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KCDELENN's Photo KCDELENN Posts: 86
6/30/12 12:16 A

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I am academically gifted, as are 3 of my 4 children. YES, I have experienced pretty much all of the problems listed here. 2 of my 3 gifteds have been treated for depression. They all feel pressured to be "perfect", as did I at their ages. There is a common misconception that "gifted" or "genius" means you know everything. This means that when they get something wrong in school they are mocked and teased mercilessly. This makes them very reluctant to ask questions in class when they don't understand something. The other kids can smell gifted...no one has to tell them your kid is gifted. They can just sniff it out and pounce on it like a pack of hungry wolves.

Having been there myself, I have been able to explain giftedness to my kids, and help them understand both the benefits and the challenges of it. My oldest and youngest were both able to be placed in the gifted program at school and that helped TREMENDOUSLY. Being around other gifted children helps them feel less awkward and can give them tools to handle school. It also gave them the opportunity to explore things that they wouldn't ordinarily get to in school.

My oldest did start hanging out with trouble making kids in high school. A lot of things went in to that....but I think a lot of it was that she was exhausted from being the "smart kid" in class. She longed to feel "normal". Academic giftedness does not equal good decision making skills. We struggled a lot with this when she was in high school. Luckily she was too smart to get involved with their bad habits...but we didn't know that at the time! What harrowing years those were.

I speak very openly and honestly with my kids about their giftedness. I help them to understand why the other kids are so mean to them (it has to do with feeling inadequate and insecure around someone substantially better at something than we are) I help my kids understand it is NOT NOT NOT about them as people, but about the insecurities inside of the children who bully. That has actually made my kids more compassionate toward the very children that torment them. I also make sure my kids understand that they do not get to take credit for their giftedness....it was given to them by God as a gift, and not something about which they should brag. Everyone has talents, everyone has gifts....we must respect all people's gifts.

Above all...if I had advice as both a parent of gifted kids, and a gifted kid myself....YOU are your kids best advocate. A gifted child is a "special needs" child in some ways. They need a challenge, they need to NOT be dumbed down so the rest of the class can keep up, they need to NOT be singled out in class, they do sometimes need tutoring and extra help. Sometimes schools give kids extra work to keep them occupied...your child may see that as a punishment. It is not fair that your gifted child be made to do more work simply because he or she works faster than others. I believe the gifted child who finishes work early should be rewarded, not punished. Work with teachers to figure that out. You must advocate for your kids to make sure they are getting the best education. And oddly....check the homework! Even gifted kids run into things they don't understand. When they do....they often don't know how to handle it and can go into a tailspin of confusion. So make SURE your kid is keeping up (don't just assume they are because they are smart). And get them assistance when they need it.

Hope some of this helps! You are not alone.



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KATHRYN75's Photo KATHRYN75 SparkPoints: (5,475)
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7/21/11 7:42 P

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I don't have a gifted child I do have a very talented child. My oldest daughter Elizabeth,s has been in a play, pick up a flute (for the first time this past school year) and plays beautifully. She also draws and paints and has the family talent to sing. She is entering junior high this year and I'm encouraging her to try out for what ever she wants she wants to do art, band and drama, plus chorus. I'm told her how proud I would be with anything she wants to due. Does anyone have any advice for adhd or eplispy. I'll willing to listen.

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JOESMASH's Photo JOESMASH Posts: 380
7/18/11 2:17 P

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For my daughter, we found a hobby for her that is outside of academia- so she can be expressive and have people who don't know that she's "too smart"- which she isn't!! My daughter dances and gets to be social in a completely different setting from school- so she's not only know for being that smart girl. She's flourished since she started dancing- and she's only 5.

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10/22/10 12:02 P

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I have three children ages 8, 9, and 12. My 12 year old has a learning disability and struggles in school. My 9 year is being tested for the gifted program at her school. She is very bright and blows my mind with some of the stuff she comes up with and understands. My 8 year old is average. She does well in school but she is in between her two sisters. I think the struggle for both of my two oldest children are the same. My oldest daughter with the learning disability struggles with her grades and she has problems with some of the kids making fun of her because she does need extra help in some subjects. She does have friends but some of the kids can be cruel. My 9 year old who is being tested for Gifted also struggles socially because some of the kids her age do not understand her. They think she is a bit on the strange side because of talking about normal things she is talking about subjects that go over their head. Where most kids love disney and nick she watches Discovery Channel. My 9 year old has friends but like my child who on the other extreme she has a difficult time fitting in to at times. On the other hand my baby who is average in school has no problems fitting in. The only problem she has found is that she socializes too much during school. LOL

