Author: Sorting Last Post on Top ↓ Message:
GREENERGIRL's Photo GREENERGIRL Posts: 115
5/20/09 12:54 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Ha Kuz, that's funny.

 current weight: 128.8 
 
135
130.75
126.5
122.25
118
KUZINKEITH's Photo KUZINKEITH SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (12,360)
Posts: 4,827
5/16/09 9:13 P

Send Private Message
Reply
A NEW ONE FOR TODAY:

The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.

The first one out the door at 2:00 o'clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.

Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.

Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.

Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.

Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.

The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyzer test, to which he readily agreed.

When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, "How can this be?"

"Because tonight," he said "I'm the designated decoy."

.............. emoticon ..........

Edited by: KUZINKEITH at: 5/16/2009 (21:16)
PEACE
KEITH

If you let go a little you will have a little happiness.
If you let go a lot you will have a lot of happiness.
If you let go completely you will be free. - Ajahn Chah

I won't be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. (The Prisoner)

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
-- Aeschylus


 Pounds lost: 33.0 
 
0
23.25
46.5
69.75
93
KUZINKEITH's Photo KUZINKEITH SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (12,360)
Posts: 4,827
5/16/09 9:41 A

Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon

PEACE
KEITH

If you let go a little you will have a little happiness.
If you let go a lot you will have a lot of happiness.
If you let go completely you will be free. - Ajahn Chah

I won't be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. (The Prisoner)

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
-- Aeschylus


 Pounds lost: 33.0 
 
0
23.25
46.5
69.75
93
NELLJONES's Photo NELLJONES SparkPoints: (205,330)
Fitness Minutes: (147,250)
Posts: 60,750
5/15/09 8:33 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
At least you guys made it to the throne. I always managed to throw up in more interesting (public) places. And then wonder why people looked at me funny.

Nell

No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.

Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.


 current weight: -1.2  under
 
5
2.5
0
-2.5
-5
SUPERFREAKDD's Photo SUPERFREAKDD Posts: 65
5/15/09 6:04 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Amen to that! I have prayed to the porcelin god enough! emoticon

JUST FOR TODAY:
I will be happy.This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said that, "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."


 current weight: 137.0 
 
140
137.25
134.5
131.75
129
SBATES63's Photo SBATES63 Posts: 8,614
5/15/09 11:46 A

Send Private Message
Reply
It is so much better chuckling about the porcelain god that being face down in it.

Persevere. Even if you fall on your face, you have moved forward.

PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION.


 Pounds lost: 23.0 
 
0
8.5
17
25.5
34
KUZINKEITH's Photo KUZINKEITH SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (12,360)
Posts: 4,827
5/15/09 8:25 A

Send Private Message
Reply
I'm "flushed" with embarrassment.

PEACE
KEITH

If you let go a little you will have a little happiness.
If you let go a lot you will have a lot of happiness.
If you let go completely you will be free. - Ajahn Chah

I won't be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. (The Prisoner)

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
-- Aeschylus


 Pounds lost: 33.0 
 
0
23.25
46.5
69.75
93
SBATES63's Photo SBATES63 Posts: 8,614
5/15/09 7:11 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Talk about toilet humour!

Persevere. Even if you fall on your face, you have moved forward.

PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION.


 Pounds lost: 23.0 
 
0
8.5
17
25.5
34
SUPERFREAKDD's Photo SUPERFREAKDD Posts: 65
5/14/09 1:02 P

Send Private Message
Reply
I fell in once too. almost couldn't get out!!!

JUST FOR TODAY:
I will be happy.This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said that, "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."


 current weight: 137.0 
 
140
137.25
134.5
131.75
129
KUZINKEITH's Photo KUZINKEITH SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (12,360)
Posts: 4,827
5/14/09 12:08 P

Send Private Message
Reply
If I leave the seat up - I get the "slinky" treatment!

PEACE
KEITH

If you let go a little you will have a little happiness.
If you let go a lot you will have a lot of happiness.
If you let go completely you will be free. - Ajahn Chah

I won't be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. (The Prisoner)

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
-- Aeschylus


 Pounds lost: 33.0 
 
0
23.25
46.5
69.75
93
SBATES63's Photo SBATES63 Posts: 8,614
5/14/09 10:59 A

Send Private Message
Reply
I have only fallen in once, and I got back into bed with a cold behind and snuggled up as revenge!

Persevere. Even if you fall on your face, you have moved forward.

PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION.


 Pounds lost: 23.0 
 
0
8.5
17
25.5
34
JAVANUT1's Photo JAVANUT1 Posts: 2,228
5/14/09 8:12 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I don't know about that having fallen into the commode last night! Cold and ichy in the dark in the middle of night. Gentlemen take note!!

When I came back to bed....he laughed:). Not fair. Thanks for the giggle today. Mary L

Edited by: JAVANUT1 at: 5/14/2009 (08:13)
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."

Mary L. in Virginia


 Pounds lost: 10.0 
 
0
5.5
11
16.5
22
SBATES63's Photo SBATES63 Posts: 8,614
5/14/09 6:51 A

Send Private Message
Reply
I think I'd taking falling in the bowl in the middle of the night to knowing someone had a pee in the sink! Thanks Keith

Persevere. Even if you fall on your face, you have moved forward.

PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION.


 Pounds lost: 23.0 
 
0
8.5
17
25.5
34
MONTANA-PAM's Photo MONTANA-PAM Posts: 223
5/14/09 4:05 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon Have hammer & duct tape. Note to self: get WD-40. Think it will work on cranky knees?? Thanks for the laugh!
--Pam emoticon

"Optimism is the foundation of courage."
--Nicholas Murray Butler


 Pounds lost: 3.0 
 
0
17.5
35
52.5
70
CYNDY55 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (45,840)
Posts: 3,186
5/14/09 1:56 A

Send Private Message
Reply
HI Keith...I Liked The emoticon Especially...

TO BELITTLE IS TO BE Little...........INTIMACY,"into me you see.".......TO ERR Is HUMAN.....To Really SCREW Things Up.......YOU Need A COMPUTER


 Pounds lost: 11.8 
 
0
3
6
9
12
SUPERFREAKDD's Photo SUPERFREAKDD Posts: 65
5/14/09 12:31 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Thanks for the laugh! those were funny. love the slinky. emoticon

JUST FOR TODAY:
I will be happy.This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said that, "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."


 current weight: 137.0 
 
140
137.25
134.5
131.75
129
KUZINKEITH's Photo KUZINKEITH SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (12,360)
Posts: 4,827
5/13/09 11:56 P

Send Private Message
Reply
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life, WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD -40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

7. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

8. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

9. Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES; NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

.............. emoticon .............

PEACE
KEITH

If you let go a little you will have a little happiness.
If you let go a lot you will have a lot of happiness.
If you let go completely you will be free. - Ajahn Chah

I won't be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. (The Prisoner)

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
-- Aeschylus


 Pounds lost: 33.0 
 
0
23.25
46.5
69.75
93
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Recovering Alcoholics Outside Issues Posts

Topics: Last Post:
Anyone use whey protein? 7/18/2013 11:00:17 AM
Calorie Control with Mini Meals 10/24/2013 1:50:39 PM
"Sparking" & staying sober thru illness? 1/13/2014 6:13:47 PM

Thread URL: http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=4815x1029x25522724

Review our Community Guidelines