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8/29/15 9:57 A

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It's hard to believe that we are at the end of August already!

Telemarketer Joke:

Listen a job is a job, we all need to find away to put bread on the table don’t we? To make a long story short I’m a telemarketer that’s my job and that’s what I do. It’s not a job everyone appreciates, but it’s a job I enjoy and am proud of.

The other day I called a house and a real nice lady answered the phone, she was really helpful and friendly, she was the type of lady that helps a telemarketer get through a long day.

After some pleasantries I asked if Mr. Smith was in, “I’m sorry”, she answered “I’m afraid he doesn’t live here anymore.” Now that was a real disappointment being that she was a nice lady and all, but I took it all in a stride, “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Do you happen to have his new number.”

“Sure thing!” The woman cheerfully replied, listing off his new number. I hung up the phone and quickly called the new number and was surprised to hear a recording.
“Thank you for calling Green Acres Cemetery…”



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To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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8/29/15 9:38 A

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Going to a local theater group to see "Assisted Living" which I have heard is hysterical! Can't wait.
Enjoy your "silly Saturday!"

Phyllis ~~~~
Indiana - Eastern Time


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8/29/15 8:39 A

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Here we are at our last silly Saturday of August, soon we'll be into Sept. Find some laughter in your day.


Bad effects of Alchohol
Saturday, April 14, 2001

An Irish priest, a very good man, was disturbed by the inroads which strong drink was making on his flock. He preached a strong sermon against it.

"What is it," he cried, "that keeps you poor? It's the drink.

What is it that keep your children half-starved? The drink!

What is it that causes you to shoot at your landlords - and miss them? The drink."

Source: CleanJokes.net

Grins & Giggles
Shirl




Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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8/22/15 9:43 A

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I was up early this morning so decided to add a little giggle.

The Christian Barber

There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door."

Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."

Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?"

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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8/22/15 9:40 A

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Only one more silly Saturday left in August and we'll be moving on into Sept. Where did August go. Have a laughed filled day.


Kids Theories of Science...


When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

Source: GCFL

Grins & Giggles
Shirl



Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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8/8/15 10:09 A

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HAHA good one Shirl.


Happy Silly Saturday to all.

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.
At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, “Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don’t you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?”

So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, “Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, “Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, “$2,700.”

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“Easy,” he said $1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Texas.”

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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8/8/15 8:12 A

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Into our second Sat. of Aug. all ready, hope everyone is enjoying their summer as it'll be gone before we know it. Have a laugh filled day.


Two-Cow Philosophy


Political Philosophies Explained in Simple "Two-Cow" Terms

Socialism:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

Communism:
You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

Fascism:
You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

Bureaucracy:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Capitalism:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Corporate:
You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.

Democracy:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.

Source: Daves Daily Chuckle

Grins & Giggles
Shirl




Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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7/25/15 10:57 A

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those are good Shirl! No wonder it is said that the English language is so hard to learn!

My Contribution:

“C’mon Ma you have got to try it” I pleaded to my elderly Mother.
I don’t know how my Mother lasted this long without ever using the internet, but enough was enough! I thought.
“Ok” she said reluctantly settling down by the computer and slowly putting on her reading glasses “what do I do now?”
“Now I’m going to open the home page of google”, I explained. “OK here it is! Now type in ANY question you want into the bar over here and you will find an answer to your question.” I confidently assured her.
My Mother looked at me warily, thought for a second, and slowly began to type, How is Gertrude doing this morning?



Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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7/25/15 8:49 A

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Well we've arrived at our last silly Sat. of July, moving on into August.

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

Source: Surf CCC

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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7/12/15 9:02 A

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A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 9,607
7/11/15 1:36 P

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Wanda got a chuckle out of your post last Sat.

Find some laughter in your day!

Two-Cow Philosophy
Monday, September 10, 2001

Political Philosophies Explained in Simple "Two-Cow" Terms

Socialism:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

Communism:
You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

Fascism:
You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

Bureaucracy:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Capitalism:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Corporate:
You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.

