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TOPIC:   Has anyone else dealt with this in their MMORPG? 


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RAINESSA
RAINESSA's Photo Posts: 1,628
5/8/13 9:53 A

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Just because someone is a gamer does not mean there is something wrong with the person or automatically makes them a bad partner (or an unhealthy person). Just because one person finds that they cannot be a healthy gamer does not mean that another person cannot find a balance between the two.

Things also depends on the person/couple. Its not unusual for interests to change over the years. If the gaming was the only thing that held a relationship together, I can see trouble if one person stops playing while the other continues, but there is nothing wrong with having different interests. I stopped gaming for a couple years when I was in grad school. More recently, I cut back and then stopped because I only have so many free hours in the day and I am enjoying learning to sew. It does not mean that I won't go back to gaming tomorrow or next year if a game appeals to me more than sewing currently does. It also does not mean I expect my husband to stop playing just because I did. He does not expect me to sit there and game with him if I don't want to. I don't expect him to sit beside my sewing machine or do an activity he dislikes. We still spend time together and support each others interests.

Now if the significant other has an obsessive personality or constantly chooses something else over you (and this can be gaming, gambling, watching tv, going to the gym, hanging with the guys, anything), that is a different issue. Some people just have an addictive personality and if its not one thing, it would be another if they aren't careful. Same as with all the other "evils" you hear about with gaming, its the person, not the activity.





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SIRENNEA
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5/7/13 11:57 A

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Met my guy on EQ first year the game out (2000)? We played together for a while, chatted, started visiting back and forth. (I was in IL and he in MO) Finally decided one of us needed to move. I moved to Missouri and have been here since. About 12 years now. I would say a MMO can definitely bring two people together, but I would NEVER do it again. Over the years we have had many problems, mostly stemming from games and the computer in general.

I give up gaming when school is in session now. He continues to play MMOs like a man possessed. It's caused many an argument. I found after years of EQ I wanted to live my life more in the real world than through my avatar.

A non-gamer or part-time gamer (should this ever apply to you) will have trouble dealing with a full-time gamer. Period. No getting around it.

Being more active in life (which you really need to be to keep weight off) doesnt mesh with being a gamer. Just keep that in mind. Your perceptions of life may change the closer you get to your weight/body goals and being with someone who wants you to sit on your butt on the weekends and raid is not going to bode well with the size of your butt or belly!

I purchased GW2 about 3 weeks ago. I am only level 6 and have only been logged in a few times. Why? Because I know deep down I am not doing my body or mind for that matter any favors sitting on my butt for hours trying to level or learn the craft system.

And my gamer guy...well he spends his time playing Minecraft and EQ now, instead of taking a walk with me or doing something outside, active.

Unfortunately? (Maybe not so unfortunately) I see less and less online gaming in my future and more and more real life gaming and activity in my future. And my gamer BF sitting at home...all alone.

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NIKKOLPAULS
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12/27/12 6:13 A

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Guess I'm really late on this, but thought I'd give my 2 cents anyway. ;)

I didn't meet my husband gaming, but we did meet over the Internet and game together now. IMHO, aside from how stressful LD relationships can be, I don't think there's anything wrong or crazy at all with meeting your SO through gaming/the Internet. You already know you have something in common! People act like people on the Internet are somehow less "real" than people you hang with face-to-face. Reality check is, someone human is controlling that faceless person you're talking to. They're no less real because you can't see their face! For me, I can't imagine ever getting on with someone else the way I do with my husband.


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ALLEY2300
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6/1/12 9:43 P

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EQ is also where I met the guy i was dating. I haven't made any other connections in games like I have in EQ, which I still play.

I agree, take it slow, when you decide (if you decide to) meet, make sure it is in public and or others know about it also.


Live for today, love for tomorrow, and laugh at all your yesterdays. Never regret the past, always hope for the future, and cherish every moment you have.
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HYPNOJAMZ
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6/1/12 8:49 A

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I know there are a lot of us that fall/fell under this question. Did that make sense? lol Well let me state that you can make it work. I met my ex through WoW and he moved out here to be with me 4 months after meeting IRL. It lasted for a year and a half until he cheated on me with a coworker. It happens. Lets just say to this day, he releazies he f*kd up hard and misses me. I remain friends with him, but that is that. I am currently dating a man that I met through Star Wars: the Old Republic. He is in the military and stationed out in GA while I live up in IL. When you are able to connect with someone on an emotional level through talking, see where it goes. Josh and I never saw this happening. I wasn't looking for anything and neither was he. The day Josh and I met was the day I took my ex back to the airport. We both went through the same breakup during the same weekend and our ex's both had cheated. I say go with it. See where your heart leads you and have fun.



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SHELLEY247
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5/29/12 1:09 A

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TY so much for your input...I am SO relieved to hear I'm not completely nuts....

It's just unreal how much we click...and can sense each others moods from txt chat....most new guildies think we are married in RL...not perfect..we disagree and annoy each other...but chat our way through it..

