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SLENDERELLA518's Photo SLENDERELLA518 Posts: 154
10/16/10 11:15 A

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DR. GOULD SAYS: If you've been using food to shut down rather than transcend your critical conscience (because you don't want to hear its perfectionistic self-accusations about your worth, your adultness, your style, your friends, your anger, your lovableness, your values, your impulses or its pessimistic projections about your dreams, your ambition, and your ability to handle life), you've stopped or seriously slowed down the natural and necessary separation from your critical conscience. You may have quieted the strong critical voice when it acts up too vigorously by eating, but you remain stuck with its criticisms and demands as soon as the food gets digested.

Sue


Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (NIV)


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7/5/09 9:02 A

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Powerlessness?
hmmm. I am poweless over this emotional eating. I have lots of baggage-resentments, fears,etc. They get in my way between me and God. If you look at p39, Dr Gould talks about parents-"they represented God, the source of all knowledge and substenance. Since your parents constituted your whole world, you figured you would keep them with you." At this age, I know there is a God(higher power)who loves me. Since I know I am powerless, I give up my self will. Woohoo!!

Pam :)

"May you live everyday of your life." J. Swift



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RACHELRB's Photo RACHELRB Posts: 1,485
4/6/09 9:19 A

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Femme Bella- I hear you. However, how long does the trance, sugar kick last? How will you feel when it is over? Will you then have a job? Will you feel better about yourself as a person? Instead if you chose to recognize that the food trance won't buy you anything, how much better will you feel about yourself as a person?

Edited by: RACHELRB at: 4/6/2009 (09:19)
If you win 51% of the battles you have won the war.
FB_000's Photo FB_000 Posts: 1,271
4/6/09 5:24 A

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I've read in many other sources the difference between external and internal powerfulness.

I do not have power over the economy and being unemployed. I do have power over how I deal with this and my reactions in job interviews.

Though I understand this intellectually, I still feel POWERLESS as I continue to be unemployed and feel the anxiety, worry, and fear of possible bankruptcy. I would much rather be in a food trance, and get a sugar kick.

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RACHELRB's Photo RACHELRB Posts: 1,485
1/16/09 11:02 P

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oolala,
Don't beat yourself up over 5 lbs. Rejoice in the fact that you recognize you are eating because of a relationship stress. Could you have done that last year? Would you have even realized what was going on? Relationship stresses happen for us all the time. Even the best relationships have challenges. Think about how you want to handle the next one in your emotions so you have some ides in the back of your mind when the next one comes up.

If you win 51% of the battles you have won the war.
OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 8,370
1/11/09 10:56 P

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Ladyiris,

Thanks for your support. I have had a few students return, but not many..we won't go there! I'm not giving up yet, as I like having a decent paycheck, and feel especially lucky during this downturn. It's good that I can earn and spend-but not on too much food! I keep thinking I will stumble on something pivotal that will help me establish easy but effective routines for my students and me, or there will be slow changes. One of the two will happen. Most of all, eating won't reduce whatever powerlessness I feel!


emoticon

*"The goal of weight loss is incompatible with recovering from disordered eating." Center for Clinical Interventions
*The No S Diet saved my emotional life! Four years and counting. nosdiet.com/ *Be happy with this moment. This moment is your life.
*Get to the next meal hungry!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp


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LADYIRIS313's Photo LADYIRIS313 Posts: 926
1/10/09 5:30 P

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OOLALA53, also about your feeling powerlessness as a teacher - I can only imagine! I had the good fortune to be a T/A for my anthropology professor and for the first time in my life I experienced how frustrating teaching can be -- and those were college students! I would imagine teaching young students would be far more difficult because you have more bureaucracy to juggle and parents to deal with! But it can try your last nerve when you have worked so hard to teach them, only to have them seem to ignore it, and you. I hope that you get some appreciation, some thank you's ... preferably from students who come back later to tell you how much you matter. Teaching is MOST noble. You plant seeds that you may never see grow, but you most assuredly change lives - every single day. *pats you on the back* And when you consciously choose to take care of yourself, I know you feel stronger in your own self. Perhaps, if you have gotten 'thank you' notes, or gifts at the end of term, put them all together in a little shrine to yourself. I know, it sounds weird - but sometimes you need to be able to access those moments, to recall how much good you DO in those students' lives. Just reading a little "you're the best!" note once in a while can really lift those flagging spirits.