Democracy:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.

Source: Daves Daily Chuckle

Grins & Giggles
Shirl




Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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7/4/15 10:08 A

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Thanks for the giggles Shirl...have a wonderful day today.


From Canadian Jokes to Canadian Sarcasm

AsVancouver was hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, here are some silly questions that were asked by people from all over the world. Believe it or not, these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Web site. Obviously the answers are not to be taken seriously, but the questions were indeed asked and are now another addition to the collection of Canadian jokes!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto. Can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only 4,000 miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

There you have it, pure sarcasm as part of these Canadian jokes.

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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7/4/15 9:23 A

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Happy 4th of July and our first silly Sat. of July.

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
To get to the other tide!

What do you call a parade of German mercenaries?
A Hessian procession!

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!

What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!

What's red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?
A revolutionary warthog!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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6/27/15 10:51 A

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LOL... sounds like my place of work Shirl.

This one is so bad, I just had to share it *grin*

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."

As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is tu eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked. " Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."


Wait for it



Wait for it



"I've seen Cod. I'm a prawn again Christian".



Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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6/27/15 9:45 A

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June is passing by quickly, here we are at the last silly Saturday in this month. Enjoy your day and don't forget to laugh, it's good for the soul.

How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?



1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail
list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light
bulbs and how the light bulb could have been
changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about
changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about
the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness
to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and
to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar,
alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing
light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we
are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts
**are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light
bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs,
what brand of light bulbs work best for this
technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of
different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and
to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that
are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs
relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote
them including all headers and footers, and then
add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing
because they cannot handle the light bulb
controversey.
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion
was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

Giggles & Grins
Shirl


Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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6/20/15 2:09 P

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One more silly Saturday after this one, June is flying by. Find some laughter in your day.

Choose the Right One


A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her."

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/13/15 11:57 A

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Find some laughter in your day.




Birthday Belief Systems

IDEALISM: Happy Birthday.

CAPITALISM: I shopped all day for your birthday.

COMMUNISM: We only celebrate Lenin's birthday.

CORPORATE AMERICA: Happy birthday. You're fired.

AGNOSTICISM: I'm not sure if it's your birthday or not.

ATHEISM: I can't believe it's your birthday.

HINDUISM: Holy Cow! Is it your birthday?

HINDUISM: Ever get that feeling you've been born before?

TAOISM: It's everybody's birthday.

BUDDHISM: If your birthday party was held in the forest and nobody came... would it make a sound?

CATHOLICISM: Sorry, we need candles for votive purposes.

EPISCOPALIANISM: Tasteful birthday to you! Care for some Dry Sack?

LUTHERANISM: I take it on faith it's your birthday. So I don't need to send cards and gifts, right?

EXISTENTIALISM: Your birthday means nothing to me.

FUNDAMENTALISM: But when is your _spiritual_ birthday?

SARCASM: You don't look half bad for someone twice your age.

QUAKERS: I am moved to wish you a peaceful birthday.

UNITARIAN-UNIVERSALISTS: Have any kind of birthday you want.

Source: Joke-a-matic

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/6/15 10:30 A

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Wanda I think Harry is in big trouble, ha, ha.




The Crow and the Rabbit


A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing
all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of
a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.

Source: GCFL

Grins & Giggles
Shirl



Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/30/15 9:32 A

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I love the Optimist! Too funny.,

Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.

Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.

The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps

After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/30/15 8:41 A

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We have arrived at our last silly Saturday of May, that seemed like a quick trip. Enjoy your day and don't forget to laugh.




Optimism
Wednesday, January 9, 2002

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their
looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold.
If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed
to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist,
the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday, their father
loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The
optimist's room, he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him
sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read the all these
instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly
need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the
pessimistic twin.

Passing the optimistic twin's room, the father found him dancing for
joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimistic twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in
here somewhere!"


