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CHUNKYMUMMA SparkPoints: (2,262)
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11/19/13 5:28 A

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I overheard 2 so called friends talking about me in the toilet - the y said - how can anyone let them selves get that big, its disgusting - and her poor kids, she doesnt deserve them, they should be taken away before she ruins there lives.

I am not losing weight - im getting rid of it. I have no intention of ever finding it again


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MANDYPANTS42's Photo MANDYPANTS42 SparkPoints: (185)
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11/5/13 7:45 A

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my daughter was almost 7 and mad at me for something. she yelled at me "everyone callls you fat. all the kids on my bus call you fat. i didn't want to tell you."..it's funny because i never wanted to be embarassing to her because of my weight.

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READY4BEAUTY's Photo READY4BEAUTY Posts: 19
11/2/13 2:47 A

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emoticon Thank you BEHAPPY0201. After I posted it on this thread, I felt free from it. emoticon

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BEHAPPY0201's Photo BEHAPPY0201 Posts: 619
10/31/13 12:29 P

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I'm sorry Ready4beauty - emoticon emoticon

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READY4BEAUTY's Photo READY4BEAUTY Posts: 19
10/31/13 12:32 A

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This morning, while fixing my lunch, my mom walks into the kitchen and says "I dont like that shirt. The horizontal strips make your look even fatter." I literally walked back to my room, changed my shirt and threw the other one away, even though it was one of my favorites. It took me almost 15 years to feel comfortable enough to wear strips emoticon

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SUPER_ACE115's Photo SUPER_ACE115 Posts: 5,271
10/27/13 1:50 A

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A co-worker said "Slimming down, I see."
Another co-worker asked if I had lost weight.

Jeremiah 29:11 ~~ "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."




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BEHAPPY0201's Photo BEHAPPY0201 Posts: 619
10/23/13 12:27 P

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When I was thin (5'5" and 128 pounds) I had two comments that I don't think I've ever gotten over.
My brother told me - you'd be hot if you'd just work out. And my fiance told me that I was so fat not one would ever love me.
I think I feel like if I wasn't worth it to people when I was thin - why should I put in the work to loose the weight.
Those words come back to haunt me every time the scale doesn't move or god forbid goes up.

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VERSESTHATHURT's Photo VERSESTHATHURT SparkPoints: (27,734)
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10/23/13 10:50 A

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When having a conversation with my MIL recently (she complimented my weight loss and asked how I was doing it) her sister said three or four time that I was starving myself. It made me really angry, but I didn't even acknowledge the comment. Actually, my MIL didn't either, heh.

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GUTZMOM's Photo GUTZMOM Posts: 144
10/13/13 10:07 P

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"you have great check bones, such a shame that you hide them" One Aunt also told me "you don't count". The way I look at it is, that life could be worse because I could think like them.

Just this week a lady at work commented about me being on spark people like its a bad thing, I just let it go. I'm down 14 lbs and she's on blood pressure medicine, I'll be just fine. She'll always choose to play the victim.

Makes me very happy to be me!


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KRISTA987's Photo KRISTA987 SparkPoints: (30,293)
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10/7/13 12:59 P

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only time for one story right now....

my ex bf told me once "you know, I would marry you if you lost some weight". It took me a minute to realize what he actually just said, until I finally responded "you know, if you really loved me, it wouldn't matter what I looked like" and he did not hesitate for one moment and replied "you would think that, wouldn't you....."
His father HATED me because of how I looked like and gave him a hard time about me the entire time we were together (9 years). Even going as far as trying to start fights between us and break us up.
I had a lot of issues back then and didn't have the courage to leave him until about 7 years after all that. I try not to hate myself for it, but I was young and scared and alone and had nowhere else to go.


No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everybody on the couch.


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ROSEPETAL80's Photo ROSEPETAL80 Posts: 546
10/3/13 5:05 A

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When I was un junior high, my mother had given me a purple winter coat. When we would wait outside before the bell rang my "friend" would dance around me and call me a grape. It got to the point that I would take the coat off when I got to school and just froze outside rather than her pick on me. (although, the just found something else to make fun of.)


��Jolene

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8th goal: 230.9 lbs
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LJRW170's Photo LJRW170 SparkPoints: (19,013)
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10/2/13 1:35 P

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When I was a kid (and not fat btw, just bigger boned) one of my distant cousins that I went to school with would pick on me with his friends. When they saw me coming, they would start beeping, and then say "oversized load". Even crazier is that he was at the time a really fat guy, yet he picked on me. I still won't be around him.

Also, about 3 years ago, my 3 y/o nephew came up to me and put his finger on my stomach, and asked if there was a baby in there. It's funny, but at the same time hurt, because it was just fat, and also breaks my heart because I want "there to be a baby in there".

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OXIMORON's Photo OXIMORON Posts: 11
9/5/13 7:25 A

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The last comment that really hurt my feelings was about 6 months ago or so. I live abroad and though I've been here for two years I still struggle with the language, and this was one of those times I wish I DIDN'T understand...

I was crossing the street and a group of boys nearby shouted, basically the equivalent of: Girl, you got some fat ass!

I just kept walking and pretended I didn't hear. Most of the time people here are so nice and friendly, but alas... there's always a few that spoil the pot.

Edited by: OXIMORON at: 9/5/2013 (07:25)
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CORALINE01's Photo CORALINE01 Posts: 313
9/3/13 8:59 P

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i felt great relief putting it out what my MIL said. i was able to get it off my shoulders. keeping things bottled up may be how some people deal with things. telling a shrink, a group therapy, writing in a journal or writing in group on line journal is a perfectly healthy way of dealing. i have had a couple chuckles reading posts here. not laughing at but laughing with, because i have been there.
dear jamie, let it out, what is bothering you?

Marriage isn’t like a tray of hors d'oeuvres. You can’t just pick what you fancy; you’ve got to take the lot or nothing. – Cary Grant, The Grass Is Greener

“Fairy tales, are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated.” — G.K. Chesterton


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JAMIEJOYNER's Photo JAMIEJOYNER SparkPoints: (18,866)
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9/3/13 5:17 P

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This is a depressing Sticky post. We have all been called horrible names and had horrible stuff done to us but I don't feel the need to rehash all of that. I think that if we are trying to live a positive and healthy lifestyle then having something like this is counterproductive. Having a thread about all the bad things that have happened or the names you have been called is definitely not healthy.
I think this needs to be taken down but I have no authority on that subject. We just need to be lifting each other up instead reminding everyone of trauma.

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JUNKDRAWER Posts: 1,067
8/12/13 12:40 A

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Elementary school during the "Refridgerator Perry" era of football. There was a pack of girls that would holler "boom-bada-boom" like the sports announcers did any time they'd see me walking anywhere.

I was flying for a family emergency a few weeks ago, and I'm pretty sure the guy next to me was taking my picture (pretending like he was taking his but the camera angle was NOT just on him), considering his buddy got kicked off the plane for being rude, I'm assuming he was texting something about the fat person he was next to on the plane. Wish I would have had the courage to do something snarky and obvious to let him know I knew what he was doing.






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SHERRYWILSON's Photo SHERRYWILSON Posts: 2,596
7/19/13 4:40 P

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It's hard to lose weight when you have other obstacles in your life depression anxiety and add OCD (avoidance) disorder in my case I hate this part I wished I could flip my OCD switch and add to be normal my social phobia has gotten better I'm working now I'm not afraid of people as bad as I was then I had heart palpitations and paranoia very bad thoughts of what might happen

I do the best I can from now on my life is mine I want to be a healthy nana I can only control that I'm back And I'm doing the done girl and I am going to be a turbo fire hottie with the blazing blue team i am a positive thoghtful person who cares about others And my family sherry wilson


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DIVA711's Photo DIVA711 Posts: 319
6/16/13 5:23 P

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I have heard it all. My last name is Albert ....so you know "Fat Albert", Big Bertha, Aretha Franklin , Two Tons of Fun. My boyfriend at one time attempted to withhold affection from me until I lost weight. However, I am a diva and a beauty, as my screen name suggests. I have worked in the beauty for about 18 years, and eventually created my own line of natural beauty products. I will be the face of my own company, regardless of my size. My weight loss is more about living and being healthy than it is about being seen with someone. I have the goals to lose weight, become a mommy by next year, finish my masters and doctorate degrees, and build my beauty empire. Wishing everyone the best.

But my mother always said the best way to get even is to succeed.... emoticon

Edited by: DIVA711 at: 6/16/2013 (17:25)
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit.”
– Aristotle

Co-Leader of Spark Team Detroit Area Divas!!!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp


Tamika


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HONEYCART07's Photo HONEYCART07 Posts: 74
5/29/13 1:54 P

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Wow where to start. In elemantary school I was called tug boat, in high school I was thrown into a trash can and to told to stay with the other trash where I belonged. and as an adult my first husbands mother said to him then he so nicely passed the information on to me are you sure you really could a love a woman of her size. His response was to say well we are going to change that. I have been told you would be pretty if you lost weight and that nobody would want me because nobody wants a fat girl. Let's just say growing up sucked adulthood has sucked but it doesn't define me. I am a wonderful person and no amount of words or your stupid opinions makes me who I am. I do have to admit the hardest was hearing my 9 year old this year say something that hurt. We were talking about good choices when eating and why we need to eat healthy and he said yes so I don't get fat like you mommy. I knew he didn't know how much it hurt, but that was very hard.