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us
are looking at the stars"

Oscar Wilde


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LADYIRIS313's Photo LADYIRIS313 Posts: 926
1/10/09 5:22 P

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OOLALA53, I think it is amazing and brave and a real sign of progress that you can focus back on yourself after only 5 pounds and a handful of days. A big disappointment stings. No one likes feeling like their personal love life is flailing (or failing). I say it dredges up every dog you've ever loved that died and every play yard rejection. All the bruises seem to come to the surface once again. But the trick, I believe, is rebounding. BRAVO that you are doing just that. It is hard to internalize that just because someone didn't love you properly, that "you" are unlovable. This chapter reminded me that we all have this "nagging, scolding parent" figure in our brains and boy does that thing start to scream like a mashed cat when we are wounded! But, what it says isn't true - its always a bad exaggeration. Just knowing that, I believe, helps.

My parents were infants during the great depression. They had children late in life, and I realized just last night that I don't think I every fully relaxed - took a deep breath or exhaled - until I moved away from my hometown. They weren't bad parents, but they were very rightfully scared for their very lives early in their life. They grew up hearing doomsday, how they could starve or if they got sick and couldn't afford a doctor, they would surely die. I have felt that I was almost born with trepidation in my DNA. While I've taken many chances in my life (changing careers, quitting a hateful government job to return to college), taken far more risks than my parents or my sibling, if ANY little thing goes awry, I beat myself over the emotions with a virtual sledgehammer. I 'inherited' their fear, and I realize now I swallowed Powerlessness whole, with a side of pasta and cheese! But we don't have to accept these false realities. That is great comfort, don't you think???

Berni
emoticon

Edited by: LADYIRIS313 at: 1/10/2009 (17:24)
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us
are looking at the stars"

Oscar Wilde


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OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 8,370
1/3/09 12:47 P

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Five months after my last post here and I'm reporting the same behavior, different cause. Cause is basically irrelevant. I've gained five pounds, pants are tight, etc. But, I'm coming out of it. It was over what seems like a failing love relationship. Intellectually, I know that having someone not love me back is not a reflection of my lovability, worthiness, attractiveness, etc., but it took several days for me to find my way to that emotional foundation. I would love to have the right man in my life, but if I don't...I've got things to do! (One dating book I read said in a chapter on trying to convince women not to sit around stressing about their relationships, "Don't you have a drawer to clean out?" How about a whole garage! But I started on my sock drawer and it extended to six narrow closet drawers and two night table drawers. Now I'll get "Christmas" put away. Instead of washing that man out of my hair, I'm going to de-clutter him out of my house! Or at least my thoughts, for awhile.


emoticon

*"The goal of weight loss is incompatible with recovering from disordered eating." Center for Clinical Interventions
*The No S Diet saved my emotional life! Four years and counting. nosdiet.com/ *Be happy with this moment. This moment is your life.
*Get to the next meal hungry!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp


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SUCCESS870's Photo SUCCESS870 Posts: 385
11/1/08 1:37 P

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I'm a very independent person, very self-assured, at least I've always thought so, but there is one area that I'm starting to realize may be bringing about the feeling of powerlessness. My height.
I am 5'0 tall and besides wearing heels there is nothing I can do to make me taller. There are so many things in this life that I can change but that is not one of them and it's frustrating and I am powerless to do ANYTHING about it.
At times I feel left out, unheard, ignored, etc...because of my height. I wonder sometimes if it's all in my head but then some wise-ass will walk up to me and say "wow, you're really short, small, tiny, etc" and it's annoying.
Some days it doesn't bother me and I just say "yes, I am" but some days I just want to and do say, "no sh*t sherlock, so what".
Anyways...I think this is an issue I will need to address, rethink, reassess, etc with the help of this book.
I'll keep posting, I'm here for the long haul!

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OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 8,370
10/5/08 10:37 A

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Another area I feel powerless in is in certain areas of my work as a teacher. When students talk back, are sarcastic, or constantly getting the others off-task, I feel helpless. I've never felt I've learned adequately how to deal with these kids. I'm not actually asking here for suggestions. Believe me, I've tried a lot. Besides, the issue is how I deal with the feeling of powerlessness, not madly trying not to be powerless. Sometimes, it has to be okay to accept that we cannot change a situation, at least not immediately, and that it is not a reason to eat. Wooohooo, that sounds simple, but hard. Scarfing down chocolate sure seems like a good idea at the time. I've got to remember how much better I'll feel if I get beyond the urge without giving in, not to mention that it will become less strong the less I reinforce it by giving in.

