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FLYINGTOFREEDOM's Photo FLYINGTOFREEDOM SparkPoints: (72,469)
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7/24/12 8:21 A

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it doesn't end with terrible twos believe me, I have the terrible 9s going on right now.
i found that what works for my 2 yr son and my 4 yr daughter is taking away the pool or outside time. Once they can correct their behavior and calm down then we discuss it and then they get their privileges back. time outs don't work for them, they just don't affect them as much as taking away their favorite things which is going outside and playing. i know it sounds harsh and they need to be active, but at the same time, they are not going to get rewarded for acting bad. this seems to work more effectively for us and i've noticed that they are not acting as bad as they had been. my son has turned to hitting when he is angry, he gets put in his room and when he calms down he comes out and we explain that it is okay to be angry but it isn't okay to hit out of anger. my 4 year old is still throwing fits but it seems to be less now that we have finally committed to sticking it out and following through. they will always test their boundaries no matter what age they are. it is just different ways. and i think that sometimes we have to change how we discipline as well as they grow up my 9 year old has different privileges taken away from her, and that seems to work. also when they refuse to clean their rooms, they have to stay in them until they do or they stay in them all day. no outside, no pool.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

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Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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7/24/12 7:48 A

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im so glad im not the only one my 2.5 year old is really pushing the boundries some days i dont want to take him out because he just doesnt listen if im talking to someoe he'll be screeming the place down because im giving him attention and this is putting a really big strain on me socialy of when i go to dr's or other appointments, i feel like im shouting all the time or constantly raisinmy voice and telling him off instead of having fun and enjoyin the time we have together.
my husband is no help he just keeps saying its the terebal two's and its whats excpected when i complain, but he doesnt understand he still needs to live by the bounries we set him and its no excuse for him to act like he does.
he keeps going through fazes of hitting me and it really up sets me, we have the two warnings then time out, but if he's been really bad its straight to time out for 2 mins, he's had to have a hit bum but only a few times. im taking away toys and stopping him having stuff, but its just not working.
he can be really loving and fun and we can go out but it seems there are more bad days than good. my mother-in-law has him to stay once a week and he's good for her but started to rebel recently and im just getting down with it all and ive just found out im 5 weeks pregnant and i have no idea how he's going to react to a new baby and the stress is the last thing i need right now.


FLYINGTOFREEDOM's Photo FLYINGTOFREEDOM SparkPoints: (72,469)
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6/8/11 10:58 A

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they know when they push our buttons, they know when they go too far, but they still do it. my 3 year old has been like this from day one. she drives me crazy. you can tell her no and she will still do whatever you dont' want her to do. she argues, talkes back, calls us mean and names. I mean it is a daily struggle with her. I've taken to putting her in her room everytime she does anything bad. I tell her when she calms down she can come out. She wants me to hold her all the time, I tell her that when she isn't crying, I will. This seems to help sometimes.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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MOM_2007's Photo MOM_2007 SparkPoints: (1,220)
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6/7/11 8:45 P

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Wow, I see that I was the last one to comment before this comment...

Well major update... I feel sooooo on edge with my now almost 4 yr old son. I am taking summer courses online and I am home alone with him all day... his dad is not around so I am a single parent not just single mother... I know all the right things to do and stuff but I feel so overwelmed, he talks back, hits sometimes, screams at me and just knows exactly what buttons to push to tick me off. I have always been a calm person. I don't cuss, drink, do drugs, or party. I love family. well the past month I have been cussing under my breath at least every other day because of how helpless I feel when he acts so bratty. I give him plenty of attention, he plays baseball, we do at least one major activity every day such as swimming, going to the park, and things like coloring, painting, legos, cooking, tickling, car tracks thingy, and etc. I tell him I love him a few times a day. I just feel so lost. He acts as though I do not give him enough attention and has a temper. I hope I figure this out...

