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10/18/14 1:06 P

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Wow! I love this, Sarah! chris

GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight. HOW? By not eating added sugar, using Omega3s, base meals on veggies, water aerobics at least 3X week and using NuStep when I can't get to the pool.

CAREGIVER SUPPORT PLEASE SEE THESE LINKS:
www.caring.com/
www.agingcare.com/

30 lbs. gone. Now to work on the next 10 lbs.


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9/24/14 3:34 P

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A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"



"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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8/26/14 6:45 P

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Church Signs


1) Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!

2) Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.

3) Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!

4) An ad for a Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.

5) When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

6) Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!

7) Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!

8) Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.

9) Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.

10) If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.


"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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8/1/14 1:47 P

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Smile for today:


I've reached the age when my train of thought often leaves the station without me!!!

Fibro fatigue is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.


"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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7/22/14 3:06 P

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A Child's Point of View!

The story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children's Sunday School class. Following the story, the children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate the story. Little Bobby drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat was a man and in the back seat, a man and a woman. The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson of Adam and Eve. Little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. "Why, this is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!"




"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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7/14/14 8:14 P

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Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to
work on time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and
a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their
"Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a
bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late
so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am sorry and am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.”

“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder.“

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment,
“I know you're retired from the Armed Forces.
What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning
late so often?"

The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.
He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually
saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?



"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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7/2/14 4:56 P

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A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big
"everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah.
I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give
him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns
and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!?
Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your
employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force
here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North
Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the
boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked
(semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I
sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him
where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him
he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department
and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think
his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive
department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him
a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife,
and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.


"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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6/27/14 10:58 P

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Great Truths About Growing Old!

1.Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2 Insanity is your only means of relaxation.

3.There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, think how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt!

4.One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

5.Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.

6.The best way to keep kids at home is to create a pleasant atmosphere for them, and let the air out of their tires.

7.Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

8.Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

9.Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

10.You find that if you just hang something in your closet for a while, it amazingly shrinks two sizes.

11.You realize that if you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts

12..Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

13.Your mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.

14.You choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

15.You forget about health food because you need all the preservatives you can get.

16.When you stoop to tie your shoes, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

17.You get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

18.You realize you were put on earth to accomplish a certain number of things, but you're so far behind you might have to live forever.

19.You know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

20.You finally get your head together, but your body has fallen apart.

21.You recognize that time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

22.The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

23.You discover that age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

24.You think you understand everything, then you regain consciousness.



"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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5/21/14 4:04 P

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Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married?



A: Newlywebs.


"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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5/13/14 11:06 A

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A little 3-year-old girl was playing with her miniature tea set. Her father was in the living room and her mother was out shopping. The little girl came out to the living room and offered her father a cup of tea, which was in fact just water. He thought this was really cute, so she did it several more times.

When the mother came home, the father had the mother stop and watch the little tea ritual, as her daughter brought the father another cup of tea (water) and he drank it.

The mother said, “Very nice. But has it occurred to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”


"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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5/10/14 11:29 A

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The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.

Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"



"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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CAROLIAN's Photo CAROLIAN SparkPoints: (107,533)
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5/10/14 7:04 A

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My name is Carol I live in UK Leader of DISABLED/FIBROMYALGIA & MORE
Northern English Lassess
Northwest England
Co Leader Fibro Friends
Fighting Fibromyalgia
FMS support


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5/9/14 11:40 A

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Hymns for Us OLDer folks:



* Give Me the Old Timers Religion

* Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up

* Just a Slower Walk with Thee

* Go Tell It on the Mountain, But Speak Up

* Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing

* Guide Me, O Thou, Great Lord God, I’ve Forgotten Where I’ve Parked The Car

* Count Your Many Birthdays, Count Them One By One

* Blessed Insurance

* It Is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt


"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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5/4/14 10:10 A

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A Childs Point Of View


The story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children's Sunday School class. Following the story, the children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate the story.

Little Bobby was most interested and drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat, behind the wheel was a man and in the back seat, a man and a woman.

The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson of Adam and Eve.

But little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. "Why, this is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!"



"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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5/4/14 10:08 A

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"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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SYLVIA49's Photo SYLVIA49 Posts: 698
5/3/14 6:59 P

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Southern Baptist at the Race Track

Did you hear about the about the Southern Baptist who was in the habit of sneaking to the race track to bet on the horses?

Top Christian Jokes
One day he was losing badly when he saw a priest step onto the track, walk up to line-up and bless one of the horses on the forehead. The horse was a long shot, but the Southern Baptist thought, "With the priest's blessing, surely this horse will win." He placed a small bet and, sure enough, the horse came in first.

