Author: Sorting Last Post on Top ↓ Message:
JIMJENMILLER Posts: 88
12/21/12 6:59 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I like the idea of setting boundaries. Your health is far more important to you than theirs is to them obviously so you need to set those boundaries. If you have explained and they aren't hearing you there is not much else you can do. I would also suggest being proactive. You know when birthdays etc are coming up so do the advance planning. Then you can chose the restaurant or get a heads up on where they want to go. Also like it has been advised host the party. This way you can serve a healthy meal that works for you and will be good for them also. You can only control you and no one else. I think your husband needs to step up in this matter as well. If they really care they will get it sooner or later.

 current weight: 241.0 
 
251
238.25
225.5
212.75
200
GODZDESIGN95's Photo GODZDESIGN95 SparkPoints: (96,219)
Fitness Minutes: (101,202)
Posts: 28,151
12/7/12 6:32 P

Community Team Member

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Let me know when you get the answer... my mother and sister is awesome but my hubbie is the pits. He is prediabetic and eats what he wants. I stopped being a food police cause it has fallen on death ears. When he asks me what should he eat I say whatever casue that is what he wants to hear. Sad but true. He has a wicked sweet tooth and yes sometimes offers crap to me sometimes I say no then ther are the other times. emoticon

PAT

Deuteronomy 2:3 SAYS “YOU HAVE CIRCLED THIS MOUNTAIN LONG ENOUGH. NOW TURN NORTH.”


 current weight: 171.0 
 
193
181
169
157
145
1CRAZYDOG's Photo 1CRAZYDOG Posts: 60,451
12/5/12 1:54 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I have a SIL who didn't like me for years, but never did anything that mean . . . giving me cookies! sheesh!



 current weight: 100.0 
 
170
152.5
135
117.5
100
I.M.MAGIC's Photo I.M.MAGIC Posts: 12,840
12/5/12 1:04 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
.. funny thing, the SIL who kept giving me the cookies?-- Her dad is diabetic, doesn't TOUCH sugar... go figure. Think maybe she didn't like me?? LOL

Kathy emoticon

"The real secret of success is enthusiasm..." thanks, Walter P. Chrysler. I believe it. That's what I want in my life--to give my imagination a chance, to live with energy and enthusiasm!

Ralph Waldo Emerson said 'Life belongs to the energetic.' But you don't have to be frenetic and hyper--some energy is quiet and steady, like a heartbeat... and that works too! LOL

Life comes in specific increments, which we receive as a gift of one moment at a time. That's why it's called


 Pounds lost: 42.0 
 
0
21.25
42.5
63.75
85
HOUNDLOVER1's Photo HOUNDLOVER1 Posts: 8,186
12/5/12 12:28 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
The cookies as a gift for a diabetic show ignorance for sure, of course diabetics sometimes send the wrong message by injecting insulin before indulging in high-carb foods they would be better off never eating to begin with. emoticon
Every dose of insulin that is avoidable should be avoided in my opinion.
Birgit

You can talk to God all you want and that's great, but the changes happen when you start listening to him.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN OTHERS.




 Body Fat %: 16.0
 
23.6
21.7
19.8
17.9
16
SULABLUE Posts: 60
12/5/12 12:20 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
And more seriousy? Store bought cookies as a gift? Really? "It's the thought that counts" they say. mmmm. Right... Man, In-Laws!

 Pounds lost: 0.0 
 
0
6
12
18
24
1CRAZYDOG's Photo 1CRAZYDOG Posts: 60,451
12/5/12 8:04 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
SULA:

Glad you survived. One thing . . . I would NEVER EVER NEVER EVER feel obliged to have cake. Just sayin'. Bottomline . . . glad things worked for you! Family . . . gotta love 'em, eh . . . well, maybe sometimes.

 current weight: 100.0 
 
170
152.5
135
117.5
100
1CRAZYDOG's Photo 1CRAZYDOG Posts: 60,451
12/5/12 8:00 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Valerie:

Very common sense advice to eat beforehand! One of those, "Now, why didn't I think of THAT?"

 current weight: 100.0 
 
170
152.5
135
117.5
100
I.M.MAGIC's Photo I.M.MAGIC Posts: 12,840
12/4/12 10:58 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I had one set of inlaws that gave me a platter of cookies for Christmas! NOT sugar free, NOT made with fruit juice, just regular store-bought cookies. Some had frosting on them... it's fun to put frosting ON cookies, but what diabetic eats that stuff, huh? LOL

You can't teach some people... they have to want to learn.