Source: Friday Funnies

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/24/15 10:01 A

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HAHA... how true Shirl. Thanks for the explanations. *grin*

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

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To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/23/15 10:37 A

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Well we only have one more silly Saturday in May, boy this month went by quick. Find lots of laughter in your day!



Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean?


NEW - Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.


Source: Good Clean Fun Archive


Grins & Giggles
Shirl



Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/16/15 10:31 A

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May 16 Silly Saturday

I was on early this morning so decided to get this one started.

The Beach Our first day at a resort my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?" "Sure," she said, "but I have to finish the rest of the rooms beforehand."

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes
/weatherjokes/summerjokes.html




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To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/9/15 10:11 A

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Happy silly Sat. and a Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there.




MOTHER'S DAY JOKES


A Mother's Dictionary

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/2/15 7:15 A

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Happy May and our first silly Saturday.




Doctors & Mechanics
Friday, April 20, 2001

A woman surgeon was disturbed about the high cost of her car repair.

"This is ridiculous!" she said, "charging me five hundred dollars to grind the valves and put in new piston rings."

"Not really, just think about it. You are a surgeon and should know that an automobile engine is just as complicated as a human body. The mechanic who serviced your car is just as skilled as you are."

"Is that so? Well, let me see him grind valves while the engine is running."

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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4/25/15 9:46 A

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Good one Shirl. Thanks for the giggle this morning.

Philosophy of House cleaning:

I don't do windows because...I love birds and don't want one to fly into a clean window and get hurt.

I don't wax floors because...I'm terrified a guest will slip and get hurt and then I will feel terrible (plus they might sue me)

I don't mind the dust bunnies because...they are very good company, I have named most of them and they agree with everything I say.

I don't disturb cobwebs because...I want every creature to have a home of their own.

I don't spring clean because...I love all the seasons and don't want any to get jealous.

I don't pull weeds in the garden because...I don't want to get in God's way, He is an excellent designer.

I don't put things away because.., my husband will never be able to find them again.

I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because...I don't want my guests to stress over what to make when they invite me over to dinner.

I don't iron because...I choose to believe them when they say "permanent press".

I don't stress much on anything because..."A" type personalities die young and I want to stick around and become and crusty wrinkled old woman!

Hugs,
Wanda

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4/25/15 8:48 A

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Wow, how did we get to our last silly Saturday of April. Hope you have a laugh filled day.




Pull Over!
Thursday, January 10, 2002

"Hey, you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop. The lady complied,
and she was fined seventy-five dollars for not wearing a seatbelt.

She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined
her checkbook, should learn of the incident. Then inspiration struck
and she marked the check stub, "One pullover: $75."

Source: Jokes and Games




Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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4/11/15 12:18 P

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Hi guys! Shirl, no prize that week emoticon

These jokes, etc. are great! I look forward to my Saturdays. I am the world's worst joke teller--ask anyone who knows me! Glad you are excellent jokers!! Heehee!
emoticon
Priscilla

"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
--Thomas Foxwell Buxton


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4/11/15 9:21 A

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Shirl...love the terminology...those are great.

New boss in the building

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."


Juan got Shot

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective.

With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

A golf gun! What the heck is a golf gun?"

"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan."

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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4/11/15 9:10 A

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Make this silly Saturday a day full of laughter!

Priscilla did the riddle win you anything at the store?

Medical terminology
Monday, February 25, 2002

Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter carrier
Protein -- Favoring young people
Rectum -- It almost killed him
Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- Amorous
Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Tibia -- Country in North Africa
Tumor -- An extra pair
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Varicose -- Located nearby
Vein -- Conceited

Source: Aha Jokes

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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3/28/15 1:40 P

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YOU GUYS!!!! OMG! I am still grinning (like a fool--heehee). Shirl--oh my. How risqué!! Loved all of them.
I bet if you both were listening hard you would have heard my laughing in Texas all the way up there.
By the way, one of the riddles is the answer to a contest question at my super market!! I'll have to go back and answer! Maybe I'll win something.
Y'all have a fantastic day.
Priscilla

Edited by: PFERG66 at: 3/28/2015 (13:41)
"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
--Thomas Foxwell Buxton


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3/28/15 9:47 A

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Good ones Shirl...I laughed right out loud at the second one!

