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2/6/16 11:44 A

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(still giggling) Thanks Nancy Jane and Shirl for the morning giggles.

Some Positive Humor quotes I came across that made me smile:

Finding love is like finding shoes ….People look for Good Looking ,Smart Ones …But somehow they end up with ones they feel comfortable with .

LIFE INSURANCE :
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

NURSE :
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

MARRIAGE :
It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..

TEAR :
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power.

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours,365 days,right from your birth until you fall in love .



Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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NJMATTICE's Photo NJMATTICE Posts: 2,431
2/6/16 11:31 A

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In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
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Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a policeman approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

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Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.



That is my participation in a daily challenge requirement emoticon

~Nancy~



You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are. -Fred Rogers


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YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 9,869
2/6/16 10:11 A

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Seeing we just celebrated Ground Hog Day, thought some Ground Hog humor might be appropriate for our first silly Sat. in Feb. Enjoy your day, may it be laughter filled. Oh nuts, it didn't copy so will go retrieve it and re-post here, lol.

Yeah! It worked this time.

Q: What would you get if you crossed Groundhog Day with a puppy?
A: Ground-dog Day!

Q: What happened when the groundhog met the dogcatcher?
A: He became a pound hog!

Q: What happens if the ground log sees its shadow?
A: We'll have six more weeks of splinters!

Q: Why was the groundhog depressed about his den?
A: He was having a bad lair day!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Groundhog Day with a Christmas drink?
A: Ground Nog Day!

Q: Where do sick groundhogs go?
A: To the hogpital

Q: What do you call a groundhog adopted from the Humane Society?
A: A poundhog

Q: What do you call a groundhog who eats too much?
A: A roundhog!

Q: Why was the groundhog depressed about his den?
A: He was having a bad lair day!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Groundhog Day with a Christmas drink?
A: Ground Nog Day!

Q: Where do sick groundhogs go?
A: To the hogpital

Q: What do you call a groundhog adopted from the Humane Society?
A: A poundhog

Q: What do you call a groundhog who eats too much?
A: A roundhog







Edited by: YOYONOMORE1 at: 2/6/2016 (10:17)
Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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1/30/16 10:52 A

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Jan 30 Silly Saturday

Brian, one of the worlds greatest hypochondriacs, bumped into his Dr. one day at the supermarket. “Doc!” Brian exclaimed, “I’ve been meaning to tell you, remember those voices I kept on hearing in my head? I haven’t heard them in over a week!” “Wow! What wonderful news Brian! I’m so happy for you!” his Dr. exclaimed. “Wonderful?” asked a dismal looking Brian. “There’s nothing wonderful about it. I’m afraid my hearing is starting to go now!


An Old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg. “I am afraid it’s just old age”, replied the doctor, “there is nothing we can do about it.” “That can’t be” fumed the old man, “you don’t know what you are doing.” “How can you possibly know I am wrong?” countered the doctor. “Well it’s quite obvious,” the old man replied, “my other leg is fine, and it’s the exact same age!”


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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 9,869
1/23/16 12:05 P

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Only one more Sat. left in this month. Hope Jan. is a good month for you.




Things You Did Not Know


A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A snail can sleep for three years.

All polar bears are left handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about 10.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear any pants.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Leonardo da Vinci invented the scissors.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

No word in the English language rhymes with month.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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1/16/16 10:24 A

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Wanda thanks for getting us going this morning, that gave me a giggle.


Short Winter Jokes

Q: What do you get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids!

Q: What's an ig?
A: A snow house without a loo!

Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

Q: Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
A: Because he thought his wife was a flake

Q: Getting a job in the Arctic in the winter is great! Why?
A: When the days get short, you only have to work a 30 minute work week.

Q: Why do seals swim in salt water?
A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

Q: Where can you find an ocean without any water?
A: On a map!

Q: What eight letters can you find in water from the Arctic Ocean?
A: H to O! (H20)

Q: What do you call a gangsta snowman?
A: Froze-T

Q: Which side of an Arctic Tern has the most feathers?
A: The outside!

Q: What vegetable was forbidden on the ships of Arctic explorers?
A: Leeks!

Q: What did Amaruq say after building an igloo out of crystal clear ice?
A: "Living in a transparent igloo has its disadvantages - but you should see the murres smack it!"

Q: Why didn't the tourist in the Arctic get any sleep?
A: He plugged his electric blanket into the toaster by mistake - and kept popping out of bed all night!

Q: What happened when all the muskox wool that was collected was stolen?
A: The police combed the area.

Q: If the sun shines while it's snowing, what should you look for?
A: Snowbows.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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1/16/16 9:18 A

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Up early so thought I would get Silly Saturday off to a start....

Job Interview:

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"

The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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1/10/16 9:35 A

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Thoughts About Winter

It was so cold ... we had to chop up the piano for firewood -- but we only got two chords.

What kind of coffee were they serving when the Titanic hit an iceberg? Sanka.

What do you call 10 Arctic hares hopping backward through the snow together? A receding hare line.

What vegetable was forbidden on the ships of Arctic explorers? Leeks.

What do snow kids have for breakfast? Ice Krispies.

What happened when the snowgirl had an argument with the snowboy? She gave him the cold shoulder.

What's an ig? A snow house without a loo.

What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.

