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SOARINGPHOENIX's Photo SOARINGPHOENIX Posts: 1,754
4/23/12 3:20 P

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It may be a victory but without knowing the answer to the biopsy and wondering what's next I don't know what to think let alone feel.

Jenny or Jennifer in Peshtigo, WI
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4/23/12 2:33 P

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The best you can is a victory. Hang in there. Keep us posted.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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SOARINGPHOENIX's Photo SOARINGPHOENIX Posts: 1,754
4/22/12 7:15 P

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I am doing the best I can right now. I am not holding myself together really well so don't ask. I am falling apart right now.

Jenny or Jennifer in Peshtigo, WI
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4/22/12 12:36 A

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So sorry to hear of all the difficulties. Hoping the celiac diagnosis will help you be able to treat it, and finally feel better. This has been a long haul for you.

And sorry to hear about grandma. I remember when mom couldn't play cards anymore. Made it hard for everyone.

Sending prayers for all of you. Thanks for the update. How are you hanging in there?

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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SOARINGPHOENIX's Photo SOARINGPHOENIX Posts: 1,754
4/21/12 7:46 P

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an update on me I went through with the biopsy and it was still dermatitis. I am on treatment no 6 I think. Don't quote me on that though. I had an endoscopy done Wed. Doctor told me I might have celiac disease. He sent in a biopsy to see if that is the case. Will know next Wed. so I am hoping that I find out for sure. Grandma is going down hill fast. Not doing her puzzles or playing cards with us.

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3/13/12 1:21 P

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So sorry it's taking so long to find a solution that works, proud of you for hanging in there in the meantime. So sorry to hear of grandma's wandering, glad she is safe and sound now.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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SOARINGPHOENIX's Photo SOARINGPHOENIX Posts: 1,754
2/21/12 11:37 P

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An update on how things are going. First on me I am treatment no 5 with my problem that was a yeast infection but now is dermatitis. However if this don't work I will be going in for a biopsy. Grandma is now in the hospital. She was found wondering around outside in pj's and shoe-less. She apparently fell as well and suffered hypothermia. She is on Aspirin for her arthritis since that kept her up at night. Not a lot more to add either.

Jenny or Jennifer in Peshtigo, WI
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1/10/12 9:13 P

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Oh, dear SOARING PHOENIX, so sorry to hear of the new troubles. My heart goes out to you. I pray that you will find answers, comfort, and peace; bless you for your care of grandma. It's hard when they start to shut down, spending more time asleep than awake; and knowing this is a normal part of the journey doesn't really make it easier, does it? We just want them to perk up and be themselves, the way we remember them.

There is help, and hope, though at times it may seem far away. Hang in there, we care.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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SOARINGPHOENIX's Photo SOARINGPHOENIX Posts: 1,754
12/18/11 8:24 P

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I know I have been mia for a while but a lot has been going on with me. In June I had my gall bladder out and then I found out in Late Nov. that I had 2 hernias. Within a week or two of that I found out the number went up to three. So I am dealing with a lot of pain. My grandma is declining rapidly she is sleeping a lot now and the only way she wakes up is if I am the one to plead with her to get up from her nap. I right now also have another yeast infection. I am really at wits end with all that's going on since it never seems to end.

Edited by: SOARINGPHOENIX at: 12/18/2011 (20:24)
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SOARINGPHOENIX's Photo SOARINGPHOENIX Posts: 1,754
3/21/11 9:31 P

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I find zumba not only easier but a lot of fun you don't even know you're working out because the time flies with it. I have 2 of the workout videos. My yeast infection finally went away but the other one has not and well the hernia is another story all together. My bacterial infection is gone but the hernia may need to be repaired. So I am going in for a cat scan now. another update Grandma fell asleep and forgot about toast in the toaster which then caught fire and caused her apt to fill with smoke. So she may end up in a nursing home now for sure.

Edited by: SOARINGPHOENIX at: 3/28/2011 (13:07)
Jenny or Jennifer in Peshtigo, WI
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3/21/11 3:43 P

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So sorry to hear of the decline, and your health issues. This must be so hard. I am so impressed with your ability to still keep your health goals in focus, and continue with your eating plan and exercise, despite the difficulties. I see you use zumba, do you find it easier than other exercises on painful joints? How do you like it?

