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7/16/16 9:51 A

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Good one Shirl!

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it.” A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, “Son, I’m real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your Bible diligently, but you didn’t get hair cut!” The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.” His father replied, “Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!”



A little girl was sitting on her grandmothers lap as she read her a book. She repeatedly touched her grandmothers cheek and then her own fascinated by the difference. “Grandma” she asked, “Did God make you?” “Yes dear,” Grandma replied, “God made me a long time ago.” “Did God make me?” she asked. “Yes, God made you too.” Answered Grandma. “Well he sure has gotten better over the years, hasn’t he?



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YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 10,140
7/16/16 9:32 A

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Wanda and William thanks for the laughs. We still have two more silly Saturdays to go in July. Everyone find some laughter in your day.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

- See more at: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/clean-jo
kes#sthash.x0Vfuw7R.dpuf

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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7/9/16 10:18 A

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Thanks for the giggles William and Shirl.

Museum Joke

“And this over here” croaked the 90 year old museum tour guide, “is a fossil 4 million and 69 years old, on it’s left you can see another fossil that’s 2 million and 69 years old.” “Wow! That’s really fascinating,” said a fellow in the audience, “how can you age it so accurately to the year?” “Well that’s simple” answered the old chap, “It was two million years old when I started working here 69 years ago.”

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”





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7/9/16 9:40 A

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Hi! My name is William. Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like someone to connect with!
Columbus, Ohio, USA
Eastern Time Zone
Heaviest weight: 280
Goal weight: 200 (for now)
SP Class of May 29 - June 4, 2016 Team Leader
"When you feel like quitting, think about why you started."
Mind Over Body: A 10 part series of articles that everyone on SP should read
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/mind_ov
er_body_fat.asp


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7/9/16 8:50 A

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Enjoy your Saturday and find some laughter in your day!

Wanda, those were cute.

How hot is it?
the cows are giving evaporated milk.
the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs
I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walkin'
hot water now comes out of both taps.
you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
the cows are giving evaporated milk.
the chickens are lying hard boiled eggs.
you start buying stock in Gatorade.
the trees are whistling for the dogs.
you start putting ice cubes in your water bed.
you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
Satan decided to take the day off.
the four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
your dream house is any house in Alaska.
you can make instant sun tea.
the trees are whistling for dogs.
your car overheats before you drive it.
hot water now comes out of both taps.
you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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7/2/16 9:46 A

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Happy month of July!

Shirl...I'm not sure Harry would live after that sad story *grin*.

The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. 'We live in a great country,' she announced. 'One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.'

Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, 'I'm not free. I'm four.'

Nicholas took his four-year-old son, Bryan, to several baseball games where "The Star-Spangled Banner" was sung before the start of each game.



Later, Nicholas and Bryan attended St Bartholomew's church on the Sunday before Independence Day. The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, Bryan suddenly yelled out at the top of his voice, 'Play ball.'

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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7/2/16 8:46 A

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Happy silly Saturday starting off July.

William and Wanda good ones!

Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.

Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.

The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps

After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs



Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/25/16 11:48 A

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Happy Saturday, everyone!





Hi! My name is William. Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like someone to connect with!
Columbus, Ohio, USA
Eastern Time Zone
Heaviest weight: 280
Goal weight: 200 (for now)
SP Class of May 29 - June 4, 2016 Team Leader
"When you feel like quitting, think about why you started."
Mind Over Body: A 10 part series of articles that everyone on SP should read
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/mind_ov
er_body_fat.asp


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6/25/16 10:02 A

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HAHAHA...love it Shirl


This is how I feel today:

"I can't believe it, " said the tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?"

"Well, that's hard to say, " replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday."


Thunderstorm

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."





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You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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6/25/16 9:49 A

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Well here we are our last silly Saturday of June, soon we'll be into July. William and Wanda loved your posts from last Sat. Now I know my problem, I am eleven feet to short, but my weight is perfect, lol, love it.


Looks of Disappointment

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're cute.” The wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was now “cute.”

She asked, “What happened to beautiful?”

The man replied, “The drugs are wearing off.”

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/18/16 3:32 P

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Hi NYTERYDER, emoticon for the jokes; I really enjoyed the "the other foot, too" emoticon

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6/18/16 11:52 A

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Good ones, ladies. This is my favorite daily challenge!





Hi! My name is William. Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like someone to connect with!
Columbus, Ohio, USA
Eastern Time Zone
Heaviest weight: 280
Goal weight: 200 (for now)
SP Class of May 29 - June 4, 2016 Team Leader
"When you feel like quitting, think about why you started."
Mind Over Body: A 10 part series of articles that everyone on SP should read
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/mind_ov
er_body_fat.asp


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6/18/16 10:31 A

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LOL Shirl. Thanks for the giggles.

Taking the Moment.

A pastor explained how Saturday was a day to get things done around their house because of work, family and church responsibilities. Just a few weeks ago he and his youngest son Jeff who is six years old had just finished mowing the lawn and were putting things away. The pastor thought this would be a terrific opportunity to rest and spend a few minutes with Jeff. The two of them crawled up on the family's trampoline and gazed up into the blue sky. With a puzzled look Jeff turned and asked "Dad,...Why are we here?"
The pastor thought this would be great teaching opportunity so he explained how we are children of our Father in Heaven, how he has sent us here because he loves us and wants us to experience the things he has created for us, how he wants us to serve one another, to learn, to grow and to develop those qualities that will allow us to return to live with Him some day. The father paused and asked if that had answered his question. Jeff responded, "Not really". The pastor then began to think how else he might be able to answer the question when Jeff again asked, "Dad,...Why are we here?...weren't we supposed to pick Mom up an hour ago?"


Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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6/18/16 10:17 A

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Do you believe one more Sat. left in June, slow down summer, I want you to last forever, lol.
William loved your post from last Sat. This funny is for all the dads out there for Father's Day.

Once there were four business men. They were sitting on a bench in a hospital waiting room because their wives were having babies.

A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had 1 baby."

The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!"

The nurse goes away.

Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"

The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the owner of the Minnesota Twins!"

The nurse goes away.

The nurse comes back and says to the third businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had triplets!"

The man says, "What a coincidence! I work for Triple Crown!"

The nurse goes away.

The nurse comes back and sees the fourth businessman alone on the bench crying.

She asks, "Why are you crying"?

The man replies, "I work for Seven Up"!!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl



Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/11/16 12:08 P

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Hi! My name is William. Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like someone to connect with!
Columbus, Ohio, USA
Eastern Time Zone
Heaviest weight: 280
Goal weight: 200 (for now)
SP Class of May 29 - June 4, 2016 Team Leader
"When you feel like quitting, think about why you started."
Mind Over Body: A 10 part series of articles that everyone on SP should read
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/mind_ov
er_body_fat.asp


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6/11/16 9:29 A

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Q: Why do museums have old dinosaur bones?
A: Because they can't afford new ones!

Q: What does Triceratops sit on?
A: Its Tricera-bottom!

Q: What’s the best way to talk to a Velociraptor?
A: Long distance!

Q: Why did the T. Rex cross the road?
A1: Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.
A2: Because it was chasing a chicken.
A3: Because it was being chased by a chicken.
A4: Because it thought it was a chicken.

Q: How do you ask a tyrannosaur out to lunch?
A: "Tea, Rex?"

Q. What was 30 feet long, had a two-foot-long beak, and left crumbs all over the mattress?
A. Pretzelcoatlus!

Q: What do you call a blind Majungatholus?
A: Doyathinkhesaurus?

Q. What do you call a blind Majungatholus' dog?


A. Doyouthinkhesaurus Rex.

Q. How do you know there's a Seismosaurus under your bed?
A. Because your nose is two inches from the ceiling!


Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/4/16 4:12 P

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Nice jokes!



Hi! My name is William. Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like someone to connect with!
Columbus, Ohio, USA
Eastern Time Zone
Heaviest weight: 280
Goal weight: 200 (for now)
SP Class of May 29 - June 4, 2016 Team Leader
"When you feel like quitting, think about why you started."
Mind Over Body: A 10 part series of articles that everyone on SP should read
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/mind_ov
er_body_fat.asp


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6/4/16 9:38 A

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haha...William...I love that super power, I would be standing in line to that one too!

Thank God
Albert took over an old, run-down, abandoned allotment. The beds were overgrown with weeds, the shed was falling down, and the greenhouse was just a frame with broken glass.

During his first day of work, the vicar stopped by to bless Albert's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the allotment of your dreams!"

A few months later, the vicar stopped by again. Lo and behold, it was completely transformed. The shed had been expertly rebuilt, vegetables were growing in neat rows and the greenhouse had been re-glazed and was full of plump, ripe tomatoes.

"Amazing!" exclaimed the vicar. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!"
"Yes, reverend," said Albert, "but remember what the place was like when God was working it alone!"

Chicken Feed?
Jake decides that he wants to start farming chickens so he goes to the chicken farmer and buys 1000 chicks.

The next month Jake goes back and buys 500 more.
The following month he goes to the chicken farmer again and buys another 500 chicks, at which point the chicken farmer comments; "Your chicken farm must be coming along well now."

Jake looks glum and replies, "Sadly no. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Either I'm planting them too deep, or upside down, or too close together..."

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 10,140
6/4/16 8:24 A

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Hi William welcome to our silliness. I like your post.


Short Summer Jokes

Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
A: I'm bacon!

Q: What do you call six weeks of rain in Scotland?
A: Summer!

Q: How do you prevent a Summer cold?
A: Catch it in the Winter!

Q: What do you call a french guy in sandals?
A: Phillipe Phloppe.

Q: When do you go at red and stop at green?
A: When you're eating a watermelon.

Q: How do men exercise at the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini.

Q: How hot is a Los Angeles summer?
A: So hot that I saw a fire hydrant chasing a pack of dogs!

Q: How do you know your city is suffering from a heatwave?
A: Every fat guy sweating in the city smells like Bacon!

Hair gets lighter, Skin gets darker, Music gets louder, Nights get longer, Life gets better. This Summer.



Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/28/16 2:28 P

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Hi! My name is William. Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like someone to connect with!
Columbus, Ohio, USA
Eastern Time Zone
Heaviest weight: 280
Goal weight: 200 (for now)
SP Class of May 29 - June 4, 2016 Team Leader
"When you feel like quitting, think about why you started."
Mind Over Body: A 10 part series of articles that everyone on SP should read
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/mind_ov
er_body_fat.asp


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5/28/16 10:49 A

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Wanda thanks for getting us going this morning, your post made me smile and chuckle. I know where has May gone!


What Kind Of Exercise Do Lazy People Do?


Q: What kind of exercise do lazy 
people do?

A: Diddly-squats.

