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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/29/14 9:18 P

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Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/29/14 7:45 P

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Is a copy cat a gossip at the Xerox machine?

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7/28/14 1:47 P

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If there were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many cast were left?

None, because they were all copycats. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Edited by: PICKIE98 at: 7/29/2014 (16:26)
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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/28/14 10:20 A

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Hinky-dinky for the favorite dance of a tropical fruit: mango tango

Hinky-dinky for a mess of bracelets on a person's wrist: bangle tangle



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7/27/14 5:49 P

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What does a dentist call his X-rays? Tooth-pics!

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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/27/14 3:51 P

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In today's news...32 more planets were found outside of our solar system bringing the total to 400. And..., not a sign of intelligent life, not even here.



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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/27/14 1:25 P

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Hinky-dinky for the nicest truck driver in the pack: convoy envoy.

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7/26/14 1:38 P

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Tourist to the owner of a flea circus: "Did you educate that flea yourself?"

Owner: "I did, I raised him from a pup."
emoticon

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/26/14 10:33 A

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Hink dink for an obese feline: fat cat

Hinky dinky for an obese feline: flabby tabby

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7/25/14 8:28 P

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so true..

What do you call a happy Lassie? A jolly collie!

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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/24/14 5:29 P

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The "car way" of telling how far the relationship is:
-- Trying to impress the woman: unlocks and opens the door, waits for her to get inside, closes her door behind her
-- Dating: the guy unlocks her door and then goes around to his side to get in
-- Engaged: The man opens his door leans over and unlocks her door and opens it.
-- Married: The man gets in to the driver's seat, unlocks the doors, and says "Aren't you getting in?"


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7/24/14 5:27 P

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Youth is a gift of nature; age is a work of art.

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7/23/14 3:24 P

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Teacher: "What is the difference between lightning and electricity?"

Tommy: "Well, you don't have to pay for lightning." emoticon

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/23/14 9:24 A

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15. Go to a rib joint and ask for something boneless.
16. Greet people at the grocery store by asking them if their cars are tired.

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7/22/14 11:15 P

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13. Go to the pharmacy and ask if they have any cherry-flavored suppositories because the ones you bought were so horrible.
14. Go to the garden center and ask if they have any seeds for seedless watermelon.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/22/14 11:36 A

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HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE

1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.
3. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
6. When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
7. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
8. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
9. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
10. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
11. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.



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7/21/14 9:01 P

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Whatcha gonna crunch on? Potato chips?

My Dad used to do a radio program. I wonder if he took crunchy snacks with him for the sound bites?

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/21/14 10:52 A

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True story: the psalm yesterday had the verse: the heavens rain fatness upon the earth ...

It's enough to make a SparkPerson fall down and do crunches!

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7/21/14 8:39 A

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Yeah! Why can I remember stuff I don't want to remember, but the stuff I want to remember is gone, gone, gone. It ain't fair!

Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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7/20/14 6:03 P

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hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

you never realize what a good memory you have until you try to forget something. emoticon

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7/20/14 3:31 P

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Ha, ha, ha!!!!!

When Ruth fell off the motorcycle, her boyfriend drove on Ruthlessly.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/20/14 2:43 P

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The teacher wrote on the blackboard, “I ain’t had no fun all summer.”
“Now Paul,” she said. “What shall I do to correct this?”
“Get a boy friend.” Paul replied.

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7/19/14 8:05 P

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Do you have any parting words? How about comb and brush?

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/19/14 7:39 P

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To keep my cat from shedding too much, I use a catacomb on her. emoticon

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7/19/14 7:06 P

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Hope: A sentiment in the wag of a dog's tail when he is waiting for a bone.

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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7/19/14 7:00 P

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My pet moose had indigestion, so I gave him an elkaseltzer.

(That was before the train hit me!)

Edited by: WHITECAT19 at: 7/19/2014 (19:00)
The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/19/14 11:05 A

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Two men were talking about golf. One of them said, "I shoot in the 70's." The other replied, "That's great!" The first one said, "Yeah, if it gets any cooler than that, I go to the clubhouse."



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7/19/14 1:54 A

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I was going to buy a new fan, but the price blew me away.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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7/18/14 7:25 P

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Oh, Tiny...

How do bees dispose of their honey?
They cell it.
emoticon

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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/18/14 10:42 A

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Two Antarcticans were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks.
The first said, "You know, those look like deer tracks." The other said, "No, silly, those are moose tracks."
They were still arguing about it when a train hit them.


