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7/5/14 6:54 P

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Thanks for the laughs... cute jokes!!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE GREAT TO START, BUT YOU HAVE TO START TO BE GREAT!!!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Phillipians 4:13.


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7/5/14 12:13 P

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Have a SILLY SATURDAY! :)

Here is a cute joke my mom told to me years ago... Ready?

Question: Why did the boy bubble chase the girl bubble around the bathtub?
Answer: He wanted to see her bust!

emoticon


BE YOURSELF! BE YOU! You can do it!

Debbie
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YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 8,829
7/5/14 11:07 A

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Happy first silly Saturday of July. Hope all had a happy and safe 4th.

Lauren was frustrated. She had complained dozens of times to her daughter about her newest gag of kissing the bathroom mirror immediately after applying lipstick, but it was all to no avail. Finally, one day after spending a half hour scrubbing the mirror, only to find another kiss mark an hour later, Lauren had enough. “Lizzy!” she hollered, “What?” came her daughter’s reply through her bedroom door. I can’t find the toilet brush that I’ve been using to clean the bathroom mirror. Do you have any idea where it is?” After hearing the gagging from behind the bedroom door, Lauren knew her days of cleaning kiss marks off of mirrors were over.

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/28/14 5:52 P

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Thanks Wanda, I needed those today!
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Phyllis ~~~~
2014 Motto--Finish what you started!


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6/28/14 9:58 A

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June 28 Silly Saturday

"The Old Days"

A grandpa was telling his young grandson what life was like when he was a boy.

"In the winter we’d ice skate on our pond. In the summer we could swim in the pond, and pick berries in the woods. We’d swing on an old tire my dad hung from a tree on a rope. And we had a pony we rode all over the farm."

The little boy was amazed, and sat silently for a minute. Finally he said, "Granddad, I wish I'd gotten to know you a lot sooner!"




A couple in their nineties are both having some short term memory loss.

While in for a checkup, the physician says that physically they’re okay, but since they’re having trouble remembering things, they might want to start writing things down.

Later that evening they’re sitting and reading, when the husband gets up.

“Would you like anything from the kitchen?” he asks.

“Some vanilla ice cream,” his wife replies.

“Okay.”

“Shouldn’t you write it down so you don’t forget it?” she asks.

“Don’t worry, I won’t forget.”

“Well,” she says. “A few raspberries on top would be great. You want to write that down?”

“I’ve got it, honey. A bowl of vanilla ice cream with raspberries on top.”

“And chocolate sauce, too. Maybe you’ll forget that. Want me to write it down for you?”

A little miffed, he replies, “I’ve got it! Ice cream, raspberries and chocolate sauce. I don’t need it written down, for gosh sakes!”

He waddles out to the the kitchen. A half hour later, he comes back with a plate of ham and scrambled eggs, and gives it to his wife.

She stares at the plate a few seconds, then says, “You forgot my toast.”


Hugs,
Wanda


Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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6/21/14 11:08 A

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HAHA...that is something one of my kids would have said. Thanks Shirl for the giggle.

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

"Oh," she paused, "grandpa, did God make me too?"

"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"


Hugs,
Wanda

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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6/21/14 9:48 A

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Happy first day of summer, though it felt more like a fall morning, crazy weather. Join us here to read or if you have a funny to share.

My four year old daughter had a terrible case of the flu, she was achy, had a high fever, and was terribly hoarse. After waiting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office for over an hour we were finally admitted to see the Doctor. After the usual routine of listening to her breathing and checking her ears, the Doctor looked my daughter in the eye and said, “so what would you say is bothering you the most?” Without skipping a beat my daughter promptly answered, “Billy, he always breaks my toys!”

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shril

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/15/14 11:06 A

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Wanda thanks for getting silly Saturday started you gave me a giggle.

A wife was sitting peacefully in her cozy armchair sewing her husband’s socks. Her husband came in to the room and glanced at what she was doing, and started badgering, “HONEY be more careful! PLEASE WATCH WHAT YOU ARE DOING! You don’t wan’t to poke YOUR finger! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! Don’t look up when YOUR’E SEWING! There you go now slow and steady, nice even stitches. The wife puts down the needle and thread, looks up at her husband, and says, “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you know how many times I’ve sewn socks before?! “EXACTLY THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO GET AT”, hollered the husband, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I’VE DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE!?

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shirl

Edited by: YOYONOMORE1 at: 6/15/2014 (11:08)
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/14/14 9:37 A

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June 14 Silly Saturday

Join in the challenge and leave us a giggle or two.

Short Summer Jokes
Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
A: I'm bacon!

Q: What do you call six weeks of rain in Scotland? A: Summer! Q: How do you prevent a Summer cold?
A: Catch it in the Winter!

Q: What do you call a french guy in sandals?
A: Phillipe Phloppe.

Q: When do you go at red and stop at green?
A: When you're eating a watermelon.

Q: How do men exercise at the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini.

Two Year Old

My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Alex playing calmly in the woods. "Listen to me, Alex," his mother said sharply. "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?" Alex thought about that for a moment and said, "Okay. Disney World."




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6/7/14 1:51 P

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Oh Wanda that gave me a good chuckle!

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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6/7/14 9:25 A

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Clergy on the beach


Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery.

Presently, a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare.

As she passed them she turned, smiled, and said: "Good morning father, good morning father." Nodding and addressing each of them individually.

They were both stunned; how in the world were they recognized as priests?

They went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits and again they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.

After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads).

Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "good morning father", "good morning father" and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it and said, "just a minute young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"

"Oh father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Kathryn!"




Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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6/7/14 8:52 A

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Here's our fist silly Saturday of June, hope it's one full of laughter for you. If you have a funny to share please join us here and help us have a giggle.

Nurse – I’m sorry but rules are rules! You can only be discharges in a wheelchair! On the way out in a wheelchair Nurse – Is your wife going to be meeting you? Old Man – I don’t know. She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/31/14 9:19 A

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Why God Never Received Tenure at any University




He had only one major publication.

It was in Hebrew.

It had no references.

It wasn't published in a refereed journal.

Some even doubt he wrote it himself.

It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?

His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.

The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.

He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.

When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.

When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample .

He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.

Some say he had his son teach the class.

He expelled his first two students for learning.

Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.

His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.


Hugs,
Wanda

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/31/14 8:21 A

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Well we've made it to our last silly Saturday of May and will be heading into June. If you have a funny to share please join us here and help us have a giggle.

