  |
|
CATHARINE3
8/31/06 12:08 P
|
|
|
|
Hello all,
Just wanted to update.
My daughter ended up getting kicked out of the teen shelter, and was placed in another city. Then I got the call that I knew was coming but was not wanting.
The police, she had been arrested.
Luckily, charges were not laid because of the situation that led her to be charged. But from the time I got the first call until last week, i was on the phone to her doctor.
Finally, a special placement opened up in the hospital that would finally diagnose her properly. On Monday we travelled to the hospital where she was admitted for a 4-6 week program.
However, it didnt end there in the interview according to my daughter I was to blame, she threatened my life and my sons and my fiances life. She admitted she was homicidal, and suicidal. I left the hospital in dismay. I was totally angry and frustrated.
she called last night, and once again I started beating myself up emotionally, I cant help but blame myself because according to her she is doing just fine there. I know she is ill and they will diagnose her properly and then we can get on with the healing properly but doesnt mean that I dont feel guilty, I dont believe it is not my fault but at the same time, I am holding out, not showing her how I feel and supporting as much as I can at a distance.
Cathy
|
|
DEETIPTON
7/24/06 12:36 P
|
|
|
|
| Hello. I cannot imagine having a child with the issues that yours do, but it sounds like you're both doing the right things. I pray that things can stay sane for you. Good luck to you both.
|
|
|
|
Sounds like things are in place to help her. Now it is just a matter of time before you see your little girl back. Stay strong Catharine and know we are all behind you!!
|
|
CATHARINE3
7/23/06 6:50 A
|
|
|
|
Laurie thank you
She is in a teen shelter, she is having a rough time there, I want to wrap my arms around her and take her home but know i cannot, and should not. She is scheduled to go to a treatment centre for a couple months north of Toronto, ON, which I am pleased to say. I have had her over for a couple hours but she really is becoming scary because she thinks everyone now is out to get her.
She needs this help desperately, and doesnt seem to be getting it fast enough. But I hope and pray she will make it through.
Cathy
|
|
|
|
Catharine - How are things going with your daughter? I think of you often.
|
|
|
|
Unfortunately sometimes you need to hit your lowest point to realize you need help. My 21 year old had a bit of a relapse last night and moved back home. I am not pleased as we walk on pins and needles when she is here, waiting for an explosion. I told her the conditionwas she needed to see her doc right away to go back on her meds and she needed to see a psych. She refused, it was late, we all went to bed. Will see what today brings.
My thoughts are with you Catharine. Stay strong, look to your family for support. Day to day!
|
|
|
|
Once again my daughter has been kicked out of the place she is living in and has now moved into a rough part of town with another girl, and an older guy. I am worried for her sake. I went there yesterday and I was astonished with the living conditions of this place, the walls were patched up, the house was barren it looked like a "flop" house.
She is missing her doctor's appointment, because she has to work, this is not a good thing in my opinion. All I can do is hope and pray she will realize that she needs her meds and her phychatrist.
|
|
|
|
| Take it day to day Catharine - I know that's what you are doing. Hopefully as she gets older she will calm down and start seeing things clearer. Don't ever feel guilty - you are doing everything all you can.
|
|
|
|
| Actually at the age of 16 she had herself removed because she didnt want to live by my rules. She had lived with her dad and when I was able to get her into a residental care program after 2 weeks they had to dismiss her and then she moved to a shelter and then another which is where she is. Unfortuantely, the hospitals will not admit her as an impatient for evaluation and I really dont know why. I live in Hamilton and I was hoping the phychatrist would have admitted her into Mac but I dont know why they havent. Ive been trying for so long to get her treatment, and everyone says they "cant"
|
|
|
|
| Keep pushing it Catharine. Seems like the only way you can get anywhere is by constantly badgering them. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Is it the police that come and remove her? Do you live near Toronto? Doesn't Sick Kid's have a pediatric psych ward where she could be evaluated and get treatment?
|
|
|
|
| Well we had another incident last night and she had to be removed to another shelter. I asked them why not into a health treatment place and they said they do that for children unless its so sever they are going to kill someone or themselves right now. There also is no beds or funding again. But I am going to call the oma again and find out what else i can do
|
|
|
|
| The US is very different from Canada. Our government tries very hard to keep kids in the home as long as possible. Here in BC we now have pediatric psychiatric wards where kids can go for 21 day stays - on the doctors referral. I know through my own experience that there are some great private outreach centers available and if you call your local health department they might be able to give you some ideas.
|
|
BOSSYMOMMA
6/30/06 5:29 P
|
|
|
|
Catharine---What about state run mental health boards (we have them in Ohio). OR---and this sounds very severe (I work with people with disabilities and many are dually diagnosed), I have had parents call Chiildren's Services to get abusive children out of there house. Parents give up custody to protect the other children. That way you are also no longer responsible for her choices.
|
|
CATHARINE3
6/30/06 1:19 P
|
|
|
|
| As far as I know, no there is no real programs when the child is 16. Ive been told that she can do what she wants except I am still responsible for her. I can set up all the medical etc but I have no right to know anything unless she signs that I can.
|
|
|
|
It sounds like your daughter is intelligent and has learned how to get what she wants by manipulating others. Being able to manipulate other does take intelligence and planning, smart kid!
It also sounds like you have been trying to get your daughter the help she desperately needs… while at the same time trying to provide your other children with the stable home that they need. What a hard job this must be. I give you credit for working so hard at this. It sounds like you love all your children and want what is best for all of them.
But what I hear you saying is that you feel you have done everything you can for your daughter, and for the safety of the rest of your family you can not have her in your home and are worried about the short and long term effects on your son to being exposed to her attention seeking and violent behavior. It sound like you know what is best for you and your family, not to have her in your home.