Let's see what I can come up with for Easter:

Three fools died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first fool, "What is Easter?" He replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..." "Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second fool the same question, "What is Easter?" The second one replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree,exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second fool, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third fool and asks, "What is Easter?" The third fool smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. "The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. Then he continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out...and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

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3/28/15 7:23 A

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How about some Easter riddles on this last silly Saturday of March. Have a laugh filled day.

What do you call a bunny with a large brain?
An egghead.

What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water?
It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!

So, Easter commemorates when Jesus hid eggs for the disciples to find, and then he turned all the rabbits into chocolate, right?

Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs?
From Eggplants.

What happened to the Easter Bunny when he misbehaved at school?
He was eggspelled!

Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs?
She had to call an eggs-terminator!

Why do we paint Easter eggs?
Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!

What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
Fry-days.

What kind of bunny can’t hop?
A chocolate one!

Why did the Easter egg hide?
He was a little chicken!

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny!

Q: Why was the little girl sad after the race?
A: Because an egg beater!

Q: What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
A: a hot cross bunny

Q: How do bunnies stay healthy?
A: Eggercise

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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3/21/15 11:39 A

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LOVE IT! emoticon emoticon

"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
--Thomas Foxwell Buxton


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3/21/15 10:51 A

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Ha ha Wanda. Thanks for getting us going this morning.

Spring Fever
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.

Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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3/21/15 10:28 A

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March 21...so for some of us Spring has arrived in all it's glory, for some of us...spring ushered in more snow! Time for some sillies to make us all smile.

Short Spring Jokes

Q. When do monkeys fall from the sky?
A. During Ape-ril showers!

Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May!

Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
A: Because they've just finished a long, 31 day March!

Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring-time!

Q: What flowers grow on faces?
A: Tulips (Two-lips)!

Q: Why is the letter A like a flower?
A: A bee (B) comes after it!

Q: When do people start using their trampoline?
A: Spring-Time

Q: What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A: A hot cross bunny

Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
A: Lily!

Q: What does the Easter Bunny order at a Chinese Restaurant?
A: Hop Suey!

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny

Q: What does the Easter Rabbit get for making a basket?
A: Two points just like everybody!

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes
/weatherjokes/springjokes.html


Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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3/15/15 12:14 A

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Those are some good ones, y'all!!

Here's mine for this silly Saturday:

Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral?
A: At the funeral there's one fewer drunk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Donna
Texas

Check out my favorite musician (AKA my son!), Jake Novak, and his band, Ambrosius:
https://www.facebook.com/jakejizzle
https://www.facebook.com/Ambrosius80
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3/14/15 10:00 A

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Shir. thanks for the giggles again this week. In keeping with St. Paddy's day coming up...here are some more.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal. While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, “Johnson, the pole vault,” and was admitted.The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, “McTavish, the hammer.” He was also admitted. The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, “O’Sullivan, fencing.”


‘Have you decided what to buy your missus for Christmas?’ asked McPhee.
‘Sure, she decided it for me,’ answered Kelly. ‘She said she wanted something with diamonds in it. So I’ve bought her a pack of cards!’


The Irishman had been found guilty of murder and sentenced to the electric chair.
‘Have you any last request?’ asked the prison warden.
‘Yes,’ replied the prisoner. ‘Would you hold my hand when I go?

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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3/14/15 7:35 A

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Ha, Donna love your post from last Sat. Well seeing the wearing of the green will be this Tuesday thought I'd go with some Irish humor. Have a great Silly Saturday!



A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a Kerry farmer. The Texan says, “Takes me a whole goddam day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other.”
The Kerry farmer says, “Ah sure, I know, sir. We have tractors like that over here too.”