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2/19/11 1:54 A

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I believe this is a normal struggle that all parents deal with one time or another.... I pride myself on being a good, no great mother. Life gets stressful, especially being a single 22 yr old mom in college with a 3 yr old son. He is the light of my life and he knows what ticks me off
One thing to remember is how they act during the preschool years is exactly how they will act in their teen years... so strive to be in control of yourself first. then the children. They learn from you and copy your pattern of anger, happiness, and stress tolerance. If a child knows that when you say something it is truely real and follow through with what you say, which means be carefull what you say... My son knows without being told how to stand in the corner (nose in corner and hands behind his back).
Sometimes when I am about to snap I think... he is only three, I am the adult, act like one, be in control and show compassion and discipline as needed. I hope this helps anyone who reads this thanks!!!!
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KATES83's Photo KATES83 Posts: 76
2/18/11 6:28 P

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I'm so glad I saw this...I AM NOT ALONE! My daughter is 4 and is a very good little girl, but she can stress me out sometimes. When I'm trying to hurry to get out the door in the morning or when I am in the middle of a million different things, I tend to snap. I apologize afterwards, but I still feel awful. I have instituted a Mommy Time-Out, where I go into another room and read a book or write in a journal for a few minutes until the "Mean Mommy" goes back into her cave! When time-out isn't an option I literally stop what I am doing, take a deep breath, and count to 10...sounds cheesy, I know, but it gets me past that angry bubble and some sanity seeps back into me.

Kate

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
~Confucius



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LENKA763's Photo LENKA763 Posts: 2,395
2/18/11 2:21 P

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ohh.boy
I have to show this topic to my hubby.
he thinks that we are not normal ,that our boys needs therapy and we the parents need parenting consultation.
I have taken quite a bit of courses and participate in our pre-school programs.
meet with parent educator and who knows what..but still there is time when i snap too.

it is nice to know that it happens...somewhere else too

THANK YOU ALL

In dreams and in life, nothing is impossible.


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FLOWERGIRLZ3 SparkPoints: (452)
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1/18/11 10:29 A

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Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am so glad to know that I am not the only one that does not have super human powers to always ignore the bad behavior and screaming and fighting.

My girls are 2 and 4 and sometimes they just go at it, and most of the time I can "be the adult" and handle it the right way, but then there are times when I just can't, whether I'm overwhelmed, or I've just had enough for the day, I snap a little and of course I feel awful afterward... but now I know that I'm not crazy... now I know that I just have to keep trying to be patient and being a good mom doesn't mean utter perfection!!! emoticon

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SBEHNKE2's Photo SBEHNKE2 SparkPoints: (6,828)
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1/18/11 9:25 A

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I think we all yell at our kids now and again. I find myself yelling when I am really tired or when I am overwhelmed and not getting any help.

I also feel terrible when I stop yelling - and this is something I have tried to work on. When the kids make me that mad, I try (don't always succeed, but I do try) to take at least 3 deep breaths. This often calms me down enough to talk to them rather than yell.

And when I fail, I apologize after yelling at them. Parents need to model good behavior, but we also need to let our kids know that we are human. We also make mistakes, but it is important to apologize when we are in the wrong.

Good luck!

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SEISMOANNA Posts: 69
1/18/11 5:44 A

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Thanks for putting this topic up. I have two little ones - my daughter is 3 and 3 months, and my son is 22 months. They have just started playing together (rather than alongside each other) but inevitably this leads to arguments, shoves, shouts etc. Sometimes I just let them get on with it. Other times I intervene. Recently my daughter has started to ignore everything I say and to whine about everything and so I end up shouting and then of course it gets worse. She shouts more. Proper tantrums three times yesterday. I did finally try just ignoring her and getting on with what I was doing and saying that I would only speak to people who spoke properly and quietly to me and she did calm down after a few minutes. I asked what had upset her and she didn't know.

