  |
|
|
|
| No, it's not true. If you have proof of DV you can use that against him. You can always call your DV center and they will help you. You don't deserve to be threatned like that. Nodody does. Your kids do not need to grow seeing and hearing their mother abuse. That cycle will continue with your children eventually, sometimes if the kids are verbally abused they will be abusive towards others or they will be the abused. You need to get help. It is not easy but you deserve better. I know this will sound like I'm being nosy. But do you work? Does he let you out of the house? Please get help. I went thru that with my husband. He was physically abusive for the first four years of marriage and I did leave him only to go back with him after i found out I was 8wks. pregnant because I thought I couldn't raise a child by myself. I might be on of the luckiest because my husband has changed completely. He is not even remotely close to how he was. I'm not saying that if you leave your husband he will change and then you can go back. No, that doesn't always happens. Please take care. All of you. Prayers for everybody. Love you!!!!
|
|
|
|
| Hi everyone....I just started a team for abuse.....abuse of all kinds......I think it will be great for us to all share our stories......right now its public but eventually if i can find enough people to join I would like to make it private.....that way it will be easier to get to know each other.....if your interested in shareing your story and helping other men and women tell theres as well as losing weight in the process....please join my team....its cakked the secret garden..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individual.asp?gid=11331......thank you.....Sheryl
|
|
RUNNINSTRONG
4/2/07 7:23 P
|
|
|
|
For those who question why we don't get out sooner: it's just like that Keith Urban song: She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens when the only voice she's hear is telling her she can't...
I am currently in the divorce process after just 1 1/2 years of an abusive marriage. I see know how obvious it seems that I should have left earlier, at the first sign of danger even. But that's practically impossible when you live everyday looking over your shoulder to be sure there's NOTHING you've done wrong. When you live your life anticipating someone else's every move as a means of determining you're next one, leaving just doesn't even seem possible.
Fortunately, I don't have children. I have asked myself each day how women/men with children escape? I'm grateful for the family & friends who stuck by me as my husband attempted to isolate me. I'm grateful for the honesty of the Priest I spoke with. I'm grateful for a fabulous lawyer. Everyone and anyone can be an assest when trying to leave an abuser.
I told myself I'd be just like a Survivor: outwit, outlast, and outplay. For the sake of your children's safety, if not your own, meet with someone in your faith community, a lawyer, call 911 whwn you need to and seek help from domestic violence support groups. It's possible to be safe...
|
|
XPUNKYROOTSX
3/30/07 1:23 A
|
|
|
|
| I just have to say, being bruitally honest, that it sounds to me that your husband is already abusing your son. verbally. If he called him a retard, thats definitly abuse, and your child WILL grow up with many, many problems. In my opinion, you need to get out of there now, because by staying, you are allowing this person to abuse your child. I went through being abused by my step father all throughout my life and have many problems now because of it. Insecurity, emotional distress, anxiety, let alone the fact that i did horrible in school because he convinced me I was a "retard". If you truly want whats best for your child, get out. NOW, not later. The longer you stay, the longer you ALLOW this to happen.
|
|
HFAIOERHGIH
3/27/07 11:52 P
|
|
|
|
|
OLDSCHOOLER
3/27/07 9:11 A
|
|
|
|
Kohanakameko - I admire your courage and committment to your family. I hope and pray that your husband has had a change of heart and will continue to honor you and your son with his promise of restraint. I hope he doesn't follow the pattern of most abusers and treat you kindly for long enough to make you feel comfortable, then attack you again. Be very careful, please. My ex-husband would sometimes go as long as 1-2 months without abusing me, but every time he started again it was worse than the time before. My daughter was my saving grace. When his anger turned to her, I was out the door the next morning while he slept, with nothing but my daughter and the clothes on our back. It was hard to start over, but it was the best decision I ever made. I know everyone will be glad to know you're okay now, but please keep in touch.
Teresa
|
|
HFAIOERHGIH
3/27/07 2:18 A
|
|
|
|
|
HFAIOERHGIH
3/27/07 2:18 A
|
|
|
|
|
HFAIOERHGIH
3/27/07 2:17 A
|
|
|
|
|
HFAIOERHGIH
3/27/07 2:11 A
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| kohanakameko, I hope that everything is ok with you, I noticed that there have been no postings lately. If you are out congratulations, if you are still there God Bless you and be safe.
|
|
|
|
| I think all you ladies need to listen to a song that says it all about being abused. Listen to Stupid Boy by Keith Urban. It will touch your heart. It did mine.
|
|
|
|
| Honey, please don't wait for the next time, because that is all you are doing. I know leaving is hard, and disruptive, and sad. But. the only thing that is going to change his behavior is lots of intensive intervention and counseling, and I think he should do it before you share a roof with him again. He is both good and bad, and you saw the good, and fell in love with the good, but the bad is there and has to be addressed. Please don't expose you or your child to this any longer.
