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3/20/12 8:51 A

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I cant share the abuse feelings--thankfully that didnt happen to me. But I wonder, what has required me/us to use the food for comfort like we do? Is it even important to find the THING? Could it be MANY things?
I know that my mother has confessed to me that when she had me, she was depressed. I am the youngest of two kids--and I suspect that my older, noisier and more demanding sister got all the lovin' my mom had to give. I think that unwittingly Mom kind of left me to my own devices.
As an infant--when I got fed--I bet that was one of the few times, I got love too---given my moms situation.
I am not angry towards my mom about that time--but I know that it must have shaped me. I think, when my mom gives me parenting advice--the anger does surface though.
MOTHERS!! UGH!!!!!! I wonder if i will do to my daughter what my mom did to me--not even knowing it.

Edited by: TRUEREINVENTED at: 3/20/2012 (09:00)
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3/19/12 10:03 P

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BEE - I so get what you mean about family. I know my husband doesn't and can't understand that something that happened so many years ago is having such a huge impact on me now. Heck, I don't always understand it. There was a beginning to this pain and grief so there has to be an end. And again today, I didn't eat about it. I got myself so upset I couldn't eat and I have to be off the hook upset for that to ever come about. emoticon

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3/19/12 9:16 P

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Jodiest-thank you so much for sharing your situation with me, I really appreciate it. It is always reassuring that you are not alone, even though I hate to hear anyone else suffering.
I totally agree with you about minimizing the situation in order to deal with it..I know that I do that but I think I also try and minimize it so that I dont seem weak to my family-I feel like they may think I make a big deal about it and it as only a one time thing but no one knows the impact that one time has on you unless you have experienced it. I feel like this is a safe place and I love being able to talk freely with everyone in this group. It is a huge help. emoticon




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3/19/12 7:17 P

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Bee - When I was 12 years old I was sexually assaulted by a friend of the people I babysat for. It was just that one time so I just decided it wasn't a big deal and kept walking. A chain of events happened in my life in the past year and especially the last month. This assault came crashing back to the forefront and I am having to deal with it for real now. I changed the day of the assault and was never the same again. I too have used food to hide from the intensity of the feelings of that and in order to become bigger than my attacker with the hopes of preventing this from happening again. That attack (in addition to the physical abuse I suffered at the hands of my mother) has colored every aspect of my life and I never even realized it. I am back in therapy and will get to the other side of this but it's going to hurt in the meantime. I still struggle with accepting that this one incident was such a big deal and yet I read of your molestation and am horrified and have no trouble at all seeing it was a big deal. But that's how this works. We minimize, I think in part, to make these incidents, these attacks, these violations palatable, manageable, easier to deal with.

I was blessed to meet TRUE about 2 years ago when we were both working through SY. We have both come a long way but I know I still have far to go. And since I don't believe in coincidence, I think all of us on in this Spark Group were brought together at this place and in this time because we are meant to learn from each other. Not everyone who eats compulsively was sexually abused, this disorder has many roots, but we all seem to end up in about the same place. And I believe we can work together to find our way out.

I am so glad to have all of you - TRUE and TBELL and BEE and anyone else who may be reading this and wants to come along.

Edited by: JODIEST at: 3/19/2012 (19:17)
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3/19/12 1:53 P

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Thank you so much for your support and advice, it means the world to me!




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3/19/12 1:32 P

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Bee--I too am soooo sorry that you were attacked by your uncle, and then having to deal with the consequences of the family fall out. Such Pain. I can see that you are trying so hard to understand, and thats great. However, dont worry so much about what label you want to put on the feelings. Do they need a label? Its probably a bunch of different feelings,yes? Anger/rage/confusion/violation/protection etc etc etc. So many feelings--that when you eat, you stuff down. Please dont try to do too much too fast--the first week of the online program is just to be AWARE. Be aware of the feelings. If not using the food is too scary--then dont worry about that now, just be aware of the feelings.
Thank you for sharing these intimate details of your life with us--we get that its tough and heavy information, and we also get that its private and important information, key information.
Obviously the connection that Dr. G talks about in his book--the protective layer--will be very important to you as you work through this. Keep reading, keep asking the questions, and keep observing.
And as far as not recognizing the feelings because we are sooooooooooo used to them? Yep--been there done that. :)
Take a look at JODIEST's blog : RECEDING DARKNESS....she describes how her life was very dark, but she didnt even KNOW it was dark, until she walked into the light.
Hang in there.

Edited by: TRUEREINVENTED at: 3/19/2012 (13:39)
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3/19/12 1:26 P

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I know that my weight is a consequence of the incident, I just dont know what to do with that. I am in the process of reading the book and I am sure that it will come up as I find I can relate to what is being said...but I just dont know what I feel, I dont know how to identify my feelings? that sounds so strange, maybe i have been feeding them for so long i just dont know what they are anymore. has anyone else had that happen?