You're right that we have to remember they are just children and life is scary. I think my daughter is really looking for my approval at the moment and if she doesn't get it she reacts even worse. If I congratulate my son for doing something well she'll hit him or pull faces though I still think that rewarding good behaviour is better than punishing bad behaviour so I'm going to try to keep that going anyway. I must also set myself the no shouting rule.

One thing that pleased me in a kind of guilty way yesterday was that my daughter wouldn't even listen to my husband - usually she stops screaming when he tells her not to but yesterday she gave him hell too so at least I know it's not just me.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to get this off my chest and to see how everyone is handling it. I'm going to try out some of your tips. Keep them coming!

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FLYINGTOFREEDOM's Photo FLYINGTOFREEDOM SparkPoints: (72,469)
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12/3/10 7:42 A

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I agree, my almost 3 year old loves to push my buttons and she has cried bloody murder for hours at a time just to finally get me riled up. The longer I ignore, her the longer she will go until it makes me snap. I have been a lot better since taking my parenting classes, but I still need improvement/.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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DISGAL's Photo DISGAL Posts: 41
12/2/10 7:35 P

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I find that I'm the yelling mom a lot, especially when faced with the screaming child. My three-year-old has taken to screaming bloody murder at the drop of the hat. 75% of the time, I can handle it. I send her to her room or ignore her until she can speak normally. But sometimes, I just can't keep control of myself and I end up yelling right back. It's like I see red and snap. It's a challenge that we have to fight every day. Our kids learn what pushes our buttons and I think they (or at least mine) know that their tactics are working when we lose control of our temper.

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29213511's Photo 29213511 SparkPoints: (0)
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11/24/10 6:52 P

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I am so glad that you asked this question. It lets me know that I'm not alone on this struggle as well.
I definitely try to be a good mother, and have come a long ways from where I was ten years ago. However, I don't want my boys to grow up thinking that they have to yell to get their point across.
I've been working on keeping my voice at the same level regardless as to what I'm saying. I have also tried whispering instead (amazingly the whispering worked wonders because they had to stop what they were doing to listen to me.) I read about the whispering trick in one of my magazines, but unfortunately I can't remember which one so I can't give proper credit to them.

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FLYINGTOFREEDOM's Photo FLYINGTOFREEDOM SparkPoints: (72,469)
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11/23/10 9:10 A

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I signed up for parenting classes through the school geared towards families with different ages. I'll tell you what, that was the best six classes that I have spent my time in. I learned so much and my life has literaally changed in the last three weeks. I learned some things that I didn't know would help with dealing with my children. The basic thing that has chagned my life is paraphrasing. Repeating back what they say to us. It is simple, easy and cheap. And I'll tell you what, it worked so well with my 2 year old that she sleeps better, she acts better and she doesn't act bad just to get my attention. She really feels like I'm listening to her now and it is as simple as repeating what she says to me. She has even started talking more, less whiny, less crying, etc. I'm doing this with my 8 year old and she seems to have improved also. I feel like my children and I are getting along better, there is less stress, I get more me time, but they get the positive attention that they want, so I don't have to yell or get mad as much. Sometimes they still test me, but in just the last three weeks, I will bet that I have yelled 99% less than I have in many years. I am also taking other parenting courses but they are once a month. I have learned so much about my children and where they are in development, that I can now stop and figure out if I am expecting too much from their ages.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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BYEBYE12's Photo BYEBYE12 SparkPoints: (19,093)
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11/23/10 8:50 A

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Take a deep breathe and if you have to walk away. I have read and will be re-reading over the weekend Love and Logic. It is a great book on parenting. It is an easy read. Tell the kids you are going to take a break or send them to their rooms. The next time they ask for something from you, you have every right to say no. If they question it, say when you are ready to listen and do as I ask then you can have what you would like to have. It is all about natural consequences and learning opportunities. They say never get angry unless it is causing you physical harm or something to that matter, because in essence, children are children, and they are pushing limits, independence and to see what you are going to do, and they need structure. Be your word! Do what you say you are going to do the FIRST time! Good luck! I have to practice skills all the time. You are not alone!