Lisa, a 16 year old girl, nervously brought her most recent boyfriend home with her to meet her parents. Although Lisa was very fond of him she was nervous about what sort of impression he’d make on her parents. After all, he was full of tattoos and rings all over his body. “Mom,” said Lisa nervously, ” I would like you to meet Spike, my boyfriend, Spike this is my Mom.” After a few minutes of small talk and pleasantries, Lisa’s Mom called her over and whispered “Lisa, I don’t like him, he just doesn’t seem very nice!” “Mom please!” retorted Lisa, “if he’s not a nice guy how can you explain the forty hours of community service he does a week?!”

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

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Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/24/14 10:57 A

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Thanks for the giggle Shirl.


Some more gardening humor:

GOD AND ST. FRANCIS DISCUSSING LAWNS

GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?"

ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a really stupid movie about.....

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.


Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
YOYONOMORE1's Photo YOYONOMORE1 Posts: 8,829
5/24/14 8:48 A

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One more silly Saturday in May, where has the month gone. If you have a funny to share join us here, or if not just read and hopefully have a laugh or two.

My boss called me into his office today. “We both know you’re not the brightest spark here, Simon,” he said, “but over the last 5 years you’ve never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. So, how does a brand new car sound?” “Vrooom! Vrooooom!” I replied.

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/17/14 10:05 A

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May 17 Silly Saturday

Join me in sharing a giggle or two.



Two older ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
One leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off right now and streak through that stupid flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.

As fast as she could, the first little old lady fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"Why, I won first prize for Best Dried Arrangement."


A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences were broken down. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!" A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!" "Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"


A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/10/14 9:43 A

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haha...Shirl...that would be my hubby!

some more handyman humor:

AFTER a two-week vacation, a man returned to his office and one of his fellow workers asked him what kind of time he'd had. "I spent the whole two weeks helping my wife paint the rooms in our house," he groaned. "Does she do that often?" "Well," he replied, "when we moved in a few years ago, the guest room was nine by twelve. Now it's eight by eleven!"

WHILE I was working at a lumberyard, a customer asked where we kept two-by-fours. I directed him to the pile, and asked, "How long do you want them?" "Quite a while!" was his reply. "I'm nailing them to a house."

MY PARENTS, who are real do-it-your-selfers, were sprucing up their basement. They picked out bright orange shag carpeting and then spread it over our lawn in order to measure and cut it. Neighbours watched curiously. Before long, the teenage daughter of one neighbour spoke up. "Our family has taken a vote," she said. "I've been elected to tell you that if we have any voice in this, we would prefer you leave your lawn the colour it is."

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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5/10/14 9:32 A

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Do any of you have a handyman husband like this? Have a happy, laugh filled, silly Saturday.

“Honey!” screamed my husband from our bedroom, “you MUST check this out! “What is it?” I hollered back from the kitchen. “You’re not going to believe what I found when I was drilling a hole through the wall! I found a secret stash of bottles!” Just then I heard my daughters voice hollering from the bathroom, “I’m trying to brush my teeth in here! Who the hell is drilling a hole through the medicine cabinet!?”

Read more at: Great Clean Jokes

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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5/3/14 10:36 A

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Hope you can find some laughter today. Wanda you gave me a giggle last Sat. Everyone is welcome to just read or if you have a funny you could share please join us here and share the laughter.

An onion can make people cry but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. ~ Will Rogers

When I come to one of the forks in the road of life, I don’t waste time and energy wishing it was a spoon. ~ Miss Piggy

All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.

If all is not lost, where is it?

The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.

I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.

It was all so different before everything changed.

Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few ...

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.

When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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4/26/14 10:12 A

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I'm up bright and early and thought I would get Silly Saturday started, hope you have a giggle or two.


A new priest, born and raised in Texas, comes to
serve in a city parish and is nervous about hearing
confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in
on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions,
then the old priest asks him to step out of the
confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, “Cross your arms over your
chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying
things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.'”

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one
hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little
better than slapping your knee and saying,
‘No guff, what happened next?’

hugs, Wanda

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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4/19/14 10:13 A

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All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from the Easter Bunny


Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There's no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Some body parts should be floppy.
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell.
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey!

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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4/19/14 7:47 A

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Here we are at the day before Easter, hope yours is a blessed and happy one. Here's a little more Easter humor. Please join us here to just read or if you have a funny to share, the more the merrier.

Wanda I got a giggle out of yours from last week.

Q: What do you get when you cross a rabbits foot with poison ivy?

A: a rash of good luck.

Q: What do you call a bunny with a dictionary in his pants?

A: A smarty pants.

Q: What do you call Easter when you are hopping around?

A: Hoppy Easter!

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/easte
rjokes/easteronelinersjokes.html

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


Shirl

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4/12/14 10:15 A

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HAHA good ones Shirl...let's see if I can find anything to bring a giggle or two.

The Funny Story of the Taxi Driver and St PeterSt Peter Religious Joke

One Easter a priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

'Come with me,' said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.

'Oh my word, thank you,' said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rough old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,' said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'

'Yes, that's true.' St Peter rejoined, 'But during your Easter sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'

Hugs,
Wanda

Positive Bloggers

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4/12/14 10:13 A

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LOL, Shirl!

Since I'm going to the Pink Ribbon Tea Party today, I thought I'd share some tea jokes from www.thesnooze.com:

How long does it take to ship tea from China by slow boat?
Oolong Time! - (Mensch Freborg Wins Pignoli Nuts!)

What does a teapot say to her hairdresser?
Don't teas - (Theresa Rubino Wins my company!

What does the teapot say to its bag?
I don't want another seep out of you! -(Teary Wins my company!)

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Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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Good silly Saturday morning to all. Seeing Easter is fast approaching thought we could use some Easter humor. If you have a funny to share please join us here.

Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain? A: An egghead. Q: What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water? A: It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!

So, Easter commemorates when Jesus hid eggs for the disciples to find, and then he turned all the rabbits into chocolate, right? Q: Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs? A: From Eggplants.

Q: What happened to the Easter Bunny when he misbehaved at school?

A: He was eggspelled!

Q: Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs?

A: She had to call an eggs-terminator!

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas? A: Bugs Bunny! Q: Why was the little girl sad after the race?

A: Because an egg beater!

Q: What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?

A: a hot cross bunny

Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most? A: Fry-days. Q: What kind of bunny can’t hop?

A: A chocolate one!

Q: How do bunnies stay healthy?

A: Eggercise

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/easte
rjokes/easteronelinersjokes.html

Have an eggcellent day!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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4/5/14 7:34 P

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Thanks for the evening giggles Wanda and for posting here for me today.

Hugs,
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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4/5/14 10:51 A

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Short Spring Jokes
Q. When do monkeys fall from the sky?
A. During Ape-ril showers!

Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May!

Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
A: Because they've just finished a long, 31 day March!

Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring-time!

Q: What flowers grow on faces?
A: Tulips (Two-lips)!

Q: Why is the letter A like a flower?
A: A bee (B) comes after it!