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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SOARINGPHOENIX's Photo SOARINGPHOENIX Posts: 1,754
3/19/11 3:53 P

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just an update on my grandma and on me in general. My grandma is getting worse with the meds not being changed. Her ability to understand is greatly diminished and she has lost interest in a lot of things. Her caregiver meaning me is worn out and going through a lot as well health wise. I have 2 infections plus a hernia. So pray for me.

Jenny or Jennifer in Peshtigo, WI
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2/18/11 12:29 P

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How is she?

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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SOARINGPHOENIX's Photo SOARINGPHOENIX Posts: 1,754
2/15/11 10:46 A

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My grandma is not doing well without a change to the meds. She had no interest in it at all. I really hate how it hurts me to see her like this.

Jenny or Jennifer in Peshtigo, WI
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SOARINGPHOENIX's Photo SOARINGPHOENIX Posts: 1,754
2/11/11 4:42 P

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well after talking to my aunt terri things are being worked out but if it goes back to this crap I would believe court is the only way to go

Jenny or Jennifer in Peshtigo, WI
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2/11/11 3:42 P

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So glad you were able to keep us updated, sorry it isn't going well. I am proud of you for caring for grandma, and her wishes.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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SOARINGPHOENIX's Photo SOARINGPHOENIX Posts: 1,754
2/10/11 8:34 P

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The battle continues folks. She said to my grandma on the phone about having a little talk with mother. I was ready to rip the phone out of grandma's hand and tell my aunt where to go with that little talk bit. I am so full of anger about this that it makes me steamed to think she can push her opinion on us. I feel court is now the only option to settle this.

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2/7/11 11:59 A

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I'm glad to hear that someone helped the truth to air. So sorry this has to be so hard on both you and grandma, and the family in general. Hang in there. We care.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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SOARINGPHOENIX's Photo SOARINGPHOENIX Posts: 1,754
2/7/11 11:42 A

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An update on things with grandma and family issues. Okay apparently my aunt lied to my mother to see if it would work. Uncle Bob set the record straight. He told my aunt that if grandma can take care of herself. She can stay there. However we are not out of the woods yet! She is pushing for a nursing home and quite forcefully since she wants the paperwork the doctor should have sent so she can put grandma there. I think it's time to go to court it may be the only way to look out for her better interest.

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2/4/11 9:31 P

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I am so glad you stopped in and posted. It made my day to hear from you. But my heart breaks for you as well. This has to be so hard, so, so, hard. My prayers are with you.

Caregiving is hard enough, without all this dissention. Poor you, and poor grandma, being stuck in the middle this way. My sincerest sympathy for all this unnecessary extra burden.

This week for my son's homeschool classes, we've been studying personality types. We took the quiz at www.41q.com/ as well as several others, they all came up with the same answers. We then read about the personality types at personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-prote
ct
ors/
by scrolling down under the forum name, and clicking on the link that matches the four letter symbol for each personality type. A whole bunch of links show up on the next page for articles about that type, by clicking the article link at the top of the list on that page.

I was totally amazed when we did this, to see our family members in a whole new light. I was surprised to see how their strengths and weaknesses were so accurately listed. Suddenly we could see why we reacted the way we did, and why others did what they did. Seeing how they see things so differently from myself, how their mind works, was one of the most fascinating projects we've done.

Not that having a bent in a certain way is ever an excuse for bad behavior, rudeness, etc. But seeing what is 'normal' for each temperament made it easier for me to understand. I see my family with new eyes, and it is helping me deal with them better.

Sadly, it doesn't fix our differences, but at least I know better what to expect.

