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| well he has just gone to his friends place and he will be home at 9:30. I suggested that we should come to a compromise and I to go to his friends place every second Wednesday. And his answer was what am I going to do if I don't go. We live in a Compound so there are things he can do.
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LOSINGINHIM
3/29/06 6:51 A
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| So your Wednesdays are like our Fridays? At any rate, I hope things work out for the best. Give yourself another year or 2 of battle time as he's going through that hormone rage that makes every normal, intelligent boy turn into a defiant, apathetic stranger. In my experience, they start becoming "normal" again about 16.
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| On the other days they have school and we don't want him to go out on school nights. He used to go out on school night once in awhile when they had to do a project for school.
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LOSINGINHIM
3/28/06 5:23 P
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| Just a thought--is his friend busy all the other days of the week? Is there a reason they can't be together for a couple of hours more often instead of cramming it all into one day? This may make everyone get along a little better.
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| If he tells me tomorrow that he is going to his friends place, I am going to tell him you are not going and you are allowed to go every second Wednseday. It is to much that he is going out every Wednesday and coming home at 9:30. Currently we are living Saudi Arabia. He used to show me that he did his homework and I had to sign it. But now he doesn't show me. He comes home from at 2:55 and then he goes to sleep this is on other days. And on Wednesday's he comes home and get's changed and goes out.
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LOSINGINHIM
3/27/06 10:27 P
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| I'm glad you're not giving up the fight on this one. I know it's tough on kids to have people on their case, but part of the problem with most of them today is that they're "allowed" to do whatever they want. It may be different where you are, but I'd say if his performance in school is not good that he needs to have some interference until it is! Not to say that he shouldn't have any fun, but he should be doing some work too. Don't believe him if he's always saying he doesn't have homework! Have him do an assignment sheet initialed by teachers if you have to, but I've heard that one too many times! Again, good luck!
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| I don't think that he should be coming home at 9:30pm. It is too late for him. We have got him to start going to bed at 9:30pm. He used to go to bed at 10pm. We have a set time for us to go to bed.
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| I reall don't understand the problem in his going to his friends house once a week and being home at a reasonable time. As far as the homework, ask him when he plans on getting it done. If he says before he goes,or when he gets back or in the morning. then as long as he got it done then I would let him go the next week.
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| I am sometimes at my wits end with him and I am getting fed up with the way he is behaving.
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| Thank you for wishing me good luck. I will definitly need it. Life in Saudi Arabia is great. I am going to do something different with our son. I am going to explain to him that he can't get between his father and I.
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SUZANNEJOZEF
3/27/06 9:46 A
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Wow, Being in Saudi, brings on a whole new aspect of what he is probably going through!! I don't know what else to say, but I wish you the best of luck.
Suzanne
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| I have a 15 yr old son. I, too, try to pick my battles. Daddy leans to the "non-involvement" side, so mostly, I am the discission maker. I would allow him to go to his friend's house, but insist that he come home at a reasonable hour, say 7:30 - 8:00. Get the other parents involved. Tell them to insist he goes home by then. School is important, but it is hard for them to see that at this stage of their lives. All they know is it is one more person telling them what to do. He is in a volitile stage between a boy and a man. It is a shame his daddy won't back you on this. If there is any underlying conflict between you and him, the boy knows it and might be trying to escape it or ignite it more. Good luck.
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| We have talked to the other parents. If I say no he can't go to his friends place he get's very angry. Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I have a friend in this Compound where we live and she has a son 15yrs old and in year 10. She has the same problem. Our son and her son get together for a couple of hours and walk around in the Compound. We are currently living in Saudi Arabia.
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| I am not going to give up on this one. our son has been in trouble at school and as for his studies, in term 1 his report card showed that in a couple of subjects he is not doing really good. When he come's home from school he doesn't do his homework. I am so thankful that a teacher has answered my post.
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LOSINGINHIM
3/26/06 11:24 P
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| As a teacher of 14-year-olds, I commend you on your involvement and desire to still parent your son! So many of my parents don't know what their kids are up to...and believe me, they're up to a LOT. I strongly urge you to not give up on this one. kids need, and want, parental involvement and boundaries even if they don't act like it at the time. How is your son as a student? If his grades aren't where they should be or his behavior in class isn't what it needs to be, he shouldn't be given the chance to play unless those things improve. I'm speaking as a teacher rather than a parent as my own children are still young. You are his parent, and you have the right and responsibility to say NO if you think it's not a good thing for your son! Good luck--this age can be tough.
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SUZANNEJOZEF
3/26/06 1:18 P
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Just had another thought,
How's your relationship with the other kids parents? Could you maybe talk to them and explain the situation to them, ask for their help in the matter, maybe set it up that the boys only get together ever other Wednesday or on the weekends instead??
Suzanne
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SUZANNEJOZEF
3/26/06 1:11 P
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I can understand that, but to tell the truth if this is the only major problem you have with him (and I'm sure it's not) you may just have to pick the battles, this is one you might have to give in on.
Flip the coin on your husband, Is there something he does tell you son no on? If so turn around and tell him yes, let him see how it is.
Good luck, I know I'd be going off on hubby. Your son knows how to play the game, can't blame him for knowing how to get what he wants.
Suzanne
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| my husband and i do sit down and discuss it but ends up fighting with each other. i am very strict and his father is to soft with him. his friends parents are at home. he plays basketball or soccer for 3 hours and then goes and plays ps2 games. he says that they don't have their dinner until 9pm. to tell you the truth i am getting sick of it.
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SUZANNEJOZEF
3/26/06 9:28 A
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Gosh, I don't know what to say especially if your hubby and you don't agree on it. I guess I'd first sit down with hubby and have a long discussion with you both putting your view on the subject out there and try comming to a comprise that you both can deal with then let son in on it.
I'd also call this friends parents to see if they are home on this particular day, maybe they aren't home and have no idea that there are friends over. If they are find out what is so important that he has to be there every Wednesday night. Heck go over there with him one day and find out what is so great about being there.
Yes, I'm a controlling mom can you tell Thankfully I'm divorced so it's my way :)
Good luck
Suzanne
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| hi, i am having a problem with raising a 14yr old boy. he tell's me he is going out to a friends place and he will be back at 9:30pm. I explain to him that he can't go out. But he phone's his father and he says yes. he is going to his friends place every Wednesday after he comes home from school and changes his clothes. My husband and I fight all the time because of this.
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