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MELISSAKAY78's Photo MELISSAKAY78 Posts: 533
11/28/12 8:38 P

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I am brand new to this team, but I would like to say I have a daughter who is 8 going on 18, the huff, puffs, crying, whining, wanting to wear high heals and makeup, I love her dearly...the best thing to ever happen to me, but she can diffidently test my patience,lol emoticon

Don't just wish for it, work for it! Ready, Set, GOAL.


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11/16/12 10:52 A

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My ten year old seems to huff and puff when I discipline her.

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11/5/12 1:03 P

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My nine yr is getting relly getting an attitude about things. He feels like since his brother was diagonised with ADHD last month that everything is his fault. It is a really stuggle trying show and tell him otherwise, without getting his brother upset, because he thinks we spend to much with brother and he gets naughty as he knows that will get our attention(which has evev stated)

LOSINGIT1983's Photo LOSINGIT1983 Posts: 202
10/23/12 8:41 P

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my 6yo is the same way, we had an episode at the grocery store yesterday. It has alot to do with who my dd hangs around, its these 3 girls that no matter what I say or do her memaw still lets her play whith them when shes visiting because " there are no other kids for her to play with" in her neighborhood. Im hoping she will grow out of it sooner than later because Im ready to pull my hair out!

That which you mistake for madness is but an over acuteness of the senses -Edgar Allan Poe


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RUMBAMEL's Photo RUMBAMEL Posts: 1,959
10/10/12 5:36 P

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My patience is a big key. Giving her responsibility is helping. I am learning to shut my mouth and walk away. That one is hard. I just want to talk and talk to get through to her, but it doesn't work.

ugh.

good luck everyone.

rumbamel

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MRSFOWLES97's Photo MRSFOWLES97 Posts: 4
10/10/12 1:37 P

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my 6 yr old daughter is the exact same way

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9/16/12 3:47 P

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My son does this, I've found that extra time with me without his sister home and my undivided attention curbs most of it. We are cooking together every day now and he loves it! The more quality time I spend playing with him, making special plans for us, the happier he is.

~Kristina


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9/12/12 7:54 A

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I agree, I find that if I talk with my kids especially when they are having a temper tantrum or a fit or attitude that it helps them label their feelings. yesterday my 4 year old had a major fit about a piece of candy. she did it all, screamed, kicked her feet, kicked the walls. Once she calmed down, she came to me for a hug. I took the opportunity to help her label her feelings. she was mad at me. I explained that it is okay to be mad at mommy. it is not okay to scream and kick things. I gave her other options for getting her anger out. I showed her she can scream into a pillow, or punch the pillow. she thought it was funny, but hopefully next time she will think about that when she gets angry. As for my almost 10 year old, she is opening up more to me. the more she is open and communicates with me, the more freedom she is allowed. she is able to hang outside with her friends longer, she can go a little farther as long as she respects the rules and doesn't lie. I know for sure it is best for us that we spend quality time with each child and make them feel special. it is a tough world and a scary one sometimes. they just want our attention and sometimes it is hard to stop what we are doing to give it to them.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

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Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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9/11/12 5:36 P

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I have learned that when you spend time with your children they seem to calm down as well. I guess you could say their attitude seems to be a way to get attention from us as parents. Everybody around me tells me that I should spank them or punish them and unfortunately it seems like most of the time I listen to them instead of realizing that my kids and I are so busy that we barely see each other anymore. After reading the messages in this stream, I have decided to try my old ways again of spending time with them and cuddling them when they have had a bad day. That's not to say that they will get their way when it comes to other stuff but I think the attention and talking about the situation will greatly improve their behavior.


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9/11/12 9:44 A

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I have learned that when she gets some mommy time she is a lot happier. She has had less mood swings, talks back less. I find that also when her dad gets on her too much, I have to talk to him as well. I tell him that he cannot pick on every little thing that bothers him. She cannot grow up thinking everything she does is wrong. I've noticed since spending time with her at night talking has helped. She seems to feel more comfortable telling me things when everyone else is asleep.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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9/11/12 9:36 A

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WOW! I feel like you're writing about our 10-year old daughter. She has a huge attitude. If she doesn't get her way, she sasses back and yells at us. I know that part of her problem is due to her hormones (she has begun puberty) but I don't want that to be her excuse throughout life. All of us women have to deal with hormones. How can I teach her to better deal with her feelings?

