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LADYANDREA2012's Photo LADYANDREA2012 SparkPoints: (52,047)
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11/27/10 10:09 P

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Hello Chris!!! Thank you so much for your understanding, word of support and suggestions. I really appreciate them. I understand what you are trying to let me know. The thing is, as you said, the feelings of loneliness are killing me. I will keep working on my on-line program to reach to the point where you are. Please keep advising; you are doing it great, I does not bother me, as I said before, I appreciated it a lot!!!!

Carmen
From lovely San Juan, Puerto Rico and loving the beach!!!

There's nothing wrong with using the word "diet". It comes from the Greek word "diaita", meaning way of life. So to lose weight and keep it off we need to change our way of life.



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CTUPTON's Photo CTUPTON SparkPoints: (116,591)
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11/27/10 7:47 P

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Thank you! I am always nervous that my good intentions will offend someone.

GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight. HOW? By not eating added sugar, using Omega3s, base meals on veggies, water aerobics at least 3X week and using NuStep when I can't get to the pool.

CAREGIVER HELP SEE THE LINK PLEASE www.agingcare.com/

30 lbs. gone. Now to work on the next 10 lbs.


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SLENDERELLA518's Photo SLENDERELLA518 Posts: 154
11/27/10 5:04 P

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Hey Chris, the whole idea behind that Susan Page book is EXACTLY what
you're talking about. It's about accepting that our husbands (for better AND for worse) are not projects to be fixed, and how we can move on from there. Easier said than done, LOL, but my change in perspective, rather than any changes in my husband, have made all the difference.
I think that's the true beauty for me of the Shrink Yourself program. It has encouraged me to look at my life in a new way, and is transforming me from being a victim to being a victor. It's a miracle, I'm telling you!!!
VERY HAPPY that you chimed in, and I'm hoping that anyone reading will add
to this thread also.

Sue


Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (NIV)


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CTUPTON's Photo CTUPTON SparkPoints: (116,591)
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11/27/10 5:01 P

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I don't know you at all, but I have sure had experience feeling lonely and powerless. ShrinkYourself online is very helpful to analyze this and to take action.

I have 2 other ideas: One, I learned from Alanon after 8 years of going there: it is you can't change the other person. You can only change yourself. I am hearing a distance between you and your husband. He seems like most men to be oriented toward action. Many guys don't see the powerful emotions that send women to shrinks. I know I always wanted to chat with my husband and figure out my life's problems with him. He wasn't interested. I thought if he loved me, he'd participate to resolve my anxiety. You have heard of men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Love of the other person is not at stake. We "just" speak different languages. Number 2 suggestion is about shrink yourself teachings. It says we are not powerless at all. It is fake powerlessness. We can solve our problems and lessen our anxiety. There are suggestions there to get a person started in the right direction. Your online teaching project sounds perfect.

I hope you did not mind me butting in. I hope at age 63 and married for 38 years I can offer a bit of advice from having been there. Since I stopped trying to change my husband, I have been much happier. I often still feel alone and frustrated but I don't expect him to spend hours chatting like girlfriends do. Good luck. Just ignore my words if they don't ring true for you. It is great you are reaching out here at sparkpeople. If my words have not helped, I am sure there are others who can give you good advice. Chris emoticon

GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight. HOW? By not eating added sugar, using Omega3s, base meals on veggies, water aerobics at least 3X week and using NuStep when I can't get to the pool.

CAREGIVER HELP SEE THE LINK PLEASE www.agingcare.com/

30 lbs. gone. Now to work on the next 10 lbs.


 current weight: 246.0 
 
246
243.25
240.5
237.75
235
LADYANDREA2012's Photo LADYANDREA2012 SparkPoints: (52,047)
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11/27/10 11:58 A

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I am considering on developing a Home Based and On - Line Bossiness, or contracting a lawyer to fix the school situation I had in August that left me out of school, this year, so I can go back to school work next academic year; Although I love my Sparking and Spark friends, it keeps me motivated every minute of the day.

Carmen
From lovely San Juan, Puerto Rico and loving the beach!!!

There's nothing wrong with using the word "diet". It comes from the Greek word "diaita", meaning way of life. So to lose weight and keep it off we need to change our way of life.



 August Minutes: 545
 
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SLENDERELLA518's Photo SLENDERELLA518 Posts: 154
11/27/10 11:44 A

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I hear what you're saying.

Have you considered doing at home tutoring?

I've been a stay at home wife and mom for 20 years and now work alongside my husband. It's hard to have what feels like a subservient role, but I even wonder if that is true or not.

Sue


Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (NIV)


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LADYANDREA2012's Photo LADYANDREA2012 SparkPoints: (52,047)
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11/27/10 11:35 A

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Thank you so much Sue!!!

I will look up the book. I love self help books and I love reading and learning.

Regarding my unworthiness, I can tell you that I think the reason for it is, that as I am not working as a teacher anymore I depend on my husband so much, and I need to wait when he wants me to wait for whatever it is.

I do not feel as productive as I was when I was going to school, dealing with my students, its parents and their situations. I hate being so depending upon my husband; I feel like I am asking for a permission every time I am going to do something. In this way I do not feel like an adult woman anymore, instead I feel like an adolescent constantly asking for permissions and things; it is like I do not have my proper criteria being a homemaker and depending upon him.

I hope your understand what I am trying to explain.