I certainly pray that you will find peace through all this, this would be turning me inside out. May gram find what's best for her in all of this, and may she have peace to deal with whatever the final result is. Please keep us posted as you can, we care.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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SOARINGPHOENIX's Photo SOARINGPHOENIX Posts: 1,754
2/4/11 12:09 P

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Hi guys I know I haven't posted in a while and it is mainly because I am on a spark leave since I am going through a lot right now. Right now to make matters worse my family is again split down the middle for the second time in a row thanks to my aunt Shirley playing my uncle and aunt against Mom and me. I am so angry right now that I could throw something. Why must she continually push to have things her way? I have forewarned her more than once that if she pushes the issue it will be over my dead body she gets it. I am not talking of killing myself here. So don't get me wrong! I mean simply any and all connection I have with her will be no more. She treats me like dirt and cares not that she hurts me by her words. There has been more than one occasion we sparred with words. She can be down right nasty if she chooses to be. I am thinking of nullifying any relationship with her, Carol, Bob and Terri on the grounds that we may get in another fight. The last time this happened they accused my mom of being a little kid for crying out loud. That coming from my aunt Carol. Where did it civility go when it comes to caring for your elderly family member. In my opinion must have gone out the window at some point with the family. The pendulum swings with 4 in favor changing the meds and then goes to 4 for nursing home. I think my aunt is playing dirty tricks to outvote us for a nursing home. I will not stand for this any longer if I have to I will have her poa rights ripped from her and Carol to make my point clear. I am tired of this family being split down the middle. Enough is enough. I want it to stop. She refuses to change the pills. And yet she wants her in a nursing home before it is time. When did grandma having dementia mean time to go in a nursing home I would like to know?
Jennifer

Edited by: SOARINGPHOENIX at: 2/4/2011 (12:19)
Jenny or Jennifer in Peshtigo, WI
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9/30/09 11:02 P

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Annie, I really appreciate your post. I think this is one of the true blessings of this team, is that we can share at the heart level. A burden shared is a burden eased.

MIMI, you really made me think with your post. I hadn't thought of Jesus weeping in this context before. If Jesus himself, master of the universe, creator and savior, still weeps at death--why on earth should we feel guilty that we are not 'rocks'? It wouldn't have been included in the Bible if it wasn't important. Perhaps crucially important to those of us that somehow feel like we should have been stronger. Stronger than Christ himself?

So allow yourself to grieve. Grieving does not start at the grave, it starts when we have loss. And lets face it, watching our loved ones slip away minute by minute is a huge loss. Grieving is part of the process, it isn't being 'weak', it is part of the process of letting go. And it takes time.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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ANNIESADVENTURE's Photo ANNIESADVENTURE Posts: 4,987
9/30/09 9:02 P

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I miss my mom. She was my best friend for so many years. I started losing her long before she passed away when she could no longer comprehend or remember anything more than surface level conversations. She suffered so much in the latter part of her life that we were thankful when it ended. With each health crisis over the last 20 years of her life, I put myself through the grieving process. Who knows, maybe that ultimately helped.
I did not feel strong the day she died in inpatient-hospice. They gave us time with mom before preparing her for the funeral home. Everyone was ready to leave, and I still cry to remember myself standing by her bedside, reluctant to leave, pathetically saying, "But we never leave her alone." Sis said, "She's not here anymore. You have to be strong for Dad." My head knew it, but my heart wasn't ready. My tears were causing Dad concern because he said I had always been there for them. It was a turning point.

My cousins said my mother's funeral was the most un-sad funeral they ever attended. We celebrated her life. It came down to our faith. This is really what we live for. This is what our faith in God is all about. It sustained and carried us. We knew we would see her again. This was only good bye for a period. Life is so incredibly short.

Recently when I was in the hospital, I wanted to call mom and talk to her. Even now when I'm home and recovering, I have whispered more than a few times, "I want my mother." Sometimes I still talk to her when I am alone.

Losing our precious loved ones is hard. All we can do is listen and cry with you, pray for you, and wrap you in hugs.
Annie



Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 9/30/2009 (21:17)
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9/26/09 5:26 P

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I think this is one of the best things about this job, we get to think about things from a very different point of view.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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MIMI721's Photo MIMI721 Posts: 779
9/26/09 5:18 P

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emoticon , you are so right, I think we all feel the same way about death even though we know that those that have gone on before us are saved and up there just wait for us the day we arrive.
We I lost my Aunt last year, after coming around, I stopped for a sec and thought about Jesus the day he wept at Lazarus' grave. I know he feels our pain everytime we loose someone, yet he too showed us another thing, the time of a Joy he experienced as he raised he from the dead. Makes me think of the time we will all get to share with Him and those we love who have gone on before us when we join them in Heaven.

