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Good evening, all. Does anyone in this group practice yoga? Or know much about it (any particular shape one must be in to try it, equipment required or recommended, a good video, etc.)? Thanks in advance for any info.
J
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Cathy, he's right, I wound up with a charcot foot as a result of diabetes. No one detected the diabetes for years. Guess I should have changed doctors sooner but I didn't and that part is my fault. When I stand still in one place or am on hard cement floors like Wal-Mart and Sam's that bother me. But if I am moving around I don't notice it. At least not until I sit down. Maybe it's just because I am so busy and I love what I am doing so I forget about it. Anyway I am not letting that stop me.
I got up early this morning and went to the Y. Was in the pool for 2-1/2 hrs. That was long enough for me. After we finished there we then braved the stores but the worst of it was over as this was around 10:00 am. Didn't get to practice making my chocolate treats todayso now I will have to do that tomorrow. Maybe I could mail each one of you a piece so I can get it out of my house. LOL. I have to get use to making this stuff because if I know the people around here the chocolate oblivion will be the one cooking class they want. And no I don't cook at the Y. I cook in people's homes just like I do when I am doing a personal service. Everything I do is usually in a private home.
Hope you all enjoy the rest of the weekend.
Pam
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LILMSMUFFIN
11/24/06 10:02 A
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J, you put that very well - that's pretty much how I feel about the holidays also. As a teenager and a little in my 20's I tried to bring the religious back to it - great distain for the commercialism. You'd never know the supposed reason for this season of giving from how people talk about it these days. I guess that's another reason I'm so nostalgic about my youth.
I'd actually thought about going to a few places this morning to pick up some household items we could use. But it's very chilly out and I think I'm on the edge of coming down with something, so I'm staying in. I just brewed a cup of tea so I'm sitting down with a book and half a Panera cinnamon chip scone. 10 minutes of heaven before getting busy with my day.
Robin, you seem not to mind working today - so many people have to. You are providing a wonderful service too and I have a feeling you have great empathy that helps these families a good deal. Bless you.
Keep well everyone,
Cathi
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Hi Cathi,
I don't dread the holidays, in any emotional sense. I just find them tedious and expensive and disruptive. It's a predictable chaos that is draining rather than enhancing for me. I have a sense that if I could be somewhere else I'd find peace and serenity. Probably not, but like I said, a dream.
J
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"We are not what we know. We are what we are willing to learn."
-- Council on Ideas
and:
...Reality forms around your commitment to succeed.
Your desires will in time externalize themselves into concrete fact.
You only have to love a thing greatly to get it.
The key to your success is desire.
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Good morning ladies!
Wow, you guys had a lot to say last night. Well, it does sound like we all did pretty well, and a slice of pie for Thanksgiving dinner couldn't possibly be bad. Did we hear from Sara? I believe Mari's not back for a few days.
Anyway, unlike all you lucky girls, I have to work today. It's a very busy time of the year - peoples parents are up for the Holiday and all of the sudden they want them to come to see us quickly - because they realize they shouldn't be living all alone in Florida anymore. I have 3 appointments, and probably a couple of walk ins, so I'll be on my feet all day. I don't feel too bad 'cause my assistant is working on Sunday and she has 4 appts already. She'll be leaving me at the end of January, and then I'll be back to working Sunday thru Thursday for a while. :-(
Okay, I'll go look for a good quote and if I find it, I'll be back.
Enjoy the day!
Robin
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LILMSMUFFIN
11/24/06 12:06 A
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Hi J, your post crossed my last one. Yes, it sounds as though we all did pretty well today. I'm not dreading the holidays coming up but I'm not really looking forward to all the hype and frenzy either. I have never spent the Christmas holiday out of the country. I know people who spend it in Mexico or Europe but that would just feel strange to me - especially a warm climate. We went to the Bahamas in December one year but got back right before Christmas. I don't think I would have enjoyed being away at that time of the year.