Submitted by Valerie Lunt, Mesa, Arizona



Michelle Wolf on A Friend’s Pregnancy


One of my friends is pregnant. And I’m really excited. Not for the baby but because she’s one of my skinniest friends.


Making Amends With The IRS


After hearing a sermon on Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the IRS, “I can’t sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. Enclosed is a check for $150. If 
I still can’t sleep, I’ll send the rest.”

We can teach kids there’s no i in team, but it’s way more important 
to teach them that there’s no a in 
definitely.

Humorist Aaron Fullerton

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/28/16 9:50 A

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May 28 Silly Saturday

Our last silly Saturday of the May....how this month has flown by!

Clergy on the beach


Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery.

Presently, a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare.

As she passed them she turned, smiled, and said: "Good morning father, good morning father." Nodding and addressing each of them individually.

They were both stunned; how in the world were they recognized as priests?

They went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits and again they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.

After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads).

Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "good morning father", "good morning father" and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it and said, "just a minute young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"

"Oh father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Kathryn!"




Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/21/16 9:38 A

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Ten Things I know about you
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.



Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/21/16 9:11 A

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We only have one more silly Sat. left in this month. Hope your day is filled with laughter.

Wanda liked your post from last Sat.

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?

It gets toad away.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/14/16 9:56 A

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Thanks for the giggles this morning Shirl.

Gardening One-liners

Q: What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A: A Snap Dragon.

Q: What do you call a country where the people drive only pink cars?
A: A pink carnation.

Q: What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A: A rash of good luck.

Q: Why don't you ever iron a four-leaf clover?
A: You might press your luck.

Q: What do you call a mushroom who buys everyone drinks and is the life of the party?
A: A fun-gi.

Q: What insect is musical?
A: A humbug.

Q: What do you call it when worms take over the world?
A: Global Worming.

Q: Everyone knows how the Green Giant dresses when he works in the field. But when he goes to a corporate board meeting, what does he usually wear?
A: A three peas suit.

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/14/16 9:43 A

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Have a fun day and hope you can find a giggle or two below.


Updated February 05, 2016.

For most people, laundry is no laughing matter. But, why not have a bit of fun and turn a clever phrase to make laundry chores more enjoyable?

Kids love a good joke and perhaps you can use some of this humor as a way to lure them into the laundry room and teach them how to do laundry while you're there!



Laundry Question and Answer Jokes

Q: What did the first sock say to the second sock in the dryer?

A: I'll see you the next time around



Q: Why don't men do laundry?

A: Because the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!



Q: What happens if a wolf falls in the washing machine?

A: He becomes a wash and werewolf.



Q: What happened to the leopard that fell into the washing machine?

A: He came out spotless.



Q: Why can't the comedian tell a dirty laundry joke?

A: It always comes out clean!



Laundromat Humor

Sign in a Laundromat over the washers:

PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Edited by: YOYONOMORE1 at: 5/14/2016 (09:45)
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/7/16 10:35 A

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Some Mother's Day Humor. Wishing all mom's a Happy Mother's Day!

Things Mom Would Never Say
•"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
•"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
•"Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
•"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
•"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
•"Well, if Rahul's mamma says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
•"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
•"I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
•"Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"
----------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
-----------------------

Grandma on the Plane
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.

She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.

"Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"
------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
---------------------

We have new Babies
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
---------------------

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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4/30/16 9:27 A

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Ha, ha, Wanda thanks for the giggles and smiles this morning on our last silly Sat. of April.

World’s Best One Liners

1. Escalators don’t break down… they just turn into stairs
2. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral.
3. I intend to live forever… or die trying.
4. We never knew he was a drunk… until he showed up to work sober.
5. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
6. A blind man walks into a bar….And a table, and a chair.
7. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?
8. Want to hear a pizza joke…. nah, it’s too cheesy. What about a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one. Did you hear the one about the rope? Skip it. Have you heard the one about the guy in the wheelchair? Never mind, it’s too lame.
9. I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.
10. I childproofed the house… but they still get in!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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4/30/16 8:31 A

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Up way to early for a Saturday morning so decided to start us off with a chuckle.

Mother's dictionary
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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4/23/16 2:54 P

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A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time. One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife. “Really?”, one of the men said, what’s it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, “what are those good smelling flowers called again?” “Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned. “Yes that’s it,” he exclaimed. Looking over at his wife he said, “Rose what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?”

There's my contribution

~Nancy~



You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are. -Fred Rogers


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4/23/16 9:23 A

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Where has this month gone? We are left with one more silly Saturday in April. Find some laughter in your day!

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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Thanks for keeping silly Saturday going while I was MIA because of the internet not working.

After I waited patiently while my husband played a round of golf on our 18th wedding anniversary he and I went out to dinner at a lovely restaurant. We discussed many happy memories we’ve shared during the years. Then I said “Want to go for another 18?” “no” he replied “I think it’s too dark now.” -Mary Leach

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Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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4/9/16 4:52 P

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Thanks Wanda!
At Dad's funeral, several of his old coaching buddies got up to speak. The favorite story that one of his friends told was about Dad at a coaching clinic in NYC. There was a piano in the lobby. Dad had just a few tunes in his repertoire, most famously Johnny Cash's "Boy Named Sue" He was playing that tune when a rival coach walked in. He greeted the coach and said, "Hey, good to see you! Let me play the Highland Falls Fight Song!" He proceeded to play "Mary Had a Little Lamb" It may be lost in context here, but the entire congregation enjoyed a good laugh because it was typical "John Young" humor.