*"The goal of weight loss is incompatible with recovering from disordered eating." Center for Clinical Interventions
*The No S Diet saved my emotional life! Four years and counting. nosdiet.com/ *Be happy with this moment. This moment is your life.
*Get to the next meal hungry!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp


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VAVAVIOLINA's Photo VAVAVIOLINA Posts: 47
9/29/08 9:07 A

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pg 41 "Under normal, healthy circumstances, you wouldn't have continued honoring those same rigid rules forever"......pg 42 "...so anytime you create your own rules and challenge the rigid strictures that you've been living by, in a sense you are standing up to your parents and living on your own..."

This really hit home for me......My home life growing up was stressful and at times I wasn't sure if my Mom really loved me. As an adult I am full of should bes and ought tos and have been at a loss to figure out where they came from....and this chapter is helping me make connections....Of course I don't want to let my "inner parent" go for I think it was a much needed stable influence on me-I was always afraid to defy my Mom so as to not hurt her, and I see now it is because I didn't want to "lose" her love, that I wasn't even really sure that I had in the first place.

...So now I work on reinterpretations....I had an interesting experience this weekend. I was at a party and embarrassed someone inadvertently...Instead of going to the "I'm a horrible person place" I had another thought that I'm human and not perfect. I don't make a habit of embarrassing people! Now I am kind of arguing with myself that I'm human....It's better than eating, I guess.

So Far......

I've lost 26 pounds

6 inches off my hips

5 1/4 inches off my waist

1 1/2 inch off my neck

4 1/2 inches off my bust


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JIBBIE49's Photo JIBBIE49 Posts: 56,160
7/30/08 12:37 A

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At least you are AWARE of eating the M&M's, which is a plus.

Wonderful that you got a professional organizer. I think when we procrastinate about any area, it is best to PAY someone to get it done for us, or at least work with us so we can stay on-task.

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7/29/08 11:05 P

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Oolala - either way you are making progress and that is the thing to focus on!

~Shannon


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OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 8,370
7/29/08 8:23 P

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Update: the concrete and floor finish was applied today in my abode. I started yesterday with a professional organizer and am continuing with her tomorrow. I also took care of a box of papers by myself today. All this excitement didn't keep my from eating peanut M&M's by the handful! Or maybe because of it?

*"The goal of weight loss is incompatible with recovering from disordered eating." Center for Clinical Interventions
*The No S Diet saved my emotional life! Four years and counting. nosdiet.com/ *Be happy with this moment. This moment is your life.
*Get to the next meal hungry!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp


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SHANNONSNAIL's Photo SHANNONSNAIL SparkPoints: (0)
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7/28/08 4:52 P

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pg 45 "You've begun to see that it's you who makes you feel powerless."

So many times I have been frustrated with others because of how they made me feel. In reading this book I've realized that I have power in how I react to what others say or do. I don't have to let it make me feel a certain way about myself. I can instead choose to look at the situation more objectively to ensure I'm being realistic but even if I am being realistic I can still choose not to let the comments or actions affect me in negative ways.

~Shannon


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JIBBIE49's Photo JIBBIE49 Posts: 56,160
7/13/08 1:20 A

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Wendie, I so can identify with you and what you are saying. Procrastination is about FEAR and I have always been horrible about it. Thank heaven, my dd, Maggie is just the opposite as she FEARS NOT getting it done, so she starts right NOW. She has a report done three weeks before it is do, otherwise she can't stand having it "on her list." We have already gone to the store and gotten all her school supplies for her Senior year, so that is "off her list."

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OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 8,370
7/9/08 2:34 P

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Actually, I've procrastinated on this for a few years and I have to get it done now by the beginning of August, so we are down to the wire. I've got a girlfriend's boyfriend (a good guy-I've known him a year) telling me his contractor friend is very reliable and honest-he is bidding thousands of dollars less than the other contractor who also came highly recommended. thus the dilemma. It would almost be easier if the bidding was closer. But I want this started next week and they can both start then. I just hate telling the pricier one that he didn't get the job, and of course, I don't want to be sorry! Gawd, this being an adult can be the pits! Mommy!