Woman on a Mission to be Healthy & Happy!!!!


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ANGELBETH76's Photo ANGELBETH76 Posts: 689
5/16/13 11:19 A

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So sorry for all the pain everyone has been caused
emoticon to you all
Remember your opinion is the one that matters!
The most inspirational thing I have done is making a video of my life and dreams for The Biggest Loser and making a picture collage of me through the years with a current "all out there" body shot. Everytime I watch the video and look at the pics... I'm newly inspired.
Love to all
emoticon

Psalm 17:15 As for me I will behold thy face in righteousness I shall be satisfied when I awake with thy likeness. KJV


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VERSESTHATHURT's Photo VERSESTHATHURT SparkPoints: (27,734)
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5/16/13 10:11 A

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You have such a pretty face... if you'd just lose a few pounds.

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JESUS.SAVED.ME's Photo JESUS.SAVED.ME Posts: 1,531
5/15/13 5:35 P

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My brother recently asked me how he and my other brother (both skinny and eat like horses!) could help me. Good intentions. He said, what should I say when I see you eating Wendy's that's going to help you?

Why do you need to say anything at all???? It isn't like I don't know!

Crystal from Vancouver, B.C.

"You're on the line between breaking point and breaking through"


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ANGELBETH76's Photo ANGELBETH76 Posts: 689
5/13/13 2:54 P

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My nickname in elementary school, probably starting at 4th or 5th grade, was Betsy the Cow. I hate the name Betsy. I won't even let anyone call me nicknames since then. I wasn't a toothpick, but I wasn't fat either. I've heard things since then, but nothing compares to being called names everyday when you go to school. I am thankful that I had God in my life and a great family though. I never once thought about suicide.... no way... not an option. Now it is time to empower myself though and change the one opinion that matters... the one I have of myself!

Psalm 17:15 As for me I will behold thy face in righteousness I shall be satisfied when I awake with thy likeness. KJV


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VANNOS32's Photo VANNOS32 SparkPoints: (10,132)
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5/13/13 12:24 P

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I blogged about something seriously insensitive that a lady said to me recently. It still bothers me, so I'm posting it here in hopes I will finally be done with it.
I work as a home health aide and was at my client's house. A lady who visits my client's wife brought donuts and offered me one. I said no thank you and maybe later because I needed to both be polite and feed my client his lunch (by the way, I don't like donuts and never have). This lady then said that I had like three years to lose the weight before my wedding (which, at the time, was 18 months away) and then proceeded to comment "weight comes and goes." It wasn't what she said as much as how she said it, in this really mocking and sarcastic tone.
Pretty sure she was only mocking me because she has given up on making healthy choices for herself, which is really sad.

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POEMFUL78 SparkPoints: (1,540)
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4/16/13 11:16 A

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hugs to all of you!


Edited by: POEMFUL78 at: 4/16/2013 (11:24)
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JESSERMOVICK's Photo JESSERMOVICK SparkPoints: (9,717)
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4/14/13 8:58 A

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Went to a sandwich shop, ordered a vegetarian sandwich- Lady behind the counter tells me to let her know how my diet works (never met the lady before in my life- but I MUST be on a diet to be this big and ordering a vegetarian sandwich!Right?)

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TRINA9's Photo TRINA9 SparkPoints: (17,976)
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4/13/13 11:54 A

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My mom when looking at photos of me as a kid "see, you weren't always fat!" It's like that is all she sees, she didn't mean to be cruel, but it was unfun.

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GOPHERGOLD SparkPoints: (1,384)
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4/9/13 11:51 A

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"Why do you care what you look like? You are already married." Love that it now doesn't matter to healthy. It isn't like I am looking for a man any more. Really??? Really, people.

MISTYLUNA's Photo MISTYLUNA SparkPoints: (1,111)
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4/4/13 4:26 P

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Kid to his mom at the store. "Why is she so fat?" Loud enough for me to hear and I'm pretty sure the other shoppers who where in the same aisle. emoticon emoticon

Edited by: MISTYLUNA at: 4/4/2013 (16:28)
Life is an adventure everyday, some people just don't see that.


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GIANNI26's Photo GIANNI26 SparkPoints: (3,658)
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3/28/13 5:36 P

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My Husband said..." you look good baby even at 300 plus pounds" Why couldn't I just look good :-(

Goal 1-350
Goal 2-330
Goal 3-300
Goal 4-285
Goal 5-270
*Gianni*


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DECE81's Photo DECE81 SparkPoints: (588)
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3/27/13 5:12 P

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My grandma- "You have such a pretty face, you would be so beautiful if you just lost that weight"

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SUEBRAVERMAN's Photo SUEBRAVERMAN Posts: 12
3/26/13 12:51 P

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That's happened to me too. These poor excuses of people obviously weren't raised right.

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KANGA423's Photo KANGA423 SparkPoints: (1,559)
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3/19/13 9:53 P

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I am so sorry that you had to go through this! No one should have to suffer through a situation like this. There are many times when I have also avoided situations because of small minded people. It has lead me to believe that this is a hard enough journey and world without having someone elses issues on top of my own. Forget him! Eventually word will get around and he won't have any patients!

"Words of wisdom should be ways of wisdom"
-Arrested Development


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WENDYM29's Photo WENDYM29 SparkPoints: (2,765)
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2/28/13 2:12 P

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I have been overweight since 5th grade and have heard several names, but one really sticks out. About two years ago, I went to a gynecologist about a problem I was having. This was the first and last time I went to this Dr. My previous ob gyn was not on my new insurance. Anyway, I tell the dr about my problem and he goes on an on about my weight. Yes, I know that my weight contributes to many of my health problems and that a dr should point this out, but with tact. This dr called me huge. He held up his hands and said your ovaries are only this big and you are THIS BIG. When he said this big he over emphasized the words and held out his arms as far as he could. He told me he would expect anyone of my large size to have the same problem. I did not think this was true, but was so upset by this experience that I just dealt with my problem for another year until I needed my next yearly check up. Of course, I went to a different ob gyn. She asked why I had not addressed my problem sooner and I told her about my experience with the other dr without naming names. She asked me if it was a certain dr and it was the one she asked. She told me he was a jerk and that women come in all shapes and sizes. She also fixed my problem and said that it could be effected by my weight, that weight is not the only cause.

Wendy

Done Girl


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UPTOWNGRL1105's Photo UPTOWNGRL1105 SparkPoints: (2,058)
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2/25/13 8:09 P

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Recently, my brother (375 lb man) and I took our daughters to preschool. My neice's favorite little fella saw my brother and says as his jaw drops, "WOW, look at the fat guy!" My heart dropped for my brother, but it is funny now.

Me, however, I so wonderfully got Mooed at on Saturday while I was at work. I remember when I got whistled at, now...mooed. I was so embarrassed and it was only me that heard it.

Sometimes I wonder how I got here.

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XSCAPEREALITY82's Photo XSCAPEREALITY82 SparkPoints: (4,016)
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2/24/13 12:08 P

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The ones that always hurt are when I'm in a grocery story and a little kid walks by and makes a comment to his mom, Wow, that lady is really fat. Or she's so fat. The mom always tries to shush him and move along but it still stings. I know the kids do not mean to but those are the ones that always get me.

I've always been overweight, ever since I can remember. However, growing up, I had a lot of self confidence and never really saw myself as overweight. It wasn't until I got married that I realized I had a weight problem. I remember we started talking about having kids and I said I wanted to wait until I'd lost some weight. About a week later, I went to get a candy bar while we were standing in line and he said, it's either the candy bar or the kids. I know he didn't mean it to be hurtful but I just cried the rest of the day.

Most recently, it wasn't a comment that was made to me but a thought I had. Yesterday, my husband went over to some new friend's house to help them move. I ended up passing on going because I don't want to be an embaressment to him for having a wife that is so overweight. I knew I would not be able to move very much or help out very much. It made me really sad but I think it really also made me see that if I don't change the path I'm on, I'm just going to be stuck inside my house all day.

Elizabeth "Ebee"

"No matter how far you have gone down a wrong road, turn back." (Peruvian Proverb)



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BUTERFLIKISES's Photo BUTERFLIKISES SparkPoints: (1,312)
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2/20/13 11:08 A

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I took my son to a school event, and his friends were like, "hey man what's up?" He kind of blew them off. I told him that they could sit with us, and he said, "It's okay mom, I will just see them at school." I asked him why he didn't want me to meet his friends and he said becasue they look like that and I look like me. Honestly, at first I was confused but after I thought about it for a minute, I looked at him and asked, "You don't want me to meet your friends because I am fat?", and he replied with, "Well kinda mom, I mean I am thin and well you are like you."