~Nancy~



You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are. -Fred Rogers


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4/9/16 10:26 A

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Apr 9 April is National Humor month...so get your giggles and laughs working!

Finding love is like finding shoes ….People look for Good Looking ,Smart Ones …But somehow they end up with ones they feel comfortable with .

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours,365 days,right from your birth until you fall in love .

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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4/2/16 9:32 A

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Apr 2 Silly Saturday PS April is National Humour Month

Humour is such a large part of feel good. If you can laugh even at the difficult parts of life, you will find that life become easier to manage.

Share a bit of humour today with those around you. Smile, Laugh and enjoy the privilege of being alive!

************************************

Funny Fluke
My dentistry patients are called and reminded the day before their scheduled appointments. During an office visit, one man was in an especially good humor and explained why. “My staff kids me about the high opinion I have of myself,” he said. “Yesterday your receptionist left a message that had them in stitches.”
He related the memo his secretary had handed him: “Your crown is ready.”
— Contributed by Michael M. Stryker

Zip It!
My mother taught for 11 years at a day-care center. One winter afternoon she was trying to show a young boy how to zip up his coat. “The secret,” Mom said, “is to get this piece of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up.”
After struggling with the zipper for several minutes, the boy sighed and said, “Why does it have to be a secret?”
— Contributed by Elizabeth C. Boulter

…With Some Wit on the Side
Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn’t dare discuss in front of him — his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it. One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, “Someone just picked my pocket!” Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, “How could anyone stoop so low?”
— Contributed by Bette Moeggenborg

All Aboard!
In the 22-story office building where I worked, rush hours meant crowds of people waiting a long time for the three passenger elevators. One evening my boss was one of the throng relegated to the freight elevator.
When a fellow rider complained about having to take this mode of transportation, my boss replied philosophically, “Better freight than never!”
— Contributed by Lamar P. Chustz

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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3/19/16 9:36 A

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Here is my contribution du jour:

“My memory is gone Mildred, so I changed my password to “Incorrect.” That way when I log in with the wrong password, the computer will tell me… “Your password is incorrect.”



~Nancy~



You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are. -Fred Rogers


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3/19/16 9:21 A

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haha love your Irish jokes Nancy.

Time for some more giggles and laughs.


The Most Confusing Password

I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. 
The husband called out to his wife 
in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.

We tried S123 several times, but 
it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.”

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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3/12/16 10:47 A

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Thank you for the Irish humor.
I only remember two St. Paddy's day jokes.

Why are there only 239 beans in Irish Chili?

Because one more would make it "too farty" (240 in an Irish accent)



What is green and sits in your back yard?

Patio Furniture (Paddy O'Furniture)

~Nancy~



You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are. -Fred Rogers


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3/12/16 10:15 A

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Thanks for the giggles Shirl.


An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.
"The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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3/12/16 9:58 A

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Going with some St. Patrick Day humor this Saturday, seeing it's this Thursday. Have a laugh filled day.


A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in Davy Byrne's pub in Grafton Street, Dublin, when, O'Leary, an irate Irishman stands up shouting, 'You're making out we're all dumb and stupid. I oughtta punch you in the nose.'

'I'm sorry sir, I...........'

'Not you,' says O'Leary, 'I'm talking to that little fella on your knee.'

Paddy Was driving his lorry when he saw a bridge with a sign saying 10 foot max. headroom. He slowed down wondering if he could drive under it or not , 'A shure I'll give it a go, he thought only to find that his lorry got stuck underneath it.

Paddy sat back in his seat, poured out a cup of tea and lit a cigarette.

A policeman arrived a short time later and knocked on the cab door which Paddy then opened, 'what do you think you are doing? asked the policeman in a sharp tone, 'Sure I'm having me tea break, replied Paddy, 'And what do you work at? asked the policeman, 'Agh shure I deliver bridges,! smiled Paddy!

Read more at http://www.theholidayspot.com/patrick/iris
h_jokes.htm#veI2DKA0lEZ5HRMg.99

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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3/5/16 10:25 A

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Wishing all a laughter filled first silly Saturday of March!


Going to the Dogs


When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.

At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk.

“Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.”

As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”

Grins & Giggles
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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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2/27/16 10:20 A

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Thanks Shirl and Nancy for the giggles this morning.

Here's what I got!

Hearing Aid Joke After much nagging from his wife, Sam was visiting the audiologist. Yes, he would need hearing aids and they ranged in price from $10.00 to $2,000, was what he was told. “I’ll try the $10.00 pair” Sam said. The nurse placed the hearing aids into his ears and hung a wire around his neck. “Does the wire really have to be around my neck?” asked Sam. “Why of course!” replied the nurse. “You think these things in your ears do anything?! It’s the wire around your neck – it makes people talk louder!”



Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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2/27/16 9:23 A

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Here we are at our last Sat. of Feb., boy this month flew by. Hope you can find laughter in your day.

Nancy I got a chuckle from your post. emoticon

Short Spring Jokes

Q. When do monkeys fall from the sky?
A. During Ape-ril showers!

Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May!

Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
A: Because they've just finished a long, 31 day March!

Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring-time!

Q: What flowers grow on faces?
A: Tulips (Two-lips)!

Q: Why is the letter A like a flower?
A: A bee (B) comes after it!

Q: When do people start using their trampoline?
A: Spring-Time

Q: What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A: A hot cross bunny


Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
A: Lily!