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3/19/12 12:22 P

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Bee, I am sorry you had to go through this painful experience. I am also sorry you have had difficulty getting some of the support you have needed. Anonymity does allow us to speak more freely and feel comfortable with discussing these types of issues. Thanks for joining our group.

Is it possible that some of your isolation and insulation boil down to a lack of trust, since you were violated by someone you SHOULD have been able to trust?.

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3/19/12 11:46 A

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I defintely do hide behind food and the insulation of my fat. I realized last night when reading the book that I feel like I need to stay heavier so that I have something to focus on-weight loss because if I did not have that to focus on, I might have to focus on my real problem...I dont exactly know what my real problem is though. I was molested by an uncle when I was younger, blocked it out until I was pregnant and then started to have flashbacks and recall stuff. I told my parents which divided the family due to disbelief (my parents believe me but the rest of the family does not want to think about it-although i do think they believe it but they dont want it to ruin what they have as a family)i have done a couple of years of counselling but i have not been intimate with my hubby for a couple of years (i know this is a lot of detail but for some reason its easier to write it to you then to talk about it with someone i know) so i know that the ordeal still affects me on some level..a lot of times i tell myself that it was only one time why am i making such a big deal out of it...i know that it has a lot to deal with my weight, my lack of friends and my emotional eating. i am just not sure what feelings i am trying to avoid....




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3/19/12 10:49 A

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I agree with you. It IS about the food and it IS about the emotional coping. Sometimes more one than the other.

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3/19/12 9:49 A

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Tiffany--let me encourage you in this process. I have been involved with SY for TWO YEARS. When I first did the online program--I was all about the emotional aspect of this--I used to proclaim ITS NOT ABOUT THE FOOD--( ask JodieST) and thats true--kinda. Like you, I was really looking for ways to get the same feeling from something ELSE that I was getting from the food. There really wasnt much. FOOD hit the spot at the time--nothing like a good binge. That was 2 years ago--and in honest truth its taken me two years to work through this stuff. I get so much more now--in truth, it IS about the food--kinda--and IT IS about dealing with the emotional stuff--it all kind of stream line and fits together--dovetails. one affects the other.
I am still looking for things that soothe me like a good binge does/did. But i guess, since I am handling that 'red hot' better--i need less soothing on a regular basis. The wounds are running freely-and so they have stopped festering.
WHen I suggest Subway or precut veggies--I dont suggest them as a 'calgon take me away' moment--I suggest them for ease and for less work if I am feeling stressed and that nobody is looking after me.
However--i think we all need Calgon Take me Away moments--nothing wrong really with enjoying a nice meal, that somebody else has prepared--is there? Food is meant to be enjoyed--the problem though, is that we USE it to cope....its hard drawing the line when normal exists, and dysfunction takes over, isnt it?

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3/18/12 10:30 P

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Laura, to answer your question, yes and no. I have voluntarily insulated myself. I dont try to make new relationships (or, it seems, properly nurture the ones I have) The fewer relationships, the fewer expectations of me and the fewer expectations i have of my relationships. It is bittersweet. I wish a lot of things were different and to some degree they are changing.

I think it is a slippery slope to reward myself with food. Or to use food as a "Calgon, take me away" moment. In times when I have less willpower- and those times are on the horizon--I won't be satisfied with Subway, or precut veggies and I will still have the habit of food seeking. SOMEHOW, I have to figure out a way to sever that chain.

Edited by: DAUGHTEROFTWIN at: 3/18/2012 (22:31)
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3/18/12 9:03 P

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Beesmum--your relationship status declaration was interesting. You said...it was sad, then you said that you did it on purpose, then you said that you are OK with it. Sounds to me that you are little bit ambivelant about the fact thatyou dont have close female friends.? Would you like some? why do you think you keep people at a distance? are you protecting something? Do you hide behind food, do you think? I do for sure--its easy to hide behind food...temporarily anyway. :)

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3/18/12 8:28 P

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It is interesting to be discussing our relationships with others. I have no close friends at all. That sounds so sad. I am married and have an 8 year old daughter, but I have no close friends...with the exception of my mom and husband. I prefer it that way too. As I look back at my adult life, I can see how I have managed to keep my general friends at a distance without letting anyone get too close. Although I am rather new to the Shrink Yourself program and am still in the midst of reading the book, everything Dr. Gould has to say really resonates with me. I am so glad I found you guys on SP and Dr Gould.




