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1/21/14 5:42 P

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*hugs Lynn*

I know it's hard, and it sucks. Losing weight on meds is possible, though.. you just have to work at it. It must suck to see your hubby eating whatever he wants and losing weight. Geo (the hubby) eats a ton but gains weight. He's 556 pounds. I work at it... I used to be 280 and now I'm down into the low 220's. It's been a long journey with gaps and setbacks, but now that I'm working on it, it doesn't seem too bad.

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1/20/14 1:13 P

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I'm feeling a little discouraged and could use some motivation. I've been bipolar probably all my life but found out about 8 years ago. About a month ago my Doctor finally found the right combination of meds. for me. For once in my life my mind is clear, my outlook on life has significantly improved and my memory has returned..somewhat. No matter how much I've changed my attitude, eating habits and exercising, I cannot seem to lose weight. I'm actually up some :( What makes it worse is my husband started the same time as me and even though he goes WAY over his calories each day he has lost 7 pounds. Totally not fair. I'm almost positive the problem is the medication and I just need to work harder at my goal, but it's so hard.

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5/16/13 10:09 A

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Thanks everyone for sharing with me some ideas to get me off to a better running.
Kim: I do agree that it is natural for me to feel down because of all my plans not working out. Unfortunately with the price of gas here, it's $60 for a round trip into the city for visiting, which is not that affordable currently. When I was in the hospital we went $10,000 into debt just in parking and running back and forth to the hospital. It's paid off now and we're working on other bills that got behind. We have a lot of friends out here that we spend our weekends with. It's my old pals back home that only get to see me about once a month. Last year we were in the city twice a month. Now after the busy season is done, we'll probably be able to get in a little more often, but we're also planning on being in for 2 weeks over Xmas and New Years. What my husband has suggested is using FaceTime or Skype just to keep in touch with them in the meantime. I know what you mean about isolating and I don't want to go there again! Thanks for your questions, it did make me think about priorities.
Larissa: I'm glad to say I'm sleeping alright, usually when I get depressed I oversleep which happened yesterday. I had a bit of a stomach issue with Ryan also has so we're assuming it's some type of flu. Sunlight really does help! I went into work for the afternoon and Ryan and I went for a walk before dinner, so it really was nice to get out and my mood was elevated. Thanks very much for your help!
Roses17: I get a bit depressed too around winter, but it's mainly Christmas and New Years where I'm really feeling bad. I guess just up where I am, everything gets really brown and disgusting outside the window during the first few months of spring and that's what puts me off. Our temperatures in the winter here are around -25C so on some warm days I'm willing to go snowshoeing and have fun but on a daily basis at work our heat sucks so you have to dress in layers (and in the summer we have no a/c and it gets to +30C). I'd say at work is where I feel most depressed around winter-time (but isn't that normal, lol!)
Thanks again, Team!

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5/16/13 8:11 A

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I get more depressed in the winter months because there is nothing to do outside and usually the weather is rotten. The rest of the time, I can usually find something to do outside even if it has to be either in the morning or late afternoon.

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5/15/13 9:04 P

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I would try and go outside more often. Sunlight seems to help people, and going for a walk when the weather is nice helps as well. I used to get depressed in summer and manic in fall, opposite of a typical bipolar. My cycles has shifted a bit, but I still do get depressed a bit this time of year. I try my best to fight it using exercise, food and medication. How are you sleeping? Some people oversleep (like me) and others undersleep. If you are not getting enough sleep, then maybe ask your doctor for something to help. *hugs* I hope you feel better soon!

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5/15/13 7:41 P

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hi there. i'd say what you are feeling is kind of normal given your circumstances. you had done all this prep work and phone calls and schedule and travel arranging b/c of some procedure that could be postponed ... and then you had to turn right around and undo all those rearranging things.... and it's natural to be sad if you're not going to be seeing friends and family that you thought you were.

is it possible to still see them? at least briefly? so that all doesn't feel lost .. especially if you're husband is going to be busy with construction all "summer" ... it would really help you to reconnect with loved ones and be social ... sometimes the worst thing we can do for ourselves is isolate and ruminate

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5/15/13 6:49 P

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Hey there,
I live in Canada, so Spring just recently appeared last week (after a massive 40cm dump of snow dried up). I've been super cranky the last 2-3 weeks (and my period isn't for another week), and I was wondering if anyone else was feeling depressed rather than euphoric.
I was feeling excessively depressed today and I think that it might be due to stress. My husband had an operation coming up in 2 weeks and I got him to call the doctor to confirm everything, just to make sure. We would be missing a week of work. Turns out it was just a consultation, so I moved that to October (he's in construction and it's really busy now until then). All the plans I had made had to be switched around which was no fun...I had planned on seeing relatives and friends while he healed up and so I had to let them know it was all being canceled. Which I hate doing!
So....anyone else get depressed this time of year? Thinking back it's always been something that happens for me but by August I feel kind of back to normal.


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4/16/13 6:53 A

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I think the explosions at the Boston Marathon were horrific. You can't even enjoy a public sport anymore without having to be on the lookout for your and everybody else's safety. I hate that it happened. My cousin had planned on running in it but had enough sense to go to work. She said that it was hard getting off of the base yesterday as they had beefed up security. I just think this is horrible.

