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JUBILANTJOYCE
12/3/06 11:31 P
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Amen
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We've kind of noticed that around our neck of the woods too, Russ -- although not to the extent of being in a "stupor," much to the boyfriend's chagrin!
Yet another benefit for putting in the effort, eh? Keep up with the good work and keep having fun!
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RUSS1985
11/28/06 12:14 P
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I've noticed that since my wife has lost over 50 lbs and I've lost about 35, that the intimacy and sex have come roaring back with a vengence. We spent the thanksgiving weekend in a complete post groove stupor, which is hard to do around a busy family schedule but very rewarding. It was almost as good as when we were dating. I highly recommend it. Two Thumbs way up!
And yes, I'm bragging! :P
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Well, I for one, could go every day. Though my wife is overweight, her weight doesn't matter to me. However, the opposite must be true for her. My weight (I guess) has apparently caused her to lose all interest in me sexually. It's been so long, I really don't remember when the last time was. Another (related) issue for us is her reluctance to discuss any of this. I don't know why, but she just doesn't want to talk about it.
I've dumped about 1/3 of the 100 pounds I plan to lose, but that hasn't made any difference so far.
Too bad, too, because when we first got together, we did it like bunnies . . . .
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for when I approach my goal. maybe when I look better . . . .
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Are you girls attractive to us guys when you have a little more weight? Absolutely!
CKLOEHN – My Disclaimers:
First, I will assume you are refereeing to sexual intimacy.
Second, I tend to over analyze everything.
Third, I am not an expert, but I once played doctor with the girl next door.
What you may be feeling is due to your weight may be many things
Your pregnancy caused many changes in your body, some of which do not always go back to the way they were before pregnancy. Some obvious things like the texture and color of your hair or even the color your eyes may change. My wife's hair became much darker after our first child.
Post partum, most women have higher levels of oxytocin, a hormone you have probably heard of previously. This hormone, in addition to causing contractions, also provides an aura of pleasure or sense of satiation. Nursing maintains this higher level of oxytocin and it is also possible that this lasts after nursing as you bond with your baby. Oxytocin causes a desire to “cuddle.”
There is also a tremendous change in your life style; this is a presumption. You have more responsibility and much more work. You are prone to be tired and stressed. You likely associate with other young mothers and discuss your children more than, say, men.
Now, being a guy, I do like my wife to be attractive and our intimacy is better when we are slimmer and more firm. I like the way we fit together “better” which puts more pressure on the lower abdomen. I also like to feel the firmness of her posterior. I desire to love her how ever she is at the moment, in the best way I know how. This is what you ladies do for us when we are less than lovable; when we are smelly, dirty and even mean, you love us anyway.
I do not think I am far from wrong in stating that we guys have differences of opinion on this issue as you girls will have about guys. Another thing is we also place different priorities on sexual intimacy. But given, a choice, we guys are usually going to enjoy our wives.
Please know that there are issues with guys that cause us to be less interested. This is obvious with all the media on ED. These include weight, stress, alcohol, and various disease processes.
Bottom line, a guy’s driving hormone is testosterone, and drive it does. We guys are often over looked in the hormone arena and written off as just that way. This hormone cycles in our bodies, yet it also reacts rapidly at the site of a woman, especially if it’s her fertile time of the month. This is due to subtle changes in a woman’s body which we guys are subconsciously aware. Humans have animal characteristics; a bull knows when there is a cow in season even if she is several pastures away.
So, there could be many reasons for the feeling of lack of intimacy and there may not be a clear correlation between the weight and your sense of deficiency. Talk to your husband about what is going on. Medical evaluation or counseling may be needed.
One last thing, as you get older, changes will occur to your body, so don’t put too much value in it staying the same.
BTW – You are very attractive with a pretty smile. You have a great looking family as well. I pray you find resolution.
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Well, I can say that when I was at my heaviest (Over 400) I just didn't want it. I couldn't do it well and quite frankly had the visual that I looked like a walrus in the middle of the process. Not a very flattering visual but it's pretty dang true.
As I've lost about 100 lbs in the last few years and about 30 over the past 6 months, I've noticed that I want to have sex with my wife more. My goal now is to get back the form I had when we met in college. So, if you're sitting here wondering what to do to get your groove back, just keep losing your weight. The intimacy can come back. Besides, sex for fun and workout is great. And it puts a great smile on your face all day. And there's nothing wrong with that!
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My dh of 21 years likes me whichever way I like myself. When I'm thinner, I feel confident and sexier, and yes, even amorous, which in turn, makes him a happy camper. When I'm larger, he doesn't get much because my confidence level has dropped, but he never fails to let me know that it doesn't matter. Secretly I think he likes me bigger there's more to hug and squeeze. Besides we find other ways besides the bedroom......