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3/18/12 10:04 A

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Tiffany--are you OK with few friends and being insulated? I am a bit like you--I have maybe 2/3 colose friends and thats it. I much rather be alone then with people. I too have no sig. other--most of the time that suits me just fine, but i would like someone to sweep out my garage. :) I find it interesting that you think it easier to ask for help from family than friends--your family must not be critical. I would never ask my mom and sister for help--I would hear about it for years AND they would be all worried about me and meddle more than they do--and it would give them ownership of my life--they would think.
What struck me most about this blog that he wrote--was that he pinpointed so exactly what hte binge is often about. A sense of entitlement--a kind of " well, if nobody ELSE will look after me, I guess I have to look after myself--stuff stuff stuff" how interesting that we see eating like that as looking after ourselves?? What I do now, when I feel that way--is get myself a big sub from Subway--its 560 calories, filling and because I am buying it, I feel decadent--and its like a treat.
OR--perhaps we could buy some really nice gourmet type food? or pre-packaged veggies ( saves chopping etc) so that we DO treat ourselves with food ( since we think thats the key) but we arent binging. Thoughts?????

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3/18/12 12:36 A

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I have few friends and no sig other. Well insulated in my little cave, huh? My support system is family. I think it is definitely easier to ask for help from family then friends. I don't know that I'm direct about it, though. As far as work goes, I really need more feedback from the bosses, but they are too busy and I don't want to ask and seem insecure or fishing for compliments. .

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3/17/12 7:01 P

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I think, again, it's a both/and proposition rather than an either/or. I think we try to do set boundaries and find other methods of satisfying needs. I also think there are times when we just don't get our needs met and we have to just suck it up and be uncomfortable.

BLECH!

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3/17/12 4:18 P

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Ok Confusion. Whats the solution then? If we want to stop using the food, and we elimiate that choice, we are left with 2 options.
1) We can start asking for help, and setting boundaries OR
2) We can not change that behaviour--but seek and find OTHER ways to soothe ourselves or OTHER ways to take care of ourselves and not use the food.

Or--maybe its healthier to do BOTH? Maybe there are times in our lives, and situations that will require us to be strong and capable and pick up the burden alone ( me last fall) and so I should find other ways to soothe myself, or maybe there will be times in our lives when we could ask for help, and we should and we wont need to find alternate means of soothing.
Thoughts??

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3/17/12 4:02 P

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I'm not saying I don't do it at home, I think I just do it more at work. And the reason for both is the fear of the answer. What if I ask for help at work and my bosses decide that I should be able to handle it and I get fired? What if I ask for my needs to be met at home and my husband says no? Then I have to make a decision about our relationship.

Will either of these things happen? Probably not but it's so hard to step beyond that fear for me.

Are we programmed to be martyrs? Yeah, I think to some extent we are or else we are supposed to do everything and not resent it.

Edited by: JODIEST at: 3/17/2012 (16:05)
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3/17/12 1:57 P

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Dont get me wrong--I wasnt suicidal or even depressed--there was some major crap going on with my kid--and I lived/breathed her issues. Living with such dissapointment, rage, and confusion were very difficult--and the weight of my job, to turn this kid around--or rather to get her back on the right path--but this time with a new understanding of the issues--was my ONLY Focus. Now-she has stabilized and I am/we are BOTH in recovery from that ordeal.
I did ask for help during that time period from my 'partner' ( long story) but he let me down too--and yes, like you--I NEVER ask for help. Geneen Roth ( I know Jodie doesnt care for good ol' Geneen but I kinda like what she has to say for the most part) makes a big deal about asking for help. But no--I dont like to ask for help. I want ppl to think that I am strong, and capable and can DO IT ALL. For the most part, I do. :) and I am like that...but lately, because of the crap happening with the kid--I have had to put down some of my defenses and ask. Most of the time, its ok--but I dont like it.
I dont know why that is--Jodie probably does, she has investigated the co-dependent thing for longer than myself. I think yes, in addition to me wanting them to think I am too magnificent to need help--I am also afraid they will say NO. Also, I think, I am afraid of having it thrown back in my face--that one time I needed help. And maybe--I want the satisfaction of Not NEEDING help. And maybe maybe maybe--I feel that I dont deserve help. It just makes me uncomfortable..even when I had major surgery--I rather risk injury then have a friend get groceries, or clean my house for me....I didnt ask for help then, either.
Now though--I am learning to--and its really ok. Although, I still do it with hesitation and reluctance.
I have a very strong Messiah complex as well. ( learned about THAT on SY online program)
Tiffany, do you let some people meet your needs and not others? If you are in a relationship--do you have trouble asking for help from that person too? what about family members?
Jodie--what do you think that you do it at work, but not at home?
Generally do you think as women, we are programmed to be martyrs??

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3/17/12 1:34 P

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"It was my reward for living." Wow. That statement is so weighted. It strikes a chord with me. It conveys your pain and dissapointment powerfully.

Do you ask directly for what you need from others, Laura? Do you feel they will reject your request or let you down? Dr. Gould suggests we make those requests and allow others to help us meet our needs.

