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WENDIASHTON
3/8/06 2:01 P
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Looks around. There are dresses you can get in the same color but different styles. My mother & bridesmaids & maid of honor & his mother are all going to be in the same color so they are ordering their style of it. My MOH & mother are mormon & have modesty issues, so they are getting sleeves. My friend bridesmaid is not mormon so she will probably get straps or strapless.
I also have the issue of having all different body sizes. My MOH is 25, has had 2 kids so not totally thin. My little sister is a bridesmaid but she's only 11, and my friend is 17 and a little heavier. so they are picking their own styles. Also, it is a two piece set, which they all love because they can wear it more than once. It's all the same skirt, but their choice of top. Lost of places offer these.
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| Couldn't agree more! You can only please so many people until it affects you... and this is a once in a lifetime moment.
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A007BONDGIRL
3/8/06 5:30 A
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| I ended up picking the dress for the girls, I picked an A-line strapless dress because it flatters just about every body type. Your mom is right, this is your wedding, enjoy it!
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| sorry about posting twice
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| I know exactly how you feel. I wanted to do the exact same thing, but one of my bm wanted a totally different dress from the other 3. I got frustrated and I am already stressed out about everything else, so what I did was just pick one out myself. Now all we have to do is get them fitted and order them.
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| my maid of honor was my god mother! My real mother passed when i was 15 and she took me in and i thought no one would be better. I think the trouble was that she had been married 3 times and never had her dream wedding. So why not sabatoge mine? I know, nothing excuses what she did but i didnt know how to deal with it so i just set back and took it. We still talk but that put a huge bind on our relationship. I dont look at her the same because when it comes to some thing important to me i dont trust her!
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HILLARYMVRE
2/24/06 2:09 P
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| PROUDMAMA: I am so sorry to hear about all the crap your maid of honor put you through! What a b*tch! I'm just curious what made you decide that she would be your maid of honor in the first place? I'm so happy that I don't have that problem. My MOH is the greatest friend in the whole world, but I think if a lot of these girls ask themselves why they are deciding on this girl being their MOH, a lot of drama could be avoided.
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| I got married in August 2001, my maid of honor was a night mare. She really ruined that part of my wedding. The dress was fine, really how could she complain I was paying for it. How ever the hair situation was a night mare because she didnt like the ideas due to it would mess up her HAIR. She was too busy to come to the bridal shows i went to and Then she didnt come to the bachelorette party much less throw it and the other brides maids felt so bad for me and was so upset with her they didnt invite her to the bridal shower until last minute and even though she wasnt busy she didnt show up to that either. On top of all that, less than a week before my wedding i had no idea if she was even going to be in my wedding because of all the drama. You know what the sad thing is. All the drama started because i didnt take her to pick out my dress and some of the other girls went with me. Even though i had called her and told her that was what we were doing that day and that she could meet me there. I hope your wedding's go well but if you have any doubts just cut them out! I regret letting her be in my wedding. Although we still have a relationship today i will always remember the drama she caused and i let her get away with. On my wedding day she was fine but i didnt feel like she was sincere and those times will never happen again. I married a great man and he's the one to the end so it's not like i'll have any do overs!!!
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| I agree with your mom.... It's your wedding, you have the right to have it your way... If you want all of them with the same dress, she has to deal with it. My friend just got married in November, and her sister was doing exactly what your friend is... it's ll about her and not enough about the bride. The bride originally wanted all the bridesmaids to have whatever dress they wanted as long as the color is the same... the sister ended up having all of the dresses the same... with skinny gem straps, which popped 1/2 way into the wedding. So, go with your gut and don't let anyone ruin this day for you... if need be tell her she's over ruling and it's not her day... if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to be the bridesmaid... I know it's harsh, but sometimes you gotta do what makes you happy.
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| I first told my two bridesmaids they would be wearing a lime-green taffita dress with poof-sleeves and a big peach hat with red feathers. (just to see the looks on their faces) As one of my girls is 6'3 and about 200 lbs, and the other is 5'5 and about 350 lbs, we're ordering seperates (check out alfredangelo.com) This way each girl can sort of get a say in what style they want, as I don't mind if each dress is a little different. And as both of my girls are procrastinators, I've actually taken action and showed up at their house and asked them to try on the dress so I can see it. Or physically pick them up and take them to the fitter and offer to treat them to lunch on the way back. And I suggest if you're having a lot of trouble with a bridesmaid, you have every right to ask them not to be in the wedding. Remember, it's the big day you're really going to need their help on, and if you don't have their help now, it might burn you later.
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ACSEVIER....