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7/18/14 2:33 A

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A ballerina found her feet too-too painful.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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50PLUSYOUNG's Photo 50PLUSYOUNG Posts: 15
7/17/14 7:50 P

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A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least five pounds. When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from skipping."

There are many ways to fail, but only one way to succeed; NEVER GIVE UP!


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7/17/14 5:54 P

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A little boy wrote a letter to his grandmother. "Dear Grammy, I'm sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday." emoticon emoticon

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/16/14 10:57 P

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My uncle's short term goal every day consists of making it to his 5 PM quitting time.

His long term goal consists of stringing together a bunch of short-term goals.

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7/16/14 2:46 P

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What has 12 legs,six eyes, three tails and can't see?

Three blind mice.

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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/15/14 10:18 P

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“I hear you’ve got a new baby sister,” said Jonathan to his friend William.
“Yeah.”
“Is she fun to play with?”
“Nah.”
“Well, why don’t you change her?”
“We can’t,” explained William, “we’ve had her for a week already.”




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7/15/14 7:40 P

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Bridge: A card game in which a good deal depends on a good deal.

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/15/14 12:26 A

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My supervisor likes to conclude team meetings by offering us a little cheese to go with our whines.

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BLESSEDGMP's Photo BLESSEDGMP Posts: 225
7/14/14 10:05 P

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What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.


I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Phil 4:13


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7/14/14 5:45 P

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Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials: much to live for and much to live on.

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7/14/14 5:44 P

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Whitecat: Answer to two jokes ago ..yes they do.

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7/14/14 1:48 P

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A family of bears paused while I took their photo. They experienced a true Kodiak moment.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/14/14 10:06 A

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A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother.
Brother 1: So how is my cat doing?
Brother 2: He's Dead
Brother 1: He's Dead! What do you mean He's Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn't you think of a nicer way to tell me! I'm leaving in 3 days. You could of broke me to the news easier. You could of told me today that she got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could of told me, Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down. Then when I call you from the airport you could of told me, The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground.
Brother 2: I'm sorry...you're right...that was insensitive I won't let it happen again.
Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing?
Brother 2: She's up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down.



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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/13/14 10:42 P

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The answer is yes. Everybody has mass, even when they are weightless. Even Lutherans, who haven't called it that since after the reformation.

Q: How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Change? What's wrong the one we got?

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7/13/14 5:13 P

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If Catholics are weightless when they are in space, do they still have Mass?

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/13/14 9:12 A

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Q. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. That's a hardware issue.



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7/13/14 7:13 A

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In the winter the dog wears his coat. In the summer he wears his coat and pants.

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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7/12/14 8:56 P

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What do sod farms do? They provide instant grassification.

emoticon ~~~~~~~~~~~~Yikes! emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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7/12/14 7:21 P

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Why is your nose in the middle of your face?

Because it is the scenter!



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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/12/14 4:44 P

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If at first you don't succeed, get some duct tape and fix it.

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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/12/14 1:27 P

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If at first you don't succeed,sky-diving is not for you!


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7/11/14 6:25 P

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Teacher: "Jimmy, can you tell me what a waffle is?"

Jimmy: "It's a pancake with a non-skid tread." emoticon

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7/11/14 4:13 P

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How do farmers make crop circles? With a protractor!

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/11/14 1:32 P

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Two farmers were arguing about the ownership of a field of wheat. When the discussion degenereated down to the two just shouting at each other "My grain! My grain!" Their wives came out of the kitchens with rolling pins, and made sure they were well supplied.

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7/11/14 10:47 A

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Some people have no respect for age unless it’s bottled.



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7/10/14 7:12 P

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Does a bird with a headache migraine south?

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/10/14 6:35 P

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I'm looking at my bank statement for this month. Yes, I still get paper statements. (Knowing this message board, that'll be good for several ideas for jokes. :)) Anyway, there are seven pages of really good information printed on four leaves of paper. The last page has the message "this page is left intentionally blank." Well, the convention mind would cycle around and around about exactly how blank page with a message printed on it can be. My mind, irreparably warped by five years of Latin classes and five years of editing the church newsletter, is more consumed by this question: how can a piece of paper be blank, that is: devoid, of intention? In this case, how can a piece of paper be devoid of intention on only one side? Does page 7 of the statement suffer from discord of intention? What about the bank that sent me the statement - is it devoid of intention? How quickly should I transfer my account to a bank replete with intention? I'm going to lie down with a damp washcloth on my forehead ....

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7/10/14 3:36 P

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THAT is a whopper!! hahaha!