Q: When do people start using their trampoline?
A: Spring-Time

Q: What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A: A hot cross bunny

Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
A: Lily!

Q: What does the Easter Bunny order at a Chinese Restaurant?
A: Hop Suey!

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny


Spring Fever Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"

Hugs,
Wanda


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3/29/14 9:32 A

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Now those are some crazy laws!

Thanks for the giggles Shirl...I'm sure we have some just as bad in Canada.

Crazy laws in Canada:

You’d be surprised to learn what’s against the law in Canada. For example, recently a Toronto businessman found that to sell edible underwear in his ‘Adult Entertainment’ store, he’d need a food license. Who knew?

1. It's Illegal To Whistle in Petrolia, Ont."
A Petrolia city rep says this unusual law simply aims to limit excessive noise between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m., but according to Article 3, 772.3.6 on the town’s website, “Yelling, shouting, hooting, whistling or singing is prohibited at all times.” Keep your enthusiasm to yourself, folks.

2. Keep Your Booze At Home:
According to the Importation of Intoxicating Liquors Act (which dates back to the time of prohibition and bootleggers), you can only legally move a bottle of booze from one province to another with the permission of the provincial liquor control board. The situation changed on May 28th, 2012, allowing you to legally move wine, but little else.

3. It's Illegal To Attach a Siren To Your Bike in Sudbury, Ont.
Since 1973, the only noise-makers Sudbury cyclists can attach to their bikes are bells and horns. Breaking noise bylaws in Sudbury can lead to fines up to $5,000. Who attaches a siren to their bike, anyways?

4. It's Illegal to Skinny Dip in Bancroft, Ont.
Travel Writer Melanie Chambers highlighted this unusual bylaw ban, and it may well still be on the books. Either way, be sure to get you skivvies on before you get your skinny on.

5. Don't Pay With Too Much Change!
While it won't make you a law breaker, according to Canada’s Currency Act of 1985 there are limits to the number of coins you can use in a transaction. Now that we’ve put the kibosh on the old penny, are you accumulating nickels? If it’s nickels, vendors can say no to any purchase over $5, while the loonie limit is $25.

6. Taxi Drivers Can't Wear a T-Shirt in Halifax, N.S.
According to Halifax’s Regional Municipality Bylaws for Taxis and Limousines, number 42 a) stipulates drivers must wear shoes and socks, keep their attire in neat and tidy condition at all times, and absolutely cannot wear a t-shirt. Looks like summer is a whole lot hotter for cabbies in Halifax.

7. It Was Illegal for Non-dark Soft Drinks To Contain Caffeine
Sprite, Mountain Dew and other non-dark soft drinks couldn’t contain caffeine, but that all changed in March 2010 with the advent of “energy drinks” like Redbull. Now you can have caffeine in soft drinks like orange and grape soda, however there is a limit, and it’s still lower than colas.

8. It's Illegal To Build Big Snowmen in Souris, P.E.I.
Souris, P.E.I. is well-known to summer visitors for its curious ‘Singing Sands’ Beach, but few know of a local law that warns residents against building monstrous snowmen. If you live on a corner lot it’s against the law to built a snowman taller than 30-inches. Fear of Frosty's revenge, much?


9. Get Your Margarine Out of Here!
Few may remember this, but thanks to lobbying by dairy farmers it was illegal to sell butter-coloured margarine in Ontario until 1995. In fact, margarine was altogether banned in Canada from 1886 to 1948 (there was a brief reprieve during WW1)

10. You Can't Just 'Jump In The Lake' In Toronto
According to the Toronto Port Authority, you can’t swim anywhere in the harbour that has not been designated as a swimming area by the City of Toronto. So, if you’re out on a boat and want to cool off, keep this in mind. Historically, there was also a law that you couldn’t swim in Toronto Harbor in ‘less than-seemly’attire. Travel writer Mark Stevens pointed out this ruling: “When the nude beach at Hanlon’s opened Police were ticketing using this bylaw.” That law has been updated, and you can now officially swim naked IF you are at the nude beach.

11. Keep Your Comics Clean
Our ‘Spidey Sense’ just started tingling! The way Canadian law currently stand, “Everyone commits an offence who… (b) makes, prints, publishes, distributes, sells or has in his possession for the purpose of publication, distribution or circulation a crime comic.” For the full story read: ‘Under Arrest – Canadian Laws You Won’t Believe’ by Bob Tarantino.

12. Clotheslines Were Banned
Talk about being hung out to dry! Many Canadian communities long restricted the use of clotheslines because they just didn’t like the look of them. Now because of increased energy consciousness the provincial government has stepped in with a ruling that overrides neighbourhood regulations.

13. Keep Your Kids at Home in St. Paul, Alta.
St. Paul residents don’t have to worry about their kids sneaking out late at night. It’s against the law for anyone 15 or younger to loiter in a public place without supervision of a parent or guardian between 12:01 a.m. and 6 a.m. Take that, whippersnappers!


more dumb laws:

In Calgary, Alberta it is illegal to buy and/or sell non prescription contacts at costume shops

Residents are not allowed to have an Internet connection faster than 56k.

You may not pay for a fifty-cent item with only pennies.

You may not paint a ladder as it will be slippery when wet.

Citizens may not publicly remove bandages.

If you have a water trough in your front yard it must be filled by 5:00 a.

It is illegal to show public affection on Sunday.

Businesses must provide rails for tying up horses.

It is illegal to kill a sick person by frightening them.



Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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3/29/14 8:58 A

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We have arrived at our last silly Saturday for March and we are almost into April and warmer weather, I hope. Join us here just to read or if you have a funny to share. I really need to find a new site to get jokes from, hope you can find a laugh somewhere below.

Florida Dumb City & County Laws:

Big Pine Key:

• It is illegal to molest a Key deer.


Broward County:

• Persons may not be “inappropriately attired” who work at hot dog stands.


Cape Coral:

• It is against the city ordinance to hang your clothes outside on a clothesline.

• It is illegal to park a pick-up truck in your driveway or in front of your house on the street.


Cape Coral City:

• A $50 fine will be levied on anyone who allows a couch to sit in their carport.


Daytona Beach:

• The molestation of trash cans is banned.

• Maintaining a car on your property which is no longer in use is prohibited.

• Owning a flower pot with water in it that isn’t capable of draining is considered a public nuisance.


Destin:

• It is illegal for an owner of a store to allow another person to pass out free ducklings in front of the store.

• Destin states that a cat that viciously chases passers-by is a ‘bad cat’.

• If you wish to go swimming in the ocean, get dressed in your hotel room.

• Torpedoes may not be set off in the city.

• If you like to love to ride your bicycle in Destin, don’t lean it up against a tree in a cemetery.

• It is illegal to drive over graves in a cemetery.