Ireland though would be nice anytime. I took my mom there in '96. We did some family history research. I'd love to go back - in fact am saving to return but the saving account is probably too slim for next spring which is when I was hoping to take her again.
Time for me to hit the hay too.
Goodnight all and pleasant dreams.
Cathi
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LILMSMUFFIN
11/23/06 11:56 P
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Pam, the pie sounds so yummy! I haven't had a pie crust in so long. Iggy won't eat it and I make mine from scratch and can't see going to the trouble if he won't eat it. So I just mix the filling and bake it. He has gotten into the habit of putting glazed pecans on the top once it's done. I'll eat a few but that's a lot of extra sugar and fat. Pumpkin pie is my favorite but I'm getting used to just the filling with a dollop of cool whip light. Made with egg whites and about half the sugar, it's pretty healthy too.
After thanksgiving shopping? NO WAY! 
I also don't like crowds. I don't really even like shopping anymore but when I do shop, I like to take my time. We are close to a bookstore, a music store and a Bed, Bath, & Beyond so I might get to one or more of them this weekend but not Friday morning. My sister's and I did that once quite a few years ago and I didn't think it was worth it. I've also gone out the day after Christmas for those sales but I'll never do that again either. People are crazy!
Pam, Iggy said he's heart of the foot problem - usually associated with diabetes I think he said. Does it bother you when you cook as that requires a lot of standing? Do you teach cooking classes at the Y? My nephew lives in northern IL - somewhere near Muscatine Iowa. He studied cooking in college - along with business. I think he'd love to run a restaurant or a bar/restaurant combination but I don't think what he'd like to do would ever go in that area. Some family visited him last weekend and he took them to Coralville to a Chineese place and then to Rock Island or Moline to a little place that I'm told draws a biker crowd one night a week. My sister said the food was excellent.
I'm with you on not being able to afford new clothes. I'm eagerly anticipating being able to wear some of the things I bought a year or two ago and then never wore or wore seldom before I put more weight on. Some should be wearabhle in another 10 pounds. Some not for about 20. So, I should be good as long as the weight continues to drop.
And it will.
Cathi
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Hi everybody,
Just popping in to say goodnight. It sounds like everybody had a good day. I’m glad. It’s good now and then to reflect on how the least of us is obscenely wealthy in comparison to so many in the world – to be grateful for a roof, clean water, a door that locks, and the likelihood that we’ll still be here tomorrow, struggling with overindulgence in this land of plenty.
Now the crazy season begins in earnest. I dream about going away at Christmas (not sure where – maybe Ireland) and escaping all the rush and bustle. Won’t be this year, this I know.
Sleep well.
J
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LILMSMUFFIN
11/23/06 11:43 P
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Robin, it's raining here too - has been for the last three days. Glad you had a nice time and got back home safely. Sounds like you handled yourself well with the food. Good for you! That and 6 miles on the bike at the gym - that is great! Doesn't it feel good to have the workout out of the way in the morning?
I had a tiny slice of poppyseed cake - Iggy's birthday cake and now have the kind of upset tummy I get if I eat anything fatty. I didn't get it because I substitute whites only for the eggs and use fat free sour cream - so I thought there was very little fat in it. But Iggy tells me the seeds - and I use a whole can - are very fatty. I'm glad I only had a tiny piece.
Cathi
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LILMSMUFFIN
11/23/06 11:34 P
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Sara, I've posted before about waiting for the white knight - well it was prince charming because it was about a book I read a long time ago called The Cinderella Complex. I, too, never had career goals. I've had a lot of office jobs - they never pay well. I've worked in retail - worse pay, and did a short part-time stint in a bakery - low pay and hard on the feet. I enjoyed the bakery work but it wasn't at all what I thought it would be. I went to college and got a degree in Psychology. The next day I went back to my job in the office of a department store. I guess I had no vision, no drive, I don't know.
