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DEBBYFROMMT's Photo DEBBYFROMMT SparkPoints: (135,678)
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4/23/14 9:32 A

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Oh thanks Jules!

Debby


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FLOWERDALEJEWEL's Photo FLOWERDALEJEWEL Posts: 34,289
4/23/14 4:49 A

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It's the https at the start Debby that stuffs up the link. Try the one below and it'll work fine. I checked it out very funny.

www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=5141954652955
41


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DEBBYFROMMT's Photo DEBBYFROMMT SparkPoints: (135,678)
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4/22/14 12:55 P

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Darn, I can't get it to work, it was a funny too

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4/22/14 12:52 P

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https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v
=5
14195465295541


Edited by: DEBBYFROMMT at: 4/22/2014 (12:54)
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4/18/14 8:00 A

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Oh no! That is funny!

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL's Photo FLOWERDALEJEWEL Posts: 34,289
4/18/14 6:00 A

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One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, "Acts 2:38: 'Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'"

The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police. While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, "Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come you gave up so quickly?"

The robber said, "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"

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4/17/14 9:33 A

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That is a funny Jules, but so true. I've never liked the sound of bagpipes

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL's Photo FLOWERDALEJEWEL Posts: 34,289
4/12/14 5:42 A

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emoticon

How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?

Someone is blowing into it. emoticon

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2BDYNAMIC's Photo 2BDYNAMIC SparkPoints: (78,971)
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4/11/14 10:11 A

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I got on the elevator at work on ground floor ........... and the lady getting on asked:
"Going UP?" ............
(wanted to say ........... Well if we go down we will crash and burn!" ......... emoticon

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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2/12/14 4:21 A

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MSOLEDAD521's Photo MSOLEDAD521 Posts: 315
2/10/14 9:22 P

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"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said
the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?"
inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see
you standing up there all by yourself."

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Change your life today. Don't gamble on the future, act now, without delay.
Simone De Beauvoir


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FLOWERDALEJEWEL's Photo FLOWERDALEJEWEL Posts: 34,289
2/4/14 6:21 A

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Q: Why did the calf cross the road?

A: To get to the udder side.

Sorry, it's been a looooooooong day emoticon

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MSOLEDAD521's Photo MSOLEDAD521 Posts: 315
2/3/14 8:41 P

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Fitness Questionnaire

My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to review her application. For the question “To what do you attribute your fitness issues?” the woman wrote “Horrendous eating habits.”

“What makes you say that?” my friend asked.

The woman replied, “I can’t spell atrocious.”

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Change your life today. Don't gamble on the future, act now, without delay.
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DEBBYFROMMT's Photo DEBBYFROMMT SparkPoints: (135,678)
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1/12/14 6:12 P

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Hahaha good one Jules!

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL's Photo FLOWERDALEJEWEL Posts: 34,289
1/12/14 6:19 A

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A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to
absorb some of the culture of the homeland.

When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel By the way, I converted to Christianity."

"Oh, my," said the father. What have I done?" He decided to go ask his friend Jacob what to do.

Jake said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel , and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do." So they went to see the rabbi.

The rabbi said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel .He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people? Perhaps we should go talk to God and ask him what to do."

The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do.

Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven. The Voice said, "Funny you should ask. I, too, sent my Son to Israel ...


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Edited by: FLOWERDALEJEWEL at: 1/12/2014 (06:19)
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DEBBYFROMMT's Photo DEBBYFROMMT SparkPoints: (135,678)
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1/3/14 9:52 A

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LOL!!! My DH should be so lucky!

Debby


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1/3/14 5:00 A

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IM-SO-WORTH-IT's Photo IM-SO-WORTH-IT Posts: 1,424
1/3/14 1:20 A

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PRICELESS:

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party.

Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got
home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Prying his eyelids apart, the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table
and, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He
takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark
from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make You your favorite
dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning
newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk out of your mind, you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then
you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. All in all, one great performance Dad."

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast
is on the table waiting for me??"


His son replies, "Oh THAT... Apparently, mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers
off, you screamed....

"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Broken Coffee Table $239.99

Hot Breakfast $4.20

Two Aspirins $0.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time. . PRICELESS


Bev

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-control.
II Timothy 1:7




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I tried to post another joke...but the site keeps telling me there is profanity in it.... is darn a profanity??? Maybe it was the Christmas Balls or Buttercheeks??? Sorry folks you missed a good chuckle.

