Self-doubt is swirling around in me off and on big-time these days, as I volunteered to teach a course new to me, went to a training, and found out that I am in, if not over my head, then certainly up to my chin. I will very likely have to go back to working very long hours just to stay up with the material. However, I haven't been getting a lot of hunger messages over it. I'm still on my way home from the course; hope they stay away when I return.
*"The goal of weight loss is incompatible with recovering from disordered eating." Center for Clinical Interventions *The No S Diet saved me from my emotional eating defeats. Five years and counting! nosdiet.com/ *Be happy with this moment. This moment is your life. *Get to the next meal hungry! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i ndividual.asp
1,956 Days since: I began the NO S lifestyle
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This chapter has my name all over it. I love p. 48 "If you 're an emotional eater, every time you aren't good enough, you become hungry. Feeling inadequate is a pwerful phantom hunger stimualant." p.49 "As you furerh delve into all of this you may sicvor that single biggest problem standing between you and a thin body is a harsh veiw of yourself." I also like the phrase "Hurting Yourself because someone else hurt you." It is that judgement about it that hurts you. I also like the idea about slowing down your thoughts. Why is your husband sitting in his chair not saying anything? Did he have a bad day? It is not all about me all the time. Why do I misinterpret and take things personally? I love how Harriet is refered to as your "super ego". You could rename her as Self Will.
Dr. Gould's method to deal with self-doubt reminds me of my therapy in Cognitive Behavioral techniques - basically the same idea.
I have another book "Mind Over Mood" by Greenberger. In it there are templates for dealing with your self-talk. These templates have fields to write down your self-talk, write down evidence for that thought, alternative explanations, etc.
It's amazing how different things seem when you have to write your self-talk down, then play devil's advocate and write down alternative ideas. The process of writing it down makes it real. Playing devil's advocate helps to get out of your emotions and think rationally about what you are saying to yourself.
In essence, you are being your own best friend, but on paper.
This is a really powerful chapter that points out how we let that nagging voice in our head sabotage us. I had to laugh at the idea of naming it Harry/Harriett -- I always called it the 'mom voice' -- not necessarily my literal mom, but the scolding/nagging universal parent. Isn't it funny how that voice is ostensibly to remind us to do better, but what it actually does is tear down our self-esteem and our resolve.
Yes, I agree it is a vicious cycle. Simply noticing when & how we speak negatively about ourselves to ourselves and stopping it can have a profound effect. A good pal of mine will call me on it if I verbalize that negative opinion by saying, "oh, that isn't true, please don't talk about my best friend that way!" Imagine, if we could start thinking of ourselves in that way ... I think we all probably cut our dear friends a lot more slack than we give ourselves.
I liked the entire chapter, but 2 bits I really liked: Page 50 "Anyone can be a Buddha on a mountaintop with no one or nothing around to trigger them. It's the person who can be a Buddha at their mother-in-law's kitchen table who is more likely to reach enlightenment." [amen to that] and Page 58: "Every time you create a false link between the event (e.g. a rejection or disappointment & the conclusion that there must be something wrong with you to explain why this is happening), you feed the self-doubt power. Every time you spend time thinking about and analyzing the situation to understand the real-life complex cause, you stay in the real world. The initial misinterpretation must be replaced with the correction reinterpretation." In other words, if our minds torment us, they can be corrected and reprogrammed when we take a moment to analyze instead of react. I find this incredibly hopeful
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"
The portion of Chapter 4 that struck me is on Page 49:
"...you may discover that the single biggest problem standing between you and a thin body has to do with your harsh view of yourself...the measurement of your interior self has a lot more to do with the measurement of your waist then you might realize...The emotions that your mind transforms into phantom hunger all connect to your interior life, with self-doubt as the central organizer. If food has become your major mood-regulating mechanism, you'll find yourself overeating every time your mood slips, every time you feel you don't measure up, every time you think you or your life aren't good enough."
I can be compassionate and sympathetic to my friends. They can tell me something they did and I will reassure them that they are still good people. However, I cut myself no slack. When I decide I have done something wrong (which I often do), I am a condemned woman. I can't believe I did such and such, or how I could have been so stupid, or what the heck was the matter with me, or why didn't I...on and on and on.
What a vicious circle: Why can't you eat less? Why can't you restrain yourself...which generates more eating.
Page 56: "You've assimilated Harriet's harsh and unfair criticisms as basic truths about yourself, the proof of your badness and your defectiveness. But now you've given Harriet an ordinary mortal name and taken her down a notch, so you can begin exploring whether or not she's telling the truth."
Even in the midst of Harriet's harangues, I know that I am "...an intelligent, self-contained, functioning adult..." (Page 55)
"Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you." --Emily in Our Town by Thornton Wilder
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