Q: What does the Easter Bunny order at a Chinese Restaurant?
A: Hop Suey!

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny

Q: What does the Easter Rabbit get for making a basket?
A: Two points just like everybody!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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2/20/16 4:59 P

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Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.



What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name.



That's all I got!

~Nancy~



You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are. -Fred Rogers


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2/20/16 1:05 P

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Gees we only have one more silly Sat. left in Feb. Wanda enjoyed last Saturday's post, ha, ha.
Hope all find some laughter in your day.



Spring Fever


Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.

Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"

Grins & Giggles
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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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2/13/16 11:05 A

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LOL...good ones Shirl

Kids On Love and Marriage

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10



WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6



HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8



WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

"Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8



WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." Lynnette, age 8

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10



WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9



WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?

"When they're rich." Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." Howard, age 8



IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

"I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out." Theodore, age 8

"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." Anita, age 9

"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." Kirsten, age 10



HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8

"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." Roberta, age 7



HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

"If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it." Lori, age 8

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10



Edited by: WANDAH3 at: 2/13/2016 (11:06)
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2/13/16 10:38 A

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Wishing all a Happy Valentine's Day tomorrow!

Wanda and Nancy thanks for last Saturday's giggles.









Valentine's Day Humor

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

Candy Love
Four-year-old Sam loved candy almost as much as his mom Sally did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. A few days later Sam was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Sally said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?"
"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."
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A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".
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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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2/6/16 11:44 A

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(still giggling) Thanks Nancy Jane and Shirl for the morning giggles.

Some Positive Humor quotes I came across that made me smile:

Finding love is like finding shoes ….People look for Good Looking ,Smart Ones …But somehow they end up with ones they feel comfortable with .

LIFE INSURANCE :
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

NURSE :
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

MARRIAGE :
It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..

TEAR :
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power.

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours,365 days,right from your birth until you fall in love .



Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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2/6/16 11:31 A

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In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
----------------------------------------
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Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a policeman approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

----------------------------------------
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Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.



That is my participation in a daily challenge requirement emoticon

~Nancy~



You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are. -Fred Rogers


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2/6/16 10:11 A

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Seeing we just celebrated Ground Hog Day, thought some Ground Hog humor might be appropriate for our first silly Sat. in Feb. Enjoy your day, may it be laughter filled. Oh nuts, it didn't copy so will go retrieve it and re-post here, lol.

Yeah! It worked this time.

Q: What would you get if you crossed Groundhog Day with a puppy?
A: Ground-dog Day!

Q: What happened when the groundhog met the dogcatcher?
A: He became a pound hog!

Q: What happens if the ground log sees its shadow?
A: We'll have six more weeks of splinters!

Q: Why was the groundhog depressed about his den?
A: He was having a bad lair day!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Groundhog Day with a Christmas drink?
A: Ground Nog Day!

Q: Where do sick groundhogs go?
A: To the hogpital

Q: What do you call a groundhog adopted from the Humane Society?
A: A poundhog

Q: What do you call a groundhog who eats too much?
A: A roundhog!

Q: Why was the groundhog depressed about his den?
A: He was having a bad lair day!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Groundhog Day with a Christmas drink?
A: Ground Nog Day!

Q: Where do sick groundhogs go?
A: To the hogpital

Q: What do you call a groundhog adopted from the Humane Society?
A: A poundhog

Q: What do you call a groundhog who eats too much?
A: A roundhog







Edited by: YOYONOMORE1 at: 2/6/2016 (10:17)
Shirl

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1/30/16 10:52 A

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Jan 30 Silly Saturday

Brian, one of the worlds greatest hypochondriacs, bumped into his Dr. one day at the supermarket. “Doc!” Brian exclaimed, “I’ve been meaning to tell you, remember those voices I kept on hearing in my head? I haven’t heard them in over a week!” “Wow! What wonderful news Brian! I’m so happy for you!” his Dr. exclaimed. “Wonderful?” asked a dismal looking Brian. “There’s nothing wonderful about it. I’m afraid my hearing is starting to go now!


An Old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg. “I am afraid it’s just old age”, replied the doctor, “there is nothing we can do about it.” “That can’t be” fumed the old man, “you don’t know what you are doing.” “How can you possibly know I am wrong?” countered the doctor. “Well it’s quite obvious,” the old man replied, “my other leg is fine, and it’s the exact same age!”


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You are the creator of your own reality.

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To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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1/23/16 12:05 P

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Only one more Sat. left in this month. Hope Jan. is a good month for you.




Things You Did Not Know


A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A snail can sleep for three years.

All polar bears are left handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about 10.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear any pants.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Leonardo da Vinci invented the scissors.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

No word in the English language rhymes with month.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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1/16/16 10:24 A

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Wanda thanks for getting us going this morning, that gave me a giggle.


Short Winter Jokes

Q: What do you get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids!

Q: What's an ig?
A: A snow house without a loo!

Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

Q: Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
A: Because he thought his wife was a flake

Q: Getting a job in the Arctic in the winter is great! Why?
A: When the days get short, you only have to work a 30 minute work week.

Q: Why do seals swim in salt water?
A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

Q: Where can you find an ocean without any water?
A: On a map!

Q: What eight letters can you find in water from the Arctic Ocean?
A: H to O! (H20)

Q: What do you call a gangsta snowman?
A: Froze-T

Q: Which side of an Arctic Tern has the most feathers?
A: The outside!

