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9/13/14 10:20 A

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hahahahaha...Garry and I are still giggling Shirl. What a good way to start my day.


Here is a groaner:

A preacher and his flock at a very poor church in the hills of Tennessee took up collections, baked cakes and washed cars for months to get enough money to buy paint for the church exterior which was bare and weatherbeaten. Finally they went to Walmart and bought enough paint for the job and all joined together on a Saturday morning to complete the job. When they were about half finished they realized that they were going to run out of paint before finishing. The preacher said, "Its a water base paint, just thin it down with water." They continued painting and thinning until the color started losing its depth and when they finally finished it was dark green at the top, light green in the middle and a very light green (almost white) at the bottom. The preacher and his flock were standing on a nearby hill admiring their work when a dark cloud appeared and the heavens opened up with a deluge of rain which washed all of the newly applied paint off the church. The preacher was in tears and the congregation was stunned at all the hard work they had done for nothing.

Just then there was a huge lightening flash followed by the roll of thunder and a loud voice from the heavens rang out, "REPAINT, REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE."

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 8,930
9/13/14 9:38 A

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Happy silly Saturday1

A man hears from a doctor that his end is near so he heads over to a lawyer to write a will. The secretary watches as the man walks into the Lawyer’s office and as three minutes later the man walks off in a huff. “Can I help you?” asks the secretary, dashing after the obviously upset man. “HELP ME? THIS GUY IS CRAZY! I asked him to help me write a will and he says to me: ‘sure, let me just ask you a few questions and then leave it all to me.’ “I’ve heard before how lawyers are dishonest but this just takes the cake!”

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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9/6/14 10:54 A

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Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was completely whisked away, leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor. The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself.
"It was the most amazing thing ... it was the most amazing thing." she kept repeating dazedly.
"What was the most amazing thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers.
"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did was pull the plug and dog-gone-it if the whole house didn't suddenly drain away."

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"
Submitted by JH

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YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 8,930
9/6/14 9:53 A

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Here we are at our first silly Saturday of Sept. Join us here for a laugh and hopefully add your own funny to help give us a laugh.

“Sugar why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years. “Sure thing,” said her husband settling himself down. “Now darling, would you like the soup first or the salad?” Questioned Dorothy. “Umm I guess I’ll take the soup.” He responded. After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest Bob couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer. Bob snuck into the kitchen and asked, “Dorothy do you always talk to your husband like that?” “Bob, I’ll be honest with you,” Dorothy replied. “It’s been five years now, I just can’t remember his name, and I am just too embarrassed to ask him!”

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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8/30/14 12:41 P

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Wanda thanks for the giggles and for getting silly Saturday started. I had no connection early, saw the maintenance guy and asked him if he would reset it and he did so was finally able this afternoon to get on. Here's my contribution to silly Saturday.

A man and his wife were going for a stroll one night when they spotted what was obviously a blind man taking a walk on the other side of the street with his seeing eye dog. “Wow! Isn’t that something!” remarked the wife, “look at that man taking a stroll just like us.” They continued strolling for a few minutes longer when they heard the man let out a loud yelp. The dog had walked him right into a parked car and he had clearly banged his shin pretty hard. Rushing over to help, they were surprised to see the man reach into his pocket and pull out a treat for the dog. “Isn’t that weird?” whispered the wife, “giving him a treat even when he’s mad.” “Why are you giving him a treat?” questioned the husband. “I AINT GIVING HIM A TREAT!” said the enraged man, “I’M JUST TRYING TO FIND OUT WHERE HIS HEAD IS, SO I CAN GIVE HIM A SHARP KICK IN THE BEHIND!

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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8/30/14 10:46 A

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August 30 Silly Saturday

Please join us in leaving a giggle, a smile or an outright laugh for an uplifting experience for all.


Two blonde builders were working on a house. One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood. The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?" The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!" The second blonde explained, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"


The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."




Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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8/2/14 11:35 A

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Thanks for the giggle Shirl.


The Weigh Scale

Two kids went into their parents bathroom and noticed the weigh scale in the corner. "Whatever you do," cautioned one youngster to the other, "Don't step on it!"

"Why not?" asked the sibling.

"Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful scream!"



Mom's Dictionary

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.
TWO MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
VERBAL: able to whine in words
WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house...

