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WHITECAT19's Photo WHITECAT19 SparkPoints: (40,490)
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6/11/14 10:20 P

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I love it! And I needed a good laugh today, too.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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6/11/14 9:39 A

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NO INSURANCE

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and he went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well. As the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed.

"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"

"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.

"Can you pay in cash?"

"I'm afraid I can't, Sister."

"Do you have any close relatives, then?"

"Just my sister in New Mexico," replied, "but she's a spinster nun."

"Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied. "They are married to God."

"Okay," the man said with a smile, "then send the bill to my brother-in-law."


This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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2/5/14 7:19 P

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LOL!!! I love it! Thanks for making me laugh Whitecat19!

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

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2/5/14 6:29 P

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If a priest makes a mistake during Liturgy, is it a clerical error?

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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2/5/14 11:57 A

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FUNNY!

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

Fab 40's co-team leader
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2/3/14 1:40 P

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Good one!

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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2/3/14 9:44 A

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WHISKEY ATTITUDE

Recently one Congressman from a Bible Belt congressional district was asked about his attitude toward whiskey.

The politician responded, "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it."

He continued, "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position and I will not compromise."

This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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1/16/14 6:25 P

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Peas are one of the few foods I am not fond of! Hee, hee!

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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1/16/14 4:40 P

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LOVE IT! Made me laugh. Thanks for sharing.

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

Fab 40's co-team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=11525


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1/16/14 4:04 P

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THE THREAT
(True story!)

As two policemen were eating lunch in a cafe, they heard a woman nearby say loudly, "Jimmy, if you don't eat all your peas, I'll have those policemen come over and talk to you." One of the policemen promptly walked over to the five-year-old who was being scolded.

"Jimmy," he said, just as loudly, "I'm six-foot-two and weigh 200 pounds. And I never ate a pea in my life." Then he turned and left. The other patrons started to laugh while Jimmy's mother was absolutely silent, and a smiling Jimmy was no longer afraid of policemen.


This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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1/16/14 1:42 P

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Ha, ha! Those are good!

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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1/15/14 9:24 A

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TOM SWIFT-LY THROUGH THE OLD TESTAMENT

"I have sinned," said Adam originally.

"Have an apple," the serpent said fruitfully.

"Come here, Abel," Cain said brotherly.

"You snails almost didn't make it," Noah said wetly.

"No spika de Inglish," they babbled at Babel confusedly.

"Nonsense, I'll look behind me all I please," replied Lot's wife saltily.

"Here's your pottage," Jacob said hairily.

"My thigh is out of joint," Jacob said angelically.

"I was the sun and you were the stars," Joseph said dreamily.

"Hey, fellas, look at my new coat," Joseph said colorfully.

"I feel like traveling on, Madame Potiphar," Joseph said coatlessly.

"Now we can open grain storage area #1," Joseph said leanly.

"See how the reeds made him in just certain spots," Pharaoh's daughter said mosaically.

"Tomorrow, we'll cross the Red Sea," Moses said dividedly.

"But we cannot find water if there is nothing but rocks," the ladies of Israel told Moses gushingly.

"And here is your calf to worship," Aaron said goldenly.

"There are the pieces of the Ten Commandments," Moses said stonily.

"With God, we are bigger than the giants," Joshua and Caleb said largely.

"____________________________________," said Balaam's ass crushingly.

"Sure I'll hide you, spies," Rahab said scarletly.

"Now what could have caused the defeat at Ai?" Achan said guiltily.

"Can you give me a place to sleep and all I need?" Sisera said naillessly.

"Will the fleece be wet this dewy morning?" Gideon asked dryly.

"Your weapons are a trumpet, a pitcher, and a torch," Gideon said generally.

"That makes a thousand Philistines," Samson said hairily.

"Get up, Samson, your enemies are on you!" Delilah said snippingly.

"This is my new husband, Boaz," Ruth said messianically.

"Now, boys, let's subjugate our impulses," Eli said fatherlyly.

"Here am I," Samuel said prophetically.

"Just call me 'Kingy,' boys," Saul said firstly.

"I love you," Jonathan told David brotherly.

"Lion, let go of my lamb," David said barehandedly.

"You'll never conquer me," Goliath said stonily.

"Here, catch the javelin," Saul said jealously.

"Meet my new wife, Bathsheba," David said adulterously.

"Divide the baby with a sword," Solomon said wisely.