Did you hear about the origami store? It folded!

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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7/9/14 10:57 P

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Tiny, your Disorder in the Court one reminded me of reports I read when I worked for an insurance company. An example of a person's description of the cause of their accident:

"I was driving down the street, and the tree jumped out in front of me!"

Another explanation given by two teenagers about the condition in which they were found when a car hit their vehicle:

"We had pulled over to the side of the road when a car came speeding along and hit the back of our car very hard. It hit so hard, it tore our clothes off and threw us into the back seat."

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/9/14 11:11 A

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emoticon Great one PICKIE!

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7/8/14 3:37 P

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Middle age is when you suddenly find your parents are old, your kids are grown up and you haven't changed.

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7/8/14 11:44 A

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There is a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Some of these are excellent ...
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?
A: Gucci sweatshirt and Reeboks.



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7/7/14 5:14 P

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hearty-har-har!!

What has ears like a cat, a tail like a cat but is not a cat?

A kitten!

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/7/14 9:55 A

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See the nurses.
See the drinkers.
See the nurses nurse.
See the drinkers drink.
See the nurses drink.
See the drinkers nurse.
See the drinkers drinking drinks.
See the nurses nursing nurses.
See the drinkers drinking with nurses.
See the drinkers nursing their drinks.
See the nurses nursing the drinkers.
See the babies nursing.
See the nurses drinking drinks.
See the nurses drinking with nurses.
See the drinkers nursing nurses.


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7/6/14 11:36 P

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In the hospital, it's nurses who call the shots.

(My husband is in the hospital right now, and his nurses are truly outstanding!)

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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7/6/14 2:26 P

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There is a group of guys that love playing baseball. They play together for years and as life goes, the group gets smaller and smaller as the guys die off one by one. Finally there are only two left Bill and George. One day while they are throwing the ball around, Bill says "I wonder if they play baseball in heaven?" They decide that when one of them passes he will try to let the other know. Well Bill passes and when George is at the viewing he hears Bill whisper, "Hey George" George says, " is that you Bill?" Bill Says"Yep, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that all the guys are here and we do indeed play baseball everyday. The bad news is that you are hitting first on Wednesday."

There needs to be understanding that anger never helps to solve a problem. It destroys our peace of mind and blinds our ability to think clearly. Anger and attachment are emotions that distort our view of reality.-Dali Lama


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/6/14 2:12 P

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My nephew says he wants his girlfriend to be like petroleum: light, sweet and a little crude.

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7/6/14 1:58 P

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Why does a dog wag its' tail? Because there is no one else to wag it for him.

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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/6/14 8:24 A

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Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair and every year Stumpy said, "Ya know, Mahtha, I'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane." And every year, Martha would say "I know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs .. and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So one year Stumpy says, "By Jeebers, Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, and if I don't go this time I may nevah go." Martha replies, "Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs ... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So the pilot overhears then and says, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE WORD, then I won't charge you. But just ONE WORD and it's ten dollars."
They agree and up they go... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does it one more time, and there is still no word... so he lands.
He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn't."
And Stumpy replies "Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out ... but ten dollahs is ten dollahs."

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7/5/14 8:33 P

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A lady in the office swallowed a keyboard. Now she's suffering from irritable vowel syndrome.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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7/5/14 4:33 P

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Sheep Farmer:
"How many sheep do yo need to make a sweater?"

Little Susie: "I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit!"

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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/5/14 4:05 P

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He might not be so bad; everybody knows that the way to get three flutes to play in tune is to kill two of them.

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7/5/14 9:39 A

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The world’s worst conductor was directing up his band during a practice for an upcoming concert. Half way through the first act he was directing with wild abandon when, out of his hand, his baton flew and impaled itself in the eye of a flute player instantly killing her. The police arrive shortly after and ruled the case as an accident. The following week at practice, he again was caught up in the music of the second act and out of his hand flew the baton, which this time struck a flute player in the eye instantly killing her. The police arrived and after consideration ruled the case an accident. The following week at practice the conductor again got lost in the moment of the music of the third act and out of his hand flew the baton this time hitting a trumpet player in the eye and killing him instantly. After the police arrived they could not believe that this was an accident after the third death, and the conductor was arrested. The conductor was tried and sentenced to death in the electric chair. After strapping him in the chair operator threw the switch, nothing happened. Again he threw the switch and nothing happened. The warden was frustrated by this time and demanded that the chair operator explain what the problem was, to which the chair operator explained, "Well, everyone knows he's a bad conductor



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7/4/14 5:51 P

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The best chimneys are known for the strength of their convections.