MOMTOCONNOR2003's Photo MOMTOCONNOR2003 Posts: 5,169
9/29/10 10:39 A

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Does anyone have trouble with their gifted children hanging out with the bad kids. My son is really shy and he wants so badly to be accepted by friends that he is a followers. I wish there was a way to get him to stop being a follower and become a leader. He always end up hanging out with the kids that use him for stuff like (If you are my friend you will do this or give me that". We try to talk to him about these are not good friends but he continues to hang out with them because they talk to him in afterschool. He just got in trouble at school on Monday for assisting two kids in TPing a bathroom. One was a fifth grader and the other was in his class last year. He did not do any damage himself, he was wetting the toilet paper for the other kids. This need to be accepted is getting him in trouble. I am not sure how to address the whole acceptance thing.

I was an art major in school so I never tried to fit in with other people, which made other people gravitate towards me. I got along with everyone. I graduated with honors in high school and college.

I wish he would be confortable enough in his own skin that he could speak up for himself and stop following the bad kids.

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15THC_ODETTE's Photo 15THC_ODETTE Posts: 2,177
9/26/10 11:05 A

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Speaking as a former gifted child...

Friends, she needs friends like her. Smart kids to hang with who are her age and share her interests. Find the geek/nerd hive where she can find "her people." Otherwise she will live in books.

My parents elected to not separate me from my class when the school suggested that I jump a grade, but I had TAG classes, went to a magnet high school for science and tech, and went to G/T summer camps (college for two weeks in the summer).




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MOMTOCONNOR2003's Photo MOMTOCONNOR2003 Posts: 5,169
9/13/10 8:41 A

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Thanks I will check it out!

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9/11/10 6:04 P

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I have a VERY smart little girl as well. She's in 3rd grade but should be in 2nd and she's ahead of a lot of the 3rd graders also. My husband and I have struggled with her quite a bit, because quite frankly, it's hard to relate to an intelligent human being sometimes. Here's my recommendation, it's a great book! "Strong-willed Child Or Dreamer?" by Ron Braund & Dana Spears
You can purchase that on amazon.com
Hope this helps!

MOMTOCONNOR2003's Photo MOMTOCONNOR2003 Posts: 5,169
8/23/10 9:23 A

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My son starts AP classes this year because he is extremely gifted in math. He tries so hard to fit in with other children but when I ask him who his friends are he really doesn't have but one or two names (if that). He tells me that the kids pick on him because he is not athletic and he attends a afterschool program, that keeps the kids active and moving. I wish I could help him socially, it is so hard to watch our children struggle. I am hoping that by him being in a AP class he can establish more friends going through the same things and also have a friend that is equal in intellect.

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8/22/10 2:45 A

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There are a lot of resources on the Hoagies gifted site. As you probably know, being gifted is more than just being smart and comes with it's own challenges.
www.hoagiesgifted.org/

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle


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(¸.•´(¸.•´(¸ ;.•it's that you're getting there.•*¨)♥
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STINI91 Posts: 1
8/15/10 9:42 P

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Unfortunately, this is very common in gifted children. It sounds like you are taking some positive steps having her speak to someone. Good Luck!

MSALWILLIAMS's Photo MSALWILLIAMS Posts: 4,648
3/4/09 7:37 P

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Yes, encouragement in other activities possible will help a lot. Thinking about it, I did get my daughter involved in classes at the Park District and she seems to be happy with everything.

Taking it one day at a time.

If you are going to have a treat make sure you enjoy each bite.

My lowest was around 139...making my way back down and hopefully farther.


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ELFDOCTORS's Photo ELFDOCTORS Posts: 1,871
3/4/09 6:50 P

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My daughter reads so much that we actually have to discourage her from doing it. Yesterday, she slipped on the ice because she couldn't put her book away while walking from the car to the house. We've also had to enforce a rule about not reading at the dinner table. The teachers think that reading is her escape. During the last two vacations, she read through all her reading material that we had to make stops at bookstores to get her more reading material. We've been trying to get her more active as exercise may help her mood. We've talked to her and she knows she is loved and that she doesn't have to be perfect. It seems that a lot of the pressure is self-imposed because her classmates think she's smart (and a few of them pick on her about it) so she doesn't want to make any mistakes. I don't think she needs medications at this point but the school psychologist was worried enough that we started the counseling.

I was skipped ahead (and was also an avid reader) when I was growing up so I can relate to her not feeling popular (and I've told her this).