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9/10/12 4:07 P

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I know exactly how you feel. My 10 year old daughter and I used to throw fighting spells all the time for a few months. The stress of being a little girl (not sure about boys yet) these days is worse than I was growing up. TV isn't helping with it either.
emoticon

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RUMBAMEL's Photo RUMBAMEL Posts: 1,959
8/29/12 6:46 P

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I keep talking about how exaggerated the kids on t.v. are these days and how they don't act like real people. I tell my kids that normal people don't talk like that or do things like that. I want them to notice the studio audience laughing in the background and that they themselves are laughing....these things they are doing on t.v. aren't funny!! It's like I'm talking to a wall.

A teacher on a show the other day encouraged kids to beat each other up. I told my kids that she would be fired for that. You can't speak to kids that way. She was a wrestling coach and was doing this in the middle of the cafeteria. It was supposed to be a "match", yet no other teachers or parents were there. Lots of non-reality stuff goes on.

It drives me nuts!

rumbamel

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8/29/12 3:49 P

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that does make a lot of sense. I know when my daughter started getting into the disney channel, that is when it began. Luckily she doesn't watch much tv anymore. We encourage her to go to friends that often do other things. Two of her friends do not have cable so they read a lot, make up games, make videos fo them dancing and singing, ride bikes, stay outside etc. I'm thankful that none of my children really focus on tv too much.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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8/29/12 3:23 P

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Ok so some of you are going to think Im nuts but I noticed my daughters getting really bratty when I allow them to watch tv on Disney and things like that. So what I did was watch the shows they like and guess what: Most of the girls on there act that way towards their parents and other authority figures. I decided to limit their intake of that kind of thing and it has diminished QUICKLY! i do let the watch some shows but talk to them about how the characters act and stuff. My girls are 10 and 11 but we have been dealing with this in this way for about 2 years. It really leveled it out for us. Sadly kids use tv as a role model in this day and age so what they see they do in a lot of ways.

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RUMBAMEL's Photo RUMBAMEL Posts: 1,959
8/26/12 8:59 P

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I just had a weekend away at Brownie camp with my daughter. It turned out this way because a girl dropped out at the last minute. It used to be that she would have a fit about something like this, but she just rolled with it mostly. At first it was kind of scary for her being the only one from our troop, but Saturday picked up. It was wonderful for us. I hope it changes things for us. I felt great bonding with her. I know she will need a lot of work with her brother, though. She mentioned the other day that she never knows when she has to ask permission and when she doesn't. I guess that does make a lot of sense with giving her more responsibilities. Poor kiddo.

Good luck everyone.

rumbamel

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8/24/12 9:53 A

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I have been just having little talks at night with her one on one if I think something is bothering her. I've made it a point to give her more responsibility and just asking her to do more chores around the house. She doesn't have to have her little sister hanging around her anymore when she goes outside. I think that made her really happy. I have told her that the door is always open for communication. she will come to me and ask me questions or tell me something that happened and ask me what I think about it. I have been making days for just her and mom time. She really loves those. It is so hard to juggle when you have 2 other ones a lot younger than her. I give her a little bit more freedom now. The other day when I went for a walk, she asked if she could stay home. I knew she wouldn't get into any trouble so I let her stay at home. My neighbors were outside and I asked them to keep an eye out. She asked what if someone knocks on the door. I told her ask who it is and if she doesn't know them don't answer it. She did just fine, stayed in the house and the neighbors asked her if she was okay. I think giving her that trust, she felt more grown up and now wants to be more mature. The moodiness is a lot less now.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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BELLAGAIA's Photo BELLAGAIA Posts: 11
8/24/12 9:29 A

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Same here (daughter is 11). I find getting angry at the attitude is counter-productive, but I always call her on it. Like when I get an eye-roll followed by a "fiiiiinnneeee whatever I'll take out the stupid trash" I'll say calmly, "Try that again, please" and usually get a more polite answer, albeit often with gritted teeth.

We've found it helpful to encourage her to journal ... if she wants to write "my mom is so stupid I hate my brother poor me and my miserable life" that's fine, she's allowed to vent on paper in her private journal. I think it helps, and often the next day I find the page torn out and crumpled in the recycling. The moment passes.

I can remember being that age. It's not easy. I really *did* think the world revolved around me! I think as long as we keep the communication open and give them their space when needed they'll in turn to us when there is an issue, which is so important in the coming years.

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8/20/12 4:30 P

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our pediatrician said the same thing, and yet my daughter at age 8 has already started "budding" so I know it's not my imagination with the hormones either!

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8/20/12 4:02 P

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I had a pediatrician tell me that they dont' get hormones running through them before puberty. I beg to differ. I firmly believe my daughter has hormones that are making her moody, whiny and being in between of wanting to grow up, but wanting to not grow up at the same time.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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8/20/12 3:42 P

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I think it starts earlier and earlier for hormones anymore! Just last year one of the teachers said to me that they are finding the 3rd graders are acting the way 5th graders used to! so that right there tells you a LOT about how things are so different now!!