Q: What vegetable was forbidden on the ships of Arctic explorers?
A: Leeks!

Q: What did Amaruq say after building an igloo out of crystal clear ice?
A: "Living in a transparent igloo has its disadvantages - but you should see the murres smack it!"

Q: Why didn't the tourist in the Arctic get any sleep?
A: He plugged his electric blanket into the toaster by mistake - and kept popping out of bed all night!

Q: What happened when all the muskox wool that was collected was stolen?
A: The police combed the area.

Q: If the sun shines while it's snowing, what should you look for?
A: Snowbows.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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1/16/16 9:18 A

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Up early so thought I would get Silly Saturday off to a start....

Job Interview:

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"

The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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1/10/16 9:35 A

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Thoughts About Winter

It was so cold ... we had to chop up the piano for firewood -- but we only got two chords.

What kind of coffee were they serving when the Titanic hit an iceberg? Sanka.

What do you call 10 Arctic hares hopping backward through the snow together? A receding hare line.

What vegetable was forbidden on the ships of Arctic explorers? Leeks.

What do snow kids have for breakfast? Ice Krispies.

What happened when the snowgirl had an argument with the snowboy? She gave him the cold shoulder.

What's an ig? A snow house without a loo.

What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.

And more really important questions

What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps

What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark? Frost bite

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a baker? Frosty the dough man.



Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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1/9/16 10:15 A

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January is slipping by quickly, thought I'd do a little winter humor today. Each day that goes by gets us closer to spring emoticon


snowman


Wearing white is always in style - even after Labor Day.

Getting outside in the winter is good for your health.

It's fun just to hang out in your front yard.

We're all made up of mostly water.

Accessories don't have to be expensive.

Don't get too much sun!

If you're a little bottom heavy - hey, that's okay!

You know you've made it when they write a song about you.

If you look down and can't see your feet - you're probably not very active.

Sometimes sweating too much can have disastrous results.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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1/2/16 11:22 A

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That is so funny Shirl...and unfortunately also very true for some of us! Thanks for the giggle as well as the reminder of why we are on this journey.

New Year's Day Prayer for One and All

Dear Lord

So far this year I've done well.

I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.

Amen

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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1/2/16 10:54 A

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Well here we are at our first silly Sat. for 2016, I hope it's a good year for all of us. Don't forget to find some laughter in each day.

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste,
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.

I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick,
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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12/19/15 11:13 A

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Well we are down to one more Sat. in Dec. thought I'd throw in some Christmas Humor. Wanda I liked the two you posted. I thought this one was cute.


The Week Before Christmas




Twas the week before Christmas and all through the school Not a pupil was silent, no matter what rule. The children were busy with paper and paste; The mess that they made with it couldn't be faced.

The teacher half frantic and almost in tears, Had just settled down to work with her dears, When out in the hall there arose such a clatter up sprang the kids to see what was the matter!

Away to the door they all flew like a flash; The one who was leading went down with a crash. Then what to their wondering eyes did appear But a green Christmas tree! (To decorate I fear!)

When the teacher saw this, she almost grew sick. She knew in a moment it must be (the janitor) Old Nick! She ran to the door (all her efforts were vain) But she shouted, and stamped, and she called them by name;

"Now Tommy! Now Sandy, Now Judy and Harry! Stop Billy! Stop Robert! Stop Donny and Sherry! Now get to your places get away from the hall Now get away! Get away! Get away all!

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly The pupils, pell mell, started scurrying by. They ran to the blackboard and skipped down the aisle; Their faces were shining and each had a smile.

First came a basket of popcorn to string -Then came the Christmas tree (menacing thing). As the tree was brought in there arose a great shout; The pupils were merrily romping about.

The state they were in could lead to a riot; The teacher was sure, if allowed, they would try it. Her nerves how they jangled! Her temples were throbbing! The rush of her breath sounded almost like sobbing!

The lines of her face were as fixed as a mask; It was plain that she didn't feel up to her task. The look in her eye would have tamed a wild steer, But the children ignored it; they did every year.

A tear from her eye and a shake of her head Soon led me to think that she wished she were dead. She spoke not a word but went straight to her work, Strung all the popcorn which broke with a jerk.

But at last it was finished and placed on the tree; Then came the bell and the children were free! Their shrill little voices soon faded away And peace was restored at the end of the day. As she looked at the Christmas tree glistening and tall, She smiled as she whispered, Merry Christmas to all!


Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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11/28/15 9:46 A

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Nov 28 Silly Saturday

Did you know that according to the song, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", Santa has twelve reindeer? Sure, in the introduction it goes "There's Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen..." That makes eight reindeer. Then there's Rudolph, of course, so that makes nine. Then there's Olive. You know, "Olive the other reindeer used to laugh..." That makes ten. The eleventh is Howe. You know, "Then Howe the reindeer loved him..." Eleven reindeer. Oh, and number 12? That's Andy! "Andy shouted out with glee." The proof is in the song!
Originally Contributed by: unknown...We were reminded about Andy by Paul Grupe!

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11/21/15 10:15 A

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Nov 21 Silly Saturday

The Moth


A man wandered into a doctor's consulting rooms and asked if could see the doctor. The receptionist was hesitant to let him in, especially as it was Christmas Eve and she was waiting to turn off the Christmas lights in the waiting room and go home; but he was very insistent. So the Doctor, having had completed all his consultations for the day and feeling in a 'good will to men' mood, agreed to see him.

