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9/16/14 2:00 A

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My buddy ate ten big bags of potato chips. His was the face that lunched a thousand chips.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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9/15/14 1:34 P

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groan...

Poker face: The face that launched a thousand chips.

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9/14/14 6:05 P

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Hee, hee, hee!

Do shepherds get a staff discount, or are they just crooks?

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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9/14/14 1:42 P

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Patient: I've got a fever, a sore throat and I ache. The whole office has it."

Doctor: "Well, it must be a staff infection." emoticon

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9/13/14 9:01 P

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"Because" is a word to the whys.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
9/12/14 10:13 P

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From "The Journal of Irreproducible Results" an article discussing that the shortest word in English is not "it", as sometimes asserted, but rather "tit." Because of the initial articulation of the consonant at the beginning.

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9/12/14 3:55 P

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What is the longest word in the English language?

Smiles,because there is a mile between the first and last letter.

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9/12/14 12:40 A

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Why shouldn't you kiss a bird? You might get an untweetable canarial disease.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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9/11/14 4:50 P

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What is the difference between a husband and a jilted suitor?

One kisses the missus and the other misses the kisses!

Edited by: PICKIE98 at: 9/11/2014 (16:51)
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9/10/14 3:12 P

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groan... emoticon

Strength of mind: A person who can only eat one salted peanut.

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9/10/14 11:22 A

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Have you heard about the new book about Ivan Pavlov? Bell, Bark, and Kennel: A Chronicle of the Birth of the Salivation Army.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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9/9/14 6:55 A

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Tourist: "What's the birth rate in your town?"

Henry: "Same as everywhere, one per person."

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9/8/14 2:43 P

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What is the most musical part of the turkey? The drumstick. emoticon emoticon

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9/7/14 8:04 A

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One reason surgeons are paid more than auto mechanics is that mechanics don't have to repair the engine when it's running.

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
9/6/14 11:57 P

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My tax preparer is always confused when, on her birthday, people keep saying to her: many happy returns.

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9/6/14 3:01 P

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How can a pocket be empty yet still have something in it?
It can if it has a hole in it!

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9/5/14 2:36 P

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Our younger generation is quite safe as long as they have grandparents to protect them.

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
9/4/14 9:06 P

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There once was a blonde soprano who tweeted (on Twitter, not vocally) about breaking up with her boyfriend the tenor. Her mother responded to her tweet, suggesting that she not smash up her music album, she should correct the punctuation, and by the way, dear, you never told me you were making a record. The soprano tweeted back that no, there was no punctuation error in that tweet about breaking up with that musical bum.

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9/4/14 3:52 P

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Why is slippery ice like music? If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat!!!!!!!
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9/3/14 4:51 P

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Before you decide to retire from your job, stay home for a week and watch daytime television.

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
9/2/14 9:51 P

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Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.

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9/1/14 4:28 P

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Mary: "For the dance next week, we're asked to wear something that matches our husband's hair, so I'm wearing black."

Betty: "Oh dear, I'd better not go!"

(took me a minute to get this one)

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
9/1/14 11:32 A

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At dawn, a damsel ambled across the drawbridge and into the castle. As she passed the guards, she murmured, "oh, what a knight."

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9/1/14 12:15 A

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A weeknight is a tiny jouster.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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8/31/14 4:06 P

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Every dog has his day. And those with crooked tails have their week ends. emoticon emoticon

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8/31/14 4:05 P

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hearty har har!! Yuppers!! You sure find the cool ones!!

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/31/14 12:49 P

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One black bird to another: bred any good rooks lately?

Sign of a good joke - I've been Pickie'd!

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8/30/14 2:36 P

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Whoa baby!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/30/14 1:13 P

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There's another guy that gets around almost as much while staying in one spot: Frank D. Envelope.

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8/29/14 6:17 P

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What travels around the world, yet stays in one spot?

A postage stamp.

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/28/14 7:26 P

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One Father's Day years ago, my mother wrapped up a belt for my brothers to give to my dad. She wrapped up a pair of socks for my sister and me to give to my dad. Well, it happened that the sons and daughters were sitting on opposite sides of the dinner table, so my dad said, "I have been socked by this side of the table, and belted by that side of the table!"

