It is like you took the thoughts from my head and put them there for me to find. We are not yet married, but my fiance is that way. He is always telling me that he wants to go to the gym and workout, but he never goes. He is always "tired" or something "hurts" or he just plain doesn't feel like it. I know that he is insecure because although I have never pointed out how built he isn't ... he knows that that is my preference for men. He knows my weaknesses for muscle, and he is down on himself that his aren't that big or that toned. I told him ... "So get moving. Like me, if there is a problem with your body, fix it." So far, he isn't. Honestly? I don't care. His body is fine to me, but I don't see why all these men gripe and complain about their bodies but do nothing to change them. I think that part of what stops Ryan is just a lack of knowledge. I am going to start printing articles and stuff from here for him to read ... when we get a printer.
KARELLE02 7/30/06 5:39 P
I could have wriiten this exact post about my own husband! He has gained 20 lbs & hates it. He complains about being fat all the time & whines that his clothes don't fit anymore. Yet, when I joined SP & told him all about it, he just wasn't interested. He always says 'I need to workout', but in his spare time you'll find him watching TV. I'm vegetarian (hubby & 3 sons are not) & we only eat organic food, but he fights me a lot on it. He was raised on white bread & spam, so he only knows junk junk junk... Trying to get him to eat green veggies is such a chore too. his problem, unlike your hubby, is that he eats crap (lots of Coke, Starbucks, fast food) all day at work & only gets 1 healthy meal a day. If you find something, let me know!!
MOELEMAGNE 7/29/06 12:12 A
My husband also put on some weight in the last two years. He gained about 40lbs when he took a night job. I never said anything to him about dieting. When I joined this site to lose the last of my baby weight (baby is now 2), learn some healthy habits and start exercising, he joined it the same day without me ever saying anything to him. When I asked him why he said "You make me want to be a better man." Anyway, we set up our exercise program to be the same, so we do the same exercises the same days. And we track what we eat. We didn't change anything, except to add some fresh fruits and vegetables to our meals and snacks, but suddenly he's paying more attention to what a serving is and not eating 3 or more servings of things like pasta and meat at a meal. He's already lost 5lbs. My suggestion is to try to get your husband on SparkPeople, let him track his own calories and things. Do things together. We take our two small boys and go for walks around the neighborhood. Also, he needs to pack a lunch or take snacks or something. My husband is about to start a new day job (no more nights YAY!), and I'm going to pack his lunch and snacks. But I stay home, so I have the time. Maybe there are some healthy things you cook on weekends and freeze in serving sizes for him to take to work for lunches. Homemade frozen dinners. Just a suggestion. Hope you find something that works.
BUFFEDSTUFF 7/27/06 1:27 P
Maybe he just wants to vent, I know of a lot of people who don't like their weight but they don't want to spend the hard work and time and effort it takes to have what they want. so don't worry about it because when he really wants to lose the weight he will get into action. Just listen to him and who knows one day he might have enough of it and get up and do it.
KIMBERLY19 7/27/06 12:24 P
have you thought of making his lunch, or him making it, the night before? my hubby used to do that when he had to be at work very early and i would not be up yet. also slimfast shakes are really good at keeping down the hunger, and it is easy to grab.
side note: i am sorry if i sounded like i was blaming you, i wasn't, i was just trying to give you suggestions.
also, how long have you been dieting? maybe you can ask him if he can help you. like.... if he will be your accountability partner. exersice together and eat right throughout the day, that way, (if he agrees to help) he will have to do in order to not let you down. like if he decides to skip an evening walk, he lets you down in the process, because now he is making you skip the walk too. my hubby did this for me at first, even though he did not have any weight to lose. he did it just to help me. God Bless, kim
PUNKSMUM 7/27/06 11:05 A
Good morning. Just thought I would add my two cents. You said you are on this site to lose also. If you are buying the groceries so you can lose weight, just don't buy the other stuff. Tell him that you can't resist it if it is in the house so he thinks he is helping you by not having it there. If it is not there he cannot eat it. I have a meat and potatoes man with 2 boys (3 & 12) so I know how hard it is to diet in this house. I slowly switched our foods to healthier versions of the originals and they all eat it now. My 3 year old loves my caramel or cheese rice cakes so I have to make sure I add a few to my portion or I don't get my portion...he does. When I made spaghetti I used half whole wheat pasta. When I made stir fry I used brown rice. Nobody noticed a difference in the taste. Maybe your hubby will feel guilty if you start making 2 meals (one his way and one your way) and suggest to try yours so you don't have to make two. Maybe he thinks dieting means bland or yucky diet foods. I love the Lean Cuisine pizzas and the Smart Ones desserts, the Breyers lite ice cream. My husband thinks if you just "don't eat so much" you will lose weight. I tried to explain to him that not everyone gains weight because they "eat too much" and unlike men, women's bodies just don't work like that because of our hormones and stuff. Guys just look at things different than we do and usually don't have to work as hard at it. Just don't give up. I say just start making small changes and see if he notices. Good luck. I'll check back to see how it is going.
