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11/23/14 7:00 A

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What game do retailers play?
Price tag.

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11/22/14 3:50 P

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If a monk throws a hissy fit, is it a temple tantrum?

(I went to a monastery on pilgrimage earlier this week. Not one monk threw a hissy fit while I was there!)

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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11/21/14 2:26 P

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Sign at Happy Farms Vegetables: Eat our corn on the cob and you'll smile from ear to ear!
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TREKPURRSON's Photo TREKPURRSON Posts: 448
11/20/14 9:14 P

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emoticon Dogs have masters. Cats have staff! emoticon emoticon

Jesus take my life and lead me on.

Have fun and no regrets. Make memories and love without fear. Enjoy life because in the end, the journey is the destination.

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." -Albert Schweitzer


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11/19/14 5:43 A

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Mea culpa on this one:

What do you call a parrot in a raincoat? Polyunsaturated.

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
11/18/14 11:38 P

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My cousin plays lead guitar in a band called the Hot Chocolates. They say their style is roccoco.

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11/18/14 3:25 P

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Wife: Let's go antiquing today. I'm feeling very Victorian."
Husband: "Forget it. I'm feeling very baroque!"

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11/17/14 4:09 P

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Thanks for the chuckles, everybody!

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11/17/14 3:30 P

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Consider the mosquito as an example. He never gets a slap on the back until he goes to work.

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11/16/14 10:19 P

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Do you know sign language? It's pretty handy.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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11/16/14 3:50 P

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HANDS down,. that is funny!

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11/16/14 12:35 A

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Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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11/12/14 4:19 P

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Riddle: If I have it, I don't share it. If I share it, I don't have it. What is it?

Answer: A secret.

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
11/12/14 11:26 A

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Makes me think I'll write my will thuswise: "l'm not telling you where I buried the gold."

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11/11/14 3:33 P

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Uncle Joe had the shortest will ever. IT read: "Being of sound mind I spent all my money."

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
11/8/14 11:15 P

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Marriage means commitment. So does insanity. emoticon

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11/8/14 12:20 A

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My momma cat lost her three little boy cats. I had to call missing purr sons.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
11/7/14 10:33 A

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My cat met me at the door as I came home from grocery shopping. She kept crying, "I'm hungry!" And I kept saying, "Not now, I'm stocking the pantry." She pawed at the door, and I let her out into the back yard. Later, I wanted her to come in and enjoy the delicious kibble I had put into her bowl. I stood at the door, crying, "kitty, kitty, kitty" She answered, "Not now, I'm stalking."

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11/7/14 12:40 A

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I was going to buy some soup at the store today, but they were out of stock.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
11/5/14 10:32 A

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My brother wants to buy common shares in the Comedy Central channel. He wants some laughing stock himself, but he lives downtown and can't keep farm animals.

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11/4/14 1:23 A

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A farmer's steers did a comedy routine at the club in our town. They were the laughing stock of the whole area.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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JOYGMAWANNABE's Photo JOYGMAWANNABE Posts: 57
11/3/14 10:02 A

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Laughing with you goofies

I am not ashamed of the gospel.....Romans 1:16


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11/3/14 2:54 A

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One key to improving your performance might be to tune out criticism.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
11/2/14 10:32 P

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My piano is a Casio electronic piano. It has 74 keys. I'm not sure if switching to a model with a full complement of 88 keys would make me 19% better or 19% worse.

Come to think of it, I should check the keyboard. If the 14 missing keys are in the middle octaves, or scattered throughout the board, that might explain where the fault is.

My aunt played piano beautifully, but her inability to keep track of the house keyes confounded my uncle.

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11/2/14 11:28 A

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Maybe you should chop up your piano. At least then you would have a cord of wood.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
11/1/14 6:45 P

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I would eat garlic and onions all day to stay nearby!

My piano lessons are going so badly, my teacher gave me a deck of cards to play.

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11/1/14 3:43 P

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I started a new diet. I only eat things with lots of onions and garlic in them. My friends stay so far away from me, I look thinner!

emoticon emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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11/1/14 7:52 A

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Echo: The only thing that can cheat us out of the last word.

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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10/31/14 4:57 P

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I think I'll wear a Pirate costume for Trick-or-Treating, but it's supposed to be really cold tonight. Do you think my booty will keep my feet warm?

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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10/31/14 4:34 P

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The three stages of getting sick: ILL, Pill, Bill.

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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10/31/14 1:22 A

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Did you hear about the vampire who became a poet? He went from bat to verse.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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CHANGEISGOOD's Photo CHANGEISGOOD Posts: 1,770
10/30/14 8:34 P

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In honor of Halloween...

What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
emoticon

~Sandy
Las Vegas, Nevada
CHANGE IS GOOD!!!
If nothing ever changed there would be no butterflies.





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10/30/14 6:22 A

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Where does satisfaction come from? A satisfactory!

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10/29/14 9:40 P

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My little brother is a vegetarian. Sometimes he gets so hungry he could eat a horseradish!

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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10/29/14 4:43 P

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The accountant had trouble falling asleep, so he tried counting sheep.,but then he made a mistake and it took him all night to find it.

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10/28/14 6:42 P

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The actress was in bad shape after she retired. She had post dramatic stress disorder.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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10/28/14 3:01 P

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The first shock of retirement is when you realize that there are no days off.

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10/27/14 4:03 P

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Why do elephants hide behind trees?


To trip ants!!!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!!


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10/27/14 3:23 P

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What do librarians use for bait when they go fishing?

Bookworms!!