I had been made fun of a lot growing up because I had breasts too early, and I was chubby. I had a calcium deposit on my teeth and made fun of for that. Even my parents were critics, but I had never been so hurt or even embarrassed in my whole life until my 14yr old said that to me. I didn't raise my children to talk to people like that, least of all me, but here it was.

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TRACY-M's Photo TRACY-M SparkPoints: (7,681)
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2/7/13 9:05 A

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Yesterday when I was helping my six year old clean her bedroom she got mad at me. Like all kids do she retaliated by saying "You're chubby". It was like she slapped me across the face. It made me so sad and hurt. I told her its not nice to say things like that. Told her it's like being rude and calling someone an idiot or a jerk. I don't think she understands but it still hurt a lot. :(

~*~ Every failure gives you a new chance to achieve. ~*~


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RAYNABATTLE's Photo RAYNABATTLE Posts: 114
2/3/13 11:13 A

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emoticon
I've just got to give major kudos to CRIT524 for starting this thread! What a positive way to let go of something that's hurt everyone here at some point.

emoticon
I read these hurtful experiences with my mouth open or tears in my eyes, but I must say, it helps to know that you guys can relate!

I'm sure I'll post more than once over time, but this experience was the first one in a long time that just got under my skin for a long time.

The last time I tried to get healthy (spring 2012), I lost a whopping 12 pounds. Yes, for me, it was awesome, but realistically, when you weigh 250, people don't notice if you've lost 12 measly pounds. So I went to an event where a friend of my sister's saw me. As the group I was sitting in eventually started discussing weight and health, I casually mentioned I'd lost a few pounds - but I never actually said how many. This friend begins gushing, "Oh you look GREAT! You look so different! You're SO much thinner! You know, until just now I wasn't even sure I was talking to YOU! I thought I was talking to your sister! You look EXACTLY like her now! I can't even tell you two apart!" ...and on and on. It was soooo over-the-top that the whole group eventually stopped talking to listen to her excited chatter. At the time, I weighed about 108 pounds MORE than my sister, not to mention, I'm 13 years older than she is! So her overly effusive compliments were transparently fake and just.... embarrassing. When she finally stopped, everyone was quiet, and avoided looking at me. Then, with her face bright red, she excused herself, and the group went on talking about other things.

Now, I KNOW that she wasn't trying to embarrass me or be ridiculous. But it was so humiliating for me for so many reasons.

"Wake up and LIVE."
Bob Marley

"Everything you read on the Internet is absolutely true."
Abraham Lincoln

"Wow, I really regret that workout."
No one ever.


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SAMMYLUVS3DD's Photo SAMMYLUVS3DD SparkPoints: (6,930)
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1/13/13 8:31 P

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Let's see. So many awful things have been said to me. Lol. I developed really young and tried to hide my breasts and curves(when NO other girls but the teachers had them) with big oversized t shirts and such. Yeah, that didnt work, they just made me look way bigger than I was.

*classmate sniffs air repeatedly* 'is that bacon cooking? No? Oh wait, that is Sam's thighs rubbing together!" (this was in middle school btw)

"can fat people even have sex? I mean, arent all your private areas covered in fat?"

"You are what we call a 'practice girl' You are good enough to have sex with and practice being nice too, but too big to actually love or show off to friends and family"

"maybe a salad for a change would be nice"

"you would be gorgeous if you lost about 50lbs. I mean, you would literally have to beat the men coming after you off with a stick" (this was said and has been repeatedly said by someone who I called a friend. Needless to say, we arent that close any longer)

"you are pretty for a big girl"

"you have an amazing voice (I sing karaoke and such), too bad you arent marketable. You understand right? Try again after you drop about 100 lbs"



I am sure I will be back on here later to vent, but these are all I can rememeber right now. Lol




Sam

The life I love is the one I lead, it gets crazy but thats fine by me-3 Doors down

My mistakes do not define me now, they just tell me who I'm not-3 Doors Down

I dont care what you think as long as its about me-Fall Out Boy


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WINGLESS98465's Photo WINGLESS98465 Posts: 389
1/8/13 2:54 P

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Last night, one of my semi-regulars came into work. I had spotted a shirt on the floor that was super-cute, but a size small. However, it was a really stretchy fabric, and I was curious how far off I was from wearing it. It would have been very appropriate for work, and I wanted to try it on. It was sitting next to my register, as I got called up to ring before having a chance to try it on on my next break. She saw it and asked if someone was going to get it. I grinned and said "well, I was going to try it on, just to see, but if you like it, go try it on!" (I *ALWAYS* give customers first shot). She gave me this "LOOK" and proceeded to tell me all the various reasons why it wouldn't fit me. "You realize this is an EXTRA small, right?" "If you like REALLY TIGHT clothes" "You're going to have issues around the waist (Whatever - my bust is WAY bigger than my waist, even at my size - jealous much?)" "If you really wanna try it, I guess, but I really don't think it will fit you"

Two things:

1. I'd ALREADY said go try it on. She could've just said "Thanks, awesome" and done so. There was NO REASON to list why she would fit it SOOOOO much better than me.

2. SHE'S NOT THAT MUCH SMALLER THAN ME!!! I'm wearing a size 16 right now, and can *almost* squeeze into a 14. I've sold her clothing. She's a 12. She also wears clothing that is *way* too tight for her, and frankly, never looks all that great.

Regardless of size, how the clothes fit means a lot. So does tact. She really pissed me off.

- Canada/Wingless

Team Co-Leader for www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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Spring HLC Team Rainbow!

"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours." - Illusions

"Don't believe in yourself. Believe in [me] who believes in you!" - Gurren Lagan

"I will not Break. I will not Quit. I will do what I need to do today to be healthier tomorrow." - my mantra when things get tough.


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1/1/13 11:14 A

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I have a few comments that I'd like to drop off here and hopefully gain some relief from.

1. My in-laws are always the worst for comments, with my father-in-law being the front-runner. I went to church with him and as we are saying our hello's and shaking hands with members of the congregation, he is telling everyone that I'm his "bodyguard" and to "look at the size of her arms", like I'm some hulk of a man. I am not a man, and just because I am fat doesn't mean I am going to be bulldozing people for your short A. I wanted to tell him that while I can always lose weight, he can never make himself grow, no matter how much he waters himself.

2. My mother-in-law will buy a shirt and then bring it out in front of me and stretch it and say, "this is wayyyyyy to big on me, it would fit you though, you can have it." The B is 5'1" and 185 pounds, so she has a lot of room to talk about other people's weight.

3. My mother-in-law has told me that I need to "stop snacking on those chips", meanwhile she buys bags of puffin corn and eats the whole bag.

What makes people think it's okay to tell someone else not to do something that they are doing themselves? Ugh.

4. My father-in-law is always making fun of people. This one day, we were staying at his house for the holidays and they didn't have a lot of money to buy groceries for the week, so he was hungry and she didn't have anything to feed him. I had bought our own food while we were there and I started to share some with my father-in-law, until he started talking about the elephant on television. When I looked to see (thinking that maybe it was african elephants), I found that he was talking about a woman on a show. Needless to say, I thought to myself, he can friggin starve, and I put the food away. If he is going to be that nasty to people when he can't even afford food for himself, then he deserves to go hungry.

If you're tired of starting over... stop giving up!
You can't reach for anything new if your hands are filled with yesterday's junk.
No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.
Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.
The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.
Insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result.


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LOLATURTLE's Photo LOLATURTLE Posts: 369
11/20/12 11:09 A

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Oh I want to hug you all! So many of these are SO FAMILIAR to me.

I had a similar experience to someone a few pages back - I got chubby in preparation for getting my lady curves, and very early. I was one of the earliest to go through puberty, but my classmates didn't know that they just saw me as a fatty. They used to chase me around the playground (maybe ~3rd grade?) singing that awful song "Baby Beluga", about a baby whale. Har dee har har. I still hate that song.

Some distant family member came up to me at my SIL's baby shower and was like "so you're the one who's pregnant, right? [MIL]'s daughter in law?" me: "Actually it's her daughter, [name] who is pregnant." her: "Oh."

Yeah, no, it's cool, don't apologize or anything, hahahaha.

I think my best comment ever was from a coworker last year. He asked me if I'd ever considered bariatric surgery. He's a retired MD, and has had the surgery himself, so that wasn't SO bad. I just politely explained that it wasn't for me at this particular time in my life.

I have no judgement towards people who have the surgery. Nothing about having all my internal organs rearranged sounds even remotely like "the easy way" to me!!! I just think, I really haven't "tried everything" and had it not work, I can certainly try harder. And I'm only 31 and able-bodied, I do have time before my metabolism slows down, and I CAN exercise.

Anyway, after I answered HE ARGUED WITH ME!!!! "You REALLY should consider it. Just keep it in mind." I mean WOW.

I think asking a coworker if they've considered bariatric surgery is inappropriate workplace conversation, but for this particular coworker I understand why he asked. The rude part was insisting that I "keep it in mind." GEE THANKS.

Here's my all-purpose comeback for people who ask if I'm pregnant, why I'm so fat, what I eat, whatever:

"What an interesting thing to say to a complete stranger."

Say this as coldly as you need to.