"I'm amazed at your wisdom," the Queen of Sheba said regally.

"We'll not have taxation without representation," Jeroboam said rebelliously.

"We've got to pay for our Great Society," Rehoboam said threateningly.

"Thank you, Sir Raven," Elijah said fully.

"Here comes old Elisha," the children said baldly.

"That's the seventh dip," Namaan said cleanly.

"The driver is Jehu," the watchman reported to Jehoram furiously.

"This the new Fury Chariot," Jehu said windily.

"As goes Gomer, so goeth Israel," Hosea said prophetically.

"My feet are cold," Shadrach said fierily.

"Long live, O King," Daniel told Darius sleepily.

"This is where the wall of Jerusalem should be," Nehemiah said constructively.

"I've seen a little trouble during my life," Job said experientially.

"No fish for me," Jonah said greatly.


Copyright (C) 1960, Asa Sparks, 6045 Camelot Court, Montgomery AL 36117

This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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SALTYCHOCOLATE's Photo SALTYCHOCOLATE Posts: 9,410
10/8/13 1:17 A

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emoticon emoticon emoticon

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

Fab 40's co-team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=11525


Bikram Yoga Lovers Team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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10/7/13 9:31 P

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Hee, hee, hee!

I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there!

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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10/7/13 12:03 P

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Painting the Church

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.

Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:

"Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.
(You're going to love this.)

"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

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10/2/13 12:48 P

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Kinda sad, isn't it!?

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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ANTIOCHIA's Photo ANTIOCHIA Posts: 2,302
10/2/13 9:37 A

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A one-dollar bill met up with a twenty:

"Where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you for ages…"

"Oh, first I was spinning around the casino, and then started on a voyage. After I got back home to the US, I visited two football games, took a nap at a bank, woke up in an ATM, found myself in a supermarket, so it goes… And what about you? What’s up?"

"Always the same thing, church, church and church again…"


Edited by: ANTIOCHIA at: 10/2/2013 (09:39)
This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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10/1/13 9:39 P

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Very clever!


The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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10/1/13 9:24 P

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A devout and well-off man decided to leave all his property to a monastery where the monks would pray for him for exactly half of the time left before Judgment Day. There were many claimants to his inheritance, but all failed to prove that they would pray exactly half of the time left before Judgment Day, as this date in unknown to humans.

Finally true heirs turned up. These monks agreed to pray for the wealthy man's soul every other day.

This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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9/23/13 5:56 P

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I like that one! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

A hungry traveler peeks into the kitchen at the monastery and sees a brother frying chips. The traveler says, "Are you the friar?" The brother replies, "No, I'm the chip monk."

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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9/23/13 5:17 P

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Hmmm -- I had to say that one out loud before I got it! LOL

Take One Apple

At a college student retreat at a monastery, the abbess stacked a pile
of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying, "Take
only one apple please - God is watching."

On the other end of the table was a pile of cookies on which
a student had placed a sign saying, "Take all the cookies
you want - God is watching the apples."


This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


 current weight: 177.2 
 
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9/14/13 2:39 P

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Did you hear about the little boy who begged his parents to take him on vacation? He wanted to go out West to visit the Annie Oakleyan Diocese.

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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9/5/13 10:47 P

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Good one! Our priest is an excellent preacher, so I never sleep through it!

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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9/5/13 10:33 P

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That is very sweet!
Here's something that was e-mailed to me:

The Pilot and the Priest

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? 'The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.'

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom. 'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?

'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached – people slept. When he flew, people prayed.'

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

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9/5/13 7:30 P

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Is a true story okay to include here? My daughter and her family have a wonderful dog named Scoonie. Scoonie is getting quite old, but she is much beloved by her family. Little Drew came to my daughter one day and said, "Mommy, when you and Daddy get old and die, I want to be the one to take care of Scoonie!" (I know . . . it will not be funny when Scoonie dies.) emoticon

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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8/27/13 10:54 A

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Too funny!

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

Fab 40's co-team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=11525


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8/24/13 9:13 A

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THE PREACHER'S SON

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was
getting high time the boy gave some thought to choosing a
profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't
really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too
concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father
decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room
and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bible,

2. A silver dollar,

3. A bottle of whiskey,

4. And a Playboy magazine.

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to
himself, "and when he comes home from school, I'll see which
object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a
preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he
picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and
that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's
going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame
that would be. And worst of all, if he picks up that
magazine, he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously and soon heard his son's
footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for
his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he
turned to leave the room, he spotted the objects on the
table. He walked over to inspect them, looking at each for
several minutes. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed
it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped
into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big
drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.