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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
10/26/14 10:55 P

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Our village idiot gave us all a reason to keep our cell phones well-charged. He went to the doctor, and Doc ran a bunch of tests on him. Two says later, Doc got in touch with Idiot, and he said, "The test results came in yesterday, and there's good news and bad news." Idiot asked for the good news. The good news was that Idiot had 24 hours to live. "If that's the good news," shouted Idiot, "what could be worse?" "Well,"said Doc, "I tried to get in touch with you all day yesterday."
So, we've lost our village idiot. The village elders have nominated me to run unopposed for the post.

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10/26/14 7:54 A

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Childhood is the time you make funny faces in the mirror.

Middle age is the time when the mirror gets even.
emoticon

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10/25/14 10:26 P

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Yes, Bach does have scores of works to his credit!

emoticon emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
10/25/14 2:36 P

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My uncle wrote the baseball column in the local newspaper. He was fired for spending an entire year's budget on a book of classical music containing nothing but Bach's Scores.

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10/25/14 12:55 A

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What part of an ant likes to play Tic Tac Toe? The X O skeleton.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
10/24/14 10:05 P

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When I was young and had a sore throat, my mother would make me a cup of tea with lemon and honey because she said I was a little horse. Then, if I had a fever, too, she would put me to bed and call me "her little deer."

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10/24/14 4:24 P

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My cousin the hunter made some bear stew the other day. It was a little grizzly.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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10/24/14 3:17 P

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Politician: "Just remember, it's a small world."

Taxpayer: "Then why does it cost so much to run it?"
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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10/24/14 11:51 A

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Our priest's parakeets follow him all over his house. I guess birds of a father flock together.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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10/23/14 3:23 P

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Fitness trainer: A person who lives off the fat of the land.

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
10/23/14 10:47 A

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A blue jay thought he would try his wing as a blues singer, but it didn't work out. He found his niche as the local constable. A bluebird thought he would be a great psychotherapist, but his perch-side manner, shall we say, exerted negative pressure. Whenever a patient told of his sorrows, the bluebird would say, "You think YOUR troubles are making you blue, look at me!"

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10/23/14 12:22 A

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A crow in a phone booth didn't have any money, so he had to make a collect caw.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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10/22/14 3:15 P

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One way to improve your memory is to lend people money.

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
10/21/14 6:58 P

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Oh, WhiteCat, thanks for the shout out! I'm thinking I should change my name to 'Old Sobersides.' I'm seeing funny things going on around me, but they're not joke material. And, of course, there's nothing as elusive as a joke when you're trying to think of one.

Okay: what's a hink-dink for the motto of a frightened polecat? 'Think stink.' And a hink-dink for what you get when you frighten a polecat? 'Skunk funk.' And when you make hinky-hinky-dinks about the scent of polecats? "Stinky hinky dinks."

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10/21/14 2:41 P

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Okay, I am going to post this joke here, BUT, you have to promise not to get your pins out and start sticking them in a voodoo doll of me.
This one is cornier than a Nebraska cornfield!! (And I have been in them, I know!)

Here goes:

What did the big floor lamp say to the little night-light? emoticon emoticon

"Wire you insulate?"

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PITTER6's Photo PITTER6 SparkPoints: (63,041)
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10/21/14 1:34 P

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You know that you are too old to trick or treat is when you knock on your own front door.

Lord, bless my diet buddies and help me met my 2014 weight goals of 60 pounds.
Co-Leader "Keep it Simple"


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10/21/14 12:20 A

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What do you get if you cross a snake with a plane? A Boeing Constrictor.

Hey, where's that horsie?

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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JOYGMAWANNABE's Photo JOYGMAWANNABE Posts: 57
10/20/14 2:34 P

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Thank you!!!!! emoticon

I am not ashamed of the gospel.....Romans 1:16


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10/20/14 2:21 P

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what do you get if you combine a snake with a rabbit? A jumping rope

Lord, bless my diet buddies and help me met my 2014 weight goals of 60 pounds.
Co-Leader "Keep it Simple"


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10/20/14 5:24 A

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Sunbathing: A fry in the ointment.

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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JOYGMAWANNABE's Photo JOYGMAWANNABE Posts: 57
10/19/14 3:20 P

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White...you are great too! Thanks

I am not ashamed of the gospel.....Romans 1:16


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10/19/14 2:15 P

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Did you hear about the bowling team called "Lightning?" They got lots of strikes.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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JOYGMAWANNABE's Photo JOYGMAWANNABE Posts: 57
10/19/14 1:44 P

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Pickers98 thanks for doing these

I am not ashamed of the gospel.....Romans 1:16


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10/19/14 7:54 A

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Which part of the highway freezes first? The cold shoulder.

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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10/18/14 6:25 A

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Bowling alley: A place where pin pals meet. emoticon

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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10/18/14 6:24 A

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Oh, Whitecat!! She is lucky she did not get squashed! emoticon

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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10/17/14 5:33 P

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My neighbor Peter put his wife in a pumpkin shell. When she escaped and told her friends about it, they all said she was out of her gourd.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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ANNEMARIA6's Photo ANNEMARIA6 SparkPoints: (39,819)
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10/17/14 1:56 P

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The not so bright fellow was asked " What were the best 5 years of your life?"
He replied "Grade 1" emoticon

You’ll get where you want to go as long as you take more steps in the right direction than the wrong one.


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10/17/14 6:30 A

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Which animal is the best one to borrow money from?

The kangaroo, because it always has plenty of pocket change.

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
10/16/14 8:18 P

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Did you hear about the worker at Amazon fulfillment center who was fired for thinking outside the box?

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10/16/14 7:11 P

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Most of us get enough exercise pushing our luck!

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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10/16/14 6:44 P

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Did you hear about the feather dancer who was rushed to the ER? Her boa constricted her.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 1,196
10/15/14 11:08 P

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How do you make a fan dance? Give him free tickets!

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