Also works as "What an interesting thing to say to a coworker."

I'm really fortunate that my parents have never harped on me or been mean about my weight. They only brought it up once. My dad called me to say they were worried about me, for my health, and the only reason he brought it up was if there was anything I wanted to do, anything that would help me get healthy that I wasn't doing because of the cost, that they would be happy to pay for it. It made me cry, because it made it real to me that I was obese, not just "kinda heavy", and it was sweet that they just wanted to help. They paid for weight watchers for me for a while.

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BIGGUYMD's Photo BIGGUYMD Posts: 31
11/16/12 10:33 P

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I've got a good one simply for the audacity of the person who made the comment and the context in which it was made.

As a part of our residency training, we have supervisors who give us extensive evaluations for our psychotherapy skills- and one of these supervisors, with whom I was getting along very well for a 1 year period, wrote the following as the "additional comments" area on my evaluation after giving me stellar marks on every category:

"Patrick's morbid obesity is an issue he has to address as it will off-putting to future patients. He should work on building a healthier lifestyle, he's too good of a clinician to lose."

The fact that this comment is now in my permanent PROFESSIONAL file is just beyond me... I could have addressed this with my program supervisors, but I didn't want to even bring it up again. If she had made this comment to me verbally, in private, maybe I could have derived some genuine concern behind it- but not like this. Unbelievable

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MDKM80's Photo MDKM80 SparkPoints: (7,273)
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10/26/12 1:56 P

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Oh where to begin, from being a kid and being called Texas big butt, to an adult being called fatty!! What sticks out in my mind the most is when I was on lunch break one day at work I skipped lunch and went to get supplies for the office. A young girl and her mom were in the same isle as I was and the kid no older than 7 piped up and said 'mom that lady has a huge bum' and the mom said 'i know now hush up'. Then when I took the family to Wendy's a few months ago a couple of punk teenage boys yelled out the window 'Hey fatty, you have a choice, oink oink' at me. Sad thing is I only had half a burger and a drink. I'm known to my daughters school friends as 'your fat mom'

--Mel--

Taking my days one pound at a time! I'm being the change I want to see in myself!


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WICCANWIDGET's Photo WICCANWIDGET SparkPoints: (2,245)
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10/25/12 2:54 P

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Wow were to begin. I have been heavy since I was about 3. My mother had a rough pregnancy with my little brother and we spend hours sitting and making crafts rather than playing outside or even running around inside. She also craved cookies, lots and lots and lots of cookies. She made about 3 dozen a day! So I have heard it all my life. Everything from Thunder Thighs, Fatty, Pilsbury dough woman, etc. I am sure you have all heard them. I think what had hurt the most is that the woman who gave birth to me was overweight most my life, but never admitted that she had a problem but would poke fun at me. To this day, she will buy me clothes 2 and 3 sizes to big and expect me to wear them. Then she would comment on how my clothes never fit right or complains that I don't wear the clothes that she bought.



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ROLLTIDEYALL74's Photo ROLLTIDEYALL74 SparkPoints: (3,836)
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10/19/12 3:00 P

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When I was pregnant with my daughter I was in the floor of their living room unwrapping a gift my mother's sunday school class had gotten me. My father (who has always been obsessed with weight) told me that they would have to get a tow truck to get me up out of the floor... at the time I was 50lbs lighter than I am now. I rarely go home to visit them now that I'm so heavy, I can't stand the criticism.

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ROSEPETAL80's Photo ROSEPETAL80 Posts: 546
10/19/12 5:43 A

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We were visiting my in-laws who have an INCREDIBLY small bathroom (I think it used to be a closet). I was washing my hands with the door open and I heard my step-daughter (who was 3 at the time) tell me "Wow, Jolene, you have a BIG highnee!" (rear end) I didn't fault her, she was only 3 but I was so embarrassed.

Of course this comes from the same child who asked me "where did you get the big boobies" when she saw me in my wedding dress (gotta love a good bra)

��Jolene

5% at a time goals

Current Weight: 348


1st goal: 330.6 lbs
2nd goal: 314 lbs
3rd goal: 298.4 lbs
4th goal: 283.4 lbs
5th goal: 269.2 lbs
6th goal: 255.8 lbs
7th goal: 243 lbs
8th goal: 230.9 lbs
9th goal: 219.4 lbs
10th goal: 208.4 lbs
11th goal: 198 lbs (Onederland!)




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UTOPIASTARS's Photo UTOPIASTARS Posts: 33
10/1/12 1:00 A

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Last week I went to the hospital to arrange payment for a recent ER visit. A woman wearing scrubs passed by me and OINKED. First I was stunned, because she's supposed to be some kind of health care professional, right? Then I just laughed. Was almost sad nobody was around to witness her make a complete ass of herself.

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ULISED's Photo ULISED Posts: 130
9/19/12 4:52 P

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One day several years ago I was in a Publix grocery store buying cupcakes for my daughter to take to school for her birthday. I had two 12 count packages of bakery cupcakes (they come in the clear plastic containers) in my hands and nothing else. As I stood in line, a man came up behind me to get in line as well. Without preamble, he says, "Got quite a few cupcakes there, huh?" I thought he was just pleasantly chatting, so I said, "They're for my daughter's class; it's her birthday". He sarcastically says "Yeah, right... likely story. You keep telling yourself that."
WTF?!!!!!! What was the point in saying that to me? Did this guy think he's helping me by "calling me out"; like some kind of Fat Girl Intervention? Does this moron actually think 'that fat woman is going to eat all those cupcakes! I must shame her into reforming her gluttonous ways!'
Obviously, I was instantly pissed. I did not know what I should say. I know what I wanted to say. 'I may be fat, but I can lose weight. You will always be short, bald, and ugly... inside and out.' But I am one of those people who has possible scenarios as results of my actions run through my head. And none of them turned out well because I would have been responding in extreme anger. So, of course, I didn't say that. I just ignored him.
I don't understand what makes someone think it's acceptable to talk to someone else like that. Within a matter of seconds, this man judged me and decided that I must be getting all those cupcakes to eat them myself because I'm fat. But it wasn't his judgement of me that really bothers me because people can think whatever they want. And I would never have known had he the decency to keep his opinion to himself. I understand that people make snap judgements; it's sometimes automatic. But a compassionate, self-aware person will not immediately comment on these usually unfounded opinions.
But to tell you the truth, it's not what that man said to me that has bothered me all these years. It's not standing up for myself. I should have told him he was being very rude and assuming. Because he has more than likely done the same thing to someone else. It makes me sad that some people are so cruel.

Edited by: ULISED at: 9/19/2012 (16:55)
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
- Thomas A. Edison

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
- James A. Garfield


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HEALTHYAGER's Photo HEALTHYAGER SparkPoints: (7,406)
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9/11/12 10:58 A

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I had the good fortune to marry a great guy, far outside my "pay grade" if you will. He fell in love with me despite the fat, the self esteem issues, etc etc etc. It's always been this terrible inner thought, "I don't deserve this man." ...but it was just that, an INNER thought, that no one including me EVER voiced aloud. Until recently that is.... Hubby and I went to the market about 2 weeks ago, I was in the produce area looking over some heads of lettuce and hubby and moved down about 10 feet and was picking up some salad items. These two women came up, and saw my husbads, sans kids as they were in school that day...and began hitting on him....he looked really uncomfortable, and I came over, placed the lettuce in the cart...and he put his arm around my shoulders. The women (probably in their mid to late 20s) turned around and one said to the other REALLY loudly, I mean loud enough for an elderly gentleman nearly across the entire produce section to hear her... "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT HOTTIE DOING WITH THAT FAT COW?!" The other woman, just as loudly replied, "SHE MUST HAVE MONEY, WHY ELSE WOULD HE TOUCH THAT UGLY HAG." I wanted to drop dead. I grabbed my purse, and left the store without any of the food, while those two women LAUGHED at me and my husband ran after me to try to calm me down.

Worst day of my life, but I took something from it. I no longer say even in my head that I don't deserve him.

Anaïs Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”


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BLBRADSHAW04's Photo BLBRADSHAW04 SparkPoints: (720)
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9/10/12 11:45 P

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I have heard so many things over my lifetime about my weight, but what hurts is my 9 year old son says he is afraid to get fat because kids pick on him at school since I am fat. I weigh in at 306 lbs but I am over 6ft tall, that is big for a woman. I think most of the torment that my son is receiving is coming from this particular boy he tells my son "your mom is as big as the Grand Canyon", I think it is because the boy is embarrassed as well about his mom, she looks as if she weighs as much if not more than me but she is about 5 ft tall maybe a few inches taller. But I hate that my son is starving himself, so fixated on weight, and doing damage to his health, just because of this boy.

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LIZIEBEAN's Photo LIZIEBEAN Posts: 30
9/4/12 4:15 P

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When I was a kid there was a man that died and had to be cut out of his house after he passed and my dad ended up saying "if you don't stop gaining weight that will be you someday." I know it wasn't meant as a slam but being told something like that when your struggling already really wasn't helpful.


Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.


