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| Dear Jackie, Kiki, Kali, Thank you all, you have helped me keep my sanity. The surgeon, dosen't think that it is a tumor, which she did. The problem is she dosen't know what is causing all the pain, and the lump. She thinks that it is scare tissue, and the gastroparesis has enlarged my stomac to 3 times its normal size and when the food collects it lays there until it gets pushed though, when this happens it pushes on the scare tissue causing the extra pain. As for the gastroparesis, one of the other dr.'s called with an appointment for me at the University of Michigan Hospital on June 19, at 12:45. So I guess I get to wait some more and pray that the pain isn't so bad. We tried to find a house back when my hubby first was transfered, but couldn't afford one. The kids were still home and of course didn't want to move but were willing to. Our daughter was a cheerleader, and on the Champion equestrian team, a hard thing to leave as a teen. She was willing, but you see I have several loves, my music, my horses, I have a grand piano. I really didn't want to give up as I worked and saved for 8 years for it. I wanted a horse all my life and my husband gave me my first for a wedding present and I just couldn't get rid of him, he was very old at the time. 32. Also, my parents live within a 30 minutes drive here, as well as my mother-in-law,who is very frail, as are my parents. Someone has to take care of them, at least look in on them. So that is why I am here and he is there, now that the kids are gone, I would go up there somehow during the week for a visit, but the house up there is soooooo small and with 2 men living there there is no room or privacy for me, so when the other guy retires I may be able to go up for a visit, at least sometimes, but you know with all my medical problems trying to change all my doctors would be horrible. Besides my husband dosen't want to live there either, so as soon as he can he will move back, things are just more complicated than just me moving up there. Also his job isn't very secure now, who knows if he will have a job at all. Things are just not stable. I keep busy with things to keep me from getting scarred. You guys all help in that department. THANK YOU!!! Diana
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RAZAYOTAIR
5/16/06 1:18 P
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Diana - stop apologising!! We're here for you. You are going thru a hard time now and its good to have somewhere/someone to pour your heart out to. Hope your appointment with the surgeon went ok. Let us know what he said.
Jackie
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KALINDRIA
5/16/06 12:55 P
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Hey, Diana, if you can't dump on us, who can you dump on? Seriously, you've got a lot of things to cope with in your life right now and I can certainly understand that the frustration and stress takes a toll. Vent away. If it ever gets to be too much, I'll let you know.
Honestly, I wouldn't live apart from my husband/mate. I would find some way to be together. But that's just me. It's tough enough to make a marriage work nowadays and I'm sure being apart like that certainly doesn't make it any eaiser. You have my good thoughts and prayers for lots of healing love and luck. Be well.
kali
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| DEar Kiki, Thank you. It is times like this that I feel the worst, as I usually am the one who offers words of encouragement to others not dumping my problems on them. Well I need to get ready for my the surgeons appointment. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. Your friend always Diana
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Diana, nothing to worry about. I deal with my hubby's recovery from his stroke daily. His left side is also still quite weak. Left hand is finally starting to grip, make a fist etc. so I know exactly what you are feeling. You have every right.
I meet with a few close friends from time to time just to escape my daily grind and they encourage me to vent and recoup some of my own energy. Without friends to turn to, I don't know what we would do. With the help of friends, family and God, we will get through all this junk. Just hand in there and dump on me anytime. I say a little prayer for you every night.