|
|
|
|
| I have been in your situation and I am saying from the bottom of my heart, please get out now. If not for yourself (though definately for you too!), then do it for your son. He doesn't need to seen his dad beating up on his mom or the screaming fights. It definately not good for him and will cause him to be a very nervous child. You don't deserve what has been happening to you. Whether you slapped him or not, there is never an excuse for a man hitting a woman. NEVER. And from experience, I can tell you that if they hit once, they will continue to hit. There may be better days, or cool down periods, but it will start again. I am begging you to get out now before it's too late.
|
|
DOCSTONE71
3/20/07 8:07 P
|
|
|
|
| Umm, why aren't you gone yet? Being honest here...you never deserved this crap!!! When you stood up for yourself or no matter what you did, he still did aweful things. I'm sorry to say but he will not change. It's tough because it seemed you all have the same dreams, desires, and even a family together. Trust me, your son doesn't need to hear or see any of this. Get out before you get hurt and your son thinks that treating women like your husband treats you is ok.....when it's not.
|
|
BNVS232000
3/20/07 5:45 P
|
|
|
|
You do not deserve this!! No one deserves this!! I understand where you are coming from about him getting custody but you have to think that if you stay with your son then look who is teaching him what a "man" is and how to treat women. Unless you want the cycle to be repeated then it must come to a stop one way or another. Take pictures of your bruises, that will help to prove the abuse and I hope you are talking to your friends too because they can be a witness so he cant say that you did it to yourself to make him look bad. He is not just abusing you but your son as well with the mental abuse. He wont remember because he's so young right now but if you stay, then he will grow up being called a "retard" and so forth. What's going to happen when he gets old enough to hit too? I was abused as a child and it's something that you can never really get over. You always doubt your self worth and your self esteem is shot. And what are you going to do if he ends up choking a little to hard? Who's going to take care of your son then if you never leave. Do you have family that can help or friends? I'm very worried for you. Please get help for you and your son's sake. I will pray for you.
I hope I didnt make you feel bad. It just upsets me when anyone is hurt like this.
|
|
|
|
| remember to tell yourself that you did nothing wrong, you don't deserve to be called names, hit, kicked or any other abuse they might throw your way. You are a good person, who deserves love and respect. More than anything you deserve to live, so protect yourself and your children. LEAVE NOW!!!!!!
|
|
OLDSCHOOLER
3/20/07 4:14 P
|
|
|
|
VIC2006 - so glad to hear you made it out alive and that you and your daughter are safe. There are so many of us that have lived in this kind of hell. This is such a major problem yet I don't see any good solutions.
XXCRYYBAXX - You are not stupid. Your man is telling you that because he doesn't want you to feel you can live without him. That is a common tactic of abusers. It sounds weird, but they abuse because they're weak.
Kohana - we haven't heard from you in a few days. I hope everything is okay with you. Please let us know.
Teresa
|
|
|
|
| It is so hard to sit and read this. I was in a very abusive relationship when i was younger. I thought i was in love. Boy was i fooled! I had a child with this man and things just got worse and worse and worse. First it started with name calling, emotional abuse, mental abuse. Then he would start shoving me, telling me its my fault, i made him do it. If i hadnt of made him mad it wouldnt have happened. I found myself tip toeing around him as to not upset him or set him off so to speak. Things slowly progressed, the simple shoving out of the way turned to pushing against the wall, which lead to kicking , and then eventually hitting. I let him get away with it all. Only he was smart as to never leave a bruise. I felt i had no proof as i had no marks. So in silence i wept. I kept telling myself i would leave next time, next time , next time. But i never left. I was scared to. He was watching my every move. He too tried to scare me into staying by saying if i left he would have my daughter taken away. But i knew that would be a decision the courts would make, not him. I contacted child welfare, found out my rights , and his, and made my plan to leave. Only it was too late. He came home and snapped before i had the chance to leave. He beat me black and blue and basically left me for dead. Thank god the neighbours heard the commotion and called the cops. The cops arrrived and i had him arrested. I took my daughter, whatever i could fit in the car and i left town that night. NEVER to look back again! He now had an abuse mark on his record so i knew it would be near impossible for him to take my daughter away. I went and stayed with a friend until i got back on my feet and created a safe, positive, loving environment for my daughter. Leaving is never easy, but i truely believe Once a beater, ALWAYS a beater! This man has gone on to beat other women after me. Do yourself and your son a favour and get out before its too late!!! You deserve so much better in your life. Leaving was the hardest, most emotional thing i have ever done but i wouldnt change it for the world.
|
|
XXCRYYBAXX
3/20/07 3:01 P
|
|
|
|
i never thought about that but thats probably what the school thinks when they see me. lol one time when they finally saw him they looked at him weird cause they had never saw him before (and the kids have been going to school for along time) then I said " this is their dad" they finally said "oh hi" lol but he never likes to do anything family like either though. I always do things with the kids but only sometimes with him though.
I already feel like im single even though we live in the same house.
|
|
SCHOTTGUNWIFE
3/20/07 2:55 P
|
|
|
|
if you are staying with family or friends as long as the kids are taken care of he should not be able to get them when I left I stayed with a friend my exinlaws tried to take the kids. However, they could not because they had no grounds my kids were healthy and happy. She had one child and I had three we were both single mothers and rented a house together. Don't let him intimidate you into staying. He has to prove you are a bad mom and if you are the one who usually is the one who takes him to pediatricition appointment and such he is going to have a tough time.