"My friend is the Debbie Downer too. She wants everything to be about her and seems to forget it's my wedding not hers. I finally just ignored her comments and remarks. I have given her deadlines and the first time one passes, I will ask her if she wants to be in the wedding or not. I've decided that I don't have the time to stress over her antics, I how too many other things to stress about. "
I think this is the approach I'm gonna take too- I have too many other things and I don't wanna upset myself. She's a self centered person and also just had a baby and feels "fat" so she won't like ANY dress anyways- (she's only MAYBE 10 lbs heavier than pre-preg.) We're going Saturday to order cause my wedding is in 6 months! She thinks we've got ALL the time in the world, and that's not how it goes!
AAARRRRGGGHHH! Good to know I'm not alone in this problem! At least my Maid of H rocks the house, and we're more alike anyways, so she'll do a great job planning stuff!!! :)
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KELLINA: I had the same problem! I was getting so frustrated with one of my bridesmaid because she hadn't tried on the dress after I had asked her to do it 2 months prior. The other 4 girls had tried it on and like it. One lived 2 hours away from the closest boutique that carried the style and she got there. My sister even found time to try it on... she took her 2 year old and 6 month old to the store with her. It was annoying. Then when she finally did, she hated it and wanted me to change it.
My suggestion would be to give her a time limit. Tell her you need to worry about ordering the dress, so that you are asking everyone to try it on by a certain date.
As for the planning, see what the other part of your wedding party thinks. Are they okay doing all of it? Would they like her help? Also, think about whether her help would aid or hurt the planning that your other bridesmaids are doing.
My friend is the Debbie Downer too. She wants everything to be about her and seems to forget it's my wedding not hers. I finally just ignored her comments and remarks. I have given her deadlines and the first time one passes, I will ask her if she wants to be in the wedding or not. I've decided that I don't have the time to stress over her antics, I how too many other things to stress about.
Hope some the suggestions help!
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RACHIEBG: My suggestion, would be to talk to her. Don't tell her you can't do it but tell her you are't sure you can get the day off because of the new job. See how she takes it. If she is really upset about it, tell her you will see what you can do. If you can't get the day off, maybe you can call in sick. I know it would probably be an uncomfortable thing since you are just starting there, but I think most would understand.
Also, if it's a new job, usually they don't mind you walking into it stating something to the degree that I am out of town on "such and such date" because of a previous engagement.
Hopefully, that will give you some ideas to deal with it. Who knows, maybe she will understand and be disappointed that you are missing the wedding, but okay with it.
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UGH my matron of honor still hasn't tried the dress on I picked out- the other 2 have- including one who lives an hour away. I have a maid AND a matron of honor, and my maid is doing all the work- planning showers, bachelorette party, and my bridesmaid did up invitations, etc.
Basically she's the only one not making an effort and it's annoying. Do I say something or not worry about it? I mean she NEVER asks any specifics about the wedding or anything! She's kind of a "Debbie Downer" to begin with.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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| I have a problem as a bridesmaid. My best friend is getting married about three months after I am, and we are each other's maids of honor. As it turns out, her weddings is only a week after my little sisters bat-mitzvah, and only two weeks after I start a union job. officially, I won't even be able to get time off for my sister, but i am hoping that I will be able to beg my way into a day off. I don't think that I will be able to do it twice though. My question is, how do I tell her I can't do it? We haven't gotten dresses or anything yet, so hopefully it won't be too big of a problem.
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That's my problem too. We have been friends since the 7th grade too. I have truthfully had a hard time getting firm with my friend on the whole dress issue, but I know I have to. I just went to the store that we are getting the bridesmaid dress from and asked about when I need to order and everything. I am going to call her tomorrow and let her know that I need to know if she plans on being in the wedding because I have to order the dresses in the next 3 weeks. Then I will see what she says.
Just let you friend know that you need to know by a certain date because of the ordering issue. If she doesn't respond by then, call her and say do you want to be in the wedding or not because I really need to get this order in right away.
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BARBIEBABE713
2/13/06 12:39 P
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| I am having a problem getting one of my girls to get fitted. She promised to go last week, but I have not checked up on her yet. My fiance says that if she hasn't I should just tell her too bad... that she cannot be in the wedding anymore. I don't think I could do that though because we have been friends since 7th grade. We aren't as close anymore, but we are still friends. Now I just have to pick out some shoes for them and hope everyone will go get them!
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| I was supposed to get married last August, but my chief bridesmaid caused alot of trouble between me and my fiance because she couldn't afford to pay for her dress and she didn't want to tell me. She is no longer my bridesmaid and we are now getting married in September
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That is aggervating....Atleast your future SIL who is in the wedding didn't get into a HUGE fight with your future MIL and they whole family hates each other now! UGH! Can you tell I have been stressing? LOL
It will turn out ok. Tell her she needs to get fitted asap or you are going to order the dresses with her opinion. Sometimes you have to get firm with people. Goodluck! 