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| Dear kali, Sorry about dumping on you too. I have been so stressed about all that is going on in my life, which part of the stress is all the dr.s that I have to see, and all the tests, therapy that I have to do. It really takes all of my spare time, and I am getting exhausted thinking about it. I really do feel bad as I never used to do this, I am always a positive person, who trys to help others, I keep the medical things to myself. I am also stressed as I have put on 3 lbs which I cannot seem to get rid of. The neurologist did say that he thinks my thyroid is of also. It is so hard to keep track of things. I really need to get my act together. Thank you all for not ignoring me, and I do appologize to everyone! Thanks Diana
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| Der Jackie, Sorry that I seem to always dump on all of you, I guess I do because I have knowone to dump on here because my husband is so far away. This has been our life for over 10 years. I am thankful that he has a job, at least for now. I really worry about your husband though it would be a killer training your replacement, I do hope that he gets the job or one even better. He probably has been worried and feeling stressed. I will say prayers that he will get the best job for him, werever that may be. Sorry about dumping on you. Diana
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| Dear Kiki, I really think that part of my anxiety is just the fact that I am constantly going to the dr, or hospital, I really have no choice though. Today I saw the neurologist, tommorrow the surgeon again for the results of my tests that I had this past Friday. This is about the lump in my stomac. Neurologists says he thinks things are going OK since the stroke I am weak on the left side though he kept giving me the different strength tests, I tried my hardest to resist his strength but it didn't work. I can work out though, but my right shoulder I thought was getting better after therapy was worse, but I guess sometimes things have to get worse befor they get better right? We had dinner at my mothers, we had to cook and clean up but my hubby was right there helping the whole time. He also helped on his birthday sat. for our mother daughter banquet. Thanks for listening to my junk, I really feel bad that it seems like all I do is dump on all of you. Diana
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RAZAYOTAIR
5/15/06 2:52 P
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Hi all!
Diana - this is the place to vent! That's what we are all here for - to give each support when we need it.
I have a cousin in Detroit who works for Ford. I don't have any contact with him though. My sister in law lives in LA and I know that their business isn't doing so well as it used to. I understand about your worry about your husband loosing his job. My husband is loosing his at the moment - his replacement has started working, but he still hasn't been given a letter ending his employment. He went for a second interview today for that job in Angola (in Africa!). He was told that he will have to wait about 2 weeks before getting an answer as they gave him a graphologist test - that checks handwriting (I know that's not spelt correctly, but I can't remember the word in English!!! - so, Diana, maybe you are right & I do translate!!!) Anyway, the uncertaintenty of our situation is also hard and we are both not sleeping well. I'm just hoping that we'll have a answer by the wedding. If he gets the job it will mean that he will be away for almost 3 months at a time, and then home for 2 weeks, so it will be very hard on us all.
Bye for now,
Jackie
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Diana,
I have a good friend in Michigan and although her job is safe for now, a lot of others aren't and I certainly do understand that anxiety. Don't ever worry about venting here -- we can all take it and sometimes that's what you need to do to get the bad feelings out. I know posting here also keeps my hands busy so I don't absently stuff my face.
The economy in California is OK. Some sectors are growing but there are so very many people for every opening, it's tough. The extra costs we pay for gas, electric, water, and housing is called a SUNSHINE TAX. People are willing to pay more to live out here and work for lower wages because of the good weather. It was awful when I was living in San Diego and making $40K a year for a job that pays at least double that in any other part of the country. But I did get to live in SD. And my office windown overlooked one of the best beaches in the country... and the other window looked out on a great winding street with cool little shops.
Everyplace has its drawbacks and benefits. I hope your situation works out. Living in two separate households must be tough. My parents did that for a year while my dad taught classes at a different university 700 miles away for one year. He rented an apartment for that time and because he was near a regional wine growing area, he and my mom spent many weekends wine tasting whish was nice.
Hang in there, Diana, and feel free to say whatever's on your mind. We can take it, I promise.
kali
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Good Monday morning ladies. I hope everyone made it through Mother's Day without consuming too many calories. I didn't get on the scale today - think I will wait a day or two. LOL Went to a Mexican restaurant yesteday - the usual chili con queso with chips, fajitas and margaritas. Oh yeah! Paid big time last night with the indigestion. Got up around 2 AM to pop some TUMS - but it was worth it. Today I will be watching and counting calories.
Diane, I am worried about you. Girl, you have to start taking things a little easier and relaxing a bit more.