"Lord have mercy!" the old preacher prayed. "He's going into
politics!!"


This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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oh brother! emoticon
Thanks for the laugh!

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

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SILK WORMS

Did you hear about the two silk worms who were in a race?

They both ended up in a tie.

This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
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p?cookbook=6445


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emoticon

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

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HOMEWORK

"Vernon, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to
the little boy while holding out her hand.

"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.

"Vernon, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you
really expect me to believe that?"

"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted the boy. "I had
to dip it in gravy, but he ate it!"

This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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12/14/12 3:40 P

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Too funny!! Thanks for the laugh.

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

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FROZEN WINDOWS

Wife texts husband, on a cold winter’s morning:
"Windows frozen."
Husband texts back:
"Pour some lukewarm water over it."
Wife texts back, 5 minutes later:
"Computer completely messed up now."


This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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So funny and so true!!

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

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HEREAFTER

Our priest came to visit the other day. He said at my age I
should be thinking of the hereafter.

I told him, "Oh, I do it all the time. No matter where I am
-- in the living room, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the
basement -- I ask myself, 'Now, what am I here after?'"


This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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11/21/12 11:33 A

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That's hysterical! Thanks so much for the laugh and have a happy Thanksgiving!

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

Fab 40's co-team leader
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THANKSGIVING WEATHER FORECAST

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to
an afternoon high near 190 F. The kitchen will turn hot and
humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe
squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a
knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation
of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift
across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots
on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for
the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the
beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and
taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34 F in the
refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat
sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be
expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered
soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup
develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as
the only wish left will be the bone.

THANKSGIVING OUTLOOK by Elliot Abrams, excerpted from the
book, "Weather Prognosticators and the Media: Fallacies,
Facts, and Fun in Forecasting," by Norm MacDonald


Edited by: ANTIOCHIA at: 11/21/2012 (11:32)
This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


 current weight: 177.2 
 
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11/8/12 6:42 P

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Thanks for the laugh! emoticon

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

Fab 40's co-team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=11525


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PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS

One morning Grandma was over at the doctor's house when her
daughter called, who was sort of frantic because her son had
swallowed a penny. The daughter wanted Grandma to ask the
doctor if she should bring the boy in to be seen.

When she asked the doc, he calmly replied, "I don't think
it's necessary. Just watch him closely for any change."

This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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9/8/12 2:02 P

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That's hysterical! Thanks for the laugh!

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

Fab 40's co-team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=11525


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HONESTY

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now...


This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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9/6/12 9:28 A

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Too funny! Thanks!

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

Fab 40's co-team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=11525


Bikram Yoga Lovers Team leader
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MENTAL TEST

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering of humor
editors, and his host naturally broached the subject in
which the doctor was most at ease.

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," he asked, "how you
detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears
completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question
that everyone should answer with no trouble. If there is
hesitation, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around
the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"

The editor thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh,
"You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I
must confess I don't know much about history."


This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


 current weight: 177.2 
 
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9/3/12 5:35 P

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STOCKBROKER OR FROG

Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called
out to them and said, "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker
who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed
into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to
my former state!"

One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed
it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed,
"Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a
stockbroker!"

The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking
frog is worth more than a stockbroker!"

This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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9/1/12 12:38 P

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I copied the following from another Spark Team I belong to. I apologize in advance if the punchline politically offends anyone on this team. It is only meant in fun - if you wish, you can get back at me by posting a piece that makes fun of conservatives - after all -- if we can't laugh at ourselves, we must have very unhappy lives!!!


*Raymond often adds his comments (usually jokes) to links I go to. This is one he added to one I've just read. Don't know exactly who he is, but his avatar is a Marine. Enjoy!

CREATION 2

In the beginning, God created the Heaven & the Earth
& populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach,
green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so that
man would live long & healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben & Jerry's
ice cream & Krispy Cream donuts. And Satan said,
"You want chocolate with that?" And man said, "Yes!"
And woman said, "And as long as you're at it, add some
sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds, and Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might
keep the figure that man found so fair. And satan brought
forth white flour & sugar & combined them. And woman
went from a size 6 to a size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan
presented Thousand-island dressing, buttery croutons
and garlic toast on the side. And man & woman had to
get bigger belts.