Asking is very hard for me. So is accepting. I think it stems from a fear of rejection or scorn by others. So instead, I tend to head for the Big Mac binge instead of trying to figure out a solution to the problem.

What do you all think?


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3/17/12 12:52 P

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•When your life is devoid of joy overeating can feel like the only reward you get for putting up with so much pain and disappointment.

This was me this fall--despite ALL i KNEW....eating was the only reward that worked for me in the coping department. My life was full of pain and dissipointment..and eating was the one thing that gave me peace/excitement and satisfaction. It was my reward for living.


•When you don't get enough time to yourself, a late night binge can feel like a decadent time where you are only focused on pleasing yourself.

This was me all my life. dealing wtih other people-stressful situations--eating calmed down down and it was ALL ABOUT ME. MY thing. MY pleasure. SCREW YOU WORLD, I was saying..this is MY TIME.

Wow--I think i KNEW This, he just puts it so well.

OK--but SO WHAT???? what do I do with this information??

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3/17/12 7:35 A

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Okay, this used to be me alllllllll day long. I was the uber giver and mad as heck about it. And I'm not saying I don't still do it, I sure do, I don't think you ever give this up entirely but now I do it at work more than at home. For instance, because we were short handed on my team at work for about 8 months I was so stressed out, and doing so many extras, that I became ill. When my doctor told me I was ill, I told her she was wrong. Really? That has to be the best denial I have ever been in. And would I ask for help at work? No, it's okay, I'll just keep marching and do what I can. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So, this my 50th year, I vow to say no whenever it suits me. No! No! No! I'm getting good at this :)

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3/16/12 8:29 P

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Overeating and Care Taking

SUNDAY, MARCH 11, 2012 | POSTED BY DR. GOULD




It is common for emotional eaters to exhibit "people-pleasing" or "co-dependent" behavior. While there are many varied definitions for these two words the fact is that they are loaded with negative connotations. But the one thing that is true about them both, is that they indicate a tendency to do for others at the cost of one's self.

Based on the stories I hear everyday, I know that many of you are overwhelmed and exhausted with daily responsibilities that include taking care of others (children, parents, spouses, bosses, co-worker, etc.) And you also have your own issues of physical pain, emotional well-being, financial stability and other challenges to contend with. There are so many things that have to get taken care of that it can feel overwhelming to even begin to understand what taking care of YOURSELF would look like.

Keep in mind, that there is fine line between being a giving and care taking person and being taken advantage of, or quite simply giving too much.

Consider these questions:

•Does your "giving" leave you feeling empty or resentful?


•Do you feel unappreciated or sucked dry at the end of the day?


•Do you wish that someone would do for you what you do for others?


•Do you have little time left for joy, play or laughter?

If you are an "over giver," you might not have the skills to take good care of yourself or the confidence to make yourself a priority. You could also be surrounding yourself with people who have a tendency to take too much. And it's likely that you have a hard time saying NO and setting healthy boundaries for yourself.

If this sounds like you, then it's time to recognize and understand how deeply linked care taking is to overeating.

•When your life is devoid of joy overeating can feel like the only reward you get for putting up with so much pain and disappointment.


•When you don't get enough time to yourself, a late night binge can feel like a decadent time where you are only focused on pleasing yourself.


•When you give so much that it leaves you empty, food can feel like it fills you up.


•When your needs aren't met, food can be one obvious need that you know how to give yourself.


•When you don't consistently make your health and well-being a priority, you might stick to a sensible eating plan for a little while, but will abandon it when someone seems to need something or has a crisis.

It's critically important to find some small act that you can do everyday to take better care of yourself, in order to reverse the pattern of over giving and over eating.

•Accept help from others.


•Ask for what you need in a direct way.


•Establish clear boundaries of what you are willing to do and not willing to do.


•Practice saying "NO." (Buy yourself some time by saying "I need to check my calendar" or "I will get back to you on that.")


•Discover ways to foster and express your creativity.


•Connect to sources of love, reward, relaxation or peace.

Maintaining healthy eating and exercise habits is the best way to love yourself and make your needs a priority. You are worth all of the care, time and attention that you give others.


How can you take better care of yourself today?


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3/13/12 6:11 P

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HI

YES THEY ARE
BE JEWELS IS NUMBER ONE IN AMERICA .

SO EASY SO FUN , YOU CAN PURCHASE AND DOWN LOAD .
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED BUY BE JEWELS 3

SO MANY GAMES GET YOUR MONEYS WORTH

HE WILL COVER YOU WITH HIS FEATHERS ,AND UNDER HIS WINGS
YOU WILL FIND REFUGE,HIS FAITHFULNES WILL BE YOUR SHIELD AND RAMPART psalm 91:4


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3/12/12 9:57 P

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Bray--- are those computer games?