A Spanish singer chatting on television used the word ‘manana’. When asked what that meant, he said it means “maybe the job will be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that, next week, next month or next year. Who cares?” An Irishman in the conversation, Shay Brennan, was then asked if there’s an Irish equivalent. “No. In Ireland we don’t have a word to describe that level of urgency”





Two Irishmen met and one said to the other, “Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?”
Pat said, “Well, I have and I haven’t.”
His friend asked, “well what d’ye mean by that?”
Pat said, “It’s like this, y’see…I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another…it was neither of us.”

Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent’s hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading.
After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, “Have I got all you say there?”
The agent said, Certainly ye have…Why do you ask?
Murphy replied, cancel the sale, the place sounds grand to me



I’ve got my own recipe for Irish stew: Get some meat, some potatoes and a lot of Guinness Stout. Drink all of the beer. Forget about the stew.

O’Connell was staggering home with a small Paddy in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. “Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood!”


Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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3/8/15 7:32 P

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AAAAAAAY-MEN!!! emoticon

"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
--Thomas Foxwell Buxton


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3/8/15 4:52 P

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My facebook feed is full of friends who are all excited about spring cleaning.
And I'm over here like:


Edited by: THEBLONDEGENIUS at: 3/8/2015 (16:52)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Donna
Texas

Check out my favorite musician (AKA my son!), Jake Novak, and his band, Ambrosius:
https://www.facebook.com/jakejizzle
https://www.facebook.com/Ambrosius80
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3/7/15 11:24 A

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Hahahahaha! Where do you find these? Love 'em!
--Priscilla

"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
--Thomas Foxwell Buxton


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YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 9,607
3/7/15 9:58 A

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Happy 1st silly Saturday of March. 13 more days till spring! Don't forget to set those clocks ahead 1 hr. this weekend.




Working in the garden
Thursday, December 20, 2001

A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife:

"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:

"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter:

"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

Source: Aha

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Shirl



Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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PFERG66's Photo PFERG66 Posts: 2,252
2/28/15 5:42 P

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emoticon Loved 'em! Thanks!
--Priscilla

"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
--Thomas Foxwell Buxton


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MAURIZIA's Photo MAURIZIA Posts: 10,723
2/28/15 5:28 P

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Hahaha...thank you for the guffaws.

.�*�� ) �.�*�) -:�:-
(�.��(� ;.�Maurizia.�*�)♥

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"Love yourself. You are the ultimate act of creation, fashioned by the hands of a Divine Artist." -GRACE card, Cheryl Richardson


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THEBLONDEGENIUS's Photo THEBLONDEGENIUS Posts: 1,513
2/28/15 11:30 A

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Hahahaha! Great jokes!! emoticon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Donna
Texas

Check out my favorite musician (AKA my son!), Jake Novak, and his band, Ambrosius:
https://www.facebook.com/jakejizzle
https://www.facebook.com/Ambrosius80
6


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2/28/15 9:56 A

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giggle, giggle...sounds like he doesn't like his MIL. *grin*

Here is a FIL one to go along side the MIL one:



Father-in-laws


A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents.

After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out more about the young man.

The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks.

"I am a bible scholar" the young man replies.

"A bible scholar, huh", the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice home for my daughter to live in, as she is used to having?"

The young man replies, "I will study and God will provide for us".

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, which she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies and God provide for us", replies the young man.

The conversation proceeds in this manner, which each question the father asks, the young man replies that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did the conversation go?".

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is that he thinks I am God".

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
KSNICKER's Photo KSNICKER Posts: 27,053
2/28/15 9:09 A

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emoticon too funny Shirl...

