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I hope you're able to talk with him and work this out. The comment was very unkind but maybe he just didn't realize how much it would hurt? He needs to understand what it is doing to you. ((((hugs))) Don't let his insensitivity slow you down. You're doing this for YOU, not him, right? The only thing you'll gain by giving up is being unhappy with yourself. Hey, you are a DONE girl, and you're going to be so proud of what you're becoming!!! Hang in there!!
Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.
- Emily Kimbrough
Tell him its too bad he couldnt have carried your baby in his womb and then he could be the fat one and you the thin one. Men havent got a clue of what we go through.
babygirl don't let what your hubby said get you down. He is small minded. You will go on to lose weight and be thin, but his terrible ways of thinking will never change. You look up and shoot for the stars there is a new you waiting for you.
One Day At A Time !!
Today I start again.
Weight - 318.5 lbs.
Oh I am so sorry, I know what he said must have hurt you to the bone.. All you can do is just keep on doing what you are doing and talk to him more.. I also would let him know what he said hurt. It is not like you want to be this overweight..
One bite, one day, one pound at a time. Remember you are worth the effort!
Leader W8Watchers friends http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_
Way to go on losing 10 pounds! You are on your way! Please don't let his hurtful comment derail you from your goals. You don't need his approval. Be your own best cheer leader. Yes, his support would be nice, but sometimes you are all you've got.
Also, please know that his wanting to sleep with a thin girl and lusting after the "young hot things" who come in his studio is his problem, not yours. Don't take that on. You are not in competition with those women. Weight is something that is easy for someone to pick on and he knows it is something you are sensitive about, so it was an easy target.
I just want to say that your motivation for losing weight should be YOU, not him, not his skinny chicks he's photographing, not your bad feeling.
You should get healthy for YOU, because you want to be able to run a marathon, or live to see your grandchildren grow.
I don't know what motivates you, but don't let any comment made by ANY person drive you to make unhealthy choices. Be motivated internally, and when you need love and support, you can find it right here with the rest of us done girls.
It sounds like you need to have a long TALK, not yelling fest, but TALK with your husband.
If I may, I would STRONGLY suggest that you go see a marriage counselor. And he needs to know how much his words hurt you. I do not condone how he spoke to you. However, you also need to remember that without honesty, marriage is a joke. So if he has an issue with your weight, it is better that he told you than keeping it to himself and doing something like cheating or leaving you without you knowing why.
I am so so so proud of you for the weight you have already chosen to lose and the steps you have taken to become healthier. Please don't backtrack! We are all here and want to watch you succeed! You deserve a pat on the back from your husband, your family, your friends, and most of all, yourself! But even if you don't get it from anywhere else, Don't quit! You deserve this! You are DONE!
Saryann - AMEN!
GET UP OFFA THAT THING... DANCE til you Feel better!!! ~James Brown!
I'm so sorry that your husband can't think before he speaks. I'm not going to make any judgement calls on either of you, but I do encourage you to see a counselor for yourself. Your children are your first concern and you are your second concern and this kind of thing will damage the self esteem of everyone around. Your weight does not define you! Are you a good mother? A good friend, wife, coworker, sister, daughter? That is what defines you! You have made some awesome accomplishments. Keep it up - for you and your kids.
"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution." ~Author Unknown
"We never repent of having eaten too little." ~Thomas Jefferson
i agree with coppertopper
kick is mean butt out of your bed
their is no reason for what he did, but to cause you pain.
don't give him nothing, no hugging no lovin
we are here for you!
Lift something equal to the weight you've lost and carry it around for awhile
Once choice at a time per day
will make your new life style become reality !
Ok.. I'm REALLY trying not to post in anger here.. but that's a really really horrid thing for him to say. Words are like arrows - they're brutal, and can potentially mortally wound, maim, etc. - and once released, they can NOT be taken back.
Sweetie: You are doing a great job! You're eating better, you're exercising.. you're making every effort! Did he know you were so excited to have lost the weight this week? He knows you're trying, right? I'm confused... I'm so confused..
Does he think that if he says that it will motivate you? (Men are weird like that sometimes - trust me, I know)
Let me say this.. so I don't go on a rampage about him! (or get all psychoanalyst on you.) You are not going to be a different person if you are thin. You are not going to be a better person if you're thin. You are losing weight for YOUR health and well-being. And you deserve to be fit and healthy. Not because your husband wants to sleep with a thin woman. Not because your husband wants a thin woman on his arm.
