Vicki I am so sorry to hear about your husband. He just left a wonderful person as far as I can tell because anyone who adopts a child is a warm , loving person and I do not have to meet you to know that. My favorite uncle adopted a child and I am his favorite niece. She is a few years younger than me and at one time we were like sisters. She has married and went her way now but she is always telling me how wonderful it was to have been adopted. Cancer is a terrible thing to have to deal with. Your husband took the easy way out like a lot of people do. Hang in there and I wish the very best for you and may someday that special man come your way and just give you an your son a ton of love . I will pray for you and you take care.
I have been lucky to fight my cancer with determination and courage. My biggest supporter was my then 8 year old son. My husband at the time(16 Yrs Married) couldnt deal with it and soon as my treatments were over, he used my sickness, weight gain, and lethargy as excuses and ducked out. But my now 11 year old son is STILL my biggest cheerleader. He rocks my world with his silly grin and jokes to crack me up when I get discouraged. I adopted my son when he was 3 1/2 to give him love and a family forever. Who would have thought he would give me soooo much in return???
My hubby, my kids, and a dear friend were there for me all the way. They helped me anyway they could. My mom & dad would stop by maybe once a month (they lived 5 minutes from me) and rarely called. Then when my dad got cancer and had to go through chemo they realized what I had gone through. When he got it it was like "oh my gosh, everyone needs to stop everything" but when I got it it was "I was handling things so well" So they didn't think I needed them. Hmmm what choice did I have. I had to be strong for everyone. My mom was diagnosed with BC in Sept. She just finished her radiation. She wanted me there all the time, but sometimes I just couldnt' be there. I felt guilty but I couldn't stay with her from Jan-March. So I would stay and take her Mon- Wed and then come back home. I belonged to a gym for 5 yrs and continued to go during my chemo and radiation. My friend was also there when I went and he kept me brave and determined. A few people talked to me but most NOT. Not even the trainers. Oh well their loss. Maybe I scared them because I refused to wear my wig lol. I wore it like once. It made me too hot and sweaty when I worked out. So I decided if they didn't like the way I looked tough sh--, they didn't have to look or talk to me. I was brave and proud of myself. I guess people just don't know how to react or what to say. But now a days so many people are getting cancer and I don't think it isn't quite as scarey as it was. That is why this team is so important because we can talk to people who have gone through the same things and we can ask questions that we might not feel comfortable asking others. It is really hard to talk to someone about BC if they don't have a clue what you are going through.
Edited by: GRAMMYSKIDS58 at: 3/29/2008 (19:01)
Co-leader of Breast Cancer Survivors and Those Who Care
My family they were there for me but when am going through stuff i dont let them know .My church family was there for me they pray with me and for me alot.so i dont have problem like that.My huband and 4 children cried for me and with me, so i think am bless.Good luck on making new friend.
That is sad. A very dear friend died of Leukemia and before she did, I stopped by with some flowers. She hadn't let us know she was ill. Anyway, she started coughing so I was rubbing her back and she started crying. Said people were afraid to touch her, they were afraid they would catch it? I just about came unglued. She was gone a few days later. People can be so stupid sometimes!
Oh Curly that is so sad but seems to be typical. My mom had cancer twice. There were people she'd known from childhood and once they found out about her it was like they dropped off the face of the earth. She never heard from them again and they didn't even bother to come to her funeral. I think some people just don't know how to handle it. Even with my own mom I sure didn't. But my oldest son & I drove down (2+ hours) every other weekend to be with her.
When I had cancer a couple years ago I didn't tell anyone but my family. We live far apart but I was so fortunate to have them all praying for me. To this day, no one at my office knows why I was out for a while. Isn't that strange? I was afraid to tell anyone as I was afraid of how they would react and how I would be perceived job performance wise.
Perhaps it was a blessing in a way to find out who your true friends are.
I think you hit it when you stated some people just don't know what to say... I was fortunate, my family and friends came in force and have remained in force. We had just moved to a new community when I was diagnosed. Our kids were in 5th, 4th and kindergarten. The PTO got together and scheduled the delivery of meals every night for 6 months. My husband loved it, most of the time I could have managed to cook easily, but it helped people know what to say and do something for us. Back to your observation, tough to know what to say or do. We were very fortunate.
Now when faced with others illness the lesson took hold. I step up and do things for them.
What were your reactions of your family, friends and neighbors when you got cancer? My husband and children were very upset. They could not do enough for me. I would not let them do alot because I wanted to do as much as possible for myself. I have had quiet a few surgery before this one so at this point I could handle a surgery but not sure if I could handle this one as easy as all of the others. This was a very special body part that I never wanted to part with. I was a hairstylist and had many friends but once I got cancer only two of my friends stuck with me. They are true friends. Some called one time and others may have send a card. Three visited one time. When I would call and invite them over for lunch they were too busy. I would send them a card. No response. So when my chemo was over and my life was back to normal a new career came my way an easier one. As for my family. My sister was always there for me and still is. I have Three sisters and two brothers. My two sisters visited me one time and my brother came often and the other brother could have cared less. As for my parents they came every week that they were in town and not on one of many of their vacations .They came for twenty minutes a week. As for my neighbors I have two that cared. One was a nine year old boy who is now sixteen. We are very close. He is like a second son. He was always checking in on me and taking little walks with me. To get the mail and water the outside plants and things like that. The other is a lady who could not do enough for me and is now a very good friend. Also my three year old great niece would come and stay with me. We would go to a movie and take long napes together so last year I took her to Disney. She is now twelve years old. That was sort of a reward for her because she spent so much time with me. My hubby told me people just were afraid of what to say to people who have cancer and did not know how to react. I took care of his mother who died from cancer. I also took care of my father and mother who had cancer after me. Let me hear from you guys about this. I have wait this long to talk to some one about this. I have lots of new friends today but never tried to reconnect with the old one's feel they let me down. The same with my neighbors but we have still helped them no matter what. And also family. Thanks to all of my new friends here.
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