Is there a way that you can force the state to provide her with the mental health care she needs?
In the US, at least in NY State, a parent can give up all legal custody of their child to the State. At this point the state is responsible for the Childs care. This drastic, but this happens because many parents can not get their children the mental health care that they need (for various reasons).
Is there something like this in Canada? Are there programs for at risk youth with MH diagnosis???
|
|
CATHARINE3
6/30/06 12:47 P
|
|
|
|
| She has lived at shelters, with her father, with family and friends and in residential centers. I had hoped that she would be more respectful but she is not. Her phychatrist doesnt help because she always says to her that she cant help it. And my daughter uses the illness as an excuse for the violence. Unfortunately, all my family do not want her around. The last place she stayed for two weeks before they called me and told me she had to go.
|
|
CATHARINE3
6/30/06 12:43 P
|
|
|
|
She is on several different medications. She has been to Emergency Phychatric Treatment several times as as long as she is not a potential harm to herself or others at that time, she is released. They will not hold her in phychatric treatment. The longest they have held her is overnight.
The medications work for the phychosis (keeping her phychosis in check - the wandering, living in reality, talking to people that are not there) but the anger and the violence it doesnt have affect on. She now takes them regularly but before it was rate (especially when she was living at her dad's)
Aparantly, she has used up all facilities and until she is an adult the doctors will not put inpatient treatment.
|
|
|
|
Cath,
I agree with Laurie. You have done what you can do. Of course we'll always second guess ourselves. If we didn't, we wouldn't be good parents.
When she left at 16, where did she go? Can she go back to that place to live with a friend and their parents or neighbor who doesn't have kids? Maybe she'd be more respectful of someone else's rules and family simply b/c she's not in the same situation and maybe she won't feel any competition from her sibling or either of her parents.
|
|
|
|
My heart breaks for you Catherine. To have a child that you love so much but can't help is devastating - I know, I have a story very similar to yours.
I have 5 girls ages 26, 21, 16, 11 and 8. When my 21 year old turned 12 something happened - she changed into a very mad and angry child. All her life she was sweet and quiet and everyone thought she was just the perfect child. She was just a little beauty. Her older sister was very involved in various activities, always on the honor roll, always tops at school, everyone in our small little community knew her and loved her. Another perfect child.
I will call my 21 year old "D" so not to confuse you! As I mentioned, when D turned 12 all hell broke loose. It was like a different child moved into our home. She was defiant, rude, fighting us about every rule. We thought drugs might be the problem, took her to the docs, but drugs was not the case. The doc said similar to what you were told, something is wrong but we must deal with it. As D got older things got worse. She became violent, pushing her younger sisters around, hitting, throwing things, telling my hubby and I she would call Social Services and tell them we were abusive, swear at us. We also found out she was telling lies about herself - telling people she was a model, singer, etc. She didn't have many friends. She was a brilliant student but if a teacher gave her a suggestion or made a comment she stopped working. Her grades plummeted. We tried so hard to help her but nothing was ever good enough. So many times we wanted to send her away. It affected the younger kids terribly. In some ways I wished we had sent her away so the younger kids could have had peace and not be exposed to such abuse. To be very honest the only reason we didn't is because we were scared what other people would think. That's hard for me to say but it is the truth. When D was 18 we changed doctors. We mentioned our concerns to this new, young doc who checked her hormone levels. Guess what? They were totally out of whack. She was put on meds that have helped her immensely. I have asked her many times about her hatred of myself and my hubby. She tells us now that we were just her sounding board. She hated herself. She thought her big sister was perfect and that she could not ever be as good as her. Even though her grades were super and she was a talented artist, poet and musician she could not see that in herself. She struggles now to even believe she is worthy. She is now finding her direction in life and understanding that she is a great person with so much to offer. She is also very remorseful for everything she has put us through.She has a close group of friends now. I will tell you this, I have huge guilt in me that I did not do something earlier. My pride got in the way and I wasn't thinking of D. D moved out at 19 and our home is now what it should be. I will never have her move back. We have a strained relationship but we are working hard at it. The stress that everyone in our family endured was far too much. My hubby had a heart attack and I ended up with depression. Please don't feel guilty. You are truly doing everything you can for your entire family. You are doing things from your heart, not from what other people think. I wish, many years ago, that I had had your good sense.Your child will come around and I know that your family will be there for her with open arms. Please keep me posted on what is happening. 
|
|
|
|
I guess I am a little confused. When she gets out of control like that, isn't she placed inpatient until she is properly medicated? I know that the criteria for inpatient treatment is the potential to harm yourself or others.
Are you saying that her medications do not work? Or she refuses to take them?
|
|
CATHARINE3
6/30/06 10:30 A
|
|
|
|
My daughter is 16.5. She has been seeing a phychatrist for 4 years. She was diagnosed with a phychosis with no determination. Before that she was in councelling, seen behavioural phychatrist, and was involved extensively with the children's aid society.
She left at 16 because she wanted her own way. She is extremely abusive, violent and has many behavioural problems. She was staying in a program but has now been kicked out. I was called yesterday to come and pick her up because I have parental custody. The problem is I dont want her back in the house. I have son to think about too, who she used as a punching bag. And since she left he has florished. The violence got so bad the police were called many times.
The police will not charge her, the doctor's wont do anything and I am unable to cope much longer, I believe I have done everything I can.
So when this call came I got terrified and stressed out but I went to go get her, she saw me and said "you will be sorry" I could not do it, I could not bring her home. So I put her in a teen shelter which their goal is to help them find their own homes.
I love her with all my heart, but I cant put everyone back on "egg shells", I will loose my job which I really cant afford to do, and my son will start to fail again. I am so stress out and so guilt ridden over this decision I am hoping someone has some advice or maybe someone has been there and can give me some suggestions?
|
|