I'm sorry.. but this is NOT about him, is it? I hope you'll talk to him. REALLY talk to him. You can't let him take this away from you! This is your journey, your self-improvement. I hope you will talk to him about this rationally - I'm really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.. and even if I'm rambling, believe me, I'm biting through my tongue!!!!
*BIG HUGS* for you.. you don't deserve to be spoken to like that. You're much more than your body.. you're much better than that.
GRRR.. I've gotta stop typing.. or I'll never stop.
GET UP OFFA THAT THING... DANCE til you Feel better!!! ~James Brown!
just because he has a dick doesn't give him the right to be one.... My first thought was to kick him in the balls, but that is a bit haste (but deserved). My second though was that if he is going to be like that then I would stop sleeping with him after pointing out to him what an insensitive jug head he was. You have made progress and you are working towards it, now is not the time to be cruel.
Honestly if it was my husband ( yes I am married) I would make sure he knows exactly how much of a dick he is for a statement like that.. I don't care how honest it was there are more tactful ways to do it..
Just be FANTASTIC- Me
Okay, I will not judge your husband's comments, although I am biting my fingers so I don't type something nasty about him.
Why is being overweight the one thing that is fair game to be ridiculed and abused about today? You can be a drug addicted molester and some goofball understands your pain, but fat? Yikes, not worth the oxygen we breath.
First, I have had a ton of challenges in my life and I will attest that losing weight and getting healthy is by far the toughst thing I've ever tried to do.
You should be applauded for your efforts, and 10 pounds is a chunk of weight, especially the 8.5 in a week.Maybe he's jealous or whatever and wanted to zing you where you are most vulnerable. You have a beautiful heat and soul and you are beautiful...thin or not!!! Remember that!!! I know LOTS of really ugly skinny bitches!!!
I will pray for strength for you. Please feel better.
Whoa. Lots of judges here.
This is a marriage we're talking about --- and a marriage is a commitment. THAT is the starting point.
Carol is right --- your hubby has an obligation (part of his commitment) to honor you and to help you be the best person you can be. You deserve his support.
Here's the good news: He said he wanted YOU. He wanted YOU to be thin. He didn't just go "tripping off to do the light fantastic" with one of those girlies who traipse through his studio. He said he wanted YOU. YOU.
NOW, the way he said it was kind of lame (okay, more than kinda). Egg-headed. Hurtful. Insensitive. BUT if he really meant he was longing for YOU --- the woman he loves --- to be thin ---- HE WAS EXPRESSING THE SAME THING THAT YOU WANT! Amazing.
If the two of you can talk through this issue (like you were doing with whatever other issue you had yesterday) and if you can honestly TELL HIM how he hurt your feelings, and how it paralyzed you, and how hard you've been working, and your goals for yourself, and the difficulty of this all for you --- YOU HAVE A CHANCE. If he's a decent guy... and he gets it ... you can work this out.
Right now, you're numb. And you're sitting with a big ball of HURT in the middle of your stomach. If this is the guy who once pledged his love to you, he just may listen. He may be thrilled. He may celebrate you. He may applaud you. He may cheer you on every day and make your lunch for you (with all non-fat ingredients even!)
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. What I do know is that, as women who are sensitive around the topic of weight, we can zooooooooooom right to those hurt places with the slightest of evidence. DON'T BE THE JUDGE AND JURY BEFORE YOU TALK TO HIM AGAIN. You deserve support ... and he deserves to be heard as well.
I'm on your team. Talk.