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2/8/13 12:05 P

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thanks. as i was going through my medical records last night in prep for an appointment today .. i saw the ER notes from 2/4/98 and 2/4/99 ... made me wonder if he thought i was lying about that stuff. ... but no matter.. he hasn't responded at all .. not text and not okcupid ...

as the saying goes ... "if someone wants to be in your life, they'll be there. don't reserve a spot for someone who makes no effort to occupy it."

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2/8/13 10:46 A

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Tell me about it. I read what you wrote in the February thread. I'm really sorry that happened to you. You deserved to be treated better than that.

What I really hate is that he made contact with me first, and he was the first one to say I really like you - I want to know you better. He so wanted to take me out to dinner to celebrate my birthday. Just when I let my guard down and started letting myself feel - BAM. Going on the dating site makes me nauseous, and of course the next dude who was interested was a toad. Instead of trying to get to know me, all he was interested in was pictures. I haven't said a word to my parents regarding it because they'll go overboard with stuff. I've just talked to one of my sisters.

I don't know. It's like I feel humiliated and ashamed, and angry, and sad, and I thought I was strong enough to try dating again. I don't know if I want to even keep my profile up.

Edited by: ISEECHANGE at: 2/8/2013 (12:10)
ISEECHANGE



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2/7/13 9:24 P

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i feel your pain. i wish neither of us had to feel it

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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2/7/13 7:50 P

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Haven't gotten to raise the idea of discussing spending any time together. Tuesday he was very tired and said he would text Wednesday. No text Wednesday. I text today - nothing yet, and I don't want to call him, because now I do feel like I'm bugging him. I feel like someone played a very cruel joke on me - sending down a very nice guy for me to start to really like just to laugh in my face and take him away.

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2/4/13 7:39 P

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just take things easy. perhaps discuss spending time together ... pencil each other in .. it won't be easy .. probably def won't be the same time each week ... have to figure out works for both of you .. decide whether to have daily text or phone conversations ... figure how much contact and support each of you need.. you don't want to get to a point where you don't text or reach out when you're thinking about him b/c you don't want to bug him ... same goes for him.

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2/4/13 7:26 P

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I was able to talk to the guy I dated a little, and like you said, Kim and Larissa, he was busy. He said work and stuff has been hectic. We both really like each other, but I don't know about getting any time together. We both work during the week, and he has a child as well, so there's homework and other responsibilities. That leaves the weekend, and that isn't even guaranteed. Makes me extremely sad because I really really like him. I like talking to him, and I was looking forward to seeing him. Really sucks when I think about those 'toads' I conversed with on the dating site - I wanted to scratch my eyes out! Ugh.

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2/1/13 8:02 P

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Thanks, Larissa. I'm trying to keep in mind that people are busy (just like I can be busy too, lol). You know, I very rarely texted anyone until him, but I decided I'd rather text than give him the family phone number and get myself embarrassed - sometimes my dad says inappropriate stuff or adds unsolicited stuff before he hands the phone over, and he doesn't always cover the speaker. When I do call him on the home phone, I don't *82, so my number comes up as restricted or private. I don't want to take any chances.

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2/1/13 7:41 P

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*hugs* I'm sorry your mom said that to you. She doesn't have a say in your dating life. You do. If you like someone, then like them and try and go out with them when possible. Many people are really busy and don't have time to answer texts ASAP. Give him some time, and ask him when possible about dating seriously. Not right away, but when you feel the time is right.

I haven't dated much, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I only get in relationships once I'm sure that the person likes me. Geo told me over and over how much he liked me and eventually I came around and went from lesbian to bi. I guess I've always been bi, but just went through a "woman only" phase.

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2/1/13 3:57 P

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Kim, you don't sound rantish. You're ok, and I understand what you are saying. I just want to enjoy the good feeling that I get in regards to him, you know, and it messes with me when my mom puts in her two cents indirectly (or directly), and it is unsolicited like that. I haven't dated in a good while, and the last time I dated - the guy didn't want to date after a bit, but wanted to continue to have...relations. I didn't take that so well, and there was some self-injurious activity. I want to date, but at the same time afraid of my emotions (not sure if I'm making sense). Anyway, the extra, not asked for 'noise' didn't help me


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2/1/13 3:10 P

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i apologize in advance if this sounds rantish .. i've been dealing with clueless ppl on the phone since i got up ... and after i call them out on their BS with their peers and supervisors i suddenly get apologies and i'm just trying to help spiels .. well i'm tired of doing everyone's job for them ... ... breathe .. breathe ... center

okay .. first .. ignore your mom ... love her but ignore her advice ... i have NEVER subscribed to feel out your options .. keep more than one iron in the fire nonsense!

if you like one guy .. then like him!

regardless of if guy had a reason to not text back or not ... not everyone can keep up frenzy of talking chatting texting emailing whatever for days and days on end .. everyone has a bad day everyone has an i just want to be alone/quiet today day ...

