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5/23/15 8:32 A

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As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg

She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and agai n was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the
would-be Samaritan and yelled,

'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled,

'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.'


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5/22/15 10:13 A

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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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5/22/15 8:50 A

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There are no great acts of love, only small acts done with great love- Mother Teresa


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5/22/15 5:12 A

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An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen and was handed $66.

He asked the teller why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week.

The lady answers, "Fluctuations."

The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around and said "Fluc you Amelicans too!"


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5/21/15 10:34 A

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5/21/15 7:47 A

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A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, and he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry.

He looked up from the page and said to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"

She looked at him wistfully, smiled, and replied, "Oh, yeah? Prove it."

He frowned for a moment, then said, "Okay."

He got up and walked out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.

About a half hour later, he returned all tired and sweaty and proclaimed, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig is always squealing, how can I tell?"

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5/20/15 10:48 A

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5/20/15 9:45 A

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There are no great acts of love, only small acts done with great love- Mother Teresa


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FLOWERDALEJEWEL's Photo FLOWERDALEJEWEL Posts: 38,931
5/20/15 8:54 A

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One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

"It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years," replies the Irishman.

With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Faith and begorah! Is that good!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of good Irish Whiskey?" she asks him.

Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years."

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!"

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too."

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5/18/15 1:31 P

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5/18/15 12:23 P

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A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's friend when the telephone rang.
After hanging up, she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry -- he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you.''

Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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5/18/15 12:14 P

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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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5/16/15 6:21 P

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emoticon .......(who found out about me?).............. emoticon

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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5/16/15 8:33 A

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5/16/15 7:05 A

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A blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a TGIF tee-shirt.

“Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on a Monday?”

“Oh crap!” the blonde says. “I didn't realize it was a religious T-shirt.

I thought it meant Tits Go In Front.”


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5/15/15 8:39 A

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5/15/15 8:26 A

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Ha me too!!!

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Wyoming, Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over, "Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope, Not a clue", she replied.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!'

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert,

Shoulda bought a hat..."

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5/14/15 6:59 P

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Oh yes I have two brothers!

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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5/14/15 11:04 A

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5/14/15 10:33 A

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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5/14/15 10:28 A

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emoticon emoticon emoticon

Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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5/14/15 10:14 A

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ROTF LMAO

There are no great acts of love, only small acts done with great love- Mother Teresa


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5/14/15 7:21 A

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A class was given a homework assignment to find out something
exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little
boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class. He
picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard
and sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.

"It's a 'period'," he replied.

"I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so exciting about a 'period'?"

"Darned if I know," said the boy,

"but yesterday my sister was missing one,

Mom fainted,

Dad had a heart attack

and the boy next door joined the Navy."

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5/13/15 11:01 A

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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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5/13/15 8:41 A

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5/13/15 5:59 A

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The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'


Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'


'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'


'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'


'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.


After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'


'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'


'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'


'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'


'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.


'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'


'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.


The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.


'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.


'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'


'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.


'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'


'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.


'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.


Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'


Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'


'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'


'Tripod?'


'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'


Mrs. Smith fainted!


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5/11/15 10:02 P

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emoticon ....No $HIT .............. emoticon

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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5/11/15 11:04 A

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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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5/10/15 5:59 A

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5/10/15 3:47 A

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Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."

The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."

"Yes I do!"

"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"

"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."

"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"

"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."

"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."

"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"

"Well, then I pick up some of the crap that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage."

"Well, what if there ain't no crap in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some crap on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."

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5/9/15 8:18 A

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5/9/15 5:18 A

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What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?




An armadildo.


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5/8/15 7:28 A

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5/8/15 4:29 A

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What goes, "clip clop, clip clop, bang! bang! bang! clippity clop, clippity clop?"



A drive by shooting in an Amish neighborhood!

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5/7/15 11:42 A

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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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5/7/15 7:57 A

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emoticon That one made me laugh out loud! emoticon

There are no great acts of love, only small acts done with great love- Mother Teresa


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5/7/15 4:51 A

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Three guys die together and go to heaven.... St. Peter says, We only have one rule...don't step on the ducks as they are God's favorite creation.

They enter heaven and see ducks everywhere, and it's almost impossible to not step on a duck.

The first guy accidentally steps on one, and soon here comes St. Peter with the biggest, ugliest woman he'd ever seen...St Peter chains them together and says, Your punishment is to be chained to this ugly woman forever.

The next day the second guy steps on a duck...Sure enough, St. Peter comes with another ugly woman and chains them together.

Seeing this, the third guy is very, very careful. He goes for months and doesn't step on any ducks.

One day, St. Peter comes along with this beautiful woman: Blonde, blue-eyed, very young and very sexy.

He chains them together and leaves without a word.

The man remarks, I wonder what I did to deserve this good fortune?

And the Blonde says, I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.

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A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."

Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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Last summer, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't run Jane

kept hinting to Dick, her husband, that he needed to get it fixed.

However, for some reason the message wasn't sinking in.



She finally thought of a clever way to make the point. When Dick

arrived home that day, he found her seated in the tall grass busily

clipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.



He watched silently for a short time, then went into the house. Jane

thought she had again failed to get his attention. He was gone only a

few moments, and when he came out again he handed her a toothbrush

saying, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep

the sidewalks."