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 8,930
8/2/14 10:05 A

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Good silly morning to all on our first one of August. This one gave me a giggle, hope it works for you too.

So, I’m sure you all heard of John Hoki, the inventor of the Hoki Poki. While John’s life is well known, what’s not so well know, is a story that happened at his funeral in the late 1940′s. Being that John was quite a popular fella, mostly due to the Hoki Poki, which spread like wildfire through his small Middle Eastern town, thousands showed up for his funeral, all coming to bid him farewell. Well, it happened right before the ceremony was about to begin, when the undertaker gently lifted John up to place him in the coffin. The problem that arose was that as soon as they put his right foot in…….(I’m sure you can figure out the rest.)

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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7/26/14 10:16 A

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too funny Shirl... thanks for the giggle this morning.

The Reason I'm Tired:

For a couple of years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I’m tired because I’m overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you’re sitting at your computer reading jokes!

Read more at: undefined | Great Clean Jokes



Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 8,930
7/26/14 9:07 A

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We have arrived at our last silly Saturday of July, were did this month go to, wow, summer is moving right along. Join us here to just read or if you have a funny to share, everyone is welcome to join in.

Wanda liked your post from last Sat.

Due to a job transfer, Brian moved from his hometown to New York City. Being that he had a very comprehensive health history, he brought along all of his medical paperwork, when it came time for his first check up with his new Doctor. After browsing through the extensive medical history, the Doctor stared at Brian for a few moments and said, ” Well there’s one thing I can say for certain, you sure look better in person than you do on paper!”

Read more at: undefined | Great Clean Jokes

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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7/19/14 11:04 A

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July 19 Silly Saturday.

Please join in the giggles, grins and out right laughs.

Fight with wife One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. This goes on for a half an hour and the bartender gets worried. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days." After thinking it over in a reassurring tone, the bartender asked. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?". "Yeah, except today is the last night."

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/random/joke388.htm
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Donation

Father O'Malley answers the phone. “Hello, is this Father O'Malley?”

“It is!”

“This is the IRS. Can you help us?”

“I can!”

“Do you know a Ted Houlihan?”

“I do!”

“Is he a member of your congregation?”

“He is!”

“Did he donate $10,000 to the church?”

“He will.”


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A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.

“What was that for?” the man asked.

The wife replied, “That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket.”

The man then said, “When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.” The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.

Wife replied, “Your horse phoned.”


Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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7/5/14 6:54 P

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Thanks for the laughs... cute jokes!!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE GREAT TO START, BUT YOU HAVE TO START TO BE GREAT!!!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Phillipians 4:13.


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7/5/14 12:13 P

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Have a SILLY SATURDAY! :)

Here is a cute joke my mom told to me years ago... Ready?

Question: Why did the boy bubble chase the girl bubble around the bathtub?
Answer: He wanted to see her bust!

emoticon


BE YOURSELF! BE YOU! You can do it!

Debbie
(Washington State)


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7/5/14 11:07 A

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Happy first silly Saturday of July. Hope all had a happy and safe 4th.

Lauren was frustrated. She had complained dozens of times to her daughter about her newest gag of kissing the bathroom mirror immediately after applying lipstick, but it was all to no avail. Finally, one day after spending a half hour scrubbing the mirror, only to find another kiss mark an hour later, Lauren had enough. “Lizzy!” she hollered, “What?” came her daughter’s reply through her bedroom door. I can’t find the toilet brush that I’ve been using to clean the bathroom mirror. Do you have any idea where it is?” After hearing the gagging from behind the bedroom door, Lauren knew her days of cleaning kiss marks off of mirrors were over.

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/28/14 5:52 P

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Thanks Wanda, I needed those today!
emoticon emoticon

Phyllis ~~~~



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6/28/14 9:58 A

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June 28 Silly Saturday

"The Old Days"

A grandpa was telling his young grandson what life was like when he was a boy.

"In the winter we’d ice skate on our pond. In the summer we could swim in the pond, and pick berries in the woods. We’d swing on an old tire my dad hung from a tree on a rope. And we had a pony we rode all over the farm."

The little boy was amazed, and sat silently for a minute. Finally he said, "Granddad, I wish I'd gotten to know you a lot sooner!"




A couple in their nineties are both having some short term memory loss.