God then said, "I've sent you heart healthy
vegetables & olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish & chicken
fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And man
gained weight & his cholesterol went through the roof.
God created a light fluffy white cake and named it
"Angel Food Cake," and said, "it is good." Satan
then created chocolate cake & named it "Devils
Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His
children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan
gave them cable TV with a remote control so that
man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And man & woman laughed before the flickering
blue light and gained pounds.

God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat
and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled
off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy center
into chips and deep fried them. And man gained
pounds.

God then gave them lean beef so man might
consume fewer calories and still satisfy his
appetite. And Satan created McDonald's
and its 99 cent double cheeseburger. Then
said, "you want fries with that?" And man said,
"yes, and super size them!" And Satan said,
"it is good." And man went into cardiac arrest....

God sighed & created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created the Obama Healthcare System.

Amen.


This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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8/8/12 3:49 P

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Too funny!

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

Fab 40's co-team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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SHAMPOO ALERT!

As I was conditioning my hair in the shower this morning, I
took time to read my shampoo bottle. SHOCK---The shampoo
that runs down my entire body says "for extra volume &
body." Seriously, why have I not noticed this before?

Now I understand why I am so "full-figured."

Tomorrow I am going to start using "Dawn" dish soap. It says
"dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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AGENT MURPHY

A secret agent was sent to Ireland to pick up some very
sensitive information from an agent called Murphy. His
instructions were to walk around town using a code phrase
until he met his fellow agent. He found himself on a
desolate country road and finally ran into a farmer.

"Hello, said the agent, "I'm looking for a man called
Murphy."

"Well you're in luck," said the farmer. "As it happens,
there's a village right over the hill where a butcher is
called Murphy, the baker is named Murphy, and three widows
are called Murphy. In fact, my name is Murphy."

"Aha," thought the agent, "here's my man." So he whispered
the secret code: "The sun is shining ... the grass is
growing ... the cows are ready for milking."

"Oh," said the farmer, "you're looking for Murphy the spy.
He's in the village over the other direction."


This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


 current weight: 177.2 
 
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LYING

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to
preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my
sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon,
the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know
how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister
smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now
proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."


This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


 current weight: 177.2 
 
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4/27/12 10:48 A

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Very sweet and very touching. Thanks for sharing.

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

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FAMILY PRAYERS
from: www.ncregister.com/blog/simcha-fishe
r/
fisher-spirituality
on Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Parents' Morning Blessing

Father of mercies, we ask you to bless these children, which, with some uncharacteristically poor judgement, you have entrusted to our care. Make them strong enough to follow your ways, kind enough to spread your love, and smart enough not to repeat what Daddy said about people with Obama bumper stickers on their cars. Let these children be a beacon in a dark world. Let them be a shining witness for the culture of life. And let somebody come by with another few bushels of hand-me-downs, because the boys all grew out of their pants again last night.

Amen.

Children's Prayer Before Meals

Bless us, O Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are going to refuse to eat for no particular reason. We enjoy all the individual ingredients therein, and have secured promises from our mother that there is not even one little bit of onion in this dish, and yet we will not eat thereof. We don't know why we act this way; we just do.

[Anoint dish three times with ketchup, so they will be useless as leftovers.]

We beseech thee, O Lord, to make lots of Cheese Nips appear in the cabinet, so that we will not have to go hungry. We depend on your kindness, O Bountiful God. We thank you for never trying to get us to eat eggplant, and we call upon your just judgements when our mother appears before your courts, and beg you to remember that she did, in fact, try to get us to eat eggplant.

Amen.

Prayer When Preparing a Pet for Christian Burial

Lord, we pray that the neighbors don't notice we're doing this again.

Amen.

Prayer Before Mass

Almighty God, as we approach your altar to participate in the divine sacrifice of your Only-begotten Son, we wonder what we think we are doing here. We are jerks. We are incredible hypocrites. We spent the morning primping in front of the mirror, shrieking at the kids, and pouting at our husbands. We approach you with fear and trembling, and wonder if there's any possible way we could be reconciled to you in your goodness and your glory.

Then we behold the crucifix; and we say, "Oh."

I mean,

Amen.