If God brings you to it, he

Those who believe they can do something are probably right – and so are those who believe they can’t.”will see you through it....


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9/25/09 6:08 P

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Karen, so beautifully shared. It's funny, I hate death, and fight it tooth and nail. And yet, on the other hand, you have to wonder why. If you love the Lord, and have hope of eternity in paradise with all your loved ones that have gone on before--wouldn't you think we'd be anticipating the move, instead of dreading it?

Its so hard to broaden your view to the bigger picture, when all you can see is the here and now.

You had such good thoughts to share, I really appreciate what you had to say.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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MIMI721's Photo MIMI721 Posts: 779
9/25/09 4:34 P

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Hi Cathie,
I very much feel your pain. I'm blessed to still have my mother. Like to have lost her back in 2001. Death is a funny thing isn't it. We never want it to happen, especially to those we love and charish the most. But, we cannot hang onto them forever like we'd like too.
Judy gave you some Awsome advice. I too agree that you and your mom while she is there with you,talk about it. Let her know just how you feel and I bet she will let you know how she feels too.
Just last year I lost my Aunt who was a Very special person to me, to pancreatic cancer. I was so close to her that I took her death the hardest. Funny, I didn't think I would. I was strong through the whole 3 months we had her here with us. Helped her get all the legal stuff done. She wanted me to have the Medical Power of attorney and gave the other to my mom and dad. I drew her up a will and then we enjoyed the rest of her time together. Laughed, cried but most importantly, talked about our feelings and shared the thought about her dying.
My mother, much like you dad (denial). I have been in health care over 20 years and knew what to expect from all angles, and Mom was experiencing them. Anyway, I knew exactly where my Aunt stood on her approaching death. She was not afraid, she was ready to go. Saved by the blood of Jesus and her work here on earth was about finished.
I got to watch some AMAZING things happen within those three months. I saw her get to complete a few things she'd like too and see her two daughters just one more time.
I, like you have been looked up too for a long time now as the STRONG one of the family. One with all the answers and as you said "the rock". Well, as I've always told my husband, I'm not the rock that people think I am. One day this ol' rock is going to crumble and....the day my Aunt passed, I crumbled... I can still here her sweat voice saying to me, "take care of your mother, don't ever leave her alone".
I will tell you this, you are stronger than you really feel you are. I will tell you also, that whether or not they like it, things must be explained to the others. Give your dad sometime. He will come around to excepting things, my mother did. If they do not choose to have dialysis in hopes to add another year or two longer or more to her life, he will need to come to face the cold hard truth.
You will be there for them. You will be able to laugh and cry with them both and I now this for sure, Our Heavenly Father will guide you, give you the strength you need and help you through this situation.
My heart really goes out to you! I'm shed a tear or two reading your and Judy's comments. Also, you will be here getting support from the team and a lot of prayers.

God Bless You and Your Family,
Karen

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WANTABEE6's Photo WANTABEE6 Posts: 362
4/20/09 10:55 P

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Judy... Thank you for answering back. It helped,And yes I do cry and cry.All the legal things and pre funeral arrangements are done and taken care of and all pre paid, will everything done. Pictures I have funny no one ever wanted them until I started doing things with them. My mom was an excellent organizer of every thing. She loved order. They went to the kidney doctor today she is holding for now, but her white cell and red blood cells keep droping and that is the kidney failure. so he will see here again in a few weeks. The procet shot they give her is very expensive and thank god medacare takes care of that, but even that isn't helpng much, so watching food intake is what is holding her for now. When she is her with me I juice for her she doesn't like it but she does drink it. I had to laugh sunday morning I juiced up about 8 veg. then juiced some wheat grass to me I like it it tastes sweet, she said are you giving me grass to drink. Told her that veg. juice youare drinking is rushing through your veins and saying nutrition oh thank you. She just laughed gave me that funny smile of hers and said you are my strange daughter but I love you dearly.
Thanks for shareing about your mom an i am sorry that you don't have the mom you remember but hold on to those memories of how she was, some where deep inside of her she is still there. God be with you and he answered my prayers today in many ways, so enstead of crying me a river I cried a pond. Cathie

When you can find someone who can see your flaws and your under-developed character,and love you in spite of it all, you are blessed.