The ambulance arrived just in the nick of time to save him

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5/5/15 10:29 A

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ROTF LMAO emoticon

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A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.
'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, 'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said: 'Next year tell Santa; The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top
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Edited by: FLOWERDALEJEWEL at: 5/5/2015 (07:09)
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How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?




Someone is blowing into it.

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5/3/15 7:46 A

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After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table.

Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her: "Hello. How are you? We've been waiting for you. Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "l-o-v-e," and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation, and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

"Czechoslovakia."

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Don't know if I've posted this before, but it's a good one for another showing


A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time.

The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child."
The wife asks if he means polio. He says, "No, it only affects the toes."

He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too."

Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no -- smallcox, too!"


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5/1/15 10:28 A

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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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emoticon Thanks for the laugh-'I needed it!

There are no great acts of love, only small acts done with great love- Mother Teresa


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Hahahahah well there you go!! emoticon


Q: What do a hemophiliac and a virgin have in common?




A: One prick and they’re done.

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4/30/15 2:34 P

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A man is fishing and he catches a crocodile. The crocodile tells him, "Please let me go! I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man says, "Okay, I wish my penis could touch the ground." The crocodile then bites his legs off. emoticon

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One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't it obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading,' she replies.

To which he replies, 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book?,' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I am not fishing. I am reading,' she replies, again.

Again he says, 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

And she replies, 'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.





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A local policeman had just finished his shift one evening and was sitting at home with his wife.

"You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." he said

"Oh yes dear, what happened ?" she replies

"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." said the policeman

"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them ?" the wife says

"Oh that was easy" he said "I charged one and let the other off."



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A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run....Run!"

The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"

The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!"

All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."

After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"



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If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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A lady goes into a tattoo parlor and asks the artist to tattoo a picture of Robert Redford on her right upper thigh and a picture of Paul Newman on her left upper thigh.

The artist does so, and when he finishes hands her a mirror so she can inspect the work.

She looks at the left thigh and says, "Wow! That’s definitely Paul Newman. Just look at those blue eyes." Then she looks at the right thigh and complains, "That doesn’t look like Robert Redford."

The artist disagrees and says they need to find an impartial judge.

They go to the bar next door and ask the first guy they meet to identify the tattoos.

She raises her skirt and drops her panties, and he gets his face up close and says, "Well, ma’am, the one on your left thigh is definitely Paul Newman. He even has the blue eyes. The one on your right I’m not sure about—but the one in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson."


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A renowned psychologist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their little children.

After a few hours of talking and analyzing their words and behavior, he said: "I believe that you all suffer from some obsession." He remarked.

He turned to the first mother and said, "You obviously have an obsession with food. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. And it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny,"

He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go".

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emoticon Amen!

Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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4/23/15 7:54 A

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There are no great acts of love, only small acts done with great love- Mother Teresa


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4/23/15 5:02 A

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Well Jan the hubby must have been in the predicament of having to get out of another ladys bed at some other point in time. So when the wife frightened him he just did the first thing he was used to doing ............... somehow explaining the joke makes it less funny emoticon

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th
son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.


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4/22/15 11:54 P

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Uh-Oh ................ am not figuring this one ..............Please help someone ........

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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4/22/15 10:35 A

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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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4/22/15 10:27 A

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4/22/15 7:51 A

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A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman,sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy S#@t, That must be my husband!'
So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man.
He smashed himself on the ground,ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!!!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.

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4/21/15 8:21 P

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emoticon .............Gross tho Funny.......

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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4/21/15 10:18 A

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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

Noreen


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4/21/15 9:48 A

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4/21/15 5:13 A

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Q: If you had one cricket ball in one hand and another cricket ball in your other hand, what would you have?






A: A bloody big cricket.



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4/20/15 10:30 A

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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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4/20/15 9:53 A

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A fleeing criminal, desperate to escape the police, runs into the desert with hardly any water. Very soon, he runs out of drinking water, and hours later, he is already plodding under the merciless desert sun.

He is close to desperation when suddenly sees something far off in the distance. Hoping against hope that it is water, he starts running towards what he thinks is an oasis, only to find a little old man with a little stand, full of ties.

'Hey you, do you have water?' Pants the criminal.

The old man replied, 'I have already finished my water, but would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.'

The criminal, frustrated shouted, 'you moron! Do I look like I need a tie? I should kill you right here, but I have to find some water first!"

'There's no call for threats,' said the old tie seller indignantly, 'but even though you don't want to buy one of my ties and you treat me like this, I'll help you. If you continue over that hill for about 3 miles, you'll find a restaurant with great food and all the ice cold water you can drink. Good luck!"

Muttering in disgust, the criminal staggered away over the hill. Several hours later the other man sees him crawling on the dune back towards him. When he finally arrives, he lays on his back, panting.

"Everything ok?" Asked the tie salesman as he bends over to hear the raspy whisper of the other man.

"They won't let me in without a tie..."



Edited by: FLOWERDALEJEWEL at: 4/20/2015 (06:32)
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4/19/15 12:00 P

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Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. - Oscar Wilde

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4/19/15 11:45 A

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emoticon ......Be careful what we wish for............Applause

Now then ................WHO AM I? emoticon

Edited by: 2BDYNAMIC at: 4/19/2015 (11:47)
~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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4/19/15 10:06 A

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