"Here below to live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed often." ~
John Henry Newman
hmmm, curious to see if you are with my ex! He openly expressed to people that he wanted a 'trophy wife'. 2 years ago I was on spark whole heartly, lost 30 lbs and was well on my way, but that all stopped when he drove by the house with a co-worker at lunch and I was outside bringing groceries in the house with the kids. He didn't stop or anything, but when he got home from work, he told me how embarrassed he was b/c they drove past and his co-worker seen me. He broke my spirit. I was working out 2x a day, eating only 1200 calories a day for 3 months, and he seen how hard I was working to get to his 'trophy wife' status. But he says, I just want to be honest, but it is brutal. His 'brutal honesty' was an everyday occurance. I understand how you feel and would not wish those comments on anyone. He has really screwed up my self esteem and mentality. DON'T LET HIM DO THAT TO YOU!!! You really need to have a serious talk and find out if he is just after a skinny piece of @$$ or wants a marriage. My ex finally got what he wanted, and I am starting to put myself back together and realizing he was a jerk! (Can't wait until the 22 year old has kids!!hehehe)
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
I'm so sorry for you....Men can be so insensative some times. My husband does the same thing too. he thinks it will encourage me. Instead, it hurts. You are doing great though and you can't let him get you down. We are all here for you!
If it's not worth working for, you're never going to have it.
This girl is DONE!!!!
Leader - The Zone Dieters
BIG Done Girl going out to you!
It hurts for sure. My ex put a huge value on my weight and it's one of the reasons he says he divorced me...can you believe that? JERK!!!
I agree with pretty much all the previous posts on here (AMEN EVRYDAYNEW!) and you will handle how to address your husband in the way that works for you, in your own time.
My post relates to one line in your post about not eating breakfast or packing a lunch. Be strong and don't let this incident affect your plans for yourself and your goals...keep taking care of you! It's the best thing you can do for yourself and your future!
Stay strong ladybug!!! We're all here for you!
ADDICTED to SP since 07/14/08
You did then what you knew how to do, and when you knew better...you did better! (Maya Angelou)
Oh, haha. I didn't see the last 2 posts before mine, but I agree w/ them wholeheartedly.
Wow. It amazes me how many people make the excuse that "men don't think before they speak." I think that's bullsh*t. I wouldn't put up with my boyfriend saying something like that to me, and a bubblebath and some girl time isn't going to solve your marital problems.
I think the best advice on here is from Pamela Suzzane. You need to ask him what was really going through his tiny little head when he said that, because "men don't think" is a lame excuse. If he really thinks that way, honey, maybe it's time you kick him to the curb.
You deserve better than that- and you need to be losing weight for YOU and to be a good example for your daughter. If his eyes are wandering now, don't expect them to stop wandering when are 130 pounds. The problem isn't your weight, the problem is his character (if he really means what he says).
Take his comment seriously, and handle it with care, because it is a big deal. Your husband should be supporting you in weight loss and making you feel beautiful all the way, not putting you down.
And know that we're here for you, dear. We think you are beautiful.
I didn't even bother reading the other posts because this upsets me so much. I know I don't know you or your husband but - I'm sorry I just have to speak my mind. He deserves to be slapped - I'm being serious. Did you say anything? I would of walked out that door and slept at a friend/family member's house. The two of you took a vow to love and cherish each other no matter what. Your vow did not include accepting his verbal abuse - which is EXACTLY what this is. And this goes for all of the women who have been posting aobut their husbands or boyfriends being unsupportive, insensitive, hurtful, and rude. It is psychological and verbal abuse - it is abusing your self-esteem, your confidence, and your comfort and serenity in the relationship.
I realize that some women may be offended by what I'm saying but in my opinion, it is the truth. There is ALWAYS better ways to discuss feelings, or express thoughts to one another without blowing someone else's self-esteem through the floor. DON'T TAKE IT! It's just not acceptable...especially when you've already been trying to focus on weight loss and you've lost 10 flippin' pounds! HOLY CRAP! That is an accomplishment and if he wants a wife that is thinner, then he can get off his butt and cheer you on.
I don't mean to be insensitive, but I feel very strongly about women in relationships standing up for themselves. You should not push this under the rug because he's a guy and guy's are dumb and insensitive. They have brains and they have feelings and they know when something is hurtful and when it is not. Expecting anything less than unhindered consideration and support is, in my opinion, accepting an excuse for them to abuse you.
Edited by: SARANE at: 7/21/2008 (14:11)
The mind creates the body.
...it's all about the follow through...
"The race is long, and in the end it is only with yourself."
What an idiot!!! Men really are pigs, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. but you know what--it can also be a wake-up call. Not about your weight cuz you're already DONE and doing what you need to do there, but a wake-up call that old hubby doesn't respect you and therefore doesn't deserve you!