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ATHEN18 SparkPoints: (71)
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9/3/12 9:56 A

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This one came from my "darling" husband. (dripping sarcasm)

Told me that he didn't understand why I couldn't lose weight fast because the girl at his work lost all her weight super fast & now is wanting to be a fitness model. And he just thinks she is absolutly amazing because once she decided to do it, her weight just melted off, she also runs 5ks and marathons & wins.

Well hip hip hooray for her! I don't want or need to hear why you think someone is better at losing weight then me. Rrrrrrrr. Wanted to tell him that she doesn't have a husband or kid to take care of, that everyone loses weight differently, that she was not what I would consider overweight (I probably had 100 lbs more to lose), & she's much younger then me. I can deal with strangers & family memebers comments but when he does it. Wow! Anger, hurt, frustration....then a constant struggle to stay out of the kitchen because what's better when your upset then a large bowl of pasta.

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LISAMARIEM421 Posts: 12
8/30/12 7:27 A

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Oh yes, she was chastised by her father for her rude comments. Normally she is a very nice child, and she treats other children at school very well. I don't get to spend alot of time with her as I work 40 hours a week and most of it is in the afternoon and evenings, so by the time I get home she is already in bed sleeping. Her father has done most of the raising with her, but she inherited her mother's smart mouth and attitude, cuz I don't take nothing from nobody! She is doing a better about keeping her comments to herself, and she is actually watching some of the videos saying that this move or that move looks kinda cool and she would like to try it. All of us in my house are overweight, so I have been trying to instill in her that working out is a good thing. I think she is finally catching on to it.

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CORALINE01's Photo CORALINE01 Posts: 313
8/28/12 9:05 P

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i hope you didn't let your daughters comment go unchecked. she needs to know how hurtful that was and make sure she doesn't do that to some poor kid at school.

i got mine tonight. it was a first so i'm pretty lucky that way. some stupid punk kids yelled something out their car window as i was passing on my bike. i know they were stupid because you cant hear anything when they are going 50 mph the other way.

Marriage isn’t like a tray of hors d'oeuvres. You can’t just pick what you fancy; you’ve got to take the lot or nothing. – Cary Grant, The Grass Is Greener

“Fairy tales, are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated.” — G.K. Chesterton


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LISAMARIEM421 Posts: 12
8/28/12 9:46 A

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I would like to add a something in here just to be a part of the conversation really, LOL. I am actually a very lucky person I believe. I've read alot of the posts in this thread, and not alot of that stuff happens to me. Yes, I am very overweight and I know that. But for the longest time I was comfortable with my body. I knew that it was bad for my health and all of that, but I still get up every morning and do the things around my house, and work 40 hours a week and take care of my family. I work as a clerk in a gas station, so even on a slow day I come face to face with at least 100 different people. Now that being said, most of the people I see are regulars that come in everyday and they know me. Some are really good friends of mine. I have a great and wonderful personality that draws people in to speak to me, and I am confident enough in myself and my body to look these people in the eye. But, on to the *they said what?* which is really the topic of this. When I decided to start losing weight about 3 weeks ago, I didn't have SP. I only had myself, my youtube, and my daughter's Just Dance game on the Wii. One morning after breakfast (because school hadn't started yet) my daughter was laying on the couch watching tv while I stood in front of the computer doing some exercises off of youtube that I found. I was working out my abs and I was doing this twirling hip motion. My daughter started laughing at me and said "You look really stupid, maybe you shouldn't be doing that." I told her it was part of the workout to tone up my abs so they get flat as I lose the weight. She laughed again and said that she just couldn't be in the same room with me anymore because she didn't want to watch me be stupid with myself. That was the first time in a long time I have actually felt pain over my weight. I shooed her out of the room, but I continued to workout. Now I just make sure she's not around, because personally, I'm going to do this. I need to do this for myself and even tho she doesnt get it, for her too. My husband on the other hands LOVES watching me workout. He says it drives him wild when I get all sweaty and shake my booty. So for me, problem solved, and really, having him give me those *bedroom* eyes after I'm done makes every calorie burned totally worth it.

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KALIKA!'s Photo KALIKA! SparkPoints: (22,013)
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8/16/12 6:51 A

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I have a coworker who is very petite and always has been. She does exercise quite a bit & eats very healthy food, but she also has the kind of metabolism that lets her eat as much as she wants to without gaining weight. One night at work, she actually said to me "it's not hard to lose weight. You just eat healthy foods & exercise. I don't see why people make such a big deal about it". I just sat there thinking, "you have never had an extra pound on you in your entire life. You have no idea what you're talking about". So completely clueless.

Chris~

Original Starting Weight - 260 lbs. on July 18/2012

Short Term Goal
230 lbs. by Dec. 12/14

Long Term Goal
150 lbs. by Sept. 15/2015

"Never give up, never surrender!" - Galaxy Quest


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CORALINE01's Photo CORALINE01 Posts: 313
8/15/12 11:10 P

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lysteria,
isnt that crazy? as adults we know better, that a bunch of stupid teenage boys are just that, stupid. but it still sticks with us. i was afraid of teenagers for many years (even as a teenager, lol) but now that i am 37 i can look at these kids, and i say to myself, i am old enough to be your mother and they probably look at me the same. they dont know that i am or am not confident of who i am.
so walk in there like the woman you are!

Marriage isn’t like a tray of hors d'oeuvres. You can’t just pick what you fancy; you’ve got to take the lot or nothing. – Cary Grant, The Grass Is Greener

“Fairy tales, are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated.” — G.K. Chesterton


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SSCHLAMAN SparkPoints: (627)
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8/15/12 3:47 P

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Ashlie224 That is one word AWEFUL!

I seem to really garner insults too. At my heaviest I weighed 321. Two teenagers said I looked like a Buhda. Another time when I was pregnant and 274 a couple said so loud that I am sure everyone heard it especially my daughter that If his girlfriend got as fat as me he would dump her. I thought that she being a woman would have some class and would say something in my defense but she laughed and said she would hope so! But the worst is when this man at work tells me once a week about this friend of a friend that he knows that was as fat as me with a big butt lost so much weight by using a machine that jiggles her. All I want to say it MYOB

Think you can or think you can't, either way you will be right- Henry Ford


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LYSTERIA75's Photo LYSTERIA75 SparkPoints: (7,215)
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8/15/12 2:52 P

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It's been 23 years or so since this happened, but it still hurts when I remember and I've spent my adulthood trying to walk lightly and blend in to the background because of it. In high school, my freshman and sophomore years, there was a group of guys that would follow behind me in the halls calling out in unison while they stomped their feet, "BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM". I was mortified every time it happened. I would carry as many books in my backpack as it would hold so I didn't have to go to my locker between classes and risk them finding me. I know that teachers must have seen them at least a few times, because they did it at least 8-15 time each week, but no one ever did anything to stop it. I was so relieved when I was able to transfer to a different school at mid-term of 10th grade, but I never have been able to get rid of my anxiety of being around groups of teenage boys.

--Karen

The first step to resisting temptation is wanting to.
SP Coach Tanya
If you want to change your body, you must first change your mind.
You are only capable of what you believe you can achieve.
SP Coach Nicole


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BY-HIS-GRACE's Photo BY-HIS-GRACE Posts: 209
8/1/12 10:57 P

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Started walking again tonight and as my son and I walked along someone yelled something out the window... grrrrr

Just keep swimming...


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7/31/12 11:19 A

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An old man came up to me at the gym last night with some unsolicited advise...that I should try chia seeds to lose weight, because they swell in your stomach and make you feel full. Thanks a lot guy, who has no idea what my eating habits are, or what my weight loss program is. I know he wasn't trying to be rude, and I'm sure he meant well, but jeeze......

I count him braver who overcomes his desires than he who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self.

~Aristotle~


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CORALINE01's Photo CORALINE01 Posts: 313
7/29/12 10:52 P

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the wounds are there and festering. especially since i just saw my mother in law tonight and she sprinkled a little salt on the wounds. i have plateaued after losing 53 pounds and she was so kind to point out that i havent lost anymore weight.

other times it's just funny (in a relief kind of way) to hear other peoples experiences.

burying painful experiences may be for some people why they/we/me are overweight to begin with.

Marriage isn’t like a tray of hors d'oeuvres. You can’t just pick what you fancy; you’ve got to take the lot or nothing. – Cary Grant, The Grass Is Greener

“Fairy tales, are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated.” — G.K. Chesterton


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MISALINDA's Photo MISALINDA SparkPoints: (22,235)
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7/29/12 11:22 A

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Having been overweight for 31 years and counting (Though on a downward trend), I have had too many hurts and insults to even remember.

But thinking back to them and releasing them does not make me feel better, it actually creates depression for me. I don't want to think about all the negative things people have said about/to me or things they have done to me because I am not what they see as beautiful. I know that I am beautiful, not "You'd be so pretty if you lost weight", but beautiful even in spite of all the extra fat. Thinking about those comments from idiots I have endured for so many years makes me feel ugly.

Do any of you actually feel better after rehashing these times that hurt you so badly? Am I the only one who can bury an insult with time and move on?