• If you notice an ice-cream man attempting to sell his cold concoctions in a cemetery, call the police immediately, for that is illegal.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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3/23/14 8:29 A

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Too funny, Wanda!!! emoticon

Looks like the access road to the expressway I take to work...except they are real potholes. emoticon

.•*´¨ ) ¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Maurizia.•*¨)♥

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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3/22/14 1:42 P

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Love it, thanks for the morning smile!

"The more you are grateful for what you have.. the more you will have to be grateful for!"


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3/22/14 10:20 A

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Ha, Wanda that's a good one. Thanks for getting us started with a laugh this morning.

Hugs,
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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3/22/14 9:42 A

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It's Silly Saturday time again...please join us in sharing a bit of laughter.


www.sillyhumor.com/canadian-speed-co
nt
rol/canadian-speed-control.html


Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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3/15/14 11:30 A

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Good ones, Shirl! LOL

There was a Scotsman an Englishman and an Irishman all sitting on a tea – break on a building site.

The Englishman pipes up, "If my wife puts cheese on my sandwich again I am going to kill myself."

The Scotsman says, "If my wife puts egg on my sandwich again, I will kill myself ."

The Irishman says, "If I find gammon on my sandwich again, I will kill myself."

Sure enough the next day all three open up there lunch boxes and find the sandwich are all full of cheese, egg and gammon once again so they all go off to different parts of the site and kill themselves.

Later in the week all three men are being buried and the Englishman’s wife says, "If he diddn’t want cheese on his sandwiches, he should have told me and this wouldn’t have happened.

The Scotsman’s wife comes away with the same statement concerning the egg sandwiches.

Then the Irishman’s wife pipes up, "I can’t understand this. Paddy made his own sandwiches."


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Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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3/15/14 9:40 A

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Seeing we are at the Sat. before St. Patrick's Day felt we needed to get some Irish humor in here. Please join us just to read or if you have a funny to share to help us have a chuckle or two.

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave.

"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing," he replied, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."


Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by.

"Help!" Barty shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!"

Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."

Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail.

After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help."

As Mick was leaving, Barty called "Mick! Mick!

"Would it help if me pulled my feet out of the stirrups."

Like the warmth of the sun
And the light of the day,
May the luck of the Irish
shine bright on your way.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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3/8/14 9:25 A

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Shirl...I can always depend on you giving me a chuckle on Saturday mornings!




Scottish Wedding

"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.


Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong,

especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, whilst on drugs.

When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike.

Drive By

A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV, just the remote.

Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick bastard!!







SCAM



Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favourite 18 Holes".

Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.





Pregnant Prostitute



Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"

"For gosh sake, if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you fart?







Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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3/8/14 9:04 A

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Good morning on this 2nd silly Sat. of March. Join us to read or if you have a funny you could share, we love to read it. The following made me smile and then gave me a good chuckle, hope it helps you have a laugh for the day.

An very old man and a young woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two retired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 a.m., he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the cupboard to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own damned blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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3/1/14 11:22 A

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I see we are sharing fitness jokes. Here goes:

The trouble with jogging is that once you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.

I've been working out every day this week. My TV remote is broken, and getting up out of the chair 50 times a night is really tough.

I enjoy long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.

Exercise must be good for you. My wife's tongue has never been sick a day in her life.

My wife was forced to quit her aerobics class because she broke a toe. Unfortunately, it wasn't hers.


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Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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3/1/14 10:19 A

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Shirl...thanks for the great giggles this morning.

Welcome to March!

I WAS talking to a new acquaintance at a dinner party, and the conversation got around to unemployment. "You know, it's really sad," she said, "when so many people are out of work, and here I am living off the fat of the land." "How do you manage that?" I asked. She lowered her voice to a confidential whisper and replied, "I'm an aerobics instructor."


EVERY morning my father, an early riser who enjoyed keeping in shape, sprinted the four blocks from our house to the bus stop, carrying his briefcase. One evening at a social function in the neighbourhood, he overheard one man telling another, "There's a fella living up the block who has to run like a madman for the bus every morning - he'd save himself a lot of trouble if he only had the good sense to get out of bed five minutes earlier."


A FRIEND wanted me to enroll in an aerobics class. "No. Absolutely not!" I exclaimed. "I tried that once." "What happened?" she asked, looking puzzled. "I twisted, hopped, jumped, stretched and pulled," I replied. "And by the time I got those darn leotards on, the class was over!"

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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3/1/14 9:43 A

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Hey, we made it to March, woo hoo! Mauri loved your post last Sat. If you have a funny to share or just want to read the post please join us here.

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of idiot to forget to eat!

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

Grins & Giggles,
Shirl

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "listen witch... do it and die!"

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.


Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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2/22/14 9:58 A

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Love those tax jokes, Shirl! Thanks for the laughs.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. - Elayne Boosler



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"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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Our last silly Sat. for Feb. moving on into March and 25 more days till spring. This brings us to the lovely time of year know as tax season, so here's some funnies devoted to that. Join us here just to read or if you have a joke, funny story etc.to share with us.

Tax Jokes and Quotes

Do you realize that some tax forms ask you to check a box if
you are BLIND?

Quote: "Two years ago it was impossible to get through on
the phone to the IRS. Now it's just hard to get through.
That's progress."
-Charles Rossotti, former IRS Commissioner

Disappointed that you never had time to write the great
American novel? Don't fret, just go dig out your past tax
returns.

Quote: "The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after
taxes."

Under the Freedom of Information Act, a man with a small
business sent a request to the IRS asking if they had a file
on him. The IRS wrote back, "There is now."

Quote: "It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with
a smile, but normally cash is required."

Q: Who audits IRS agents?

Quote: "Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite
as satisfying as an income tax refund."

Q: How do you drive a CPA insane?

A: Fill out Form 1040EZ.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Wanda those were all great, lol!

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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Just some silliness to read through:



WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend
Is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


Keep reading-they get better!!!

WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet ,I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'


KEEP READING ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM.


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
Pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
And still be afraid of a spider.


LOTS MORE TO ENJOY...KEEP SCROLLING DOWN FOR A WHILE.


MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his
Wife's' arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?


LOTS MORE TO LAUGH AT...

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
To get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
And some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... So does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)


KEEP ON READING.


WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an
Argument and
Neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they
Passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
The husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


MORE AND MORE YET TO ENJOY.


WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to
Repeat everything to men....
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'


KEEP ON GOING.

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !


SCROLL DOWN SOME MORE...

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
Should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,

And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
You should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and
Besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me..'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'


YEP, THERE IS SOME MORE...


The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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Sweetneey that's a good one.

Well we are almost at the end of silly Saturdays for Feb. Join us here just to read or if you have a funny you can add to help make us laugh.