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8/28/14 5:43 P

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What did the zero say to the number 8? Nice belt!

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/27/14 6:04 P

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These days, top bananas make lots more money than the bunches at the bottom.

Edited by: TENNESSEEWALKER at: 8/27/2014 (18:05)
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8/27/14 4:08 P

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If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make?

Slippers.

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/26/14 10:18 P

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Blueberries are red when they're green.

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8/26/14 3:47 P

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What gets wetter the more it dries?

A bath towel.

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8/25/14 3:49 P

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Doctor: "That pain in your leg is caused by old age."

Grandpa: "nonsense! My other leg is the same age and it doesn't hurt at all!"

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/25/14 9:52 A

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Defenestrate: to buy something at a pawn shop.

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8/24/14 2:47 P

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Abdicate: to give up hope of ever having a flat stomach.

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/24/14 1:03 P

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Did you hear the one about the veterinarian who was the cat's meow?

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8/23/14 5:21 P

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(Except in certain conditions in forest fires?)

When Curly found out the fire department was charging $75.00 for him to have a table at their craft fair, he told them they could go to blazes.
emoticon emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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8/23/14 4:43 P

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When you're tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department usually uses water.

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/23/14 2:49 P

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As you know, I am taking voice lessons. My teacher and I record the lessons on my celly - what a contrast to the flute lessons of my childhood, when the recording machine would have weighed at least 20 pounds!. Having those recordings are very nice to replay at home for review. Well, as I was practicing at home, I noticed that the cellular has two recording settings! Count them; one: normal voice recoding and two: high quality voice recording. So, my ego says: all those wrong words and notes and odd vocal tones are artifacts of the 'normal' setting not being able to keep up with all that beautiful music washing over it. So, I switch to the high quality setting and give it my best shot. As I am, no doubt, laying this brilliant track into the cell phone archives, the needle is moving and the seconds are adding up. I push 'play,' and I hear 5 seconds of silence, broken only by a random crackle of static. At the 10 second mark, I hear the refrigerator in the kitchen start up. Oh well, that's why I'm taking lessons.

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8/22/14 10:41 P

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The butcher was making cutting remarks about both the ditch-digger and the hypnotist.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/21/14 7:29 P

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Similarly, the hypnotist was entranced by hers.

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8/21/14 12:47 A

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The ditch-digger was entrenched in his career.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/20/14 2:44 A

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A witch was walking down the road when she saw another witch digging the ditch at the side of the road.
"You look tired," said the first witch. "Let me spell you."
"Thank you," said the second witch. "I could do to set a spell."

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8/19/14 7:42 P

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What do you see at the Beijing airport? A whole lot of Chinese checkers.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/19/14 5:47 P

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Teacher: Alec, how do you spell checker?
Smart Alec: I push F5!

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8/19/14 3:56 A

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I don't let the spell-checker change stuff automatically!

Did you hear about the book of incantations that was useless? The author forgot to run a spell check on it.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/17/14 6:38 P

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A hinky-dinky for a Ford Mustang car: phony pony

My favorite Spell-check spoiler is: I type 'baseline' and the spell-check changes it to 'Vaseline.' What's your favorite?

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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,928
8/16/14 9:14 A

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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5,
Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the
first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral
lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my
brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"


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8/15/14 1:47 P

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My grandchildren's principal wants to drop spelling from the curriculum in the school. I suppose she thinks it will suffice for them to rely on Spill-Check!

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 996
8/14/14 9:41 P

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Seen on a T-shirt: "I don't need Google - my wife knows everything!"

And "years ago I couldn't even spell Injuneer, and now I are one!"

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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,928
8/14/14 4:01 P

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The boss was concerned that his employees weren’t giving him enough respect, so he tried and old fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a sign that said “I’m the Boss” and taped it to his door. After lunch, he noticed someone had taped another note under his. “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”



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8/14/14 3:12 P

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yer a jeen-yuss!!!!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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65 Years Later: Detroit and Hiroshima 3/17/2014 1:14:16 PM
65 Years Later: Detroit and Hiroshima 2/16/2014 8:27:59 AM
Wings 11/26/2013 11:35:19 AM
Compulsive Urges Explained 7/15/2014 12:20:56 PM
Giraffes 7/15/2013 2:27:02 PM

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