Kathy

"The real secret of success is enthusiasm..." thanks, Walter P. Chrysler. I believe it. That's what I want in my life--to give my imagination a chance, to live with energy and enthusiasm!

Ralph Waldo Emerson said 'Life belongs to the energetic.' But you don't have to be frenetic and hyper--some energy is quiet and steady, like a heartbeat... and that works too! LOL

Life comes in specific increments, which we receive as a gift of one moment at a time. That's why it's called


 Pounds lost: 42.0 
 
0
21.25
42.5
63.75
85
SULABLUE Posts: 60
12/4/12 10:54 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Oh, as to insulin right there at the table? Yep. I do it! Proudly! Admittedly, I don't go flashing my belly though - I'm not -that- bold! :)

FiL was on insulin. My husband used to give it to him at meals as did my SiL when we went out, and MiL administered it at home. MiL is lucky, she's only on metformin and that SUPPOSEDLY keeps it 'in check' though I also suspect I have much, much, MUCH different ideas of what 'in control' is. And maybe that's the problem. MiL is in her mid 80s. The doctor isn't aiming for tight control at her age due to worry about going low, same as with my now-passed FiL, so maybe they just "don't get" the level of control I'm going for and how much more work it takes.

 Pounds lost: 0.0 
 
0
6
12
18
24
SULABLUE Posts: 60
12/4/12 10:46 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Well, I survived it. I was SO sure they'd end up at Olive Garden and I'd done all the planning I could and then SWING, curveball - restaurant with no published nutritional information, and known for having -awesome- Shiner beer bread. And of course no one's willing to forgo the bread/not have it delivered to the table and it ends up RIGHT in front of me since I'm at the end and that's 'out of the way'. I did manage to keep myself to one small slice, just a couple of bites really, while we waited (and waited, and waited...) for our meals.

I admit, there might have been a TINY bit of revenge in ordering one of the more expensive steaks - but hey, a rib eye has way, way too much fat for me to be eating with no gallbladder, right? Right ;)

Then of course, cake. Carrot. MiL couldn't have asked for ANY OTHER of the desserts, which I don't like. Oh well. Two bites from it, sans icing, and I considered my obligatory cake indulgence done.

Apparently I can guestimate better than I thought. BG at 1 hour was 160 - not bad considering I was going up before eating due to having not eaten in awhile. That much of a "high" is something I can easily correct with a very small dose of insulin - so yay me.

As to me hosting? Yeah. No. I get MiL at Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's way, way too much work, and there's just not enough room. Those two meals out of the year, however, I am in TOTAL control and -everything- from the dressing to the cranberry sauce is homemade, whole grain, and sugar-free (other than naturally occurring sugar in the cranberries, of course!)

 Pounds lost: 0.0 
 
0
6
12
18
24
HOUNDLOVER1's Photo HOUNDLOVER1 Posts: 8,186
12/4/12 9:06 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I like Valerie's eating beforehand option. Have used that lots of times.

Birgit

You can talk to God all you want and that's great, but the changes happen when you start listening to him.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN OTHERS.




 Body Fat %: 16.0
 
23.6
21.7
19.8
17.9
16
VALERIE1619's Photo VALERIE1619 Posts: 971
12/4/12 8:59 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
You're not going to change them, and they're not going to take the time and energy to become educated. You can only advocate for yourself.

If you want to participate in family get togethers, it seems to me that you'll need to take control of the situation and host the meals. Or make the reservations.

The other thing it sounds like you'll need to do is get yourself a really good carb-counting book (they have purse-sized ones) and learn the carb counts of the foods you eat. I can eat in any restaurant because I know how many carbs are in many of my favorite foods. You can get a salad with a protein on it just about any where.

Remember, so often these occasions are about the people you want to spend time with; the food is (and should be, in my opinion!) secondary. You could easily eat before you go to the events, and then just order a small green salad or pick at an appetizer, and enjoy a hot tea, or something that keeps you 'busy' while everyone else eats.

Good luck!
Valerie


Valerie
type 1 diabetic,
showing this disease who's boss!

February 2013: NEW GOAL! I've lost 60 pounds to date, so it's time to kick these last few to the curb!