Edited by: KSNICKER at: 2/28/2015 (09:09)

Kathy

AKA Mermaid

~~~S*P*L*A*S*H~~~


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YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 9,607
2/28/15 9:03 A

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Our last silly Sat. of Feb. Days are getting longer, sun is getting stronger and spring is on it's way, hooray! Have a great Silly Saturday, may your day be filled with laughter.

Mother In Law
Monday, September 24, 2001

Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.


Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to receive 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn’t want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.


Mrs. Mueller is first.


"What do you wish for yourself?"


"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."


"Okay, that shall be granted to you."


Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few blows.


Next it is Mueller’s mother-in-law’s turn.


"What do you wish for yourself?"


"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end and a pillow bound on my back before the lashings."


"Okay, that shall be granted to you."


The mother-in-law receives her fifty lashes, but hardly feels the pain through the pillows.


Then comes Mueller himself.


"What do you wish for yourself?"


"I have two wishes. Do you want to fulfill them for me?"


"Because you are a guest in our country, we want to fulfill your wishes for you, as long as they are reasonable."


"I would like 100 lashes instead of 50."


The executioner is surprised, but recovers again right away and replies, "Yes, that is a pious wish, it shall be granted to you. And what is your second wish?"


"I would like to have my mother-in-law bound to my back."

Source: Laugh of the day

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Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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2/22/15 9:22 A

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ahhh the trivia that we can find on just about anything! Thanks Shirl...I enjoyed reading that.

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You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 9,607
2/21/15 9:30 A

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Can you believe only one more silly Saturday left in Feb. We are getting closer to spring. Have a great silly Saturday.



Alternative Oscars
Wednesday, April 3, 2002

The Windbag Award: To Greer Garson. According to Oscar legend, she spent 90 rambling minutes at the podium after winning Best Actress in 1942 for Mrs. Miniver. But cooler heads say it was closer to seven minutes. Predictably, she began her speech by saying, "I'm practically unprepared."

The Fairy Tale Disaster Award: To Rob Lowe. In perhaps the most embarrassing Oscar opening, the 1988 organizers scripted a song-and-dance routine between Snow White and Lowe, who was introduced as her "blind date." Disney was so distressed that it sued.

The Brevity Is the Soul of Wit Award: To Alfred Hitchcock and Joe Pesci. After winning the Irving Thalberg Memorial Award in 1967 in recognition of his illustrious career, Hitchcock muttered "Thank you," and walked offstage. Twenty-three years later, after winning Best Supporting Actor for his work in Goodfellas, Joe Pesci did the same exact thing.

The Oscar D'Amore Award: To Cuba Gooding Jr., who exclaimed "I love you" 14 times — thanking everyone from God to Tom Cruise — after winning Best Supporting Actor for Jerry Maguire in 1996. Even after the orchestra interrupted him, he continued: "Everybody who was involved in this, I love you! I love you! I love you!"

The Nature Calls Award: To Meryl Streep, who left her just-claimed Oscar for Kramer vs. Kramer on the back of a toilet during the 1979 festivities.

The Au Naturel Award: To actor David Niven. In 1974, a streaker ran behind him as he was announcing the Best Picture award. The nudist flashed a peace sign — not to mention the Full Monty — to a shocked audience. Without missing a beat, Niven said the man would always be remembered "for his shortcomings."

The Silent Oscar Award: To Hal Roach, who received a special honor in 1991 for bringing Laurel & Hardy and many other classics to the big screen. Billy Crystal introduced him, and the audience gave him a booming ovation. But when everyone sat down, Roach, a centenarian, began speaking without a mike. The audience and TV viewers just stared for several moments, unable to hear him. Crystal quipped, "I think that's fitting since Mr. Roach started in silent film." It was Roach's last public appearance. He died six months later.

The Oscar Mayer Weiner Award: To Jack Palance, for dropping to the stage floor and doing one-armed pushups to celebrate his Best Supporting Actor award for City Slickers.

The Where Am I Now? Award: To Alice Brady, who won a Best Supporting Actress award for In Old Chicago in 1937. Brady wasn't present, but a man walked up and accepted the award on her behalf. After the show, neither he nor the Oscar was ever seen again.

The Get This Over With Award: To Sir Laurence Olivier. In 1985, the 78-year-old Shakespearean forgot to name the Best Picture nominees. He simply opened the envelope and proclaimed, "Amadeus!
"
Source: The Wolf Files

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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2/14/15 8:21 P

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Mauri and Wanda good ones, got me to giggle.

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


 current weight: 174.0 
 
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