Q. Why don't lions eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.


Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.”

“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added,

“Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change…”


I will overcome
Ju
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Eastern Time Zone (NY)


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Thanks for the giggles, Wanda & Shirl.

.•*´¨ ) ¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Maurizia.•*¨)♥

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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Mauri those are a couple of good ones, thanks for getting us started today, I am leaning towards love seeing Valentine's Day is coming up this week. Anyone feel free to join us here and just read or add your own funny. We can use all the laughter we can find.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day?
A: I'm stuck on you!
Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner?
A: A stamp.
Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?
A: Because it's all heart.
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.
Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called?
A: His ghoul-friend.
Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn't get a date.
Q: What happens when you fall in love with a french chef?
A: You get buttered up.
Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
A: Ughs and kisses!
Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
A: I find you very attractive.
Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
A: I love you a ton!
Q: What did one pickle say to the other?
A: You mean a great dill to me.
Q: What do you call a very small Valentine?
A: A Valentiny!
Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.
Q. What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day?
A. Let me call you Tweet heart!
Q. What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day?
A. You're purrr-fect for me!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Love is in the air!

Shirl

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2/8/14 9:13 A

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lol...loved the pole vaulter one!

I'll join you in the Olympic humor:

Tryouts for the U.S. Olympic women's marathon swim team were to be held. The first was in California; a swim from from Santa Monica to Catalina doing only the breaststroke. Three women signed up for the tryouts - a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

The race started, and after approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the winner. About 40 minutes later, the Redhead crawled ashore and was declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete this regulation breaststroke race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms."



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Thought some Olympic humor is in place...

“I called my grandmother and told her she could win a gold medal because they have dusting in the Olympics now.”—Charles Barkley, referring to curling

While walking through the Olympic Village...
...A reporter meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick and asks, “Are you a pole vaulter?” “No,” says the man, “I’m German. But how did you know my name is Walter?”



.•*´¨ ) ¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Maurizia.•*¨)♥

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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OMG,Wanda! Good thing I was near the bathroom...

.•*´¨ ) ¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Maurizia.•*¨)♥

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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Thanks Wanda and Mauri for joining in with the funnies today.

Shirl

Co-leader Positive Blogger's Team



Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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thanks for the giggles:



Wife texts husband on a very cold winter's morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back:
"Gently pour lukewarm water over it."
Wife texts back about 5 minutes later:
"Computer really screwed up now."

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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Staying with the Groundhog Day theme:

What would you get if you crossed February 2 with a puppy?
Ground-dog Day!

What happened when the groundhog met the dogcatcher?
He became a pound hog!

What happens if the ground log sees its shadow?
We'll have six more weeks of splinters!

Why was the groundhog depressed about his den?
He was having a bad lair day!

What would you get if you crossed February 2 with a Christmas drink?
Ground Nog Day!

.•*´¨ ) ¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Maurizia.•*¨)♥

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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Hello and happy Feb. 1st, in honor of ground hog day here are some reasons to celebrate it. If you have a funny to share please post and join us here.



11. It's on nearly every calendar.

10. Helps relieve cabin fever.

9. Spring or not, it's six weeks till St Urho's Day.

8. Forecast is no less reliable than the National Weather Service.

7. At least one of them critters is bound to see things your way.

6. Valentine's Day is too depressing for nerds.

5. Unlike the Easter bunny, he keeps his dirty paws outside.

4. As they used to say on radio: "The Shadow knows".

3. It's fun to say "Punxsutawney".

2. If a rodent can bring us an early spring, more power to him.

1. In Minnesota, either way we come out ahead.

Grins and Giggles
Shirl

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1/25/14 10:15 A

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Thanks Mauri and Shirl...great giggles this morning. Let's see what I can do!

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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Good silly morning to all. Mauri you know I never mind if someone wants to jump in and get us started, it's all good. If you've just come to read the post or you'd like to add a funny of your own please join us here, the more the merrier.

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.
On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone - "Get me a coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"

"No," replied the trainee.
"It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"

The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!"
"No." replied the CEO indignantly.

"Good!" replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
William Arthur Ward

Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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Shirl, hope you don't mind I get this started today. Want to get off my computer for tawhile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man #1: "Just sold a lawn mower on E-Bay."
Man #2: "That's great."
Man #1: "Yep. That's the last time my neighbor mows the lawn early on a Saturday."

Girl #1: "Why are Saturdays & Sundays so strong?"
Girl #2: "Why?"
Girl #1: "Because the rest are WEEKdays."

I LOVE corny jokes. Can you tell?



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Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

I will overcome
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1/18/14 9:53 A

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hahaha Shirl...that was good!

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"


Hospital regulations required a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman - already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet - who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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We are closing in on the last silly Sat. of Jan. where did this month go. If you have a funny to share please join us here.

Wanda liked your animal stories.

Four men, well along in years, had played golf as a foursome every Sunday morning, until one of them passed away. The other three asked the club pro if he could find them a compatible gentleman to fill out the foursome again. "No problem," answered the pro.

"But, you have to understand," one of the guys, named George, explained, "that Ralph, who died, was like our eyes. We're all getting some cataracts, and have trouble seeing the ball. Ralph's eyesight was perfect, and he was our spotter."

The pro promised to see what he could do, and, when the others returned the following Sunday, he introduced them to a truly ancient looking gentleman, named Walt.

"How old are you?" George asked.

"I'm ninety-four," Walt responded.

"Fabulous," said George. "But how's your eyesight?"

At this, Walt blew up. "Don't insult my eyes," he yelled. "I may be old, but I've got 20-20 vision. I have eyes like an eagle. Don't insult me!"

"Okay, okay," the others said. "Let's play golf."

George was first on the tee, and he hit a long, low drive, that faded significantly after about 200 yards. He turned to Walt.

"Did you see where it went?" he asked the ancient one.

"Did I see where it went? I told you not to insult my eyesight. Of course, I saw where it went. I've got eyes like an eagle!" Walt yelled.

"Okay, I'm sorry," said George. "Where did it go?"

Walt dropped his head, and muttered, "I forgot."


Shirl

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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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1/11/14 10:39 A

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A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.

A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent, the deer didn’t have a buck so they put the meal on the duck’s bill.

Yep, they are groaners, but it was all I could come up with. *grin*.

Hugs,
Wanda

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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Happy, silly Saturday, if you have a funny you can share please join us here and help us have a laugh. No joke this morning, just some funny sayings. I like the one about the dust mites under the bed, lol. Find some laughter in your day.