While in for a checkup, the physician says that physically they’re okay, but since they’re having trouble remembering things, they might want to start writing things down.

Later that evening they’re sitting and reading, when the husband gets up.

“Would you like anything from the kitchen?” he asks.

“Some vanilla ice cream,” his wife replies.

“Okay.”

“Shouldn’t you write it down so you don’t forget it?” she asks.

“Don’t worry, I won’t forget.”

“Well,” she says. “A few raspberries on top would be great. You want to write that down?”

“I’ve got it, honey. A bowl of vanilla ice cream with raspberries on top.”

“And chocolate sauce, too. Maybe you’ll forget that. Want me to write it down for you?”

A little miffed, he replies, “I’ve got it! Ice cream, raspberries and chocolate sauce. I don’t need it written down, for gosh sakes!”

He waddles out to the the kitchen. A half hour later, he comes back with a plate of ham and scrambled eggs, and gives it to his wife.

She stares at the plate a few seconds, then says, “You forgot my toast.”


Hugs,
Wanda


Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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6/21/14 11:08 A

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HAHA...that is something one of my kids would have said. Thanks Shirl for the giggle.

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

"Oh," she paused, "grandpa, did God make me too?"

"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"


Hugs,
Wanda

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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6/21/14 9:48 A

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Happy first day of summer, though it felt more like a fall morning, crazy weather. Join us here to read or if you have a funny to share.

My four year old daughter had a terrible case of the flu, she was achy, had a high fever, and was terribly hoarse. After waiting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office for over an hour we were finally admitted to see the Doctor. After the usual routine of listening to her breathing and checking her ears, the Doctor looked my daughter in the eye and said, “so what would you say is bothering you the most?” Without skipping a beat my daughter promptly answered, “Billy, he always breaks my toys!”

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shril

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/15/14 11:06 A

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Wanda thanks for getting silly Saturday started you gave me a giggle.

A wife was sitting peacefully in her cozy armchair sewing her husband’s socks. Her husband came in to the room and glanced at what she was doing, and started badgering, “HONEY be more careful! PLEASE WATCH WHAT YOU ARE DOING! You don’t wan’t to poke YOUR finger! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! Don’t look up when YOUR’E SEWING! There you go now slow and steady, nice even stitches. The wife puts down the needle and thread, looks up at her husband, and says, “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you know how many times I’ve sewn socks before?! “EXACTLY THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO GET AT”, hollered the husband, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I’VE DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE!?

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

Giggles & Grins
Shirl

Edited by: YOYONOMORE1 at: 6/15/2014 (11:08)
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/14/14 9:37 A

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June 14 Silly Saturday

Join in the challenge and leave us a giggle or two.

Short Summer Jokes
Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
A: I'm bacon!

Q: What do you call six weeks of rain in Scotland? A: Summer! Q: How do you prevent a Summer cold?
A: Catch it in the Winter!

Q: What do you call a french guy in sandals?
A: Phillipe Phloppe.

Q: When do you go at red and stop at green?
A: When you're eating a watermelon.

Q: How do men exercise at the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini.

Two Year Old

My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Alex playing calmly in the woods. "Listen to me, Alex," his mother said sharply. "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?" Alex thought about that for a moment and said, "Okay. Disney World."




Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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6/7/14 1:51 P

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Oh Wanda that gave me a good chuckle!

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/7/14 9:25 A

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Clergy on the beach


Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery.

Presently, a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare.

As she passed them she turned, smiled, and said: "Good morning father, good morning father." Nodding and addressing each of them individually.

They were both stunned; how in the world were they recognized as priests?

They went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits and again they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.

After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads).

Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "good morning father", "good morning father" and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it and said, "just a minute young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"

"Oh father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Kathryn!"




Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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6/7/14 8:52 A

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Here's our fist silly Saturday of June, hope it's one full of laughter for you. If you have a funny to share please join us here and help us have a giggle.

Nurse – I’m sorry but rules are rules! You can only be discharges in a wheelchair! On the way out in a wheelchair Nurse – Is your wife going to be meeting you? Old Man – I don’t know. She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/31/14 9:19 A

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Why God Never Received Tenure at any University




He had only one major publication.

It was in Hebrew.

It had no references.

It wasn't published in a refereed journal.

