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MOBYCARP's Photo MOBYCARP SparkPoints: (146,636)
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4/28/13 7:52 P

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I took off 30+ pounds in the last half of 2011, and got lots of comments that I shouldn't lose more weight or lost too much. I don't think any of them were made out of jealousy. I think all of them were expressing concern about my health, as sudden weight loss at my age could be the result of a variety of health issues. I even had one person say she was afraid to compliment me on the weight loss in case it wasn't deliberate.

The comments slowly dried up over time. Now, a year and a half into maintenance, the same people who thought I lost too much or were concerned that I shouldn't lose more have apparently become accustomed to how I look now. I haven't heard a comment about having lost too much in several months. I can forgive comments about how I shouldn't lose more, because I've pretty much come to that conclusion based on how I feel when the weight drops below 160.

Anyway, that's my best thought for dealing with the comments about losing too much weight: Out-last them. Maintain the weight, make the trend go sideways, and eventually people will see the new you as the normal you.

Edited by: MOBYCARP at: 4/28/2013 (19:53)

- Kevin

"Discipline is remembering what you want. " - David Campbell

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SANDICANE's Photo SANDICANE Posts: 1,503
4/28/13 4:30 P

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Had a laugh today. We went to the cottage and our neighbour is a very fit, slim lady who eats very healthy. So this is the first time we've seen each other since last fall and she said I look FABULOUS! Well, just go figure....the rest of the world seems to think I look skinny, drawn and sick! tee hee hee.

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JESSIHOVER2's Photo JESSIHOVER2 SparkPoints: (7,570)
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4/26/13 6:37 P

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At my lowest weight pretty much everyone I came in contact said that I was too skinny. I guess at some point you really can get "too skinny". Once my doctor told me that I was too skinny I decided to gain some weight back, which is such a weird feeling.

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SANDICANE's Photo SANDICANE Posts: 1,503
4/15/13 8:14 P

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Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, that "cancer story" is very familiar to me! Even my dr began to wonder. But you know, I'm 57, have been a yo yo dietier all my life and when you wait until my age to lose 50 lbs for the last time, your skin doesn't fit as well as it used to. Unfortunate, but true. Now God did bless me with a thin face in the first place, so unless a person looked underneath my baggy clothing, they wouldn't have known I was 192 lbs. Now, my face does look gaunt, but I'm hoping with the summer weather coming, I'll look healthier.

(gee, even the checkout clerk at my corner grocery store is looking at me funny these days!!!)

Anyway, I still have to get the rest of this weight off from around my middle.
Cheers,
Sandi

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NDHAM5's Photo NDHAM5 SparkPoints: (49,686)
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3/9/13 2:07 P

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Thank you sooo much for your comment!! I really had begun to question what I wanted my goal to be, and had kinda become self conscious about looking "sickly", as some people have said to me. I had been kinda upping my calories to stay where I am,but just in the last few days, after really studying some articles and information on maintenance, I am going to go ahead and go for 158-160 as my goal weight to account for regain and stuff like that while transitioning to maintenance. The beauty of your comment right now is you seemed to just come along and confirm that for me!!! Thank you so much for that!!! I like what you said too, MY body, MY life, My weight!!!

Edited by: NDHAM5 at: 3/9/2013 (14:08)
God is good and faithful!!


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SEMISWEETCHICK's Photo SEMISWEETCHICK SparkPoints: (13,052)
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3/9/13 11:22 A

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Congratulations on your weight loss, ndham5! You truly are an inspiration!

I went through exactly what you're going through, in terms of getting negative comments about weight loss. In 1994, I lost over 30 pounds and developed a very lean body by working with a personal trainer 5 days a week (long story). Anyway, I'm 5' 10", and when I reached 165 (which is on the high end of BMI for my height), people began telling me I looked "too thin." When I reached 160, friends and relatives started coming up to me and asking me if I had cancer or something because I "look(ed) so gaunt." I know they were well-intended, but these comments were hurtful because: a) I was not "gaunt" (I had a very toned and sexy body, frankly!), and b) it diminished my ability to enjoy my success and the look of my figure.