And more really important questions

What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps

What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark? Frost bite

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a baker? Frosty the dough man.



Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 9,869
1/9/16 10:15 A

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January is slipping by quickly, thought I'd do a little winter humor today. Each day that goes by gets us closer to spring emoticon


snowman


Wearing white is always in style - even after Labor Day.

Getting outside in the winter is good for your health.

It's fun just to hang out in your front yard.

We're all made up of mostly water.

Accessories don't have to be expensive.

Don't get too much sun!

If you're a little bottom heavy - hey, that's okay!

You know you've made it when they write a song about you.

If you look down and can't see your feet - you're probably not very active.

Sometimes sweating too much can have disastrous results.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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1/2/16 11:22 A

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That is so funny Shirl...and unfortunately also very true for some of us! Thanks for the giggle as well as the reminder of why we are on this journey.

New Year's Day Prayer for One and All

Dear Lord

So far this year I've done well.

I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.

Amen

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 9,869
1/2/16 10:54 A

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Well here we are at our first silly Sat. for 2016, I hope it's a good year for all of us. Don't forget to find some laughter in each day.

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste,
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.

I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick,
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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12/19/15 11:13 A

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Well we are down to one more Sat. in Dec. thought I'd throw in some Christmas Humor. Wanda I liked the two you posted. I thought this one was cute.


The Week Before Christmas




Twas the week before Christmas and all through the school Not a pupil was silent, no matter what rule. The children were busy with paper and paste; The mess that they made with it couldn't be faced.

The teacher half frantic and almost in tears, Had just settled down to work with her dears, When out in the hall there arose such a clatter up sprang the kids to see what was the matter!

Away to the door they all flew like a flash; The one who was leading went down with a crash. Then what to their wondering eyes did appear But a green Christmas tree! (To decorate I fear!)

When the teacher saw this, she almost grew sick. She knew in a moment it must be (the janitor) Old Nick! She ran to the door (all her efforts were vain) But she shouted, and stamped, and she called them by name;

"Now Tommy! Now Sandy, Now Judy and Harry! Stop Billy! Stop Robert! Stop Donny and Sherry! Now get to your places get away from the hall Now get away! Get away! Get away all!

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly The pupils, pell mell, started scurrying by. They ran to the blackboard and skipped down the aisle; Their faces were shining and each had a smile.

First came a basket of popcorn to string -Then came the Christmas tree (menacing thing). As the tree was brought in there arose a great shout; The pupils were merrily romping about.

The state they were in could lead to a riot; The teacher was sure, if allowed, they would try it. Her nerves how they jangled! Her temples were throbbing! The rush of her breath sounded almost like sobbing!

The lines of her face were as fixed as a mask; It was plain that she didn't feel up to her task. The look in her eye would have tamed a wild steer, But the children ignored it; they did every year.

A tear from her eye and a shake of her head Soon led me to think that she wished she were dead. She spoke not a word but went straight to her work, Strung all the popcorn which broke with a jerk.

But at last it was finished and placed on the tree; Then came the bell and the children were free! Their shrill little voices soon faded away And peace was restored at the end of the day. As she looked at the Christmas tree glistening and tall, She smiled as she whispered, Merry Christmas to all!


Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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11/28/15 9:46 A

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Nov 28 Silly Saturday

Did you know that according to the song, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", Santa has twelve reindeer? Sure, in the introduction it goes "There's Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen..." That makes eight reindeer. Then there's Rudolph, of course, so that makes nine. Then there's Olive. You know, "Olive the other reindeer used to laugh..." That makes ten. The eleventh is Howe. You know, "Then Howe the reindeer loved him..." Eleven reindeer. Oh, and number 12? That's Andy! "Andy shouted out with glee." The proof is in the song!
Originally Contributed by: unknown...We were reminded about Andy by Paul Grupe!

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11/21/15 10:15 A

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Nov 21 Silly Saturday

The Moth


A man wandered into a doctor's consulting rooms and asked if could see the doctor. The receptionist was hesitant to let him in, especially as it was Christmas Eve and she was waiting to turn off the Christmas lights in the waiting room and go home; but he was very insistent. So the Doctor, having had completed all his consultations for the day and feeling in a 'good will to men' mood, agreed to see him.

The man entered in a rather aimless manner and after some hesitation flopped into a chair and looked nervously around the room.

"How can I help you?" said the doctor.

"Well, it's like this" said the man. "I keep thinking I'm a moth".

"A moth?"

"Yes" the man replied. "I'm convinced that I'm a moth".

"Well I'm very sorry, but you're in the wrong place. What you need is a psychiatrist".

"That's what I've been thinking" replied the man .

"Well, as it happens, I know just the man". said the doctor "I'll give him a call and see if he can fix an appointment for you after the holiday."

The man agreed and the doctor made the appointment.

"Tell me" said the doctor "It must have been very apparent from the sign outside that I'm a general practitioner. So if you already know you need to see a psychiatrist, why did you come in?"

"Well" the man said in a resigned voice "The door was open and the lights were on .....".

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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11/15/15 8:33 A

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*grin*...that would teach the butcher for trying to outsmart the customer Shirl!

Canadian Beer Funny Canadian Jokes

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Arnie stops him and asks, 'Hey Bill, whatcha got that case of beer for?'

'Well, I got it for my wife, you see?' answers Bill.