The best chefs are known on the strength of their confections.

The best caterers are known for the strength of their conventions.

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7/4/14 4:58 P

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom!

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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7/4/14 1:42 P

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What's black and white, black and white and green?
Three skunks fighting over a pickle.
emoticon emoticon

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7/4/14 10:10 A

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Nope they were talking about the Kentucky one.

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7/3/14 5:59 P

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My cousin went to the hardware store to buy nails for a project he was doing on the drywall in the house. As he was talking over the nails with the store owner, he asked, "now, is there a good mix of nails in this box, so I can work on all four walls?" The owner replied, "oh, actually, these nails are omnidirectional. If you run out of nails for the wall you're working on, you can change the orientation of the nails in the box by turning the box like this."

Tiny, were they discussing how to pronounce the name of the state's capitol?

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7/3/14 5:29 P

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I'd tell you a joke about a cow, but I always butcher it.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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7/3/14 3:20 P

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First cow: "Moo".

Second cow: "That's what I was gonna say." emoticon

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TINY67's Photo TINY67 Posts: 18,601
7/3/14 11:19 A

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Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louieville" and the other "Louiseville." They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, "Tell me the name of the place where I am right now really, really, really slowly." The waitress goes, "Bur-ger-King."



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7/2/14 2:42 P

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If you want to kill a chicken for dinner, you have to move faster than a speeding pullet.

emoticon Vrrrrrrrrrrooooooooom!

Edited by: WHITECAT19 at: 7/2/2014 (14:43)
The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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STPMOM's Photo STPMOM SparkPoints: (4,300)
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7/2/14 1:36 P

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an 83 yr old lady was pulled over by the police...
"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"
With a smile from ear to ear she replied, "Yes, but I had to get there before I forgot where I was going.."
the officer put his ticket book away and bid her a good day.


Smile God Loves You!!!


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/2/14 10:52 A

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What do they call the stuff on the floor of the barber shop on an Army base? War locks.

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7/2/14 10:09 A

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Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"




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7/2/14 1:02 A

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What illness do witches most often get? Crone's disease.

emoticon emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
7/1/14 7:09 P

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Which witches live in the desert? Sand witches.

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7/1/14 5:07 P

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Which witch is good when it's dark?

A lights-witch. emoticon emoticon

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7/1/14 6:49 A

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“Hi? Is this the mental hospital?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can I speak to Mr. Scott in room ten?
“One moment and I’ll connect you …. I’m sorry, Mr. Scott in not answering.”
“Good. That means I must have really escaped.”




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6/30/14 4:58 P

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Gas companies cannot fuel all of the people all of the time.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/30/14 4:29 P

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"Doctor, please help me," says an elderly patient. I have silent passage of gas every morning. I have silent passage of gas every afternoon, and I suffer from silent passage of gas at unpredictable time, like now for instance. "Doctor, can you help me?"

"Sure I can help you," the doctor says. "But first you need your hearing checked."



"NOTHING changes if nothing changes" Remember, while looking forward to reaching your destination you need to enjoy the journey.

With God, all things are possible.

PamB


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6/30/14 3:57 P

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What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?

It barked with de-light!

SIX YEARS SPARKING!!

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6/30/14 3:23 P

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On Independence Day, may the fourth be with you!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/30/14 9:22 A

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Bill was showing Joe, his son, the family album, and came across a picture of himself and his wife on their wedding day. “Was that the day Mommy came to work for us?” Joe asked.



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6/29/14 10:05 P

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My friend swallowed a cordless vacuum cleaner. They took her to the hospital, and she is picking up nicely.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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TENNESSEEWALKER's Photo TENNESSEEWALKER Posts: 856
6/29/14 11:52 A

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If a man runs the vacuum cleaner but a woman doesn't see it, did he really vacuum?

If a woman runs the vacuum cleaner but doesn't move any furniture, did she really vacuum?


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6/29/14 8:40 A

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Oh, Whitecat, I cannot hold a candle to that joke!!!

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6/29/14 8:07 A

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Kathy goes to her local bank, walks into the manager’s office, and says, “I want a loan; I am going to divorce my husband.” “Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces,” the manager says. “We offer loans only for things like real estate, appliances, automobiles, businesses, and home improvement.” Kathy interrupts: “Stop right there. This definitely falls into the category of ‘Home Improvement.

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6/28/14 10:57 P

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A new museum opened up to honor outstanding female soldiers. It's a WACs museum.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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