When God makes an appointment with you, something awesome is going to happen.

Nothing tastes as good as slender feels.

God Please Put Your Arm on My Shoulder and Your Hand Across MY Mouth!
Cathie Vermilion,Ohio USA


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4/20/09 1:39 P

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Cathie, what great questions! I agree that writing things out here helps clarify things in my own mind. Don't worry about long, sometimes I ramble on for ever, trying to get my head around something. I think it helps.

I am afraid I don't know much about kidney failure. What I read today seemed pretty contradictory. One article said parsley and dandelion greens were good for the kidney. Another said that people with kidney failure needed to limit potassium, and both of those plants were on the high potassium list!

I guess it's like a lot of the other advice you get. One article says to eat more dairy, it helps you to lose weight. The next says no one should eat dairy, it causes weight gain. Sigh. How do you know what to do? Guess you just pick something and try it and hope for the best.

Anyway, I understand your mom and dialysis. From the time I was little, mom told me that if she collapsed out in the garden, to leave her there! She didn't want life support, she had seen enough of that, and didn't want to go there. She always told me to just let her go peacefully.

That's a lot easier said than done. I've called the ambulance a number of times already. Once when she had pnuemonia, twice when she fell. Those were acute problems, that hopefully would be cured quickly.

You've run into the other side of the coin. Your mother has a chronic, life threatening illness, and has decided she doesn't want to go the dialysis route. I understand her decision. My mother would make the exact same decision.

The problem is, that puts a timeline on your mother's life. The doctors can monitor kidney function, but they know what the outcome will be if nothing is done. And so do you. And that's scary. We all treat life as if we will live eternally here. Funny, how we ignore the subject of death, as if it will never happen, all the while knowing that it will happen to all of us.

Husband was just saying today how sometimes this can be a blessing. We all will die, but we live as if we have all the time in the world. A co-worker of his has been diagnosed with a bad heart, and hopefully this will give the man time to rethink some of his choices, before it is too late.

Thinking about dying can be a blessing. It gives us time to think about the legacy we are leaving. Time to do those things we would want done before we go. Time to make whatever arrangements we have failed to make. We don't like to think about it, but it is a real part of living. We pass the baton on to those who remain, only to have them do the same when their time comes, the cycle of life is normal and natural.

Having said that, I will tell you that since I was a child, I have never dealt with death or cruelty well. When they showed 'Black Beauty' on Disney, and they beat the horse in one scene, I was so upset I ran out of the house screaming, and slammed the door so hard it shattered! I cry whenever I think of death separating loved ones.

In one sense, the many years I have tended my mother has been like grieving, one small part of her at a time. My mother hasn't been the wonderful, warm, loving, creative, supportive person she was--not for many years now. I have lost that special person, one day, one minute at a time, one tiny piece at a time. I have had many years to grieve, the person I tend now isn't really my mother anymore.

Guess that's why family members rarely visit nursing homes. Because that person that drools, and leaks, and says inappropriate things, that doesn't know even themselves, that can't carry on a lucid conversation--that person isn't their loved one anyone, and it hurts to see the change in them.

You are having the opposite experience, where the prospect of the rock in your life, the one person that has always loved you unconditionally, is about to exit in the near future. It now has a name, and a timeline, and her death has become real to you. I grieve with you.

You are right, this IS hard, and you will not be carrying the entire family. They will have to make their own peace, even if they try to put that burden on you.

So what to do? I have several thoughts:

1. Go ahead and talk about it. Not talking isn't going to change anything, but it will prevent you and your mother from working out any details that would be better done now. At worst, you'll have all the arrangements made, words of love said, and then she'll get better and live healthily for the next ten years. Is that bad, to be prepared, and then not need it? What if you weren't prepared, and then wished you had? So cry together, bring lots of Kleenex, but talk. She may need to talk about it.

2. Decide what things need done. What about medical power of attorney, durable power of attorney, wills, living will? These need done while you can to navigate the maze to come.