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3/12/12 8:08 P

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FOR MEI USE BEJEWELS GAME
AND THE ALCHANY GAME emoticon

HE WILL COVER YOU WITH HIS FEATHERS ,AND UNDER HIS WINGS
YOU WILL FIND REFUGE,HIS FAITHFULNES WILL BE YOUR SHIELD AND RAMPART psalm 91:4


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3/11/12 10:06 P

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I love how he has broken it down into the 3 main reasons. For me, they all interplay with each other--in the fall--when i was binging regularly I did it to shut out the world. Feeling good was also a pretty important motivator. However--what lies eh? when did binging ever make me feel good for longer than it took to stuff the food into my mouth....
For me mostly though, I would say its to shut out the world.
However--if we know WHY we are binging for that moment...we can perhaps find another mode of escape--for me that would be watching a movie in a theatre--the ulitmate escape.

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3/11/12 7:19 P

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THIS IS A GREAT ARTICLE
THATS HOW I FELT WHEN I WAS A SMOKER
IT WAS FOR COMFORT AND STRESS .

HE WILL COVER YOU WITH HIS FEATHERS ,AND UNDER HIS WINGS
YOU WILL FIND REFUGE,HIS FAITHFULNES WILL BE YOUR SHIELD AND RAMPART psalm 91:4


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3/11/12 10:14 A

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"The perfect escape for the moment". Yes, that statement perfectly describes my relationship with food.

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3/8/12 6:31 P

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Why We Binge






In a study conducted by Harvard University in February 2007, it was determined that binge eating is the most common eating disorder. It is more common than either anorexia or bulimia and yet it is not discussed or understood fully. If you're a binge eater, you're not alone. It is something that millions of people struggle with. Keep reading and you'll see why binge eating is so common.

Binges appeal to people in two ways. One, is that they provide something that I call the "Food Trance." The food trance is the mind numbing experience that binging offers. Here are some of ways that people describe the food trance:

"In a food trance; I belong. I fit in. I'm somebody. I'm in love. I matter. I'm not inadequate. Happier times are remembered. I'm soothed."

"I feel like a zombie out for a pint of blood when I go for these 'feedings,' as though I am going for a heroin fix on the corner, but it is legal and in the grocery store. There is no one or no part of me that can stop me from doing what I am about to do."

"If I am all doped up on a food high, nothing else matters."

"The perfect escape for the moment. When I concentrate on what I am eating I don't have to deal with other emotions."

When you read some of the euphoric descriptions of the Food Trance you can understand why food can become an over-the-counter form of self-medication. It is legal and readily accessible to anyone who wants to make it their drug of choice. It makes you feel good for a little while. That little bit of relief feels worth it when you're running from an uncomfortable feeling (it can be depression, stress, loneliness, boredom, anger, rejection). For some people, they'll even push off their feelings and "deal" with them later on by binging. I call this a delayed binge. You might be frustrated at work and spend the whole day thinking about what you're going to eat when you get home.

When your mind is screaming with thoughts, you're willing to run into the comfort of food as a temporary safe-haven-anything for a few minutes of quiet. However, when you shut down your mind too many times with food, binging becomes a compulsion. That means your mind always believes it needs food to deal with stress. Once that happens, you can't control what you eat no matter how hard you try.

The second way that binging appeals to people, seems paradoxical on the surface. When the binge is over, you're filled with regret. Your mind plays a tape of how awful it was that you gave in to the binge. You probably know the words well. But that tape feels better (and more familiar) to your mind than the one that talks about the things you're afraid to face (that could be relationship issues, low self-esteem, career issues, unmet needs). The post-binge guilt gives you something else to think about.

Consider my patient "Roxy." She is 45 and has three children. She told me about a frustrating day at the mall with her sixteen-year-old daughter. Her response to the frustration was to binge on a whole box of donuts.

She told me, "I was so mad at her, what else could I do?" Roxy is very smart, but in spite of my prompting and questioning, she couldn't think of any other option but to binge. Her pattern of binging by stuffing down feelings with food was so deeply ingrained in her mind that it short-circuited her common sense. Binging felt like the only way to dial down her frustration and rid herself of angry thoughts toward her daughter. More than that, her guilt about the binge stopped her from feeling guilty about not being a good-enough mother-a mother that would intuitively know how to handle the situation with her daughter in a graceful and effective way.

The Three Causes of Binges:
•You binge to cope with your feelings.

•You binge to create the illusion of feeling good.

•You binge to feel "safe" or to shut out the world.

If you're a binge eater you probably already know the painful cycle of desperately wanting to binge, giving in to a binge, feeling remorse after a binge, and then promising yourself a binge will never happen again. Then you hate your -self when it does inevitably happen again. It's this cycle you need to understand before you can eat sensibly. Attempting to diet just sets you up for failure. First, you must understand how compulsive eating has been benefiting you. If you understand why you depend on binge eating, you'll be in a better place to let the pattern go and find better ways to deal with emotional hunger. Shrink Yourself will help you understand why you binge and more than that, it will give you the tools to stop.