don't worry about some stupid hallmark holiday ... if you think it's an issue .. cut it off at the pass .. up front NOW tell him .. hey let's not make a big deal about the 14th ... let's --- do --- fill in the blanks for yourself ... go out on the 12th for Fat Tuesday .. go out on the 16th b/c it's saturday ... take the pressure away!! it's just another day ... ppl should show how they feel to each other EVERY day .. not just bc merchandisers say it's just ONE day .. it's one day in Feb .. it's one day in Dec ... it's one day in Nov .. see the pattern ...

so .. put away the sadness and the apprehension and the guilt and the remorse and the second-guessing .... put yourself at ease .. then put him at ease too

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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2/1/13 1:44 P

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I am anxious now - maybe scared. So, earlier this week - I want to say Sunday, my mom came into the living room after having heard something - I can't remember if I heard it too or not. Anyway, she said something like about having interest in more than one guy because you don't know how the guy you are interested in may act after the 2nd or 3rd date (this was unsolicited). That has screwed my head up, especially when there was two days this week when he didn't text (we text each other a lot. That said, he had a reason for not texting back).

I hate this. I wouldn't care if I didn't like that guy, but I do. I don't like that it is close to Valentine's Day either because I've heard of guys 'disappearing' because they don't want to buy gifts or whatever.

I looked at the other profiles or whatnot, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

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2/1/13 1:24 P

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Kimberly,

Thanks for the honest truth. This week has been better with getting something to eat. I've been struggling with food issues for years. Some days it feels like I've got it all figured out, and then I go backwards.

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1/21/13 7:37 P

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Doing better today... I had my mini bagel with peanut butter and coffee for breakfast, ramen for lunch, and a chicken burrito (home made with chicken breast) for dinner. I'm full and I'm under my top calorie range.

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1/21/13 5:10 P

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perhaps a different perspective is necessary

so you are saying you have such a fear of weight gain so you're not going to eat before an intense workout

uhm ... i say ... eat whether you want to or not b/c your body needs food. it needs fuel. not eating will actually slow your metabolism down. which in turn causes your body to store ANYTHING and EVERYTHING as fat b/c it NEEDS FUEL!

also.. your friend and loved ones would rather, I'm sure, to have you living and healthy versus a twig in a casket

so yeah.. go eat something. banana ... cottage cheese ... turkey ... something. and AT LEAST a full glass of water

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1/21/13 4:24 P

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Larissa - that's what I'm trying to tell myself - "You don't have to eat a ton"...I probably don't get near 1200. emoticon

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1/18/13 8:42 P

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*hugs Isee* I get that problem sometimes... I was ana/mia in high school and sometimes I just don't want to eat or just can't. There was a time last year when I was here on Spark and I just couldn't get to 1,200 calories a day. I started to force myself to eat lunch, and it got better with time. Just have something small before your workout. You don't have to eat a ton.

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1/18/13 8:10 P

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So..trying to do my JM...I know I need a pre-workout snack or something...but can't bring myself to eat anything. I'm afraid to eat because even though it is before a very intense workout, I'm afraid I'll still gain weight. Yeah...my love hate relationship with food is striking again. Makes it hard to get through the workout though.... emoticon

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1/11/13 3:05 P

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*hugs Kim* You have so much drama! I would be going crazy just like you if I was surrounded by all that drama. Looks like the drama-llama has struck again! Just try and breathe, count slowly, you know. If you want someone to vent to, spark mail me and I will give you my number!

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1/10/13 9:03 P

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Sorry, you are having a tough day, Kim. Reading about all that went on with you today - Whew! I'm surprised you are on here typing. I see why you're feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. I hope things get to calming down some. What do you do to unwind?

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1/10/13 4:10 P

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and there it was.

walked. got mail. felt frustration building. tried to get screen protectors on some electronic devices. holzer called in middle to say insurance hasn't yet approved MRI for tomorrow. to cancel it. did i want to keep the xray.. nope do 'em together.

screen things are kind of sloppy .. annoying!

stepped on a nail sliver into my foot

furiously threw everything onto the bed and vacuumed.

now shower and go to zumba

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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1/10/13 2:37 P

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i'm not doing well today.

i felt the swing coming on ... i stayed in bed just b/c it was comfy and i didn't want to get up and i was able to flow thru dream stuff that was nice.

irritable at something my friend had texted me.

very dismal blah skies here today. 40deg. boring. blah.

just asked local friend if she was going to Zumba tonight. she said her mom was coming over. i think i said she avoided the question... did that mean no zumba then. ... the only reason i paid to sign up for the class was b/c she wanted to do it.

same crap different zip code different decade

i know it isn't the end of the world or anything. i know the exercise will help (hopefully). i know it's a good thing.. i'll build up endurance and cardio .. blah blah .. i could rattle all the positives off for hours

all calm and peaceful yesterday ... then that went away when mom and dad were on the phone talking about something my nephew had written on his facebook wall about his friend he saw murdered last year...

and we have a funeral to go to this weekend. related by marriage. basically 3rd grandma.

and yesterday was 1 year mark of my HS friend's murder

i need some sunshine. i feel blah. angry.

