I'm posing this Blog wondering if anyone will even see it or read it for the simple fact that I'm new to using SparkPeople.com. Until recently I was only using the smart phone app to track what I ate, drank, or how much I exercised. So I don't have may friends. But on to the question....
A year ago I came to the realization that I was in an unhappy marriage. I was almost 200 lbs. I'd lost myself some where along the line! I was no longer the snarky, fun loving, joking person I had always been. I had been with my soon to be ex-husband since I was 15 years old and thought I was stuck, but on May 30, 2010 I decided that I would not wake up at 40 unhappy, fat, and stuck! It was time to take ME back. I started walking....ALOT! It was my sanity! It was hard at first! I walked and walked. I thought and thought. The pound started to melt off. With the weight loss my confidence increased.
I moved forward in taking control of other parts of my life. It was hard...still is! At 34yo I decided to move in with my dad taking my two kids with me. THAT WAS A HARD DECISION!!! My dad has been one of my biggest supports (even though he doesn't talk much...haha). This past year has been an tough. An emotional roller coaster.
I met someone and thought it was good....it was for a little while. Things suddenly went south, which I thought was going to crush me. This may sound silly, but I've not had the experience of liars, cheaters, dating, etc., so it was all new to me! But my best friends propped me and I survived! The funny thing is looking back that relationship also resulted in me losing me! I did everything to try and make him happy even giving up my own happiness. I was again no longer snarky, fun-loving, or joking!
Right after this happened I decided to put all of my hurt and frustration into working on me. I started running and joined the gym. My Bestie asked me to go to the Dirty Girl 5K walk/run with her. I had actually agreed to this prior to the break up. I decided that even though the thought of running in front of other and doing military style obstacles scared the hell out me I was going to do it and have a damn good time doing it! And boy did I!!! I then ran a 5K last weekend. I initially thought "I'll just run as much as I can!" But then I decided to go a little further...and before I knew it I ran THE WHOLE THING!!! I finish with a time of 31.55
I've always been that person who worried about what others thought of me. Do they think I'm fat? Are they thinking I shouldn't be wear this? What are they saying about me? Are they going to think I'm pathetic that I live with my dad? Are they looking at my gross thighs and saying "What was she thinking?" But here's what I've noticed...as I get stronger I realize that I care a little less every day! Who cares....
Don't get me wrong...I still hate my thighs, but I'm a strong girl! So look at me, think what you will, but I'm making my future what I want it to be and never again will I lose myself or give up my happiness to make someone else happy. Walk a mile in my shoes baby then we'll talk.
So I wonder am I making life changes or is life changing me?
I'd love to hear thoughts or about struggles that others have overcome! I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for the strong woman in my life who've held me up and cheered me on. I want to pay it forward!
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