OOLA, good job!
I have to say that this line really smacked me in the head, "Self-doubt makes you overly sensitive to perceived slights because deep inside you feel damaged or unworthy. Self-doubt makes you withdraw too quickly, hide too much, become jealous and envious, give up too easily, and rationalize your actions. When insecure, you avoid reaching out, and you spend too much relationship energy protecting your self-image." Wow... (cringe) I see myself here, for sure.
I know my husband has to be very careful if he teases me, because if I feel stung, I pull way way WAY back inside myself. I also remember once when we were dating, he brought a friend along with him. He was giving his pal extra attention, because he didn't want him to feel like a 'third wheel.' Instead of pointing out, tactfully, when I would have liked a bit more of his attention, I got very defensive. I walked around mostly ahead of them, or behind them, and if we stopped in a shop, I would wander away from them. It was my "I don't NEED YOU" stance. I was hurt, and as the day went on, I was seething. If I had more money in my purse, I'm sure I would have ate my way through Universal Studios. Even today, after almost two decades of marriage, I can fall into that 'snit' of throwing up my defenses and shielding my hurt with an "I don't need you" attitude, instead of just calmly facing whatever is going on. It is like the feelings get SO big by the time I'm ready to admit them, that they scare me.
I know too that I am only now learning to just leave my husband alone when he's having a bad day. He also doesn't seem to know how to just ask for space, he'll just raise his voice or start banging around the house. I feel shoved away, and then I want chocolate, or cheese or .. anything (well not asparagus or broccoli).
I never thought of this as a "critical childlike conscience." Yikes, but that does sort of hit the nail on the head, doesn't it?
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us
are looking at the stars"
| Pounds lost: 0.0