i sent a FB message to the -itch that stole my NYC travel money and last month she said she'd pay me back but she had no free time. well she's had since freaking June or July to pay me back .. it's now JANUARY... i hate that i can't do anything but ask. since i went through small claims i can only pay more and more money to try to ping her savings account for the full amount owed and if it isn't there i'm out all that money still. just ticks me off that she can steal my money and not pay me back what is rightfully mine and yet she still gets to run her business.

am so frustrated!

and now the guy who was going to buy the android galaxy tab may have to stay late at work.. he doesn't know yet

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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1/4/13 1:14 P

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I spoke with the shrink today and she's going to give me the perscription when I see her next, which is just over a week from now. I have no clue what it is, but I guess I'll find out.
It's scary when you get a message like that, essentially saying "you are having thyroid problems" and it's only been 6 months of this medication. But I have been informed that this can happen and I don't think I'm as scared anymore.

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1/3/13 9:51 P

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Balletlotus,

Unfortunately I don't know much about that, but it is interesting how our meds can interfere with the thyroid like that.

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1/3/13 9:49 P

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Larissa,

I thought about it, but I'm not sure if I qualify with the IC label. I'd have to ask about it. My supervisors are ok with me taking leave. I want to try to work some to have another month of pay, but I'm going with the flow as far as how I feel. I know I need that time away though.

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1/3/13 8:47 P

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I was on levothyroxin for my thyroid for a while when I was on lithium, but when I stopped the lithium, my thyroid went back to normal.

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1/3/13 8:42 P

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Hi! I just got a call from my shrink (she left a message) today and apparently my lithium levels are fine but my thyroid levels are down and she wants to put me on a medication to even that out. Anyone have advice or has this happened to anyone else?

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12/31/12 9:36 P

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Isee, have you thought about going on disability? Do you qualify with the IC label? It's something to look in to. I was working and pushing myself as far as I could, and ended up with a breakdown in the hospital. It's just best that you do what you need to take care of yourself. Take some time off, get yourself right and all that. I want to be off of disability and working soon, but I know I have to take some time and make sure I'm okay.

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12/31/12 5:28 P

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Thanks for the advice Kimberly. Both of my jobs are IC - independent contractor positions. I'm know for one that you can be inactive until you are ready to come back. Not sure about the other though, but I can check into it.

I felt like I burned myself out awhile ago, but I kept going because I needed money. I tried to remind myself that I am lucky I have a job to work, and try to think positive about things, but as every month went by, I felt the same...tiredness, fed up, frustration. Sigh...

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12/31/12 2:47 P

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i more than understand and yes it sucks but yes something is wrong like you mentioned.

if you want the option to work these jobs in the future i would highly suggest don't keep struggling and feel like you are failing... IMMEDIATELY ask your supervisor/boss or HR for a leave of absence for 1 month 3 months 6 months .. whatever you feel you need with the option to ask for more. hopefully they will understand and grant that to you. if not then it'll be hard but just quit.

if you keep going you will soon burn out and get buried and have a nervous breakdown like i did. it ended with me asked by work to take a month off without pay .. then when i tried to go back i wasn't doing well. asked landlord to get out of my lease, put in 2 weeks notice at work, and struggled to get through, we packed up and flew from LA to ohio.

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12/31/12 1:34 P

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I was checking my email today and saw that the other company I work for wanted me to do a short project today. I just started crying. I instantly felt overwhelmed. I was telling my mom that I felt overwhelmed and that I wanted to quit my jobs - I just didn't feel like working anymore (not anymore as in forever, but for now). I know something is wrong because I don't work a lot of hours, and I really wasn't working anything with my second job. The main job - I work 10 hours a week, and I can divide it anyway I want throughout the week, so I work two hours a day. Anyway I know something is wrong - I've been knowing something was off for months now. The two hours seems longer because I have to take breaks so with breaks it is probably 3-4 hours. I've tried different rooms, a brighter light, a quiet room, a room with music, a room with tv. I can only remember one day or two where work seemed a breeze, and didn't feel like my brain shut down afterward. I don't know what to do at this point. Why is working so hard?

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12/23/12 3:06 P

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Thanks, Courtney and Larissa. I am feeling better now, lol. I actually thought about that - that she should have given a time. When I called her to ask about coming, she didn't give me a time. I asked was after 12 good, she said that was fine, then we chatting me, then she said she'd see me Saturday. So, like I said I didn't think anymore about it. I'll try not to think about it anymore! Happy Holidays to ya! I've got my cake, so we'll see what's next when my mom gets home, lol.

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12/23/12 2:17 P

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Hey Change! emoticon !

Courtney is right... you didn't do anything wrong. The person with the least free time should be setting the time. You have all day to hang out, but she has her son, so she has to plan around that. *hugs*

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12/23/12 12:44 P

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Hi CHANGE~~

First off, emoticon !!