**** Leslie *****



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THESUGARFAIRY's Photo THESUGARFAIRY Posts: 418
11/12/10 8:13 P

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Sometimes, just sometimes, I sing. That's right. I sing a made-up song of how angry I feel. I lament on how they are not paying attention to me as a person and how I can not fix the world for them. A song about listening and using words.

Then after everyone is creeped out I head for a different room, close the door, and make faces and obsence jestures toward them, but they don't know.

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ANNESYLVIA's Photo ANNESYLVIA SparkPoints: (162,994)
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11/4/10 11:54 A

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Yes, part power struggle part wanting attention and part laziness! What are you gonna do? Sometime it is better just to give in rather then yell at them. Especially if you are trying to yell less. emoticon


Anne emoticon

Leader SP Class of May 2-8, 2010

"Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important." ~~unknown~~

A sound mind and healthy body bring many happy events to your life and family.
*Unknown

"Laughter: my drug of choice!"

:p "Computers, can't live without them and Can't you can't upgrade them fast enough!"

As for my workouts, FORGET THE "No pain, No gain." this does not work for me. "I will do it until I'm sore, and then I will soar!"


 
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11/4/10 8:39 A

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Yes, I have an 8 year old girl a 2 year old girl and a 10 month son. My 8 year old has been dressing herself for a long time. But every once in a awhile she will ask me to tie her shoes, or help her with something. now my 2 year old will power struggle with me all the time with everything and it drives me nuts. if she doesn't get her way, she cries and screams at the top of her lungs. ugh. it is hard. And yes, I think your kids know that you will help them so they just expect it when they feel like not doing it. I feel ya, I'm right there living it with you. I am half german and boy my kids know it.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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11/4/10 8:25 A

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I have a 7 year old boy and a 5 year girl. Both know how to put there own clothes on. Yet they both insist I "help" put on their clothes. At first I did not mind but when I saw they both were able to put on their own clothes...from choosing what to wear (&doing a good job matching too)from underwear to socks to top and bottom even sneaker (if they are Velcro or slip ons. I stop. Well the tears they shed! (Are they kidding me?)Everyday they come up with a different excuse as why I should "help" them. I.E: I don't know where my clothes are!...Really try the closet or draws in your room. I don't know what goes with it! Really, think what you were it with last week and wear that! And of course there are those days where they dress themselves without being told to. It never ends in this house. Do they need my help want my help or is it just a control game? In fact my son and I got into a tiff over the summer because I put out his outfit almost everyday to save time. And if he needed help he would call me. Well, one morning it was getting late and he did not come down for breakfast yet and did not ask for help. Time was running out. So, I went up to investigate. He was sitting naked on his bed! My reaction...I yelled the words "What are you doing Logan?" He reply...Why do YOU always have to choose what I wear!?!?" ~~~~~~~I will give you one guess to the question: Did Anne yell her response to her son's question or did she search for her daughter Sylvia and give her a reward for getting dress promptly? (hint... I am an American of Italian and Spanish heritage.) emoticon emoticon emoticon


My advice to you...Let it go! And hope when it is her turn to walk down the isle she will ask you to help her get dress and not her best friend! emoticon


emoticon Anne emoticon

Leader SP Class of May 2-8, 2010

"Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important." ~~unknown~~

A sound mind and healthy body bring many happy events to your life and family.
*Unknown

"Laughter: my drug of choice!"

:p "Computers, can't live without them and Can't you can't upgrade them fast enough!"

As for my workouts, FORGET THE "No pain, No gain." this does not work for me. "I will do it until I'm sore, and then I will soar!"