I can see talking about something that just happened to vent and get it out of your system, but not sitting around and remembering all the hurt. I'm not trying to be argumentative in any way, just trying to understand how picking at old wounds would make anyone feel better about the situation.

Edited by: MISALINDA at: 7/29/2012 (12:00)
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BRITCHES82's Photo BRITCHES82 Posts: 718
7/28/12 11:36 A

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Well I spent most of my life oblivious to the hurtful things that people say about me behind my back. I think it is a defense mechanism I developed over the years. I didn't actually hear the guy say "Go put some clothes on" as he drove by my apartment as I stood outside while my husband was setting out the trash. I was wearing a pair of short that I lounge around the house in. I would never go out in public in them because they are a little short. My husband heard what the guy said though and I wish I hadn't made him tell me. I am glad that he chunked a soup can that was sitting on top of the trash bag at the car though ;)

Brie

I'll do it better in my next 30 years!!


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SUPAHFAT160's Photo SUPAHFAT160 SparkPoints: (2,299)
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7/23/12 8:13 P

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I was called "a fat bitch" and "Jabba the Hut" from someone who was mad at me. .

*KIMBERLY*
HLC Holiday Challenge - TEAM SNOWMEN


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7/16/12 10:58 P

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Last night my son (5 yrs old) and I were watching a show about the Iron Man Triathlon in HI and I said something about really wanting to done one of those someday and he said, "Mommy, you can't, you're too fat" I just cried because he's right. I felt bad for crying in front of him because he was just telling the truth.

JOANG13's Photo JOANG13 Posts: 262
7/9/12 7:31 P

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Finishline - I would have replied Hey have you ever seen a donkey's butt ride a bike - no? Look at that guy in blue (or whatever) and then laugh. The thing is, we can lose weight, but those people will remain jerks.

Della - I understand that about some people saying that they lost weight quicker than me blah blah blah - but they cheated by using diet pills, surgery, etc. I have to hold it close to my heart that I'm doing it the right way - and I've seen those same people gain all the weight back and then some because they never changed the way that they think about what they put in their bodies...

My top ones: "why do I have to sit next to the fat girl?" - airplane, "you have such a wonderful personality" - aka, she's fat, I need to find something nice to say. Worse - "he must be a chubby chaser to be hanging around her" "you would be so much prettier if you lost weight"

Ugh! I shudder to think about all that I've heard.

Ang


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DELLAMALISA's Photo DELLAMALISA Posts: 9
7/9/12 12:30 P

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I hate it when a super skinny friend tells you , you couldnt tell you are that heavy! or you will never tighten up that skin when you lose weight. Or the fact that your family and friends say they support you and then a week later bring fast food in front of you, and ask you if you want some and say oh one hamburger will not hurt you! I personally believe my mother tries to sabotage me every step of the way! she has been obese most of her life and I tell her, mom I lost 5 lbs and she goes on to say I lost more than you and I wasn't even trying! and she forgets that she has had weight loss surgery! it hurts when you try and people try to undermine everything you do! emoticon

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CHRYSER869 Posts: 12
6/28/12 4:13 P

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Yes, people say hurtful things, if its not the weight then it would be something else. Hair, clothes, etc. Its important to not let these people to stop you from reaching your goal ( I know I have used every excuse in the book). I think part of my journey is to stop making excuses, stay focused, celebrate successes, and realize that there is not such thing as failure! You only fail if you give up trying,

Good Luck eveyone~

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6/20/12 1:15 P

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This thread has made me very grateful to have my husband in my life who is so supportive and loving. How sad and ugly that people who are family, "friends" , life partners have been so horrific to those they "love". I am wishing you all the best in your journey.

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CININTHECHICITY's Photo CININTHECHICITY Posts: 118
6/19/12 12:31 P

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My husband and I went for a bike ride on Saturday along the lakefront. Since it was the weekend and hot as heck, there were a TON of people there. Anywho...there we are enjoying the scenery and each others company when a group of young guys were standing around a beach volleyball post and I hear one of them say, "Hey guys, have you ever seen a whale ride a bike? Check out the b*tch in red"....

Luckily, my husband did not hear it, and I hung my head in shame the rest of the ride...trying hard to fight the tears and put on my happy face pretending nothing was wrong.

Why do people have to be so very crude?

Cindy
"Learn from yesterday, Live for today and Hope for tomorrow..."


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ANGOUDEAU SparkPoints: (1,055)
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6/12/12 1:51 A

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My family went camping over the weekend. Not being a big fan of nature myself, and having a one year old that I simply couldn't see being entertained with camping for an entire weekend, I agreed to drive up and spend a day with them. But when I arrived I spent the day outside, because my aunt and uncle absolutely did not want me in their RV because they were afraid I would break the steps while climbing them. I've never been so hurt and humiliated in my life. It is one thing to have strangers point, laugh and judge me, but family is supposed to love you. No matter what. Sometimes I wish I could just disappear.

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ISAHLIA's Photo ISAHLIA Posts: 1,358
6/9/12 4:23 P

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I think the most hurtful thing I've ever heard was when my now ex told me he would leave me if I got any fatter. Well I guess that tells you the state of our relationship at the time. Eventually he made some choices I couldn't live with so I left him. Here I had thought I was in a committed relationship with 2 children, and he couldn't get past my appearance. I guess he was trying to "help" but it totally sucked. When I was a kid I was pretty healthy and fit and I still had kids call me things like Thunder Thighs or Jelly Belly Kelly. (I totally didn't have a problem then) but it didn't matter, it still hurt. Kids can just be mean.

~Kelly
Team Co-Leader for 100+ pounds in 1 year:
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SWESTERGARD's Photo SWESTERGARD Posts: 8
6/5/12 10:11 A

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so... i really think that this is a good idea... having a place to spill all the hurts and stuff... i have been chubby my whole life pretty much so i have had a long time to get used to being overweight... probably the thing that hurts me the most from growing up overweight is the comments that my step dad used to make (he's my dad in every way but blood, him and my mom got together when i was 8 months old and i have never met my biological dad)... when i was really young like between 10 and 13 i would tell my mom that i wanted to loose weight but she would always tell me that i didn't need to loose any weight and that i would grow out of my "baby" weight... boy was she wrong lol... but my dad was the worse... he would get really drunk and call me a fat ass bitch pretty much every night... it was horrifiying and hurtful and to be honest it pissed me off... it got to the point where my weight (mind you i topped out at 185 in my teens so i wasn't that big and i was cute and perky and athletic so i carried the weight well) became a weapon to use against him... the bigger i was the happier i was because it meant that he didn't win the argument... especially since i was pretty popular and always had a boyfriend... just goes to show you that its not always about how others see you but is about how you see yourself... i didn't see myself as overweight... i saw myself as beautiful and popular and the more i saw myself as that the happier i was and the meaner he got...

these days i find myself at 280 instead of 180 and the weight is no longer a badge of honor... it has become a chain that binds me... i have a serious problem and am taking the steps to become healthier... i can't wait to be under 200 pounds again emoticon

Edited by: SWESTERGARD at: 6/5/2012 (10:22)
No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. ~~Eleanor Roosevelt


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CSHELL75's Photo CSHELL75 Posts: 905
5/28/12 10:21 A

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I went on a first date/meeting with someone in April that I had met online and had been getting to know for quite some time. We had been getting along great up to that point, and the first date/meeting went really well (or so I thought). I had posted up-to-date pics, including a full-body on my profile. And on the day he saw me, he actually said you're not as big as you think you are. (Strike one). Who says this? A couple days later, I sent him an online photo album, which goes all the way back to childhood. (I'm not ashamed of my journey. I was doing it to share memories). So it includes some pictures from when I was a "bombshell" (from age 15 to 23). He procedes to tell me that "I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but you need to do something about this. It's not like you've never been fit. You know what it is to be healthy. You've got to realize how hard that is on your body. I must admit that if I had met you back then, then I would have been all over you, but..." Now understand that we had made a pact to always tell the truth to each other, but there's a way to say everything. And he went on and on...I could hardly get a word in edge-wise. It's amazing how people act like you don't know you're obese. Really???? We live with it everyday, and we are well aware of the consequences of our over-eating. Now this guy and I have gone on to be great friends, actually the best of friends. But til this day, I'm saying to myself, "What would ever make him think it was okay to tell any woman what he told me." I acted like it just rolled off my back, but deep inside, that hurt like hell. I just didn't show it.

No weapon formed against me shall prosper. I'm ready to live a blessed and healthy life.


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MAMAJEET's Photo MAMAJEET SparkPoints: (3,856)
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5/22/12 12:46 P

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Mine was about 2 months ago. I have been trying to conceive with no positive result. My doctor sent me to a specialist and this was the the worst doctors experience i have ever had.
The doctor walked in and looked at me then sd why would you want a baby in the first place when your so huge! my husband and I were mortified with this comment and did not know what to say. then she sd to even look at thinking of having another baby I would have to loose at least 150 pounds. My husband then stated she had our first daughter at 200 pounds so that statement is untrue. All this doctor sd was then u two are lucky and you should not even have one child if you have always been overweight.
I left that office crying and my husband was so mad I had to drag him out.
I felt it was hopeless and no chance until I went back to my own doctor and he told me that was all wrong and he will work with me to ensure everything is done right.
My eyes still well up with tears when writing this.

