Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for you. You can make up your mind to forgive someone without them even knowing it. People think that if you forgive someone, that you have to go to that person and tell them. You don't. When you forgive someone, you release the hurt, anger, pain from your life and then you are free to move on. As long as you hold on to that hurt, anger, and pain, you are stuck in that moment, reliving that moment, over and over. This is not to say that you have to decide to forgive right this very second, you still need to work through the emotions, your emotions, not the other person's emotions. Speaking from experience, it took me at least 4 years to get over the hurt caused to me by my x-husband. But then one day, I realized that I needed to let it go. While driving in my car one day, I spoke these words, "I forgive you and I release you and all hurt pain and anger related to you from my life." And felt better immediately. The thing is, he knows nothing about it. I did it for me. I have read that holding on to hurt and anger, is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Do it in your own time and own way but let it go~~~~sooner than later
It sounds like you are already on the right path. Forgiveness is a process. It doesn't happen overnight. Also, I think people mistake forgiving with forgetting. You may be able to forgive, but forgetting the injury/hurt/slight, whatever, is much harder. We are human, after all. Don't beat yourself up when you find yourself thinking about whatever it is that has hurt you, just stop, take a breath and redirect your train of thought. You are absolutely right. Holding grudges only hurts you. :)
Never, never, never give up. - Sir Winston Churchill
It's ok to get knocked to the ground, but it's not ok to stay there! - Me
Pounds lost: 5.0
Fitness Minutes: (5,416) Posts: 2,550 10/17/11 11:07 A
I finally had a chance to talk to the family member in question. When I finally explained my feelings to them, they were really contrite. They have since made gestures of apology. I've let a lot of that go.
As for my co-worker, I've realized I can't change her. I have to change how I react to her. I have been reading quite a bit by Martha Beck (the life coach from O magazine) and she talks a lot about reframing your mindset.
We only hurt ourselves when we don't forgive.
"So shines a good deed in a weary world."
Pounds lost: 95.0
Fitness Minutes: (0) Posts: 1 10/15/11 11:33 P
Recreating myself is a difficult thing to do, for so long I used my wt as a shield , but now it it is affecting my health , so I have decided to take a leap of faith and believe in myself, as well as forgive myself .
Edited by: TIMETOSHINE53 at: 10/15/2011 (23:34)
Fitness Minutes: (7,518) Posts: 2,307 10/15/11 12:46 A
I also struggle with this and wish that I had some words of wisdom. I think at times that I am over-sensitive, but wonder if I just use that as an excuse to help deal with others' bullying or nastiness. I wish you luck with this because I truly know what it it like to have people living in my head rent-free!!
“Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles…. it empties today of its strength.”
current weight: 130.4
Fitness Minutes: (5,416) Posts: 2,550 10/14/11 7:39 P
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