When I'm on the right track dieting wise......every opportunity to get some kind of workout in throughout the day is a benefit for me.......so the way I think of it....SEX-o-size burns up calories..he's helping me along my healthier lifestyle ....
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| WE DO FEEL IT TOO! It was very hard for me to meet someone because I was always so self conscious about the way I look. My defense mechanism is to make sure I joke about myself first before someone else gets the chance. For men (I stress "men") if you are lucky enough to find someone you love, once you know that person is "the one", looks kind of go out the window. You become attracted to that person in so many other ways that, sure you like the way a certain pair of jeans looks, but also the way that other person makes you feel about yourself. My girlfriend is the one who turned me onto Spark People because she was doing it. I found her as attractive to me the day she started Sparking as I did the day we met, as I do now. Now as for the intimacy... Enthusiasm is everything! If you are with the right person, you won't feel uncomfortable or vulnerable during intimacy - at least I don't. If my partner is enthusiastic, it makes it oh so much better for me! Also I believe that quantity was mentioned earlier as well - if we (as men) can get enthusiastic intimacy on a frequent basis, we will feel like the luckiest men alive! OK, I'm rambling... I guess my point is, if you are with the right person, having an intelligent adult conversation about something like your weight or health is not a bad thing, it's a great thing especially if you are looking for ways to help eachother and improve your life. If someone you are with is making you feel bad or inferior because of the way you look, there is nothing more hurtful because that person is the one who is supposed to be your biggest fan, not Ebert or Roper. And when it comes to being intimate, men and women, be enthusiastic, have fun, enjoy eachother as much as possible because there is nothing better you can do with a little spare time!
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| As usual, Buffed, a very wise observation from you!
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BUFFEDSTUFF
11/19/06 2:06 P
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| I think there are some really wonderful men out there the problem is..but they are usually not tall enough, or muscular enough, or handsome enough for the average woman. Some women like the package more than what is in the package. Just speaking from my own personal observation.
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JUBILANTJOYCE
11/19/06 12:38 P
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There are not enough men out there like true blue
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BUFFEDSTUFF
11/19/06 1:38 A
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| I think you gain it, I think when a couple that loves each other have problems they grow closer together. A man's job is to make a woman feel like a queen no matter what she weighs. That is what having an awesome lover and mate is all about.
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| I have had babies, I have 3, so I doubt that we will be having any. I wish my man loved me 100% the way that I am. But its ok... we all have things to work on.
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TRUEBLUE55
11/18/06 7:24 A
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I'm one of those guys who (when it comes to sex) look past the physical stuff and see the beauty within. Love should be able to look past the physical aspect of a partner.
I also really want to put it out there that guys also have this self-consciousness problem. A lot of guys find it hard to perform because they don't like what they look like.
Here's the kicker though... and i know Jayjo64 said this just before but i want to stress how accurate this is for most guys.
Most men want their partner to enjoy herself. It doesn't matter if your small or large, short or tall, black or white, most men get turned on (sorry for the bluntness) when they see their partner enjoying it.
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| I don't know a woman in the world isn't who self-conscious when she gains weight -- everywhere, not just in bed -- but I've also had enough relationships and enough discussion with male friends to know that men DO NOT care! The quality of the sex (and the quantity, for most!) is far more important to them than what their partner's bodies look like. What they really want is a partner who is enjoying herself and I know for a fact that men would much prefer an enthusiastic partner who is overweight than one who is thin but who just isn't "there."
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JUBILANTJOYCE
11/17/06 10:44 P
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| Even five pounds makes a difference for some reason.
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ANEWSTACY
11/17/06 12:41 P
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Oh my gosh. I am soooo glad that my man likes me just the way I am. Don't get me wrong, he can't wait until I get to where I want to be. But he doesn't make an issue of the rut I've been in and loves me just the way I am.
You're doing the right thing losing it for you and not him. But what is he going to do when you gain weight from having a baby?
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My boyfriend of 2 years is unhappy with the body that has developed due to late night dinners and restraunt food, even though it is a body that he helped create. I have been dieting for a month with little results but was really hurt to hear him tell me that he liked me thinner and that we don't have as much sex b/c its not readily on his mind due to my bigger body. I was crushed! I will get back on track though. Not for him, for me. I liked me thinner and healthier too!
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SHARONMAY2007
11/16/06 11:03 A
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I have I believe that with all of the weight that I have gained since the girls were born I don't feel intimate though my husband does. I have noticed that as I have been losing weight I am feeling more amorous and feel better about my body.
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FREEDOMWITHIN
11/14/06 5:46 P
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Acceptance is the platform for change. Once you accept yourself and your body the way you are now, you can be catapulted into free choice and free will — a positive spirit that will help you set goals and be motivated enough to achieve them.
Envision yourself the way you'd like to be. Tell yourself how great you look now, but get excited about looking even better. With that mental picture, and positive reinforcement, looking and feeling better will be a snap.