JENF66 7/27/06 10:46 A
I know that liquid replacement meals and meal replacement bars aren't usually the best way to o about losing weight to keep it off in the long run, however, since he is not eating anything for breakfast or lunch (and there really isn't anything simple than grabbing a can or a bar as you run out the door) it could be a good idea for your husband. At the very least it should help take an edge off of his hungar so that he doesn't eat so much when he gets home.
LILYLEG 7/27/06 7:26 A
My husband is the one who mentions his weight all the time, not me, he is a very happy man in all over aspects, and up until now i've never said anything about his weight. I am trying to help him as he mentions his 'belly' all the time and worries about his clothes looking to small, which is something he never did before. but now I am suggesting healthier living to help, and I would be a great support to him - I can cook healthy meals which is something he wont do for himself, he says he isnt ready because he wants to eat as he does now and 'doesnt have time or energy' to exercise. :-/
It may come accross in my post that I am pushing him, but i'm truly not, my hubby knows i'd stand by him if he was another 20 pound heavier if thats what he wanted, but he does want to lose it, just doesnt want to put the effort in to do so, he's quite honest about that.
Its not a case of put on 20 pound... he was already at his top weight before that, and now on the charts on this site and others he is at the top end of his over weight range.
I am a concerned wife, who's looking out for her hubby, and just doesnt know how to motivate him to do what he wants to do , which is to shift some weight. I do instigate long family walks. ( all be it slow walks to let our 2 year old keep up ) I guess I'll have to sit back and leave him to carry on the way he is, but with all overeating, if someone had stepped in before it got out of control the struggle back to a goal weight would not be such a long journey. I am on this site to lose weight too so I am not unfeeling to how he feels about his weight or how hard it is to get started on a healthier lifestyle. I just needed some advice on what would inspire him to make the changes.
best wishes and good luck to you too Kim
~peach
KIMBERLY19 7/27/06 7:04 A
have you ever thought that maybe his unhappiness has nothing to do with weight, but with the way you are pushing him to diet? think about it... would you like your hubby telling you that you gained too much weight and you're not so pretty anymore? im not trying to slam you, but only trying to put you into his shoes. try to stop bugging him about his weight, love him for who he is. and you can always plan extra activities for the whole family to stay fit, thing like going to the pool, ice skating, roller skating, you get the picture. as far as the junk food goes, don't keep any in the house. there are plenty of yummy snacks that are healthy too.
bottom line, 20 lbs isn't so bad, if he has health problems, see the doc and the doc will give him a program to follow.
i hope this helps a little. good luck and God Bless. kim
LILYLEG 7/27/06 3:37 A
I know that its totally up to him, but my husband has gained about 20 pound over the last 2 years, he used to have a very physical job and worked out alot. His job changed to more of a desk oriented job and he doesnt do any form of excersise. He is a well built man, 6ft but stocky framed, he was already at the top end of his weight range when I met him and it suited him because he was very muscular aswell.
He says when he hits 16 stone and stays that weight for a few weeks he will diet. he said that about 15 stone!! I used to say he looked fine as I didnt want to offend him, but now i've made it clear he ought to consider weight loss. His face and body has changed alot and I know his self image has lowered with it, but he still wont diet!! I think he see's it as to much trouble. Because he doesnt eat all day at work ( he runs out the door without breakfast, and never makes himself any lunch before he leaves - I used to do it but I have 3 children to sort out and work of my own so the lunch issue is up to him to make ) But when he gets in from work he eats enough to double his daily calorie requirement! and alot of bad food! I can see him getting to 17 stone and still saying no to a diet. How can I convince him to diet for his health as well as his appearance and self image? I tried showing him pics of a few years ago and made comments like "wow look how slim you were then" but it goes right over his head. If he was happy being big I'd leave it, but I know he isn't.