Some even doubt he wrote it himself.

It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?

His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.

The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.

He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.

When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.

When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample .

He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.

Some say he had his son teach the class.

He expelled his first two students for learning.

Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.

His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.


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Wanda

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5/31/14 8:21 A

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Well we've made it to our last silly Saturday of May and will be heading into June. If you have a funny to share please join us here and help us have a giggle.

Lisa, a 16 year old girl, nervously brought her most recent boyfriend home with her to meet her parents. Although Lisa was very fond of him she was nervous about what sort of impression he’d make on her parents. After all, he was full of tattoos and rings all over his body. “Mom,” said Lisa nervously, ” I would like you to meet Spike, my boyfriend, Spike this is my Mom.” After a few minutes of small talk and pleasantries, Lisa’s Mom called her over and whispered “Lisa, I don’t like him, he just doesn’t seem very nice!” “Mom please!” retorted Lisa, “if he’s not a nice guy how can you explain the forty hours of community service he does a week?!”

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/24/14 10:57 A

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Thanks for the giggle Shirl.


Some more gardening humor:

GOD AND ST. FRANCIS DISCUSSING LAWNS

GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?"

ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a really stupid movie about.....

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.


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5/24/14 8:48 A

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One more silly Saturday in May, where has the month gone. If you have a funny to share join us here, or if not just read and hopefully have a laugh or two.

My boss called me into his office today. “We both know you’re not the brightest spark here, Simon,” he said, “but over the last 5 years you’ve never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. So, how does a brand new car sound?” “Vrooom! Vrooooom!” I replied.

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/17/14 10:05 A

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May 17 Silly Saturday

Join me in sharing a giggle or two.



Two older ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
One leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off right now and streak through that stupid flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.

As fast as she could, the first little old lady fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"Why, I won first prize for Best Dried Arrangement."


A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences were broken down. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!" A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!" "Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"


A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"

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To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/10/14 9:43 A

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haha...Shirl...that would be my hubby!

some more handyman humor:

AFTER a two-week vacation, a man returned to his office and one of his fellow workers asked him what kind of time he'd had. "I spent the whole two weeks helping my wife paint the rooms in our house," he groaned. "Does she do that often?" "Well," he replied, "when we moved in a few years ago, the guest room was nine by twelve. Now it's eight by eleven!"

WHILE I was working at a lumberyard, a customer asked where we kept two-by-fours. I directed him to the pile, and asked, "How long do you want them?" "Quite a while!" was his reply. "I'm nailing them to a house."

MY PARENTS, who are real do-it-your-selfers, were sprucing up their basement. They picked out bright orange shag carpeting and then spread it over our lawn in order to measure and cut it. Neighbours watched curiously. Before long, the teenage daughter of one neighbour spoke up. "Our family has taken a vote," she said. "I've been elected to tell you that if we have any voice in this, we would prefer you leave your lawn the colour it is."

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/10/14 9:32 A

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Do any of you have a handyman husband like this? Have a happy, laugh filled, silly Saturday.

“Honey!” screamed my husband from our bedroom, “you MUST check this out! “What is it?” I hollered back from the kitchen. “You’re not going to believe what I found when I was drilling a hole through the wall! I found a secret stash of bottles!” Just then I heard my daughters voice hollering from the bathroom, “I’m trying to brush my teeth in here! Who the hell is drilling a hole through the medicine cabinet!?”

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/3/14 10:36 A

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Hope you can find some laughter today. Wanda you gave me a giggle last Sat. Everyone is welcome to just read or if you have a funny you could share please join us here and share the laughter.

An onion can make people cry but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. ~ Will Rogers

When I come to one of the forks in the road of life, I don’t waste time and energy wishing it was a spoon. ~ Miss Piggy

All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.

If all is not lost, where is it?

The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.

I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.

It was all so different before everything changed.

Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few ...

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.

When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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4/26/14 10:12 A

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I'm up bright and early and thought I would get Silly Saturday started, hope you have a giggle or two.


A new priest, born and raised in Texas, comes to
serve in a city parish and is nervous about hearing
confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in
on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions,
then the old priest asks him to step out of the
confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, “Cross your arms over your
chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying
things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.'”

