves a lot of buried emotions and resentments for me. I eat usually when I'm mad at myself because I'm the only person that I can't yell at. Its my way of taking hold of myself shaking myself and being my ex-boyfriend whose comments and actions made me want to eat like a pickle a day. Slips, like my aunt who lost a lot of weight would say, are just kind of like "it happens". If you have the power to continue your normal diet the following day then it was only a sign of your being human. And, I've found that women more than men show signs of stuffing emotions through overeating, and its probably because we are more sensitive. But, it gives us a chance to try to process what's going on before acting on emotion. Good luck, I'm right where you are and its hard for me as it sounds like it is for you. Also, remember what you see in the mirror is a visual distortion of your true figure, you can't shake your body's image throughout your entire lifetime and possibly may see what is beautiful as something else because you're not looking at the flawless body everybody dreams of. I know I go on and on but this is really my area of personal connection to this program, everybody else thinks I"m fine.
SCHEHEREZADE 8/31/04 1:06 A
hello-
coach joe's advice was good stuff... i just want to add that we need to be really careful when we judge ourselves- we are all our own worst critic!!! and it sounds like you are driving yourself a little crazy.
as i am sure you probably know, we are a very image-conscious culture, and are bombarded by impossible ideals at all times. one of the things i remind myself of frequently is that in the case of most of the people in the pictures, it is their JOB to achieve that ideal look. i think if i were to spend 40 hours/week, a good deal of money, and have a team of people helping, i could probably look pretty good myself!
however, it is not my JOB to look good, nor do i have the kind of resources at the disposal of actors, models, or even just rich folks.
but you know what? i am actually really truly thankful that i have more to offer the world than that. of course, i still like to get "presentable" before i leave the house, even spiffed up sometimes. i still love to get compliments on how i look, and i haven't left insecurities about my body behind me totally (it's tough when you're 200lbs).
i don't have to let my weight affect the impact i make on the world, or my value for myself as a person. and i have seen that when a person practices self-acceptance, his/her inner beauty is apparent on the outside too.
i know that you have many special qualities to share with others. don't judge yourself so harshly, and only on the basis of how you look walking down the street.
with love, bela
SP_COACH_JOE 8/29/04 5:54 P
Hi RIDER5344
I understand everything you said... it's a vicious cycle when you feel the way you do! The good thing is I believe SparkPeople can help you.
I would suggest looking in the Resource Center, in the motivation section... take a look at the 4 corners of the SP System. There are a lot of principles that might help you look at things differently.
I'd like to share something with you... I always suggest that people try to achieve a balance when it comes to nutrition... the way I look at balance is like this:
1 2 3 4 5
1 and 5 are the extremes... not eating enough nutrients and eating too many calories.
2,3 and 4 is everything inbetween. My goal is to fall in the 2,3,4 range 70% of the time... 70% of the day, 70% of the week, 70% of the month and 70% of the year. That allows for a lot of room for "extreme" behavior... so that personal pizza you had just falls into the 30% range... as long as you look at it like that, each time you have something that isn't all that nutritious, you don't beat yourself up over it. I've achieved really good results by just achieving 70%... we don't have to be perfect!! Whenever I do have an ice cream or a treat, it motivates me to workout and eat healthy afterwards. I use to feel sorry for myself and think that I had ruined everything, but I finally realized how ineffective that type of thinking is, and I found a way to make it work!
Let me know if there is anything I can do to help... you have more control than you might think... achieve a little bit of success and build on it slowly... you don't have to change everything overnight!!
There are a lot of people in our community that are willing to support you and give you great advice!
"Coach" Joe
RIDER5344 8/29/04 3:48 P
I guess I should start by saying that I am 5'9 136lbs. Measurements 38D, 27, 38. Here is the problem, I can't look at myself and think fit, slim, I look at myself and only see flab...I eat, and then feel guilty, I'm constantly telling myself i'm too fat, which I know is a problem, and when I do eat something I enjoy I hate myself for it. What makes it worse is that when I'm feeling my worst, I tend to eat...I just ate half a frozen personal pizza, and I'll eat dinner later...i know it's okay to slip sometimes, but I end up hating myself for it and obsessing about it for days to come. Pleas help, I'm making myself insane!