The man entered in a rather aimless manner and after some hesitation flopped into a chair and looked nervously around the room.

"How can I help you?" said the doctor.

"Well, it's like this" said the man. "I keep thinking I'm a moth".

"A moth?"

"Yes" the man replied. "I'm convinced that I'm a moth".

"Well I'm very sorry, but you're in the wrong place. What you need is a psychiatrist".

"That's what I've been thinking" replied the man .

"Well, as it happens, I know just the man". said the doctor "I'll give him a call and see if he can fix an appointment for you after the holiday."

The man agreed and the doctor made the appointment.

"Tell me" said the doctor "It must have been very apparent from the sign outside that I'm a general practitioner. So if you already know you need to see a psychiatrist, why did you come in?"

"Well" the man said in a resigned voice "The door was open and the lights were on .....".

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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11/15/15 8:33 A

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*grin*...that would teach the butcher for trying to outsmart the customer Shirl!

Canadian Beer Funny Canadian Jokes

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Arnie stops him and asks, 'Hey Bill, whatcha got that case of beer for?'

'Well, I got it for my wife, you see?' answers Bill.

'Wow!' exclaims Arnie, 'Great trade.'

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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11/14/15 11:12 A

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November is flying by! Almost turkey time for us here in the USA. Hope you have a day with laughter in it.

The Man Who Forgot to Buy a Turkey for Thanksgiving

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.

'Please let me in, 'says the man desperately. 'I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one.'

'Okay, 'says the butcher.' Let me see what I have left.' He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's one last scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

'That's one is too skinny. What else you got?' says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

'Oh, no, 'says the man, 'That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!'

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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11/7/15 10:32 A

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Here we are at our first silly Saturday of Nov. I hope you have a joy filled day.




Insurance Claim


(Straight from the Virginia State Police, Insurance Fraud Division, Dinwiddie County)

A Charlotte, North Carolina man having purchased a box of very rare, very expensive cigars insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay,

citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued and won.

In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed that the claim was frivolous. He stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000.00 for the rare cigars he had lost in the "fires."

After the man cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on twenty-four counts of ARSON. With his own insurance claim and testimony for the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to twenty-four months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.

Source: Emmitsburg.net

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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10/31/15 8:21 A

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Oct 31 Silly Saturday.

Time for some Halloween fun.

Tall Tale from Vienna Graveyard

Chris Cross, a tourist in Vienna, is going passed Vienna's Zentralfriedhof graveyard on October 31st. All of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. Chris finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades Tim Burr, a friend, to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"

Happy Halloween

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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10/25/15 9:53 A

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I'll join you in the "sillies" Shirl.

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

Have you seen Quasimodo?
I have a hunch he's back!

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
He turns into a bat every night.

How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.

How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
"Don't spook until you're spooken to."

What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?
I'm bone to be wild.

What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Boo-ties

What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid.

What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.

What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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10/24/15 10:48 A

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Wanda loved your post from last Sat. Halloween is a week from today so thought maybe we should get some Halloween humor going.

Funny, Clean Halloween Jokes

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests
!
Why did Dracula's mother give him cough medicine?
Because he was having a coffin fit.

What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put a goldfish brain in the body of his dog?
I don't know, but it is great at chasing submarines.

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?'
Cos everyone was a goblin.

Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
It was a stake sandwich.

Dracula decided he need a dog, which breed did he choose?
A bloodhound.

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.

What do skeletons always order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs!

Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart.

Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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10/17/15 10:12 A

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Good morning and happy fall day!

Mexican Bungie

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the
second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own
bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their
money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord,
insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and began to set up on the square. As they
are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly,
more and more people gather to watch them at work. Once they
complete the tower, and announcement is made in Spanish and
the first guy jumps.

He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up,
the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able to catch him, he falls
again, bounces, and comes back up again.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again,the second guy misses
him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time,
he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones
and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches
him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the hell
is a pinata?"

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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10/17/15 9:31 A

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Only one more Sat. left in Oct., that doesn't seem possible, but it is. Hope you can find some laughter in your day.

Proverbs

As any experienced conversationalist can tell you, ambiguity is the key to winning any argument. Following are a few popular proverbs and counter-proverbs that will allow you to turn a conversation in any direction you want. Who can argue with the wit and wisdom of our fore fathers, or even our five fathers?

Actions speak louder than words.
The pen is mightier than the sword.

Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.

Many hands make light work.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.

Clothes make the man.
Don't judge a book by its cover.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Better safe than sorry.

The bigger, the better.
The best things come in small packages.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Out of sight, out of mind.

What will be, will be.
Life is what you make it.

Cross your bridges when you come to them.
Forewarned is forearmed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
One man's meat is another man's poison.

With age comes wisdom.
Out of the mouths of babes come all wise sayings.

The more, the merrier.
Two's company; three's a crowd.

Source: GCFL

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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10/11/15 9:55 A

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Wanda thanks for posting silly Saturday for me while I was away. That was cute.

Hugs,
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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10/10/15 10:26 A

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Oct 10 Silly Saturday
A Piece of Pumpkin Pie?Pumpkin Thanksgiving jokes

Jolene was only 8 years old and lived with family in the country with her parents and brother. Consequently they did not often have visitors from the city. One day Jolene's mother said that father was bringing two guests home for Thanksgiving supper.