I sometimes think my DH is insensitive, though he says he loves me despite my weight gain...I've struggled with that emotional dilemma for almost three years and it's tough, trying to distinguish between what you're doing for you and what you want him to think of you. But it has to be for you. And so does he, or he's just going to add to the problem, not help you better yourself.
I can honestly say after struggling with the insecurity long enough that I'm DONE with that. If my husband came to me and told me he missed sleeping with the someone skinny like those he works with--I would tell him to go sleep with them then, and don't come home. At some point you're better off without him if he's only going to hurt you and not support you.
I know that sounds harsh, and maybe part of me just wants to play devil's advocate cuz nobody else is saying to dump the jerk. But seriously--life is too short to live with someone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are!
If he can't appreciate the success you've already had then frankly he doesn't deserve to appreciate you when you're at your goal weight!!
You are strong and you are beautiful and I love that quote by Eleanor Roosevelt (pretty sure it was her anyway)--no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. DON'T GIVE HIM THAT CONSENT! She also said 'the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams' and I believe that!
You have already decided you are DONE and he should be careful you don't decide you are DONE with him! He is definitely DONE putting you down and not thinking about his words before they spew from his mouth. Life is too short!! You deserve better and you have to remember that!!
We love you and we're here for you! now go to subway and get yourself a healthy lunch and decide to be DONE feeling like crap because of someone else!
Sweetie, I feel your pain! Boys are nasty - throw rocks at him!! I will send you some rocks that I can spare by express mail, OK?
Did anyone ever tell that hubby of yours that when you get married HIS job is to make you a better person and YOUR job is to make him a better person? What is he doing to make you a better person? Is he helping you exercise by going for walks with you? Does he help you choose good foods to eat? Does he bring home junk food & leave it around where you can see it?
If you haven't told him about your goal to eat healthy food in good portion sizes, tell him & let him know that you want to be the best person you can be - but not for HIM, for YOU!!
And after he recovers from the bumps on his head, you can give him a little kiss & tell him you forgive him but he has to try harder!!
With God's help I will try to bark less and wag more!
Stick a fork in me... I'm DONE!
Leader on the Done Being the Fat Girl team - the best team around!!
I'd rather WEAR whatever I want than EAT whatever I want!!
Ya Ya Sisterhood name: Queen Preening Peacock
that was a pretty hurtful/mean thing to say and i am sure he doesn't realize what a comment like that can do to a woman's self esteem. i wish men would take the time to think before they speak. i understand exactly how you are feeling....my boyfriend was always making cracks about my weight, i usually just laughed them off but sometimes he really hurt my feelings. he claimed it was his way of "motivation" but all it ever did was make me feel sorry for myself and end up eating everything in site.
PLEASE don't go down that same path. i know how hard you are working to make this a lifestyle change and hopefully he will come to his senses and support you instead of putting you down. if not just know that you are doing this for yourself and when your DONE make him eat his words lol.
Amy ; )
Maintenance Range 140 -145
137lbs - Goal Met 10/5/08
Dont let yesterday use up too much of today.
Wow, I can't believe he said that. I don't know what I would do in that situation. That was very cruel and uncalled for.
I say go home and get an amazing bubble bath and ligt some candles and relax. Or call a friend to go for a walk to help you get your mind off things. I really hope he apologizes for what he said.
Don't let anyone break your spirit. You are going to succeed for YOU
I'm DONE son
Ouch. That was mean. Just don't let it take you back to bad habits. That is your choice to make and you will feel so much better if you make the right one. You deserve to take good care of yourself!
I don't have much to add to what the other's have said, but I want you to know that I'm so sorry you have to put up with that. It's not fair, and guys sometimes open their mouths without thinking. They have no forsight into how what they say may damage others.
Keep your head up and keep moving forward. 8.5 lbs down in a week is AWESOME!! You're doing great
"To fall is not to fail, you fail when you don't try."-Superchic(k)
"Never let a bad day be enough to go and talk you into giving up"--Carrie Underwood
Well behaved women rarely make history.
That's horrible of him to say! You're beautiful no matter what size you are, and you're husband should know that. I'm willing to bet your hubby is no Brad Pitt and could stand to lose a few pounds himself!