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| This is the one oportunity you have to dress your friends up in YOUR style not theirs, . . . pick what you like and go with it, sure get input but don't let this become a stress. I got married last March (hard to believe it has almost been a year) and I am in my sister's wedding this June, . . . having been on both sides of the coin it is hard to keep your mouth shut as a bm when you don't know what you will look like in a dress etc. I love what my sister picked out, but there were some dresses that were not my fav. But I kept telling myself this is her wedding, her chance, her day . . . the dress I picked out for them was beautiful, but fitted each of them horribly, and I picked it trying to keep a BM with a tattoo high on her back in mind, . . . sometimes trying to suite everyone ends up poorly. If you are firm with her and make it clear that she does not have veto power, . . . then she should go along. Tell her, all the girls love this dress and that one has already ordered it so it is too late and if she orders a size too small, then that is her fault not yours!
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2BMRSFOWLER
2/7/06 11:28 P
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Wow-- I am so lucky... my bridesmaids just kept saying, "It's your wedding-- pick what you want!"
I hope everything gets better for y'all!
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HILLARYMVRE
2/7/06 4:53 P
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I had a bridesmaid acting the same way. I let them all pick out the dress that they wanted but said it had to be short, black, fun and I had to like it (of course) She kept saying she was going to get a long one and asking everyone's opinion whether to get long or short. I did get a little snotty with her but we're so close that we're almost like sisters so that happens often between us.
I guess you just have to put your foot down. Don't let something as petty as a dress ruin your big day. Have you told her you think she looks great in it and that it's the dress you want? If she's someone you really want in your wedding, she'll understand.
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Maybe you should ask her if she really wants to be a part of the wedding. Maybe secretly she dosen't want to do it...just a thought.
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| I only have two girls... my sister is 5'2" and barely weighs 100 pounds (very petite) and my best friend is 5'9" and built more like a football player. I honestly didnt care what the girls wore as long as it was the same color. We ended up going with separates (celadon skirt with an ivory top).
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| I just let my bridesmaids pick their own dresses. That way they could pick something they would really wear again. Also, my three bridesmaids look very different. One is a 21 year old, the other is a thin 12 year old and the other one is a shortish roundish 11 year old. So I gave up trying to find something that would work for everyone.
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Thanks! I'm just a little concerned, so is my mom, because she is the kind of person who would decide not to be in the wedding the day before it. So it's just a little nerve wrecking.
In all honesty, if I hadn't known her half of my life, I would have never asked her because she is the kind of person who makes everything about her.
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MOONLIGHT12
2/5/06 1:17 P
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I agree with your mom.
Tell her that you had to go with the majority of the group and so you picked that dress anyway. If you reminde her that it will fit better with the correct size and alterations, hopefully that will help. If she gets upset... let her vent on her own time, I think she'll get over it. Don't get too worked up, I think this is a pretty common problem. :o)
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Anybody else wishing they hadn't asked one of their friends to be a bridesmaid? I know it sounds bad, but I am seriously wishing I didn't ask one of my friends. She was awesome in the beginning. She was my model for trying on bridesmaid dresses in the beginning because my sister was 8 months pregnant (she is my matron of honor) and my other bridesmaid lived out of town (one outside of Sacramento and one in South Carolina). She was awesome, didn't mind the 30 to 40 dresses she tried on. We found a couple we liked. Sent pictures to everyone else to see what they thought. Then it happened, everyone liked one particular dress, which wasn't the one that she wanted them to like. Things went up in the air after that, so we were back to the drawing board.
I am a pretty laid back person and my dream was to find a dress that all of them liked however if they didn't find one I was fine with them wearing separates. She found a dress online that she liked, and everyone else liked the look of it too. So I asked everyone to try it on in October. Two weeks later everyone had tried it on but her. My sister who has two kids made it to a fitting. My friend who had to drive into Sacramento tried it on. My friend in South Carolina who had to drive an hour to the closest bridal shop tried it on. And the girl I asked to be a bridesmaids at the end of September tried it on. They all loved it. I never heard from this one bridesmaid. In fact, I was writing her an email basically saying this was the dress when I got a phone call from her saying that she was going to try on the dress today... 2 months after I asked her to try it on. She called me later saying she hated it and send me a picture of her in it. The dress was tight but it looked great on her. So I asked her what size she tried on. She told me and I realized she tried on a dress a size to small.
I don't know what to do anymore. I really like this dress and four of the five other girls do. I was about to say this was it right before she called me. I still feel like saying that. Is that too unreasonable?
My mom keeps on telling me to remember that it is my wedding, but my whole thing is I want them to feel comfortable up in front of everyone too.
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