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| BTW, I am glad to read all the posts!
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LADYMAC1215
5/22/06 10:29 P
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Wow. Exactly why I joined up. My husband is always telling me he loves me no matter what and he doesn't understand and doesn't like when I'm so down on myself. It used to drive me to tears and I started internalizing everything, which made how I feel about myself even worse. Even led to what might be binge eating (mcdonalds 2x or 3x a week?) Finally I borke down in front of him and told him while I appreciate that he wants to be blind to what I see every day, I'M not happy with how I look. I haven't willingly worn a bathing suit in 2 years, and our family reunions take place around a pool. (The 'I forgot my bathing suit' excuse got a little hard to believe last year)
I've only been doing this for a few days, and even though I haven't seen any results yet (dear god please let it be soon!!!) I already feel a bit better just by taking this step. My husband still says he loves me no matter what, but hopefully I'll be able to love myself soon, too.
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The other morning I took a deep breath, sucked it up and had another look in the mirror. I checked myself out from several angles and I did kind of suck in my stomache and I actually found it tolerable and felt like my butt looked pretty good. I have been so motivated by all the fabulous posts, that I finally went for a walk today and feel myself on the road to committing to an exercise plan, which, so far, the lack of has been keeping from successfully attaining that fully healthy lifestyle I deserve. I have also come up with several fun, new goals that I know will be easy to do and should pay off big. Also, I have to apologize for making my husband sound like a louse because he is not, he is very supportive and I know he really loves me, in fact he is oblivious to my nearly twenty pound weight gain since we have been together, so I guess there is something to that love is blind thing in more ways than one. Thanks you guys, I am sure I will continue to need all your wonderful support and I was glad to read the one post where I had apparently provided some inspiration! We all help each other. 
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NYXWOLFWALKER
5/22/06 4:15 P
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Your hubby married you, not your weight thus he loves you for who you are not your weight deal, I am sure he is there for you if you ask him to be.
I like how my body looks naked it looks a hell of a lot better then it does in most types of clothing - then gain some types of clothing just make me look down right sexy and thinner
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JILLIANWOLF
5/21/06 10:06 P
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| I wanted to share something POSITIVE with you. When I started spark on May 1st, I did the same thing as you, with the same reaction. Today, partially in response to your post, I did it again. This time, I looked at myself from all angles and thought, "Wow, I'm making progress!" It pulled me out of a hole because I really wasn't eating as nutritionally well as I could have last week. Thanks! :)
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GRECIAN_BEAUTY
5/21/06 6:24 P
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The good thing is that someone hasn't taken hostage of your brain and your ability to control your actions. You aren't a prisoner to food or to lack of willpower.
You can SO change it and make yourself happy.
yet, make sure you recognize where you look good, because even though we're overweight, we have assets too!! 
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| Aahh, You guys are the best. Honestly, I think I would have given up by now and it has only been one week. The scale has not budged and I have not seen any differences, but you guys are so motivational that I have managed to find the strength to keep going. Thanks!
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JILLIANWOLF
5/20/06 2:40 P
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| Everything said so far has been right on. We're here for you and the main thing to remember is that outside flaws are entirely fixable. It sounds like you have a great heart!
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CAROLINE1971
5/20/06 2:10 P
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Romero, if i look at myself naked in the mirror its not a pretty sight! Yet im obly 2 pounds over the recommended wight for my height! Its madenesss! Keep it in perspective yeh 
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MRSSUZSTAR
5/20/06 1:51 P
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| CJ! I have been right where you are, just in the last few months! It does work, really it does. I just looked at myself naked in the mirror yesterday and realized I am starting to look much better. Am I at my goal yet of looking good naked? HECK NO! Am I at the point where I can look at myself and smile at what I have accomplished? HECK YES! Just remember it isn't going to happen over night and remember that YOU CAN DO IT! That is what these boards are for! motivation from those who are doing it too! It is a hard road but we can all make it, especially with the help and support of the people here! *huggies* All will be well!
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| Thanks for the hug and encouraging words of support. I am usually very positive, but I usually have very little support to be healthy other than myself and the big shocker of my weight gain last week has not helped. However, the support of this community has helped. I definitely don't want to look like a super model, even if I wanted to, I can't since I am only 5' 1", I just want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not cringe. I also don't want to sound like I am all about body image, because I am not. I just want to feel good about myself on every level and this is a level that is not going so well right now. I am going to keep working on changing that and with the help of Sparkpeople, I really feel like I can.
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Hey CJ, big hug coming your way. We all have moments like that. Try to stay positive and keep up the pep talks. Stop hating you body and start celebrating it instead. It is merely a shell that houses who you really are. Nurture it, care for it, think about all the wonderful things that it does for you on a regular basis - you don't need to have a super models body, but you do need a healthy one. Focus on that and quit scrutinizing every flaw. No ones perfect, just airbrushed!
Sue
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| No, you were not to forward, you said exactly what I needed to hear. I am still crying as I type a response to this. I am getting exactly the kind of love and support I need to do this. I have spent so much time pep talking myself on one hand and yet sabotaging my goals on the other. This is what I need, this is cathartic. Thank you.
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BUFFEDSTUFF
5/19/06 12:28 A
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Hey, its okay, really you know why? because you can lose the weight, yep you can come on I want you to love you yes , all of you. come on you are so much more than fat, I am sure you are loving kind and caring. So get to work on changing your body to house that caring personality of yours. That's what sparkspeople is all about, you can do this, now give yourself a hug ( no more negative talk about your body) and start working toward your goals come on focus on all the blessing you have and start working on losing the weight. I wish you well and I hope I wasn't to forward I can blabber on at times. wishing you the best 
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| Wow, It was not a pretty sight and frankly not very motivational. It just made me want to hide, from myself and from everybody. Where did this weight come form, where did that new roll of fat come from, how can my husband stand me, went through my mind all day today. It used to be so easy to lose those couple pounds right away and now they appear and they stay. I don't want to be like this. Ugh. I am usually so positive, but my weight has been so challenging over the last couple of years, it just keeps getting harder and harder. I am sorry if I bring anyone down with my negativity, I just need to get this out of my system.
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