Thank you so much for lending me your ear and supporting me. I really appreciate it a lot. It means a lot for me, at this time. Kind of helping me sort things out.

Carmen
From lovely San Juan, Puerto Rico and loving the beach!!!

There's nothing wrong with using the word "diet". It comes from the Greek word "diaita", meaning way of life. So to lose weight and keep it off we need to change our way of life.



 August Minutes: 545
 
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58.75
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SLENDERELLA518's Photo SLENDERELLA518 Posts: 154
11/27/10 10:49 A

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Oh my gosh, PLEASE don't apologize!!! That's what the group is here for !!

It's very tough when people don't accept our words as truth. Feeling misunderstood is another reason why I binge.

I hear that you had intentions for the day and now you can't do any of that.
I understand your feeling powerless and frustrated. But why unworthy?

You have an opportunity to be spontaneous and make this a good day, even
if you are not able to do what you would have liked. There's a great book that
another Shrinker has recommended and it has helped me so much. It's by Susan Page and it's called "when talking is not enough". I have found it to be very helpful in my marriage. Maybe it's something that will help you, too.
I don't mean this to be an easy answer, Carmen. I just want you to know that
although I can't help, I am feeling you, and you ARE worthy.


Sue


Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (NIV)


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LADYANDREA2012's Photo LADYANDREA2012 SparkPoints: (52,047)
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11/27/10 10:37 A

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I am all alone by myself today, again. Noel got a Christmas bonus and he decided to use it to fix his car and he had been up to it since yesterday. I am not sure if I will be able to take Jean Daniel to his swimming lessons, cause Noel has my car, and cause he has my car today, I can not even go to the craft's store to buy the things I need to finish my Christmas project.

Oh my, I am feeling so unworthy, today, so powerless and so frustrated that I miss working out of the house. No working anymore is giving Noel such much power over me and I am starting to see it and not only seeing, I am feeling it. I feel that there is no more a relataship here and I have not mention it before cause it is so hard for me to face it, but I am feeling it, I am confused and not knowing what to do.

I tried to talk with him, but he only answered me I am exaggerating, but I know I am not. It is like living 2 parallel life and they do not join in any point like a 2 lane street, that you can go near a car but never get together, unless you crash it. I am sorry to spill this out onto you team, but this is the way things are in my soul so far, and I need to share it, or I may end up eating over it. So I apologize.



Carmen
From lovely San Juan, Puerto Rico and loving the beach!!!

There's nothing wrong with using the word "diet". It comes from the Greek word "diaita", meaning way of life. So to lose weight and keep it off we need to change our way of life.



 August Minutes: 545
 
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SLENDERELLA518's Photo SLENDERELLA518 Posts: 154
11/27/10 10:30 A

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How interesting that we have the same two beliefs~
love me first, and then I will lose weight (this is huge for me)
and
food is the only pleasurable thing I have, so I'm not giving it up.

I am so sorry that you're feeling lonely. Tis the season for that, unfortunately.
I sometimes find that even with a roomful of people I can feel lonely and drawn
to the food, as comfort.
I do think that we can begin to find other ways to comfort ourselves, though,
and that should be our goal. Maybe it won't give us that immediate numbing that we are used to with the food, but it can soothe us.

Do you want to talk more about your loneliness? We're all here to listen.

Sue


Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (NIV)


 current weight: 166.6 
 
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LADYANDREA2012's Photo LADYANDREA2012 SparkPoints: (52,047)
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11/27/10 10:21 A

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Hello Sue!!!

How are you doing? Thank you fro posting on this topic. rEgarding this, there are 2 ways I can identify I use food to rebel and those are:

1. Love me first, and then I will lose weight.

2. Food is the only pleasurable thing I have, so I'm not giving it up.

I feel so lonely right now that I am afraid to fell of the wagon with specially the second one. It is like this is the one thing I can hang right now.

Thank you for posting on this topic and made me reflect on it. Hope everyone will join in the discussion and we can get new ideas and insights on how to handle it.



Carmen
From lovely San Juan, Puerto Rico and loving the beach!!!

There's nothing wrong with using the word "diet". It comes from the Greek word "diaita", meaning way of life. So to lose weight and keep it off we need to change our way of life.



 August Minutes: 545
 
0
58.75
117.5
176.25
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SLENDERELLA518's Photo SLENDERELLA518 Posts: 154
11/27/10 9:27 A

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Six Ways You Use Food to Rebel

As you know, the angry rebellious self gets activated for a variety of reasons and acts that anger out through food and eating. Some people didn't get the independence or nurturance they needed early on, and now they assert their will, or they test the love coming to them, by eating in opposition to the demands of others. Some people eat because they want attention they didn't get, and they know wanton eating can do the trick. In some cases, the defiant self just stonewalls the expectations and demands it finds offensive.

In almost all cases the aggression itself is masked and disguised. Here are some of the most common theme-songs of the rebellious self:

Love me first, and then I will lose weight.
They made me this way, so I can't change.
I'll get back at them.
I'm not this body.
Food is the only pleasurable thing I have, so I'm not giving it up.
If I can't be perfect, I'd rather be fat.
In the book, we go into each of these six areas in depth and offer you solutions to reverse this kind of rebellious thinking.

When you rebel as an adult, you only hurt yourself.
Which of these ways of rebellion do you relate to?

Sue


Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (NIV)


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