As far as your friend goes, I would try not to give it a second thought. You didn't do anything wrong. She didn't set a certain time so how were u supposed to know what time she was getting up or what time her child was getting up? If she wants a time set, then next time she should do so. I wouldn't sweat it, especially on your BIRTHDAY! I know sometimes, we can be sensitive people but I don't think this situation warrants a second thought. You are right to think of the good parts of your visit and not dwell on the time thing. Maybe next time invite her to your house?

I hope u have a GREAT day and can put this whole thing in perspective and see it not a big deal at all! Don't feel like a child being scolded, you did NOTHING wrong! SHE should be scolded for not setting a time if she wanted u there at a certain time...Unless I'm way off base, you should just let it go and enjoy your day!

Let me know how you're doing later if u get a chance...Happy happy birthday!

Courtney

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12/23/12 9:37 A

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I need help with something. I called my friend last week about coming to visit her Saturday (yesterday), and settled that after 12 noon would be fine. Saturday came and I'm on my way there probably 12:30 or so. Anyway I just didn't think to call her back before Saturday to settle on a specific time, so when I called her Saturday to tell her I was on my way. She asked how long it would be until we were there, and told me she and her son had just woke up. She also said I should have gave her a specific time because she had a kid. It wasn't what she said, I think, that bothered me, it was the tone. I mean, when she said I should have gotten a specific time, I almost started crying. When I got there, I tried to explain, and she said that is was ok but I still needed to call. I stayed an hour, and we talked about stuff, but the fact that I didn't call just colored to whole time for me. When I was coming home I was just so angry that I didn't think to call to get a specific time. I was angry because I'm usually good at getting stuff and order and I missed that. I was angry at her because I felt like I was spoken to like a child. I was just angry. I cried about it last night, and I'm crying about it now - and today is MY BIRTHDAY. To think I didn't want to try to set up a date with someone during the holiday period because if it went bad, I didn't want a bad taste in my mouth. I'm trying to think of the good with my visit, and I know this is something not to get so upset about, and trying to look at it from her point of view, but it is not working! Just feel like a kid that got scolded.

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12/16/12 7:40 P

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amitriptylin 50mg 2 night... supposed to do that for a week then call for an increase. tonight will be like 3rd or 4th night

i haven't had ambien since early october b/c i ran out and my allergist wanted me off it b/c of the heavy amounts of antihistamines that usually make people tired (not me)... and all that fiasco B*S* with psychiatrists. i don't have anyone coordinating anything with each other and no one but a psych will prescribe the ambien it seems... i'm in a viscious loop.

i'd been on ambien since 2006 at least (trazadone before that) ... sometimes it'd help me sleep.. sometimes not at all.

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12/16/12 5:46 P

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Kim~~

What does she have u on for sleep? I guess I misunderstood about the food. I hope u find something that helps with the sleep. I know you've had that prob for awhile, right? Are u still taking Ambien or did they get rid of that? I hope when u talk to them they can resolve it...

A women's clothes should fit tightly enough to show that she is a woman but loosely enough to show that she is a lady--Marilyn Monroe


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12/16/12 5:34 P

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Kim, Those 100-calorie packs aren't filling to me either. It's like my body just burns through that stuff. I think the snack that does best for me is plain yogurt with oatmeal in it.

Sleep deprivation....I wish there was an emoticon the described that perfectly. The sleepiness that comes with the Celexa is wearing off now - so now I am not staying asleep. So it goes - at times I don't need a sleep aid and sometimes I do. I really feel for you there. A good night sleep can help you cope better, feel better, just be better.

I go to the pdoc tomorrow. I want to tell her about how I feel like I am...I guess not as sharp mentally like I was. I have days where it is just hard to comprehend what I read - it has to be really simple for me to comprehend. Hard to comprehend what I hear too. That really stinks because work wise I have to be sharp, but a lot of the time I'm just not. I see what is on my screen but I have a time processing it - it's like my brain has decided it doesn't want to work today. It is irritating to me because I'm used to remembering more and processing faster. I guess I'll have to see what she says...

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12/16/12 2:25 P

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sleep deprevation is definitely a factor .. but until i get a psychiatrist again.. i won't be able to get any proper sleep meds.

the new one the rheumatologist gave me she said was for sleep .. webmd says it's for depression or anxiety or something (I forget) ... the chiropractor said it was to minimize a pain factor the fibro triggers. who knows. i just know i'm exhausted and i feel like i'm under water today.

as for healthy vs. junk food at home .. we don't really have junk food in here. months ago i stopped buying it and told mom to stop bringing home McD and crap. so it's not the typical entire family size bag of ruffles and dip .. i was eating small portions, 100-calorie packs, of stuff but it wasn't filling me up.

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12/16/12 1:28 P

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Kim sounds like a good plan to call your Dr. Monday and talk to them about the no sleep. Sleep deprivation will make you eat more o make up energy that you don't get from sleep. That could be part of your problem. Courtney is right on getting rid of and not allowing into the house those kind of foods to tempt you to eat. You should replace them with healthy foods that you like and allow yourself a treat (1 porchon size) once in a while. Try it and you will see a differance. Better to over eat on healthy food than junk and empty calories. Lucinda

I will do my best to meet and surpass my goal. Never stop learning or trying to achieve success. Never give up keep plugging away. If it is to be it's up to me. .