You must understand that there is a part of you that feels afraid to let go of the binging cycle because you don't know what will happen to you if you don't have food to quiet your mind. I'm here to tell you that learning how to quiet one's mind is an essential part of adult development. When you learn how to do it, you're ready to give up binge eating. Not only will you lose weight, but the whole quality of your life can change for the better, too.




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3/7/12 6:45 A

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Jodie--I agree--happiness is one thing, contentment is another completely. Contentment is something that is in the core, happiness is something fleeting and momentary I think....

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3/6/12 6:21 P

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I'm going to defer to Abraham Lincoln on this one when he said, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Is it easier to feel happy when I feel thinner? Sure. But happiness, and maybe Dr. Gould should have used the word contentment, is more of a choice than a feeling, I think. Having said that, I'm not always good at making that choice.

Edited by: JODIEST at: 3/6/2012 (18:22)
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3/6/12 7:52 A

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Jodie--re: clothes--absolutely agree--I feel the same way about clothes that are too big. I dont think twice of putting them into a "for tailoring' pile and a 'get rid of' pile--I buy cheaply in the transition times but I for sure buy clothes-I deserve it AND I feel better.
RE: being happy--I agree too, kinda...for myself I cant be happy when I am using the food, feeling like crap and loathing getting dressed in the morning. How I feel about my body has a huge impact on how I feel about myself that day...I physically feel so horrible when I overeat--I cant 'be happy'. I think that its a spiral--feeling good, inspires me to continue to feel good..ya know?

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3/5/12 8:29 P

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I think there's great wisdom in choosing to be happy now. I remember all of the times I thought, I'd be happy if I were just 5 lbs or 10 lbs lighter and right then I was 20 lbs lighter than I am right now. All the time I've wasted postponing happiness for some time or weight to come along. Silly, really.

One of the ways I practice being happy right now (and treating myself well right now) is to NEVER wear clothes that are too small. I refuse to cram myself into a smaller size with the notion that 'I don't want to buy new clothes because I'm trying to lose weight.' The better I feel about myself, the more successful I'll be at everything, and I don't feel good about myself when my clothes are too tight. Besides, when I do lose weight, I deserve new clothes for my new figure.

Edited by: JODIEST at: 3/6/2012 (18:18)
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3/4/12 7:05 P

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Hey Team--take a look at POINT Number 5 from the blog....Thoughts on that??

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3/3/12 9:11 A

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NEW BLOG--FEB. 26As we have stated many times before, eating for emotional reasons is the number one reason why it's so difficult to keep to a healthy diet. However, the good news is that emotional eating is a learned behavior that can be understood and modified. It will take time and effort, but we can guide you through the process. Here are a few tips you can use in the mean time.

1. Become aware of the moments when you overeat.

Notice the difference between the times when you eat in a controlled way and the times when you overindulge. Is it when you're alone or in groups? At night or in the afternoon? When you're angry, tired, stressed or bored?

2. Pause.

Take a time-out when you're tempted to overeat and ask yourself the following questions: What am I really hungry for? Is food going to help me get what I really want? What else could I do besides eating?

3. Develop an inventory of other sources of comfort.

You eat to feel better because it works. You do feel better for a few moments after you eat, that is until the guilt settles in. Your mind offers it as an option because you haven't learned better, more effective forms of comfort. When you learn new ways, you won't need food. Start simple, like taking a hot bath or long contemplative walk.

4. Put the pieces of your life in order.

The more you know how to manage the details of your life (your past, your self-doubts, your finances, your relationships, your household, your family) the less you'll need the comfort of food.
Life can feel very overwhelming at times, so give up the perfectionist attitude and keep your focus on one thing at a time.

5. Be happy now.

People are under the false pretense that when they lose weight they'll be happy, but it actually happens in reverse. When you are content with who you are and how your life is going you're in a place to make mindful food choices and finally lose the weight you want to lose. Practice sitting still in a quiet place and think of only the happy moments in your life.



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3/1/12 6:53 A

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I think all methods of managing stress are on the table and will be part of me handling this anxiety. I think it will be both - something I deal with forever and something I can train myself not to have as much of - just like compulsive eating.

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2/26/12 9:11 P

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Re; anxiety--yep, Jodie--but given your upbringing--is anxiety something that is hard wired in to you and the best you can do is manage it with out the food? Ie wholly yoga, or eastern yoga ( wink) or meditation or something else?

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2/26/12 8:01 P

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I'm finding that I use food to deal with my anxiety disorder (which I believe has become an automatic and inappropriate response to things that happen in my life). Of course, there are issues under the anxiety - sometimes, so to keep the anxiety at bay, I graze eat (which I have now decided is really a sub-section of binge eating).