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one
hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little
better than slapping your knee and saying,
‘No guff, what happened next?’

hugs, Wanda

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4/19/14 10:13 A

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All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from the Easter Bunny


Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There's no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Some body parts should be floppy.
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell.
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey!

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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4/19/14 7:47 A

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Here we are at the day before Easter, hope yours is a blessed and happy one. Here's a little more Easter humor. Please join us here to just read or if you have a funny to share, the more the merrier.

Wanda I got a giggle out of yours from last week.

Q: What do you get when you cross a rabbits foot with poison ivy?

A: a rash of good luck.

Q: What do you call a bunny with a dictionary in his pants?

A: A smarty pants.

Q: What do you call Easter when you are hopping around?

A: Hoppy Easter!

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/easte
rjokes/easteronelinersjokes.html

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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4/12/14 10:15 A

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HAHA good ones Shirl...let's see if I can find anything to bring a giggle or two.

The Funny Story of the Taxi Driver and St PeterSt Peter Religious Joke

One Easter a priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

'Come with me,' said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.

'Oh my word, thank you,' said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rough old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,' said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'

'Yes, that's true.' St Peter rejoined, 'But during your Easter sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'

Hugs,
Wanda

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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4/12/14 10:13 A

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LOL, Shirl!

Since I'm going to the Pink Ribbon Tea Party today, I thought I'd share some tea jokes from www.thesnooze.com:

How long does it take to ship tea from China by slow boat?
Oolong Time! - (Mensch Freborg Wins Pignoli Nuts!)

What does a teapot say to her hairdresser?
Don't teas - (Theresa Rubino Wins my company!

What does the teapot say to its bag?
I don't want another seep out of you! -(Teary Wins my company!)

.•*´¨ ) ¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Maurizia.•*¨)♥

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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4/12/14 7:40 A

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Good silly Saturday morning to all. Seeing Easter is fast approaching thought we could use some Easter humor. If you have a funny to share please join us here.

Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain? A: An egghead. Q: What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water? A: It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!

So, Easter commemorates when Jesus hid eggs for the disciples to find, and then he turned all the rabbits into chocolate, right? Q: Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs? A: From Eggplants.

Q: What happened to the Easter Bunny when he misbehaved at school?

A: He was eggspelled!

Q: Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs?

A: She had to call an eggs-terminator!

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas? A: Bugs Bunny! Q: Why was the little girl sad after the race?

A: Because an egg beater!

Q: What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?

A: a hot cross bunny

Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most? A: Fry-days. Q: What kind of bunny can’t hop?

A: A chocolate one!

Q: How do bunnies stay healthy?

A: Eggercise

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/easte
rjokes/easteronelinersjokes.html

Have an eggcellent day!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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4/5/14 7:34 P

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Thanks for the evening giggles Wanda and for posting here for me today.

Hugs,
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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4/5/14 10:51 A

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Short Spring Jokes
Q. When do monkeys fall from the sky?
A. During Ape-ril showers!

Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May!

Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
A: Because they've just finished a long, 31 day March!

Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring-time!

Q: What flowers grow on faces?
A: Tulips (Two-lips)!

Q: Why is the letter A like a flower?
A: A bee (B) comes after it!

Q: When do people start using their trampoline?
A: Spring-Time

Q: What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A: A hot cross bunny

Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
A: Lily!

Q: What does the Easter Bunny order at a Chinese Restaurant?
A: Hop Suey!

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny


Spring Fever Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"

Hugs,
Wanda


Positive Bloggers

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To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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3/29/14 9:32 A

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Now those are some crazy laws!

Thanks for the giggles Shirl...I'm sure we have some just as bad in Canada.

Crazy laws in Canada:

You’d be surprised to learn what’s against the law in Canada. For example, recently a Toronto businessman found that to sell edible underwear in his ‘Adult Entertainment’ store, he’d need a food license. Who knew?

1. It's Illegal To Whistle in Petrolia, Ont."
A Petrolia city rep says this unusual law simply aims to limit excessive noise between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m., but according to Article 3, 772.3.6 on the town’s website, “Yelling, shouting, hooting, whistling or singing is prohibited at all times.” Keep your enthusiasm to yourself, folks.

2. Keep Your Booze At Home:
According to the Importation of Intoxicating Liquors Act (which dates back to the time of prohibition and bootleggers), you can only legally move a bottle of booze from one province to another with the permission of the provincial liquor control board. The situation changed on May 28th, 2012, allowing you to legally move wine, but little else.