 Pounds lost: 3.6 
 
0
9.75
19.5
29.25
39
1CRAZYDOG's Photo 1CRAZYDOG Posts: 60,451
12/4/12 8:48 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
That's very sound advice!!!

 current weight: 100.0 
 
170
152.5
135
117.5
100
HOUNDLOVER1's Photo HOUNDLOVER1 Posts: 8,186
12/4/12 8:27 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I have to say I'm horrified that these family members refuse to support you in dealing with your diabetes. I can't see how any kind person could act this way.
Therefore I would keep contact to a minimum. You can't change other people but you can set boundaries in how you let them treat you. It's not like you are on some ridiculous, difficult to accommodate diet just for the fun of it, this is important for your survival and long-term health. If people can't respect clearly stated medical needs (not wants) they don't really care about you. I would rather stay away from them and send a nice card for the holidays.
We always become like the people we surround ourselves with.
I hope your husband will be more supportive than his family.
If you see signs of goodwill about this you can always offer to host these types of gatherings which will give you more control over the food.
Birgit


Edited by: HOUNDLOVER1 at: 12/4/2012 (20:28)
You can talk to God all you want and that's great, but the changes happen when you start listening to him.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN OTHERS.




 Body Fat %: 16.0
 
23.6
21.7
19.8
17.9
16
LITTLEWIND53's Photo LITTLEWIND53 Posts: 15,504
12/4/12 8:09 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Taking extra insulin will not solve the problem. You could cover whatever you ate with the insulin, but remember it is a fat storing hormone, so upping the dose to cover unplanned meals will just bring on other problems (such as possible lows, or even weight gain)

I once was in a restaurant and it took much longer than expected to get our meal and I had to ask for a slice of bread long long in advance of the meal arriving becuse my sugars were dropping too low and I could feel the low coming on..... So I ate the bread then adjusted my meal accordingly. So taking insulin ahead of time is not a good option.

Personally, I would wear a 2 piece outfit - just lift the top a bit and let them see you administer insulin. Don't hide it. They obviously need the shock value! If they question it, tell them this is what you need to do to maintain your health and avoid those nasty complications such as going blind, neuropathy, loosing a leg, and yes, even mention diabetic renal failure.

There are two ways to go. One is to keep a few meals in your freezer for such occasions. Go ahead and pop one in the microwave so you can eat on your own schedule if at all possible. If not - let's say your are to already be in the car driving to the restaurant, you could have a small snack. but remember to order and eat only a small meal at the restaurant. When you order, ask the waitress for all dressings and sauces on the side (so you can control how much you eat.) and also ask for a doggie bag to come with your order. Keep what you will eat on your plate but put everything else in the doggie bag before you even start eating so it is ready for you to take home. You can either eat this yourself the next day or let your husband take it to work for his lunch......

If you choose to eat a small meal or snack before you go, they will surely try to convince you to order a regular meal ("Oh, you have to eat more than that!") tell them you do whatever you must for your health -- but you don't want to miss out on the family celebrations so here you are, ready to have fun....

If they get insistant, just tell them you eat to live, you do not live to eat......

Good luck and let us know how it goes.....

Linda

Leader: Living with Diabetes
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=10080


YOU can do it.
You CAN do it.
You can DO it.
You can do IT.


Total SparkPoints: 133,780
 
100,000
112,499
124,999
137,499
149,999
SparkPoints Level 20
1CRAZYDOG's Photo 1CRAZYDOG Posts: 60,451
12/4/12 7:51 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
It really is difficult dealing with those who have no understanding of what the consequences are for not eating the way your body needs! I wish I had a magic answer for you regarding handling this situatin.

What does your husband say about all this? I don't know. If both your in-laws are diabetic and they don't care I really don't see there's much to do.

Without knowing the nutritional values of the various menus, I might just consider ordering the healthiest appearing salad on the menu and ask for a doggie bag upfront, because then you can box 1/2, since generally the portion size is so large!

That's about all I can think of. HUGS and good luck.

 current weight: 100.0 
 
170
152.5
135
117.5
100
SULABLUE Posts: 60
12/4/12 7:36 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
My insulin is in pens, so I can take it with me. The problem is how much to actually administer - too much and my BGs drop through the floor. Too little and they go through the roof. I have a very, very high rate of insulin resistance so I need 1U for every 2G or so of carbs, so taking too MUCH is less likely to be a problem than taking too little. Then I end up testing my BGs at 1 hour, taking insulin to correct, and often taking too much then because I'm never exactly sure how fast my BGs are dropping, then I end up going low and having to correct by eating some sugar... and the roller coaster is just a PITB!

All I can really do at this place is guess. Thankfully it's a steak house but there's no telling what's in any of the sauces, or what they might sneak into the veg, etc. - and I know from sad experience that ordering things "plain" very often doesn't get it plain. I sent my meal back twice at one restaurant, and when it came back wrong the THIRD time, I finally had had enough, had a chat with the manager and informed him NEITHER of us were paying for our dinner, and let him know just how much he'd messed up a diabetic who only had an hour for a dinner break during a conference.

