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Well you people have sure been busy since I was on here last night. Went to bed early, as usual, got up with my hubby and went swimming for 2 hours. Got rid of the stress.
Now lets see, Robin I hope you read this. I just asked my husband, the professional lifegurad LOL and areboics instructor what the scoop is on losing weight and swimming. Whoever told you that you can't lose weight swimming is wrong. It is just like any other exercise the only way you will lose weight is by eating right and cutting back on calories. You burn tons of calories and you get very toned up. I must say for a 57 year old I look better then most of the people I work with whom are way younger than I am. It is swimming that has helped me to maintain the majority of my weight loss.
Go back swimming if you want it's good for you and easier on the joints.
Now about the childless thing. I agree with Mari I wish I had known all of you years ago as I always needed somebody to talk to who understood about not having kids. I also wouldn't have gained so much weight and spend so much money foolishly. I had a tublar when I was 35 and it through me for a loop. I was taking fertility pills of some sort and that was the last chance I had. The next ten years of my life were a living h---. I have long gotten over it and have learned to make the best of what I have. I am truly blessed with a fantastic husband who is also my best friend. So from now on when people start yapping or upset you because they don't understand why you don't have kids we can all come to this board and vent. Look at all the people who do understand. And trust me there are many, many people out there who don't have kids for one reason or another. Many times I have heard people say if I knew what I knew today or if I had to do it over I would never have had kids. So yest there are some out there who are probably jealous of us in there own way.
Though fot the day: Remember the grass always looks greener on the other side.
Now I will also get off my soapbox and go enjoy my day off. Talk with all of you later.
Pam
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i just wanted to say that I am so thankful I found this thread.
This conversation on not having children has been so good for me. I wish we had met years ago!!
thanks again Robin for starting this.. When you get a chance to talk to another person thats childless and realize they feel the same as you - its well comforting in a weird way.. Do you feel that way too??
Pam......... Good girl for not giving into the M & M's.. I know that was hard but now you should reqard yourself with something special...
As for trackng points I can't keep up with them either..
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ROADTOFREEDOM
10/13/06 11:25 A
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Oh yeah...LOL
We are the lucky ones. And at this stage of my life I'm glad that I don't have kids and grandchildren to assume responsibility for. I have a 91 year old to watch out for..that's enough. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to have a 15 year old now.
Man, am I grateful for the way things are.
Talk about pets...too funny. We don't have any. I wonder what I could talk about. Maybe my pickup truck? LOL
Lyn
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ROADTOFREEDOM
10/13/06 11:21 A
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I just re-read my post...If it sounds like I'm feeling sad about not having kids..I'm not. The feelings are momentary and fleeting.
As a matter of fact..I'm 49 without children and fine with it"!! LOL
Mari, I just read your post. It takes me a long time to write, so you posted while I was writing mine. Oh..man..I forgot what you said..
Be right back...
Lyn
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ROADTOFREEDOM
10/13/06 11:15 A
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Hi all,
Grief. Tough topic. Robin, I agree that during peri-menopause I grieved again for my children. I thought that I had come to terms with it, but there it was again. As Cathi said, I grieved for the loss of all those things that would never be...and I still grieve for that. It's a solitary process...other people don't acknowledge the grief at all.
So I gained my peri-menopause weight, a nice little peri-belly. And I decided that I was going to give birth to myself. The trick is to figure out who that "self" really is. Also, I do believe that, if there is to be a *child* in my life, the universe will make sure we meet, when the time is right, of course. In the meantime, it's my job to prepare myself and quit wasting my time. Part of that role is to take care of my body, by treating it with the respect it deserves. Bodies truly are miracles. It doesn't matter what shape or size they come in. The fact that our hearts know how to pump and lungs breathe, all that...truly miraculous!
Now there it is...you have my thought for the day...the musings of a menopausal madwoman! LOL
Does anyone here think that other women are ever envious because we don't have kids?
Or, I'll really play devil's advocate and display my cyncial side...that it's all about power. We have no "mommy power" or no "grandma power", but we have other "powers" that other women may be a little envious of? When they are together in a group the mommies have to wield their "mommy" power with each other. "my little johnny...my little becky..etc. etc.
Yes, yes I truly am a little *mad*...now off to work on that bod of mine. LOL
Have a great day!
Lyn
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Laugh and quote for today.......
My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.
Dame Edna Everage (1934 - )
came back to add a few more...
Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances.
Jay Leno (1950 - )
It’s the friends you can call up at four a.m. that matter.
Marlene Dietrich (1901 - 1992)
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Good morning ladies,
I noticed that Sue has not been on here since Monday but her last post said and I quote:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Good morning everyone,
Sorry I haven't been around much. When I have projects due at work, they can be all consuming for a week or two.