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8/20/12 10:39 A

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You are definitely not alone in this one! My 6-year-old has started with an attitude and boy does it get under my skin. She is perfect at school, treats the other kids and teachers with respect, is usually the teacher's helper. Then, she gets home and immediately her and her sister start arguing. It is exhausting! I am just glad to know it is not only my little girl...someone mentioned hormones which I am sure is a part of it, but I was just hoping to get through these younger years without the attitude, wishful thinking right!?! I figure we just have to keep on her about the attitude and talking back now because if you let it go I cannot even imagine what the teenage years will bring! emoticon

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8/15/12 6:44 P

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Oh yeah, my daughter also is a perfect angel at school (for the most part), able to volunteer for tasks and do well overall. I too have to harp on her at home with dirty clothes and dishes and straightening her room!!

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MAINE_MOM71's Photo MAINE_MOM71 Posts: 18
8/15/12 1:37 P

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Wow-reading this all I can say, its not just the girls, my 7 yr old son is the same way. I never realized it as much until this past weekend. I had taken all 3 boys, my 7 yr old and my soon to be 5 yr old twins to the Smircus Circus because it was in town. I never saw so much rolling of the eyes, sitting with his arms crossed, asking if we can leave because he was bored. I was like, where did my sweet little boy go. I laugh at the school comments because it is the same way here. Pure angel in school, no so much when it comes to being home and needing his ' 'alone'' time away from his brothers. I volunteer at the school and she is absolutely right. He is one of those I'll do that for you Mrs. xxxxxxx, or I'll clean that up for you. I cant get him to pick up his dirty laundry or put his cup in the sink. Maybe pre-teen starts much earlier these days.

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RUMBAMEL's Photo RUMBAMEL Posts: 1,959
8/14/12 9:41 P

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We have difficulties with punishments also. I took away sweet treats from her for a week and it was pretty good, but t.v. or a spank don't do anything really. I can try a play date/sleep over being recalled, but she still sasses right up until the last point. My husband likes to make her just sit there and not get what she wants, but that wastes my time and that isn't fair. To me, that is letting her win. She is very much into winning some part of the disagreement. She wants control.

Ho hum, I feel your pain.

rumbamel

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8/14/12 7:57 P

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you just described my daughter!!!!!!!!

Seriously, she is 8 going on 18 already...I'm quite sure hormones are probably lurking underfoot. It's scary and frustrating at the same time!

IDK, each day has its challenges when it comes to her. As my mom says, I have to pick my battles. There are times I can ignore the 'tude, and other times when I have to change the subject, topic, environment, etc. Very seldomly do I have to actually intervene with words now, though I admit I still do have days where I snap back at her and get angry. I'm trying to do that less!!! And I find that if she gets enough sleep she is less cranky overall. I think the need for sleep is also connected with her moodswings, or rather merging with that fact. Punishments don't always work with her, never have. Some days I just lose my sanity. Sigh...

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RUMBAMEL's Photo RUMBAMEL Posts: 1,959
8/12/12 11:18 A

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wow, when I saw this one pop up I was so relieved to some extent, if you know what I mean? My daughter has been doing this since she was about 4!!! I have been considering counseling because I thought there might be something wrong. Each time she would get a little better for a while or it would seem like it was something different.

She does yell, cry, scream at the top of her lungs, she has thrown things, she argues to no end (she's pretty smart and very stubborn), she has tried to leave the house, too.

I think ultimately she doesn't want to be disappointed. Last week she wanted to do something with us and we asked her what she wanted to do. She didn't know. She was made to choose and it really frustrated her. She screamed like a mad person. My son recorded it on his Dsi. They are 15 mo. apart. She blames everything on him. He does instigate a lot, but so does she or sometimes she can settle the flames, at least.

She had dealt with disappointment she she was very small in a playgroup and she has always had problems. It seems to be the root of all her problems.

She won't go out if her hair is slightly messy, it bothers her if the gift isn't wrapped just right, she has issues with how her socks and clothes feel on her. She is definitely a glass half empty girl.

I guess I would suggest finding out what might be at the base of these fits. Is there a commonality? The tough part is then for us to work on that.

Good luck everyone!!

Oh, my daughter is 8 1/2 right now.
rumbamel

Edited by: RUMBAMEL at: 8/12/2012 (11:18)
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8/9/12 11:42 P

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My 6 year old is exactly the same! She is horrible, talks back argues and then she freaks out and screams an sometimes throws stuff. At school she is great but when she gets home it is whining, crying at the drop of the hat and plane out rude. She seems to be better when her grandmother isn't around which is hard cause we live with her.

