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7/4/16 2:52 P

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Watch out for children on the road. They're terrible drivers.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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7/4/16 2:51 P

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WHOA!!! emoticon

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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7/4/16 11:08 A

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A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The other man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."


Progress, not Perfection


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7/4/16 10:37 A

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What did King George think of the American colonists?

He thought they were revolting!

emoticon emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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7/2/16 12:23 P

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So he excels at underachieving???

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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7/2/16 1:14 A

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When he was young, Jim wanted to be a great writer. When asked what he meant by "great," he said, "I want my writing to really bring out people's emotions. I want them to cry, scream, shout, and stomp around."

Jim now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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7/1/16 3:21 P

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The world is like a beehive. We all enter by the same door, but we live in different cells.


EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/30/16 7:41 P

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Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?

A: Ruff!

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/30/16 7:41 P

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Okay, okay, okay . . . so MINE was bad?!? emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/30/16 1:43 P

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What's a dog's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/30/16 1:43 P

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oh man, that is SO bad!!!!!! emoticon emoticon

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/29/16 12:25 A

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Q: How are dogs like phones?

A: They have collar IDs.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/27/16 6:31 A

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Why shouldn't you put an ad in the paper if your dog is lost?
Because dogs can't read.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/26/16 6:06 P

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Q: How many dance instructors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Five . . . six . . . seven . . . eight!

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/26/16 2:51 P

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I'd be a great dancer except for two things--my feet!

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/25/16 10:47 A

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Ah, but how many years does it take them to do that? emoticon


Q: When does a teacher carry bird seed?

A: When there is a parrot-teacher conference.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/25/16 6:56 A

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How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, They delegate it to somebody else. emoticon

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/24/16 1:49 A

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Okay, it's not my turn, but I just made this one up and couldn't wait to share it. I wouldn't be surprised if someone else already thought of it!

Q: How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Why is it still dark in here?


The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/23/16 10:31 A

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What illness is a horse afraid of getting? Hay fever.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/23/16 6:11 A

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emoticon emoticon

Teacher: "This essay about your dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
Student: "Well, it's the same dog."

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/22/16 2:00 P

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Q: How do you fit more pigs on a farm?

A: Build a sty-scraper.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/22/16 12:47 P

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tHAT IS so FUNNY!!
i AM SITTING HERE CHUCKLING!! OOPS, hit the caps button.

What are two things you can't have for lunch?

Breakfast and dinner.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/22/16 3:25 A

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Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

A: Because they have big fingers.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/21/16 3:52 P

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Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/21/16 12:17 A

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Apparently, I snore so loudly that it scares all the people in the car I'm driving!

emoticon
emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/20/16 2:03 P

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What do you call a person who organizes carpools into the city?

A commuter programmer.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/20/16 9:20 A

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I thought this was hilarious.

A son walks up to his mother with his hands dangling under his chin, fingers spread out and wiggling around.

Son: “Mom, like my beard of testicles?!”
Mom: “…What? Beard of …What?!”
Son: “My beard of testicles … I’m an octopus!”
Mom: “TENTACLES, kiddo. They’re called tentacles.”
Son: “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”


"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible."



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6/19/16 12:26 P

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Hal: "I just invented a talking wristwatch that tells time and jokes."
Cal: "Does it really work?"
Hal: "Of course. It's a laugh a minute!"

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/19/16 1:32 A

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Did you hear about the Dr. DoLittle diet? You talk to your food instead of eating it.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/18/16 10:57 A

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When you start on a diet, the first thing you lose is your patience.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/17/16 12:09 P

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Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "You know how to drive this thing?"

Two soldiers are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "BlubBlubBlubBlubBlub."

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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LCERTUCHE's Photo LCERTUCHE SparkPoints: (38,970)
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6/17/16 8:04 A

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emoticon

http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_
individual.asp?gid=65170


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6/17/16 6:10 A

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What's the difference between a hill and a pill?

A hill is hard to get up. A pill is hard to get down.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/16/16 10:05 P

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What do you call new-born kittens who keep getting passed from person to person? A chain litter.