3. Does someone know where her important documents are kept, where all the money is invested, deposited, owed? Is there insurance, with what companies?

4. Is there anything she would like to write down, or videotape, for her family? What about the family pictures, has she written down who all those people are? Is there anything she would especially like to give or say to anyone?

5. Hold her, love her, cherish her, cry with her. This is hard on everyone, you don't need to be a rock, just be there. Forget the 'our family doesn't do emotion' thing. Been there, done that.

6. Research other options. If there is no medical hope, you just might want to try an herbal or other alternative treatment. Can't hurt to try.

7. Pray. I know you said your dad didn't do church. Neither did my mom, she was hurt once, and never got over it. Didn't help her any, to hold onto that hurt all these years, but that's water under the bridge now. This is today, this is now. Forget the past.

This is where God is such a comfort. What he really wants is a relationship. . .sorry, just had the pre-census man here, (census is next year, they're just verifying where the houses are this year). . .and checked the baby bunnies. Just lost two, one escaped into the cold rain, one just didn't make it. Sigh. Like I said, I'm not real thrilled with death, even though as a farmer I know in my head it is part of life. Of course, the ones that died were my favorites, funny how that is usually true.

Gotta go. . .will pop in later. . .




Edited by: ANGORA4 at: 4/20/2009 (13:41)
Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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4/20/09 9:58 A

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OK I have a new question for you's hopeing something will help me with my mom. You see her kidneys are failing she is down 14% with their function this is causing a lot of problems. Some days she is real good then others it is bad. We have had to change alot of things around. Ex: she was double taking her pills, have to hide them now. She broke her fermer last year and has recovered to a point but walking sometimes is a task. We found out she was in the basement thursday, she is not aloud down there staris, falling ect. My dad does a great job of taking care of her and brother & sisters help alot. She doesn't need a nursing home for now. The big one is, I took her for the weekend to give my dad a break and her also and for me to have one on one with her we are very close and she is comfortable up here. Well my older sis wanted me to talk with mom (they do not have the best of relationships, More on my moms part) any way about her desires of dyalisa which she doesn't want & everyone doesn't know if she is fully aware of dyalisi's. Well i asked her and I feel she understands all what it involves and how it works. The problem my dad is in denial afraid of loosing her and wanting to control it an he knows he can't but he is a very proud man and has always been in control, because of past circumstands's his belief in the church has fallen (not in god, the church) so he doesn't go anymore. I know this is long sorry. Well we talked and the talk turned to dealth..... she was crying I was crying still am, I know in my heart my moms time is coming soon so does she, I am so fearful.... I don't want to loose my mom, she is my support, my life, my best friend... I don't know how I'm going to go on with out her around, her smile soothsa me over in times of struggle, her hugs are a up lifting to me. I hate what is happening, she is slipping away an I want to snap her up and protect her for the rest of my life. And I don't know how to talk to her about dealth... It is so final.... I just terminated that subject so fast it made my head turn. I ferfully changed the subject. I called a close friend who is going thru the same with her mom also, we talked, cryed, but it still did not help. I go to bed at night and dream of grandparents. aunts, uncles they are all gone, and the dream ends with my moms dealth.... This is so hard, soooo hard for me to share with people, you see I found out something about my self.....I CAN NOT CONTROL THIS and it hurts so bad. Our family has a real hard time sharing true feelings, an myself being the middle child and so close to my mon, brothers & sisters look to me to smooth over the ruff spots cause they know my mom shares with me and not them... I am not the rock I can barely support my self (feelings here) I can not hold them up. Am I wrong? How does one talk about dealth? I need help, then to maybe there is no help I don't want to go thur this.
I hope I don't upset anyone that is not what I want to do, I just thought someone can help me answer some of these questions. Thank you if nothing else I got some of these thoughts out. Cathie

When you can find someone who can see your flaws and your under-developed character,and love you in spite of it all, you are blessed.

When God makes an appointment with you, something awesome is going to happen.

Nothing tastes as good as slender feels.

God Please Put Your Arm on My Shoulder and Your Hand Across MY Mouth!
Cathie Vermilion,Ohio USA


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8/12/08 1:54 A

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Thank you my sweet friends.