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| Dear Kiki, Hope this finds you doing well and beginning to get caught up on your rest. Tommorrow I will be going to my neurologist, in regards to the stroke. I almost feel like chancelling but I am sure I need to go. Also pt tommorrow then to work teaching 14 students. We are getting close to the Spring recital, so thing are a bit tense right now. I am off school this week and next. I am happy that I received all A's this semester.YEA! Talk to you all later. Thanks ladies for helping me to stay sane. You have all become important to me. Thanks! Diana
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| Dear Jackie, It worked I laughed for the first time in a couple days. I wish that I would have read your post before I wrote to Kali, all of that would not have come out. It really isn't fair not to be honored as a mother. I do know that the first mothers day was started in our town, in Albion, Mi. we used to have a big celebration, every year lots of hoopla. That ended when Albion lost most all of its industry, and the hospital. I guess things are struggling to get better. I know that a friend of mine is from Korea and she does extremely well E-mailing and she has to translate, I was just courious , I knew that your mom and daughter live in England but thought that they may have moved there from Isreal. It probably would do us all well to learn hebrew. I don't know if this brain would be able to comprehend though LOL! I am glad that you are getting excited about the wedding, and am glad that your mom and daughter found their dresses. Great! What about the job? Do you know anything yet? Well I will wish you a happy belated Mothers Day, cause we all deserve it. Right ladies. Even if your not biologically a mom I think most ladies are mom in one way or another, the first mom position is wife, at least if you marry at a younger age,[at least I found that I had 3 children at times] I wouldn't do it any differently though. Talk to you all later. Diana, p.s. Kali I hope that you will still write!! I do seem to get depressed a lot lately. Sorry!
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| Dear Kali, I know that the gas is higher in California, the cost of living in Michigan is lower than Cal I believe, at least Monica's former employer,[an othodontist which has a practice in Cal. as well as Michigan says that, I also know that when my husband and I went to Cal. [job training] we found it much more expensive than Michigan. I don't live there so I am not an expert of course. Michigan is in sad shape right now with a very high unemployment rate and it's getting higher. My husband said goodbye to 358 of his fellow workers the 1rst of April and will say goodbye to 269 in 2 weeks. I pray that things will get better. States like Ohio, Indiana seem to be booming. Michigan relys so heavily on the Auto industry. When things go bad there the entire state suffers. Everyone loses. I do hope that things get better. In one of my college classes we have been studying the economy of the nation. Michigan is really in bad shape. What we need is things to change statewide. Give companies a insentive to stay here. Oh well, I do know that the gas prices are killing all of us. I have much less to pay my bills, with my copays alone this past year they were 17,000. over and above what the insurance paid, which we pay 850. per month for. With my husband and I together making 64,000. per year it has been tough, BUT IT COULD BE MUCH WORSE I KNOW. I am thankful that we have what we have, I'm running to the doctor or hospital it seems daily, which takes all my earnings to put gas in the car, it dosen't leave much left, My husband works 150 miles away, so we also keep two households running year round. [this is very hard also] It takes 60. to put half a tank of diesel fuel in our truck, which lasts about 3 days, especially when I go to college. We really live with no frills, no dish, no cable,[rabbit ears, and they work fine]no extras on the phone, our cars are 13&12 years old. The second house is 800 sf. I know that I sound very ungrateful for what I do have, entirely the opposite is true, but if hubby loses his job after 27 years we will not have any pension of any sort, I have put into the companys pension plan as well, it is frozen right now. We basically will have to start over again at our ages. But God is good, and we will be OK I now that my husband can get another job, we will just lose all we've worked for the past 27 years. WE have each other and our family, and we are very fortunate. So let me quit complaining. I hope things get better for everyone. I did hear that gas was very high in Cal. Highest in the nation.This is too depressing. How is every thing else? Sounds like your daughter has trouble with her thyroid, and has trouble keeping weight on. That is to bad but its great that she got the corset back dress, my daughter did also, she lost weight before the wedding and wasn't trying, but it worked out. I am sorry for this depressing post but I guess not knowing about many aspects of my life right now, and that I don't know whether I will have to live with a stomac tube or not is putting me in a poor mood which is not like me to do. I try to always see the positive, I think that I could make a large list of blessings that I have. Happy Mothers Day!! Diana K. p.s. sorry for venting.