Bev

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-control.
II Timothy 1:7




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1/3/14 12:54 A

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An oldie but a goodie....
As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go, you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?' 'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale.

To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. 'What the hell is that?' she asked.

My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'

'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.

I kept my mouth shut.

'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.

'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.

But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health..

I can't wait until next Christmas.

Bev

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-control.
II Timothy 1:7




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10/8/13 10:29 P

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ROFLMAO!

Debby


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FLOWERDALEJEWEL's Photo FLOWERDALEJEWEL Posts: 34,289
10/8/13 10:22 P

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Morris goes into his local chemist and asks the assistant behind the counter, “What’s this Viagra like, then?”
“It’s very good sir,” says the assistant, “I use it myself.”
“Good,” says Morris. “Can you get it over the counter?”
To which the assistant answers, “Only if I take six, sir.”
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TWISTEDALICE's Photo TWISTEDALICE SparkPoints: (954)
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9/23/13 7:35 P

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Bwahahahaha!!!! You're ornery. emoticon

We're All Mad here

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DEBBYFROMMT's Photo DEBBYFROMMT SparkPoints: (135,678)
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9/23/13 8:13 A

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OH Jules, shame on you! LOL!!

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL's Photo FLOWERDALEJEWEL Posts: 34,289
9/23/13 8:00 A

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Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?

A: Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it is 20% off.


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TWISTEDALICE's Photo TWISTEDALICE SparkPoints: (954)
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9/23/13 7:57 A

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Monster's Inc Laugh Factory jokes we heard on Saturday night at Disney...they're so bad they're funny!

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emoticon emoticon


Edited by: FLOWERDALEJEWEL at: 9/23/2013 (07:59)
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TWISTEDALICE's Photo TWISTEDALICE SparkPoints: (954)
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9/23/13 7:51 A

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What did Darth Vader order at the Italian Bakery?

Only One Cannoli.

Why does Peter Pan always fly and never walk?

Cause he can Never Never Land.....

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By all means you can start your own thread if you want to or let me know if you want me to do it. Just make is a separate one so people can play it on its own

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KRITTEN1's Photo KRITTEN1 SparkPoints: (53,569)
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6/4/13 8:38 P

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how about stringing famous names together - where the last name of the first person is the first name of the second person.

example: Michael Jackson Pollock

for an extra challenge, see if you can string 3 or 4 names together.

think about historical figures, actors/directors, musicians, artist, writers, etc

FLOWERDALEJEWEL's Photo FLOWERDALEJEWEL Posts: 34,289
12/21/12 5:41 A

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Like what?????

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DEBBYFROMMT's Photo DEBBYFROMMT SparkPoints: (135,678)
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12/20/12 11:46 A

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How about a new game oh fearless leaders?

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL's Photo FLOWERDALEJEWEL Posts: 34,289
11/26/12 3:40 A

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There are three men one guy has a orange, the other has a bottle of water and the other a car door.they are walking though the hot desert. So the guy with the orange ate it, the one with the water drank it, the guy with the car door said i'm going to roll down the window

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KATHRYNLP's Photo KATHRYNLP SparkPoints: (131,493)
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11/25/12 11:34 A

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Huh? emoticon

Q. Did you hear about the kid napping?
A. Yeah, he woke up!



My Motto is..
"No one ever injured their eyesight by looking at the bright side of things."


 
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11/25/12 5:25 A

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Kathryn, have you been hanging out on my Facebook page????

What do you find up a clean nose?

Fingerprints

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11/24/12 1:00 P

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After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British".

One week later, Australia ’s Northern Territory Times reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek , Northern Territory, Knackers Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Knackers has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless." emoticon



Edited by: KATHRYNLP at: 11/24/2012 (08:27)
My Motto is..
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11/23/12 11:52 P

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A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

Once he was in the doctor's office the man said "I'm a little nervous Doctor". The Doctor said there's nothing to worry about, so the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over.

The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him.

"Sir" said the Doctor "You are going to have to trust me"

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A 75 Year Old Lady rings her local National Health Service hospital and this conversation follows:

'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree.
She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'

'Do you know which ward she is in?'

'Yes, ward P, room 2B'

'I'll just put you through to the nurse station.'

'Hello, ward P, how can I help?'

'I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'

'I'll just check her notes……
I'm pleased to say that Mrs Tiptree's conditioned has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.'

'Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!'

'You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?'