There are two things here:
1. He said it just to be mean and spiteful and really does love you no matter what.
2. He said it because it's how he really feels.
If he said it just to be mean and hurt you, then you should let him know that it is unacceptable to say mean things and attack each other personally when having an argument. He needs to learn how to argue... every couple has fights, the key is to not attack each other when you do, and keep to the topic at hand and get it resolved in a grownup way.
If he said what he said because it's how he really feels, then you need to sit down with him and have a serious talk about your marriage and what it means to the two of you, and what you want to do about it. Figure out what marriage means, and then how you want to treat your marriage and each other. My mother once asked me if I wanted a soul marriage, or a cohabitational marriage, and there is a big difference between the two that I hadn't seen before. So decide which you have, and which you want and go from there. But always remember that you are a beautiful person in your own right and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect... especially by the person whom you share your life with!
I'm not married - so really have no counsel to give on that end. But, I can tell you that you should be darn proud of what you have accomplished so far. I hope that you can sit down and tell him how much he hurt you and maybe expressing that his support is what you need and not judgement.
Try your best to eat healthy today - starving yourself will not do any good!! You know that :)
(¸.´ (¸.* *
Next Goal: 240
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I was in a similar place a couple of months ago and was close to divorce (I had already met with a lawyer).
I really would talk to him. Tell him how his comment made you feel. Tell him your commitment to working out and becoming healthy.
You have accomplished a great deal. Losing as much weight as you did in a week isn't easy to do. I know, I've been trying to do that!
You are doing a wonderful job! Don't quit and don't let insensitive comments derail you.
You are an inspiration to someone, remember that!
Men just do not think before they speak and this something that I know from years of listening to all the stupid things that they say.. don't let him stop your progress, you have been doing a wonderful job and you need to do it for you and for your health and for your kids, you go girl you get yourself to the hottie mom stage and he will have to think twice before he says things like that again.
LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST AND DO IT WITH A SMILE!!!!!!
EVERYDAY IS A NEW DAY FULL OF FUN AND SURPRISES.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are doing great.
Koula - Ontario, Canada
Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.
Consult not your fears, but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you have tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do. Pope John XXIII
How thoughtless of him!
Aw, hon -- don't let him get you down! I know that's easier said than done, but you're already well on your way to being a healthier you! Maybe he doesn't see it because the weight loss is gradual, but it's there!
I bet he didn't even consider how saying something like that would make you feel. Sometimes guys open their mouths before the words have a minute to processs in their brains. It's not an excuse, though!
I think you need a little "you" time when you get home. Maybe see if one of your buddies is free and go spend a little while with him or her. A good, solid hug would be good for you!
You tell your husband to just be patient, and maybe point out to him the weight you've lost in case (and it sounds like he doesn't) doesn't have any idea that you have lost that much. You're going to keep looking more and more awesome every week!
10lbs lost = In Progress ♦ 20lbs lost = n/a
30lbs lost = n/a ♦ ONEderland = n/a ♦ 35lbs lost = n/a
Weight loss ticker reset: 10/29/14
i dont have any advice other than maybe go get yourself something nourishing if you can.
i am so sorry you are going through this.
Edited by: KIYOSHI04 at: 7/21/2008 (13:20)
I am so sorry you are hurting!! Men are pigs! They are also very thoughtless most of the time. YOU are doing great and maybe use that hurt to work through some of it today and when you get home find some quiet time with him and let him know what he said and how it made you feel. I don't know if that is possible for you cause I don't know you or your husband, but in your shoes I'd have clocked his butt last night!
For now just think of all you've accomplished and remember you aren't doing this for him, you are doing it for you!
If you see someone without a smile, give them yours.
Last night I was talking with my husband about some issues we were having. In the middle of all this he slips in, "I miss sleeping with someone who is thin." I was in shock and just listened to him ramble about all the young hot things that go into his photography studio and how he wishes I could be like that and be skinny.
I've never been so hurt in my entire life. For the first time since I started this I didn't eat breakfast or pack my lunch. I'm sitting here at work with nothing healthy and hunger pangs. I'm letting my emotions get in the way of my health.
I felt so good about my ten pound lost, especially having the challenge going so well for me where I actually lost 8.5lbs in a week. I look at him for some sort of approval and all I get is that he wished he could be with someone thin. Not skinnier, not slender, just thin. I'm so hurt right now, I'm struggling not to cry.
Life is sweet, savor it.
I'm DONE baby!