I agree with Coach Dean. Was soccer something your son wanted to do or did you just sign him up because you thought it was something he should do?
If he's suffering from comparisons to the other kids, it might be better for him to do something that is more individual. I know as a parent of a 3 year-old, I want to give him that edge, but if I sign him up for something and it's not working for him, I pull him out and try something else. When he's older and is asking to sign up for different activities though, I will make him finish out whatever season or class term there is so he can learn committment, but at 3, or even 5, I don't think it really applies.
As for DH being involved, he will be in different ways from you. It's ok if you're the active parent. DH will find something of his own. But you can't control anyone's actions other than your own, so don't waste your energy fretting over what DH doesn't do that you wish he would. And that advice comes from experience. You'll be much happier when you stop worrying about whether he's messing them up...he's there, which is more than a lot of mothers can say.
JLANIJ 10/8/06 1:24 A
another option you can look at is Cub Scouts -they start in first grade.
My fourth grader is in his second year of it and my 5 year old is chomping at the bit waiting for his turn.
There are alot of great male role models and it is SUPER family oriented, the parents get to do almost everything the kids do if you want(hiking, pinewood derby, camping, etc). My husband isn't a big sports guy, good eater, or overall great role model, but he actually went with my son to summer camp with the scouts for 3 days (they got to ride horses, try BB guns and archery, pan for gold, etc) and loved it so much he is already volunteering for next year. Scouting gives you alot of options for activities you wouldn't normally do. Here they meet once a week and do occasional activities on the weekend. Maybe it is something to think about!
TBARTON 10/7/06 3:50 P
I have four kids and I've found that the best way to do it is to make it fun. Nobody would enjoy it if it's something you *have* to do. Make it fun. My kids (2 boys and 2 girls) go hiking with me. We swim and bike together. We run races together. (Nothing motivates an 11 yo boy more than seeing mom catching up to him at the finish of a 5K! ;-) I called out to my son at our race last week and it was like he was suddenly shot out of a cannon. LOL!)Dh is into it now too so we run as a family. Go Team Barton! We're even making up shirts. :-) We Geocache together. All sorts of fun, active stuff. Even if dh never decides to join in, as long as it's fun the kids will get something out of it.
If soccer isn't working out for him, that's okay. Try baseball next spring. Team sports didn't really work for my oldest son. He much prefered Tae Kwon Do and cross country. Things that were more individual-oriented.
Start small and then work your way up. Go for walks in the park or hikes in the woods. Go for bike rides through the neighborhood. Walk *to* somewhere so the emhasis isn't on "Mom's making me exercise." Walk to the store or hike to a good picnic site. Ride bikes to visit a friend. They'll gradually become more fit. My kids love running races. Lily started running 1 mile races when she was 3 (and she did it in 12 minutes!) Our local running club puts on a great summer program. The focus is on fun. They run a little and then play running games. It's free and my kids love it. I think my oldest is going to be an instructor next year. :-)There are also free tennis lessons during the summer in our area. Check around and I'm sure you'll find plenty of opportunities for active fun.
Make plenty of time for outside play. You can't get fit playing video games.:-) Invite some friends over that like to be active and start up a baseball game or have a neighborhood game of tag. Just make it fun and the kids will love it.
SONFLOWER_TX 10/5/06 12:29 P
JaceyK I sympathize. My husband is very active but he tends to break the law when he drives. He runs stop signs, speeds, ignores yield signs and he will make his own exit by driving over the grass when he wants to exit a highway. He is a fine husband in many ways but thinks the law does not apply to him, a problem rampant in his family. This is the example he sets when driving and my stepson and nephews are in the car. And they all look up to him of course and think he can't do anything wrong, so of course, they will do what he does when it is their turn to drive. When I point things out he thinks I nag (I am just the wife, my opinion means little), and it goes nowhere. Even getting a ticket occasionally does not stop this. He is almost 50 so I don't see much change on the horizon but hopefully I am wrong. My point in all this is your title "Setting examples for boys" really hit home with me. I want to encourage you that you actually have more influence than you realize with you sons, and any activity is better than none, so do all that you can to get them moving. When they see their friends' dads moving they will also realize that Mom is onto something here, and they might end up being the catalyst to get your husband to move. He might end up getting left out of the "fun" and decide he doesn't want to be left out. I know it's hard but you are doing the right thing. Ruthie
MOM2BOYS 10/5/06 8:55 A
My sons don't run as fast as others on their teams but they have a good time with it.
Sounds like you are on the right track with your weekends. We frequently go on walks after dinner as a family. Sometimes we do a little racing to see who can be first to some landmark coming up.
Good luck!
SP_COACH_DEAN 10/4/06 10:05 A
Hi, J
With a 5 year old, the most important thing will probably be to help him find something physical that he enjoys doing. It could really backfire to try to push him into sports or activities that he doesn't enjoy, or to bug him about "exercising." Some kids like team sports, others like individual sports like roller blading, biking, martial arts, etc. If you can help him find something he wants to do, his natural enthusiasm will kick in and take it from there. family activities like those you mentioned are good, too.
Hope this helps.
Coach Dean
CUDA440 10/4/06 10:00 A
Could you, your husband, and 2 older kids PLAY soccor together in your yard or at a local park? Dad and daughter on one team, you and your son on another team and see who wins. This would help him with his skills and may help with his running and endurance. Even playing Tag, Baseball, Basketball, etc. may help. But Do it as a family. I am sure your husband will want to see his son excel in sports. OR if you still have a really bad issue with the computer and stuff. Get rid of internet access for a while. We didn't have this stuff (computer, video games) as kids, but My mom would take the cable for the TV antenna and hide it so we couldn't watch TV. Until we figured out we could use the VCR to play movies instead.
Sorry, but my husband is a big on being outside. But it's getting harder since it's getting dark so soon, and getting colder out too.
Hope you can find something.
Beckie
JACEYK 10/3/06 11:35 A
I am really concerned about how my boys are being raised. I read somewhere that boys learn better from male peers/family/teachers than they do females and same for girls (girls learn better from female peers/family/teachers). Anyway, this has me concerned because my husband is NOT setting the best example physically or socially. He's more of reclusive personality and never exercises (plays on computer or watches t.v.).
However, I, too, was not very active but I WANT to change this (and I will too!). I am gradually changing our weekends to be more active. I want to bring them on walks with me as well as take them hiking, biking, etc. Now granted, my two sons are 5 and 2 (I also have a 7.5 year old daughter who is VERY adept at making healthy eating choices and is active).
You see, I grew more concerned after enrolling my oldest son in soccer for the first time. I noticed that he didn't have near the stamina that the rest of the boys had...and he isn't running too well (more like a fast walk). Additionally, it really hits his esteem when he sees other boys (and girls) go faster than him and then he just loses all determination to try harder and deflates. I have tried to talk him through it but it's very difficult when he's so head strong. So I have been trying to figure out how to help him get his stamina up and build on his speed. I also want to help his image a little so that he is more determined to reach a goal. I know that he is only 5 but setting the foundation starts early, right? It just irks me to no end that there is no help from my husband but I will do what he won't and pray that it sticks to the kids.