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", I don't see how the gas can go from 2.71.9 per gallon to 2.99.9 in 2 hours but that is what has been happening around hear, then the next day it will go down again, also we have a station that will be 2.89 per gallon and 40ft away the next station will be 2.99"
I had to laugh at this. I live in California and I would LOVE to only be paying $2.99 a gallon again. Last time I filled up (and my car takes premium) it was $3.54 a gallon. Ugh!
My daughter has hyperthyroid (too active -- under control w/ meds now tho) and has lost ten pounds of her 110 lb. body in the last month. She picked up her wedding dress yesterday and it was too big. Fortunately it has a corset back and so they found they don't have to alter it, they can just lace her tightly up the back.
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms!
kali
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RAZAYOTAIR
5/14/06 1:14 P
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Hi everyone!
Happy Mother's Day to you all! In England Mother's Day is in March & in Israel, we don't have Mother's day anymore - its now "family day! Which is really annoying & not fair!!!
Diana - after reading about what you are going thru - I feel that my little worries about the wedding are nothing! I don't know how you manage to continue with your studies - I know that I couldn't do that if I was in your situation. I have a good friend who's mother has had a "bag" outside her body for a very long time and she manages very well - she dresses beautifully and you would never know what she is wearing underneath her dress! So it doesn't necessary mean that you won't be able to dress femininely again, if that's what the doctors decide is best for you.
Yesterday, both my daughter and mother finally found something to wear. The first wedding is June 8th.
I am trying to enjoy this time - its so exciting, and I am wondering whatever will I have to do once the October wedding will be over.
And finally, Diana, of course I don't translate all this. Apart from the fact that I am English (!) this site is in English - and I can't quite see Sparkpeople setting up a site in Hebrew!!! (to be read with an slight sarcastic English accent!!!!!!!!)
This was written with the hope that it would bring a smile to your face, but I'm not sure if it reads like I want it to!............
Jackie
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| Dear Kiki kali & all, I hope eveyone is doing well, Kiki have you begun recovering yet? I know what you mean about the cost of everything the cake too. My mom makes and decorates cakes [from scratch] We ended up paying 250.00 but enough to serve 550. Which was bad but actually according to everyone else this lady was pretty good, she will also be baking and decorating a cake for their 1rst anniversary.[free] We are having trouble keeping gas in our vehicles, I don't see how the gas can go from 2.71.9 per gallon to 2.99.9 in 2 hours but that is what has been happening around hear, then the next day it will go down again, also we have a station that will be 2.89 per gallon and 40ft away the next station will be 2.99 go a bit farther and you will see one for 2.80 Youcan all read my post to Jackie. Kali, I know that I need time for me, that is my college classes. If I just lie around [which believe me sounds great] my deseases will really and truly take over. I will not be able to move, or do anything. This is very difficult to say the lest. Diana p.s. today I took my grandaughters to our mother-daughter banquet at our church, I didn't do anything [no cooking, no clean up] All I did was take a shower and get dressed, my youngest grandaughter didn't have a whole lot to do with me today for some reason, she was grandpa's girl and Aunt Monica's. But it didn't help me at all my blood sugars bottomed out 3 times today. [got very low] I didn't even shoot insulin, I ached all over, couldn't hardly move. [needless to say I couldn't workout today again, this upsets me] I guess I need to give myself my long acting insulin this evening, and pray that I wake up in the morning. I don't know id all of you celebrate mothers day , if you do happy mothers day to all. Your friend, Diana
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| Dear Jackie, I can't remember the first daughters wedding date, it has to be soon, I am sure that your mother and daughter will find something beautiful to wear. I'll bet your other daughter [in England] is getting a little tense with her plans, especially with you out of town, I guess that she has her grandma, and that is probably helpful. There is only experimental treatments that are possibilities, with some of my conditions. One a stomac tube, which I will survive on baby food the rest of my life, and there is I guess a thought that maybe a pacemaker might be able to be implanted into my stomac, also they are talking about starting me on an insulin pump, the only problem I see with that is I will not be able to wear real feminine clothes as you have to wear a belt to hold all of the outside equipment, bommer but I guess