3. It's Illegal To Attach a Siren To Your Bike in Sudbury, Ont.
Since 1973, the only noise-makers Sudbury cyclists can attach to their bikes are bells and horns. Breaking noise bylaws in Sudbury can lead to fines up to $5,000. Who attaches a siren to their bike, anyways?

4. It's Illegal to Skinny Dip in Bancroft, Ont.
Travel Writer Melanie Chambers highlighted this unusual bylaw ban, and it may well still be on the books. Either way, be sure to get you skivvies on before you get your skinny on.

5. Don't Pay With Too Much Change!
While it won't make you a law breaker, according to Canada’s Currency Act of 1985 there are limits to the number of coins you can use in a transaction. Now that we’ve put the kibosh on the old penny, are you accumulating nickels? If it’s nickels, vendors can say no to any purchase over $5, while the loonie limit is $25.

6. Taxi Drivers Can't Wear a T-Shirt in Halifax, N.S.
According to Halifax’s Regional Municipality Bylaws for Taxis and Limousines, number 42 a) stipulates drivers must wear shoes and socks, keep their attire in neat and tidy condition at all times, and absolutely cannot wear a t-shirt. Looks like summer is a whole lot hotter for cabbies in Halifax.

7. It Was Illegal for Non-dark Soft Drinks To Contain Caffeine
Sprite, Mountain Dew and other non-dark soft drinks couldn’t contain caffeine, but that all changed in March 2010 with the advent of “energy drinks” like Redbull. Now you can have caffeine in soft drinks like orange and grape soda, however there is a limit, and it’s still lower than colas.

8. It's Illegal To Build Big Snowmen in Souris, P.E.I.
Souris, P.E.I. is well-known to summer visitors for its curious ‘Singing Sands’ Beach, but few know of a local law that warns residents against building monstrous snowmen. If you live on a corner lot it’s against the law to built a snowman taller than 30-inches. Fear of Frosty's revenge, much?


9. Get Your Margarine Out of Here!
Few may remember this, but thanks to lobbying by dairy farmers it was illegal to sell butter-coloured margarine in Ontario until 1995. In fact, margarine was altogether banned in Canada from 1886 to 1948 (there was a brief reprieve during WW1)

10. You Can't Just 'Jump In The Lake' In Toronto
According to the Toronto Port Authority, you can’t swim anywhere in the harbour that has not been designated as a swimming area by the City of Toronto. So, if you’re out on a boat and want to cool off, keep this in mind. Historically, there was also a law that you couldn’t swim in Toronto Harbor in ‘less than-seemly’attire. Travel writer Mark Stevens pointed out this ruling: “When the nude beach at Hanlon’s opened Police were ticketing using this bylaw.” That law has been updated, and you can now officially swim naked IF you are at the nude beach.

11. Keep Your Comics Clean
Our ‘Spidey Sense’ just started tingling! The way Canadian law currently stand, “Everyone commits an offence who… (b) makes, prints, publishes, distributes, sells or has in his possession for the purpose of publication, distribution or circulation a crime comic.” For the full story read: ‘Under Arrest – Canadian Laws You Won’t Believe’ by Bob Tarantino.

12. Clotheslines Were Banned
Talk about being hung out to dry! Many Canadian communities long restricted the use of clotheslines because they just didn’t like the look of them. Now because of increased energy consciousness the provincial government has stepped in with a ruling that overrides neighbourhood regulations.

13. Keep Your Kids at Home in St. Paul, Alta.
St. Paul residents don’t have to worry about their kids sneaking out late at night. It’s against the law for anyone 15 or younger to loiter in a public place without supervision of a parent or guardian between 12:01 a.m. and 6 a.m. Take that, whippersnappers!


more dumb laws:

In Calgary, Alberta it is illegal to buy and/or sell non prescription contacts at costume shops

Residents are not allowed to have an Internet connection faster than 56k.

You may not pay for a fifty-cent item with only pennies.

You may not paint a ladder as it will be slippery when wet.

Citizens may not publicly remove bandages.

If you have a water trough in your front yard it must be filled by 5:00 a.

It is illegal to show public affection on Sunday.

Businesses must provide rails for tying up horses.