Imagine you are speaking to your best friend every time you look in the mirror. Would you ever tell them how fat they look? Would you ever tell them their thighs disgust you or their stomachs are grotesque? Why, then, would you hurt yourself like that?
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cricketro, is the carmen electra striptease workout really a workout ? Or is it a dance you can do or a combination of both? I think it would be fun to do a sexy workout (maybe make youfeel sexy ?) but I wouldn't want to be dripping sweat if I were dancing for my man ! I've been interested in those videos for a while, you think they're good ? I'm not in good shape at all, are they very difficult ? Sorry for all the questions. Thanks !
Dianne
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KATELYNN2000
11/9/06 10:14 P
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Hi, Dianne!!
Hi, Homebody!!
I understand what you're saying Homebody, but it's hard not to let it bother me! Don't worry, I don't let it stop us from having a lovelife, I just don't feel comfortable with the way my body is right now!!!
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| I've probably said this on every thread I've been on, but if your husband wants to jump into bed with you and the only problem is your own self-consciousness about your weight, just close your eyes and consider yourself lucky. My weight has never varied much except for my pregnancies and my husband has never said anything critical about my body but we have had other "issues" and I have spent more miserable years than happy ones because we couldn't get along. After 10 years we're just beginning to be happy. So if you don't have other "issues" don't create them. Just enjoy yourself !
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BLUEMORPHAL
11/9/06 7:26 P
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 I am a new spark person. I just started dieting today after having three children aging from 11, 8, 1. I have been having alot of changes in my life including moving in the last month (away from friends and family), and graduating from nursing school( starting a new career). I just can't seem to get the fire going in the bedroom and boy does my husband of 11 years try I seem to only give in out of guilt and I find my husband very attractive but I just hate the way I look naked right now. He doesn't care but always makes little jokes about my butt growing in size. To him it's no big deal but to me it is.
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Katelynn2000, haven't I seen you somewhere before ?
I gained a lot of weight over a short period of time after my baby was born, although my husband is enjoying a much bustier wife, I feel very uncomfortable with all this extra me everywhere. I think for me, its a combination of the new baby blues and responsibilities and all the stress that comes with that and the gained weight that has caused my lull in the bedroom. I'm not going to try and wait till I lose weight to start feeling better about myself but I am going to get serious about losing weight and living a healthy lifestyle. I think that will help in the bedroom too ? !
Dianne
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KATELYNN2000
11/9/06 1:11 A
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| Oh, if my husband had his way, we'd be as busy as we were when we first got married, I just don't feel as comfortable!!
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I guess I'm lucky, my husband is great and we have a great sex life.
I've been a big girl for as long as he's known me, though. It's not like I was skinny when we met. I definitely gained weight with my pregnancy and I've gained over the years that we've been together, but it's always been ok.
I'm a pretty confident person and I've often wondered if that hindered my weight loss. You know? Thinking "Hey, I'm ok, I'm a good person. I have a husband, son and extended family that love me. Why bother losing the weight?"
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KATELYNN2000
11/8/06 3:00 P
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| I know that, for me, I gained my weight in a very short amount of time and my comfort level in the bedroom DID definitely decrease at the same rate, at the same time!! SO I'm sure it will make a difference for me!!
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AMYDUKESHIRE
11/8/06 2:56 P
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| It will be interesting to see if we do indeed feel better in the bedroom as we all lose weight. I sure hope so!
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8BLUETULIPS
11/8/06 12:21 P
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| I CAN RELATE TO THIS I NOTICE THAT I DON'T FEEL SEXY AT ALL.I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT MY HUSBAND EVEN WANTS TO HAVE IT WITH ME.I AM RYING HARDER I BOUGHT SOME NICE NIGHTGOWNS AND I REALIZE IF HE LOVES ME THEN THAT IS WHAT MATTERS.I HOPEAS I LOSE THE FEELING WILL COME BACK AGAIN
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KATELYNN2000
11/8/06 12:06 P
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| I know, I just hate it when he messes with my "flab"!! I don't like it, even if he's okay with it!! But I'm working on it!! Someday, I'll have a flat belly again!!
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AMYDUKESHIRE
11/8/06 8:31 A
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| I know just how you feel. I was a size 14 for a year in college and had an amazing relationship with my then-boyfriend. When we got married and I started putting weight on (around the same time I developed high blood pressure) I lost confidence. After having my second child I was no longer just sporting a large belly, it fell down! I don't like the feel of my husband touching my flabby belly at all. I know he is not turned off by it at all, he still lusts after me, but I can't stand to see it or have him touch me. Though now that I have lost a few pounds and recently was able to buy an outfit in a size 18 instead of a size 20 we had the best sex in years that night. I was so confident in how I looked! Some sexy makeup helped too. So don't give up and keep trying. It will get better!
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KATELYNN2000
11/8/06 12:23 A
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