ALAMOGAL1963
8/14/06 2:48 P
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Someone sent this to me from our online city paper. Very cute.
Claudia Zapata: Golf is easy to love, hate
Web Posted: 08/13/2006 07:04 PM CDT
San Antonio Express-News
I've had a few putts for par, come oh-so-tragically close and missed. Several months after taking up golf, my game consists of a few decent shots in a sea of dreadfulness.
I'm still in basic training, learning about approaches, swinging, and — ugh! — putting. From what I'm told, I'll be learning for as long as I play, but that isn't to say I haven't figured out a few things already. Here's a quick round of nine lessons I've picked up about the game of golf — so far:
1. I love golf. I can't wait to play again. Golf courses are some of the most beautiful places on earth, and whether you play in town or on the road, it always feels like an escape.
The game itself can be fun, especially with friends and when you play well, and most especially when you play well in front of friends. It's exhilarating to hit a great shot or — from what I'm told — to put together a nice round.
2. I hate golf. I'm never playing again. Trying to get that little white ball in a little hole hundreds of yards away borders on the absurd. It's aggravating and infuriating. Humbling and humiliating. And hands-down the most frustrating game I've ever attempted.
3. Golf is a sport, not a workout. It helps to be in shape — strength and flexibility can only make you better. And yes, many of today's top golfers are fit. But if a high level of fitness were required, one of its pros wouldn't go by the nickname Lumpy. And a large percentage of players wouldn't be in need of a male bra, otherwise known to "Seinfeld" fans as a "mansierre." Hello, Phil?
Seemingly safe, golf can be detrimental to your health. A person might walk off the course after "playing" for five hours having gained weight. Cheetos, beer and tobacco aren't exactly the stuff of champions. There's also the stress factor. While a sport such as running always makes you feel better, golf can leave you stressed and angry.
4. Everyone has advice: Turn your back to the target. Face the target. Shake hands with the target. Use your hands. Use your hips. Tilt your hips. Thumbs up. Shoulder to chin. Eyes on the ball. And my favorite, Just hit the back of the ball!
The golf section at the bookstore is just as confusing. I walked out with "Be the Ball" (Andrews McNeel, $14.95) and "Learn to Play Golf in a Weekend" (Hamlyn, $14.95), which would be more appropriately located with works of fiction.
5. Mulligans are a good thing. I recently played in my first scramble, and although I contributed only a few shots, thanks to my team and a few mulligans (agreed-to do-overs), we actually won. The prize was bragging rights and a rescue club. I have no idea what that is, but it sounds like something I need.
6. There are manners in golf. walking on the green, I made a couple of etiquette transgressions during that scramble when I stepped on my teammates "lines," the space between their ball and the cup. It's sort of like maneuvering through a minefield, but stepping on someone's line might cause an indentation in the grass and alter a putt. And that's just rude.
7. There's no crying in golf. But you'll want to. And swearing like a sailor becomes practically involuntary.
Despite the growing number of female golfers, I'm convinced golf remains a male-dominated sport. My husband's friends were dismayed when they found out he had urged me into taking a swing at it. "But it's our last refuge," one cried. If the majority of golfers were women, we'd play at Augusta, crying would be allowed and you might see the occasional cart-boy.
8. It's fickle. Every little nuance affects ball flight. From equipment to stance and swing to Mother Nature, there's no end to the factors that come into play in golf, and to "just hit the back of the ball" isn't easy.
9. Golf is a sport you can play forever. Thank goodness. It'll take me at least that long to figure it out.
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