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MOM2BOYS1975
3/21/07 10:18 A
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No problem. I know what you mean. I don't like that my kids don't know their grandparents on their dad's side. I was pregnant with #1 when we broke contact. My oldest (5 years) asks if daddy has a mom and dad and it's so hard trying to explain how they live so close but he doesn't know them. We do have a good relationship with my parents.
I have guilt because of it even though I know I shouldn't. I grew up with a step grandmother and grandpa that the relationship was and still is 99% negative and I don't want my kids to go through the same thing. I grew up watching my mom be a doormat to her and her daughters, never standing up to them and always trying to please them even though they treat her badly.
It's hard to know what the right thing to do in your particular situation is. Kind of feels like a "d@mned if you do d@mned if you don't" situation.
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Thank you for your reply. After nearly forty years of it you definitely believe there is something wrong with you and even if you know in your head that she is really the one with the problem and causing the problem, believing this in your heart and soul is a different story.
A year ago I was assessed as clinically obese by my doctor. My cholesterol level was so high I was prescribed tablets. This motivated me to eat a healthier diet and over time I lost a stone in weight and my cholesterol level was normal. As soon as I knew my Mother was coming for her annual visit I started comfort eating and I put on one and a half stone. I have tried various methods of Managing my mum but they have failed. I really feel I owe it to myself and my children not to put up with it anymore.
The main reason I have not breaked contact up to now is wanting my children to have a good relationship with their grandmother. I also feel a sense of duty and want to set a good example to my children by showing love and respect for older people. I feel now that continuing the realtionship with my Mother is having a negative affect on my health and well being to the extent of having a negative affect on theirs; and that I can set them the example of caring for older people in a different way.
Thank you for your support.
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MOM2BOYS1975
3/20/07 10:46 A
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I didn't know my husband had another sister, because your mom sure sounds like my mother in law! My husband was willing to take it when it was directed toward him, butonce I was pregnant with #1 and it got directed toward me he and his brother (plus wife and kids) also cut her off. We have been much happier without her in our life.
Not saying you should do this, just sharing. You are definately not alone. In another forum I read lots of stories about parents like that. It's very sad.
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| I dread my Mum's phone calls and her annual visits even more. She is very rude about her other grandchildren and sometimes her son in law and daughter in law. She spreads what I amsure people have told her in confidence. She always asks very personal questions and questions about our finances and I don't feel that this is out of love, care or anxiety but out of a desire to get more gossip. When she visits she never helps or supports or spends any quality time with the family. I always feel she is watching, silently criticisin and analising. We have never been close, I have never been able to rely on her support. I have never felt loved or cared for. In the past she has made a great deal of trouble between siblings and also between inlaws. When I know she is visiting I feel physically sick for two months before and afterwards.
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