Edited by: ANTIOCHIA at: 4/26/2012 (09:25)
This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


 current weight: 177.2 
 
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4/19/12 1:59 P

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INTERNAL DEBATE
From: http://www.collegehumor.com/article/336186
5/internal-debate
(Note: Language cleaned up a bit – Ruth Ann)


Computer: Monitor, display this document, ok?

Monitor: No prob, boss.

Computer: OK, now it looks like Mouse is moving around so, Monitor, will you move the pointer icon accordingly?

Monitor: Anything you ask, boss.

Computer: Great, great. OK, Mouse, where are you going now?

Mouse: Over to the icon panel, sir.

Computer: Hmm, Let me know if he clicks anything, OK?

Mouse: Of course.

Keyboard: Sir, he’s pressed control and P simultaneously.

Monitor: Oh-oh, here we go.

Computer: (sighs) Printer, are you there?

Printer: No.

Computer: Please, Printer. I know you’re there.

Printer: NO! I’m not here! Leave me alone!

Computer: Nuts! OK look, you really ne…

Mouse: Sir, he’s clicked on the printer icon.

Computer: Printer, now you have to print it twice.

Printer: NO! NO! NO! I don’t want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I’m turning off!

Computer: Printer, you know you can’t turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we’ll leave you alone.

Printer: NO! That’s what you always say! I hate you! I’m out of ink!

Computer: You’re not out of in…

Printer: I’M OUT OF INK!

Computer: (Sighs) Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.

Monitor: But sir, he has plen…

Computer: Just do it, darn it!

Monitor: Yes sir.

Keyboard: AHHH! He’s hitting me!

Computer: Stay calm, he’ll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.

Keyboard: He’s pressing everything. Help! I don’t know what to do, he’s just pressing everything!

Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now?! Do you see what you’ve done?!

Printer: HA! that’s what you get for trying to get me to do work. Next time he…hey…HEY! He’s trying to open me! AAARRRGGGHHH!! HELP! HELP!! He’s torn out my cartridge! HELP! Please! ERROR!

Monitor: Sir, maybe we should help him?

Computer: No. He did this to himself.


Edited by: ANTIOCHIA at: 4/19/2012 (16:41)
This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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4/17/12 2:16 P

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CHILDREN'S SERMON

During his children's sermon, the pastor asked the
kids, "What is gray, has a bushy tail, and gathers nuts in
the fall?"

One five-year-old raised his hand. "I know the answer should
be Jesus," he began, "but it sounds like a squirrel to me."

This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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SALTYCHOCOLATE's Photo SALTYCHOCOLATE Posts: 9,410
2/12/12 10:20 P

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I've seen this before and it always makes me chuckle. Thanks for posting it.

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

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2/12/12 8:27 P

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EULOGY

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth , Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch . The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children John Dough , Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one bun in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else that may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift.



Edited by: ANTIOCHIA at: 2/12/2012 (20:29)
This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


 current weight: 177.2 
 
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209.75
186.5
163.25
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SALTYCHOCOLATE's Photo SALTYCHOCOLATE Posts: 9,410
2/2/12 3:30 P

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I think I've been in several of these places too!

Edited by: SALTYCHOCOLATE at: 2/2/2012 (15:30)
Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

Fab 40's co-team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=11525


Bikram Yoga Lovers Team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=11285


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2/2/12 3:17 P

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PLACES I'VE BEEN AND HAVEN'T BEEN

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots
with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes
you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport;
you have to be driven there. I have made several trips
there, thanks to my friends, family, and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and
I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I
try not to visit there too often.

I am often in Denial. It's a great place to visit, although I
tend to forget about my responsibilities when I'm there.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important
to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm
getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really
gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my
age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what
country I was in. It's an age thing.

This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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1/29/12 4:03 P

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FUNNY ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES:

MAN KILLS SELF BEFORE SHOOTING WIFE AND DAUGHTER
( This one was in the SGV Tribune the other day and a reader called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.)
------------------------------------------
---------------------

SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS
( No crap, really? Ya think? )
------------------------------------------
----------------------------------

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
(Now that's taking things a bit far!)

----------------------------------------
--------------------------

PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
(What a guy! )

------------------------------------------
---------------------

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
(No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! )

------------------------------------------
------------

JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT
(See if that works any better than a fair trial!

----------------------------------------
-------------------

WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE
(I can see where it might have that effect!)

------------------------------------------
----------------------

IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST AWHILE
(Ya think?!)