I finally caved in and allowed myself to gain 10 pounds (putting me at 170) because my closest associates agreed I "looked best" at that weight. However, I didn't "feel my best" at that weight, and to this day I regret listening to them. MY body, MY weight, MY life.. I should have done what I wanted and not listened to the others.

Try not to let the negative comments get you down. YOU do what's best for YOU. My personal opinion is that the negative commenters simply are jealous. You look great, and they feel threatened by that. Try not to feel self-conscious. As the people around you get used to your new weight, they'll come to accept it as your "norm," and the negativity should dissipate. Hang in there!

~B

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NDHAM5's Photo NDHAM5 SparkPoints: (49,686)
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1/17/13 3:04 P

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Unfortunately it's really sad that people sometimes get a kick out of saying something negative instead of positive. Keep up the good work and keep your head up!! You are definitely not alone :)

God is good and faithful!!


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JEP923's Photo JEP923 SparkPoints: (21,377)
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1/17/13 1:46 P

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I know it's been about a month since anyone commented on this, but I just found it and it really resonated with me. I have gotten a few of those "the wind is going to blow you away" or "you've lost enough weight now" comments recently, which realistically, I know that I am way far away from being too small (5'6" 159 - dancing on the edge of a healthy BMI), but it did hit a nerve for me. I felt like those comments had to be about their issues rather than mine, but reading that so many of you have had the same experience just confirms it for me.

Oddly, there are some people who have heard those comments directed at me and said, "Gosh, I wish someone would say that about me," as if it were some kind of weird compliment. If complimenting me was their goal, they didn't do a very good job at it!

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MKELLY72's Photo MKELLY72 Posts: 1,926
12/17/12 2:46 P

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Nell- I love that visual!
Thanks for sharing that :)

Michelle

Highest weight: 248 August 2010
Reached goal weight of 148 Feb 23, 2012
1/29/14-Gained back 20-peeling it off!



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NELLJONES's Photo NELLJONES SparkPoints: (205,183)
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12/17/12 2:13 P

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Krystal, have you ever been in the ocean? When the waves come up, if you stand they'll knock you over and tumble you up onto the shore, but if you bend down they go over you and you can then stand up and watch it roll up and peter out on the shore. Let your MIL's word go over you, picture it in your mind, watch yourself stand up behind them and watch them peter themselves out. Sometimes a picture really helps. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

Nell

No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.

Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.


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KRYSTALGEM85's Photo KRYSTALGEM85 SparkPoints: (9,283)
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12/17/12 11:26 A

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My MIL is always saying something but she is a negative person. It is never out of concern just jealousy. It always bothers me and she says it like she is kidding but i don't like it. She will always see you better eat a damn piece of pie like she is mad at my weightloss. She has not been happy with her weight in along time but they go out 4plus times a week and drink like beer is going to run out. It is frustrating when people get upset about it or jealous because i never flaunt or anything. I have worked hard i could see if they worked just as hard with no results. Ok sorry went on a rant lol my husbands family have been driving me crazy with this subject actually lol. I told my husband if his brother called me skinny or invisable one more time! lol
Let it go though i really try, for those couple negative comments you get you will get a dozen to be inspired. That is what these forums are for someome understands and we can life eachother up

You are beautiful. Everything about you, makes you a amazing treasured child of god. Don't let anyone make you feel like less.


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NELLJONES's Photo NELLJONES SparkPoints: (205,183)
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12/8/12 8:59 A

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I am thin now and have been thin for so long that few remember me as fat. I do, however, watch every bite that I eat. Most people with weight issues assume that as thin as I am now, I can eat whatever THEY would want to eat if they were as thin as I am. I just tell them that I was the "fat girl" in high school. They look askance, but it's true. I change any discussion from "weight" to "food", a topic that everyone can excitedly participate in.

One of the things I learned in my fat high school days is "Never let them see you hurt". In those days I carried the pain of slurs, of exclusion, of abuse, with a smile, then went home and ate in secret. I can still get those slurs about other things, but the discipline of never letting them see me hurt has served me well. That was why WW meetings were so valuable: in that safe place I could talk about it, get the hugs and the support on this issue. There are people with whom I cannot discuss my political beliefs or my religious beliefs, too, but that's OK. I just smile and get to the places where I CAN discuss those things. I don't need to convince other people of anything. It's very freeing.

Nell

No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.

Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.


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ONEWEIGH's Photo ONEWEIGH Posts: 1,138
12/7/12 11:53 P

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Nell, what gets me glares is when THEY'RE talking about weight, etc and I join in. It happens at work and I sometimes I feel like saying, "Guys, don't you remember? I used to be much bigger!" After all, some of these folks knew me through the prednisone moon-face years! emoticon

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NDHAM5's Photo NDHAM5 SparkPoints: (49,686)
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12/7/12 9:15 P

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You know it's funny, I never thought about other people's insecurities. Me being me, when I was overweight, I was always happy for those who had weight loss successes, and I wanted to hear their story and how they did it! You all have given me great encouragement!!

God is good and faithful!!


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NANCYANNE55's Photo NANCYANNE55 SparkPoints: (84,135)
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12/7/12 5:55 P

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I had this happen enough that I actually blogged about it: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
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nal_individual.asp?blog_id=4405276


Nancy Anne

My blog, about my personal experience and opinions of fitness related stuff: itallmakesadifference.blogspot.com/


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ELECTRALYTE's Photo ELECTRALYTE Posts: 10,207
12/7/12 2:42 P

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I know also, for older women like myself, our faces look different when we lose a large amount of weight.
My overweight sis looks way younger than us younger sisters. . Less wrinkles etc. That's one thing people notice for sure.


“it's been up to me to inspire me.”
~ Eric Clapton ~

"Atheism is a non-prophet
organization"
~George Carlin~

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
~Jimi Hendrix~

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality."
~John Lennon~

70 lbs. done!


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NELLJONES's Photo NELLJONES SparkPoints: (205,183)
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12/7/12 2:08 P

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Oneweigh, I get glares when I talk about ANYTHING someone else doesn't want to talk about, whether it's weight loss and food or anything else. Ever watch men when the women start talking about childbirth? For some reason we aren't as sensitive to the people who "gotta go" when the topic turns to artificial nails as we are to the same reaction regarding our weight loss.

Nell

No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.

Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.


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ZENNITH's Photo ZENNITH SparkPoints: (23,215)
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12/7/12 12:37 P

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MKELLY72 has hit the nail on the head! Others have said it's a question of the speed you are perceived to lose at, I agree.
For me the negative comments are hard to deal with too.

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ONEWEIGH's Photo ONEWEIGH Posts: 1,138
12/7/12 11:26 A

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I haven't had any really negative comments, though I get glared at a bit when I talk about weight/eating with people who are still overweight. I don't think they realize how hard I work to stay this size! I did have someone at church ask cautiously if my weight loss was intentional before telling me I looked good. He's just an aquaintance and he has lost substantial weight himself, but he wanted to make sure I wasn't sick before he complimented me. Once upon a time, when I was losing weight the WRONG way--through depresstion and just not eating--my doctor told me that I needed to stop losing weight for a month to prove to him that I was controling my weight and that my weight wasn't controlling me. I was dancing on the edge of anorexia, though I wasn't close to being underweight.

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LOGOULD's Photo LOGOULD SparkPoints: (89,767)
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12/6/12 11:49 P

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I don't mind the negative comments so much as long as they aren't accompanied by someone trying to sabotage my healthy eating.


"Success is the result of what you do when the Woo Hoo is all through....."-ON2VICTORY (Robert)

"The miracle isn't that I finished...the miracle is I had the courage to start." - John 'The Penguin



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12/6/12 9:34 P

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I get this from my family all the time. My dad is obsessed with making me eat "better foods" ie meat and potatoes. Just have to smile and move on.

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OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 8,327
12/6/12 8:41 P

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I think people also worry for others about their starving themselves and ending up gaining all the weight back because they pushed themselves too far.

If anyone says anything, I tell them the truth: I am not trying to lose weight. I still love food. I just don't like the feeling of overeating very much anymore. This body is what happens when I rarely overeat. emoticon

*"The goal of weight loss is incompatible with recovering from disordered eating." Center for Clinical Interventions
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NDHAM5's Photo NDHAM5 SparkPoints: (49,686)
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12/6/12 7:19 P

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I know I feel good in my skin for maybe the first time in my life? So I guess, it's something I should get used to and come up with a nice reply to what is perceived by me as a negative comment! All I know is I did a lot of hard work to get to this point and it feels soooooo gooood!! :))

God is good and faithful!!