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12/16/12 12:10 P

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i tracked most everything. am pretty sure it was evenings on two days. empty wasted calories. for the record it's turkey bologna (low fat or something) and tiny bite-sized cupcakes and 100 calorie tiny Doritos bag. i'm actually not a big chips or sugar eater b/c the sharp edges hurt my mouth and i usually crash after sugar. and fat free cottage cheese (although it is a bit high in sodium). regardless of the portions i still felt icky for eating all that stuff. i was lazy and had poor planning.

i haven't had quality sleep in awhile now. yea, i'm laying there for 10-12 hours but it's blockbuster vivid movies that i can only watch or participate in ... not getting real sleep. it's def taking a toll. i was having trouble before the new med but it seems to be getting worse. i'm going to call the doc mon or tues and see what she says. she told me to try 1 pill per night for a few days then if no improvement 2 pills per night. if no improvement then to call her and she'd send in a higher dosage.

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12/16/12 7:43 A

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Kim~~

This just showed up in my email. Better late than never, right? How is it going with the binge? Was it still just the one night? Are u back on track now? You've been doing so good with your weight loss..I was reading what u were eating. Tortilla chips (in a given serving) and salsa is not that bad for you. Of course, u have to minus the bologna and cupcakes. I agree to check out some of the articles here on SP about binging and the emotions that often go along with it. I too can relate to just "grabbing" something cuz u don't feel like cooking or prepping something. But, what u grab should be fairly healthy. Keep the salsa and some tortilla chips. I like the corn tortilla wraps. You can throw some salsa in there with some lettuce and tomato and if u have any leftover meat, they're delicious. And for me, I love the crunch. That's a substitue (for me) for chips. Maybe try that? They're easy to grab and require very little prep. Yogurt is quick to grab. I know I haven't lost as much as you, but I can relate to the "grab factor" and these are just some of my "go to foods" when I don't feel like doing a meal.

Maybe it's all good now with you though but if u ever get back in that position, try some of those ideas or take a minute and read one of the articles...It just might help.

Best wishes to you and emoticon

Courtney

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12/15/12 10:15 P

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that's kind of the problem.. i was actually hungry .. but too lazy to fix something. nothing sounded good and therefore i was eating whatever i could see and not have to fix or prep.

it was just the one day mostly... i think.. it's not like i actually remember

i figured if i told someone maybe it'd trick my head into taking charge over my stomach

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12/15/12 9:03 P

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Kim, I am sorry you are having a hard time with your eating. Before you binge, what are you feeling? Are you stressed, angry, sad, etc? How long have you been binging?

If anything, the cupcakes, chips, and other "crap food" don't need to be in the house at all. Face it, you are going to eat them if they are there - I think any of us here would say the same about ourselves. Those foods don't feel you up and have no nutritional value - that is why you are still hungry.

You may have to do some tough love with your self. Throw out or give away all the "crap food" and replace it with healthier options ASAP. You can try planning out a weekly menu and shop from it - include snacks as well. That's a start.

It's not easy - that I can say from my own experience. You have to start small so not to get overwhelmed. You don't have to do it perfectly everytime, but take a step in the right direction...

You can do it girl!



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12/15/12 7:09 P

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Kim you have to say no to yourself. One of the Spark articles I read said to pause and think am I really hungry? before you grab something to eat. There are lots of good articles on the wellness site. Good luck and hope that works for you. Lucinda

I will do my best to meet and surpass my goal. Never stop learning or trying to achieve success. Never give up keep plugging away. If it is to be it's up to me. .


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12/14/12 8:59 P

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Sorry for the late response here! I see the pdoc this Monday. I hope I even remember what I had problems with!

I don't use The Knots Poem too much, even though I admit I find myself reading it regardless because it is on the fridge door. Maybe it counts as using it? I don't know, lol.

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12/14/12 8:40 P

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OMG i am out of control on this binge eating crap food .. not to mention i've way over spent any kind of budget I was on... and i'm still hungry :-( guess that's what you get when eating crap food like chips, salsa, bologna, sweet potato fries, red velvet cupcakes... i did eat a banana this morning and lean pocket .. but then i've gourged the rest of the evening. sigh. i need off this train it leads downward.. fast!

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11/15/12 11:41 P

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SuperModel I went for the first years without a sleep aid and sleep deprivation would always set in and I would end up in the hospital for a week or more. So I take Minipress and it keeps me a sleep without being groggy the next morning. Hope the over the counter works for you.

ISee I love the Knots poem! That's exzactly what I need to do and it would improve my life. Thank you for sharing and I hope your Dr. apt. went well. Lucinda

I will do my best to meet and surpass my goal. Never stop learning or trying to achieve success. Never give up keep plugging away. If it is to be it's up to me. .


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11/15/12 7:35 P

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Has the Knots poem helped at all? My Nana loved this one poem "Don't Quit" I have it by my bedside to look at. I should tape it to the wall so I can see it better. If I get a chance, I will post it here. I hope your caseworker calls you soon... is there another person you can talk to to get some help? Maybe a supervisor? Just my 2 cents.