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. Mark Twain

To get nowhere - follow the crowd. Dorothea S. Kopplin

I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying. Nelson Mandela

Determination is the wake-up call to the human will. Anthony Robbins

My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with. Oprah Winfrey

Things omitted are often more deadly than errors committed. Leo Buscaglia

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns to be amused rather than shocked. Robert Browning

No rewards are offered for finding fault. D. S. Kopplin

It is not well for a man to pray cream and live skim milk. Henry Ward Beecher

A woman's always younger than a man of equal years. Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root that we cannot get on without it any more than we can without potatoes. Louisa May Alcott

You just have to learn not to care about the dust mites under the beds. Margaret Mead

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? Satchel Paige

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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1/4/14 11:29 A

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The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"
Submitted by JH

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Here we go again, first silly Sat. of Jan. My contribution are a few funny quotes, I need to find a new site for jokes. Please feel free to join us here if you have a joke, funny story, quote or saying to share to help us have a chuckle.

Mauri liked your quote for last Sat. and Wanda's cowboy story.

Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window. Peter F. Drucker

If a window of opportunity appears, don't pull down the shade. Tom Peters

Don't quack like a duck, soar like an eagle. Kenneth Blanchard

Have a great silly Sat. and find some laughter in your day.

Grins & Giggles,
Shirl

Edited by: YOYONOMORE1 at: 1/4/2014 (09:31)
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12/28/13 2:50 P

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Good ones, Wanda & Shirl. I love Mark Twain...Here's his take on New Year's Resolutions:

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain

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"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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12/28/13 10:55 A

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Some silly Canadian humour


A cowboy, who just moved to Saskatchewan from Alberta , walks into a bar and
orders three mugs of Canadian. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a
sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar
and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat
after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in BC , the
other is in Ontario . When we all left our home in Alberta , we promised
that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm
drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He
orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice
and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the
bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to
offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes
and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I
joined the Mennonite Brethren Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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12/28/13 9:00 A

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Wanda I liked the 12 days of Catmas, lol. Well this is our last silly Sat. of 2013, if you have any new year humor to share with us please join us here. I found some new year quotes to share. A Happy New Year to all!

Anais Nin
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.

Oscar Wilde
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

Robert Paul
I'm a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.

Anonymous
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Leonard Bernstein
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.

Hugs,
Shirl
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12/21/13 10:47 A

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I'm sure this is what Kismet is hoping for Christmas!

THE TWELVE DAYS OF "CATS"MAS

On the first day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.

On the second day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.

On the third day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
five litter pans
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
six cans of sardines
five litter pans
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
seven pounds of catnip
six cans of sardines
five litter pans
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
eight dogs on leashes
seven pounds of catnip
six cans of sardines
five litter pans
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
nine frogs aleaping
eight dogs on leashes
seven pounds of catnip
six cans of sardines
five litter pans
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
balls of yarn all tangled
nine frogs aleaping
eight dogs on leashes
seven pounds of catnip
six cans of sardines
five litter pans
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
eleven mice a running
balls of yarn all tangled
nine frogs aleaping
eight dogs on leashes
seven pounds of catnip
six cans of sardines
five litter pans
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
twelve toys from Macys
eleven mice a running
balls of yarn all tangled
nine frogs aleaping
eight dogs on leashes
seven pounds of catnip
six cans of sardines
five litter pans
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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12/21/13 7:34 A

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Some reindeer humor on this silly Sat. If you have a funny to share with us please join us here. Have a great day and don't forget to laugh.

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof.

As he handed the reindeer a few coins in change, he said, "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."

The reindeer looked hard at his hoof full of change and said, "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."

Giggles & Grins
Shirl

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12/14/13 3:01 P

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Nice ones, Shirl & Wanda.

From wordpress.com:


What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!

How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed.

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!

What is green, covered with tinsel and says, “Ribbit, ribbit?”
A mistle-toad.

What do monkeys sing at Christmas time?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.

What do Christmas trees and bad knitters have in common?
They both drop their needles.

What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations?
Tinselitis.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.


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(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Maurizia.•*¨)♥

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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12/14/13 10:51 A

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Thanks for the chuckle this morning Shirl.


What is your name?
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How in hell does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me...is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say,'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say Sem Ting."

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12/14/13 9:26 A

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Tis the season to be jolly, so will share this story with you, it gave me a chuckle. If you have any funny to share, please join us here.

Mauri liked what you posted last Sat.

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.

"That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

"That's still quite a bit," Tom groused.

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

So the clerk handed him a mirror.

Grins & Giggles,
Shirl
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12/7/13 11:21 A

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Received this Hanukkah one by email...a little late for Hanukkah, but I want to share:

It was Hanukkah and the tiny village outside Budapest in Hungary was frightened that they may not have any latkes [pancakes] because they had run out of flour.
Rudi, the Rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem. He said, 'Don't worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour, and the latkes will be just as delicious.'

Sarah looks to her husband and says, 'Samuel, you think it'll work?'

'Of course,' Samuel replies, 'Everybody knows Rudolph the Rab knows grain, dear.'



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(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Maurizia.•*¨)♥

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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12/6/13 10:24 P

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Posting tonight as there won't be time in the morning .

What does Rudolph want for Christmas?
A Sony sleigh station!

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
"Horn"-aments!

What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?
She'd go to a "re-tail" shop for a new one!

Why is Prancer always wet?
Because he's a "rain"-deer!

Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
Comet!

When should you give reindeer milk to a baby?
When it's a baby reindeer!

Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him!

Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
"Rude"-olph!

What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want because he can't hear you!

What do reindeer always say before telling you a joke?
This one will "sleigh" you!

How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He looks at his calen-"deer"!

Where do the reindeer like to stop for lunch?
"Deery" Queen!

What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?
"Elk"-a-seltzer!

How do you get into Donner's house?
You ring the "deer"-bell!

What's red and white and gives presents to gazelles?
Santelope!

Did Rudolph go to a regular school?
No, he was "elf"-taught!

Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Because they look silly in snowsuits!

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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11/30/13 10:18 A

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Good morning on this last silly Saturday of Nov. Seeing we are going into Dec. tomorrow thought we'd get started on Christmas humor, I found this cute and hope it'll give you a chuckle. If you have a funny to share please join us here and help us have a good laugh.

Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

Men can't pack a bag.

Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be seen with all those elves.

Men don't answer their mail.

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."

Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.

Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment!

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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11/23/13 9:11 A

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Only one more silly Saturday left in Nov. my how time flies. Well seeing this Thursday is our Thanksgiving thought we should throw in some turkey funnies. If you have any funnies to share turkey or otherwise, please join us here and share, we love to laugh. Have a wonderful, blessed Thanksgiving.

Q. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A. Pilgrims!

Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. It was the chicken's day off.

Q. Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"?
A. Because they never learned good table manners!