At the next race, the priest stepped onto the track and blessed another horse's forehead. Even though this horse was also a long shot, the Southern Baptist was a little bolder this time and placed a larger bet on that horse. Again, it won.

A third time, the priest stepped onto the track and blessed a horse on the forehead. Like the others, this horse was also a long shot. The Southern Baptist placed an even larger bet this time and, sure enough the horse won.

This pattern continued throughout the day with the priest blessing the forehead of a long shot horse, the Southern Baptist placing larger and larger bets and the horse always winning.

At the last race of the day, the Southern Baptist thought, "I have got to go for broke here." With great anticipation, he watched as the priest stepped onto the field one more time, walked up to the line-up and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. The Southern Baptist ran to the ticket counter and bet all he had on that horse.

The horse came in dead last!

As he was walking out, he saw the priest. Walking up to him, he demanded, "What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they won, even though they were long shots. Then at the last race you blessed a horse, I bet everything and the horse lost."

"That's the problem with you Protestants," said the priest. "You can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites."

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5/3/14 4:19 P

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Senior Lingo


Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:

BFF: Best Friend Fainted

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM: Covered by Medicare

FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!


Heres one I made up: FAU....fibro acting up

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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SYLVIA49's Photo SYLVIA49 Posts: 698
5/2/14 10:16 P

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Lol! Swiped it, Sarah!

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ANGELJOY85's Photo ANGELJOY85 Posts: 431
5/2/14 10:39 A

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Jeremiah 29:11a "I know the plans I have for you....."


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5/2/14 10:16 A

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Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them before they could enter Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her.

The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said,"So, tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder....
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

"Then," the blonde continued, "now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."
St. Peter fainted...

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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5/2/14 7:41 A

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My name is Carol I live in UK Leader of DISABLED/FIBROMYALGIA & MORE
Northern English Lassess
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Fighting Fibromyalgia
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SYLVIA49's Photo SYLVIA49 Posts: 698
4/27/14 11:02 P

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....seals emoticon


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4/27/14 10:53 P

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He he...cute Sylvia:)

Animal crackers:

“Mom, can I have an animal cracker?” asked 3 year old Bob. “Sure Bob,” said his mom. “Open up the box, and take a few.”

Forty five minutes later Bob’s mother walked into the kitchen. “Bob, why’d you spill out all of the animal crackers, and what are you looking for?” “

It said on the box not to eat it if the seal is broken.” Bob replied “I spilled out the whole box, I looked through all of the animals but I can’t find any seals!”


"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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SYLVIA49's Photo SYLVIA49 Posts: 698
4/27/14 5:36 P

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An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit the car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed and photographed, and then placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, the policeman approached the cell and opened the door. The woman was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak. I noticed the "Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do" bumper sticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School" sticker and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

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Edited by: SYLVIA49 at: 4/27/2014 (17:43)
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4/21/14 12:17 P

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Sarah, that's priceless! emoticon


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4/21/14 12:01 P

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I love children...they are just so awesome:)
What an adorable thing to say......



todays joke:

Two doctors opened an office in a small town.
They put up a sign reading: "Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."

The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: "Hysterias and Posteriors."

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."

No go! Next they tried "Catatonics and Colonics" Thumbs down again.

Then came, "Manic-Depressives and Anal-Retentives."

But is was still not good! So they tried:
"Minds and Behinds"
"Analysis and Anal Cysts"
"Nuts and Butts"
"Freaks and Cheeks"
"Loons and Moons"
"Lost Souls and Butt Holes"
None worked.

Almost at their wits' end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:

"Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends."
APPROVED!

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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4/21/14 3:54 A

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Oh, the candidness of children...! emoticon emoticon

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4/20/14 9:15 P

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I just have to share this laughter and yes it sure does explain the simplicity we miss.

We sat down to dinner with 6 children ranging from 22 to 6. After prayer the 6 year old sat quietly didn't say much but stared at her food. When asked what was wrong she said "ok let me get this straight...first we make them have baby Jesus in a stable where it is cold and blucky at Christmas. Then Easter comes and we beat the poor man. Am I the only one who finks that we are lucky Jesus forgives because I'm not sure I would be that nice if I hung on a cross....." she picked up her fork and started eating.

Yes, we all had tears laughing but you know it made me think how right she is. But she did pay attention in church today....


Jeremiah 29:11a "I know the plans I have for you....."


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SYLVIA49's Photo SYLVIA49 Posts: 698
4/20/14 6:57 P

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Relate? All of the above! ! ! (Well, not the cop - yet...)