Edited by: WHITECAT19 at: 6/16/2016 (22:05)
The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/16/16 2:10 P

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When we seek advice, we may already know the answer--but wish we didn't.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/15/16 1:03 P

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What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws; the other has the clause before the pause.

emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/15/16 6:19 A

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What food stays hot no matter how cold it is? A pepper.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/14/16 11:22 P

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Why did the judge throw the feline witness in jail? It was guilty of purrjury.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/13/16 6:17 P

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Patient: "What's the best thing to do for a poor memory?"
Doctor: "Just forget about your problem."

Edited by: PICKIE98 at: 6/13/2016 (18:17)
EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/12/16 11:46 P

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Hee, hee, hee!

What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies!


The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/12/16 2:02 P

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A company sent me a notice that my bill was a year old, so I sent them a birthday card.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/11/16 4:24 P

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What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/11/16 7:19 A

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What do you call someone who organizes carpools into the city?

A commuter programmer.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/10/16 8:48 P

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Grampa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97, and we have no idea where he is!


The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/9/16 5:38 P

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When you start on a diet, the first thing you lose is your patience.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/8/16 4:01 P

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Archie Bunker to Mike Stivic: Some people have tape worms, but I think you have a little Boa restrictor in there.

Failure isn't the opposite of success, it's part of success.


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6/8/16 1:08 P

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What is a dog's favorite food?

Anything that is on your plate.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/8/16 1:07 P

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oh whitecat....

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/7/16 12:34 A

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What do you call a cat that has just swallowed a duck?

A duck filled fatty puss.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/6/16 2:21 P

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How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse?

Try picking them up.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/5/16 6:35 P

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What did the duck say when she bought a tube of lipstick?

Just put it on my bill.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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5/30/16 2:43 P

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Why didn't the physics teacher marry the biology teacher?

The chemistry just wasn't right.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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5/30/16 12:22 A

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What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane? A Boeing constrictor.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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5/29/16 7:57 A

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"Whatever a man's age may be, he can reduce it by several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his button hole.

Mark Twain

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5/28/16 10:53 A

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"Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it won't stop the rain but it will allow you to keep going."
- Anonymous

Bonus joke: Why did the hotel clerk get fired? For giving away all the "free" TV's in the rooms.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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5/28/16 6:58 A

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Hotel clerk: "Would you like the $80 room or the $100 room?"
Guest: "What's the difference?"
Hotel clerk: The $100 room comes with a free TV."

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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5/27/16 12:14 A

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Organized people are just too lazy to search for stuff!

emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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5/26/16 3:25 P

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How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses.
emoticon emoticon

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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5/25/16 11:54 A

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Politics: "Poli" a Latin word meaning "many"; and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures".
- Robin Williams


The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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5/24/16 1:59 P

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Did you hear about the invisible man who married the invisible woman?
Yeah, their kids aren't much to look at either.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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5/23/16 1:29 P

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What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.


The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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5/23/16 8:58 A

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If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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5/22/16 3:08 P

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If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.


The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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5/22/16 1:42 P

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Last night I saw a movie with a happy ending. Everybody was glad it was over!

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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5/21/16 2:25 P

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I don't approve of political jokes . . . I've seen too many of them get elected.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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5/21/16 6:53 A

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What has one head, four legs and one foot?

A bed.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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5/20/16 2:41 P

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Hee, hee, hee!

What will happen if you eat yeast and silver polish for your bedtime snack? In the morning you'll rise and shine.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


 Pounds lost: 0.0 
 
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5/19/16 6:07 A

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The accountant could not get to sleep, so he tried counting sheep. THen he made a mistake and it took him all night to find it.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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5/19/16 6:05 A

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chuckling...

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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5/18/16 4:00 P

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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


 Pounds lost: 0.0 
 
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5/18/16 2:29 P

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Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday, but not enough.

EIGHT YEARS SPARKING!!

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5/17/16 3:06 P

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What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


 Pounds lost: 0.0 
 
0
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