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MSALWILLIAMS's Photo MSALWILLIAMS Posts: 4,648
3/4/09 4:21 P

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I have my daughter read books of some of the shows we watch and then we compare how they are different. She finds it pretty interesting that the tv shows are so different from the books.

Taking it one day at a time.

If you are going to have a treat make sure you enjoy each bite.

My lowest was around 139...making my way back down and hopefully farther.


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LOLOTEACHES Posts: 18
3/4/09 11:02 A

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I think kids today might get bored in school not only because they need to be challenged but also because they are used to the fast paced, immediate gratification of video games, tv and our world today. They are not used to reading simply for the joy of it. As a teacher, I see so many kids that do not enjoy reading. My son is like that too and it kills me because I love to read. So I think that if we could get kids to enjoy basic books and possibly board games to increase their higher level thinking skills, they might be able to challenge themselves instead of having to be challenged by a teacher and given more and more work.
My son is in second grade and although he avoids a lot of the work, he is very smart and just learning to figure out his world. It's not easy as a parent to watch your kids figure things out on their own. I think that might be what you describe as being sad or depressed.

MELODIEO's Photo MELODIEO Posts: 1,572
3/4/09 10:32 A

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Maybe you should just simply try sitting down with your child and asking them what it is that is bothering them. I have a little one that is very smart. He has gone through this in kindergarten. It was simply that he was board and not being challenged and he go tto the opoint that he didnt even want to go to school. I finally told the teacher that he was board and that she needed to give him something a litle more challenging and they did. But the thing that helped the most was to let him know that I was there for him and wanted to honestly listen to him and spend time learning things from him and with him. Sometimes the best things we can do as parents is take time & actually whole heartedly listen. I am a very busy mom I work two part time jobs and I am on several committees at our church and being that I am the secretary for the church it is even harder because even if I am not on the committee I usually have to be at their meetings. What I am saying is Make time where you can even if it is on the way to and from school. God Bless & Best of Wishes.

Little Bit (Melodie), Mighty Mocha Hunter !!

Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength!

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MSTIGGERFAN's Photo MSTIGGERFAN SparkPoints: (59,059)
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3/3/09 10:06 P

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My child had not skipped ahead and as far as I know the school does not do that but he is above most of the kids in school as for reading levels and he is made fun of because of that. I have the counselor at school talk with him frequently to make sure all is well because he has encountered bullying from other kids and school and would never say anything to the teachers in fear of making someone mad. I try my best to keep up with whats going on with him and make frequent trips to school to make sure he is treated right. I kind of dread next year because he hits middle school and not for sure how they do things yet.

Cherly
I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me Philippians 4:13



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MSALWILLIAMS's Photo MSALWILLIAMS Posts: 4,648
3/3/09 7:36 P

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My daughter hasn't been skipped ahead but I know she is very bright and she figures most things out on her own. She seems to not have much of a social personality which is worrisome. She also learns in a different way then other children so she is always bored at school...but they fail to challenge her and she's being looked over for the the Gifted Program. I was in the "Gifted" Program at school and I know I wasn't always the happiest of children. Being picked on because you are smart is not an easy thing to deal with. I was lucky though because I had other friends who were in the same grouping as I was so at least I had others to be with. So just from personal experience you just need to spend time with her and make sure she has friends and plenty of fun things to do. As she gets older...also you might want to talk to her. She might not like being labeled as being so much smarter. I also had a friend who got her GED at 14 so she could start college. She wasn't very happy either till she got to college and around others who actually valued education. But because of these issues I know I will never push for my daughter to be in the way advanced classes unless she asks for it. So perhaps just talk to her and see what will help her feel more happy.

Taking it one day at a time.

If you are going to have a treat make sure you enjoy each bite.

My lowest was around 139...making my way back down and hopefully farther.


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ELFDOCTORS's Photo ELFDOCTORS Posts: 1,871
3/3/09 7:26 P

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My 11 year old daughter is smart. We've already skipped her a grade ahead (on the advice of the school). She is doing an on-line Algebra class for her 6th grade work. She just scored a 17 on the ACTs (equivalent to the 25th percentile of high school seniors).

We're proud of her. However she always seems depressed. We know some of it has come from being picked on. Some of it is related to her still juvenile emotional coping skills. Some of it may even come from her father's inability to get home at a decent hour (I even had to miss her First Communion this past Sunday because I was busy delivering a baby at our small local hospital). The school has tried to help her to be a little more happier. In the words of the school psychologist "That little girl has the weight of the whole world on her shoulders". We decided to start counseling recently.

Has anyone else here had this or other problems with gifted children?

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