So, while I'm working on the food facet, I also need to address the anxiety and also my anxiety response to things that happen in my life. I think that's enough on my to do list for today.

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2/25/12 7:39 A

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OLD BLOG BUT WORTH DISCUSSING


"If I am all doped up on a food high, nothing else matters."
"When I feel inadequate, I eat... then I'm some body... I matter."
"When I concentrate on what I am eating I don't have to deal with other emotions."

Do any of these statements sound like you? If you're a binge eater, you're not alone. It is something that millions of people struggle with. It is more common than either anorexia or bulimia.

There are two main reasons why people binge. One is to cope with painful feelings and create the illusion of feeling good, and the other is to feel "safe" or to shut out the world.

The first thing a binge provides is something that I call the "Food Trance." The food trance is the mind numbing experience that makes you feel good for a little while. That little bit of relief feels worth it when you're faced with an uncomfortable situation, thought or feeling.

For some people, they'll even push off their feelings and "deal" with them later on by binging. I call this a delayed binge. You might be frustrated at work and spend the whole day thinking about what you're going to eat when you get home.

When your mind is screaming with unpleasant thoughts, you're willing to run into the comfort of food as a temporary safe-haven, anything for a few minutes of quiet. However, when you shut down your mind too many times with food, binging becomes a compulsion. That means your mind always believes it needs food to deal with stress. Once that happens, you can't control what you eat no matter how hard you try.

The second way that binging appeals to people, seems paradoxical on the surface. When the binge is over, you're filled with regret. Your mind plays a tape of how awful it was that you gave in to the binge. But that tape feels better (and more familiar) to your mind than the one that talks about the things you're afraid to face. The post-binge guilt gives you something else to think about.

Consider my patient Roxy, a 45 year old mother with three children. She told me about a frustrating day at the mall with her 16 year old daughter. Her response to the frustration was to binge on a whole box of donuts. She told me, "I was so mad at her, what else could I do?"

Roxy is very smart, but in spite of my prompting and questioning, she couldn't think of any other option but to binge. Her pattern of binging by stuffing down feelings with food was so deeply ingrained in her mind that it short-circuited her common sense. Binging felt like the only way to dial down her frustration and rid herself of angry thoughts toward her daughter. More than that, her guilt about the binge stopped her from feeling guilty about not being a good-enough mother.

If you're a binge eater you probably already know the painful cycle of desperately wanting to binge, giving in to a binge, feeling remorse after a binge, and then promising yourself a binge will never happen again. It is important to accept that there is a part of you that feels afraid to let go of the binging cycle, because you don't know what will happen if you don't have food to quiet your mind.

It is this emotional cycle and thinking trap that you need to understand before you can let go of the binging pattern. The first step is to understand how compulsive eating has been benefiting you. When you realize why you depend on binge eating, you'll be in a better place to let the pattern go and find better ways to deal with emotional hunger

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2/22/12 6:09 P

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The comment: "The simple truth is that relief from stress will always trump willpower"...is kind of depressing, no??


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2/21/12 7:53 P

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You're absolutely right and that's way more work than just following a diet but are there any other choices? I don't think so.

Edited by: JODIEST at: 2/21/2012 (19:54)
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2/21/12 7:18 A

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I dont think we even realize how we use the food to cope with the stress. Maybe every time we go 'off a diet' its not about the diet/hunger at all--its about the fact that we arent coping very well without the food, because we dont know we are using the food TOO cope.
Which makes me think--ok, so if we continually use food to cope--we have to attack this from two angles. 1) not getting so stressed/emotional/setting boundaries/acknowledging/not being bored/dealing with anger/dealing with the inner critic/dealing with self-esteem blah blah blah in the FIRST Place and then 2) what else can we do to get relief besides eat?? if nothing is as powerful--what are we going to do??? emoticon

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2/21/12 7:00 A

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"Even if neuroscientists create the very best possible appetite suppressant, it still won't work in keeping your weight off. Why? Because physical hunger is not the reason people overeat; the comfort and relief that food provides in times of stress, is."

Powerful stuff, that.

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2/20/12 8:25 P

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Why the experimental new diet pill will not keep you slim.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 2012 | POSTED BY DR. GOULD





A California based company hopes to bring an experimental new diet pill to the weight-loss market for the first time in over a decade, with the FDA expected to make its final decision in April.

Unfortunately, the problem of obesity can't be solved by continuously looking for a magic bullet in all the wrong places. And with the U.S. adult obesity rate currently sitting at 35% and climbing, it's very clear that most efforts to date have failed.

Even if neuroscientists create the very best possible appetite suppressant, it still won't work in keeping your weight off. Why? Because physical hunger is not the reason people overeat; the comfort and relief that food provides in times of stress, is.