*"The goal of weight loss is incompatible with recovering from disordered eating." Center for Clinical Interventions
*The No S Diet saved my emotional life! Four years and counting. nosdiet.com/ *Be happy with this moment. This moment is your life.
*Get to the next meal hungry!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp


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WEN@TBAY's Photo WEN@TBAY Posts: 752
7/9/08 8:24 A

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Yes, procrastination is a big trigger for me as well. I always thought that I was just lazy and a procrastinator and that just dialed up the stress in my life and made me a disorganized, frazzled mess.

But as I have been reading the book, especially chapter 3, I have begun to notice that what is underneath the procrastination is a sense of powerlessness --usually I am stuck and paralyzed by some kind of fear: Fear that I don't know what I'm doing, fear that I'll make a mistake, fear that I won't make the right decision, fear that everything will go badly etc., etc. I also usually feel overwhelmed by the size and scope of the project. Its just "too big & scary" and /or too much of a hassle for me to deal.
I have found that the only way to overcome that fear is by taking small positive actions in order to reduce my fears.

OhhLaLa, if I use your example of the foundation work that needs to get done, some small positive steps that I might take would be to talk to some friends or neighbors that have recently had work done and might be able to recommend someone, look up some folks online and or in the phone book and research their companies, ie: how long they've been in business, make sure their licenced, bonded & insured, etc., request a client referral list for their last 6 local jobs, call and or go to see a couple of their last clients / job sites, and choose the top 3 to give me a quote / estimate on the job.

This process could take 6 days, 6 weeks or 6 months, depending on the priority that I give it and the severity of the issue that needs to be fixed. That gives me time to do my homework, which reduces my anxiety level and increases my confidence level. I would also probably make a list of what needed to be done first and then promise myself to do 1 or 2 chores off the list each week.

Another part of procrastination for me is just my personality and my motivation. I did an exercize recently about the 4 main types of folks and what motivates them and one was the power broker, who wanted control, one was the researcher who wanted the facts, one I can't recall and I was the one who was all about the fun! ( I wanted enjoyment, applause and rainbows and ponies!) When I saw that in black and white I had to laugh. But I've also found that if I mix some fun into my work / chores / projects I don't rebell / procrastinate as much. I do it in a variety of ways: schedule breaks, plan in some fun me time, break it down into manageable bites, and give myself rewards along the way for a job well done. I tried to explain this to my DH ( control / power / completion guy!) and he just doesn;t get it. My daughter is the same way. She will do ANYTHING as long as it is a game / competition or there is a big fun reward at the end (even a simple trip to the beach or a bike ride and a swim afterward). SO I am learning to treat my inner child like the kid that she is and i am getting more done and having more fun. Try it!

: ) Wendie

Edited by: WEN@TBAY at: 7/9/2008 (08:24)
Life is a gift! Tear into it!!!

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OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 8,370
7/9/08 12:48 A

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This chapter on powerlessness seems very appropriate to me right now. I have been eating a lot over the last few days. Some of it has to do with a medication that I ran out of, but I know a lot of it has to do with some work I have to get done on my house. I need to have the foundation in 500 sq. feet completely redone. This means taking out everything that is on the floor, removing the flooring, which I love, removing the slab that is cracked and having a new slab made. I've been procrastinating because I hate all the hassle and I don't want to make the wrong decision in choosing someone to do the work. I've also been caught up over dating issues. I know in the end I just have to make a decision, go forward, and deal with the consequences, whether it has to do with my house or my love life.

*"The goal of weight loss is incompatible with recovering from disordered eating." Center for Clinical Interventions
*The No S Diet saved my emotional life! Four years and counting. nosdiet.com/ *Be happy with this moment. This moment is your life.
*Get to the next meal hungry!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp


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JIBBIE49's Photo JIBBIE49 Posts: 56,160
7/1/08 6:26 P

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You make yourself feel powerless.
Impossible standards - overly HARSH conscience.
Conscience needs to be reformed and remodeled.
Conscience should be VALUE and INTEGRITY.

These are the notes I wrote on Page 45 in my book. I've written all through my book and marked it with a Yellow Marker like a textbook, because I have been "studying it." It is a course in "ME". emoticon

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SHANNONSNAIL's Photo SHANNONSNAIL SparkPoints: (0)
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6/12/08 9:05 P

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Please use this thread to discuss Chapter 3 of Shrink Yourself

~Shannon


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