I figure I'll never be able to complete retire. I'll be working at something forever the way my IRA looks.
I totally agree with you about being able to get used to not working. I had a wee nap earlier and when I woke up I thought, Oh no, did I oversleep? What am I going to wear to work? Then it hit me that I don't have to work tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after that. It is a totally wonderful feeling.
Cathi
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ROADTOFREEDOM
11/23/06 10:41 P
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Robin,
I really enjoyed the quotes that you posted. They do fit with our program and the exploration that we've been doing.
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow."
Lyn
~~ James Dean
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LILMSMUFFIN
11/23/06 10:18 P
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Lyn, I so envy you the snow. To me that is essential this time of year - well, at least at Christmas. It snows occcasionally here but doesn't stay. Mostly it rains. It is raining now and has been almost non-stop for three days.
I think I understand your idea of creating a tribe. I think I saw myself as the eventual perfect mom - sort of a Martha with warmth (before I'd ever heard of Martha, mind you). I'd be a genius at home economics with a huge garden, freezing, canning, scratch baking. I'd sew, and do my own decorating. My husband would be amazed by me and my children would adore me. I guess I wanted to be Olivia Walton with money! Good-night John Boy.
Thank you for starting a list of things to be thankful for. That is one of the things I intended to do today but other than fix dinner, read, and nap, I've not been very productive. I bought a new journal just for that so I'll pull it out and begin before the night is over. I agree with you that a lot of the things we take for granted like indoor plumbing and hot water, electricity and plenty of food are some of the things we should be most grateful for. These are luxuries to many people. I, who am legally blind, am grateful for the sight I do have. I can't imagine what life would be like if I were totally blind. I also lost much of my hearing in my L ear as a teenager and I've become so thankful for the hearing that I do have. My job is boring and unfullfilling but I have one, many people don't. I have high rent for a small apt but I have a place to stay, a bed to sleep in, heat & a/c. Compared to some folks overseas or even here in the US or Canada, we are indeed fortunate.
Speaking of Thanksgiving, Canada celebrates it earlier as I recall from the posts I've seen. Is it much the same as ours in the way it's celebrated?
Cathi
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Well I just got back from my little excursion. It was nice and of course there was plenty of food however, I did not over eat. I did, however, have a piece of pumpkin pie, thought it was only right since I made it from scratch. I must say it was very good. I ate it, I enjoyed it, and that was that.
Robin you are lucky that your gym was open today. The Y ofcourse was not so not swimming. Get to go tomorrow though and I can stay for 3 hours if I so desire. I'll have to see how I feel.
Anybody getting up and going shopping at 5 am or whenever the stores open in your area. Not here. I can't stand crowds and it's not worth the effort. Besides we'll be at the Y.
I'm with you Robin can't wait to make turkey soup. I'm making mine tomorrow along with, get this, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. I have to practice my chocolate oblivion class and I want to to it tomworrow so I can take it to the Y on Saturday and get it out of my house. If I wait until Saturday it will be here all day SUnday and that's too much temptation.
Sara I am glad you had a nice time with your friend and that you enjoyed the day. I agree with you on the not having to work for a few days. It will be hard to go back to work on Monday. I am not particularly crazy about my job but it does pay the bills. It's just gotten so stressful and that's what makes it hard for me to stick on a healthy lifestyle. The swimming is what saves me for now. I am going to really try and overcome it all and get back on track so I can lose what I have gained over the past 1-1/2 years. Besides I can't afford to buy a whole lot of new clothes so that should be some incentive don't ya think.
That's enough of my rambling so I'll be moving on for now. Talk with you all tomorrow.
Pam
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Phew!
I just got home. It was pouring all day in New York and I had to drive about 50 miles each way so that was a bit trying. My best friend called when I was 15 minutes away from my brother's and I started crying. Once I got that out I felt much better, and went on to have a very good time.