.a few weeks ago I was ready to quit the game because after reading one of his e mails my first thought was "hes too sweet..i love him"...totally flipped me out...when I told him i wasn't sure i could handle my feelings for him he said he knew that he should give me space to make my own choices but that he couldn't let me walk away without trying to convince me to stay..I was pretty sure then that this is not just an infatuation& of course..I stayed in the game...

just logged out from the game..grinning from ear to ear as usual...he is 1600 miles away but after reading your responses..it doest seem so impossible..

My RL friends dont understand any of this...they seem to think its some odd obsession & were carrying on when he sent me a King cake for Mardi Gras.. i told them it was a cake not a hit man..but since then I just dont mention him to anyone except my son who thinks he is awesome...but no 13 year old kid wants to hear him Mom gush about guys..lol

Sorry this is SO long..wanted to send a big thank you & hug to you all for the kind words..I'm new to this type of interaction & spark ppl too..still figuring it out...not even sure how to make friends online when there are no swords & undead around..lol but ty again emoticon

Edited by: SHELLEY247 at: 5/29/2012 (01:11)
You are smarter than you think, braver than you believe, and stronger than you know :)


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RAINESSA
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5/28/12 7:42 P

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I met my husband in EQ. We were friends/guildmates on a platonic level for 5 years (I was married at the time to someone else, and that meant something to us even if it apparently did not mean much to my ex-husband). We didn't develop a romantic relationship until the end of my legal separation and our first date was scheduled for the weekend the divorce was finalized. We have now been married almost 8 years, and I believe that those years of friendship gave us a solid foundation without the normal male/female tensions. We also have remained friends (online due to the distance though we meet up if we happen to cross paths while traveling or things like DragonCon) with several old guildmates from EQ. That game was unique for us in how it built strong relationships; we have not experienced that same sense of community in games since then.

I do not think there is anything wrong with friendships, casual or otherwise, that develop online. I do not see it any difference than when I was a child and we were encouraged to become pen pals. Of course, there are safe and unsafe ways to go about it. Be careful with how much personal information you give. Initial real life meetings should be made in public with others being aware of it. Even though I was online friends with my husband for 5 years, for our first real in person date, we met up with a mutual friend (another guild mate) and spent the weekend with her and her husband. The group situation made us both feel a little safer and less pressured. If things clicked, great, and if they didn't we were just a group of friends hanging out. Happily, things clicked for us in person as well as online.


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ALLEY2300
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5/28/12 3:35 P

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I met my exbf there. We just broke up, but are amiable. We were together for over 3 years. I still love him dearly and we are trying to work through this. i can definitely see attachments. I know many couples that have met in EQ and are still together. One couple just had a baby. It is a common interest, and common ground. You can REALLy get to know some of the people in game. Some of my closest RL friends are friends that I originally met in game and we later met in RL.

Take it slow, at your own pace and see what happens. You never know! I know that I am a better person for the relationship I was just in.


Live for today, love for tomorrow, and laugh at all your yesterdays. Never regret the past, always hope for the future, and cherish every moment you have.
~Found on Sparkpeople.com (somewhere)

Nothing tastes as good as how thin feels.


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SUSIESHINES
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5/28/12 3:33 P

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I met my boyfriend through World of Warcraft. He moved 3000 miles to go to school and be with me. We met in person at a guild gathering 6 years ago. He's my best friend and we're still together. We're so in sync it is sickening. lol!

You do not need an intervention. If the chemistry is there, why not explore it? Have him visit you.


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EMMAJEAN50
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5/28/12 7:10 A

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I mostly go on-line in virtual worlds rather than gaming, but Ive spent the last 10 years on line, beta testing,and trying different games or places, and I definitely can see it. I spent 6 years in one virtual world, and even worked as part of the community team. over the years I've seen many people deal with this. some were married and broke up over it, but most would end up meeting at RLGs, or just meeting, and gosh i cannot tell you how many couples i heard about that met in world and later married. personally i think i know about 3 or 4. it does happen. and gosh why not? people find love in all sorts of places. heck i say go for it, there is nothing odd about it.

Rhonda

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SHELLEY247
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5/28/12 2:28 A

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This would probably sound nuts to anyone who hasn't spent time in on line rpgs, but I wondering how do you all deal with the "feelings" and attachments to certain other players? I've been gaming for about 5 years have spent the last 3 running with the same guy...Started out just killing together in a cave with others..then we switched games for lack of new things to do and now we run a guild together...plenty of chatting, joking, flirting & e mailing...but now he's calling...we have discussed the fact that we care about each other but I have been trying to keep my feelings in check....It seems too crazy to make sense..I'm not 13 and gaga over some kid in a chat room..I'm an adult & can't believe I have such strong feelings for a man I've never met yet been with almost every night for 3 years....any input from other gamers..my non- gaming friends think I need an intervention..lolemoticon

You are smarter than you think, braver than you believe, and stronger than you know :)


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