Q. What sound does a space turkey make?
A. Hubble, hubble, hubble.

Q. How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
A. He was very thinkful.

Q. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
A. If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

Q. How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
A. One, but you really have to squeeze him in!

Q. What does a Pilgrim call his best friend?
A. A palgrim.

Q. Why can't you take a turkey to church?
A. Because they use such FOWL language.

Q. Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
A. To try to hatchet!

Q. What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
A. He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

Q. What always comes at the end of Thangsgiving?
A. The letter G!


Grins & Giggles
Shirl
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11/16/13 8:13 A

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Happy silly Saturday! If you have a funny that you can share to help us have a chuckle, please join us here.

An old man lived alone in Ireland.
He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply: "For HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the money!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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11/10/13 6:53 A

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Thanks for the chuckles, Shirl & Wanda. Teehee...great way to start Sunday...

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(¸.•´(¸ ;.•Maurizia.•*¨)♥

Mauri, EASTERN TIME ZONE in NEW ENGLAND

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." ~~John W. Gardner, US administrator (1912 - 2002)


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11/9/13 8:21 A

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Thanks for the giggles this morning Shirl


Snow Plow

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"




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11/9/13 7:44 A

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Here we are at our second silly Saturday of Nov. If you have a silly to share please join us here to help us have a giggle.

Wanda that was a good one last Sat., LOL

A Woman's Random Thoughts.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "listen witch... do it and die!"

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

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11/2/13 10:24 A

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Taxes...the bane of everyone's existence. Those were good Shirl.


Remember the person setting the table is a 4 yr. old. They tend to be very literal.

THE GOOD NAPKINS****
This is too good to not share. I think we are the last generation to know what 'napkins' are.

THE GOOD NAPKINS ...



Ahhhhh - The joys of having Girls...
My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors
was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why
she was keeping ''napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?
Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for 'special occasions' (her second mistake).

Now fast forward a few months .... It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks
are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had
assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.
Next came my father, who roared with laughter.

Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each
place setting on the table with a 'special occasion' Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top.

I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!
My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.
But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!'

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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11/2/13 8:52 A

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Nov. 5 we are voting on whether to have a city income tax, this is to help with road repairs, which many of our streets are sadly in need of repair, but I'll be surprised if it passes, people, even those working are having a struggle meeting all their bills now, don't think they want more taxes. So that's what the funnies are about today, taxes, hope you can find a giggle or two. If you have a funny to share, please join us here for silly Saturday.

Tax Jokes and Quotes

Do you realize that some tax forms ask you to check a box if
you are BLIND?

Quote: "Two years ago it was impossible to get through on
the phone to the IRS. Now it's just hard to get through.
That's progress."
-Charles Rossotti, former IRS Commissioner

Disappointed that you never had time to write the great
American novel? Don't fret, just go dig out your past tax
returns.

Quote: "The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after
taxes."

Under the Freedom of Information Act, a man with a small
business sent a request to the IRS asking if they had a file
on him. The IRS wrote back, "There is now."

Quote: "It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with
a smile, but normally cash is required."

Q: Who audits IRS agents?

Quote: "Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite
as satisfying as an income tax refund."

Q: How do you drive a CPA insane?

A: Fill out Form 1040EZ.

Quote: "The government deficit is the difference between the
amount of money the government spends and the amount it has
the nerve to collect."

Why is it that when the IRS loses a tax return, it is
considered a mistake, but when you lose a receipt, it is
considered tax evasion?

Quote: "The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes
are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling."

Q: How do you humble a person that flaunts their wealth?

A: Have them fill out a tax return.

Quote: "Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you
don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a
martyr."

Q: Why is a tax audit like a tornado?

A: There's a lot of screaming and you end up losing your house.

Quote: "When are we going to be allowed to list the
government as a dependent?"

People often say death and taxes are the same, but this
is wrong. Death is a taxable event, but taxes never die.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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10/26/13 10:28 A

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LOL Shirl...thanks for the giggles.

More Goulish Humor

The professor was removing organs from the deceased before his students, all the while saying, ". . . and this is the heart, and this is the liver, and this is the kidney, and this is . . ."
"What the heck is the professor doing?" asked a student.
"Shh! He's giving an organ recital."

You heard about the little mouse who looked up, saw a bat, and thought it was his fairy godmother?

Bloodshed - where the Red Cross keeps the plasma

Cemetary - bone zone.

Headline: "Due to strike, grave-digging at cemetary will be done by skeleton crews"

A kid stole a sign from a nursery and stuck it in front of a funeral parlor. It read: "LET US DO YOUR PLANTING FOR YOU."

Undertaker - the last guy to let you down.

Hugs
Wanda

Positive Bloggers

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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Saturday, Oct. 26, well here we are at our last Sat. of Oct., man oh man, where has this month gone. If you have something to share that'll make us howl with laughter, or is ghoulishly funny please share with us, or unrelated to Halloween, we don't care as long as it gives us a giggle.

Why did the mummy need to relax?

He was all wound up!

What did the witch say to the ugly toad? "I'd put a curse on you but it looks like someone beat me to it".

What's the difference between a broomstick and a pumpkin? Ever tried broomstick pie?

Why did the witch feed her cat pennies? She wanted to put some money in the kitty.

What do you call a witch's cat that drinks vinegar? A sour puss.

What do you get if you cross a witch's cat and a canary? A cat with a full tummy.

What did the black cat do when its tail got cut off in an accident? He went to a re-tail store.

Do witches stay home on weekends? No -- they go away for a spell.

What happened to the witch who hooked her broom to a space shuttle?
She got spaced out.

Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away

What does the coven's softball team do on Halloween? They practice pitchcraft.


Grins & Giggles
Shirl
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Edited by: YOYONOMORE1 at: 10/26/2013 (08:35)
Shirl

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10/19/13 10:59 A

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haha Shirl...I read those out to Garry as I was laughing...he groaned. LOL Thanks for the giggles this morning.














A man is walking home alone late on Halloween night.

It's dark, and the streetlights are out. Suddenly, he hears

BUMP!

BUMP!

BUMP!

Behind him. He walks faster, but the sound keeps coming.

BUMP!

BUMP!

BUMP!

Worried he is being followed, he glances behind him and through the
darkness, and he can just see an upright coffin.

No one seems to be holding the coffin; it's just bumping down the street
behind him.

The man is scared. He's sure it's following him! In an effort to shake it off, her turns a corner. To his relief, the sound stops. He keeps walking but before a minute has passed, he hears the familiar sound behind him again:

BUMP!

BUMP!

BUMP!

He is terrified! He starts to run towards his home, but the faster he runs, the
faster the coffin bounces along behind him!

Bumpity BUMP!

Bumpity BUMP!

Bumpity BUMP!

He pushes open his front gate, and runs up the path, fumbling for his keys.
The coffin reaches the gate and effortlessly pushes it open. It's right behind
him!!!