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NELLJONES's Photo NELLJONES SparkPoints: (205,183)
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12/6/12 7:13 P

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I've been at goal for a long time, but a couple of years ago my hubby had a couple of strokes, and broke his leg. The leg took two surgeries, lots of home nursing care over 4 months, and a month of home administered IV antibiotics. The stress of it knocked another 6 pounds off me. Lots of people initially warned me not to get too thin, but after awhile they stopped noticing. I am just waiting for the day when I inevitably regain some weight back up to my goal, there will be people asking if I've gained weight! Frankly I have no idea why my appearance would be of any interest to anyone. I think I am only concerned about what I perceive as criticism if at some level I think they may be right, or I want them to be right. I have absolutely no qualms about my weight, not even teeny ones, so comments from others go in one ear and out the other.

Nell

No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.

Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.


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SKIRNIR's Photo SKIRNIR Posts: 5,174
12/6/12 6:54 P

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I do believe a lot of it is what people get used to. I also got comments telling me not to loose anymore weight. Jokes about a big gust of wind will blow me over. I am smack in the middle of a healthy bmi for maybe the first time in my life and I am not too light. So understand that people are used to seeing you heavier and also, some seemed to see my weight loss as somewhat of a judgement of them and their obesity too. It was not meant to be that.

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ELECTRALYTE's Photo ELECTRALYTE Posts: 10,207
12/6/12 6:31 P

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I have a sister that is 4 years older than I am. She was much more obese than I was too. She got bypass surgery, I started SP.
Now we are the same height and wear the same size (8) and everyone tells me I look fantastic, then turn to her in the same breath and tell her to stop losing weight! She is getting too thin.
I think some people just look so different all of a sudden that it freaks peeps out??? I don't know. I think we both look (and feel) great. emoticon

“it's been up to me to inspire me.”
~ Eric Clapton ~

"Atheism is a non-prophet
organization"
~George Carlin~

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
~Jimi Hendrix~

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality."
~John Lennon~

70 lbs. done!


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AMARILYNH's Photo AMARILYNH SparkPoints: (154,893)
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12/6/12 6:08 P

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I get this too, plus lots of comments like 'you are so slim, you don't need to worry about it!' (when I am careful about what I eat.) I just smile and say this time I don't intend to regain weight like I always did before. Somehow people seem to think that once you are to goal weight you should be able to eat ANYTHING (especially since I walk so much.) I am quick to tell them that I can't!!

Marilyn in LaGrange, GA (EST)
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NDHAM5's Photo NDHAM5 SparkPoints: (49,686)
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12/6/12 5:36 P

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Thanks guys!!! You are all awesome!!! I will just have to get used to this new "normal", it is just so weird to hear "TOO SMALL?!?!?"

God is good and faithful!!


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MKELLY72's Photo MKELLY72 Posts: 1,926
12/6/12 5:28 P

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Yep- I got (and still get) them too. I started hearing it when I was around 180, which I wasn't expecting. I just smiled too, and said that I must carry it well, because I'm still about 30 pounds overweight. Now I get people thinking I'm still losing weight (I've maintained the same 4 pound window for 9 months now)-I think part of it is their perception- another factor - I think anyway- is the shift in "average" body sizes. When you look at the population where you work- like I have- the average size of the women at work is in some cases substantially larger than I am now- I used to be one of the largest women where I work. Americans, as a population, have gotten bigger on average because of the easily available processed foods and the low levels of physical activity that our modern lives require, and when a handful of us finally wake up out of that fog of accepting that new "normal" it challenges those who are still in the fog. We, by comparison, are "too thin", even though, really we are not.
I wonder if they need to make themselves feel better for remaining in that unhealthy fog, and I try not to take it personally, although sometimes it's easier than other times. I wonder though, when people will get used to the new me and stop telling me I'm too thin. And it really rubs me the wrong way when someone says, "are you still on your diet?
IT WAS NEVER A DIET, PEOPLE!
The comments come less frequently now than they did when I first reached my goal, and I've recently started to get a lot of expressions of congratulations on keeping the weight off, so that's a nice thing to look forward to.