MamaJeet


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CHUBALUBNOMORE's Photo CHUBALUBNOMORE SparkPoints: (6,397)
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5/6/12 9:44 P

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I had a client at work tell me that he could see how my physical appearance makes it difficult for me to date. He then followed it up with he was sure he could find someone who would be willing to take me out on a date. No thank you sir! I'm letting it go and I'm letting go of the weight. Can't wait until I see him again in a few months =)

Slow but Steady I'll stay the course


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CORALINE01's Photo CORALINE01 Posts: 313
4/29/12 6:18 P

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FACE BOOK IS USELESS! i realized just a few days ago that i havent been on facebook since i started sparks and i dont miss it. i dont need to be so careful about everything i say. the people on sp are in it for the same reasons i am and we would never dream of calling each other names and trying to figure out how to bury each other and stab each other in the back.

on facebook i missed the nasty message from my sister she bragged about blaming me for her bleeding ulcer which caused her to be in a size 9 jean. she's medium build and 5"10".

even without talking to her she manages to make me feel like crap.

Marriage isn’t like a tray of hors d'oeuvres. You can’t just pick what you fancy; you’ve got to take the lot or nothing. – Cary Grant, The Grass Is Greener

“Fairy tales, are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated.” — G.K. Chesterton


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CEASTWOOD1977's Photo CEASTWOOD1977 SparkPoints: (369)
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4/29/12 9:57 A

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Oh goodness - so this just happened last week. So Lathan (my guy) and I are on facebook and he added some friend he went to high school with - she gets on there and starts commenting on our pictures- saying OMG, fat is fat, can you eat a salad or something, good thing you have thim to roll you around in 10 years. I was all nice......and she really thought she was doing me a favor- like giving me a wake up call that I was fat......I've started this journery a little over a month - month and a half ago - started at 450 lbs and am down 22 pounds so far - so I had to kindly tell her thanks for the feedback :) - but I'm good and not to worry about myself or my weight loss lol.

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CRINKLYMONKEY's Photo CRINKLYMONKEY SparkPoints: (4,750)
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4/27/12 7:58 A

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OMG That is the most horrible thing I think I have ever heard. I am so sorry that these people were so mean to you when you got pregnant. I hope you never went back there again.

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BABYJEN75's Photo BABYJEN75 SparkPoints: (14,851)
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4/16/12 6:00 A

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I have heard a lot as well, but there's one that haunts me to this day that I just can't let go of no matter how hard I've tried. The first time I got pregnant I went to this skinny little doctor that had a heavier nurse. The nurse would always say some jab about my weight whenever I would weigh in. Well unfortunately when I was 6 weeks along the doctor told me that the baby had died and my body had reabsorbed the baby. I had one tear running down my cheek as I was trying to hold it in. The doctor snidely said "when you get control of your emotions, you need to fill out some paperwork" and left the office. Right after that the nurse said to me that fat women should never be allowed to have babies anyway. This killed me on top of losing my baby. I held it together till I got outside the front door then I just lost it completely. 11 years later, I still start crying sometimes when I think about it.

If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we 'd grab ours back.


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CORALINE01's Photo CORALINE01 Posts: 313
4/3/12 9:28 P

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my aunt in-law said to me how i'd lost weight since the last time she'd seen me. my mother in-law says no, it's just the colour of shirt she's wearing.

Marriage isn’t like a tray of hors d'oeuvres. You can’t just pick what you fancy; you’ve got to take the lot or nothing. – Cary Grant, The Grass Is Greener

“Fairy tales, are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated.” — G.K. Chesterton


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YODALOVER Posts: 6
4/3/12 4:20 P

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As the others have said, I've heard it all since i've been over-weight all my life.

i'll share the funniest one i've had in long time as it was one where everyone looked at the woman, not me for what she said lol

I was pumping gas in the winter. I was wearing a pair of black knit pants and my black tennis shoes and because it was winter i had on my coat which is purple.

I was in the back part of the lot pumping my gas... they were pretty busy because it was lunchgime..

So there was a car in the lane closeest to the building also filling up. it was a young girl pumping gas, a bit younger than me she looked all normal and everything... someone you'd not think twice about.

then, i hear a woman screaming at the top of her lungs but i didn't pay attention to her it was background noise at that point. The woman had just come out of the gas station convenience store with her arms full of stuff. she was screaming "look at that woman, OMG how can she wear those tennis shoes with that coat!" she said it over and over and the girl that was filling the car up had to escort the older woman to the car. As she did, she got more agitated and screamed that i was huge and my coat didn't go with my shoes and i was wearing "exercise pants" in public. The woman was almost not coherant because she was mostly commenting about my tennis shoes.... EVERYONE was looking around at HER because of her behavior.

I have to believe that she had a mental deficiency of some sort that caused her outburst... and i'm sure she noticed my size.... but people didn't really notice what she was screaming about but that she was screaming... at the top of her lungs, almost unable to understand.

The girl that filled up the car got her in and i could see her distressed as they drove away....she wanted to get out of there as quick as possible.

i just thought it was soooo funny because the woman's reaction was soooo over-the-top weird she drew the attention away from me and onto herself.


Aside from that i've learned a long time ago to ignore what people say.

the only ones that hurt a bit are when my husband doesn't know any better:

* like when he asks why we can't sit in a booth
* or when he doesn't understand why i can't just go to the store and buy clothes.
* or why can't i wear my wedding ring.
* or why i have to sit with the car's seat so far back.

i guess i'm lucky that he loves me no matter my size as we met, i gained more weight after i met him and he still wanted to marry me. I just have to gently remind him when he says/does things that are embarrassing or rude.

1PEACEBUNNY's Photo 1PEACEBUNNY SparkPoints: (20,971)
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4/2/12 10:34 A

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Hugs emoticon to all of you guys because I have been fortunate to experience some of that but blessed with quick knife sharp wit that usually killed all of that instantly. Some years ago me and my man who is naturally thin said to me you are getting bigger and I said yeah and you are still short, I can get smaller but can you get taller? He was so livid...I tell you. I went and ate a cupcake right after that just because I could. My family, friends, coworkers know that you can start it but I will finish it so now I rarely get comments like that about me at least not to my face or to someone they think will tell me.

“A fight is not won by one punch or kick. Either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard.”

Bruce Lee

"We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"

Marianne Williamson


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3/26/12 2:03 P

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Wow, so many of us have dealt with hurtful comments! It really is amazing what people will say...I've had a handful of comments thrown my way. The worst one was a few years ago & I still have a difficult time letting it go. A "father-figure" sat me down & talked to me for about 45 mins about my weight. He was going for shock value (maybe he thought I didn't own a mirror?). He told me that I am not just overweight but I am a whale. He said that I need to look in the mirror every day & tell myself that "I am a whale" until I dealt with my "eating disorder". The worst part of it all was that he gossiped about it & told several of my friends what he had said to me. It was awful. I was so shocked & then publicly embarrassed. I have struggled with the "whale" word ever since.

My weight-loss journey blog: cheeseburgercombo.wordpress.com


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SINGERA9 SparkPoints: (4,246)
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3/22/12 8:54 P

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I have a weird sense of humor, so this one makes me laugh everytime. I have a relative who said, "Well, you're not as fat as you used to be" to which I promptly responded, "yeah, well, you're still a (bleep)." ROFL seriously...

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JOJOBEE318's Photo JOJOBEE318 SparkPoints: (135,521)
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3/19/12 8:04 P

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I have so many that it would take forever. :)

But from this past weekend: my sister and I went out of town for the day with some friends from church, and we all pitched in to rent a full size van. My father made a remark about how the two of us would take up a whole seat.

Now I am still big, and my sister is bigger; but he knows how hard I've been working. He says things like that all the time.

