Today is July 1st. In January, when I decided to really use SparkPeople to keep me motivated, I told myself that by July 1st, I would lose the 40 lbs I had regained and be back to the weight I was when I got married in September 2008, which was 229 lbs. I had lost 125 lbs the previous 2 years and was well on my way to my goal of 160. However, I regained 10 lbs on our honeymoon in the Washington D.C. area, then another 10 on a trip to Montana in 2009, then another 10 when my husband had to have a second heart surgery and we had to fly to Cleveland and be there for 2 weeks while he had the surgery at The Cleveland Clinic. The remaining 10 lbs were gained dealing with numerous stressful situations that popped up after the surgery and the following year.
So, here it is, July 1st and I am no where CLOSE to the goal I set in January. I'm 266 lbs and miserable. The osteoarthritis in my knee has gotten decidedly worse to the point where there is discussion of an arthroscopy at best and a total knee replacement at worst.
The excuses and denials have really taken it's toll the past 6 months. I know exactly what I've done wrong that has prevented me from losing the weight I intended to lose. Can I change the past? Of course not. Can I change the future? When it comes to my health and weight loss, of course I can! Can I do it?
Well, therein lies the rub!
It's so easy to feel sorry for yourself and make those excuses that sabotage your efforts. The money is too tight, the job is too stressful, your grown children are doing stupid things, the car broke down again.........yadda yadda yadda............run to the fridge and plant yourself face first into the carton of ice cream and you'll feel better, right?
It's called Life! Life happens to all of us. Some of us handle situations better than others. We all have the ability to face those challenges head on and not let it get the better of us. But some of us choose the easy way out and let Life run roughshod all over us. Then we get mad at ourselves for being weak and then depressed about it and the cycle starts all over again.
The thought of a knee replacement isn't a pleasant thought. Of course, part of me says "Well, hey! A new knee would probably mean a lot less pain and then I can exercise even harder!!" Really? Do I really believe that a new knee will make me work out harder when I really hate to exercise and also know full well that focusing on losing extra lbs would mean less stress on the knee and I could work out harder then? And possibly avoid a total knee replacement altogether?
Today is July 1st. A new month facing the same old challenges, but with a new determination. Today I got on my elliptical for 20 minutes. I haven't been exercising at all for the past 3 weeks. Mostly because the knee is bad, but also because I was using the excuse that the knee is bad!!! See the problem? I wasn't doing ANYTHING to keep the momentum going. I know that even doing something as simple as arm curls with 2 lb weights would at least be SOMETHING going that would be counted as exercise and make me feel like I was getting somewhere.
This morning I logged my breakfast on the Nutrition Tracker but had to guess on the amounts I consumed. When I got on the elliptical, I realized that I had already sabotaged my day by not being exact on my food log. While pumping away on the elliptical, with my knee slightly yelling at me, I suddenly realized that I was being ridiculous. This commentary started forming in my head and I felt a kind of urgency to post it.
So I declare that today, July 1st, is my Independence Day! I know it won't be easy because I've been doing the excuse thing for almost 57 years. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. But anyone can change if they truly believe in themselves. I believe I can be independent of the weight that's been a burden my whole life. I believe I can overcome the excuses, bounce back when I've slipped up and finally, finally complete this journey I started 5 years ago.
Happy Independence Day!
Anything you can conceive and believe, you can achieve!
| current weight: 266.0