When I told my kids' school I was leaving their father they said they always thought I was already a single mother because he never did anything with them.
|
|
XXCRYYBAXX
3/20/07 2:23 P
|
|
|
|
Im sorry i dont mean to interrupt in here. But I have a question. Im sort of in the same situation but im in the emotional problem the last time he hit me was like 6mths ago though. He just constantly tells me how worthless and stupid and sooo much other things though, to be honest though I dont tell him anything bad nack though cause i dont want him to be mad at me. and i dont want him to hold it against me later on in the future though. but he tells me if I leave or call the cops that he'll say it was my fault and I'll lose the kids.
I have 3. I dont want that to happen.
He also told me that if I leave and if I dont have a place of my own that I'll lose them also.
I dont know if he is telling me the truth or what. Is this true?
|
|
MPRINCESS2
3/19/07 11:05 A
|
|
|
|
Get out ASAFP!
My ex was an emotional abuser and I know what you are talking about.
Take the child and go to the police station if you have no family!
You have NO reason to feel any guilt whatsoever!
|
|
OLDSCHOOLER
3/19/07 1:57 A
|
|
|
|
It is very difficult for me to read the things you said, even though you said things are better now. I suffered through 12 years of torture with my ex-husband, and it was only because he started abusing my daughter that I finally had enough and left. I hope that this man has truly seen the light and will change, but I wouldn't advise you staying if he acts up even once. If you leave and he really wants to get help, then he can prove himself to you while you are living somewhere else. I know how difficult this is for you. When I left I took nothing but my daughter. He was sleeping and I was afraid he would wake up and catch me leaving. I left literally everything I owned behind. But it didn't matter anymore. My daughter was all that mattered. Remember this, if your son grows up in an abusive household, he will become an abuser. You don't sound like the type of person who would want that for their child. Also, please heed the advice of others and do not be afraid to call the police. This man needs you and he will tell you anything he needs to tell you to keep you there. Don't fall for it. If it feels wrong, it is! Good luck and keep us posted.
Teresa
|
|
|
|
| PLEASE be very cautious, there is a phase called the honeymoon phase where everything is ok for a while then it hits the fan. Don't risk your life or the life of your precious child. Maybe you should contact his doctor before anything happens so that he is aware of the circumstances and will know what he is dealing with if and when it arises. NOTHING THAT YOU HAVE SAID OR DONE GIVES ANYONE THE RIGHT TO PHYSICALLY OR MENTALLY ABUSE YOU. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR SON AND DEMAND THE RIGHTS THAT YOU DESERVE.
|
|
HFAIOERHGIH
3/16/07 9:29 P
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
My neighbor was being abused by his wife. She threw him down the stairs and beleive it or not ran him over with her car 3 TIMES! He didn't know what to do. This kind of abuse stemmed out to their daughter as well.
We all found out later that the very best thing to do is to call 911. It is all recorded and admissable in court.
Do not wait if you still have bruises go to your doctor have them documented and get out. Leave your things, take your baby and run!
It is not your fault that your husband doesnt have the sense to see what he has in you. No one and I do mean no one has the right to lay a hand on another person in violence.
|
|
SCHOTTGUNWIFE
3/15/07 10:31 A
|
|
|
|
I was a lot like you 7 years ago. I had been with an abusive alcoholic for 13 years. Scared to leave with 3 children. As you probably do I hid a lot from family and friends except for one friend. When I decided to leave I got a lot of pressure from his parents. My final straw was when he started on the kids.
My kids saw so much. My oldest daughter has had a lot of relationship issues because of it. Seeing me get hit. She has been involved in some abusive relationships of her own.
He has now thanks to my leaving gotten help and now tries to be a good father. I would say leave stay with a friend for you and your kids. I know it is hard my selfesteem was gone. Like she said call 911 a police report of battering can help u get supervised visitation.
|
|
|
|
| In Ontario we have a program called VCARS who work with the police. These are volunteers that will meet with you and offer advice and help you find a safe place to live. Don't make the same mistake I did when I left my 1st husband. You have to have him charged by the police for the abuse and then they will be able to see what potential danger you baby would be in. PLEASE PLEASE CALL THE POLICE! NO ONE deserves to be abused, don't blame yourself, you are the victim. And please don't think that if you allow him to use you as a punching bag that he won't start on your son. Get out for your son's sake!
|
|
SPARK_COACH_JEN
3/15/07 6:34 A
|
|
|
|
Kohana,
I'm very sorry that you and your son have to go through this. No one deserves to be abused- either physically or mentally. My advice is to seek help right away from those around you- friends, other family, a battered women's shelter, etc., before something happens to you or your child. We are here to offer support, but we are not a replacement for professional help. If you fear for the safety of you or your child, please call 911 immediately.
My thoughts are with you!
Coach Jen
|
|
HFAIOERHGIH
3/15/07 2:36 A
|
|
|
|
|