Edited by: MKELLY72 at: 12/6/2012 (17:30)
Michelle

Highest weight: 248 August 2010
Reached goal weight of 148 Feb 23, 2012
1/29/14-Gained back 20-peeling it off!



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ZIRCADIA's Photo ZIRCADIA SparkPoints: (49,130)
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12/6/12 5:08 P

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I started getting those comments when I was still over 200lbs! Like 220ish, 210ish. I think people were used to seeing me at 290 so what the heck do they know! :P I'm like, people - I'm still over 200lbs. Thanks, but calm down. I'm just trying to be a healthy weight for my height, I promise not to go below that!

`*Dana*`

6'2"

SP Start Date - 1/15/2007 Starting Weight - 290
Ending Weight - 185

I AM A MARATHONER!


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POPSY190's Photo POPSY190 Posts: 4,548
12/6/12 5:06 P

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I had comments recently from in-laws who hadn't seen me for a while. "Too thin" was the main one, plus "I couldn't eat what you eat, I'd put on weight". (I eat a huge amount of leafy vegetables, other veges and fruit.) These comments came from people who have their own lifestyle issues and I think I was a bit of a living reproach to them! I just say, "Well, it works for me." and smile, sweetly I hope!!

Penny, Christchurch, NZDT GMT+12

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Genealogists live in the past lane.
The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better.


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PHEBESS's Photo PHEBESS Posts: 31,987
12/6/12 4:56 P

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I haven't (except from my husband, who likes chubby women) - but a friend lost a lot of weight, and got to a point where people kept telling her to stop losing. She hit a size 9/10, which was pretty thin for her height and bone structure - so she decided that size 10/12 was probably best for her.

But she would just smile, tell people "thank you for your concern", and walk away and ignore them.

"Dance as if no one is watching."


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12/6/12 4:55 P

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I've had this happen. Hell, I've even had my own mother tell me I shouldn't lose any more weight. Two things. 1) For me, it isn't about the weight or the number on the scale. It's about how I feel. And if I'm energized, stronger, happier, etc. at a lower number, than so be it. And, 2) Haters gonna hate. Don't listen to it. You gotta take the positive and let go of the negative. Easier said than done at times, but well worth it.


-Adam

"All component things in the world are changeable. They are not lasting. Work hard to gain your own salvation." - Buddha
CATMAGNET's Photo CATMAGNET SparkPoints: (38,918)
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12/6/12 4:50 P

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I haven't, but I've definitely had negative reactions to the exercise I do/have done to lose the weight and maintain. Don't they realize that although most of it is what we eat, exercise plays a role too? And if I enjoy everything I do, shouldn't I enjoy it in peace?

I think there's just people out there that have so little going on in their lives or need to escape their own lives that they have to manage someone else's...unfortunate, but true.

Don't listen to the haters! Chin up! :)

Jane

Camp Good Grief 5k 2012 - 31:50
Gobble Wobble 5k 2012 - 30:00
Turkey Trot 4 Mile Race 2012 - 38:38
Ugly Sweater 5k Fun Run 2012 - 27:19
Move-It Memphis 10K 2013 - 55:36
Germantown Half Marathon - 2:08:53
FedEx St. Jude Classic Fairway 5k - 4/13/2013
Pittsburgh Half-Marathon - 5/5/2013


NDHAM5's Photo NDHAM5 SparkPoints: (49,686)
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12/6/12 4:33 P

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So I have lost 90 pounds, over a 22 month period. It's been slow, and not always steady on the scale. But I finally feel great!! But....something has happened I didn't see coming, I am starting to get sort of negative comments that I am losing too much or that I am too small. Now I weigh 165 pounds and I am 5'7" tall. So I am not nearly too skinny. I am wearing about a size 10/12 pants and a small to medium top. At first most people gave me lots of compliments, but now all I am hearing is that I am losing too much. I have been transitioning to maintenance and I am adding more calories, carefully( ie healthy, quality calories) to my daily caloric intake. People don't seem to understand you just don't push a button and stop losing, it is a transition! Anyone else had this experience, I am beginning to get a little self conscious about being too small.....didn't that coming!!!!!

Edited by: NDHAM5 at: 12/6/2012 (16:34)
God is good and faithful!!


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