if I have to I have to. Buy the way my grandaughter's birthday was today, she just turned 2, she shared it with my husband, she was born on his 50th birthday, I graduated with one of my degrees, many wonderful things for one day. I am trying to focus on those days at this time im my life. I've been having another rough day, my blood sugars have been bouncing again, I guess it hasn't ended at all in the past 2 weeks, I also think that I had an allergic reaction to the IV dye, and the barium, that I drank. I think that my daughter-in-law thinks that I try to fake illnesses, I just hope and pray that she nor anyone else has to have these problems, I personally beleive that God is in control and maybe he will use me for new discoveries. My daughters picture was in the paper, they took a picture of her friend and the photographer said "maybe they would be stars in the paper the next day". They were both pretty girls, I think the photographer thought so too. To bad for him as both are married. LOL better close. I will be saying prayers for your wedding and husbands job etc... everything will be wonderful. You know nobody thinks about the different traditions around the world as far as weddings go. I've also been meaning to ask you, do you have to translate all of your posts? If you do you are doing wonderfully. I do enjoy all of your posts, except the ones that tell us that you are stressing out. Diana
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Hi Jackie. I can certainly relate to what you are experiencing. About the wedding cake - my daughter's cake was double layer chocolate fudge with chocolate cream between layers and a white frosting. It was decorated with seashells around the bottom and a red hibiscus on top. The cake cost me $175.00 and believe me when I tell you I could have made it and decorated it myself. Granted I would have needed to buy a large round cake pan. The cake was very good but certainly not worth the money. I believe you could make it yourself and it will be lovely.
Don't worry about your mother and daughter, they will find something to wear and will both look lovely. I can say that now that my wedding is over, but it is true. We tend to worry so much - wanting everything to be perfect and it will be.
Stay cool, my friend and enjoy the ride.
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RAZAYOTAIR
5/13/06 2:28 A
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Hi everyone! I've not been able to get to the computer for the past few days.
Diana - you sound like you are really going thru a tough period just now. What's the treatment for your illness? Hopefully there is something that can make y ou feel better at least.
Here in Israel, it seems that they don't have wedding cakes any more. I don't know why, there were in the past. So, as a surprise, I have baked a small wedding cake just for the family. I still have to marzipan it and ice it. Any suggestions? I say that its a surprise - but to be honest, I think that the only person who will appreciate it will be my mother who is coming from England for the wedding!
There are lots of lovely desserts and cakes at weddings instead of an actual wedding cake.
Anyway, we went to finalise the menu this week - & had to taste everything - so that wasn't good for the diet! There's going to be a running buffet at the reception with poached salmon, sushi, egg rolls, stir-fried chicken and smoked goose breast stuffed with dates!! Then the main meal will be grilled meats and salads - which is suitable as the wedding is being held at a swimming pool.
My other daughter, in London, & my mother, also in London, are getting worried as they have been to all the shops in the West End and neither of them can find something to wear for the wedding!! I'm hopeing that they'll find something this weekend as they are both getting frustrated and anxious.
There seems to be a lot going on at the moment - what with the uncertaintenty (spelling?) about dh's job. I'm getting spots on my face! DH in London, has decided that she wants to change her wedding dress (the October wedding) and she will only be here for a few days in June for this wedding. Hopefully she'll be able to do that as she is only going for her first fitting when she will be here.
This is a long post!!
Gramstam (I'm not sure if I have spelt that properly!) - I'm sure that everything will be fine on the day - but you are haveing a hard time getting there! I would definitely try to get the highest discount that you could on the dress. Having a dress that isn't what the bride dreamed of, could really be upsetting. However, she is going to look beautiful anyway!
Sorry, that this has been so long!
Have a great weekend everyone,
Jackie
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KALINDRIA
5/11/06 12:21 P
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Diana,
Thanks, I'm very happy about the weight loss, but I also have a long way still to go. I made such fast progress in the beginning that I got kind of spoiled and now I want the scale to move downward every single day. It's been steady for four or five days now... Sigh.