I've traveled a LOT, and lived in many different cities, and there's honestly just something about my current town where restaurants have horrible, horrible staff. I think it's just that people are so easily/quickly replaced here, I don't know. When we do find a place with good wait staff it becomes a regular joint for us - we've even moved from one restaurant to another when we hear a waiter has moved if they used to take really good care of us - like one waiter at a Mexican restaurant told me that I could get the same grilled veg that they served with their fajitas instead of high-carb rice and beans and he made sure we never got charged the substitution charge since he knew I was diabetic, and that being able to make that swap would mean we could eat there more often. On the other hand, we went to Benihana's and the table chef actually made racists comments about the kitchen staff as a "joke" during his patter and the manager didn't think anything of it.

 Pounds lost: 0.0 
 
0
6
12
18
24
MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 6,007
12/4/12 7:19 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I feel your frustration and I wish I could help you. I honestly don't know what you could do that would make any real difference.

My family & my husband's family are both into some bad "ruts" - very different things - but still things that need to change. Absolutely nothing we have said or done has made any difference at all except finally getting "fed up" and saying something that makes them mad. And even that doesn't last very long and they're right back to the bad behavior.

The only thing I can think of is to print out a menu from all the places you usually go and then take more insulin than you might need. Now please understand, I know NOTHING about insulin (so far, my husband is on Metformin) so what I've just suggested is probably something an uninformed or ignorant person would say - I mean, for all I know, insulin may have to be refrigerated and then you wouldn't be able to save what you didn't use.

Other than that, anything else you do will probably offend them. I wouldn't want to cause a riff in your relationship with your in-laws and your husband, but if you told them again how inconvenient and even stressful it is for you and that you really must have at least a day's notice of the event and the restaurant and then really stuck to your guns (with even your husband not going) would they eventually unlearn their thoughtless behavior?

Right now, they don't have to change because they usually get what they want - just like my family & my husband's family. It is just really, really tricky when it's family and especially in-laws. Sorry I can't help more. Good luck!

Miller emoticon emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


 current weight: 202.0 
 
224
204.25
184.5
164.75
145
SULABLUE Posts: 60
12/4/12 6:57 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
My husband's family has no real idea of what "planning" is. For instance, today is my MiL's birthday. My SiL called at 4:30, right as I was about to start dinner, to say she was taking her MiL out for her birthday and did we want to go. Problem number one: Giving me less than 2 hours notice! Then she said they weren't going to eat until later, around 7pm (which, with them, means closer to 7:30 or even 8pm). Problem number two: That's going to be way later than when I normally eat. Oh, and also? They haven't made a decision on where they want to go yet, which means I can't look up menus and decide BEFORE I get there what I want to eat, let alone how much insulin to take to cover the meal. Inevitably we end up at a Chinese buffet, Olive Garden, Red Lobster or, on more rare occasion, Texas Land and Cattle or Texas Roadhouse (yay, steak!).

I really want to be able to go to family dinners, but it's CONSTANTLY like this, and it's been like this the 6 years we've been married. One year, we found out the day before Christmas that my SiL had decided she didn't want to host Christmas dinner that year and so my MiL called us to see about going out somewhere.

My FiL was also diabetic, and was in end-stage renal failure doing dialysis 3x a week, and my MiL is also a Type 2 diabetic. It's not like they shouldn't all know better! What steps would you take to see if you can get people in gear? We've already tried the "sorry, but you really need to give us at least a day's notice" bit, and all that's wound up with is us not going out (or my husband going without me) and then causing family stress because they take it personally and think I don't like them (my MiL associates food with love and is constantly pushing food, as well, oy!)

D'oh. And now SiL called 1 hour before we're supposed to meet them and they've picked a place that doesn't publish nutrition information.

Edited by: SULABLUE at: 12/4/2012 (19:05)
 Pounds lost: 0.0 
 
0
6
12
18
24
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Managing Diabetes Group! Help and Support Posts

Topics: Last Post:
A1C and Glucose Numbers 10/5/2014 8:26:08 PM
270 fasting BS :( 7/10/2014 7:46:36 AM
walking etc. 8/1/2013 9:44:40 PM
Dawn Phenomenon 4/29/2014 9:04:15 PM
foot failure 1/17/2014 3:58:06 PM

Thread URL: http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=474x629x51087108

Review our Community Guidelines