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4/20/14 12:44 P

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You might have FMS/ME/CFS if:

You've got your pharmacist on speed dial.

You tell the cop you're driving slow because of the fog -- and it's sunny out.

You fit the diagnostic criteria for both insomnia and narcolepsy.

You've got more diagnoses than a nursing home.

Your medical chart comes in several volumes.

Old people avoid you because of how much you talk about your health.


can you add any to these???

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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4/20/14 12:32 P

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Another one for us of Best things about fibro:

We can hide easter eggs and then hunt them ourselves.....we can't remember where we put them:)

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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4/20/14 3:18 A

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Oh, Sarah! I swiped your "10 Best Things About Fibromyalgia..." awesome! emoticon

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4/19/14 4:31 P

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Q. What do you call a sheep that is covered in chocolate?

A. A Hershey baaaaaar!





"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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4/19/14 4:25 P

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emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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HEIDISHOPE's Photo HEIDISHOPE SparkPoints: (61,852)
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4/19/14 2:57 P

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Q: why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?


A: So he could get a long little doggy.

Blessings,
Heidi

Proverbs 3: 5-8 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. "




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DUSTYPRAIRIE's Photo DUSTYPRAIRIE Posts: 9,122
4/19/14 10:25 A

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Those are great! Wish I had one to share.

SARAHTAIT's Photo SARAHTAIT Posts: 26,276
4/18/14 3:35 P

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Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?





"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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ANGELJOY85's Photo ANGELJOY85 Posts: 431
4/15/14 8:39 P

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emoticon

Jeremiah 29:11a "I know the plans I have for you....."


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HEIDISHOPE's Photo HEIDISHOPE SparkPoints: (61,852)
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4/15/14 7:55 P

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I teach Botany to 13 4th-6th homeschoolers on Tuesdays at our homeschool co-op.
There have been a few funny things said recently....

We had just finished reading how female oak and Ginko Biloba trees must be 20 years old before they can produce seeds. Quick as a blink....one of the students piped up...."Her dad must have made up that rule!"



Blessings,
Heidi

Proverbs 3: 5-8 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. "




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SMIDGON's Photo SMIDGON Posts: 4,376
4/15/14 7:18 P

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I smile when Lexie crawels up in my lap and wraps her arms [legs] around me.

I also don't have to make my bed, I spend so much time in it!

I have beautiful dressing gowns. When I am staying home, I get dressed in them.

"All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, and are called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

~+~ Janet


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ANGELJOY85's Photo ANGELJOY85 Posts: 431
4/14/14 10:19 A

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emoticon Lil Ang. is giggling Sarah

Jeremiah 29:11a "I know the plans I have for you....."


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SARAHTAIT's Photo SARAHTAIT Posts: 26,276
4/14/14 9:30 A

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What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?


Bacon and legs.

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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SARAHTAIT's Photo SARAHTAIT Posts: 26,276
4/14/14 12:10 A

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10 best things about Fibromyalgia

(from Zazzle.com amazing website of super cool products)

I save money on magazines. With brain fog, I can’t remember what I just read!

I am a cheap date. No alcohol, no dessert and I still feel drunk or hungover.

On ‘good day’s I feel wonderful. Other people need a much better day to feel that way.

I am easy to find…I’m either at the Dr’s office or at home.

I never have to make my bed because I’ll probably be right back in it.

I have acquired a great lounging/sleeping wardbrobe. I rarely get dressed as nobody ever sees me.

Disequilibrium saves money on amusement parks. I get the same sensations every time I stand up!
I feel smarter than my Doctors…all they say is ‘I don’t know’

With short-term memory impairment I can hide my own Easter eggs and Christmas presents.


"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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ANGELJOY85's Photo ANGELJOY85 Posts: 431
4/13/14 4:09 P

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emoticon

Jeremiah 29:11a "I know the plans I have for you....."


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SARAHTAIT's Photo SARAHTAIT Posts: 26,276
4/13/14 2:58 P

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You might have FMS/ME/CFS if:

You've got your pharmacist on speed dial.

You tell the cop you're driving slow because of the fog -- and it's sunny out.

You fit the diagnostic criteria for both insomnia and narcolepsy.

You've got more diagnoses than a nursing home.

Your medical chart comes in several volumes.

Old people avoid you because of how much you talk about your health.


"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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SARAHTAIT's Photo SARAHTAIT Posts: 26,276
4/13/14 2:56 P

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Share any jokes or humorous stories here....



Proverbs 17:22 - A merry heart doeth good [like] a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.


Edited by: SARAHTAIT at: 4/13/2014 (14:57)
"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"
Romans 8:37


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