Diana, dear, all those activities and things you do are great (I used to be just like you) but it doesn't sound like you are making yourself a priority. You HAVE to carve out some time for Diana. If you don't do it, no one else will. You need time to rest, exercise, recharge those batteries and just pamper yourself. We all need to take care of ourselves because if we don't, pretty soon we don't have the mental and physical resources to take care of anyone else either.
Sorry to lecture you if I'm wrong... I just want you to be healthy and happy.
My daughter's doing cupcakes because of the cake prices in her area, because she wanted something different and because she's trying to avoid the restaurant's cake cutting fee of $6 a person. Besides, she loves to bake and she's really good at it.
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| DEar Kali, Congrats on the weight loss!!! I'm glad the knee feels a bit better. Keep us posted. I appreciate everyones thoughts on my present situation, I'm just sorry that I have put all this on everyone, I guess sometimes I get feeling sorry for myself or something, WHICH IS NOT IN MY NATURE!!!!. This in itself upsets me. I do have to keep going because if I give up the lupus will take over and I won't be doing anything [not for me] It just seems as though the harder I work at being better the worse things get. EVERYONE I NEED TO KEEP ACTIVE FOR MY HEALTH. It has been OK today as I didn't need to get to the hospital real early. I do a lot of volunteer work for my church, I am a 4-h leader also, I have also volunteered for the local schools. All of this is good for the soul. If I just sit around I will just feel sorry for myself and this is NOT WHAT I WANT. Sorry everyone for dumping on all of you. I do think so highly of all of you, and I do care about you, and I really enjoy reading and writing to all of you so if you can put up with me I will keep track of all of you. Sincerely, Diana
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| Dear Jackie, How are you? What have you heard about your husbands job? Have you gotten together with daughter and son-in-law yet? Diana
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OMG Diana, you need a vacation - a very long one. My mother always says that everyone has a cross to carry in their lifetime, so I would say you are carrying yours now. Remember God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Hopefully you will come through all this a stronger person. My prayers are with you.
Yes I do live on the lake in the picture. It is actually a bay (St. Mark's Bay). The bay runs into St. Mary's River which is the link between Lake Superior and Lake Huron. I can see the International Bridge from my front window - the bridge links Ontario to Upper Michigan. This is a beautiful place to live.
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| Dear Kiki, Jackie and all, Hi, I just got back home after a greuling day, Dr. appointment, then pt, and then another Dr. appointment. All of which were running late so therefore I was late to work [teaching] and I didn't get to eat anything for lunch and I finished teaching at 7:30 p.m. My daughter had called my cell and asked me if I would like to come to here house for steak that she cooked ohn the grill. It sounded good, then she called back and asked me to stop and get her some corn, and milk etc... so needless to say by the time I was able to eat it was 8:30 then after clean up it was 9:50 after we talked a bit,[which I miss terribly] it was 11:00p.m. then I had a 45 min. drive home, and I am exhausted. I will be having some bloodwork tommorrow and then a special CT scan on my abdomin early Friday morning, my daughter is graduating college tommorrow evening, I just got word that my husbands aunt just passed away and the funeral is on Friday. So I just don't know I guess there is no rest again. I wasn't even able to work out today that is how busy I was.[I never miss my workouts] Next week Tuesday I have a Neurologists appointment, Monday again with the surgeon. She dosen't think that my protrusion is a hernia like I thought, so I told her last evening I had a dream that when I had my gallbladder removed they left a spong and a scalpal in my abdominal cavity. I told the surgeon today and she said that I would know if anything like this happened after my test on Friday!! What is life if you can't laugh right. Jackie, and Kiki hope everything is going well for both of you. Kiki do you live on the lake in the picture? It is beautiful. Diana p.s. Jackie, how are the wedding plans going?
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| Dear Gramsten, I didn't remember that you asked for help with what to do with the dress situation. What a horrible thing to have happen I diffinately would insist on a large discount. This is discusting. You need to be compinsated somehow. Diana p.s. I guess the Kiki had said the same.
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