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You deserve to be happy and have the best for you. It soulds to me like you would be settling for it because of the kids and that is not the right reason to be in a relationship. The kids can have their own relationship with their Dad even if you aren't together.
What would happen if you did get back together and then met someone you could fall in love with? would you have to give up your own happiness?
good luck with whatever you decide
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| And do you want your children growing up thinking that it's ok to abuse someone? They could grow up to be abusers if that is what their role model does. Just a thought.
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DON'T DO IT!!! Unless he has gone to counseling and has been treated for his abusive ways it will only get worse. He wants to get back so he can control you again. The children should have supervised visitation with their father. He will not change only get worse. I know I have been there and lived that for the ten years my first husband and I were married. I know I did the right thing by not taking him back. He is now in prison for sexual assult on his new wife's children. Right where he belongs. Shed no tears for the pervert.
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SONFLOWER_TX
3/16/07 2:57 P
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Tye
First of all let me say that I have been date raped 3 times so I hope you understand that I sort of know what you might be going through. That is also my motivation for TOUGH LOVE.
My opinion is you can't do it for just the kids alone. How many times have I heard of a woman staying with a husband who abused her 'until the kids were out on their own' and then she left the abusive situation? But she stayed being abused for years "for the kids." This is not healthy in my opinion.
If he abused you, what is to stop him from abusing the kids?
And, if you think they don't know of the abuse I would be willing to bet that you are wrong. When a parent tries to hide something it seems to me kids pick up on it and then they know anyway.
If they see you being abused, statistics show they could grow up thinking abuse is A-OK and acceptable behavior, setting the stage for them to either abuse others or be abused themselves. BE STRONG FOR YOUR KIDS.
If they see you suffer, how do think they will feel about him? Might grow to hate him altogether.
I know it would be easier on you to share the burden of raising 3 kids with him and you might see the potential abuse as a tradeoff or something, but in my opinion you are cheating yourself.
I am wondering why after a few years, now you look so attractive to him... makes me think he got dumped. And he is turning to you because it is a comfort thing. He is comfortable with you and he knows what you tolerated in the past.
Hold out for someone who loves you so much that to hurt you on purpose would hurt them deeply so they would never consider doing it. Those men exist!
Be strong for your kids
Your decisions affect them FOREVER
Ruthie
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TIYETTA282008
3/16/07 9:38 A
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Hi Tye
I am really sorry to hear that you are going through this.
I don't think your kids will be happy if you are unhappy. I think it's possible for them to have a good relationship with their Father without you two being together.
Best Wishes
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SP_COACH_DEAN
3/16/07 12:17 A
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Hi, Tye
One way I like to look at questions like this is to ask myself what advice I'd give to a friend who came to me for advice about the exact same situation. What do you think you'd say?
Hope this helps.
Coach Dean
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TIYETTA282008
3/15/07 11:11 P
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Hey all
Listen to this
I was in and out of a 8 year relationship. Where we started out young and had 3 kids. I really like him as a person despite everything we been through. For 5 of those 8 years he sexually abused me. I allowed him to force sex upon me several times. I blame him but also myself for letting him.
We broke up for 2 years and now he wants to get back together but I don't feel the same for him. But I am considering this becasue of my kids, they love him so much. He has changed so much but I can not make love to him and don't even know if it is possible to ever be with him. I am afraid of my children hating me and blaming me. I am so stressed out over this situation, he is such a better person and dad.
He seems to think counseling will change my mind. I don't know.
Thanks for listening
Tye
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