I overate just a spoonful or so of stuffing; and had a sliver of chocolate cake. There was no wine served, so I saved calories on that! Also, I missed the shrimp cocktail and though the cheese platter was still out when I got there, I took one small bite and that was it. You guys remember, that's my downfall - the cheese. So, all in all, I did okay.
I came home with the carcass, bc the best thing about Thanksgiving is the turkey soup. :-) I'll make that over the weekend. Got home in time for Grey's Anatomy.
ps - I got to the gym this morning and biked about 6 miles.
Robin
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Hi Everyone,
WOW, you've all been so busy on this thread since last night.
Regarding my foot surgery, I had a piece of chipped cartilage the lodged in the joint between my big toe and the main part of my foot. It was horribly painful, but my doctor in Miami didn't want to do surgery. It got to the place where I could hardly walk on my foot it was so painful. When I moved to Orlando I had a new, younger doctor and he suggested surgery. He removed the cartilage and also the beginning of a bunion (sawed through the bone) so I have pins in that foot now. Anyway, it was the most painful experience I have ever gone through. I thought I was doing to die from the pain for about a week after the surgery (I was on crutches for several weeks). My foot was swollen for weeks and weeks (which is why, once I could wear shoes again, I could only wear sneakers for oh so long). My doctor was very good, and he said it was a good thing I had the surgery because if I had waited another ten years, I would have been crippled from it. My doctor was not a proponent of surgery (he believed surgery on the foot was the very last resort) but in my case he said I was too young (how sweet of him to say that) to go through what I was going through with my foot. Anyway, he told me it would take up to a year for my foot to get back to normal so I expected that and that is what it took. Once I could get back into normal shoes, I had to buy two different sizes because my one foot was swollen for months and months and I couldn't wear a normal size shoe on that foot. Anyway, my feet are fine now and do not give me any problems. Even though it was awful at the time, I am so glad I had the surgery.
Regarding being childless, it never really bothered me until my late 40s, and even then it didn't bother me a whole lot because I knew at that age I wouldn't have children. I have never had a strong maternalistic instinct, so I was not one of those women who longed to have a baby. I never worried about my biological clock as it just didn't matter to me a whole lot. Of course, I always thought, when I was young, that I would marry and have children, because what else could women do back then? That is how I was raised. But that just didn't happen. In all honesty, I would still like to find a man that I could love (and he love me) to spend the rest of my life with, and it doesn't matter to me whether he has children or not. But I need to lose a substantial amount of weight first before I ever meet him because I just don't feel attractive at this weight. Anyway, I don't like the thought of spending the rest of my years all alone, even though up to this point I have been alone for almost all of my adult life.
I should have had a career (hindsight is always 20/20) instead of just taking whatever job comes along. I have always had to work, but I guess I always thought my "white knight" would eventually show up and rescue me from menial jobs, but it didn't happen. Even at this age I don't make much money and I haven't been able to save for retirement because basically I still live paycheck to paycheck. It's scary to think about old age and not having any money but social security and a very small pension that had built up a little over the past ten years. I never knew how to "make" money other then by working. I probably worry far more about that then the fact that I never had children or got married.
Well so much for all of my rambling. I did spend today with my single female friend and we ended up eating at Denny's. Just got home a little while ago. It's a beautiful day here in Lakeland--in the mid 70s with beautiful, bright sunshine. Between now and April it is my favorite time of year here in Florida.
I hope you all have had a fantastic Thanksgiving Day. Man, I don't know about you, but I could get very used to not working for a while... Sigh... dream on...
Sara 
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Happy Thanksgiving to all. I have finished all my preparations for the meal later today with a few family members. Small just the way I like it. I almost forgot the bread in the bread machine but all is well. It came out of the pan and smells devine. It is a Deli Dill Bread recipie and it is sooooo good. I have to admit I do love my homemade breads. Usually made with whole wheat and rye flour. I could eat the whole loaf but I don't. I cut it into the proper number of servings and then freeze it. We usually eat bread with soup or stew. One of those easy type meals that I love during the week.