'Wow!' exclaims Arnie, 'Great trade.'

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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11/14/15 11:12 A

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November is flying by! Almost turkey time for us here in the USA. Hope you have a day with laughter in it.

The Man Who Forgot to Buy a Turkey for Thanksgiving

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.

'Please let me in, 'says the man desperately. 'I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one.'

'Okay, 'says the butcher.' Let me see what I have left.' He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's one last scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

'That's one is too skinny. What else you got?' says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

'Oh, no, 'says the man, 'That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!'

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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11/7/15 10:32 A

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Here we are at our first silly Saturday of Nov. I hope you have a joy filled day.




Insurance Claim


(Straight from the Virginia State Police, Insurance Fraud Division, Dinwiddie County)

A Charlotte, North Carolina man having purchased a box of very rare, very expensive cigars insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay,

citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued and won.

In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed that the claim was frivolous. He stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000.00 for the rare cigars he had lost in the "fires."

After the man cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on twenty-four counts of ARSON. With his own insurance claim and testimony for the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to twenty-four months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.

Source: Emmitsburg.net

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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10/31/15 8:21 A

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Oct 31 Silly Saturday.

Time for some Halloween fun.

Tall Tale from Vienna Graveyard

Chris Cross, a tourist in Vienna, is going passed Vienna's Zentralfriedhof graveyard on October 31st. All of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. Chris finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades Tim Burr, a friend, to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"

Happy Halloween

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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10/25/15 9:53 A

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I'll join you in the "sillies" Shirl.

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

Have you seen Quasimodo?
I have a hunch he's back!

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
He turns into a bat every night.

How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.

How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
"Don't spook until you're spooken to."

What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?
I'm bone to be wild.

What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Boo-ties

What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid.

What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.

What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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10/24/15 10:48 A

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Wanda loved your post from last Sat. Halloween is a week from today so thought maybe we should get some Halloween humor going.

Funny, Clean Halloween Jokes

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests
!
Why did Dracula's mother give him cough medicine?
Because he was having a coffin fit.

What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put a goldfish brain in the body of his dog?
I don't know, but it is great at chasing submarines.

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?'
Cos everyone was a goblin.

Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
It was a stake sandwich.

Dracula decided he need a dog, which breed did he choose?
A bloodhound.

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.

What do skeletons always order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs!

Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart.

Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


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10/17/15 10:12 A

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Good morning and happy fall day!

Mexican Bungie

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the
second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own
bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their
money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord,
insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and began to set up on the square. As they
are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly,
more and more people gather to watch them at work. Once they
complete the tower, and announcement is made in Spanish and
the first guy jumps.

He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up,
the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able to catch him, he falls
again, bounces, and comes back up again.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again,the second guy misses
him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time,
he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones
and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches
him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the hell
is a pinata?"

Positive Bloggers

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To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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Only one more Sat. left in Oct., that doesn't seem possible, but it is. Hope you can find some laughter in your day.

Proverbs

As any experienced conversationalist can tell you, ambiguity is the key to winning any argument. Following are a few popular proverbs and counter-proverbs that will allow you to turn a conversation in any direction you want. Who can argue with the wit and wisdom of our fore fathers, or even our five fathers?

Actions speak louder than words.
The pen is mightier than the sword.

Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.

Many hands make light work.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.

Clothes make the man.
Don't judge a book by its cover.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Better safe than sorry.

The bigger, the better.
The best things come in small packages.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Out of sight, out of mind.

What will be, will be.
Life is what you make it.

Cross your bridges when you come to them.
Forewarned is forearmed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
One man's meat is another man's poison.

With age comes wisdom.
Out of the mouths of babes come all wise sayings.

The more, the merrier.
Two's company; three's a crowd.

Source: GCFL

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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10/11/15 9:55 A

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Wanda thanks for posting silly Saturday for me while I was away. That was cute.

Hugs,
Shirl

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10/10/15 10:26 A

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Oct 10 Silly Saturday
A Piece of Pumpkin Pie?Pumpkin Thanksgiving jokes

Jolene was only 8 years old and lived with family in the country with her parents and brother. Consequently they did not often have visitors from the city. One day Jolene's mother said that father was bringing two guests home for Thanksgiving supper.

After they had enjoyed the turkey, Jolene went to the kitchen to help her mother, and proudly brought in the first piece of pumpkin pie and gave it to her father. He then passed the plate to a guest. When Jolene came in with the second piece and gave it to his father, he again gave it to a guest.

This was too much for Little Jolene, who blurted out, 'It's no use, Daddy. The pieces are all the same size.'

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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10/4/15 9:30 A

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Happy Silly Saturday!

Two blondes are in a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first woman.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the game warden.

"But officer," replied the second girl, "we aren't fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The game warden lifted up the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," shrugged the game warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the game warden left.

As soon as he was out of sight, the women started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop! Doesn't he know that there are steelheads in this river?!"

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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10/3/15 10:13 A

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Oh Wanda your post from last Sat. gave me a giggle. Now we're at our first silly Sat. of Oct. Hope you can find lots of laughter in your day.

Out of the mouths of babes


A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

Better To Be Safe Than. .. Punch A 5th Grader.

Strike While The... Bug Is Close.

It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.

Never Under Estimate The Power Of.. Termites.

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But.. How?

Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.

No News Is... Impossible.

