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FIREFLY1226
6/7/06 4:33 P
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| I am the mother of 3 girls - 12, 8 and 7. My 12 year old is very overweight. She has always been a little over weight but in the last couple of years it has really gotten out of hand. I have been so conflicted about what to do that for years I have done nothing. I don't want her to feel bad about herself like I did as a child but I can't pretend the problem does not exist. I take responsibility for bringing the bad food into the house and setting a bad example. This week is the start of summer and I have committed to making healthy changes for my family and myself. I often use the excuse that it is too hard or too much trouble /work but when I think of doing it for my children it is not too much work. I recently heard that this generation of childrens life expectency is shorten than their parents because of bad diet....that is not acceptable!! I might not do everything perfectly but I am going to do something.
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
6/1/06 2:43 P
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This is a GREAT thread.. I ahvre a amost 13 year old stepson who is extremely overweight and we have tried and tried to get him to eat less and get off the couch.. he is getting better at it.
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| I too am dealing with a slightly overweight teen. Since I have joined spark people and have been setting an example of eating healthier foods, she seems to be noticing. Just yesterday she told me she was glad that I was not bringing the fatty snacks in the house anymore. She wants to stop eating the chicken biscuit for breakfast at school and have a whole wheat english muffin with lean ham and fat free cheese. She says she will be glad when school is out for the summer so that she won't have to eat such a fattening lunch. We sit down together and go to different recipe sites and pick out recipes we think sound good and substitute healthy ingredients for the not so healthy ones. We pick out a weeks worth or menus and we go to the grocery store together and purchase the products. The thing she likes most is that I let her cook the supper. She has really enjoyed this. I have also let her join a competitive cheerleading squad and she is getting great exercise. She will even take a walk with me in the evenings now. I am really enjoying the time we are spending together.
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FOXIEROXIE
5/13/06 6:14 P
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Andrea,
A short insight from someone who was also a child of a yo-yo dieter (like Monica except overweight) -- My parents did much the same as it sounds like you are doing, offering suggestions just here and there. I have to tell you that no matter how infrequent or how well-meant the comments were, they always hurt. (This is just my personal experience.) They never motivated me in the least. The one time I did lose weight was on a fad (protein) diet that I'd seen my mom have success with.
Looking back, I can see that losing weight/getting healthy is a choice you have to make for yourself. Nothing anyone said could have helped me. Setting an example as you are doing is the best and most influential thing you can do! And because she's still young, she has time to come to that conclusion on her own. Hopefully it will be sooner rather than later! Hope this helps!
Roxanne
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Andrea,
I think it is wonderful that so many parents are concerned about this ever increasing issue of weight with our children. I too have struggled my whole life with weight, I've watched my mom diet or just not eat. Occasionally I go thru periods where I do the same, right now I am only eating one meal a day. I did this all thru college. I know it is not the right way to lose and I must work on that but for now it is what's working. I commend you for wanting to improve both your healt and your daughters. I agree one of the better ways to approach her is to discuss health issues and the conditions associated with over eating and the ill effects of fast food. I can not relate simply because my daughters are only 2 years and the other 9 months but I know there will be obstacles I must face. My sister in law is obese, recently found out that she is diabetic and just by cutting out the sugars from soda, candy, and cutting back on the junk food she has lost aprox. 50 lbs. I know it has not come off from exercise as she tends to sit home. I know our schools should focus more on health and not convenience like they do. There was a show on tv about McDonald's food and the junk served at school it went on to show a man who ate nothing but mcdonalds for a month straight he gained about 30 pounds consumed 30lbs of sugar and aprox. 20 pounds of fat from the food. GROSS. He had close supervision from doctors and was monitored regularly liver enzyme count was so bad and his overall feeling was tired, occasionally sickly. This is just so overwhelming to know the ill effects of certain types of food. I understand it is difficult to monitor her food as she can get it and prepare it herself but maybe if discussing health issues doesn't work maybe try having a few healthy foods on hand and maybe creating new ideas together like fruit kabobs or veggie soft tacos. You can make the fruit kabobs the night before and add some yogurt dip for them. Something that she can help you make and feel proud of doing and it's super yummy.
I wish you luck
Renee
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ANDREAHODNE
5/10/06 12:21 P
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Nicole-
Wow !!! I am flattered that you took the time to respond to me. Thank you so much. This is my first time to use the message boards and I have had a great time. Everyone has been wonderful and I feel like I am a wealth of knowledge for doing this.
You are so right about the schools not offering healthy choices. Lunch time has been very problematic. I have been taking time to share with my daughter some of the impactful things that I have learned. Using the nutrition module and recording everything that goes into my mouth has BLOWN me away. I am flabbergasted to say the least. What a wonderful tool it is.
Thank you again for all of the advice. I will put it all to good use.
Take care,
Andrea
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COACH_NICOLE
5/10/06 10:56 A
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Here are some thoughts-
Instead of focusing on weight, focus on health. Most people (including your kids and teens) are really lacking basic health and nutrition education- we just don't get it in schools, and when we do, our schools don't offer or encourage healthy choices either, so it's kinda a mixed message.
Rather than telling your teen that you think you should both exercise or eat ___, teach her what YOU have learned. Say "the more I've been reading about ___, I realize that we are not making good choices for our health- we could get heart disease, diabetes, cancer, etc." This sort of message may work better than a message about eating less and exercising simply to lose weight.
However, the hard part here is that teens tend to have an invincibility complex. They think all those things can't happen to them, or they don't care b/c they're young and that's in the future. Maybe taking her to an annual physical will help- if her doctor discusses the importance of making healthy choices now and the risks she faces both now and in the future, she may re-think her choices.