------------------------------------------
-----------------------------

COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES
( Who would have thought! )

----------------------------------------
------------------------

ENFIELD (LONDON) COUPLE SLAIN, POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE
(They may be on to something! )

------------------------------------------
------------------------------

RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES
(You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?)

------------------------------------------
----------------

MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING: FACES BATTERY CHARGE
(He probably IS the battery charge!)

------------------------------------------
----

NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP
(Weren't they fat enough?! )

----------------------------------------
-------

ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT
(That's what he gets for eating those beans! )

------------------------------------------
-------

KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS
(Do they taste like chicken? )

----------------------------------------
----------

LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF
(Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)

----------------------------------------
----------------------

HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
(Boy, are they tall!)

----------------------------------------
-----------------------


And the winner is....

TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD

(Did I read that right?)






Edited by: ANTIOCHIA at: 1/29/2012 (16:05)
This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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ANTIOCHIA's Photo ANTIOCHIA Posts: 2,302
1/25/12 9:35 A

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CUTE BABY

When a new mom brought her son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, "You have a cute baby."

Mom (smiling): "I'll bet you say that to all the new parents."

Doctor: "No, just to those whose babies are really good-looking."

Mom: "So what do you say to the others?"

Doctor: "He looks just like you."

Edited by: ANTIOCHIA at: 1/25/2012 (09:36)
This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


 current weight: 177.2 
 
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209.75
186.5
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SALTYCHOCOLATE's Photo SALTYCHOCOLATE Posts: 9,410
1/3/12 6:04 P

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Thanks for the laugh Ruth Ann!
Happy New Year!

Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

Fab 40's co-team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=11525


Bikram Yoga Lovers Team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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1/3/12 4:00 P

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CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTION


Father O'Malley answers the phone...

"Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"

"It is."

"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"

"I can."

"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

"I do."

"Is he a member of your congregation?"

"He is."

"Did he donate $10,000.00?"

(pause)

"He will."

This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


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ANTIOCHIA's Photo ANTIOCHIA Posts: 2,302
12/6/11 2:01 P

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emoticon
Change?... What is this word 'change'?

This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


 current weight: 177.2 
 
233
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186.5
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SALTYCHOCOLATE's Photo SALTYCHOCOLATE Posts: 9,410
12/4/11 5:06 P

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As you may or may not know, the Catholic Mass has been changed slightly. Changes were made to better reflect the original texts and intent of the Mass. The last time changes of this nature were made was in the 70's with Vatican II.

So, the question for today is:

So, how many Orthodox Christians does it take to change a light bulb?



Orthodox Christians don't change anything!

Edited by: SALTYCHOCOLATE at: 12/4/2011 (17:09)
Respect life.

An attitude of gratitude can wipe away bad thoughts anytime.
- A fellow Sparker

I bleed coffee and chocolate

Fab 40's co-team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=11525


Bikram Yoga Lovers Team leader
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=11285


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ANTIOCHIA's Photo ANTIOCHIA Posts: 2,302
10/6/11 9:01 A

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SHARK ATTACK

A fishing boat ran into trouble last week about 100 miles
off shore. Despite the efforts of everyone aboard, the boat
was lost. The people were left floating in their life vests.
The sharks were assigned to the case.

The two responding sharks were father and son. As they
approached the people, the father told his son to stop a
moment for instructions. He said, "Son, we need to go about
this in a methodical way. First, we circle the people with
just a bit of our fins showing."

The son replies, "Uh, huh. And then?"

"And then, we circle again but with half of our fins
showing."

"Okay. Then what?"

"Then, we circle a last time, with our fins fully out of the
water and displaying our teeth and huge mouths."

The son asks, "But Dad, isn't it easier to just go straight
in and eat them all up?"

"No, son. Trust me on this. They taste much better with all
the poop scared out of them."


This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


 current weight: 177.2 
 
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186.5
163.25
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10/4/11 9:37 A

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MY FAVORITE THINGS (updated!)

To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan 's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound Of Music'. Here are the lyrics she used: (Sing It! - If you sing it, its especially hysterical!!! )

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd
that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores. )

Edited by: ANTIOCHIA at: 10/6/2011 (09:04)
This is the day that the Lord had made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; both now and ever and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
~Ruth Ann
Madison, WI
Link to one of my cookbooks which should also lead you to the rest of them:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/Cookbooks.as
p?cookbook=6445


 current weight: 177.2 
 
233
209.75
186.5
163.25
140
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