Just some more thoughts: With my younger DD a lot of her temper tantrums are food related and even at 7 if her blood sugar gets low she flys off the handle. With her we learned that if we could feed her at the first sign of a tantrum it would usually head it off.
With my older DD at 4, tantrums were usually brought on by being in situations she didn't like. That lead to unreasonable demands from her and "no's" from me which led to tantrums. Unfortunatly the situation she didn't like most of all was shopping and, man, I have to get grocieries and household supplies at least. DH was working long hours in a new city so I didn't have sitting as an option very often. We finally started a game we called Blue's Clues because that was big for her. Whenever we had to shop, I'd tell her where we were going and remind her what behavior was expected. When we got there, I'd hand her her notebook and we'd head out. If she held my hand in the parking lot I might comment on it and mark a clue in her notebook or I might not this time. Basically when I noticed her behaving the way she needed to, I had the option to compliment her and reward her with a mark in the book. If she was behaving badly, she got maybe 2 warnings, given while we were eye to eye so I knew she heard me, that if she didn't stop throwing things out of the cart or whatever that I'd take away a clue. If she stopped, she saved the clue, if she didn't it was erased. We agreed ahead of time on rewards for so many clues like a small toy or candy or the choice of where to eat lunch. The rewards were smaller and given faster when we started and then grew larger and required more "clues" as we progressed. She still doesn't like to shop at 11 but she can get through it now. Finally.
TRUFFLEMAKER 8/2/06 10:51 A
In my experience, extended temper tantrums can be food related! It is something to think about, and check into if you think it might apply to your child.
My son is now 11 years old. Temper tantrums started at about 15 months. He could scream for hours over NOTHING!!! Each year I thought it was a "stage"--first the terrible twos, then it was extended into the terrible threes, then it became the horrible fours, fives etc. He could not seem to control his emotions, even through all kinds of behaviour modification, sticker systems, etc. They would work for a while but he always ended up back at square 1. He became so unhappy about himself, because he got in trouble all the time but had no idea how it happened!
Unwilling to put him on drugs to control his behaviour, we took him to an environmental M.D. who ran all kinds of biological tests. She determined that he is sensitive to gluten and milk (he is not celiac though). We did not know what to expect, but we changed his diet as a trial. After 1 month, his digestion improved enormously--no more loose stools, and no more gurgling belly and gas. After 3 months, he was no longer having temper tantrums. It has now been 18 months, and every day seems like a miracle to me. He is very strict about his diet because he feels so much better. He reads all labels, and I make most food from scratch because there is gluten in so much processed food. A few times he has accidentally had some gluten, and he has a major temper tantrum within 24 hours.
Looking back, I can see that his tantrums started shortly after he was introduced to "real" food, including bread and pasta.
KIMBERLY19 8/2/06 10:15 A
with my son, i put him in his room and tell him when he is done, he may come out and we will talk. he will usually calm himself and we talk things through. on occasion, he gets worse, and when he is really mad, he begins hurting others and things. i then tell him he will get a spanking if doesn't stop, if he stops, fine, if not, i put him over my knee and spank him 3 times, (one for each year). he then stops and tells me "sorry mommy" i tell him that i still love him, but it is not okay to throw fits when he doesn't get what he wants." this is what works for my son, all kids are different though, i hope you all find the method that works for you. God Bless, kim
TLCOLLINS 8/2/06 9:17 A
Another one dealing with the 4 year old who thinks she rules the roost! I just ignore it, she is learning pretty darn quickly that loud, aggressive behaviour does not get her anything. Make sure you point out when they behave correctly though, saying something along the lines of "That is the correct way to ask/ behave. That makes mummy sooo happy."
**BIZY** 8/2/06 3:11 A
Hi, I am sorry to hear your dealing with tempers. I did too and sometimes, still do. It get frustrating I KNOW. :)
This is what worked for me.. Remind your son the that when he gets angry that the right way to handle it is to take a deep breath and if he has to to walk away. Crying will not help him get what he wants. (or any other methode of your choice to calm.)
DO NOT GIVE IN! This is #1 rule for parents. Don't give in to a tantrum if they can't get what they want.
Don't loose your cool. Stay calm. Remind him and yourself that your in control and your the adult. Get that low authoritive voice. I give myself a pep talk inside my head to help me weather thru and handle the situation as calmly as possible.
If you've said no, it stays no.
Give a warning... when the tantrum starts "you need to stop crying. This is your warning. I said no cookies till after dinner. If you throw a fit you will be in time out"
If he doesn't change the behavior, immediatly put him in time out telling him why "your in time for throwing a fit when my answere was no."
if he gets up put him back however many times it takes
then when the minutes per age are over, ask for apology and resume your day on a lighter note.
My son would scream bloody murder over broken cheese and I would not get him another one. (expensive ya know) I told him I understand he's upset, but it's still cheese.
I tell stories at bedtime that go over the lesson of not getting what you want when you want it. And describe how the bunny gets mad but controls himself or how my son in the story tells the bunny how to control himself.
I act out (model) situations. I will act like i can't get something open and have a really hard time all while he's watching me and pause and take a breath and get it., stuff like that get creative, everythings a learning opportunity for acceptable behavior.
My son wanted to go outside and play with chalk and I had dinner on the stove. It was getting dark and time for dinner. I said that it was almost dinner time and he could play tomarrow after shool and we'll make a hopscotch board. He started to cry and was about to go into flipout mode and right away I said " excuse me that is not going to help you. If you thro a fit your going to get a time out. You CAN play outside tomarrow" and 90% of the time he stops and walks off and comes back to tell me he took a deep breath and he's not mad anymore. So it took a while of sticking to it and it has helped in the long run. I swear I thought I would break down and cry sometimes and I have a lot of patience.
I had to be consistant. So he knew that 100% of the time he is going to get the same results. Because if he knows he has to scream for 5 minutes, throw toys for 2 minutes, call me names and slam the doors to get me to finally say yes, he will do that every time and keep uping the stakes.
I really hope it gets better for you because I really know what your talking about. Good luck okay.
Bizy
DANI182 8/1/06 11:02 P
Oh I really wish I could help you with this one cause my son is doing the same thing.
MAMA2002 8/1/06 10:49 P
oh gosh do i need massive help on my little boys tempers. he has them if he dont get his way. i dont know what to do with him when he has them. please help me soon. jacki