Cathi ask your Iggy if he has ever heard of a charcot foot. That is what I have. And you're right at least I have my swimming. I think that was you, or maybe it was Mari I can't remember, who said that in one way I was lucky because I love to swim and I can still do that and whoever it was was correct. I am so thankful for my swimming.
I could go on and on for all the things I am thankful for but I won't. I just want to say I am very thankful for this thread, thank you Robin, and your wonderful people. It is nice to have met people with some of the same hangups that I have. I don't feel so all alone. We relate to each other so much it is almost eerie(?).
One last comment, I accepted the fact that I couldn't have children a long time ago, but it does jump out at me every now and then and that's been since menopause. But I am a moody hyper person anyway so what else would I expect. I just learn to live with it and go on. That's my two cents worth on the subject.
Have a great day for what's left of it and don't overeat, you will feel terrible.
Pam
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LILMSMUFFIN
11/23/06 12:21 P
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Happy Thanksgiving LADIES!
Robin, I think I know what you mean about the foot pad thing - I had something like that. People who stand and walk alot maybe suffer more than others. Iggy had a pt who was a bartender and she suffered from that with other feet. Me, it was just my L foot - the one with the bunion. They called it a Morton's Neuroma and I had it removed when I had the bunion done. I don't know if there is any other treatment. The bartender had great results - Iggy found her a good surgeon who had a great reputation. I have a lot of numbness from mine but at least the pain is gone - from the neuroma anyway.
The podiatrist I was referred to my by PCP used a tincture of benzoine (sp?) - keeps the bandage sticking - but instead of just around the incisions, he spread it over the entire top of my foot, the sides and part way up the ankle. Three days later when they took off the bandages, I was terribly infected. Seems I was allergic (as had been four other of his pts recently) and I ended up with a very swollen, very messy, very painful foot. Four years later I still wear TED hose (compression stocking) on that foot if I'm going to be walking a lot or sitting for long periods (like on a plane) to keep the swelling down.
Morale of this story, don't go to a doctor you PCP refers to because they are friends, met at a party, or are just in the same medical "group." Check 'em out if you don't know of their reputation any other way. I tell everyone who asks (shoe salesmen etc) and some who don't, who my surgeon was and what happened to me.
I loved the quotes you listed and I will come back to think more about them later. Right now I'm going back to a simply written book by Sandra Day O'Connor about growing up on a cattle ranch in the desert southwest.
The turkey breast is smelling marvelous but Iggy went back to bed - was up all night. He is 55 today. All he wanted was a poppyseed cake and pumpkin with glazed pecans so I baked them for him last night. I think he's having a carb-overload nap!
Later,
Cathi
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ROADTOFREEDOM
11/23/06 12:11 P
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Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, guess what?
It's snowing again. :-)
I've been reading your messages and feeling grateful that I found this thread. Also, I'm grateful that you all were willing to let me crash the party even though I wasn't quite 50 yet.
On not having children...really I am fine with that. There are only momentary flashes of emotion at this stage. But when I get still and observe the emotions, I'm still surprised that I feel this way sometimes, after all this time. But, I think it is normal to grieve the losses we experience and that process varies with the individual.
Cathi - You are such a wise woman. You said - "Do we get depressed because we didn't have children or do we get depressed because we didn't fulfill our cultural and biological destiny as women? I'm not saying I believe we are all supposed to become mothers but a lot of people do and there is a lot of expectation."
I think sometimes that I wanted children as a way to unconsciously create a *tribe* for myself. I wanted the feeling that I was a secure member of a group...such a mix of dreams that were not realistic at all. I had the dream of this close and happy family and the dream that I would *fit* and never feel lonely again. Now that's dreaming. LOL
The biological drive of it is very powerful, maybe there was no thinking going on at all. Maybe it was all baby hunger and wanting to be like the other females.