I have no words of wisdom this morning. I am just reporting my weigh in. Isn't Monday weigh in day? I lost 2.5 pounds since last Monday, which is pretty good considering I cheated a lot last week. The good thing is that when I cheated, instead of eating more, I would go back on the wagon and try to eat healthy.
My goal is that the healthy habits will prevail.
Have a great day everyone,
Sue
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I went to her sparkpage and left her a message and looked around. That seems to be her last post so hopefully she may get some time this weekend to post.
Anywhoooo,
Robin - That woman was out of line!! Where does she get off telling you what and how you feel. That kind of crap pisses me off!! I have had my days same as all of you - I have had my moments.. My not having kids was not by nature or choice.. Long story and have gotten past the anger and resentment BUT now that I am where I am I really am glad I don't have children. Wishing I could have experienced some of the "Mom" stuff YES.......but the everyday resposiblilty of another human being NO. Selfish YES. But that has come with age. Now if anyone looks or feels sorry for me - I don't hold back either. I GLADLY let them know ITS MY BUSINESS and STAY OUT!! which I use to not do. I was timid and trying to be "respectful" of others feelings until one day I say Hey! you know what - they sure don't respect mine so whats wrong with this picture"?
I think all of us are entitled to have mixed feelings and I even think that in the future we will still have them only thing is.....WE NOW KNOW how to deal with them..
Lyn - not having kids does set us apart from those who do but aren't we really the lucky ones??
Cathi you are right about being taught to be kind of others but in this day and time those days are out the window and that is exactly why I AM glad I don't have children. Mine would resent me because I would want them to grow up with respect, morals, independence and all the right things that make them a good person..
Oh and while I am sitting on top of this soapbox when all else fails and you are truly anoid with a persons conversation about their kids - "Start talking about your animals" they get the hint real fast.. teee heeee....
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Good morning everyone,
I just came across this saying which I've heard for years and really like:
A journey of a thousand miles, begins with one step.
I'll catch you all later. Hope it's a good one!
Robin
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HERBLADI
10/12/06 10:35 P
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Lyn,
I have to admit that I was disappointed with her reaction to me and probably got a bit defensive. I did let her know that she was barking up the wrong tree because that wasn't what it was all about. After the vacation, I realized that I found them boring and that really I had little in common with them after all!
Was it Cathi before that said that maybe they think their kids are more interesting than they are?
Robin
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HERBLADI
10/12/06 10:30 P
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Cathi,
When I was much younger, I apprenticed as an herbalist. I remember that a teacher said that when we go through menopause, we grieve the children that we never had - WHETHER WE WANTED THEM OR NOT. Important distinction for me. I occasionally have thoughts similar to yourself - I think it's realizing all the limitations in my life now, due to my age, etc., and realizing that I will never have kids, will never be married to someone for 50 yrs, etc, etc. These and other things that will "never happen for me".
I agree also about people who look at you and feel sorry for you. I work with these two women that I eat with, and every day at lunch it's all about their husbands and their kids and their grandkids. It's non stop. And I see them give each other "the look". Oh, poor Robin, she's so sad, she'll never have our life . . .It gets me nuts! There's never any - I read a great book, or I'm really making progress in my . . . or anything self oriented, it's all about - can you believe what my grandson did yesterday. My daughter called and said . . . Grrr!
Okay, I really need to go to sleep now. Grrr!
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LILMSMUFFIN
10/12/06 9:58 P
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Pam, I'm so glad you are feeling better! 
So you do medical billing? I did that for four or five years when my guy had a private practice. We were in a tri-state area so I billed Medicaid, Medicare, private insurance, and self-pays for three states -- manually -- we weren't computerized. It was a real experience and with all the gov't regulations, it is convoluted and always changing. Hang in there.
Robin, good for you for standing up for yourself with your friend. I think as females we are taught to get along, be liked, don't make waves. We spend so much of our time trying to BE NICE and take care of everyone, that we don't always take the best care of ourselves. You should be proud of yourself for taking this step. I know I am proud of you.
Your post about the "childless greiving" got me kind of emotional. Is angry an emotion? Yes, I do believe it is. But I'm sad too because people just don't get it. And I am not one who didn't want children. I always though I'd have some but when he told me he wouldn't have children for medical reasons, I went along with it and stayed with him. Now it is too late for me. I went through early menopause when I was 40. It didn't bother me then but this year I started having all kinds of "this will never happen for me" thoughts -- one of them being children (another being becoming a famous actress) 
So yes, I've had times when I've felt sad about our not having had children. The thing is, whether I wanted children but didn't get around to having them, couldn't have them, or never wanted them in the first place, I'm NOT less a woman than the gal who had one or a dozen. I'm not deficient as a person or as a female. Someone recently told me that "being mothers is what we were made for," and she said it with a look of pity on her face. She is a mother of a boy and girl so her little girl best be a fertile Myrtle 'cause that's why she was born!