It is illegal to kill a sick person by frightening them.



Positive Bloggers

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To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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3/29/14 8:58 A

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We have arrived at our last silly Saturday for March and we are almost into April and warmer weather, I hope. Join us here just to read or if you have a funny to share. I really need to find a new site to get jokes from, hope you can find a laugh somewhere below.

Florida Dumb City & County Laws:

Big Pine Key:

• It is illegal to molest a Key deer.


Broward County:

• Persons may not be “inappropriately attired” who work at hot dog stands.


Cape Coral:

• It is against the city ordinance to hang your clothes outside on a clothesline.

• It is illegal to park a pick-up truck in your driveway or in front of your house on the street.


Cape Coral City:

• A $50 fine will be levied on anyone who allows a couch to sit in their carport.


Daytona Beach:

• The molestation of trash cans is banned.

• Maintaining a car on your property which is no longer in use is prohibited.

• Owning a flower pot with water in it that isn’t capable of draining is considered a public nuisance.


Destin:

• It is illegal for an owner of a store to allow another person to pass out free ducklings in front of the store.

• Destin states that a cat that viciously chases passers-by is a ‘bad cat’.

• If you wish to go swimming in the ocean, get dressed in your hotel room.

• Torpedoes may not be set off in the city.

• If you like to love to ride your bicycle in Destin, don’t lean it up against a tree in a cemetery.

• It is illegal to drive over graves in a cemetery.

• If you notice an ice-cream man attempting to sell his cold concoctions in a cemetery, call the police immediately, for that is illegal.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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3/23/14 8:29 A

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Too funny, Wanda!!! emoticon

Looks like the access road to the expressway I take to work...except they are real potholes. emoticon

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Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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3/22/14 1:42 P

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Love it, thanks for the morning smile!

"The more you are grateful for what you have.. the more you will have to be grateful for!"


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3/22/14 10:20 A

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Ha, Wanda that's a good one. Thanks for getting us started with a laugh this morning.

Hugs,
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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3/22/14 9:42 A

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It's Silly Saturday time again...please join us in sharing a bit of laughter.


www.sillyhumor.com/canadian-speed-co
nt
rol/canadian-speed-control.html


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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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3/15/14 11:30 A

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Good ones, Shirl! LOL

There was a Scotsman an Englishman and an Irishman all sitting on a tea – break on a building site.

The Englishman pipes up, "If my wife puts cheese on my sandwich again I am going to kill myself."

The Scotsman says, "If my wife puts egg on my sandwich again, I will kill myself ."

The Irishman says, "If I find gammon on my sandwich again, I will kill myself."

Sure enough the next day all three open up there lunch boxes and find the sandwich are all full of cheese, egg and gammon once again so they all go off to different parts of the site and kill themselves.

Later in the week all three men are being buried and the Englishman’s wife says, "If he diddn’t want cheese on his sandwiches, he should have told me and this wouldn’t have happened.

The Scotsman’s wife comes away with the same statement concerning the egg sandwiches.

Then the Irishman’s wife pipes up, "I can’t understand this. Paddy made his own sandwiches."


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Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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Seeing we are at the Sat. before St. Patrick's Day felt we needed to get some Irish humor in here. Please join us just to read or if you have a funny to share to help us have a chuckle or two.

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave.

"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing," he replied, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."


Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by.

"Help!" Barty shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!"

Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."

Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail.

After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help."

As Mick was leaving, Barty called "Mick! Mick!

"Would it help if me pulled my feet out of the stirrups."

Like the warmth of the sun
And the light of the day,
May the luck of the Irish
shine bright on your way.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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3/8/14 9:25 A

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Shirl...I can always depend on you giving me a chuckle on Saturday mornings!




Scottish Wedding

"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.


Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong,

especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, whilst on drugs.

When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike.

Drive By

A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV, just the remote.

Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick bastard!!







SCAM



Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favourite 18 Holes".

Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.





Pregnant Prostitute



Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"

"For gosh sake, if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you fart?







Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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3/8/14 9:04 A

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Good morning on this 2nd silly Sat. of March. Join us to read or if you have a funny you could share, we love to read it. The following made me smile and then gave me a good chuckle, hope it helps you have a laugh for the day.