Sara, I am so glad that you are spending some time with your friend. I hope that you have a wonderful time!
We celebrate Christmas...in a small way. The two of us, our mothers, his son. I decorate a tree, send cards, we exchange gifts. We'll make a turkey and stuffing etc. It's rare that I spend Christmas with siblings. I prefer small, so that's OK. I'm not a member of an organized religion so celebrating Christmas has become (for me) more of a celebration of my personal spiritual practice. To me, it's symbolic of that. To the others we invite, it's about tradition. To hubby, it's a nuisance. LOL (I'm kidding...well, no...maybe not).
To everyone...since the holiday season generally involves food (for many people)...does anyone have any good and tested recipes that are lower calorie?
At the start of this holiday season...I am grateful for
- running water (a shower feels so good)
- general good health
- an abundance of food
- comfort in my surroundings, including a computer to communicate with
- and wonderful people to communicate with to give me the opportunity to learn and grow
The list of things to be grateful for is so huge I would have to type all day.
Really...it's all good.
Lyn
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I just came across these and it kind of goes with our 6 week plan so here goes:
Love your shadows
"There is that part of ourselves that feels ugly, deformed, unacceptable. That part, above all, we must learn to cherish, embrace, and call by name."
-- Macrina Wiederkehr
Each of us has characteristics we define as Œgood‚ and those we define as Œbad.‚ The parts of ourselves that we continually reject want to be acknowledged and loved. Until we honour these aspects, they will continue to assert themselves. They will do whatever they can to get our attention.
What aspects of yourself do you reject?
Take a few moments to open to the parts of yourself that you do not love. See each one honestly for what it is. Explore the wounds and the motives that gave rise to its condition. Love a wounded part of yourself and it will heal.
"...self-contempt never inspires lasting change."
-- Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter
"The first step toward change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do, it's something you allow."
-- Will Garcia
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Cathi,
I always enjoy reading your posts. You made me laugh out loud when you said that thing about fish out of water.
Well, there are a lot of foot issues with this group, so I'm going to add mine. I had surgery oh 25 years ago - on both feet - I believe it was bursitis. Since I worked out on Sunday, I'm having problems with my feet - both of them right - how can I explain, under my toes in the middle. There's a pad thing there and it hurts when I walk! It may be because I wore my new keds sneakers all last weekend and there's no support in there at all . . .
Let's face it, we're all affected in some way, when it comes to these holidays. Disappointments, unrealized dreams, etc, etc. I've always been the odd man out at holidays - well, as a kid I was the scapegoat (but it's said that's the healthiest one), and my brothers and I were quite close - we had to be in that house . . . but now, since I left the family business 5 years ago, I'm not sure what my position is. They kind of look at me. Once I left, my one brother gave my other brother the raise I asked for for 10+ yrs. Now I'm earning 30% more than I ever did with "the family" and have a lot more benefits, too. Plus, they don't get to control me anymore. They always said that I was "Miss Independent". I just hate being controlled. My ex husband tried to do that too, and I dont' even mind making bad decisions just so long as I'm the one making them. Sorry, rambling . . .
I kind of feel bad that I'm not all that close to my brother's kids, but I live 45 minutes away and across a bridge from everyone. 
I kind of dread this day and yet I know that when I'm older things will change, people will die, and I'll miss a day like this. So, I'm going to do what Pam said, and yes Cath, I'm with you about choice - I have choices and today I choose to go and enjoy and have a good time, and then when I'm ready I'll leave.
Robin
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LILMSMUFFIN
11/23/06 12:37 A
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It's me again. I really will try to make this brief. Then go to bed - is after midnight for goodness sakes.
J, as Robin said the "fine with it" was how she was feeling at the time. I guess that is how I was feeling when I first checked it out. If I'd been down about it at the time, perhaps I would have passed it by. Either way, I'm here and I hope you are still too. I enjoy your posts a lot.
