Sorry, this will be a rant, but I have nowhere else to post it. All my friends are sick of my weight drama.
Tonight, I was supposed to have "Mom's Night Out' with the playgroup moms. I've had my mind set on going out and 'celebrating' (doing ceramics painting then fro-yo) all day. Last minute, it was canceled. I've been fighting my depression all day anyway, so when it was ditched, I was upset. No celebrating. I was going to take my frustration out in a run, but hubby wanted me to wait until the kids were in bed so we could run together. Not even bedtime and I hit an energy low and took a shower instead. No running for me tonight. But I'm still craving a treat so now I have cookie in the oven. Which is exactly what I don't need on a week when I've gained 3 lbs and feel my thighs jiggling each time I walk.
I want so badly to get healthy and get in shape. I've bought 6 Jillian Michaels dvds to try to gain some muscle and tone up - I'd really love to be 'in shape' by the time I see my friends at New Years. I'm trying desperately to get an appointment with a doc who I think can really help me with my depression/other health issues which would make a HUGE difference -but in the meantime, how do I balance life and working out/eating right without sabotaging myself? The only time of day I have to work out is during naptime - but not only is that my lowest-energy part of the day, but I'm so worn out from chasing my 3 kids (under 5) that all I can do is finish my few chores then nap myself. And I can't seem to kick my cravings for sugar - I'm trying to stick to once piece of dark chocolate a day, but on my depression days I bake like there's no tomorrow.
I guess I'm just frustrated and angry with myself tonight. Thanks for letting me vent.