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FB_000's Photo FB_000 Posts: 1,409
4/7/09 11:14 P

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I, too, had some difficulty reading "childlike" in his analysis. But I think he is right.

In the book jacket there's a note about Gail Sheehy using Gould in her book "Passages." I read that a long time ago, but never knew the connection.

Life is about stages and moving through them. Going after your dreams, or saying good-bye to those dreams and moving on. Looking at your envy for insights on what you really want. I like all of these parts of fulfilling your potential, and maturing through the stages of life.

The first part sounds familiar. If you want to change someone, first change yourself and how you interact with that person. I read that somewhere a long time. I find it difficult to put into practice. I either blame and criticize the other person, or myself.

The common denominator in all your relationships is yourself.

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LADYIRIS313's Photo LADYIRIS313 Posts: 926
1/31/09 7:36 P

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OOLA, good job!

I have to say that this line really smacked me in the head, "Self-doubt makes you overly sensitive to perceived slights because deep inside you feel damaged or unworthy. Self-doubt makes you withdraw too quickly, hide too much, become jealous and envious, give up too easily, and rationalize your actions. When insecure, you avoid reaching out, and you spend too much relationship energy protecting your self-image." Wow... (cringe) I see myself here, for sure.

I know my husband has to be very careful if he teases me, because if I feel stung, I pull way way WAY back inside myself. I also remember once when we were dating, he brought a friend along with him. He was giving his pal extra attention, because he didn't want him to feel like a 'third wheel.' Instead of pointing out, tactfully, when I would have liked a bit more of his attention, I got very defensive. I walked around mostly ahead of them, or behind them, and if we stopped in a shop, I would wander away from them. It was my "I don't NEED YOU" stance. I was hurt, and as the day went on, I was seething. If I had more money in my purse, I'm sure I would have ate my way through Universal Studios. Even today, after almost two decades of marriage, I can fall into that 'snit' of throwing up my defenses and shielding my hurt with an "I don't need you" attitude, instead of just calmly facing whatever is going on. It is like the feelings get SO big by the time I'm ready to admit them, that they scare me.

I know too that I am only now learning to just leave my husband alone when he's having a bad day. He also doesn't seem to know how to just ask for space, he'll just raise his voice or start banging around the house. I feel shoved away, and then I want chocolate, or cheese or .. anything (well not asparagus or broccoli).

I never thought of this as a "critical childlike conscience." Yikes, but that does sort of hit the nail on the head, doesn't it?


"We are all in the gutter, but some of us
are looking at the stars"

Oscar Wilde

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NEWCREATION2010's Photo NEWCREATION2010 Posts: 118
11/24/08 6:50 P

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Good for you, that's such an achievement!

As for me, I am so happy to finally know (not just a head knowledge but a heart knowledge) that no matter how frustrated I am feeling, food will never fix it. It will just give me something ELSE to be frustrated about right after I finish chewing.


And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin

17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
2 Cor. 5:17

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OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 12,923
11/20/08 7:55 A

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Hoo, boy, I grappled with this one yesterday. I knew I had to take three days in a row out of the classroom and I was not happy about it. There were so many things I hadn't done in preparation and of course I felt my students weren't cooperating with my plan. There were a few times I wanted to "fill up," but I had good food with me for my lunch and I knew I was going out to dinner, so I stuck to my plan. I ordered a rich dinner, but ate only half and didn't end up eating the leftovers when I got home, as I have often done before. Yee-haw! Another day on plan!


Six years of maintaining a 20% weightloss and counting.*To seek happiness, identifying the Self with the body, is like trying to cross a river on the back of a crocodile." Ramana Maharshi
*The No S Diet saved me from my emotional eating defeats.
8 years and counting!
*Get to the next meal hungry!

3,006 Days since:  I began the NO S lifestyle
Fitness Minutes: (3,858)
Posts: 3,781
6/12/08 9:03 P

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Please use this thread to discuss Chapter 5 of Shrink Yourself


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