Lyn, it sounds like you are going through a rough patch too. Maybe it is the time of year, the short, dark days, I don't know. Different things cause me to start thinking about it and sometimes the feeling is grief. I was discussing this with Iggy just last night. Do we get depressed because we didn't have children or do we get depressed because we didn't fulfill our cultural and biological destiny as women? I'm not saying I believe we are all supposed to become mothers but a lot of people do and there is a lot of expectation. Sometimes I think never having been married is more of a trigger for me than not having had children. When I get to thinking about that, I can really get myself upset.
Lyn, you described the cold and snow but that you are warm and safe inside. I'm so glad you shared that thought - it was very comforting to me. People have told me that I'm odd because I like raining and cold, icky weather. But what I like about it is being inside and feeling safe and secure. Kind of like being here with all of you when I'm feeling sort of blue.
Mari, you also said you are going through issues at home and having a tough time. I wish I could help. But you probably don't need much help because I think you went on to say that you have the power to change how you feel - that you know that now because of this thread and your friends here. Wow, you ladies keep saying the most wonderful things. But, Mari, if you need to unload or just think out loud, we're here for you.
And, Mari, I LOVED how you said you can see yourself in your dreams - next year in a bikini! How about seeing half a dozen or so 50-something women there with you (one will have on dark glasses), all looking healthy and fit and trim, while talking about all the things they have in common, like that great pajama party at Robin's last year.....
Love you "guys,"
Cathi
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LILMSMUFFIN
11/23/06 12:03 A
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Unlike Lyn who thought she had nothing to say and then said a lot and said it well, I feel I have a lot to say but don't know where to start and will probably screw it up so please bare with me. Apparently it has been awhile - I try to check in once or twice a day - or maybe everyone has just been busy posting.
So....J, I also suffered from plantar fasciitis. My Iggy is a doc - and he took care of it for me but for the life of me I can't remember how - I'll ask. I do remember it was worse in the morning when I first put my feet on the floor.
Pam, I had no idea about your foot problem. Why in the world didn't they x-ray your foot? Had you been in an accident? The one positive thing I can see (if you will permit me) is that you love to swim. It is just so good that you have an activity that you love that doesn't require you to be on your feet.
Hmmmmm...what next?
This thread. Yes, thank you, Robin, from the bottom of my little pea-pickin' heart for starting this thread. I can see that the title might confuse some but I don't think if I were a woman with grown children, I would think that "over 50 w/o children" meant me. Anyway, I do tell everybody that I am fine with it and most of the time I am. I will admit though that this time of the year isn't especially hard for me because of not having children. Christmas has become so commercial that I don't miss that. But I miss family, I miss what we had when I was growing up. I miss my Dad, the farm, my brothers and sisters still as children. I mourn the passing of all that. I have six siblings. Three are married with children and grandchildren. One is divorced with children and grandchildren. One is single with a married son. Two of us never married and never had children. So, I'm not the only odd ball in our family - we are kind of full of them!
Also, I was raised Catholic. I questioned a lot of things and wasn't too comfortable any more but I was staying with it. Then I met Iggy who is Jewish. Blah, blah, blah -- long story -- the result is I no longer decorate for Christmas. We don't exchange gifts. Since I won't be going home for Christmas this year and have no friends in this area, I'll mail money to my 85 year old mom (the only thing she really needs) and that will be the extent of my holiday giving.
Truth is I don't know if this really upsets me or not or if it just so different from what my life used to be like and what I ASSUMED my life would be like now that I feel like a fish out of water. Sara, don't read this out load around Noah!
Today at work listening to all the plans people had didn't make me feel sad because I was glad I wasn't having to cook for a crowd, or travel a long way for a meal, or have a housefull of guests. But sitting here with a tiny turkey breast in the fridge, some pumpkin custard (he won't eat pie crust) and some cranberries for cooking later, well, it just doesn't feel much like a special day. So I have to get myself out of this funk and make it spe | | |