A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.

You Cant Teach An Old Dog New... Math.

If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning.

Love All, Trust... Me!

The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.

An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.

Where There's Smoke, There is... Pollution.

Happy The Bride Who... Gets All The Presents!

A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.

Two's Company, Three's... The Musketeers.

Don't Put Off Tomorrow What... You Put On To Go To Bed.

Laugh & The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry & You Have To Blow Your Nose.

None Are So Blind As... Helen Keller.

Children Should Be Seen And Not... Spanked Or Grounded.

If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.

You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.

When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way.

There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Eddie.

Source: SurfCCC

Grins & Giggles
Shirl



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9/26/15 9:40 A

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Sept 26 Silly Saturday, our last one for September!

Kids!

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees
about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed
the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's
whisper, "Hello?"

Feeling a bit put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a
youngster, the boss asked, "Is your daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy
there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left
home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with
the person who should be there watching over the child.

"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he is busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman," came the whispered
answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team
just landed the hello-copper!"

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss
asked, "The search team?! Why are they there?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled
giggle, "They are looking for me!"

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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9/19/15 8:48 A

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Well we only have one more silly Saturday left for Sept. Seeing Wed., Sept. 23, is the first day of Autumn thought we needed some fall humor. Hope you can find a chuckle in here somewhere.


Short Fall Jokes

Q: What did the tree say to autumn?
A: leaf me alone.

Q: What did one autumn leaf say to another?
A: I'm falling for you.

Q: Why did summer catch autumn?
A: Because autumn is fall.

Q: Why do the Boston Red Sox fans love autumn?
A: Because watching the leaves fall reminds them of the (Yankees).

Q: How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch

Q: What falls in autumn?
A: Leaves!

Q: What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi

Q: What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking?
A: A pumpkin patch!

Q: How does an Elephant get out of a tree?
A: Sits on a leaf and waits till Autumn!

Q: What will fall on the lawn first?
Q: An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue?

Q: What is a tree's least favorite month?
A: Sep-timber!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl



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Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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9/12/15 2:15 P

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Wanda thanks for getting us started on silly Saturday. Your post is especially funny to me as "Darling" is my maiden name, now how funny is that, ha, ha.

Just trying to help


It can buy a House But not a Home

It can buy a Bed But not Sleep

It can buy a Clock But not Time

It can buy you a Book But not Knowledge

It can buy you a Position But not Respect

It can buy you Medicine But not Health

It can buy you Blood But not Life

So you see money isn’t everything. And it often causes pain and suffering.

I tell you this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.

So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. Cash only please.

Source: Laugh of the day

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Shirl



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9/12/15 9:16 A

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Sept 12 Silly Saturday

(I was up early Shirl *grin*)


NEW EMPLOYEE
the manager of a large office asked a new employee to come into his office. "What is your name?," was the first thing the manager asked.
"John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled. "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority," he said. "I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling." The manager said, "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you..."




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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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9/5/15 10:45 A

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Here we are at our first silly Sat. in Sept. and before you know it we'll be at our last. Have a laughed filled day.




Act of Generosity
Friday, May 11, 2001

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum."

"You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That's a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said, "Thanks."

Grins & Giggles
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8/29/15 9:57 A

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It's hard to believe that we are at the end of August already!

Telemarketer Joke:

Listen a job is a job, we all need to find away to put bread on the table don’t we? To make a long story short I’m a telemarketer that’s my job and that’s what I do. It’s not a job everyone appreciates, but it’s a job I enjoy and am proud of.

The other day I called a house and a real nice lady answered the phone, she was really helpful and friendly, she was the type of lady that helps a telemarketer get through a long day.

After some pleasantries I asked if Mr. Smith was in, “I’m sorry”, she answered “I’m afraid he doesn’t live here anymore.” Now that was a real disappointment being that she was a nice lady and all, but I took it all in a stride, “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Do you happen to have his new number.”

“Sure thing!” The woman cheerfully replied, listing off his new number. I hung up the phone and quickly called the new number and was surprised to hear a recording.
“Thank you for calling Green Acres Cemetery…”



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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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8/29/15 9:38 A

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Going to a local theater group to see "Assisted Living" which I have heard is hysterical! Can't wait.
Enjoy your "silly Saturday!"

Phyllis ~~~~
Every day is a new ADVENTURE!
Indiana - Eastern Time


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8/29/15 8:39 A

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Here we are at our last silly Saturday of August, soon we'll be into Sept. Find some laughter in your day.


Bad effects of Alchohol
Saturday, April 14, 2001

An Irish priest, a very good man, was disturbed by the inroads which strong drink was making on his flock. He preached a strong sermon against it.

"What is it," he cried, "that keeps you poor? It's the drink.

What is it that keep your children half-starved? The drink!

What is it that causes you to shoot at your landlords - and miss them? The drink."

Source: CleanJokes.net

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Shirl




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8/22/15 9:43 A

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I was up early this morning so decided to add a little giggle.

The Christian Barber

There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door."

Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."

Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?"

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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8/22/15 9:40 A

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Only one more silly Saturday left in August and we'll be moving on into Sept. Where did August go. Have a laughed filled day.


Kids Theories of Science...


When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

Source: GCFL

Grins & Giggles
Shirl



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8/8/15 10:09 A

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HAHA good one Shirl.