Stacy

"I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ for it is the power of salvation to all who believe..." Romans 1:16


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SEASONING, know how you feel about change. This week we are also making some changes. Son has wanted a pet here, so we went to the fair and he picked out a bunny. We had to wait until the end of the week to get the little doe, so we went to another breeder during the week, and bought her a mate. DS is now the proud owner of a trio of Holland Lops (which he used to raise years ago at the farm). Back to feed bills and barn chores!

I am going with DH this week for him to pick up his bunnies. He also decided to raise some rabbits, so we are picking him up a few of a different breed.

We've been in "cut back to minimum and just get by" mode, that this has been a big change for us. We ordered a beef for the freezer from a friend. I've been out to pick veggies for the freezer. We got a dehydrator to put food up more economically of space and input. I even picked some blackberries on the way home from the auto shop.

I've been living on "emergency" mode for so long, it has been hard to start doing things again. It's like waking up from hibernation. We're still here taking care of mom. Nothing has changed, except our attitudes.

It was like parts of us died while waiting for mom to die. Now instead of waiting for death, we're celebrating life!

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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8/11/08 8:24 P

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Edited by: COOKIEBAKERCAT at: 9/10/2012 (15:09)
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

"See You "Lighter"........Cat =^..^=
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8/11/08 7:38 P

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Judy you are always so welcoming and I appreciate that about you. I hope to be more involved this week. Mom and I are different and while I agree this hospice is (already) better I try to avoid change...but that is what this season is all about. HOw are things at your house this week?

Stacy

"I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ for it is the power of salvation to all who believe..." Romans 1:16


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SEASONING, so glad to hear from you. Just jump in anywhere, we're just delighted you were able to stop in. How are you adjusting to the move. Is the new hospice working better for you?

I know how your mother feels about the meds, I think that people that don't usually take a lot of medicine, can be quite sensitive to it, and need less.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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8/11/08 6:54 P

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quick note on meds...my mother is very sensitive to medicine not so much of age but just how she is (and always has been) I almost always try a new medicine at half first...just in case.


I feel like I have missed alot and am not sure where/how to catch up. We have switched from one Hospice to another and got the teen sons back in school. Those are good things so maybe life will settle down a bit now. Hope you are all well. emoticon

Stacy

"I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ for it is the power of salvation to all who believe..." Romans 1:16


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Speaking of medications, which was mentioned a bit earlier. I really have to watch when the doctor gives my mom something that might even be mildly sedating because at her advanced age, it can hit her a lot harder than younger people. Anyone else having this issue?

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Even the longest and most difficult ventures have a starting point.






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Edited by: COOKIEBAKERCAT at: 9/10/2012 (15:09)
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

"See You "Lighter"........Cat =^..^=
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I noticed that sometimes when mom was really agitated, her pupils (the center black part of the eye) would contract real small. Upon investigation, I discovered something fascinating.

This was a list of chemical and physical symptoms of anger:
Heightened blood pressure; Increase of stress hormones; Shortness of breath; Heart palpitations; Trembling; Heightened senses; Dulled senses; Yelling; Animated and exaggerated body movement; Stiffness of posture; Constipation; Contracted pupils; Increased physical strength; Speech and motion are faster and more intense; Tense muscles; Impotence; Criticism; Irritation; Hatred; Silence; increased swearing; Passive Aggressive Behavior; Resentment-Bitterness; Envy; Jealousy; Insecurity; Low self-esteem; Self-loathing; Judgmentalism; Condemning; Malaise; Depression; Anxiety; Apathy; Sleeplessness.

Does that sound your bad day caregiving or what? Now, I've been looking for other research to substantiate this.

This was a list of causes of anger:
"Unmet expectations can cause anger. So can feeling frustrated and disrespect from others. Physical pain and discomfort from heat, noise, crowds, etc. can provoke an anger response. Low blood sugar can do this, too."

"Questions to Ask
Did anger become a problem after a stroke, head injury, or head surgery?


With outbursts of anger do you have any of these problems?

• Memory loss or confusion.

• You are less able to figure things out or remain alert.