Simply stated, we can suppress the biological appetite for food, but we cannot eliminate the desire to get relief from stress through food.

And that's how we've come to depend on willpower, asking ourselves to simply give up overeating as a comfort. This may work for a short time-until an individual's stress intensifies-at which point the need for food takes over, and an overeating or binge eating episode results.

The simple truth is that relief from stress will always trump willpower. This is hardwired human behavior.

This eating for relief from stress (emotional eating) is the elephant in the room that continues to be ignored while fad diets and miracle weight-loss cures monopolize the conversation. Meanwhile, the obesity epidemic continues to climb.

The reality is that emotional eating can be resolved with the correct approach. Individuals need to uncover the stresses that cause them to overeat, then be shown how to use their own native mental capacities and intelligence to manage that stress in a way that doesn't involve turning to food-which is the basis of the Shrink Yourself online program.

Let's hope that our focus on quick, easy weight-loss cures turns instead to the real issue driving obesity in this country-emotional eating-and reverses the very worrying trend we currently find ourselves in.

SPARKERS??? WHAT DO YOU THINK??? ARE YOU STILL DIETING??? OR ARE YOU WORKING AT CHANGING YOUR "HUNGER?"


Edited by: TRUEREINVENTED at: 2/20/2012 (20:36)
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2/19/12 2:30 P

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I can relate to that JST--its kind of like head down, hat over our ears, head into the wind--we lose sight of everything else. We need to STOP, look up and see whats around us and what things we can do to take care of ourself besides eat.
I used to really not WANT to admit that I am tired ( emotionally drained tired) and need a break. Now--I do admit it. Thats a start. What about you? what do YOU do thats a start?

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2/18/12 10:29 P

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I've been working on this issue, compulsive eating, for years and years and yet I'm still having revelations that seem...simple enough that I should have had them already.

Taking care of myself...hmmm...okay, this sounds obvious but the best way I can take care of myself is to track my food - at least right now. When I'm using food to dull my feelings, I don't even know what is real, I don't even realize that I'm not truly taking care of myself until I'm so tired and hopeless and weary that I feel battered. Things get dark so gradually that I truly don't notice until I have something to contrast with it - like consistent weight loss and hope.

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2/18/12 10:01 A

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WHY WHY WHY does reading about 'nurturing myself' or 'loving myself' or even taking care of myself ALWAYS make me tear up.
Who didnt look after ME when I was little? My mother??? and why do I find it such a rebellious thought if I say something like ' i need to look after ME today and do...." why is that? Why do I love being in the hospital so that ppl can look after ME. I am ALWAYS the giver in a relationship--and I have used food to look after me. What a distorted view that is! I am going to be more aware of this...and focus more on my needs and allowing myself to pamper myself.

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2/18/12 8:56 A

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Be Your Own Valentine

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2012 | POSTED BY DR. GOULD





According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated 1 billion Valentine's Day cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. Why not celebrate the spirit of the day by sending thoughts of love to yourself?

This day of love I take a vow...
To love myself despite the passing pain,
of anger, guilt, fear, or shame.

Better yet, write a poem or love letter to yourself! Or maybe just start a list of the qualities and attributes you like most about yourself, with the intention of adding more to it throughout the year. It's important to keep a positive perspective alive, even when you are struggling with the emotional pain that surrounds an obsession with food. Let's take a look at one of the origins of Valentine's Day, and why it might bring up some negative emotions for you.

It's not the official history, but it might be your personal history. Embedded in the minds of almost every adult, is the grade school experience of making little Valentine cards for your classmates. You had to figure out what to say and to whom to give them to. And if you had a small crush, whether to admit it or not. You wondered or worried about who was going to write a card for you. In your small person's brain you were already thinking about rejection and disappointment.

Many of my patients, and members of the Shrink Yourself community, still suffer from painful memories and self-doubts that formed in those early years. Instead of building confidence in themselves, they continue to wonder whether or not there was (or still is) something wrong with them, that makes them unworthy or unlovable.

Unfortunately, the negative self image that was imprinted on the brain as a child, continues to adversely influence the adult 30-40-50 years later. It didn't all happen on Valentine's Day, but it did happen in those early years. That's when questioning issues of popularity and self-image are being played out in the social setting of kindergarten and the early years of grade school.

The Shrink Yourself Program will help you get a better understanding of those emotional patterns that where set up in childhood, and guide you on a journey to do something about them. As you reclaim confidence and pride in yourself, you will significantly diminish your self-doubts and improve your self-image. As you learn to love yourself better, you can look forward to sharing more love with others, and not just on Valentine's Day.


How can you be good to yourself on Valentine's Days?

SO SPARKERS??? HOW CAN WE BE GOOD TO OURSELVES EVERY DAY????







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