Lyn, you may be right that they talk so much about the children because they think their children are more interesting that they are.
When I was 37 a woman of 27 with four children asked me why I'd never had children. This is a woman who had no skills and was working part-time at a bakery to help with the family expenses. I was a "nice girl" and always answered these rude, personal questions as well as I could but this time I didn't. Instead I asked her, "Why did you have four children?" She was taken aback because she'd never thought about it. You know, it's just what you do. In fact, that's pretty much what she said - she'd never planned them, they couldn't afford them - but it's just what one does. And THEY feel sorry for ME!
Sorry, this has gone on too long. Forgive me for this outburst. 
Today's points: 2-for thoughts, 2-posting here, 4-exercise, 2-water, 2-tracking food = 12 so today ends with 12/47/98
nite nite ladies
Cathi
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ROADTOFREEDOM
10/12/06 9:55 P
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Pam..congrats on no M & Ms!
Mari- congrats on a good weigh in.
Robin - Your post is very thought provoking.
Me, most of the time I think that I'm fine with having no kids. When I was going through all that infertility garbage I went through a grief process, no doubt.
Even now, once in while, I feel sadness over the fact that there were no kids in my life.
But, all it takes is a trip to McDonalds or Wal*Mart where some frazzled mother is trying to manage the tantrum of her toddler, and I'm jerked back to reality in a flash. LOL
Not having kids does set me apart from other women and always has.
But I do know what you mean about listening to women who talk non-stop about their kids. What is that..are they living vicariously through their offspring, or what?
It would be nice to meet another childless woman (in real life, I mean) who had similar interests to mine. It's a good thing that I enjoy my own company, because I think I might be waiting a long time.
That woman's response sounded kind of preachy to me. Along the lines of "get over it and quit being jealous"...is that how you felt?
I hope you feel better now.
Cathi and Sue...you can do it!
Night all.
Lyn
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Pam,
I used to swim years ago. Then, I put on some weight. And someone told me that you can't lose any weight from swimming - that the body holds on to it to kind of insulate you in the water. Have you been losing weight by swimming?
Is what I was told a lie?
Robin
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Robin swimming seems to be my life anymore. It saves my sanity not to mention is keeps my blood sugars in check. Besides I have met a lot of nice people there and I made a good friend with one person in particular who by the way has no kids! Something that I find rare around here. I was so thrilled to meet her and the fact that we hit it off really helped. So I know what you mean about the talk about kids and that's why I am glad you started this thread. I needed this big time. Thanks
Pam
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Ladies,
I had a good day again today. Although I didn't exercise or even track! Hey, I'm just glad that I had a good day at work and the pathological girl who came back today didn't give me a hard time. Also, I colored my hair at 6:30 am, so no more roots.
I was able to tell my ex boss today that he really hurt my feelings by not calling me back and if he wants a friendship with me its a two way street. You guys don't know me but I never stand up for myself. So that was good.
And, I was telling an old south beach diet online buddy about what happened earlier this summer (before I started this thread). I went on a vacation with 3 other women that I was doing south beach with online. They all had kids. Did I mention this early on? Anyway, you can see how just chatting like this you can get pretty intimate - and close. When we met it was really aweful. I was so bored and even a little angry. They spent 5 days comparing kids. My son , . ., my daughter . . . well my daughter . . . There was no "oh Robin, so sorry we're leaving you out again", or anything! So check out what she writes back to me. Oh, of course, let me say that she does have a child:
"Maybe you were also haing some type of grief response to being childless in that situation that made it difficult to tell them what you were feeling. I felt that a lot when I was going through infertility treatment for so many years. I resented moms, but I didn't really admit that to myself for a long time. I didn't want to hear about their lives, because it reminded me of what I didn't have in mine that I wanted. After I finally accepted my infertility, I was better able to be interested in their lives without resenting them so much. It's almost as if at times I thought they were bragging about their lives, and my "childless" life just couldn't compare and wasn't worthwhile to them. But they weren't bragging. I was jealous, so I interpreted it that way to avoid dealing with my own painful grief. Once I accepted my childlessness, I wasn't jealous of their lives anymore and I was free to listen to them, learn from them, enjoy their stories, etc. and not compare myself to them. "
Excuse me? Grief response? I don't think so! It's as if some people think that automatically if you've never had kids, you walk around grieving as if your life isn't important bc you never had kids.
If I hadn't already said, my starting this thread was a response to that aweful trip.
Anyway, I get a point for thought of the day, 2 pts for posting, and 2 pts for h2o. So, well, hold on, I have to go back and check out what yesterday looked like. I'll come back and edit:
5/19/134
Sleep well!