 
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11/4/10 8:16 A

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I've been trying so hard not to yell, now I'm trying to take a deep breath and lower my voice, but put it into a deeper tone, much like dad's voice. And it seems to grab their attention instead of my screaming. And I;m getting better and giving them the attention that they crave and need and deserve. And the other day, I had a bad day at work, when I c ame home they all three came at me needing me. I told them all that I wanted to give them my time, but that I had a bad day and mommy needed to ride her bike to get in a better mood. I told them that when I was done, they could have me the rest of the night. They waited patiently while i rode my stationary bike and hung out in the bedroom with me and then after that, they all got waht they wanted. My children have been acting so much better now, I just sometimes get frustrated and yell and then I apologize so I'm trying so hard not to do it in the first place.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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MALEPHICENT's Photo MALEPHICENT Posts: 35
11/3/10 6:15 P

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Great ideas! Yeah, I try to use the positive stuff, too. More and more, however, I find that I'm just able to put stuff into perspective and realize that most of what I'd been getting upset about really wasn't so important. When I calm down, the kids are actually MORE receptive to me. Now, if I can only get my daughter to put her own clothes on . . .

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11/3/10 6:10 P

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Well, I am a yelling mom too! emoticon And the moment I stop yelling I feel terrible! emoticon

The ironic thing is when I was a classroom teacher I hardly yelled and I was not big on punishment. I was more into rewards. So, instead of telling "such n such" to sit out for several minutes (torture for young kids)I would seek out the children who were behaving. And reward them in front of the other students. Gold star stickers, class leader, etc. So, I been trying this with my children (5 & 7). Hey Sylvia great job! You get extra sprinkles on your ice-cream. Good listen Logan. I believe you deserve an extra 10 minutes on the X-box. Even something as simple as "I so proud of you two for listening the first time I gonna kiss you all over! emoticon And then maybe acknowledge it to another family member in front of them. I.E: Why don't you get the phone so mommy can tell uncle how wonderful you both were today? It keeps me from yelling a little less. And the kids want the little rewards. In fact I hear them reminding each other about what they may get if they listen and behave well. Good Luck! emoticon

Anne emoticon

Leader SP Class of May 2-8, 2010

"Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important." ~~unknown~~

A sound mind and healthy body bring many happy events to your life and family.
*Unknown

"Laughter: my drug of choice!"

:p "Computers, can't live without them and Can't you can't upgrade them fast enough!"

As for my workouts, FORGET THE "No pain, No gain." this does not work for me. "I will do it until I'm sore, and then I will soar!"


 
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MALEPHICENT's Photo MALEPHICENT Posts: 35
9/18/10 12:30 A

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For now, I'm trying this: I installed a "no screaming" rule for myself. It seems to help. Now that I know I can't go there, I just don't seem to get as mad. I hope I can keep this up and find new and better ways to persuade my children to be good listeners. :)

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PRETTYMANDI's Photo PRETTYMANDI Posts: 1,148
9/17/10 12:04 A

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this happens to all of us

"If I don't log my food, my butt will!"


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CHICHISUE's Photo CHICHISUE Posts: 49
9/16/10 10:12 P

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I was that mom today too. You're not alone. I felt like all day I was telling my daughter, "no" and "stop that". I felt like I was on a thin line today. It's heart breaking, but so hard to stop in the moment. I know she just wanted my attention instead of me doing laundry and dishes etc... etc... I think part of it is that we as moms need a few moments to check out. Reconnect with ourselves for a minute or 10 so we don't reach that boiling point too quickly. Easier said than done... right?

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9/16/10 8:00 A

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when you find out, let me know. I feel bad, but sometimes, it is like they just don't want to hear anything I say or want them to do. It is an automatic no when it comes to asking them to do something.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

Co-Leader of "Emotional Eaters"

Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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MALEPHICENT's Photo MALEPHICENT Posts: 35
9/16/10 12:31 A

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How do I stop being the yelling mom? I sometimes scream at my kids when I am upset and want them to listen to me. I stress out too easily and it really hurts them. How do I stop?

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