Happy Silly Saturday to all.

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.
At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, “Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don’t you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?”

So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, “Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, “Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, “$2,700.”

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“Easy,” he said $1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Texas.”

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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8/8/15 8:12 A

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Into our second Sat. of Aug. all ready, hope everyone is enjoying their summer as it'll be gone before we know it. Have a laugh filled day.


Two-Cow Philosophy


Political Philosophies Explained in Simple "Two-Cow" Terms

Socialism:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

Communism:
You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

Fascism:
You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

Bureaucracy:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Capitalism:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Corporate:
You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.

Democracy:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.

Source: Daves Daily Chuckle

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7/25/15 10:57 A

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those are good Shirl! No wonder it is said that the English language is so hard to learn!

My Contribution:

“C’mon Ma you have got to try it” I pleaded to my elderly Mother.
I don’t know how my Mother lasted this long without ever using the internet, but enough was enough! I thought.
“Ok” she said reluctantly settling down by the computer and slowly putting on her reading glasses “what do I do now?”
“Now I’m going to open the home page of google”, I explained. “OK here it is! Now type in ANY question you want into the bar over here and you will find an answer to your question.” I confidently assured her.
My Mother looked at me warily, thought for a second, and slowly began to type, How is Gertrude doing this morning?



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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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Well we've arrived at our last silly Sat. of July, moving on into August.

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

Source: Surf CCC

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Shirl

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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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7/12/15 9:02 A

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A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

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To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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7/11/15 1:36 P

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Wanda got a chuckle out of your post last Sat.

Find some laughter in your day!

Two-Cow Philosophy
Monday, September 10, 2001

Political Philosophies Explained in Simple "Two-Cow" Terms

Socialism:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

Communism:
You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

Fascism:
You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

Bureaucracy:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Capitalism:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Corporate:
You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.

Democracy:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.

Source: Daves Daily Chuckle

Grins & Giggles
Shirl




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7/4/15 10:08 A

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Thanks for the giggles Shirl...have a wonderful day today.


From Canadian Jokes to Canadian Sarcasm

AsVancouver was hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, here are some silly questions that were asked by people from all over the world. Believe it or not, these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Web site. Obviously the answers are not to be taken seriously, but the questions were indeed asked and are now another addition to the collection of Canadian jokes!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto. Can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only 4,000 miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

There you have it, pure sarcasm as part of these Canadian jokes.

Positive Bloggers

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To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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7/4/15 9:23 A

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Happy 4th of July and our first silly Sat. of July.

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
To get to the other tide!

What do you call a parade of German mercenaries?
A Hessian procession!

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!

What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!

What's red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?
A revolutionary warthog!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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6/27/15 10:51 A

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LOL... sounds like my place of work Shirl.

This one is so bad, I just had to share it *grin*

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."

As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is tu eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked. " Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."


Wait for it



Wait for it



"I've seen Cod. I'm a prawn again Christian".



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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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6/27/15 9:45 A

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June is passing by quickly, here we are at the last silly Saturday in this month. Enjoy your day and don't forget to laugh, it's good for the soul.

How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?



1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail
list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light
bulbs and how the light bulb could have been
changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about
changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about
the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness
to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and
to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar,
alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing
light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we
are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts
**are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light
bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs,
what brand of light bulbs work best for this
technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of
different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and
to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that
are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs
relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote
them including all headers and footers, and then
add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing
because they cannot handle the light bulb
controversey.
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion
was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

Giggles & Grins
Shirl


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6/20/15 2:09 P

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One more silly Saturday after this one, June is flying by. Find some laughter in your day.

Choose the Right One


A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her."

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/13/15 11:57 A

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Find some laughter in your day.




Birthday Belief Systems

IDEALISM: Happy Birthday.

CAPITALISM: I shopped all day for your birthday.

COMMUNISM: We only celebrate Lenin's birthday.

CORPORATE AMERICA: Happy birthday. You're fired.

AGNOSTICISM: I'm not sure if it's your birthday or not.

ATHEISM: I can't believe it's your birthday.

HINDUISM: Holy Cow! Is it your birthday?

HINDUISM: Ever get that feeling you've been born before?

TAOISM: It's everybody's birthday.

BUDDHISM: If your birthday party was held in the forest and nobody came... would it make a sound?

CATHOLICISM: Sorry, we need candles for votive purposes.

EPISCOPALIANISM: Tasteful birthday to you! Care for some Dry Sack?

LUTHERANISM: I take it on faith it's your birthday. So I don't need to send cards and gifts, right?

EXISTENTIALISM: Your birthday means nothing to me.

FUNDAMENTALISM: But when is your _spiritual_ birthday?

SARCASM: You don't look half bad for someone twice your age.

QUAKERS: I am moved to wish you a peaceful birthday.

UNITARIAN-UNIVERSALISTS: Have any kind of birthday you want.

Source: Joke-a-matic

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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6/6/15 10:30 A

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Wanda I think Harry is in big trouble, ha, ha.




The Crow and the Rabbit


A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing
all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of
a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.

Source: GCFL

Grins & Giggles
Shirl



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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/30/15 9:32 A

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I love the Optimist! Too funny.,

Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.

Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.

The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps

After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/30/15 8:41 A

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We have arrived at our last silly Saturday of May, that seemed like a quick trip. Enjoy your day and don't forget to laugh.