Robin
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Pam,
I'm glad things are better. It's awesome that it doesn't stop you from swimming. Your consistancy is awesome!
Robin
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Mari,
Congrats on the scale being good to you. How much are you down? If you dont have your weight right on your page, I can't remember
Robin
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ROADTOFREEDOM
10/12/06 7:38 P
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"We all have a few failures under our belt. It's what makes us ready for the successes."
Randy K. Milholland, Midnight Macabre, 10-18-05
Lyn
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well I am home and things are looking better already. I'm just glad I didn't give into the M&M's which is a big thing for me. I have the next four days off and that's a blessing.
Cathi I understand how you feel about your job,. I do the A/R in my facility along with Medicare, Medicaid and insurance billing. Talk about things getting repetative. I often say I am nothing more than a data entry clerk. At least that's what it feels like sometimes. So our jobs are similar.
Yes Mari I meant to congratulate you on the friendly scale this morning. It does help the mood doesn't it.
Points for today are swimming - 6, tracking - 2, posting - 2, no positive thought today, water - 2, and hopefully 2 for nothing after 7:30 but we shall see. So my scores looks like 12/39/105. If I don't continue to write this down I forget where I am and I lose track of the points. Oh sometimes I feel so old, but then I look at the residents and I feel so young.
Pam
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LILMSMUFFIN
10/12/06 7:02 P
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We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about.
~Charles Kingsley
It is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head. ~Sally Kempton
Good evening friends:
Lyn, I agree with what you said earlier - my best competitor is myself. I keep trying to do a bit better each time, each day.
Robin & Mari, I haven't been keeping track of my sodium and probably should. My Mom has had high bp since her late 30's and my younger sister has been taking water pills for years. I tend to salt my food - sometimes before tasting it, which can be a BIG mistake sometimes! Perhaps I shall make a sodium limit one of my Spark goals.
Mari, I work in the finance dept of an HMO - specifically in A/P - the lowest place in the corporate pecking order it seems. Probably not a good job for someone with my eyesight but it's what I know. A/P is repetitive - some days it's like being a typist. That's enought about that!
Mari, congrats on the good news from the scales. 
Pam, hope you are feeling in better spirits. Leaving work always puts me in a much better mood!
I have a bit more water to get in before it gets too late and I'm up all night. I do really well drinking my water in the morning and then slack off in the afternoon. Another area needing improvement.......
Cathi
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Pam  It will get better especially since you are off tomorrow..
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Mari thank you for the quote I needed it badly. It seems it's my turn today to be frustrated to the inth degree. It started out bad when I got to work and it all went downhill from there. However, at this point I have not resorted to the M&M's as I decided not to let them get to me that way and I will use my frustrations in a positive way. I am taking tomorrow off and I am going to work on my business, which I need to do anyway.
Right now I just want the day to end so I can get out of here and get a better attitude. Talk to you all later.
Pam
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Quote for the day:
I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.
Martha Washington (1732 - 1802)
Good morning,
I slept really good last night. Got up the scales loved me this morning 161.0 
I even found out that the guy I asked to work for me on Saturday is not going to be able to and I'm okay with that. It's put a kink in my plans to go out of town but HEY! I will just leve later than I planned. Attitude. its all in your ATTITUDE... (Just wish I could keep this one allllll the time)
Cathi - I know what you mean about not wanting buy bigger clothes and knowing your closet has plenty for you if we could only lose 10 or 15 more lbs. I went back and re-read your post and see that its you that gets bored at work. what is it you do??
I usually don't have a problem drinking 6 or 8 glasses of water a day but this week has been the worst. And sounds like I'm not alone... We might need to make that a BIGGER focus and up the points ???? Because water is important for our body..
I am going to really work on lowering my sodium intake. I am still baffled....
Ok - gotta get back to work.. Will be back later..
Hope your having a great Thursday.
Mari
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Good morning,
Lyn, I'm with you. This is about our own process - making strides, sometimes backwards, but mostly forwards. Learning, learning all the time.
Mari, I know that the sodium is holding me back. I know I need to make some changes.
Thought for the day: You can live your dreams if you pursue them.
Gotta run. Have a great day everyone!
Robin
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Robin I think the same thing when I have to read to catch up on whats going on and then I get confused on who said what.. {{giggle}}}
I have not heard anythng about losing weight if you lower your sodium but I beleive it. I am as high as 4200 in a day.. That explains why I have to take a water pill about twice a week.
My Dad worked in the newport News shipyard in 1941 to 1944. So alot of things have changed since then.
My mom has adapted better than I could have imagined..
WEll I better go to bed. I'm trying to unwind after working late.
Sweet dreams
Mari
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ROADTOFREEDOM
10/11/06 10:29 P
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