Finally his shaking hands manage to unlock his front door. He has no time to slam it behind him; the coffin is right on his heels! He rushes up the stairs, praying the coffin cannot climb after him.

BUMP!

BUMP!

BUMP!

The coffin pauses at the bottom of the stairs. The man breathes a sigh of relief
but ...

clappity BUMP...

clappity BUMP...

clappity BUMP...

The coffin is now climbing the stairs behind him. He runs to the bathroom perhaps he can lock himself in there! His heart pounds and his lungs hurt with the exertion of running for his life! He has only just latched the bathroom door when ...

CRASH!!!

The coffin breaks through the bathroom door!

What can he do? The coffin is nearly upon him! He reaches out for something heavy that he can throw at the coffin, and his hand comes to rest on a large
bottle of cough syrup.

Desperately, he throws the cough syrup as hard as he can at the coffin and

...........

...........

(Wait for it)

...........

...........

..........finally the coffin stops!!

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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Hello all you sillies, yep it's that time of the week again, let's see if we can get a giggle out of you, and if you have a funny to share please join us here.

Wanda loved the Thanksgiving poem, that'll be coming up for us in Nov.

Thought I'd try a little witchy humor this time seeing Halloween is not that far away.

What do you call a witch with one leg? Eileen.

Why is a witch like a candle? They're both wicked.

Why did the witch keep turning into Mickey Mouse? She kept having Disney spells.

What usually runs in witches' families? Noses.

What is the difference between a musician and a dead witch? One composes and the other decomposes.

What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch? A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot.

Why won't a witch wear a flat hat? Because there is no point in it.

What do you get if you cross a witch and an iceberg? A cold spell.

Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween? Because there are so many witches sweeping the sky.

Why did the witch consult an astrologer? She wanted to know her horror-scope.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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10/12/13 9:50 A

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LOL Shirl.

Just a bit of Thanksgiving humor...
Twas the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned --- The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation......
The thought of a snack became infatuation.....
So I raced to the kitchen, Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground !!

I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky....
With a mouthfull of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I sored past the trees....................

HAPPY EATING TO ALL !!
PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE !!

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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The following is for all the Canadians celebrating Thanksgiving this weekend. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Eddie in Dallas calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your mother and I are getting a divorce. I just can't take any more of her moaning. We can't stand the sight of each other any more. I'm telling you first, Eddie, because you are the eldest. Please tell your sister."

When Eddie calls his sister Julie, she says: "No way are they getting divorced. I'll go over and see them for Thanksgiving."

Julie phones her parents and tells them both "You must NOT get divorced. Promise you won't do anything until I get there. I'm calling Eddie, and we'll both be there with you tomorrow for Thanksgiving. Until then, don't take any action. Please listen to me," and hangs up.

The father puts down the phone and turns to his wife and says. "Good news, honey. Eddie and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving, and they're both paying their own way!"

Grins & Giggles
Shirl


Shirl

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That's right your Thanksgiving is coming up soon. Loved all the turkey funnies.

Hugs,
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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10/5/13 11:05 A

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hahaha Shirl...that was too funny!

True Stories From The Butterball Turkey Hotline,
where people call to get advice
how to cook a Turkey from the experts

* Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to
find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer
the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the
bird weighed. The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still
running around outside."

* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't
Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California
wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu

* Then there's the time a lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough
for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get
any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."


The Turkey Popped Out of the Oven

The Turkey popped out of the oven
and rocketed in to the air;
It knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor,
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
where there had never been turkey before..
It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl;
There wasn't a way I could stop it;
that turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scraped with displeasure
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I would never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.
written by Jack Prelutsky

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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Were all ready at our first silly Saturday of Oct. If you have a funny to share with us please join us here for a chuckle.

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.

"How was work, dear?" his wife asks.
"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks sweetly.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! Alright! Is that alright with you?
Can't I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.

Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself...
"Well, I guess it's that time of the month!"

Grins & Giggles
Shirl
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9/28/13 11:01 A

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Shirl...where has this month gone too???

Thanks for the giggles this morning.

Church Visitor

Gladys Dunn was new in town and decided to visit the church nearest to her new apartment.

She appreciated the pretty sanctuary and the music by the choir, but the sermon went on and on. Worse, it wasn't very interesting.

Glancing around, she saw many in the congregation nodding off.

Finally it was over.

After the service, she turned to a still sleepy-looking gentleman next to her, extended her hand and said, "I'm Gladys Dunn."

He replied, "You and me both."

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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Oh my gosh, we are at our last silly Saturday of Sept., boy this month went by fast. If you have a funny joke or story please share here with us to help us have some laughter today. Seeing we are into the football season thought this one would work.

The following is a college entrance exam for athletes.

Time Limit: 3 Days.

Write Your Name: ________________________________________
(20 point bonus if spelled correctly).

1. What language is spoken in Germany?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions - OR - Give the FIRST name of Michael Jordan.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to

____ (a) build a bridge
____ (b) lead an army or
____ (c) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)
____ (a) Jewish
____ (b) Catholic
____ (c) Hindu
____ (d) Polish

5. Advanced Math: How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 12?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far NORTH called?
____ (a) Westerners
____ (b) Southerners
____ (c) NORTHerners

9. Spell the name of the current President of the US. (George Bush)
_______________________________

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth.
Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?
____ (a) Wall Mart
____ (b) Kmart
____ (c) Canada
____ (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
____ (a) yes
____ (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for which country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in Capital Letters.

16. Where is the basement in a four story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
____ (a) Minnnesota
____ (b) Florida
____ (c) Canada
____ (d) Wisconsin

18. More advanced math. If you have three pears, how many pears do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
____ (a) B.C
____ (b) A.D.

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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9/21/13 10:15 A

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haha thanks Shirl.

Flying in the plane

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind." They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!"

Positive Bloggers

You are the creator of your own reality.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
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Well in our neck of the woods it'll soon be hunting season, so thought this story would fit right in. If you have a funny to share please join us here for a chuckle or two :)

These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. (emphasis on fool)

They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the
mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.

So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.

They called again, the bull answered closer to them. They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him"!

After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts -
"THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!"

The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass,
but you better start to "brace yourself!"


Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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9/14/13 8:34 A

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Good ones Jess and Wanda. We're heading into the middle of Sept. and only have two more silly Saturday's in this month.If anyone has a funny to share please join us here and help us have a laugh.

Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard.
One of the men walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.

He returned shortly and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."
"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a moment and said, "I'd better go check."

After a while, he returned to the office and said, -
"A long time. We're gonna build a house..."

Grins & Giggles
Shirl

Shirl

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Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
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Every day remind yourself of your own ability, of your good mind and affirm that you can make something really good out of your life. Norman Vincent Peale


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