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11/15/12 6:09 P

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You are welcome, Larissa! emoticon

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11/14/12 8:19 P

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I like that :) Thanks for sharing!

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11/14/12 7:25 P

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Here is the "Knots Prayer":

Dear God, Please untie the knots in my mind,
my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots,
the can nots, and the do nots
that I have in my mind.

Erase the will nots,
may nots,
might nots that may find
a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,
would nots and
should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all,
Dear God,
I ask that you remove from my mind,
my heart and my life all of the “am nots”
that I have allowed to hold me back,
especially the thought that
I am not good enough.

Amen

(Author unknown)

You can replace God with whatever spirit or deity you serve, but it is a great prayer!

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11/13/12 3:51 P

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i don't think there is any way to delete posts. however, you can go to your original post and Edit is to say whatever or nothing.

what's the Knots poem?

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11/13/12 3:29 P

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I'm waiting for my case worker from mental health to call back. I know they are busy, just would really like for her to call back.

I am trying to work today but I'm not into it at all. Brain is all over the place and it's like it has shut down. Going to try to exercise though.

Mom was reading the 'Knots' poem, and said that maybe I could get through if I replace some of my 'knots' or 'nots'. Not saying that she doesn't have a point. But I've been coping through this stuff for awhile now, long before I knew it was an issue. Just tired of coping with things, you know?

***I posted this before thinking it was going to post in "Ask the Team for Help" but it didn't. Please delete the duplicate!

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11/10/12 9:17 P

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My therapist says that my depression and fast food addiction are tied. She thinks that since we have the car now and can go out whenever we want and get junk food that I'm 1. irritating my Irritable Bowel Syndrome and getting horrible stomach cramps, 2. Spending money I don't have on fast food, 3. that the chemicals in the food are making me depressed. So it comes down to not eating out. I like the food and it's easy, but it's ruining me. It was my goal for the month to only go out 2 times a week, and she said I should make it twice a month instead. I went to the store on Friday and picked up some easy but nutritious food to cook when I don't feel like cooking. Hopefully getting back into my healthy routine will help me get out of this funk.

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11/9/12 9:10 P

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Hi Larissa, did u have a good day today w/your therapy? I hope so...I am having a better day and hopefully will have a good wknd w/the fam :)

"Nothing seems possible until it is done" Nelson Mendela


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11/8/12 8:25 P

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Supermodel, that's what we are here for. It's nice to have support, even in the middle of the night.

I'm feeling a bit better today emotionally, like crap physically, but still apathetic. I hope I can come up with something with my therapist tomorrow.

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11/8/12 8:12 P

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Thanks everyone for the advice! I feel so happy that I found this team! My MD. said to just get Benadryl and to stay off the sleep meds. I will try some of your suggestions Kimberly, thanks so much!
They also weighed me and I am over 200, I am so mad, it's because of the anti-psychotic I was taking. It makes u gain weight. But I needed it cuz I was having intrusive thoughts and feeling really depressed. My Psy Dr. doesn't think Im depressed anymore so I am just on one mood stablilizer. That's all I want to take. I am going to start keeping a food journal again and keep up with my exercise routine that I've been doing.
Hopefully I will get some zzz's tonight, I bought some Unisom. The box said it was non-habit forming. I am just so thankful to whoever started this team, I really needed the support since we just moved and I don't have any close friends that could relate to my issues,lol

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11/8/12 5:01 P

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Larissa - start small - pick one thing to work on like a healthier meal or walk x miles today. slowly build up momentum. in other words don't overwhelm yourself and set achievable goals that you'll feel good about and not guilty about if you miss 'em.

SuperModel - i have been taking a nightly sleep med for the past oh 10 years or so. well mid-oct I ran out and my allergist recommended being off it during antihistamine treatment he has me on... and things didn't go so well with the psychiatrist last week.... so that means almost a month now I've been attempting to manage without sleep aids (ambien). it's rough i won't lie. I have some OTC Kroger Sleep pills that sometimes i'll take one or two. Last week I got muscle relaxers from primary doc which helps some but i feel drunk on 'em. insomnia sucks. my dreams are so vivid. here's things i'm trying to put into practice:
- only use bed for sleep
- dark and cool room
- sleep mask
- routine of meds
- water
- bathroom
- brush teeth
- no electronics for so many minutes before bed
- i probably need to set up a proper sleep and wake time but haven't quite made it that far... i sort of have one but mostly lay down when i feel tired
- exercise early in the day helps for all the right reasons
- i've read taking a bath at night or tea or aroma therapy can help. not a shower b/c they can be invigorating
- some ppl read going to bed but I'd get too interested in the story and stay up
- same for TV watching. i don't watch tv but some use it for noise. watch something boring to you.
- white noise helps sometimes.. like a fan or soothing noise machine
- sometimes have to not eat after certain time. not eat spicy foods after a certain time. i have to eat something small or I get nauseous from meds. but can't eat too much or meds don't work.
- i used to have amazing luck with Tylenol PM but it's addictive to me b/c i actually get sleep. some are addicted to it from the ingredients. i used it for quite awhile then got trazedone but that made me daytime foggy. then ambien for the past 7 years or so. melatonin for the past 4 years.
- oh and decide for yourself whether 8 hours of your body resting but mind isn't is sufficient for you (it has been for me) ... or if you need to get up and busy yourself with something until you're tired again. it's not a bright side or exact science but eventually you will exhaust yourself and your body will sleep.

and someone on here recently posted links about the ECT - it really works for them.