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1/6/11 11:49 A

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Mine is the same way - I even question her teachers about it, to make sure they'd tell me is she acts up or acts bossy at schoo llike she does at home with our 8 year old. But no - she is perfect tfor them - saves hte attitude for us. In fact yesterday she came home and told us she is "Citizen of the Month" for her class, and 10 minutes later had her brother in tears saying "sissy hates me" becasue of how mean she is to him. Just not cool to be nice to her little brother - I guess. But all in all - I look at how some other kids act and know she's not that bad - just have to remind myself of that sometimes.

Mindy

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1/6/11 11:42 A

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mine is an angel at school also. everyone always tells me how polite and well behaved my children are out in public or at other people's houses, but you get them home and it is a whole nother world. I know some of my daughter's behavior stems from what she sees others in our complex doing, but I think part of it is that she is striving for independence and wants to see what she can and can't get away with.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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LAWOMAN2's Photo LAWOMAN2 Posts: 367
1/6/11 11:36 A

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We have the same issue with the 6 yo. Now at school she is the greatest. Home not so much!! We have her meeting with the school councelor but nothing has changed so far. I am hoping it's just an age thing...although my oldest did not start this until much later. Personally I think it is some of the kids....not the ones she is actually friends with though. We have a lot of behavior issues and parents that don't care around here. I think she is seeing them act up and is just copying them at home. She really respects her teachers, and would never think about acting up for them. Guess she knows we will always be here!!

Lori M.


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1/5/11 11:59 A

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when I went to the parent teacher conferences, the teacher thanked me for being so involved with my daughter's school work and how she is doing. I asked her why and she explained that sadly many of the parents of her students just don't get involved, don't seem to care. That makes me sad. I think it takes both the school and the parents to help our kids. This world is different than when we were that age. It is tough out there for them and they need us. I'm constantly emailing her teacher and the resource counselor, the school offers parenting classes that I go to just to help me be a better parent. I wish many more schools could offer that.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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1/5/11 11:57 A

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yeah, I think a lot of it is who she hangs out with, but sometimes I think it is just her age. Luckily she doesn't cuss or anything, but I think she is trying to get her independence while at the same time she wants to stay a child. I find that when dad gets involved after she gives me the attitude, she tends to calm down and apologize or vice versa.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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1/5/11 11:55 A

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And for the record - not to start any arguments - I do NOT think the schools have anything to do with causing this. I think the schools - at least in our area - are trying the best they can with the resources they are given. They have way too many students with not enough staff, less pay, and minimal parent interaction. I believe it all starts at home but some of it is just built in stages the kids go through. Just my opinion :)

Mindy

Started Spark April 14, 2009.

Hit first Goal October 2010 !

Hit second goal (145) in June, 2011.

Then I went on vacation - still trying to recover :)


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1/5/11 11:51 A

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It is NOT just your daughter! My daughter started with the attitude at age 9 and at 11 1/2 she is still mastering her skills at it. We try hard to curb it (don't let her have her arms crossed or roll her eyes at us) but it still pops up from time to time. A lot of her friends get to do things, we as parents, do not think is good for her age so we are the mean ones - but oh well. Even this morning before school we got an earful for not letting her walk the 8 blocks from one school to the next for band practice with her friends. All you can do is watch who she hangs out with, try to steer her towards positive things and in the end I think it they'll turn out ok - it's just that age.

Mindy

Started Spark April 14, 2009.

Hit first Goal October 2010 !

Hit second goal (145) in June, 2011.

Then I went on vacation - still trying to recover :)


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KITTY1970's Photo KITTY1970 Posts: 5,005
1/5/11 11:17 A

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My daughter is almost the same way. But we try to keep her away from the one friend majority of time but it is very difficult b/c she goes to school w/ her & walks home w/ her. We've been having issues when it comes too big out of control attitude we do spank her. She talks back but does not swear primarily b/c we do not swear. I really thinks it's the school's teaching them to revolt against authority. Most children growing up have such rude under handed ideas that we as parents should let them do whatever they want & we should have to deal w/ it. They teach sex education @ 4th grade now to just do it but then they say you have to use a condom & don't forget the birth control pills so their are no mishaps. What happen to wait til marriage. We taught all our kids that you should wait until marriage b/c it makes your marriage harder to deal w/ b/c you slept w/ others. I think I've wrote enough. Hope things get easier for your relationship.

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1/5/11 9:07 A

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My 8 year old daughter has developed the worst attitude not only lately, but since she turned about 7. She talks back, last night she called me names, she cries at the drop of a hat, she rolls her eyes, her friends seem to act the same way. I don't know if it is a product of her friends or it a lot of the same age girls do this? Anyone else have this problem and how did you deal with it?

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