Optimism
Wednesday, January 9, 2002

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their
looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold.
If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed
to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist,
the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday, their father
loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The
optimist's room, he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him
sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read the all these
instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly
need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the
pessimistic twin.

Passing the optimistic twin's room, the father found him dancing for
joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimistic twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in
here somewhere!"


Source: Friday Funnies

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/24/15 10:01 A

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HAHA... how true Shirl. Thanks for the explanations. *grin*

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/23/15 10:37 A

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Well we only have one more silly Saturday in May, boy this month went by quick. Find lots of laughter in your day!



Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean?


NEW - Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.


Source: Good Clean Fun Archive


Grins & Giggles
Shirl



Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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5/16/15 10:31 A

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May 16 Silly Saturday

I was on early this morning so decided to get this one started.

The Beach Our first day at a resort my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?" "Sure," she said, "but I have to finish the rest of the rooms beforehand."

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes
/weatherjokes/summerjokes.html




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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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5/9/15 10:11 A

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Happy silly Sat. and a Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there.




MOTHER'S DAY JOKES


A Mother's Dictionary

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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5/2/15 7:15 A

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Happy May and our first silly Saturday.




Doctors & Mechanics
Friday, April 20, 2001

A woman surgeon was disturbed about the high cost of her car repair.

"This is ridiculous!" she said, "charging me five hundred dollars to grind the valves and put in new piston rings."

"Not really, just think about it. You are a surgeon and should know that an automobile engine is just as complicated as a human body. The mechanic who serviced your car is just as skilled as you are."

"Is that so? Well, let me see him grind valves while the engine is running."

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


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4/25/15 9:46 A

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Good one Shirl. Thanks for the giggle this morning.

Philosophy of House cleaning:

I don't do windows because...I love birds and don't want one to fly into a clean window and get hurt.

I don't wax floors because...I'm terrified a guest will slip and get hurt and then I will feel terrible (plus they might sue me)

I don't mind the dust bunnies because...they are very good company, I have named most of them and they agree with everything I say.

I don't disturb cobwebs because...I want every creature to have a home of their own.

I don't spring clean because...I love all the seasons and don't want any to get jealous.

I don't pull weeds in the garden because...I don't want to get in God's way, He is an excellent designer.

I don't put things away because.., my husband will never be able to find them again.

I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because...I don't want my guests to stress over what to make when they invite me over to dinner.

I don't iron because...I choose to believe them when they say "permanent press".

I don't stress much on anything because..."A" type personalities die young and I want to stick around and become and crusty wrinkled old woman!

Hugs,
Wanda

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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4/25/15 8:48 A

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Wow, how did we get to our last silly Saturday of April. Hope you have a laugh filled day.




Pull Over!
Thursday, January 10, 2002

"Hey, you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop. The lady complied,
and she was fined seventy-five dollars for not wearing a seatbelt.

She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined
her checkbook, should learn of the incident. Then inspiration struck
and she marked the check stub, "One pullover: $75."

Source: Jokes and Games




Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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4/11/15 12:18 P

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Hi guys! Shirl, no prize that week emoticon

These jokes, etc. are great! I look forward to my Saturdays. I am the world's worst joke teller--ask anyone who knows me! Glad you are excellent jokers!! Heehee!
emoticon
Priscilla

"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
--Thomas Foxwell Buxton


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Shirl...love the terminology...those are great.

New boss in the building

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."


Juan got Shot

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective.

With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

A golf gun! What the heck is a golf gun?"

"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan."

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4/11/15 9:10 A

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Make this silly Saturday a day full of laughter!

Priscilla did the riddle win you anything at the store?

Medical terminology
Monday, February 25, 2002

Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter carrier
Protein -- Favoring young people
Rectum -- It almost killed him
Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- Amorous
Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Tibia -- Country in North Africa
Tumor -- An extra pair
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Varicose -- Located nearby
Vein -- Conceited

Source: Aha Jokes

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Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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3/28/15 1:40 P

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YOU GUYS!!!! OMG! I am still grinning (like a fool--heehee). Shirl--oh my. How risqué!! Loved all of them.
I bet if you both were listening hard you would have heard my laughing in Texas all the way up there.
By the way, one of the riddles is the answer to a contest question at my super market!! I'll have to go back and answer! Maybe I'll win something.
Y'all have a fantastic day.
Priscilla

Edited by: PFERG66 at: 3/28/2015 (13:41)
"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
--Thomas Foxwell Buxton


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3/28/15 9:47 A

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Good ones Shirl...I laughed right out loud at the second one!

Let's see what I can come up with for Easter:

Three fools died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first fool, "What is Easter?" He replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..." "Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second fool the same question, "What is Easter?" The second one replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree,exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second fool, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third fool and asks, "What is Easter?" The third fool smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. "The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. Then he continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out...and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

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3/28/15 7:23 A

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How about some Easter riddles on this last silly Saturday of March. Have a laugh filled day.

What do you call a bunny with a large brain?
An egghead.

What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water?
It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!

So, Easter commemorates when Jesus hid eggs for the disciples to find, and then he turned all the rabbits into chocolate, right?

Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs?
From Eggplants.

What happened to the Easter Bunny when he misbehaved at school?
He was eggspelled!

Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs?
She had to call an eggs-terminator!

Why do we paint Easter eggs?
Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!

What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
Fry-days.

What kind of bunny can’t hop?
A chocolate one!

Why did the Easter egg hide?
He was a little chicken!

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny!

Q: Why was the little girl sad after the race?
A: Because an egg beater!

Q: What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
A: a hot cross bunny

Q: How do bunnies stay healthy?
A: Eggercise

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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3/21/15 11:39 A

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LOVE IT! emoticon emoticon

"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
--Thomas Foxwell Buxton


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3/21/15 10:51 A

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Ha ha Wanda. Thanks for getting us going this morning.

Spring Fever
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.

Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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3/21/15 10:28 A

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March 21...so for some of us Spring has arrived in all it's glory, for some of us...spring ushered in more snow! Time for some sillies to make us all smile.

Short Spring Jokes

Q. When do monkeys fall from the sky?
A. During Ape-ril showers!

Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May!

Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
A: Because they've just finished a long, 31 day March!

Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring-time!

Q: What flowers grow on faces?
A: Tulips (Two-lips)!

Q: Why is the letter A like a flower?
A: A bee (B) comes after it!

Q: When do people start using their trampoline?
A: Spring-Time

Q: What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A: A hot cross bunny

Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
A: Lily!

Q: What does the Easter Bunny order at a Chinese Restaurant?
A: Hop Suey!

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny

Q: What does the Easter Rabbit get for making a basket?
A: Two points just like everybody!

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes
/weatherjokes/springjokes.html


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THEBLONDEGENIUS's Photo THEBLONDEGENIUS Posts: 1,859
3/15/15 12:14 A

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Those are some good ones, y'all!!

Here's mine for this silly Saturday:

Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral?
A: At the funeral there's one fewer drunk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Donna
Texas

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https://www.facebook.com/Ambrosius80
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Shir. thanks for the giggles again this week. In keeping with St. Paddy's day coming up...here are some more.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal. While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, “Johnson, the pole vault,” and was admitted.The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, “McTavish, the hammer.” He was also admitted. The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, “O’Sullivan, fencing.”


‘Have you decided what to buy your missus for Christmas?’ asked McPhee.
‘Sure, she decided it for me,’ answered Kelly. ‘She said she wanted something with diamonds in it. So I’ve bought her a pack of cards!’


The Irishman had been found guilty of murder and sentenced to the electric chair.
‘Have you any last request?’ asked the prison warden.
‘Yes,’ replied the prisoner. ‘Would you hold my hand when I go?

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YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 9,869
3/14/15 7:35 A

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Ha, Donna love your post from last Sat. Well seeing the wearing of the green will be this Tuesday thought I'd go with some Irish humor. Have a great Silly Saturday!



A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a Kerry farmer. The Texan says, “Takes me a whole goddam day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other.”
The Kerry farmer says, “Ah sure, I know, sir. We have tractors like that over here too.”



A Spanish singer chatting on television used the word ‘manana’. When asked what that meant, he said it means “maybe the job will be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that, next week, next month or next year. Who cares?” An Irishman in the conversation, Shay Brennan, was then asked if there’s an Irish equivalent. “No. In Ireland we don’t have a word to describe that level of urgency”





Two Irishmen met and one said to the other, “Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?”
Pat said, “Well, I have and I haven’t.”
His friend asked, “well what d’ye mean by that?”
Pat said, “It’s like this, y’see…I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another…it was neither of us.”

Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent’s hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading.
After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, “Have I got all you say there?”
The agent said, Certainly ye have…Why do you ask?
Murphy replied, cancel the sale, the place sounds grand to me



I’ve got my own recipe for Irish stew: Get some meat, some potatoes and a lot of Guinness Stout. Drink all of the beer. Forget about the stew.

O’Connell was staggering home with a small Paddy in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. “Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood!”


Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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3/8/15 7:32 P

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AAAAAAAY-MEN!!! emoticon

"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
--Thomas Foxwell Buxton


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3/8/15 4:52 P

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My facebook feed is full of friends who are all excited about spring cleaning.
And I'm over here like:


Edited by: THEBLONDEGENIUS at: 3/8/2015 (16:52)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Donna
Texas

Check out my favorite musician (AKA my son!), Jake Novak, and his band, Ambrosius:
https://www.facebook.com/jakejizzle
https://www.facebook.com/Ambrosius80
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3/7/15 11:24 A

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Hahahahaha! Where do you find these? Love 'em!
--Priscilla

"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
--Thomas Foxwell Buxton


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3/7/15 9:58 A

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Happy 1st silly Saturday of March. 13 more days till spring! Don't forget to set those clocks ahead 1 hr. this weekend.




Working in the garden
Thursday, December 20, 2001

A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife:

"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:

"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter:

"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

Source: Aha

Grins & Giggles
Shirl



Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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2/28/15 5:42 P

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emoticon Loved 'em! Thanks!
--Priscilla

"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
--Thomas Foxwell Buxton


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2/28/15 5:28 P

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Hahaha...thank you for the guffaws.