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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11/8/12 12:10 P

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Super model --

Let us know how u make out after your MD appt ...keep us posted and good luck! !

A women's clothes should fit tightly enough to show that she is a woman but loosely enough to show that she is a lady--Marilyn Monroe


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11/8/12 10:47 A

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Hi Glinda,
Thanks for responding and no, I didn't sleep last night again for the 4th night in a row. I have neuropathy in my foot, a sharp pain that lasts all night and keeps me awake. It happens once in a while so I have learned to put up with it. I have my annual check up today w/my regular Dr. and am making a list of stuff to talk about w/her! After reading your message it did make me cry, honestly I am still getting used to my recent Dx of BP. I found out I had it last May (along with Post-Partum Depression) and the P-Dr. said he thought it started when I was 18 in college with my first episode w/an anxiety attack resulting from no sleep for 2 wks!
My Mom always preaches to me about trying to take natural remedies first before having all these prescriptions. I even thought about trying ECT for depression, I don't want liver/kidney damage from taking pills the rest of my life. I heard that it causes memory loss and it seems kinda scarey that they put u under anesthesia and send currents through your brain, causing it to have a seizure! OMG, crazy. But I would try anything to get better emoticon

"Nothing seems possible until it is done" Nelson Mendela


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11/8/12 9:21 A

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SUPERMODEL

Did you sleep last night? I hope so. Nothing worse than no sleep. It is literally debilitating for me. You mentioned you don't want to rely on medication. I used to say that way back about 20 years ago when I was first diagnosed. I have never succeeded with no meds. It only leads to disaster with me. This is a reality that comes with being diagnosed with BP. I am on numerous meds and I am doing great. It's all a learning experience. Of course, everyone is different.

I hope you get things leveled out soon!

emoticon

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

1 Corinthians 10:31


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11/7/12 6:32 P

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Larissa~~

I hope our talk helped! Hope you'll atleast think about what we discussed and then Fri. you'll see your therapist. You'll get through this and be good as new before u know it. I'll be up til around 10 if u need me... emoticon

A women's clothes should fit tightly enough to show that she is a woman but loosely enough to show that she is a lady--Marilyn Monroe


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11/7/12 6:30 P

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Hi there! I agree with Larissa. I used Melatonin for awhile until I got my prescribed my sleeping pill that I currently take. Melatonin comes in 3mg tabs. I used to take 6mg and it kept me out for the night. Try other sleep tricks too...soft music, cut off caffeine by 5pm, I'm sure you've heard em all. Yeah, try the Melatonin. I have a script for Restoril and it works great for a prescribed sleeping pill.

A women's clothes should fit tightly enough to show that she is a woman but loosely enough to show that she is a lady--Marilyn Monroe


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11/7/12 6:25 P

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I know a lot of people who have success with melatonin. I like trazadone.. it gets me to sleep fast and I don't feel groggy the next day. It's an antidepressant that makes you sleep. Ask your doctor about it!

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"Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all" Whitney Houston


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11/7/12 6:06 P

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I haven't been sleeping well since I ran out of my sleep med. on sunday night. So it's been 3 restless nights. Today I took a nap but wasn't able to fall asleep, just rested w/my eyes closed. I don't want to be dependant on the sleep meds and I heard it's bad to take Benadryl because you don't go into a deep sleep. I just want to sleep straight thru the night and not wake up after every dream I have. Anyone have any good sleep advice?

"Nothing seems possible until it is done" Nelson Mendela


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11/7/12 5:20 P

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I'm depressed and not caring if I lose weight or not anymore. I've just been eating junk and fast food, and I've gained 10 pounds over the past couple months. I need to start caring again, but I don't know what's going to get me through this, especially since gaining 10 pounds isn't doing it. Any ideas?

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"Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all" Whitney Houston


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11/6/12 10:23 P

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emoticon

putting in a comment to add support for the topic and to get subscribed (although can do that via the topic button without having to comment)

How are you measuring your year? Speeding tickets, cups of coffee, love


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11/6/12 2:11 P

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I don't need help at this time just wanted nk this thread is a great idea! We all need help one time or another. Thank you. Lucinda

I will do my best to meet and surpass my goal. Never stop learning or trying to achieve success. Never give up keep plugging away. If it is to be it's up to me. .


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11/5/12 11:34 A

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Hi there! Being bipolar is not easy. And we, as a team, need to support eah other. Let's use this thread to do just that. If u have questions or just need to vent or a shoulder to lean on, please post in here and we will see it and quickly respond.

Wishing everyone in here all the best but remember, we are a team and we must all be here for each other!

A women's clothes should fit tightly enough to show that she is a woman but loosely enough to show that she is a lady--Marilyn Monroe


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