An very old man and a young woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two retired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 a.m., he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the cupboard to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own damned blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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3/1/14 11:22 A

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I see we are sharing fitness jokes. Here goes:

The trouble with jogging is that once you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.

I've been working out every day this week. My TV remote is broken, and getting up out of the chair 50 times a night is really tough.

I enjoy long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.

Exercise must be good for you. My wife's tongue has never been sick a day in her life.

My wife was forced to quit her aerobics class because she broke a toe. Unfortunately, it wasn't hers.


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(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Maurizia.•*¨)♥

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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Shirl...thanks for the great giggles this morning.

Welcome to March!

I WAS talking to a new acquaintance at a dinner party, and the conversation got around to unemployment. "You know, it's really sad," she said, "when so many people are out of work, and here I am living off the fat of the land." "How do you manage that?" I asked. She lowered her voice to a confidential whisper and replied, "I'm an aerobics instructor."


EVERY morning my father, an early riser who enjoyed keeping in shape, sprinted the four blocks from our house to the bus stop, carrying his briefcase. One evening at a social function in the neighbourhood, he overheard one man telling another, "There's a fella living up the block who has to run like a madman for the bus every morning - he'd save himself a lot of trouble if he only had the good sense to get out of bed five minutes earlier."


A FRIEND wanted me to enroll in an aerobics class. "No. Absolutely not!" I exclaimed. "I tried that once." "What happened?" she asked, looking puzzled. "I twisted, hopped, jumped, stretched and pulled," I replied. "And by the time I got those darn leotards on, the class was over!"

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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3/1/14 9:43 A

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Hey, we made it to March, woo hoo! Mauri loved your post last Sat. If you have a funny to share or just want to read the post please join us here.

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of idiot to forget to eat!

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

Grins & Giggles,
Shirl

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "listen witch... do it and die!"

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.


Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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2/22/14 9:58 A

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Love those tax jokes, Shirl! Thanks for the laughs.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. - Elayne Boosler



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Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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Our last silly Sat. for Feb. moving on into March and 25 more days till spring. This brings us to the lovely time of year know as tax season, so here's some funnies devoted to that. Join us here just to read or if you have a joke, funny story etc.to share with us.

Tax Jokes and Quotes

Do you realize that some tax forms ask you to check a box if
you are BLIND?

Quote: "Two years ago it was impossible to get through on
the phone to the IRS. Now it's just hard to get through.
That's progress."
-Charles Rossotti, former IRS Commissioner

Disappointed that you never had time to write the great
American novel? Don't fret, just go dig out your past tax
returns.

Quote: "The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after
taxes."

Under the Freedom of Information Act, a man with a small
business sent a request to the IRS asking if they had a file
on him. The IRS wrote back, "There is now."

Quote: "It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with
a smile, but normally cash is required."

Q: Who audits IRS agents?

Quote: "Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite
as satisfying as an income tax refund."

Q: How do you drive a CPA insane?

A: Fill out Form 1040EZ.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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2/15/14 6:34 P

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Wanda those were all great, lol!

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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2/15/14 9:47 A

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Just some silliness to read through:



WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend
Is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


Keep reading-they get better!!!

WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet ,I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'


KEEP READING ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM.


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
Pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
And still be afraid of a spider.


LOTS MORE TO ENJOY...KEEP SCROLLING DOWN FOR A WHILE.


MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his
Wife's' arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?


LOTS MORE TO LAUGH AT...

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
To get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
And some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... So does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)


KEEP ON READING.


WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an
Argument and
Neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they
Passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
The husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


MORE AND MORE YET TO ENJOY.


WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to
Repeat everything to men....
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'


KEEP ON GOING.

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !


SCROLL DOWN SOME MORE...

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
Should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,

And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
You should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and
Besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me..'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'


YEP, THERE IS SOME MORE...


The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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2/15/14 8:01 A

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Sweetneey that's a good one.

Well we are almost at the end of silly Saturdays for Feb. Join us here just to read or if you have a funny you can add to help make us laugh.

Q. Why don't lions eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.


Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.”

“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added,

“Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change…”


I will overcome
Ju
Bahamas

Eastern Time Zone (NY)


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2/8/14 10:43 A

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Thanks for the giggles, Wanda & Shirl.

.•*´¨ ) ¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Maurizia.•*¨)♥

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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