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE, NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"Lost time is never found again." - Benjamin Franklin


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2/28/15 11:30 A

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Hahahaha! Great jokes!! emoticon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Donna
Texas

Check out my favorite musician (AKA my son!), Jake Novak, and his band, Ambrosius:
https://www.facebook.com/jakejizzle
https://www.facebook.com/Ambrosius80
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2/28/15 9:56 A

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giggle, giggle...sounds like he doesn't like his MIL. *grin*

Here is a FIL one to go along side the MIL one:



Father-in-laws


A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents.

After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out more about the young man.

The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks.

"I am a bible scholar" the young man replies.

"A bible scholar, huh", the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice home for my daughter to live in, as she is used to having?"

The young man replies, "I will study and God will provide for us".

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, which she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies and God provide for us", replies the young man.

The conversation proceeds in this manner, which each question the father asks, the young man replies that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did the conversation go?".

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is that he thinks I am God".

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KSNICKER's Photo KSNICKER Posts: 27,655
2/28/15 9:09 A

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emoticon too funny Shirl...

Edited by: KSNICKER at: 2/28/2015 (09:09)

Kathy

AKA Mermaid

~~~S*P*L*A*S*H~~~


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Our last silly Sat. of Feb. Days are getting longer, sun is getting stronger and spring is on it's way, hooray! Have a great Silly Saturday, may your day be filled with laughter.

Mother In Law
Monday, September 24, 2001

Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.


Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to receive 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn’t want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.


Mrs. Mueller is first.


"What do you wish for yourself?"


"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."


"Okay, that shall be granted to you."


Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few blows.


Next it is Mueller’s mother-in-law’s turn.


"What do you wish for yourself?"


"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end and a pillow bound on my back before the lashings."


"Okay, that shall be granted to you."


The mother-in-law receives her fifty lashes, but hardly feels the pain through the pillows.


Then comes Mueller himself.


"What do you wish for yourself?"


"I have two wishes. Do you want to fulfill them for me?"


"Because you are a guest in our country, we want to fulfill your wishes for you, as long as they are reasonable."


"I would like 100 lashes instead of 50."


The executioner is surprised, but recovers again right away and replies, "Yes, that is a pious wish, it shall be granted to you. And what is your second wish?"


"I would like to have my mother-in-law bound to my back."

Source: Laugh of the day

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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2/22/15 9:22 A

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ahhh the trivia that we can find on just about anything! Thanks Shirl...I enjoyed reading that.

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2/21/15 9:30 A

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Can you believe only one more silly Saturday left in Feb. We are getting closer to spring. Have a great silly Saturday.



Alternative Oscars
Wednesday, April 3, 2002

The Windbag Award: To Greer Garson. According to Oscar legend, she spent 90 rambling minutes at the podium after winning Best Actress in 1942 for Mrs. Miniver. But cooler heads say it was closer to seven minutes. Predictably, she began her speech by saying, "I'm practically unprepared."

The Fairy Tale Disaster Award: To Rob Lowe. In perhaps the most embarrassing Oscar opening, the 1988 organizers scripted a song-and-dance routine between Snow White and Lowe, who was introduced as her "blind date." Disney was so distressed that it sued.

The Brevity Is the Soul of Wit Award: To Alfred Hitchcock and Joe Pesci. After winning the Irving Thalberg Memorial Award in 1967 in recognition of his illustrious career, Hitchcock muttered "Thank you," and walked offstage. Twenty-three years later, after winning Best Supporting Actor for his work in Goodfellas, Joe Pesci did the same exact thing.

The Oscar D'Amore Award: To Cuba Gooding Jr., who exclaimed "I love you" 14 times — thanking everyone from God to Tom Cruise — after winning Best Supporting Actor for Jerry Maguire in 1996. Even after the orchestra interrupted him, he continued: "Everybody who was involved in this, I love you! I love you! I love you!"

The Nature Calls Award: To Meryl Streep, who left her just-claimed Oscar for Kramer vs. Kramer on the back of a toilet during the 1979 festivities.

The Au Naturel Award: To actor David Niven. In 1974, a streaker ran behind him as he was announcing the Best Picture award. The nudist flashed a peace sign — not to mention the Full Monty — to a shocked audience. Without missing a beat, Niven said the man would always be remembered "for his shortcomings."

The Silent Oscar Award: To Hal Roach, who received a special honor in 1991 for bringing Laurel & Hardy and many other classics to the big screen. Billy Crystal introduced him, and the audience gave him a booming ovation. But when everyone sat down, Roach, a centenarian, began speaking without a mike. The audience and TV viewers just stared for several moments, unable to hear him. Crystal quipped, "I think that's fitting since Mr. Roach started in silent film." It was Roach's last public appearance. He died six months later.

The Oscar Mayer Weiner Award: To Jack Palance, for dropping to the stage floor and doing one-armed pushups to celebrate his Best Supporting Actor award for City Slickers.

The Where Am I Now? Award: To Alice Brady, who won a Best Supporting Actress award for In Old Chicago in 1937. Brady wasn't present, but a man walked up and accepted the award on her behalf. After the show, neither he nor the Oscar was ever seen again.

The Get This Over With Award: To Sir Laurence Olivier. In 1985, the 78-year-old Shakespearean forgot to name the Best Picture nominees. He simply opened the envelope and proclaimed, "Amadeus!
"
Source: The Wolf Files

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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Mauri and Wanda good ones, got me to giggle.

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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Food Friday 5/8/2015 10:20:40 AM
Thankful Thursday 11/27/2015 7:13:14 AM

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