I wish he could see how much it hurts me.

~~~Joanne~~~


~ The scale does not define me.
~ Stop waiting for things to happen. Go out and make them happen.
~ If you set yourself up for success, anything is possible.
~ Success is getting up one more time than you fall down!


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LOVELYKATE's Photo LOVELYKATE Posts: 34
3/18/12 6:41 P

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I have a few of these that I really need to let go:
1. I was a cheerleader in high school, and after doing a pyramid for a pep rally, the guy who was under me said that my bony knees were hurting him. Someone asked if it was because I was skinny, and he said "NOOOO", and puffed his cheeks, and pulled his arms out to show how big I was...I weighed 135, and was 5' 4". I think that started my battle.

2. I had gotten some Girl Scout cookies - thin mints - and after two weeks, I had eaten one sleeve. I was proud of myself for my restraint. My boyfriend came over, and when I told him of my success, he told me I should not have eaten any cookies.

3. This one hurt the most, and haunts me daily. I was in a dance group for church with my husband and a few other friends. We had to wear a white leotard and skirt. When I tried mine on (of course, comparing myself to the skinny, mean girl), I came in the room and said, "I look like a white cow", to which my husband promptly said "Mooooo". I broke down in tears and ran home. He apologized, he knows it was wrong, but I don't think he realizes how much that one comment has affected me for years. It broke my heart.

4. My Christian psychologist told me that God told her I would never be thin. I hope she was not communicating with Him very well, because I can't imagine that He wants me to remain obese.

It's time to let these go. They are done hurting me. I choose to move on and live my life!

Finding joy everyday!!!
GOAL.....DATE REACHED
-10lbs....
-20lbs...
-30lbs...
-40lbs...
-50lbs...
-60lbs...
-70lbs...
-80lbs...
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-120lbs..
-130lbs..
-135lbs..


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GRIMMCHAOS's Photo GRIMMCHAOS SparkPoints: (382)
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3/16/12 2:00 P

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This was just this week. I went on a date with a great guy, who bicycles and is very stable. I was talking to a male friend of mine and was talking about my date. My friend replied 'he must be desperate, or have low self-esteem'. Now to be fair, my 'friend' is finacially, physically and emotionally...backwards, but this still hurt. It would be one thing to request I not talk about guys, but he talks to me about girls he dates, so I assumed it would be fair to do the same. I'm not sure I even want to consider him a friend anymore.

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AVENGUARD75's Photo AVENGUARD75 SparkPoints: (711)
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2/25/12 5:28 P

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I have a couple that I can drop off here.

1) I was a singer in high school I was in several groups but the elite group was a co-ed group they always had really fancy gowns and they traveled everywhere throughout the year. Well, I tried out and was sure I would get it I was a pretty strong singer, however when the list came out I was not on it, but I noticed a very weak singer was and everyone knew she was weak but she was a toothpick where I was prob about 50lbs overweight at that point. I soon found out one day when I was coming back to the rehersal room and over heard the conductor that he was glad he picked smaller girls to fit into this years gowns, he did not want to have to worry about gaudy gowns because of bigger girls. Needless to say I was so upset, but was later justified because they lost a lot of competitions that year because he went on size instead of quality.

2) My sister had just gotten the gastric bypass and it had been about 8 months after the surgery she had lost all her excess weight except about 20lbs I then became the largest member of my dads side of the family and I was at a get together and everyone looked at me as I went through the line at the buffet table, and I would over hear a few of them wondering if they should get in front of me so they could get food because after I go through the table there would be nothing left the group laughed including my sister who I was more then shocked seeing how she weighed in more then I did before her surgery. I walked away from the line leaving the food and left the get together with out saying a word and to this day I will not go back there for anything I send gifts through the mail and will not have anything to do with his side of the family including my sister.

mini goal's
1# 300lb
2# 275 lb
3# 250 lb
4# 200 lb
and then I will decide on more mini goals to reach final goal.


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DLKOCHER's Photo DLKOCHER Posts: 80
2/13/12 9:40 A

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The first one I remember is in 5th grade. I was playing a game of tag with a few of my friends and I was chasing them, when the one just stopped, turned around and said, "Stop following me....PIG!" I was humiliated because we were in front of a bunch of people.

Teh other was a recent one. a few months ago (if that long). A woman came into my office looking for something she sent me inter-office mail. When I said I hadn't, but it could be with the afternoon mail pickup, she said that her and I should run up to the mail room because she wanted to make sure, and I "could use the exercise".

Dropping off and moving forward!

“It's not about perfect. It's about effort. And when you bring that effort every single day, that's where transformation happens. That's how change occurs.” ― Jillian Michaels


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UTOPIASTARS's Photo UTOPIASTARS Posts: 33
2/10/12 5:28 P

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My fiance used to use "fat" as an insult when he was angry at someone for whatever random thing. It bothered me on principle, but it also hurt my feelings because I was always, always bigger than the person he was insulting. After talking about it he realizes a little more that it's not OK.

At completely different times in my life, someone driving by rolled down their window just to scream, "Fat b*tch!" at me. The last time I was with friends and I had to work pretty damn hard to pretend I didn't hear it and maintain the same level of cheerfulness.

When I was about 12 years old, my brother was chasing me on the beach. I've never been very graceful, so when I turned around to look behind me, to see how close he was, I ran into a little girl and knocked her over. I went to help her up, but her mom swooped in and called me a "hippo" as I was walking away. Nice, lady.

"You have such a pretty face" is an enraging statement, not only because you know there's an invisible "...but you'd look a lot better if you lost weight," but because it's just another example of random people placing too much value on women's beauty and feeling entitled to comment on their bodies. It's highly effed up.

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IMAJEAN0178's Photo IMAJEAN0178 Posts: 673
2/5/12 3:35 P

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I have a couple that come to mind pretty quickly. First when I was in the 6th grade some girls were playing tag and two of them ran behind me and said, "we can both hide behind her." The second was just a couple of years ago. I was walking outside and as some boys were driving by one of them started barking out the car window at me.




Why would you choose failure when success is an option? - Jillian Michaels

It's really hard to loose weight, but it's even harder to be heavy and overweight.


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ACREDAWN's Photo ACREDAWN Posts: 13
2/5/12 11:51 A

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I am an EXTREMELY sensitive person so I get hurt very easily. I also remember every mean thing ever said to me and they tend to play over and over in my head. Here are a few:

In 5th grade I leaned over my desk to pick up a pencil and the desk tipped over. A boy (friend) laughed and said loudly, "See folks, that's what happens when you're fat!" It was the first time I'd ever been called fat.

I have large calves and every boy in my Junior high called me "Popeye". To this day I rarely wear shorts in public.

My mom, who I love with all my heart, has always made comments while I eat. They're never really mean. I know she thinks she's being 'helpful' but it cuts to the core.

My uncle was telling a story about a woman he used to know that has recently lost a lot of weight. To emphasize how big she was he said, "She used to be huge, I mean HUGE. She was about your size, April"

And the one that hurt me most of all. Several years ago I had started dieting. I realized that I loved to play tennis. I got obsessed and was so happy and losing weight. I took my two young cousins out to play with me one night. I hear a car with the thumping music passing by. I think I hear someone say something but I'm not sure. A few minutes later the same car approaches. One guy yells out, "Lose weight, B*****!" And the other yells, "SLIM FAST!!" It made it even worse that they felt it was necessary to turn around and drive back by so they could yell something mean at me. I know that says more about their character than my own, but it didn't matter. I was mortified in front of my cousins. We left immediately. I tried to go back and play again but I was scared the whole time and quit going. I gained another 40 pounds after that.

Feels good to set these memories free. People should never have such a hold on my self worth!



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FIREFOX0119's Photo FIREFOX0119 Posts: 1,311
2/2/12 5:00 P

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Aside from a hurtful remark (that I won't repeat) I remember my dad making (during an argument) when I was in like Jr High, and a comment that one of my classmates made around the same time, really the only "comments" that I could drop off have been made by little kids.

I struggle with the kid comments. I am not a parent, but I understand enough from things that my friends have told me their kids say or things that my mother likes to talk about my brother and I saying. Comments from kids sort of sting ("wow that lady is fat", "are you going to have a baby soon?" etc), but I am not so naive that I would get upset with the kid because what they said is probably true! Kids will be kids and it is tough for parents to know what to do when they make certain comments, but to me, the parental reaction (or lack thereof!) can be so hurtful.

I think parents should proactively talk to their kids about weight bias (skinny or fat!) just like they do about racial or other types of bias, just because we know that kids will say things and I would think it would be easier to have talked with your kids about it before you're stuck in an awkward moment at the grocery store or a friend's house. At least then they would have the recourse to say, "Remember what I told you about saying things like that?? Please apologize to so and so."

**Heather**

Run like you're chasing the skinny version of you that is on the horizon!


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KRISTIANNON's Photo KRISTIANNON SparkPoints: (759)
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1/28/12 2:44 A

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Yup I got some too.
1) My mother and stepfather (who were always fighting) were arguing at the dinner table. My mother said I don't feel like eating and I agreed. My stepfather said great since Kristi's not eating we will have plenty of food.
2) I was out with my now long-term man, feeling good about myself. I had on my good clothes, make-up, hair did. You know those days where you feel good about yourself. So I was confidently walking with him across the street to the store when a car full of girls drove by and I heard them say, "D*mn that girl is fat!" and no it wasn't the PHAT. Needless to say when we left the store I wasn't walking so confidently...

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LEE1975's Photo LEE1975 SparkPoints: (4,613)
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1/27/12 11:21 P

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Oh my goodness, the list is so long I wouldn't know where to start. I'll just say that being an obese foreigner in Japan is pretty painful. First off, Japanese don't see obesity as Americans do. It's not something to be embarrassed by, hence sumo wrestling being a professional sport. Japanese will tell you how fat they think you are like they would compliment you on a piece of your wardrobe. "You're really fat." "You're huge." are some of the typical things people would say to you. Don't be surprised if you came to Japan and had someone come up and grab a handful of your fat and tell you how big you are. I've had that happen plenty of times. It takes some getting used to. But I guess getting used to it would be a bad thing...

My short term memory isn't too sharp these days. Also, my short term memory isn't too sharp these days.


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