• You can’t perform routine tasks.



Does anger result in any of these problems?

• Physical or emotional harm.

• Destruction of property.

• Anger can’t be controlled when drinking or taking a drug.

• Long term anger causes a lot of stress or a feeling of having no power.



Do any of these problems occur?

• Sudden fits of anger occur when not eating for several hours, especially in a diabetic.

• In females, anger leads to aggression 10 to 14 days before menstrual periods.

• Anger interferes with day-to-day life."
www.eugene-or.gov/healthierathome/p2
67
-268%20Anger.htm


While this list doesn't solve any problems, it does make me aware of how much our parents' frustration is affecting their lives and ours.

I did learn that when pupils are contracted, it is usually a sign of a medication problem. You know, the classic "he's on drugs" look. It is a poisoning or drug induced problem.

But the herbalists see it as a sign of "cerebral excitation". Which of course, could be caused by drugs. But if drugs are ruled out, the other main times you'd see it (besides during migraines and heatstroke), is in ANGER. It is a sign of EXTREME agitation. When the agitation subsides, so will the pupils return to normal.

While I had noticed the connection between the tiny pupils and extreme bad moods, I hadn't realize it was a physical symptom of anger. Which is why after a nap, the pupils would be normal again. Now I'll know that when I see this again, to be prepared with anger management techniques!




Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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Edited by: COOKIEBAKERCAT at: 9/10/2012 (15:09)
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

"See You "Lighter"........Cat =^..^=
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ahhhh so much of that is true about my mom! Thanks! I don't feel so "alone" anymore. And I too love your signature quote!

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Even the longest and most difficult ventures have a starting point.






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Edited by: COOKIEBAKERCAT at: 9/10/2012 (15:10)
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

"See You "Lighter"........Cat =^..^=
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Seems to ring true here. Mom was telling me this morning about the wonderful walk in the woods she had. But then she came back and her sister had thrown down and ruined all her stuff. Now Mom hasn't been for a walk in the woods in 15 years, and her sister has been dead for over 30. But is she going out to walk in the woods some days in her mind when she wanders? Maybe.

She also worked most of her life. And she's a people person. When she was young, there were 5 children, 3 of them big brawny rowdy boys. And she loved being 'one of the boys'. She had her own Harley (long before the days of gangs and bad connotations, even before the depression) and they would all go out for rides.

She won diving medals, ice skated, golfed, bowled, went horsebackriding, anything outdoorsy and active. She always had lots of friends.

She built rock walls, repaired whatever needed it. I remember coming home, and finding her on the floor in the laundry room with all the pieces of the old Hamilton dryer laid out around her. She reassembled it, and it didn't dare not work for her! She was gentle, and friendly, and everyone loved her.

When there was no money for a new coat for me (which she never let on), she took apart one of her deceased mother's old coats. Used the fur cuffs and collar, part of a warm blanket for a liner, some leopard corduroy fabric for the outer shell. Everyone complimented me on my wonderful coat, they never knew it was just scraps and a lot of love. She always had a gift for that, I always felt like we were rich. She took bits of this and that, and turned it into something special.

Now her brain can't create, can't think. Her body can't go out and exercise. She loves excitement. There isn't any. I'm NOT a people person, a great day for me a quiet corner, and a chance to do research. I LIKE being alone most of the time.

No wonder she's wandering around. She's looking for the life she used to have. No wonder she can't answer a simple question. She has no power to think. I think I understand a lot better.

The hard part will be making different choices, so that her life is enriched.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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Edited by: COOKIEBAKERCAT at: 9/10/2012 (15:10)
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

"See You "Lighter"........Cat =^..^=
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Time is short playing with the grandkids the next few days. Cat I love both your posts and can relate to many and some are new to me and can help me out alot. Thanks for sharing all that with us.
Linda
Hope everyone is good

my goal is consistency


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Cat, boy is that a familiar list! Seems strange to see them all listed there together, like a synopsis of my day. Amazing!

By the way, I love your signature quote, so true.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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Edited by: COOKIEBAKERCAT at: 9/10/2012 (15:11)
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

"See You "Lighter"........Cat =^..^=
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