I really appreciate your reply. It takes a lot of courage to write to me the way you did. You are a special person. I feel so bad that you are going through what you are going through. Cancer is so unfair. May God bless you with happiness and courage.
Sweetie I know how you feel! Before my cancer, I was living the dream. I was a size 5, long blonde hair. Was part of a vital musical community. All my friends (and dates) were 15-20years younger than me butI could pull it off, I looked that good. I live in a rural area but got to travel often to Toronto, Richmond, Charlotte and other places to see my friends bands perform. Had just started my own one of a kind couture business when cancer stuck out of the blue. One day I woke up and couldn't walk. Now I'm 137lbs ,at 4'11(less now, I keep shin king) hair that's thinned and stringy from all the meds, one boob, my legs scarred from botched radiation, a crooked back and a WALKER! BUT I AM HERE! I thank God every day for the life I do have. I know how hard itbis to look forvthe blessings that are there and I've dealt with terrible depression over this past year. I just try to look for all the good that IS left in life. You live in a fabulous city, you have what sounds like an amazing talent, you can WALK! I envy you that. So many things I used to love- concerts, shopping, the beach are off limits to me now cuz I can't liftvmy walker on my own. Revel in what you do have. Don't let cancer take that ,too!
Work like it's all up to you!! Pray like its all up to GOD!!!!
"Look at your life- who do you want to be before you DIE???"Cruxshadows
Pounds lost: 7.0
Fitness Minutes: (1,525) Posts: 47 6/11/12 4:15 P
Thanks Carproth for your support. I do go to the Creative Center for cancer survivors which offers classes in the arts. I really love it there. I live in New York City and the hard part for me is to see all the young attractive women with their sexy bodies. Being a performer makes the situation worse because you are judged there a lot according to what you look like. I am 57 years old so I can't even without the cancer expect to look like some 20, but what I look like bothers me nonetheless.
I decided I do not want to participate in the concert. I will see the psychiatrist tomorrow so maybe my medication can be adjusted.
I don't know where you live, Linda, but there are so many cancer support centers (some associated with medical centers, others like The Wellness Communities free of any affiliation) that are available to help cancer patients long term. They, like us, know that dealing with this disease doesn't stop with surgery, chemo, or radiation - there are repercussions (like altered physical appearance) and the need for emotional and psychological support doesn't end with active treatment. Two years post-treatment I still am part of a support group that has gotten me through some rough times and has been invaluable in my recovery. I urge you to explore what is available to you locally - as we keep saying, this is a journey no woman should go through alone.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land amongst the stars.
Besides being a cancer survivor, I have bi-polar disorder. A week ago, my psychiatrist reduced my Wellbutrin (anti-depressant) because I was manic. Now, I am very depressed. I think about the huge scar on my right breast and feel unattractive. Also I gained several pounds this week.
I particularly don't like appearing in public with the breast as I am a singer and have to perform at the annual spring concert on Sunday.
I'm not sure if my feelings are surfacing because of the reduction in the Wellbutrin. I usually block out my feelings about the cancer as I am a seven year survivor, but now they are resurfacing. I don't really want to sing in the concert but my brother is coming to see it.I don't know if I can pull myself together.
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