For a long time choosing to ignore the person that I had become over the years became easier than dealing with the root of the problem. Dealing with the daily drama life was throwing at me was overwhelming and more than what I could bear. Somewhere along the way I unconsciously turned to food for comfort and if to that you add the fact that once I finished High School I never exercised again in my life plus the junk I already ate and the good things I did not, plus the lack of water, plus heart aches and head aches and on top of all that you add ignorance = to me gaining about 80-100 lbs. Literally, within a year after giving birth to my second child I blew up. One day I woke up and realized my clothes did not fit me anymore, I was fat. I looked different, I felt like I somehow got lost and had no idea how I got to where I was. Ignorance kept me from finding my way back. Heartache kept me from finding the purpose and motivation to fight my way back. I felt trapped inside a maze inside a dark tunnel.
Maybe the raw truth is that deep down it was easier to stay trapped in this body. That way no one could ever hurt me again, that way I did not have to think about anything except how miserable I was for being fat. I stopped caring about me; I became my own worst enemy. I convinced myself that this is what I was meant to be that I could not change. I was not strong enough and did not possess the guts to turn this around and proof myself that I could do anything if my heart so desire. I completely gave up on myself and accepted my defeat as a permanent versus a temporarily crisis. Time kept passing by and I sat and did absolutely nothing except become more miserable. I made a few attempts to get it together, Yeah! If you want to call it that! Losing weight is a lot of work; not only physical work but mental work too. It is not being on a diet to get temporary results it is retraining your whole self to a new and improved you. It is being willing to drop old habits and adopting new ones (what we eat and how much and when we eat it), it is daily exercise, making the time every day no bull crap to exercise. Not just any exercise but really exercising (breaking a sweat, exhaustion). For example, I used to belong to Curves in my attempt to change and I was in the first crowd in the morning some of the ladies there seem to be there more for social hour than to work that body. They would finish their 30 minutes without one drop of sweat, the only thing they worked was their tongues; lol. They completely wasted 30 mins that if put to good use you really can burn fat and calories. They were cheating themselves. That is what we do when we choose to not give it our 100% in our workouts; we are cheating ourselves and then wondering why we are not losing. I have been guilty of that myself and then I end up giving up convinced I had done all I could possible have done. BIG LIE!!!
I really want to lose weight for so many reasons, not to be who I once was because I never liked that girl even when she was skinny. But to learn to love myself and who I can be. I want to be healthier so I can be more active and athletic. I want to be able to roller skate again without being afraid my knees will give in, I want to be able to take swimming lessons without caring about wearing a bathing suit. I donít want to be the fattest mom in my kidís classroom. I want to participate in walkathons and marathons for the inner satisfaction it will bring. I want to go dancing and not feel people are staring at me because of my size. I want to be able to someday go to my 20th year H.S. reunion looking Hott! I want to have self-esteem and confidence in myself. I want to feel beautiful! I want to shop and buy clothes I actually like. I want to be able to wear high-heel shoes and my knees not hurt. I want to be able to go up and down the stairs without having to hold on to the railing. I want to show other people that it is not all lost for us and ONLY WE HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE OUR LIVES. I want my ex-husband to see the genuine jewel he left behind. I want my BF to not just love me (he already does now) but to be insanely in love with me and have eyes only for me. He has been so supportive in this journey of mine and even takes the time to train me in my workouts. If I ever get married to him I want to be a thin bride in a pretty dress for the 1st time and blow him away. I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
But to accomplish all this will take a lot of time and a lot of effort, patience, dedication, determination and commitment. I cannot cheat myself anymore. I cannot quit again. I once convinced myself that it was all over for me and nothing had any meaning and purpose. I now have to convince myself of the opposite. I have to change my thinking and the way I see things and myself. I am worth it. I am ELITE! I am a warrior, a survivor. I WILL BEAT THIS BECAUSE I CAN AND BECAUSE I SAID SO!
Long-term Goal: To overcome my hesitation and stay focused long enough no matter what happens in my life.
Medium-Term Goal: Reaching my goal 5% at a time.
*Drink my water daily
*30 min Exercise (and work my way up) 4 times/wk
"Give TODAY your 100% effort, and after 365 TODAYS see what you have accomplished"
LEADER of O.D.A.A.T.
"ONE DAY AT A TIME"
| Pounds lost: 0.0