' No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2b. Nobody tells you anything here! ’

My Motto is..
"No one ever injured their eyesight by looking at the bright side of things."


 
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10/16/12 4:25 A

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Paddy decided to rob a bank. He got all the gear together - stocking mask, sawn-off shotgun, getaway car and so on - but he realised his accent would mark him out as Irish, so he took elocution lessons for almost a year until he could finally pass as an Englishman.
On the day of the robbery, he donned his mask, rushed into the bank and said, "I say there, I'm terribly sorry but this is a robbery. Be a good chap and fill this sack with lots of lovely lolly."
The cashier said, "you're Irish aren't you?"
Paddy was astonished. "How the devil did ye figure dat out?" he asked.
The cashier replied, "it was easy, you've sawn the wrong end off your shotgun!"

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10/15/12 1:57 P

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Aww poor lady. LOL!!!

Debby


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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'
I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?' She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.
I said, 'Well, why are you crying?' She said, 'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a..m.' I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying?' She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'


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An oldie but goodie

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

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8/16/12 8:54 A

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Hahahahaha! That is good!

Debby


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A travelling salesman was passing through a small town in the West when he saw a little old man sitting in a rocking chair on the stoop of his house. The little old man looked so contented that the salesman couldn't resist going over and talking to him.

"You look as if you don't have a care in the world," the salesman told him. "What is your formula for a long and happy life?" "Well," replied the little old man, "I smoke six packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a quart of bourbon every four hours and six cases of beer a week. I never wash and I go out every night." "My goodness," exclaimed the salesman, "that's just great! How old are you?" "Twenty-five," was the reply.

emoticon emoticon

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This one just tickles my warped funny bone

A group of retirees are on a bus trip when an old lady comes up to the driver and complains about being molested. The driver wonders who would want to molest her, and so tells her to go back and sit down.
Later, another old woman approaches and complains about molestation, and the driver tells her to go back and sit.
A third old lady screams and so this time the driver goes to investigate. He finds an old man on his hands and knees, and so he asks him what he's doing.
The old man says, "I'm trying to grab my toupee. Each time I grab it, it jumps and runs away screaming."

emoticon

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8/15/12 8:57 A

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Thank you... emoticon

Edited by: KATHRYNLP at: 8/15/2012 (16:00)
My Motto is..
"No one ever injured their eyesight by looking at the bright side of things."


 
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8/15/12 8:44 A

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Great change of pace from the blonde jokes!

Debby


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A year in the life of a Stupid Brunette

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

What a year!! She should bleach her hair and blame her dumbness on being a blonde.
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A blond takes her car to a mechanic! The mechanic says 'Nothing to worry about, just sh!t in the air filter!' She says 'Brilliant, how many times do I have to do that?'

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The Traffic Warden’s funeral

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden’s funeral
a voice from inside squawks:

"I'm not dead, I'm not dead! Let me out!!!"

The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters:

"Too late pal, paperwork’s already done" emoticon

My Motto is..
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6/3/12 6:30 A

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Over the Public address system...
'Clean-up on aisle 25, we have a husband down!.'

A husband and wife are shopping when the husband picks up a carton of beer and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the annoyed wife.
'They're on sale, only $30 for 24 cans' he replies meekly.
'Put them back immediately, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $60 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It’s my face cream. It makes me look more beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband says: 'So does a carton of beer, and it's half the price.'


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6/1/12 12:33 P

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OH no!!! This is funny!

Debby


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DEPRESSED??

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc. I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Folks, we're screwed.....



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5/3/12 11:20 A

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The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex..
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.


Bev

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-control.
II Timothy 1:7




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5/3/12 7:00 A

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emoticon You can't argue with that sort of logic!!


Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.

As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969."

The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
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5/2/12 12:57 P

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Just read the whole thread. Love them! Here's my contribution to the thread.



Why you should never question a Drunk.

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,

'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at
the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, 'Yes you are correct. But how
on earth did you know that?'

Wait for it…………..


The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

Bev

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-control.
II Timothy 1:7




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2/3/12 12:41 A

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lol! Soooooo funny!

"Whether you prevail or fail depends more on what you do to yourself than on what the world does to you" - Jim Collins

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Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."

The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."

"Yes I do!"

"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"

"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."

"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"

"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."

"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."

"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"

"Well, then I pick up some of the crap that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of
the cage."

"Well, what if there ain't no crap in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some crap on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."



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