As a teen it's not too late to change. Although I was never overweight (I played sports year-round for years) as a teen, I ate like crap! Fast food, junk food, sugar- not fruits and veggies. I've changed my own habits after I learned more about health, just as you and many of our members are changing too.
You might want to subscribe to our daily email "Family Health & Wellness" which can be found in your email preferences. It addresses issues like maintaining a healhy home & kitchen, overweight kids, etc.- you might get additional ideas there.
Also, talk to your daughter's dad and try to get him on board- maybe, like most people, he just doesn't realize how serious of an impact he's making on himself and his daughter when it comes to health.
Hope that helps,
Nicole
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ANDREAHODNE
5/10/06 9:19 A
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Monica-
You made my day !!! So nice to hear from a child of a "yo-yo" dieter. Your insight gives me hope. That makes soooo much sense to have weight loss happen by something other than a diet. Even I cringe at the word. I am so hopeful for her senior year in High School to be a wonderful experience. I am a young mother so there is no reason why I can't get right in there with her and find something that moves our booties together. Thank you for your wise words and encouragement...you are wonderful.
Take care,
Andrea
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Hi Andrea
About five years ago I was exactly where your daughter is. I started getting "chubby" in about the third grade, and despite much coaching from my mother (who yo-yo dieted throughout my childhood without more than temporary success) I was on a bad path until my last year of high school. I'd have to say that the turning point for me was when I took a leap and signed myself up for the school rowing team - I'd never done more than a few days of canoeing (which I soon found out is nothing like rowing anyway). It was just a whim, a leap, completely random and unprepared-for... but I fell in love with it! Getting exercise into my life was suddenly no problem, and that was the starting point for my healthy lifestyle. (I didn't begin to lose weight for a few years after, but a fit fatty is healthier than a naturally skinny couch potato anyway!)
My recommendation to you is to provide as many opportunities for your daughter as possible, until she takes a leap and finds something healthy to fall in love with. Try out different exercises or activities with her (preferably places where she won't run into her friends, because yes, teenagers are like that and you'll have to wait at least another three years before she'll want to show you off to her friends). Maybe go hiking, or try paddling (canoeing / kayaking), or test out water aerobics or the local gym.
And for sure keep only healthy foods in the house. Sure she can go out for fast food, but if you're setting a good example and providing tasty, healthy food at home, she'll have to eat some of that too.
As soon as she's 18, get her on SparkPeople! It makes a huge difference to have a support team, particularly people who she is relatively anonymous with who she can be fully open with and will understand and support her. You can even give her my email if you like, if she's interested in some tips from somebody who's not her mother. (Sometimes it helps!)
Best wishes and good luck to both you and your daughter!
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ANDREAHODNE
5/9/06 2:51 P
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Really sweet of you to take a moment and respond. Thank you. I like the idea of the small goals...5 lbs for a manicure, etc. I think maybe I could have some success with that. I have tried the "together" part...she's not very motivated. Not so cool to hang out with mom and exercise. I am divorced and so the food regulation at her fathers has been lacking...he's not much of a cook, so ready made meals or going out is the answer for him. Not his fault but probably not the best for our problem. I know in my heart that she will have to find the motivation herself. Her jeans are plenty tight...that SHOULD be a good start. I just don't want her searching for an easy fix. I have wasted too many Monday's on "fad" diets. Maybe you know the routine...celebrate with all of your favorite foods on Sunday...new diet on Monday. Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions...I really appreciate them.
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My pre-teen 12 is 'growing' in the wrong direction as well. She complains that she is "fat" but then chooses to eat junk her friends give her - or sneak food after dinner or skip breakfast etc...
I have taken to not buying any junk at all - there is none in the house at all, and when I see her over eating on ritz or icecream the only two real cheat items in our house - or going for a bagel with cream cheese after she has just eaten a meal, - I jsut try to remind her - you can eat that, but remember how much you complained about your pants not fitting or how you dont think xxx looks good? You might want to re-think your choice. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. At least she can't drive yet. Have you asked your daughtere if she wants tog et fit with you? Maybe if she does you coudl set little goals together and then treat her and yourself to a manicure or pedicure or something when you meet your mini weightloss/fitness related goals. So like the first 5lbs a manicure... etc... just some thoughts!
Good luck.
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ANDREAHODNE
5/9/06 12:54 P
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Thank you so much for your words of encouragement...made my day. I am sure that you are right...leading by example will pay off. Thank you again for taking a moment to respond to me.
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PERMANENTCHANGE
5/9/06 12:41 P
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| The best thing you can do is to live by example. You are here at Sparkpeople and following a food plan and exercising. She will see the changes in you and that will inspire her. We all know that nagging (not saying you do that) doesn't work with any addiction. I think you should be commended for being here yourself and caring about your child. All the best to you both!
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ANDREAHODNE
5/8/06 10:51 A
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I don't know how to properly help my teen lose weight. After many years of bad examples and my own terrible relationship with food I fear that I may be too late. I promised myself that I would not react to her weight as my parents did with me...but I am finding it harder and harder to sit back and let her grow. I wanted to give her the ability to be in control of her own body but It's just not working...she continues to steadily gain weight. She is almost 17 and much of her social life revolves around fast food. I can not control much of her food intake...as she is able to drive and get it herself. I have tried the positive approach by letting her know how smart and beautiful she is and that I only want things to be ideal for her. It's not working...please help me.
I know we are not alone and would gladly receive any suggestions from parents with success tips.
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