After they had enjoyed the turkey, Jolene went to the kitchen to help her mother, and proudly brought in the first piece of pumpkin pie and gave it to her father. He then passed the plate to a guest. When Jolene came in with the second piece and gave it to his father, he again gave it to a guest.

This was too much for Little Jolene, who blurted out, 'It's no use, Daddy. The pieces are all the same size.'

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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10/4/15 9:30 A

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Happy Silly Saturday!

Two blondes are in a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first woman.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the game warden.

"But officer," replied the second girl, "we aren't fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The game warden lifted up the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," shrugged the game warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the game warden left.

As soon as he was out of sight, the women started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop! Doesn't he know that there are steelheads in this river?!"

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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10/3/15 10:13 A

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Oh Wanda your post from last Sat. gave me a giggle. Now we're at our first silly Sat. of Oct. Hope you can find lots of laughter in your day.

Out of the mouths of babes


A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

Better To Be Safe Than. .. Punch A 5th Grader.

Strike While The... Bug Is Close.

It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.

Never Under Estimate The Power Of.. Termites.

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But.. How?

Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.

No News Is... Impossible.

A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.

You Cant Teach An Old Dog New... Math.

If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning.

Love All, Trust... Me!

The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.

An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.

Where There's Smoke, There is... Pollution.

Happy The Bride Who... Gets All The Presents!

A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.

Two's Company, Three's... The Musketeers.

Don't Put Off Tomorrow What... You Put On To Go To Bed.

Laugh & The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry & You Have To Blow Your Nose.

None Are So Blind As... Helen Keller.

Children Should Be Seen And Not... Spanked Or Grounded.

If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.

You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.

When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way.

There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Eddie.

Source: SurfCCC

Grins & Giggles
Shirl



Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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9/26/15 9:40 A

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Sept 26 Silly Saturday, our last one for September!

Kids!

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees
about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed
the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's
whisper, "Hello?"

Feeling a bit put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a
youngster, the boss asked, "Is your daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy
there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left
home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with
the person who should be there watching over the child.

"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he is busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman," came the whispered
answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team
just landed the hello-copper!"

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss
asked, "The search team?! Why are they there?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled
giggle, "They are looking for me!"

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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9/19/15 8:48 A

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Well we only have one more silly Saturday left for Sept. Seeing Wed., Sept. 23, is the first day of Autumn thought we needed some fall humor. Hope you can find a chuckle in here somewhere.


Short Fall Jokes

Q: What did the tree say to autumn?
A: leaf me alone.

Q: What did one autumn leaf say to another?
A: I'm falling for you.

Q: Why did summer catch autumn?
A: Because autumn is fall.

Q: Why do the Boston Red Sox fans love autumn?
A: Because watching the leaves fall reminds them of the (Yankees).

Q: How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch

Q: What falls in autumn?
A: Leaves!

Q: What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi

Q: What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking?
A: A pumpkin patch!

Q: How does an Elephant get out of a tree?
A: Sits on a leaf and waits till Autumn!

Q: What will fall on the lawn first?
Q: An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue?

Q: What is a tree's least favorite month?
A: Sep-timber!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl



Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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9/12/15 2:15 P

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Wanda thanks for getting us started on silly Saturday. Your post is especially funny to me as "Darling" is my maiden name, now how funny is that, ha, ha.

Just trying to help


It can buy a House But not a Home

It can buy a Bed But not Sleep

It can buy a Clock But not Time

It can buy you a Book But not Knowledge

It can buy you a Position But not Respect

It can buy you Medicine But not Health

It can buy you Blood But not Life

So you see money isn’t everything. And it often causes pain and suffering.

I tell you this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.

So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. Cash only please.

Source: Laugh of the day

Grins & Giggles
Shirl



Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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9/12/15 9:16 A

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Sept 12 Silly Saturday

(I was up early Shirl *grin*)


NEW EMPLOYEE
the manager of a large office asked a new employee to come into his office. "What is your name?," was the first thing the manager asked.
"John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled. "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority," he said. "I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling." The manager said, "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you..."




Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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9/5/15 10:45 A

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Here we are at our first silly Sat. in Sept. and before you know it we'll be at our last. Have a laughed filled day.




Act of Generosity
Friday, May 11, 2001

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum."

"You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That's a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said, "Thanks."

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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8/29/15 9:57 A

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It's hard to believe that we are at the end of August already!

Telemarketer Joke:

Listen a job is a job, we all need to find away to put bread on the table don’t we? To make a long story short I’m a telemarketer that’s my job and that’s what I do. It’s not a job everyone appreciates, but it’s a job I enjoy and am proud of.

The other day I called a house and a real nice lady answered the phone, she was really helpful and friendly, she was the type of lady that helps a telemarketer get through a long day.

After some pleasantries I asked if Mr. Smith was in, “I’m sorry”, she answered “I’m afraid he doesn’t live here anymore.” Now that was a real disappointment being that she was a nice lady and all, but I took it all in a stride, “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Do you happen to have his new number.”

“Sure thing!” The woman cheerfully replied, listing off his new number. I hung up the phone and quickly called the new number and was surprised to hear a recording.
“Thank you for calling Green Acres Cemetery…”



Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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8/29/15 9:38 A

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Going to a local theater group to see "Assisted Living" which I have heard is hysterical! Can't wait.
Enjoy your "silly Saturday!"

Phyllis ~~~~
Every day is an ADVENTURE!
Indiana - Eastern Time


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