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9/25/12 10:23 A

Yes to listening to the needs of my mind and body, and yes to taking things slow and taking care of myself. I'm trying. Still have to juggle my two part time jobs, but thankfully no small children at home. But I'm seriously considering looking into the possibility of early retirement from one of the jobs. Not sure it's possible, but I won't know until I ask. The problem is getting one more thing scheduled into my calendar.

One day at a time. Sometimes one moment at a time. And definitely one choice at a time.

Your understanding and compassion help. Really!!

-Beth.

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9/25/12 7:28 A

We do understand... I think we've all been through these moments in one form or another. I remember a certain storm we had several years ago... the mobile home I lived in was rocking in the wind... trees were being snapped off at the top or just uprooted, including one that went through the roof of the apartment building just across the alley... I was in bed for three days, could barely move.

Yuck.

Hope you feel better soon... and oh, yeah... LISTEN next time, right? LOL

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9/22/12 4:05 P

Hi Beth Some times it is hard to remember we have to take it easy. Start slow and take care of your self.

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9/22/12 11:25 A

I'm slowly healing, still fatigue quickly, but the pain levels are MUCH lower. I am grateful. I've been awake for an hour and am not yet looking longingly at my bed. Definite improvement.

This weekend I plan to rest and heal. Part of that time will be in my garden, prepping for Autumn, my favorite time of year. Gardening is therapeutic for me, as long as other people do the heavy lifting! Some watering, some deadheading and pruning, a lot of observing and planning from a chair on the deck. Time for fall planting of potatoes and garlic.

I've rarely had flares this bad. This one has been a humbling reminder of reality.

Thank you, I appreciate the caring and support.

--Beth.

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9/22/12 9:33 A

I am so sorry that you are having such a rough month, I have been where you are. I have gotten flares so bad I was in tears and nothing seemed to help. For me just over doing it a little bit would send me into a tailspin. When we were packing to move I would pack heavily one day and bedridden for 2. I have only been recently DX May of 2010 so I am still trying to find that fine line of balance. I hope that you are feeling a little bit better today. Take care of you.

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9/22/12 9:29 A

I have never had as severe a flare as you are experiencing, but I can imagine just how miserable you are. Being able to keep up your new eating habits is really admirable, because one thing I do know is when I'm hurting more or very fatigued, I really want to eat more. Another fibro sufferer once said that the only time she didn't hurt was when she was eating!

So a big high-five to you!!! Keep your spirits up; this too shall pass.

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9/21/12 11:45 P

Thank you for the support. It's good to be able to talk to other people who truly understand the enormity of the problem and the deep frustration of it all. This experience has been one of my biggest over-extensions and most huge price in all the many years I've dealt with fibro. Looking back, I've been ill with this flare for weeks, but refused to acknowledge it. Hence the severity of the crash. I know better. I need to face reality. Sigh. As my cousin (who also has fibro) says so succinctly, stupid fibro. I'm in for a slow road for whatever recovery I can reach now.

On the other hand, I did manage to lose weight this week. I guess my new eating habits held even when I was feeling so utterly miserable. If there's gotta be a silver lining, that's a good one.

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9/21/12 8:07 P

Hello Beth. It's awfully hard not to be able to do what we used to be able to do, and what a "normal" person can do. Yet most of us continue to over-extend our capabilities and pay the price. You've really said it all -- you know the drill. Just remember there are lots of us just like you who have been there and sympathize with you. Take good care of yourself this weekend. I hope you have a good night's sleep.

current weight: 135.5

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125

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9/21/12 7:28 P

September started with happy stress, added adventurous stress, and loaded on increased work stress. I pushed on through, ignored the increasing warning signs, until my body and brain finally reached a breaking point, I spent yesterday in bed, dealing with fever, body, muscle and joint pain, total brain fog, all the culmination of several weeks of ignoring ominous warnings. I should've taken to my bed long before yesterday... I could have saved myself some awful pain and distress. This may have been partially a viral illness compounded by fibro pain response, but it doesn't matter. It happened because I didn't pay attention to the signals my body was screaming at me.

I did manage to go to one of my jobs today for a few hours, because I'm on a tight schedule to get done what I need to do there, and I'm TIRED now, and achy all over. Again. Still.

Lesson learned? I'm NOT like 'normal' people. I CAN'T do what they can do. I need to remember this, even when I have periods of feeling pretty good. I need to remember the story of the 'elephant boy', who had neurofibomatosis, with huge tumors on his head. He wanted to sleep lying down like normal people, so he did, and he suffocated and died. (Yes, my mood is a bit dark today.)

It's a rude reminder. But one I'm not likely to forget.

I'll spend the next few weeks moderating my activities, getting lots of sleep, eating right (and continuing to lose weight!!!), and healing. Fibro lurks always, even if I'm lulled to complacence by feeling better.

Thank you to anyone who reads this and understands and is willing to put up with my rant and vent.

--Beth.

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