Author: Sorting Last Post on Top ↓ Message:
JOHANINO's Photo JOHANINO SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (2,699)
Posts: 1,265
2/2/09 10:08 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Och no worries green girl. You had a bad day. I'm having lots of them right now food wise. So big hugs and hoping today is better. And feel free to rant. It's okay. We understand. emoticon .

Well praying today is better for you and hoping you're doing okay today.

Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. Know I am here for you if you need me.

Hugs

Jo

Godliness with contentment is great gain [1 Tim 6:6]

Being in Debt is normal. Let's be WEIRD!!

Together we can do this. By God's grace!


 current weight: 135.4 
 
203
184.75
166.5
148.25
130
VIOLABEC's Photo VIOLABEC Posts: 701
2/1/09 11:19 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hey there --

Sounds like you had an awful day, I am so sorry for that. Worse is that you feel so badly about yourself. I wish you wouldn't, but I understand.

I'm so happy that today was better and making a schedule tomorrow sounds like a good plan !!

Please don't beat yourself up. It's such a vicious cycle, isn't it? I completely understand why you are upset with yourself, honestly I would be too ... but from someone removed from the situation (me!) -- you are MORE than this stupid ed. From what I've seen from your responses and such, you are really cool. So .......... good luck with tomorrow and your "schedule" .... it's a good idea actually, maybe I'll do one too.

ciao bella,

Becca

 current weight: 120.0 
 
120
120
120
120
120
PSYCHOGREENGIRL's Photo PSYCHOGREENGIRL Posts: 9,247
2/1/09 9:29 P

Send Private Message
Reply
True, today ended up being much better. It wasn't spectacular, but I didn't go too far overboard and was able to stop and curb it before i went nuts. I also did my best to just stay really busy and it helped. the crummy sleep has screwed up my schedule and i've had a hard time keeping my eating going well.

tomorrow's monday, so i'll be making a schedule again. it oughta help. thanks, though.

I'm a nerd out of habit, not out of spite.

"This is a revolution, dammit...we're going to have to offend SOMEBODY!!!"--John Adams, "1776"


 current weight: 204.6 
 
209
189.25
169.5
149.75
130
CINDYT63's Photo CINDYT63 Posts: 1,250
2/1/09 6:46 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I know it's hard, but try to find some compassion for yourself somewhere in all that. Maybe if you could identify some of the choices you made that led you to make other choices that you didn't want to make that would be helpful. Sometimes, I just know I'm going to binge, I feel it in me, and it happens. But sometimes there is a space for turning back. Just try to learn what you can and go forward. We've all been there and done that. It's what we do. No use beating yourself up.
Cindy

 current weight: 198.0 
 
215.8
204.85
193.9
182.95
172
PSYCHOGREENGIRL's Photo PSYCHOGREENGIRL Posts: 9,247
2/1/09 1:43 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Hey guys!

I had the worst food day ever yesterday, at least, forever as in the past few months.

I couldn't believe myself, especially when the rest of the day was going so well. I mean, I got diddly sleep during the night (not for lack of trying) and got up, went to my very fun and interesting teacher workshop, then started to come home. I don't know why, but even the good choices i made went bad in a hurry.

I had fast food for breakfast (so tired i ran out of the house without making coffee, ended up getting breakfast, too), then had a great sandwich lunch during our break time. it was a box lunch, and very yummy, but its so big i used to eat half, wait a few hours, and eat the other half. this time i ate the whole thing in one sitting, most of the pasta, all the fruit salad, and the cookie before going off to the second half of the workshop. i couldn't believe it, but its like i just couldn't control myself. After a lecture i didn't have to attend, but was interesting, i went to the wine and snack reception and just got slices and slices of poundcake (they ran out long before i got in line last time i did this and i was mad), and it was good and that was going to be my last thing, my craving buster for the rest of the day, so i indulged. I hung around another 20 minutes then decided to go.

of course, things just don't work that way. On my way home i was kind of craving chinese food and wanted to stop by the mall and look for art books and get some chinese. for 30 miles, i debated going to the mall, and ended up going. i skipped through the food court quick, went to look for books (they didn't have the ones i wanted) and decided to leave. but that smell tempted me, so i said i'd just get two egg rolls for the way home and i'd be done.

only i bought the egg rolls and a container of chicken fried rice. I decided i'd save the fried rice for today's meals instead. when i got home, i felt so nauseous i purged. Then i drank some tea, proceeded to eat half the box full of chinese food, and was so upset at myself that i went to the bathroom to purged again. I was frustrated and angry and tried to do some things, but no sleep and the full day were taking my toll. i was trying to stay awake a little longer so i could clean and stuff. I ate the rest of the chinese food, then went to try and purge it and couldn't. i didn't have enough fluids in me to do it.

i was freaking out and crying and mad at myself because i completely screwed up what should have been a great day--and was--except for the stupidity of my cravings and taste buds. i wasn't even particularly hungry, but my mind decided i needed to chow down and let my taste buds enjoy. Amazingly, after all that, i took a small slice of spice cake (to kill the discomfort in my stomach from all the purging--yeah right, the taste buds struck again) and i filled up on hot decaf tea in hopes i'd feel a little better.

God, its no wonder i probably couldn't sleep last night. its like i knew what i was doing to myself and i just did it anyway, like a freaking moron. i can't believe i was that stupid, and it makes me so mad!!! it only seemed to slow down--not stop, but slow down, then stop--when i reminded myself that today would be a new day. I'm so angry because in two days i know i just killed off the progress i'd been trying to make for a good week and a half (flu kind of kept me back and persistent soreness and cold from doing outside activities that were helping before). i'm just so damned angry at myself now.

I need to breathe. I didn't start particularly strong today either. had a small piece of spice cake and some ramen soup, but i am getting my liquids in and i'm at home with my fresh fruits and veggies, so i'll be much better the rest of the day i'm sure. I need to calm down, and i can now, but last night i was so distressed. Now i'm okay, i hope, i just need to re-evaluate my position, and cold-be-damned, i'm gonna go out there and do some stuff if i can (got a ton of laundry and e-mails to catch up on today, and i can do it and it'll keep me out of the kitchen unless i need hot tea.) the good thing is dad'll have the rest of the cake finished off in no time, so i don't have to worry about that.

well, i have some coffee (decaf) to make, tea to guzzle, and an office that i'm hell-bent on cleaning. this is what i should've been doing last night instead of all that ickyness, and i could be done and ready to work, but i'm not. I'll take a breather, have some good tunes on for noise, and do much better today.

I'm a nerd out of habit, not out of spite.

"This is a revolution, dammit...we're going to have to offend SOMEBODY!!!"--John Adams, "1776"


 current weight: 204.6 
 
209
189.25
169.5
149.75
130
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other ED GOODBYE! Facts & Definitions Posts

Topics: Last Post:
Compulsive Binging 6/27/2013 6:17:42 PM

Thread URL: http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=5657x1012x22477037

Review our Community Guidelines